Sadaqah Ramadhan - An Experience of Tarbiyyah and Tazkiyah

An Experience of Tarbiyyah and Tazkiyah

Alhamdulillah - All praises and thanks to Allah - Who has blessed us with the opportunity to contribute and assist some needy families throughout this Ramadhan. 
As much as these activities are of value as a means of charity and in helping others, they also serve to be a means of self-enlightenment, education (tarbiyyah) and purification (tazkiyyah) for us and softening our hearts - profound life lessons and wisdoms that has to be experienced to be truly learnt; ones that you just can’t learn from classrooms and textbooks. 

Summary:
1. The role of Family (and Importance of responsibility) 
2. What you have today, you May Lose tomorrow - a lesson in shukr (gratitude) and sabr (patience) 
3. The satisfaction of helping and bringing joy to your fellow brother 
4. Safeguard the rights of Allah, and Allah will safeguard you 
5. Indeed the Help of Allah is near 
6. Brotherhood and collaborating towards righteousness 
7. Mixing with people and improving our Akhlaq 
8. Taking initiative, being proactive and stepping up 

1. THE ROLE OF FAMILY (AND IMPORTANCE OF RESPONSIBILITY)

One of the most profound lessons is witnessing firsthand the importance of the family role in any given household. 

We have seen some absolutely appalling examples of irresponsibility, causing the family to be almost completely torn apart, to the extent that the remainder of the family drops below the poverty threshold and making them eligible for zakat. Throughout the families I have visited this month alone, we have seen the following examples :

😢men abandoning their household, leaving behind their wives to survive on their own as single mothers (unfortunately, it pains me to say that this is the most common of cases – when the "male" doesn’t behave like a "man"); 
😥 a lady suffering permanent disabilities due to domestic physical abuse; 
😢 a wife abandoning her ill husband; 
😭 and the most appalling example is the case of a lady who was completely abandoned by her husband AND three children - because they were ashamed of her means of income: picking up scraps to be sent for recycle, and because she contracted HIV from her husband, she was unable to get employed due or even sell food to the social stigma of HIV patients. 

Yet at the same time, we have seen some amazing and inspiring examples when family members take ownership and full responsibility of their roles. 
✅ A father of 4 children (one of whom was still infant) had to assume responsibilities as the sole breadwinner AND the "mother" of the family when his wife was inflicted with a severe case of cancer, losing consciousness for months at a time - yet kept optimistic, working hard, remaining patient, diligently supporting his children until they emerged as top scorers in their class in spite of their mothers' condition. 
✅A woman leaving her career behind to take care of an ailing parent; 
✅ Children and the mother keeping things afloat as their father suffers a stroke enduring partial disability, keeping him optimistic throughout the years: until he slowly recovers and eventually gains back the ability to walk again..  And in those years of being unable to work and earn for the family, Allah sends him help through his BROTHER who selflessly spent thousands to help out support the family. Allahu Akbar.

Wonderful things happen when we take ownership, assume responsibility, and care for others –  in the same way that the lives of others can fall into a completely disaster when we abandon them. 
This holds especially true for the men, my dear fellow husbands and fathers. Gentlemen, this is true manliness: integrity, responsibility and compassion. True manhood isn't about physical strength, looks, intellect, wealth, career or rank in society. We have an incredible role to play as the foundation of our households. Play them well and you form the building blocks of a successful society. 
The Prophet ﷺ said,
خَيْرُكُمْ خَيْرُكُمْ لأَهْلِهِ وَأَنَا خَيْرُكُمْ لأَهْلِي
"The best of you is the best towards his family - and i am the Best towards my family" (Narrated by Ibnu Majah) 

أَكْمَلُ الْمُؤْمِنِينَ إِيمَانًا أَحْسَنُهُمْ خُلُقًا وَخِيَارُكُمْ خِيَارُكُمْ لِنِسَائِهِمْ خُلُقًا
“The most complete of the believers in faith, is the one with the best character among them. And the best of you are those who are best to your women.” (Narrated by At-Tirmidzi) 

As Sheikh Assim Al-Hakeem put – we need to step up and be a REAL MAN. There is a difference between a "male", and a MAN. A donkey can be a male. But REAL men: those are very few indeed.

2. WHAT YOU HAVE TODAY, YOU MAY LOSE TOMORROW - A LESSON IN SHUKR (GRATITUDE) AND SABR (PATIENCE) 

QaddarAllah, many of the families we visited were stricken by sudden tribulations and calamities which left the families in extremely dire circumstances. 

💥 In one instance, a caring and responsible father of four (one of whom was a 9-month infant) met with a tragic workplace incident and died instantly, leaving the family without a breadwinner and man of the house. 
💥 In one case, the husband (who was married to a local) got deported immediately to his home country when he was exposed for working without a visa, thus leaving behind his wife and 12 children - none of whom were old enough to earn income at the time of his departure.
💥 In several separate cases, the man of the house suddenly got attacked by severe injuries illnesses, immediately leaving them incapacitated or with permanent disabilities, unable to work and earn for the family. 

SubhanAllah imagine, within an instant, our conditions can change by the will of Allah. We hear all the time from our mashaykh to be grateful for the blessings that Allah has given it, because “Allah can take it away in a blink of an eye”. To learn it in theory is one thing, but to witness multiple cases of it happening, and the impact it has for years to come, across  multiple family members – is a real touching sight to behold. 

And we have a responsibility to remind our fellow Muslim brothers and sisters to remain patient and steadfast – for this world is only temporary, and the life in the Hereafter is where true happiness and suffering lies. Trials keep us humble and remind our place as slaves to our Creator. But the most motivating aspect of our faith is to have 100% assurance: that every second of patience will be rewarded and compensated for something better by Allah.

The Prophet ﷺ said: 
مَا يُصِيبُ الْمُسْلِمَ مِنْ نَصَبٍ وَلاَ وَصَبٍ وَلاَ هَمٍّ وَلاَ حُزْنٍ وَلاَ أَذًى وَلاَ غَمٍّ حَتَّى الشَّوْكَةِ يُشَاكُهَا، إِلاَّ كَفَّرَ اللَّهُ بِهَا مِنْ خَطَايَاهُ
"No fatigue, nor disease, nor sorrow, nor sadness, nor hurt, nor distress befalls a Muslim, even if it were the prick he receives from a thorn, but that Allah forgives some of his sins for that (i.e. on account of his patience)." (Narrated by Al-Bukhari, Muslim)  

It’s also a startling reminder for us to be THANKFUL for the blessings that Allah has granted us, and to use them in ways which He is pleased with. A simple trigger of illness can immediately change the course of our lives altogether: so much of our blessings of good health, free time, strength, capabilities, and wealth are we using in ways which demonstrate our thankfulness to Him? Before it is seized away from us (we seek refuge in Allah from that!)?

The Prophet reminded us : 

اغْتَنِمْ خَمْسًا قبلَ خَمْسٍ : شَبابَكَ قبلَ هِرَمِكَ ، وصِحَّتَكَ قبلَ سَقَمِكَ ، وغِناكَ قبلَ فَقْرِكَ ، وفَرَاغَكَ قبلَ شُغْلِكَ ، وحَياتَكَ قبلَ مَوْتِكَ
“Take advantage of five matters before five other matters: 
your youth, before you become old; and 
your health, before you fall sick; and 
your richness, before you become poor; and 
your free time before you become busy; and 
your life, before your death.” 
(Narrated by al-Hakim, classified Sahih by Al-Albani) 

Which is why also the Prophet sought refuge from these tribulations:

اللَّهُمَّ إِنِّي أَعُوذُ بِكَ مِنْ زَوَالِ نِعْمَتِكَ وَتَحَوُّلِ عَافِيَتِكَ وَفُجَاءَةِ نِقْمَتِكَ وَجَمِيعِ سَخَطِكَ
O Allah, I seek refuge in You that Your blessings are lifted, and Your protection (of me) is changed, and in the suddenness of Your punishment, and from all Your anger.
(Muslim) 

It goes without saying as well, in general, through all the families we met and conversed with: be thankful for many of the things we take for granted. Many people out there – some literally within reach of our own backyard – are suffering to get the basic necessities we have every day. It should put our lives into perspective as we examine our “first world problems” and habits of comparing ourselves with others, always yearning for more of what others have: especially in this day and age when our social media is filled with the “highlight reel” of others. 

The Messenger of Allah (ﷺ) said, 
انْظُرُوا إِلَى مَنْ أَسْفَلَ مِنْكُمْ وَلاَ تَنْظُرُوا إِلَى مَنْ هُوَ فَوْقَكُمْ فَهُوَ أَجْدَرُ أَنْ لاَ تَزْدَرُوا نِعْمَةَ اللَّه
"Look at those who are inferior to you and do not look at those who are superior to you, for this will keep you from belittling Allah's Favour to you."
(Al-Bukhari, Muslim) 

3. THE SATISFACTION OF HELPING AND BRINGING JOY TO YOUR FELLOW BROTHER

The Prophet said, 

لاَ تَحْقِرَنَّ مِنَ الْمَعْرُوفِ شَيْئًا وَلَوْ أَنْ تَلْقَى أَخَاكَ بِوَجْهٍ طَلْقٍ
“Do not consider anything insignificant out of good things even if it is that you meet your brother with a cheerful face” (Muslim)


It is incumbent for us to remind ourselves that our efforts here are meagre. These small deeds alone are in no way nearly enough to alleviate the suffering of these individuals. We are not here to “end world poverty”. 

Rather, I believe, if we can add just instil that bit of hope in Allah – for our fellow brothers and sisters to be that bit more optimistic that the help of Allah is near – and believe in themselves to have more tawakkul, sabr, and shukr, and thus inspired to become that bit more of a better Muslim, then to me, that is a huge achievement and privilege of barakah from Allah. 

The Prophet Muhammad ﷺ said :

«أَحَبُّ النَّاسِ إِلَى اللَّهِ أَنْفَعُهُمْ لِلنَّاسِ، وَأَحَبُّ الأَعْمَالِ إِلَى اللَّهِ سُرُورٌ تُدْخِلُهُ عَلَى مُسْلِمٍ، أَوْ تَكْشِفُ عَنْهُ كُرْبَةً، أَوْ تَطْرُدُ عَنْهُ جُوعًا، أَوْ تَقْضِي عَنْهُ دَيْنًا،
"The most beloved of people to Allaah are those who are most beneficial for the people.
The most beloved of actions to Allaah Azza wa Jalla are :

✅ To cause happiness towards a fellow Muslim, or
✅ To relieve him from a hardship, or
✅ To repel hunger from him, or
✅ To settle a debt for a fellow Muslim

وَلأَنْ أَمْشِيَ مَعَ أَخٍ لِي فِي حَاجَةٍ، أَحَبُّ إِلَيَّ مِنْ أَنْ أَعْتَكِفَ فِي هَذَا الْمَسْجِدِ -يَعْنِي مَسْجِدَ الْمَدِينَةِ- شَهْرًا،
For me to walk with a brother to fulfill his need is more beloved to me than to make ‘Itikaf in this Masjid (Masjid al-Madeenah) for an entire month. 

وَمَنْ كَفَّ غَضَبَهُ سَتَرَ اللَّهُ عَوْرَتَهُ، وَمَنْ كَتَمَ غَيْظَهُ، وَلَوْ شَاءَ أَنْ يُمْضِيَهُ أَمْضَاهُ، مَلأَ اللَّهُ قَلْبَهُ يَوْمَ الْقِيَامَةِ رِضًا، 
❗Whoever holds back his anger then Allah hides his mistakes.
❗Whoever suppresses his anger –  while he is able to vent it – Allah fills his heart with happiness on the day of Judgement.

وَمَنْ مَشَى مَعَ أَخِيهِ فِي حَاجَةٍ حَتَّى يُثْبِتَهَا، أَثْبَتَ اللَّهُ قَدَمَيْهِ يَوْمَ تَزُولُ الأَقْدَامُ،
Whoever walks with his brother to assist him with a need until he has helped him completely, then Allah plants his feet firmly on the day people will not be able to stand firm. 

وَإِنَّ سُوءَ الْخُلُقِ يُفْسِدُ الْعَمَلَ، كَمَا يُفْسِدُ الْخَلُّ الْعَسَلَ» - الحديثِ الحسنِ الذي رواهُ الطبرانيُّ وابنُ أبي الدُّنيا وغيرهُما
 (السلسلة الصحيحة: ج2، [906]).
Indeed, Evil character spoils one’s deeds just as vinegar spoils honey”

(Narrated by At-Tabarani and Ibn Abid-dunya. Graded Hasan by al-Albaani)


مَنْ نَفَّسَ عَنْ مُؤْمِنٍ كُرْبَةً مِنْ كُرَبِ الدُّنْيَا نَفَّسَ اللَّهُ عَنْهُ كُرْبَةً مِنْ كُرَبِ يَوْمِ الْقِيَامَةِ وَمَنْ يَسَّرَ عَلَى مُعْسِرٍ يَسَّرَ اللَّهُ عَلَيْهِ فِي الدُّنْيَا وَالآخِرَةِ وَمَنْ سَتَرَ مُسْلِمًا سَتَرَهُ اللَّهُ فِي الدُّنْيَا وَالآخِرَةِ وَاللَّهُ فِي عَوْنِ الْعَبْدِ مَا كَانَ الْعَبْدُ فِي عَوْنِ أَخِيهِ
He who alleviates the suffering of a brother out of the sufferings of the world, Allah would alleviate his suffering from the sufferings of the Day of Resurrection, and he who finds relief for one who is hard-pressed, Allah would make things easy for him in the Hereafter, and he who conceals (the faults) of a Muslim, Allah would conceal his faults in the world and in the Hereafter. Allah is at the back of a servant so long as the servant is at the back of his brother
(Muslim) 

4. SAFEGUARD THE RIGHTS OF ALLAH, AND ALLAH WILL SAFEGUARD YOU 

As said by the Prophet ﷺ, 
احْفَظْ اللَّهَ يَحْفَظْك، احْفَظْ اللَّهَ تَجِدْهُ تُجَاهَك
Be mindful of Allah and Allah will protect you. Be mindful of Allah and you will find Him in front of you 
(Narrated by At-Tirmidhi, hasan Sahih) 

تَعَرَّفْ إلَى اللَّهِ فِي الرَّخَاءِ يَعْرِفُك فِي الشِّدَّةِ
"Get to know (remember) Allah in times of ease, and He will Know (I.e. Help) you in your  times of hardship" 
(Narrated by ibn rajab, Ibn Hajr Al-Asqalani, classified Sahih lighayrihi in Sahih Al-Jami of Al-Albani) 


We have seen some genuinely inspiring examples of those who hold firm in spite of the circumstances they end up in. 
- One uncle, despite having diabetes, had both his feet amputated and has to undergo dialysis 3 times per week, still has the strength in him to fast EVERY DAY in Ramadhan – and never suffered any risk of hypoglycaemia, in spite of his fast. 
- One brother, who suffered a severe case of brain tumor, still regularly prays in jamaah at his local surau
From the conversations we have been having, I have observed one common theme among this and other cases, as some stated above: when they were serious in worshipping Allah in times of ease and capability, Allah preserved them throughout their hardship, and they remained steadfast throughout their ordeals. 

5. INDEED THE HELP OF ALLAH IS NEAR

Throughout our visits we also learnt of some truly magnificent stories of patience and being alleviated from difficulties. In the aforementioned case above where the mother was diagnosed with cancer and was in a state of unconsciousness for many months, her situation worsened to the point where the doctors declared that there was “no hope” for her – and her husband even called up the local masjid to arrange the funeral prayer and processions. Yet, fast forward a few years later, right now she is recovering well, is living happily with the family and occasionally assists her husband in his business. 

The father who suffered a stroke – whom the people thought he would never walk again – has now regained his ability to walk again. 

The mother who had to endure the hardship of raising 12 children on her own – since her case was made known to several organizations, including Baitulmal and other NGO’s – has received plentiful financial aid, and her eldest son has graduated with a job. When we first met her 3 years ago, tears would fall down her cheeks – and now, she smiles  
Hardships and tribulations always seem like they last “forever” when we are going through them. Yet, in the same way that Allah can take away our blessings in an instant, He can also take away our hardships in an instant too – if He wills it. And once He takes away that hardship and grants you the relief, you look back and only felt like a fleeting moment. 
This is as the Prophet ﷺ describes the person who enters Paradise for a moment:

وَيُؤْتَى بِأَشَدِّ النَّاسِ بُؤْسًا فِي الدُّنْيَا مِنْ أَهْلِ الْجَنَّةِ فَيُصْبَغُ صَبْغَةً فِي الْجَنَّةِ فَيُقَالُ لَهُ يَا ابْنَ آدَمَ هَلْ رَأَيْتَ بُؤْسًا قَطُّ هَلْ مَرَّ بِكَ شِدَّةٌ قَطُّ فَيَقُولُ لاَ وَاللَّهِ يَا رَبِّ مَا مَرَّ بِي بُؤُسٌ قَطُّ وَلاَ رَأَيْتُ شِدَّةً قَطُّ
“.. And one of the people of Paradise who had experienced extreme miserable (and difficult) life in this world will be dipped (for a moment) in Paradise. 
Then he will be asked: “O son of Adam! Have you ever experience any misery? Did you ever encounter difficulty?” 
He will say: "I Swear by Allah, no my Lord, I neither experienced misery nor passed through hardship". (Muslim)

Brothers and sisters, we may be going through our own individual difficulties and trials. But remember that He will never burden us beyond what we can bear. He Knows what you are going through, He hears you and He is All-Merciful. Bear the hardship with patience, seek the help of Allah, and put your trust in Allah that indeed His help is near. If the hardship persists, perhaps there is a lesson that He is teaching us, to humble us and to turn to him: perhaps, our time isn’t now. Or perhaps, He has Reserved the best for the Hereafter. 

أَمْ حَسِبْتُمْ أَنْ تَدْخُلُوا الْجَنَّةَ وَلَمَّا يَأْتِكُمْ مَثَلُ الَّذِينَ خَلَوْا مِنْ قَبْلِكُمْ ۖ مَسَّتْهُمُ الْبَأْسَاءُ وَالضَّرَّاءُ وَزُلْزِلُوا حَتَّىٰ يَقُولَ الرَّسُولُ وَالَّذِينَ آمَنُوا مَعَهُ مَتَىٰ نَصْرُ اللَّـهِ ۗ أَلَا إِنَّ نَصْرَ اللَّـهِ قَرِيبٌ
“Or do you think that you will enter Paradise while such [trial] has not yet come to you as came to those who passed on before you? 
They were touched by poverty and hardship and were shaken until [even their] messenger and those who believed with him said, "When is the help of Allah?" 
Unquestionably, the help of Allah is near! (Surah Al-Baqarah, 214)



6. BROTHERHOOD AND COLLABORATING TOWARDS RIGHTEOUSNESS

One of the reasons I look forward to participating in these kind of activities is the opportunities to collaborate with my fellow brothers whom I love for the sake of Allah, including those I have not met for many years prior and it feels great to be able to meet up with them. 

Also within those brief moments we have travelling from one house to another, we have pockets of time that we can catch up, share our thoughts and ideas – and its these short moments that I enjoy. Despite the advancements in communication technology (which has so much susceptibility for misunderstanding and miscommunication), nothing beats old school meet and greet.

It was also particularly inspiring to see that some of these brothers working together were the same brothers who started learning the deen and the sunnah with me together many years ago: still standing strong in supporting these efforts. 

May Allah make us amongst those who receive the shade of Allah – on the Day when the sun will be a short distance over our heads – and there will be no share except His shade, amongst the individuals as described by the Prophet ﷺ:

وَرَجُلاَنِ تَحَابَّا فِي اللَّهِ اجْتَمَعَا عَلَيْهِ وَتَفَرَّقَا عَلَيْهِ
“And two men, who Love each other for the sake of Allah, meet each other because of their Love for Him and depart from each other for the sake of Allah” (Muslim)

وَتَعَاوَنُوا عَلَى الْبِرِّ وَالتَّقْوَىٰ ۖ
“And collaborate, all of you, towards righteousness and piety (taqwa)!” (Surah Al-Maidah, 2)


7. MIXING WITH PEOPLE AND IMPROVING OUR AKHLAQ

I always take these initiatives as an opportunity to get to know people, interact with them, practice active listening, sharing words of encouragement and reminders – and every time I partake in these activities, especially as we deal with different demographics of people in varying education backgrounds, income, social strata, and race, always helps adding a depth of social empathy towards improving my communication and thus aids towards my self-improvement and development. 

I am inspired by individuals who take the initiative to get to know people, develop a genuine compassion towards helping them, and thus actively facilitate other charitable organizations and/or people to give in charity to assist them – not just as “a job”, but rather with a sincere determination to help them. The simple fact that they leveraged their network for the sake of charity, entitles them to the reward of Allah for every single cent that others give in charity for them. Now THIS is what I call a blessed (Mubarak) relationship: those who utilize their socialization skills for the benefit of others around them. 

These individuals made me deeply reflect my own relationships with people and how I can be a person of barakah to the people around me, to add value to others.  

The Prophet ﷺ said, 
الْمُؤْمِنُ الَّذِي يُخَالِطُ النَّاسَ وَيَصْبِرُ عَلَى أَذَاهُمْ أَعْظَمُ أَجْرًا مِنَ الْمُؤْمِنِ الَّذِي لاَ يُخَالِطُ النَّاسَ وَلاَ يَصْبِرُ عَلَى أَذَاهُمْ
“The believer who mixes with people and bears their annoyance with patience will have a greater reward than the believer who does not mix with people and does not put up with their annoyance.” (Ibnu Majah)

8. TAKING INITIATIVE, BEING PROACTIVE AND STEPPING UP

It was worth pointing out that I am very inspired walhamdulillah by the fact that we can achieve a so much from a last minute decision from a few brothers simply by being proactive, taking initiative, reaching out committing to it.

For this activity on the 2nd of June, one brother triggered, another brother responded stating his food pack readiness, another brother "secretly" contacting another brother who had a connection with one person from the Kota Damansara community who had the info of all the needy families, and the brothers immediately responded, Masha Allah. For our activities in Miri, it was pretty much driven by 3 people within the committee, and facilitated the entire initiative throughout Ramadhan. 

Imagine the potential barakah if we do a more organized continuous effort. It's time to strategize and think how we can systematically execute such projects in the future on a more continous basis. 

The Prophet ﷺ said, 
مَنْ سَنَّ سُنَّةً حَسَنَةً فَعُمِلَ بِهَا كَانَ لَهُ أَجْرُهَا وَمِثْلُ أَجْرِ مَنْ عَمِلَ بِهَا لاَ يَنْقُصُ مِنْ أُجُورِهِمْ شَيْئًا
“Whomsoever introduces a good practice (sunnah) that is followed, he will receive its reward and a reward equivalent to that of those who follow it, without that detracting from their reward in their slightest.” (Narrated by Ibnu Majah, also in Muslim)

May Allah accept and grant barakah to all those involved, and alleviate the difficulty and hardships of those undergoing through them, and unite us all in the highest levels of Jannah.

Eid Mubarak : TaqabballAllahu minna wa minkum