My Epic Hajj 2012 Journey

Alhamdulillah - all praise and thanks to Allah - after long series of challenges, obstacles, difficulties, our Hajj 2012 expedition is concluded: No go this year.

First it was flight ticket confirmed, landing clearance confirmed, but no visa. Then we had a visa, but no ticket (burned). Then we had a visa, and a ticket - but no clearance to land. Then we had visa and clearance to land - but no ticket. Wow.


It was an intense emotional rollercoaster, with long series of struggles between visas, flight tickets, and permission for entry; with every point us being so close yet so far..
..but in the end, with a heavy heart, a surge of emotions swells up as we finally accept this fate  : it just wasn't our turn. No hajj. Yet.

As the Prophet had taught, this is the qaddar of Allah, and as believers we say, QaddarAllahu wa masha a fa'al ("Allah did that what He had ordained to do”)

Ala kulli hal, Allah has a better plan for us.
"Perhaps you may hate something that is good for you - and perhaps you may love something but it is bad for you. Allah knows but you know not.." (Al-Qur'an surah Al-Baqarah 2:216)

There is wisdom in everything that is ordained by Allah, but as I look back at the experience that the whole hajj group has went through for the past few days, thinking back, the wisdoms behind these very anxious and nerve-wrecking events were immediately made very apparent..

1) The reward of Hajj written for us & secured - insha Allah!

First of all, as our beloved shaykh Hussain Yee pointed out to us many times, since we have exerted all of our effort, with firm conviction of intention and sincerity to perform Hajj, as far as Allah is concerned, He has written for us the deeds of Hajj - on the basis of our intention. And subhanAllah think about it: the reward of Hajj: even before the appointed days of Hajj!.

The Prophet said, 
"Allah ordered (the appointed angels over you) that the good and the bad deeds be written, and He then showed (the way) how (to write). If somebody intends to do a good deed and he does not do it, then Allah will write for him a full good deed (in his account with Him); 

and if he intends to do a good deed and actually did it, then Allah will write for him (in his account) with Him (its reward equal) from ten to seven hundred times to many more times"  (Sahih Al-Bukhari, Book #76, Hadith #498)

And when i look back at a hadith on the virtue of Hajj, the Prophet Muhammad sallAllahu alayhi wasalam said:

"the reward of hajj Mabrur (the one accepted by Allah) is nothing except paradise."  (Sahih Al-Bukhari, Book #27, Hadith #1).

He also said, "Whoever performs hajj to this House (Ka'ba) and does not approach his wife for sexual relations nor commits sins (while performing hajj), he will come out as sinless as a newly-born child. (Just delivered by his mother)."  (Sahih Al-Bukhari Book #28, Hadith #45)

And we are optimistic in our hopes that perhaps - Allah knows best the true intention and sincerity in our hearts - that, on the grounds of intention, sincerity and all-effort-possible, that May Allah reward us with hajj mabroor!

Now, one may criticize that how can you expect these rewards when you didn't even step foot in Makkah? Well, Allah only knows that perhaps if we did, we would or wouldn't have performed a Hajj that would qualify as an accepted Hajj (mabrur): only He didn't allow us the means to prove it yet. 

But out of His Divine Mercy, we do look at it back with confidence in His Mercy, His Bounties, and His Acknowledgement on the power of our intentions. And that is ever easy for Allah, Al-Ghany (All-Rich), Al-Wahhab (all-Bestower), Al-Hakeem (All-Wise) : He has absolutely nothing to lose by granting us with such great bounty!

In fact in a hadith qudsi, Allah said,

"O My servants, even if the first amongst you and the last amongst you and the whole human race of yours and that of jinns also all stand in one plain ground and you ask Me and I confer upon every person what he asks for, it would not. in any way, cause any loss to Me (even less) than that which is caused to the ocean by dipping the needle in it." (Sahih Muslim, Book 32, Hadith #6246)

So that's how we take it : a super positive perspective that perhaps Allah rewards us with the reward of Hajj Mabrur !

In a hadith qudsi, the Prophet says that Allah says 'i am just as my slave thinks i am, (i.e. i am able to do for him what he thinks i can do for him)' (Sahih Al-Bukhari Book #93, Hadith #502)  

- and we are hopeful that Allah will reward us and not allow it to go to waste!

And to prove that this is possible, recall back the hadith of the man who had murdered 99 people. (Sahih Al-Bukhari, Book #56, Hadith #676) - for the man to perform repentance, he had to go to another village to change his ways. But he died halfway in the journey (in another narration, in fact slightly less than half way).

But Allah had accepted his repentance anyway, despite not even reaching the halfway point to his destination to repent!

It was Allah that caused this man to die - just like it was Allah that had Ordained these obstacles for us to perform Hajj this year.

So how is it that Allah accepts this from a man who murdered 99 people but not from us - despite all our physical, mental and spiritual effort?

So yes, we maintain positive on our expectations of Allah : even if we may not see the effects in this life - but we hope to see this stacked with our other good deeds: as a means of success in the akhirah!

(note: this is purely in terms of reward only... of course this does not absolve us first-timers off the obligation to perform hajj - we still have to go. But at least we get this consolation.

And hey, if (insha Allah and we REALLY beg Allah that) we do get to perform Hajj next year, that means we got this year's effort as bonus hajj reward - Allahu Akbar!)

2) Becoming a Better Muslim: holistically
Some of the maqasid (goals and purposes) of Hajj is about undergoing a spiritual journey towards becoming better individuals, strengthen bonds of brotherhood/sisterhood, and in the big picture, improve our taqwa and relationship with Allah.

And personally, the experience this past few days for me did just that. To actually perform the Fiqh rites of hajj is one thing, but to be put to the test to reap the fruits of our faith in tawakkal (trust in Allah), Sabar (patience), Shukr (thankfulness) - and be surrounded by super dedicated, cooperative and positive brothers and sisters: that's an unforgettable experience I'm grateful to Allah for.


This made me really reflect on the rhetorical question Allah asks in surah al Ankabut, verse 2 - "do the people think that they will (just) say 'we believe' and they will not be tested and tried (in their claim)?"

So I thought, since this is the case, why not just use these grounds to become even better Muslims - we've built the sabr, the tawakkal, the shukr, made lots of prayers and du'aa to Allah : let's build it up even more from there! This is a means that Allah builds our character - continue the momentum!

We take this as finish this off on a high and positive note with continuous improvement is insha Allah a sign of acceptance from Allah.


3) More time - a second chance to prepare
But interestingly, when i look back at my current state now, i realize that: I'm not ready. Yes, i've paid, i've made the logistics arrangement, i've read the fiqh, i've completed my shopping list, my things-to-bring list fully ticked, but there was something severely lacking - my spiritual readiness. I realized how ill-equipped i was in terms of my iman (faith), and there was so much more i could have done to be better prepared. (Insha Alllah in future blog post)

And after all those difficulties and challenges faced amongst the jemaah (group), it really made clear some amongst our jemaah who were truly gems of companions to be had on this great journey. So next time around, we'll have built that brotherhood / sisterhood upfront - thus making our journey easier and with much greater confidence we're in good hands, insha Allah.


And as our companion in the jemaah brilliantly pointed out, when we finally get to do it, rest assured we will appreciate the sweetness of the ibadah after going through this efforts and long wait. Perhaps this is also a sign that Allah wants us to yearn even more to go to Hajj - to build even better dedication for our hajj.



And as the dust settles...

But phew, has it been an anxiety filled, thrilling, and stressful few days. 

Ustaz Ismail Davids describes Hajj as "Journey of a Lifetime" and that's exactly what this past few days felt like - without even stepping foot in Makkah.

But Alhamdulillah ala kulli hal, we put our trust in Allah that He only determines what is BEST for all of us : we have to remember that the whole world doesn't just revolve around us. There are other pilgrims, other mu'assassah staff, other logistics arrangements, other unseen challenges, perhaps next year's improved facilities? - there is a greater good to come out of why we did not go. 


We ask - no , we beg - that Allah reward all of the jemaah with the reward of Hajj mabrur for their intentions, effort, dedication & sincerity.


We put our utmost trust and belief in the eternal promise of Allah when He says (the meaning of which is):
"Indeed, those who have believed and done righteous deeds - indeed, We will not allow to be lost the reward of any who did well in deeds." (Quran, Surah Al-Kahf 18:30).

Then now, we move on to our next unstoppable Life Goal :


Hajj 2013 (1434 AH), here we come - labbaikAllahumma labbaik!