“Just make du’aa for me” – Response to Gratitude

When our fellow Muslims thank or express gratitude to a person, or perhaps when they say something like "I don't know how to repay you", sometimes one may give this response: "just make du'aa for me". 

At times it can be very subtle: we tell the person “جَزَاكَ اللّٰهُ خَيْرًا” (may Allah reward you with good) per the sunnah, the person says, “doakan ana”. 

At first glance, it seems like a very positive response: I don’t want any tangible rewards or payment, I just want your du’aa. Sounds innocent and sincere, masha Allah. 

Plot twist: This response is actually not appropriate. When we ask others to “make du’aa for me” after we have done a favor for them, this automatically implies we are expecting something in return, hence this request actually contradicts true ikhlas (sincerity). By right, our thoughts should be as the ones modelled by what Allah describes as the Abrar (the righteous) in the Qur’an: 

إِنَّمَا نُطْعِمُكُمْ لِوَجْهِ اللَّهِ لَا نُرِيدُ مِنكُمْ جَزَاءً وَلَا شُكُورًا

"We provide you with food, seeking only the Face of Allah. We do not wish from you any recompense nor any thanks" (Al-Insan 76:9)

Also: Ever noticed also how sometimes, when people share tips and knowledge online or in forums, they sarcastically say at the end: “you can thank me later”? 

So annoying. 

Likewise, as a self-reminder, to prevent ourselves from being instilled with this “gratitude entitlement” mindset, we have to be careful not to state “make du’aa for me” when we do a favor for others, as an indirect and implicit means to remind others to be grateful and solicit their appreciation. 

(Note: This is different from a general request of others to make du’aa for us in times of need such as sickness, success in exams, trials in difficulty, or overcoming any challenges, when there is no aspect of gratitude / recompense in the picture. Those ones, no worries.. Go ahead.)

Making du’aa for others in secret is an amazing act of righteousness and should be done from the heart out of sincere gratitude. The Prophet ﷺ said, 

وَمَنْ صَنَعَ إِلَيْكُمْ مَعْرُوفًا فَكَافِئُوهُ فَإِنْ لَمْ تَجِدُوا مَا تُكَافِئُونَهُ فَادْعُوا لَهُ حَتَّى تَرَوْا أَنَّكُمْ قَدْ كَافَأْتُمُوهُ‏

“If anyone does an act of kindness for you, repay him; but if you have not the means to do so, pray for him until you feel that you have compensated him. 

(Narrated by Abu Daud, graded sahih by Al-Albani)