SITUATION: A senior "otai" colleague suddenly sent a furious e-mail, questioning why our project (initiated in 2019) has been delayed and has no progress. In his frustration, instructed his team member to instruct another fellow boss to pressure our team to perform, although this senior colleague actually sits nearby and could have just asked me in person. The e-mail was CC-ed to other bosses, triggering alarms, raising eyebrows, turning up the heat, and possibly exploding into all-out conflict, resulting in a chain of defensive e-mail responses, before finally placing me in the loop.
TASK: Now that I have been dragged into this hot conversation, on behalf of the team, I have to figure out how to diffuse the situation so we can move forward without jeopardizing our current project plans.
ACTIONS TAKEN:
1. Keep calm, do not respond on impulse. Make a nice cup of coffee, analyze the trailing emails, project history and team members to assess the situation. What actually happened is, the project was deliberately rescheduled to start this year (hence no progress in 2019), BUT here's the thing: the communication of the decision was not cascaded to him - so he was under the impression that our team "did nothing". In an unrelated incident, upon further "offline" investigation, it turns out that this senior colleague was recently pressured by his boss to deliver an unnecessarily difficult KPI and hence made our project an "easy target" to push.
2. OK. Faham tuan. Context understood. Next action: meet the senior colleague face to face on good faith to clear the air, explain to him what happened, what was done, and what is being planned next, then focused the discussion opening up his suggestions on possible alternative solutions to get the project executed faster, and what we need from his team to get it done. We nod in agreement, we end the conversation with a smile. De-escalation successful.
3. I discuss the internally with our team and we identified the issues, if it was actually feasible, and what it takes to "get it done". To seal the deal, I sent an e-mail to explain everything that was discussed, and although the incidents that led to these moments were not my fault per se, I parked my ego aside, and apologized on behalf of our team for the miscommunication (as per this screenshot photo).
RESULTS:
Crisis defused. We understand each other's issues and move forward with a positive collaborative spirit, life moves on.
الْحَمْدُ لِلَّهِ الَّذِي بِنِعْمَتِهِ تَتِمُّ الصَّالِحَاتُ
WHAT I LEARNT FROM THIS:
1. Do not get angry. Control your emotions.
2. Do not get angry. Control your emotions.
3. Do not get angry. Control your emotions.
4. Face to face is always the best communication medium. Electronic media can lead to a lot of miscommunication
5. When we take the effort to understand each other, dig up the root cause of the issues and show our earnest efforts to collaborate on good faith towards a win-win outcome, even the toughest of persons can be disarmed.
6. Focus on finding a solution. Not escalating the severity of the problem.
7. If we or our team genuinely made mistakes, no need to get defensive; being defensive can inadvertently incite further challenge, resulting in even more defensiveness, and raise more tough questions, rinse and repeat, finally triggering a snowball effect across a slipper slope of conflict escalation. Just swallow our pride, make our professional apology, and move on.
8. Let past mistakes serve as a lesson; not an excuse to bash others.
عَنْ أَبِي هُرَيْرَةَ ـ رضى الله عنه ـ أَنَّ رَجُلاً، قَالَ لِلنَّبِيِّ صلى الله عليه وسلم أَوْصِنِي. قَالَ " لاَ تَغْضَبْ ". فَرَدَّدَ مِرَارًا، قَالَ " لاَ تَغْضَبْ ".
A man said to the Prophet (ﷺ) , "Advise me! "The Prophet (ﷺ) said, "Do not get angry."
The man asked (the same question) again and again, and in each case, the Prophet (ﷺ) said: "Do not get angry."
(Narrated by Al-Bukhari)
The Prophet ﷺ said,
لَيْسَ الشَّدِيدُ بِالصُّرَعَةِ إِنَّمَا الشَّدِيدُ الَّذِي يَمْلِكُ نَفْسَهُ عِنْدَ الْغَضَبِ
"The strong person is not one who wrestles well and overcomes others with his physical strength; but the (truly) strong person is one who controls himself when he is angry"
(Narrated by Al-Bukhari)
إِنَّ الْمُسْلِمَ إِذَا كَانَ مُخَالِطًا النَّاسَ وَيَصْبِرُ عَلَى أَذَاهُمْ خَيْرٌ مِنَ الْمُسْلِمِ الَّذِي لاَ يُخَالِطُ النَّاسَ وَلاَ يَصْبِرُ عَلَى أَذَاهُمْ
"Verily, the Muslim who mixes with other people and is patient with the harm they inflict upon him, is better than the Muslim who does not mix with others and is not patient with the harm they inflict"
(Narrated by At-Tirmidzi)
وَقُل لِّعِبَادِي يَقُولُوا الَّتِي هِيَ أَحْسَنُ إِنَّ الشَّيْطَانَ يَنزَغُ بَيْنَهُمْ إِنَّ الشَّيْطَانَ كَانَ لِلْإِنسَانِ عَدُوًّا مُّبِينًا
And say to My slaves that they should (only) say those words that are the best. (Because) Shaitan (Satan) verily, sows disagreements among them. Surely, Shaitan (Satan) is to man a plain enemy.
(Surah Al-Isra, 53)
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ReplyDeleteAs a matter of fact, Wesley was in the military-and soon after leaving-he revealed hidden, "self mind control" secrets that the government and others used to get whatever they want.
THESE are the EXACT same tactics many famous people (notably those who "come out of nothing") and elite business people used to become wealthy and successful.
You probably know that you use only 10% of your brain.
Really, that's because the majority of your brain's power is UNCONSCIOUS.
Maybe that expression has even occurred IN YOUR very own head... as it did in my good friend Wesley Virgin's head about seven years back, while driving an unregistered, beat-up garbage bucket of a car with a suspended driver's license and with $3.20 in his bank account.
"I'm absolutely frustrated with going through life paycheck to paycheck! When will I finally make it?"
You took part in those types of questions, isn't it so?
Your very own success story is waiting to happen. You just need to take a leap of faith in YOURSELF.
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