“Children won't remember what they learnt in weekly Islamic classes. But they WILL remember the feelings, the emotions, from those classes” - (Ustadh Abdul Rahman Chao) @a.r.chao
When you recall moments from your childhood, what do you remember most?
Are they the actual lessons, or simply how you felt about your environment & those around you? Most likely, even the lessons that stick are those which have strong emotions attached to them: positive or negative.
Put ourselves in the shoes of our children for a moment; how they experience & react to their surroundings. Often, words of encouragement, good akhlaq from those around them are powerful lessons they carry with them through their turbulent adolescent years. Likewise, negative emotions & traumatic experiences will often haunt them as they wrongfully associate those perceptions with religion.
Therein lies an important question for us: What emotions and feelings are WE creating for those around us, especially our youth & children? How are we as good role models for them to follow?
Let's examine how Rasulullah ﷺ treated the children around him.
Anas bin Malik was assigned by his mother to be Rasulullah’s ﷺ helper at the age of ten, had a first hand account of how the household of the Messenger's ﷺ compassionate & encouraging approach.
Throughout the ten years that he was by the Messenger’s ﷺ side, not once did he feel disrespected or belittled. On the contrary, he was nurtured with patience & attained meaningful lessons which went on to inspire him to be among the scholars and of the best of the companions.
Lets take heed from this simple yet amazing example, improve our intentions & have Ihsan in how we deal with the young around us. It may require striving & patience now, but trust in Allah that it will bear fruit, and most importantly hope from Allah for the best
“And be patient, for indeed, Allah does not waste the reward of the Muhsineen (those who do good)” (Surah Hud, 115)
“People will forget what you said, and they will forget what you did – but they will never forget how you made them FEEL”
With this in mind, what is the approach we take to educating others? How do we shape their learning environment?
What are the emotional experiences are WE creating for our children as we educate them? Are they ones that bring about inspiration, motivation, and passion? Or one that induces boredom? Or worse yet, one that results in resentment and long-term trauma?
Unfortunately, in some regions of the world Islamic educational institutions are infamous for physical punishment and beating up their students when they perform. And some of them justify their abuse by quoting that “you guys are so spoilt. In my times it was 10 times worse.” Sometimes, “tahfiz” and “rotan” go hand in hand.
Imagine how the children will grow up. They will associate “knowledge” – or worse yet in this case, ISLAMIC knowledge – with fear, discomfort and hatred.
Where did this “rotan” culture come from? Were the great imams such as Ash-Shafi’ee, Abu Hanifah, Malik, Ahmad bin Hanbal, An-Nawawi or ibn Hajar educated with punishment and harshness?
Which begs the more important question which should be asked: How did the Prophet Muhammad ﷺ - the best of teachers himself – how did HE treat and educate children?
Did HE beat them up because they performed poorly in their memorization? Did he threaten them with hellfire when they refuse to pray?
Muawiyah Al-Hakam said, “I have never met a teacher who is more effective in teaching than he is, neither before or after him! I swear by Allah, he never scolded me, beat me, neither did he revile me in any way” (Muslim)
A’siyah "The Messenger of Allah NEVER beat anyone with his hand, neither a woman nor a servant. He only physically harmed others in the battlefield fighting in the cause of Allah. And he never took revenge for anything personal, except when the rights of Allah were transgressed - and even then, he would (do so purely to) avenge the Rights of Allah, Exalted and Glorious" (Muslim)
We don’t see any signs of this militant style in the Prophet’s educational approach. Yes, even though he did “allow” parents to physically punish children who don’t pray by the age of 10, but the point is, he never had to resort to that! If your teaching methods are effective, why straight away go to the last resort?
He taught us the right way: He treated children with compassion, gentleness and respect, teaching them without condescending, condemning, or physically hitting them. He would even respectfully give deep, profound advice even to young children, never for a second dismissing that “they are just kids”. Outside of class, he would play with them on the street, greet them with cheerfulness, spend time with them.
Imagine what the children amongst the sahabah would have experienced. Even if they don’t necessarily remember the exact words of his sayings, or even understand what a “prophet” is, they would remember that this is such a nice teacher. They would grow up loving the subject. Loving the Qur’an. Loving the Prophet. And eventually, as they grow older: Loving Islam.
This is the example of the experiences we need to create for the people around us. Associate positive emotions with their development. May Allah make us amongst those who effectively educate our children, our youth, and those around us