Life Lessons From My Grandfather Mohamed bin Ali (RahimahUllah)

Inna Lillahi wa inna ilayhi raji’un – verily, to Allah we belong, and verily to Him we shall return..

2 weeks ago, on the morning of Saturday, 23^rd February 2013, my grandfather of 81 years old, Mohamed ibn Ali – passed away. May Allah have Mercy on him, rahimahUllahu rahmatan wasi’ah.

My grandfather – whom we call Tok Wei – was indeed a good man, and here I’d like to share a humble list of three (3) valuble Reminders about life, which really struck a cord in me, upon reflecting his life and death. 

It is with the intention that this is a means that people will benefit from as beneficial knowledge, which will add to his account of continuous good deeds even after his departure from this world, as described in the sayings of Prophet Muhammad (sallAllahu alayhi wasallam):

“When a man dies, his deeds come to an end (in being written), except three:

(i)                 recurring charity, or

(ii)               knowledge (by which people) benefit, or

(iii)             a righteous son, who prays for him (for the deceased).”

(Sahih Muslim, Book 13, Hadith #4006)

Of course, 3 lessons alone definitely don’t do justice - in comparison to the ocean of good deeds that he has done: rather this personal tribute is intended as a concise life reminder, restricted by the relatively little time being spent with him (may Allah have mercy on him), and this author’s personal weakness in his wisdom, knowledge, and ability of deriving more lessons & benefit.

Alhamdulillah ala kulli hal, it is hoped that this humble tribute will be of benefit to him, however small or big it may be, and with hopes that you, dear reader, will share this to others, out of love for your Muslim brother.

To sum it up – here is a translation of an Arab poetry:

“O son of Adam, when you came into this world, you were crying and people around you were smiling in happiness.

Live your live such that, when you leave this world, you are smiling in happiness, and people around you are crying”

1.     Leave Behind A Good Legacy

Tok Wei’s defining character trait was that of an exemplary teacher with a huge list of successful students; and as we mentioned in the saying of the Prophet earlier, this is a great investment to him, rewards of which he will continue to reap even after his departure from this world. 

But his iconic footprints left more than just ‘knowledge’ amongst students: He wasn’t a dato’ or a tan sri, or even had a PhD: he was a teacher who was passionate about educating others & enriching their lives with knowledge; so much so that he was awarded with the “Tokoh Guru Negara” (National Teacher Figure) award in the year 2000.

Even while he was alive, this man was a walking legend. While we were young (while he was in his 60s), we would walk with him in his hometown Kota Bharu – and he would receive warm greetings, handshakes and casual conversations from just about every middle-aged person in town. And when you looked at the kind of greetings he received from these random people in the streets, it wasn’t the “Oh, it’s my ex-boss” kind of stare, or the “oh it’s HIM” evasive manoeuvre to avoid any form of contact – rather, it’s a greeting with the genuine look of gratitude from his former students whom, from the look of their eyes, harboured a deep feeling of love and respect.

And here’s a recent incident I’ll never forget: In 2011, he was with us in KL for a family gathering for a few days. After a few days, the Sultan of Kelantan – who, by the way, sets a fine example to the people for being very diligent at consistently praying the daily congregational prayers at the mosque in the same area as Tok Wei’s house – he noticed that Tok Wei hasn’t been around for prayers at the mosque.

At this, one day after Fajr/Subuh (morning) prayer, he asked the people & the congregation, in a concerned tone: “Mana cikgu saya? Lama saya tak nampak dia” (Where is my teacher? I haven’t seen him for quite a while!)

Now this is something you gotta take a step back and think about: A few days gone from prayer and the Sultan is concerned & asks about you by name.

Now that’s a genuine sign of gratitude that money or fame can’t buy.

But it’s interesting to reflect back at how he built such a great reputation for himself. After all, there are so many teachers out there: what makes him standout with such high level of personal & societal recognition?

It was a passion to educate & enrich people’s lives with knowledge.

From what my mother and the aunties/uncles described to us, the first defining aspect was because he personally conducted extra tuition classes. In those days (60s & 70s), this was a rare thing: most students didn’t have extra tuition, because hardly any teachers would do this. Unlike the situation today, back then teachers were in short supply, and most would have their hands full with their educational efforts at school (on top of their regular family duties); conducting additional tuition classes would be difficult, drain a lot of their time & be very tiring.

So, when you have a family of six children & still have the determination to conduct extra tuition classes, this reveals something more than teaching as a profession or a “job”: it’s your passion. And perhaps it was this passion that drove & inspired so many of his students achieving success.

We could see this reflected in the way he taught us. He would talk to us in private, motivate and reward us for our achievements in our studies: even in the final weeks before his death he was sending personal messages to my sister, uplifting her spirits and promising to reward her good results.  

A little passion can go a long way, indeed. Again, the question to us is: what do WE want to be remembered for? When we leave this world, what sort of footsteps do we want others to follow in?

Here lies a profound lesson to all of us today: sometimes we fail to truly give justice in acknowledging or commending the numerous teachers – especially ustazs or shaykhs who conduct classes or give reminders for us, at night or during weekends. Many of them have full-time job commitments and families to take care of – yet they would find time at nights or during the weekends to squeeze in so they can spread extra knowledge for the sake of Allah. Some of them don’t even expect a single cent in payment

The fact that they receive their rewards from Allah is one thing, but on our side, it is upon us to recognize their efforts in helping make a difference in our lives.

the Prophet (sallAllahu alayhi wasallam) said:

“Those who are not thankful to the people, they are not thankful to Allah” (narrated in Tirmidzi, Ahmad & Abu Daud)

Sometimes, subconsciously we have this selfish thought that “oh they have knowledge so it’s expected they must spread knowledge” – but the reality is, it’s a demanding task & requires serious effort. Many people don’t even make commitment to GO to class: how about those who prepare & CONDUCT them? They have families too, they have chores too, they have challenges too.. so do we truly give them the recognition they deserve?

At the very least, we should make sincere du’aa (invocations & supplications) to Allah for every single one of our teachers - to forgive all them, give barakah (blessings) to their knowledge, keep them steadfast, and reward them with Jannah (Paradise).

The du’aa for another Muslim in their absence has a special place & reward in the sight of Allah; the Messenger of Allah صلى الله عليه وسلم said, “The du’aa (supplication) of a Muslim for his brother in his absence will certainly be answered. Every time he makes a supplication for good for his brother, the angel appointed for this particular task says: `Ameen! May it be for you, too’.” (Sahih Muslim, Book #035, Hadith #6589).

But back to the lesson at hand: leaving behind a good legacy.

As we live our lives, we should take a step back, and honestly ask ourselves the question – what do we want to be remembered for? What legacy do I want to leave behind? If I were to die today, what would people remember or acknowledge me for? What will GOD remember ME as?

Really, we have only one shot at life: one shot to set our mark, and it’s too short to live our 

lives in autopilot & on mechanical routines. Way too short to just ‘survive’ from cradle to the grave. 

Have a genuine passion of what you want to pursue in your life, and never let go of that passion: that very passion will be what defines you, and the legacy you leave behind.

2.     A Good Life, a Good Ending

Tok Wei led a simple life – but he enjoyed it. He would appreciate & enjoy good food, love good books, like good scenery, take long & healthy morning walks, and was consistent at praying in congregation at the  mosque every day. He never busied himself with relentless pursuits of hoarding wealth or fame.

He was also blessed with good health; with the exception of a bypass surgery he undertook about 10 years ago, he did not suffer from any ailments or diseases. In fact, no one saw his death coming – only 2 weeks before that we were having a family holiday & picnic together and he was 100% with his friendly smile and warm words of encouragement.

It’s an important reminder for all of us to live simple, happy and thankful lives – right NOW. Don’t wait for retirement. How many of us, we get caught up so badly in the web of our busy schedule, complicated politics, relentless pursuit of material wealth, that we become grumpy, irritable, unthankful, defensive, always complaining – and we just forget to simply take a step back and enjoy life. There a thousands of reasons why we should be happy and thankful – and yet we allow those few little things to ‘ruin my day’.

But the most touching aspect of his departure was the beautiful ending (Husn Al-Khatimah) which Allah had blessed him with - at the end of the day, when he left this world, everyone who knew him, held him in high regard & did not harbour any ill-feelings whatsoever with him.

In fact, as far as I know, I have never heard of any individual harbour any ill-feelings toward him or see anyone treat him with any sign of negativity. It seemed that everyone who knew him, loved – or at least greatly respected – him.

Perhaps – and I pray that this is indeed the case – this is a good sign that Tok Wei is amongst those whom the Prophet described was the result of being a person who is beloved to Allah :

"When Allah loves a slave, He calls (the angel) Jibreel and says: Verily, I so and so; you should also love him, and then Jibreel begins to love him.

Then he (Jibreel) makes an announcement in the heaven saying: Allah loves so and so and you also love him,

and then the inhabitants of the Heaven (the angels) also begin to love him

and then there is conferred honour upon him in the earth"

(Sahih Muslim, Book #032, Hadith #6373)

The "beautiful ending" was indeed something memorable to me. There was a huge blessing & wisdom that Allah took away his life at around 2:00am on a Saturday morning (i.e. Friday midnight): that left family members enough time to rush off to buy last minute air tickets to fly to hometown; and since it was a Saturday – on a weekend – our jobs did not get in the way. Alhamdulillah, all praise and thanks to Allah, by late morning almost the entire family was there in time for the funeral procession. It was indeed a sad day, but at the same time, it was heartwarming & positively touching that the whole family got together. 

Amazingly the timing subsequently allowed for a bigger crowd for the congregational funeral prayer. Because the funeral (washing & shrouding of the body) could only start in the morning after sunlight (and we were done around 12pm), we would pray the funeral prayer in congregation after Zuhur prayer (around 1:30pm): this gave us plenty of time to rest and announce the funeral prayer to get as many people as possible to the congregation. Numerous ex-students and distant family members flew in just for his funeral: some of which we didn’t even know. 

So when it did take place, Tok Wei’s funeral prayer had quite a big crowd: a privilege that many deceased don’t get, especially when things are in a rush or when timing’s not right. And that is an amazing blessing.

The Prophet, peace be upon him, said,

“If any Muslim dies and forty men who associate nothing with Allah stand over his prayer (they offer prayer over him), Allah will accept them as intercessors for him.”  (Sahih Muslim, Book #004, Hadith #2072)

“If a Muslim dies and his funeral prayer is attended by a group of a hundred Muslims, and they all sincerely pray for his forgiveness, he is forgiven'." (Hadith narrated by Ahmad, Muslim, and Tirmidzi)

And since the weather was fine, funeral procession was very quick & straightforward: by around 3pm, we were done: very easy on all of us.

In retrospect, all these facts indeed indicate that on top of the simple & enjoyable life he lived, Allah had honoured Tok Wei with a beautiful ending. And although we were in tears and sad of his departure, I also felt happy that he departed peacefully in the company of his loved ones in a very straightforward funeral procession.

And pondering about this brings tears down my eyes: tears of joy for him, and for fear of myself & other family members & friends around me.

Who knows what our ending may be? Who knows that our true evil will only be made manifest in the final moments of our lives? Who knows that perhaps: those people we thought were ‘lost’ might make a turn towards the final moments of their lives, and Allah brings out the true goodness in them that they become the people of Paradise?

The Prophet said,

“a man may do deeds characteristic of the people of the (hell) Fire, so much so that there is only the distance of a cubit between him and it, and then what has been written (by the angel) surpasses, and so he starts doing deeds characteristic of the people of paradise and enters paradise.

Similarly, a person may do deeds characteristic of the people of paradise, so much so that there is only the distance of a cubit between him and it, and then what has been written (by the angel) surpasses, and he starts doing deeds of the people of the (hell) Fire and enters the (hell) Fire."  (Sahih Al-Bukhari, Book #55, Hadith #549)

“And (the results of) deeds depend on the last actions” (Sahih Al-Bukhari)

May Allah keep us steadfast upon His obedience, to bless us with a good ending, and allow us to depart from this world leaving behind a good legacy that will be of continual benefit to us after we depart, and may He unite us with our families in the highest levels of Jannah amongst those which He described: 

“And those who believe and whose offspring follow them in Faith,

to them shall We join their offspring,

and We shall not decrease the reward of their deeds in anything.

Every person is a pledge for that which he has earned.” 

(Qur’an Surah At-Tur 52:21)

3.     A Man of Peace

For as long as I can remember, Tok Wei has never ever spoken ill, spoken against, or backbitten against anyone at all. The same holds true for any physical harm: I have never even heard rumours about him harming anyone or anything – save from foxes and snakes in his backyard.

And perhaps this – and I pray that it is - a sign that he is amongst the best of Muslims.

A person asked the Prophet who was among the Best of the Muslims.

The prophet said: "(the one) whose hand and tongue, other Muslims are safe (from)"
(sahih Muslim, Book #001, Hadith #0064)

He never participated in group discussions (you know, the type where the most gossips, backbiting and rumour mills spreading): his conversations are one-on-one, personal discussions, very straight to the point, very pleasant, with a smile never leaving his face.

There’s a physical reason behind this: the thing about Tok Wei is that since I was very young (perhaps for the past 20 years or so), he couldn’t hear very well. As a result of that for quite a significant portion of his later life, he didn’t have much conversations. But instead of it being seen like a handicap, he managed to utilize this to a beneficial advantage : he would never participate in any vain, negative or idle talk whatsoever.

This allowed him to completely disassociate himself from any form of gossip and backbiting; thus, coupled with his peaceful and harmless nature, and his very consistent ibadah (worship) at the masjid, this allowed him to retain perhaps all of his good deeds.

Unlike many of us who DO have the perfect ability of speech and hearing, that we always abuse ourselves by negative use of our tongue – inadvertently eroding our good deeds.

The Prophet (sallAllahu alayhi wasallam) said: “Do you know who is the one who is bankrupt?”

They said: “Among us, the one who is bankrupt is the one who has no dirhams and no goods.”

He said: “Rather, the one who is bankrupt amongst my ummah (nation) is the one who will come on the Day of Resurrection with (his good deeds, of) prayer, fasting and zakaah,

but he will come having insulted this one, slandered that one, consumed the wealth of this one, shed the blood of that one and beaten this one,

all of whom will be given some of his hasanaat (good deeds), and if his hasanaat run out before the scores have been settled, some of their sins will be taken and thrown onto him, then he will be cast into the Fire.” (Sahih Muslim, Book #032, Hadith #6251)

So, while he wasn’t a great scholar or a memorizer of Qur’an, but because he didn’t oppress anyone with his tongue or his hand, all of his deeds remain intact. And this reminds me of how important akhlaq (good character) is in our lives. On the other hand, many of those who claim to have knowledge and are very active in the deen, are guilty of so much verbal abuse and risk nullifying their deeds.

This is a reminder to us about a very devious way in which Satan subconsciously attacks us – by shifting our priorities & making us belittle the importance of good character, especially of guarding the tongue from harmful and oppressive speech: as a result, we are continuously led down a hole which slowly eats away the good deeds which we spent so much effort in sowing.

So for those of us who do have perfect hearing and perfect speech, let everyone never forget this golden rule – the Prophet said,

“.. whomsoever believes in Allah and the Last Day (i.e. Day of Judgment), let him speak what is good, or just remain silent!” (Sahih Al-Bukhari, Book #73, Hadith #47)

And subhanAllah the following hadith gives a real optimism about Tok Wei, and makes me ponder my own shortcomings  

“I will tell you the distinguishing marks of a person for whom the fire of Hell has been made unlawful and who is a forbidden person for Hellfire to consume:

He is a man who bears a sweet temper, tender heart and is soft spoken” (Narrated in Tirmidzi)

As per Lesson #1, it’s worth reflecting from this point of view: what if we were to die TODAY? Will it be a sad departure of a person who brought benefit to others – or a sigh of relief as the world releases a big burden from itself?

It’s easy to let petty worldly arguments let our guard down in terms of observing our good character, as we lose professionalism and sometimes leaves heavy marks on people’s hearts. From our backbiting, our slander, our offensive demeanor: Is this ‘baggage’ something that we want to drag with us when we leave? A source

Because really, if our tongues and bad character can lead to our destruction, are we better of being mute and deaf? How ungrateful are we for these great blessings that God has blessed us with.

Our tongue, our character – can make or break us.

Tread carefully: depart in peace!

Alhamdulillah, that’s the end of this entry. While – I must say again, these 3 points definitely do not do justice to the ocean of good deeds and goodness that was my grandfather, Mr. Mohamed Ali a.k.a. “Tok Wei”, it is hoped that, with this small effort, in my individual capacity as his eldest grandson, it is a means of attaining the highest levels of Paradise, with Allah Most High.

Once again, I remind myself and to all readers out there, to make du’aa (supplications to Allah) for him, especially with this du’aa taught by the Prophet (sallAllahu alayhi wasallam):

اللَّهُمَّ اغْفِرْ لَهُ وَارْحَمْهُ، وَعَافِهِ، وَاعْفُ عَنْهُ، وَأَكْرِمْ نُزُلَهُ، وَوَسِّعْ مُدْخَلَهُ، وَاغْسِلْهُ بِالْمَاءِ وَالثَّلْجِ وَالْبَرَدْ، وَنَقِّهِ مِنَ الْخَطَايَا كَما نَقَّيْتَ الثَّوْبُ الأَبْيَضَ مِنَ الدَّنَسِ، وَأَبْدِلْهُ دَاراً خَيْراً مِنْ دَارِهِ، وَأَهْلاً خَيْراً مِنْ أَهْلِهِ، وَزَوْجاً خَيْراً مِنْ زَوْجِهِ، وَأَدْخِلْهُ الْجَنَّةَ، وَأَعِذْهُ مِنْ عَذَابِ الْقَبْرِ وَعَذَابِ النَّارِ

O Allah, forgive him and have mercy on him and give him strength and pardon him. Be generous to him and cause his entrance to be wide and wash him with water and snow and hail. Cleanse him of his transgressions as white cloth is cleansed of stains. Give him an abode better than his home, and a family better than his family and a wife better than his wife. Take him into Paradise and protect him from the punishment of the grave (and from the punishment of Hell-fire).
(Sahih muslim)