What an awesome hadith! It kept me thinking: How many men today will openly admit and declare that they love their wife the most?
Abu Uthman narrated:
The Messenger of Allah ﷺ assigned ‘Amr bin Al-Aas as the commander of the troops on the military expedition of Dzatus-Salasil. Amr bin Al-Aas said, “(On my return), I approached the Prophet ﷺ and asked, “Of all people, who do you love the most?”
The Prophet ﷺ responded, “Aisyah”.
Amr then said, “(I mean) among the men”
The Prophet ﷺ said, “her father” (i.e. Abu Bakr As-Siddiq)
Amr asked, “and then whom?”
The Prophet ﷺ responded, “Umar”
Amr said, “(As I continued inquiring), the Prophet continued mentioning the names of a number of men, and I decided to keep quiet out of fear that I might be the LEAST beloved amongst them!” (Narrated by Al-Bukhari).
عَنْ أَبِي عُثْمَانَ، أَنَّ رَسُولَ اللَّهِ صلى الله عليه وسلم بَعَثَ عَمْرَو بْنَ الْعَاصِ عَلَى جَيْشِ ذَاتِ السَّلاَسِلِ قَالَ فَأَتَيْتُهُ فَقُلْتُ أَىُّ النَّاسِ أَحَبُّ إِلَيْكَ قَالَ " عَائِشَةُ ". قُلْتُ مِنَ الرِّجَالِ قَالَ " أَبُوهَا ". قُلْتُ ثُمَّ مَنْ قَالَ " عُمَرُ ". فَعَدَّ رِجَالاً فَسَكَتُّ مَخَافَةَ أَنْ يَجْعَلَنِي فِي آخِرِهِمْ
BACKGROUND: AMR BIN AL-AS (radhiAllahu anhu)
Amr bin Al-Aas was amongst the companions who embraced Islam towards the end of the life of the Prophet ﷺ, specifically during the time of the conquest of Makkah, embracing Islam together with Khalid ibn Al-Walid. He was a well-known Qurayshi nobleman who was very knowledgeable and skilled in leadership.
Almost immediately after him embracing Islam, the Prophet appointed him as the military commander for the expedition of Dzatus-Salasil, leading three hundred from amongst the Muhajirin and Ansar. This gave the impression to Amr that the Prophet ﷺ had granted him a special favor as someone beloved to him ﷺ, as he observed that he was given command over some of the much senior companions of the Prophet ﷺ, and this made him very happy.
When he returned from the military expedition, he happily approached the Prophet ﷺ, confident that he was clearly amongst the Prophet’s “favorite” people, thus triggering him to ask - as per thie hadith - “Who do you love the most?”, with the expectation that he was amongst the chosen few.
Here are five interesting lessons we can obtain from this narration:
1️⃣ Declaring you Love your wifey: A perspective in "Masculinity"
Upon being asked, the Prophet ﷺ responded without hestitation – in the presence of other men – that of all the people in the world, he loved his wife, A’isyah, the most. This is an interesting observation. Many married men today would hesitate to confess that they love their wives, fearing criticism, or looking “less macho” (“hek elehhh.. sayang bini…”). When here, the one who was described as the bravest of men, the one who would lead battles courageously by fighting on the front lines, would openly admit that he loves his wife.
What is also interesting was that when he was asked whom amongst the men, he didn’t even say the name Abu Bakr As-Siddiq, or even the obvious personal relationship they had even before Prophethood (i.e. my best friend): rather, he described Abu Bakr as “her father”: tying it back to A’isyah.
2️⃣ Loving others for the sake of Allah #Bromance
The Prophet ﷺ affirmed his love for Abu Bakr and Umar. These days, it will be considered awkward or weird for men to admit that they love another person. Yet in Islam, if you really do Love another person for the sake of Allah, we SHOULD tell that person! The Prophet said, “إِذَا أَحَبَّ الرَّجُلُ أَخَاهُ فَلْيُخْبِرْهُ أَنَّهُ يُحِبُّهُ” - “When a man loves his brother, let him inform his brother that he loves him” (Abu Daud, At-Tirmidzi).
Loving others for the sake of Allah is a MAJOR component of brotherhood in Islam, to which unfortunately many have neglected or forgotten. Among some of the virtues from the authentic hadith of the Prophet ﷺ, some of the virtues of loving others for the sake of Allah is: you will receive the shade of Allah on the Day of Judgment; this was called “the best of deeds” and to attain the sweetness of iman, by which he attains “perfect” faith; to be gathered with those whom we love on the Day of Judgment; and finally, the Prophet ﷺ describes that for those who love each other for the sake of Allah, that on that Day, they will have glowing faces, sitting on pulpits of light: who will be envied by even the prophets and the martyrs!
3️⃣ Emotional Intelligence: Treating others to make them feel special
The Prophet ﷺ used to treat his companions in such a way that everyone thought they were special to him ﷺ, to the point that Amr bin Al-Aas – who wasn’t even the Prophet’s “top beloved companions”, would confidently feel that the Prophet ﷺ loved him the most!
How many leaders today can GENUINELY treat everyone across the organizations – from the executives, leaders, security, gardeners and cleaners – to the point that they personally feel they are special?
4️⃣ The Quality of Leadership
This also shows that the Prophet ﷺ did not appoint Amr out of a special sense of favoritism. He ﷺ selected Amr out of recognizing Amr’s strong capability of leadership, despite only recently embracing Islam, to lead over many senior companions, some of whom were amongst the earliest to embrace Islam, 20 years prior to that!
This is an important lesson in appointing leaders: Appointment of authority and leadership isn’t about personal preference, nor is it about seniority: it is based upon merits and capabilities to lead others. And although it can be honed and developed, Leadership is a rare ability that very few possess.
Interestingly on this point, at the same time this doesn’t necessarily mean that those with leadership capabilities are DEFINITELY more superior to those without that capability in the sight of Allah.
Here is an example: Abu Dzarr Al-Ghifari. He was a righteous companion and amongst the earliest to embrace Islam, yet when he requested the Prophet ﷺ to appoint him in a position of leadership, the Prophet ﷺ turned him down, honestly telling him,
“O Abu Dzarr, you are weak (i.e. incapable and it is a position of public trust. Verily, on the Day of Resurrection it will only result in regret, except for one who takes it by right and fulfills its duties.” (Muslim).
Yet at the same time, the Prophet ﷺ also said, “مَا أَقَلَّتِ الْغَبْرَاءُ وَلاَ أَظَلَّتِ الْخَضْرَاءُ مِنْ رَجُلٍ أَصْدَقَ لَهْجَةً مِنْ أَبِي ذَرٍّ” – “There is no one on earth, or under the sky, who is more truthful than Abu Dzarr.'" (Narrated by Ibn Majah and At-Tirmidzi).
5️⃣ Recognizing specific talents, strengths and weaknesses
These points also alludes to another depth of the superb leadership of the Prophet ﷺ: he knew his companions very well, and therefore recognized the specific talents and gifts that they possessed, and hence was capable to handpick them for specific roles for them to capitalize on those strengths to thrive.
How well do we know those within our teams/families/organization? How much effort do we put in to recognizing their talents and to provide a conducive environment to nurture their capabilities to become the best that they could be and fully actualize the potential within?
And Allah Knows Best.
#TheBarakahEffect
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