In a recent conversation, one of my senior friends told another unmarried friend: “If you want to have children, bear in mind, you need at least half a million ringgit, per child. That’s the minimum you need to expect to invest for a quality degree and good education.”
It’s not uncommon to hear such expressions. Many investment consultants commonly promote their “WHY” of investment: to provide for children’s education.
Same thing with discussions on: Why MUST you buy a house? Why not just rent? Why work hard today?
Also when it comes to the long hours debating the issue of vaccines. Why?
The answers usually revolve around the same reason: “For our children’s future”.
But by far the most inspiring one I have personally heard so far is by Mufti Ismail Menk. A few years ago, in a small gathering, he once told us how his son was doing well in his studies and in sports, but he was lagging behind in his Hifz (memorization of the Qur’an). So, he told his son (to the effect of),
“Son, I see you are doing well in these areas, but please take care of your Hifz. If you excel at school but don’t do well in your Hifz, it’s going to break my heart”.
Wow. It was such a short comment, but it resonated so much with me after all these years, especially now that I have a child of my own. It’s so wonderful to hear examples of a father connecting with his son, heart-to-heart, and clearly laying out his expectations. It’s the kind of relationship that I imagine Ya’qub had with his son, Yusuf as Allah taught us in the beginning of Surah Yusuf.
Interestingly, this is also consistent with a lesson taught by the book “Positive Discipline” – using “i-messages” to express your feelings to your children so you can encourage genuine cooperation and trust, built upon love and respect.
But more importantly, it also made me ponder upon the existential question regarding “working hard for our children’s future”: What legacy do we want to leave behind for them?
Consider the words of Prophet Muhammad ﷺ:
إِذَا مَاتَ الإِنْسَانُ انْقَطَعَ عَنْهُ عَمَلُهُ إِلاَّ مِنْ ثَلاَثَةٍ إِلاَّ مِنْ صَدَقَةٍ جَارِيَةٍ أَوْ عِلْمٍ يُنْتَفَعُ بِهِ أَوْ وَلَدٍ صَالِحٍ يَدْعُو لَهُ
“When a man dies, all of his deeds come to an end, except for three,
1. A recurring beneficial charity, and
2. knowledge (by which people) benefit, and
3. A righteous child, who prays for him (for the deceased).” (Muslim)
The expectations and efforts we put in for our children are an expression of what we – as parents – deem as important. As priority.
What do we deem as important investment? Good education? Nice house? Easy life in this dunya?
What will my legacy be, as a father, if my child grows up in perfect health, had top-notch qualifications, high-profile jobs, shiny mansions and shinier sports cars, but does not pray Fajr – let alone supplicate (make du’aa) for me after I die? Of what avail will all that wealth and knowledge that I left him with be, if it was consumed for selfish reasons, not spent for the sake of Allah for the benefit of others?
Or even if he does pray, make du’aa, recite Qur’an and spend for the sake of Allah, but he learnt all of that from teachers whom I had to “outsource”: and that he did not learn any of that from me, because I was too busy preparing “for his future”?
Am I going to lose out? 😭
Deep thoughts. Ones that we shouldn’t just brush aside, but rather, should mindfully confront and allow them to govern our day-to-day actions.
For our children’s future, of course.
What do you feel is the most important investment for your children?
#Invesment #ForOurChildrensFuture #TheBarakahEffect #CoolnessOfOurEyes
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