In the recent Leadership townhall, one of the striking highlights of the Leadership Team (LT) conversation was the President’s own personal experience among the LT. After emphasizing the need to care for the mental health of our team, someone in the leadership team – among the must “unexpected”, manlier ones – personally talked to the President and asked him,
“Tengku, are you okay? Was that a cry for help?”
And he remarked much it meant to him and how appreciative he was for the gesture.
It was striking to me that he shared to us that #bromance interaction. In our constant barking that our leaders “need to have more empathy”, we forget that they are human beings with emotions too.
Perhaps, our leaders themselves, they too, are struggling and stressed out to find the best way to navigate these tough and uncertain times, in addition to their already heavy responsibility of those under their care.
Perhaps, it is even MORE difficult on them, to be vulnerable and reach out to seek for help, as their credibility might be on the line?
How would you feel, when you are struggling and simultaneously receive endless barrage of insensitive criticism?
In the same way that we hate for gratitude to be weaponized against us when others yell “you should be grateful!”, in that same way too we shouldn’t just weaponize “they need to have empathy” and then we ourselves not practice empathy for them!
This isn’t only an entitlement mindset, but also borderline hypocrisy.
“Do you command righteousness of other people and yet you yourselves forget, while you recite the Scripture?
Do you not think?” (Al-Baqarah 2:44)
I can’t help but feel the same way about our leaders when people relentlessly chanting out #KerajaanGagal. It’s easy for us to point out someone’s flaws when we are not in their seats to endure the consequences of their actions (or inaction). It’s easy for us to spew out words of hate and justify it with self-righteous claims that we are criticizing “for the benefit of our children” / “our nation’s future”.
But what if people were to say those same hurtful personal attacks of hate to your own father? Your wife? Your daughter?
Well, who are our leaders, except that they are a father to someone. A husband to someone. A daughter to someone.
There is a huge difference between sincere naseehah and hate speech.
If we want to play our part in making the world a better, more caring and empathetic place, then our empathy has to be applied at all levels, including to those above us, while keeping a clean intention of Naseehah, without allowing it to cloud our objectivity and professional judgment.
One of the best examples of empathy towards their leader is that of the companions – the sahabah – with their leader, Prophet Muhammad ﷺ.
As they witness with their own eyes how their beloved leader is suffering, it trains them to be hopeful and resilient in facing the challenges in their own lives, when they see how their leader copes with his stressful life!
His life was filled with challenges after challenges. The impending threat of War from the Quraysh, Romans, and malicious surrounding tribes; the internal threat of hypocrites and treacherous Jewish tribes.
Even on a personal level, he constantly faced emotionally difficult times. All of his children – except for Fatimah – died in his lifetime, with all his sons dying in infancy or as little children. Can you imagine the sadness of burying your own child? Well, the Prophet did that with his own hands, many times throughout his adult life.
On top of that, living through periods of intense hunger, to the extent of tying stones to his blessed stomach ﷺ to hold off his hunger in spite of being their leader.
And these are only mentioning things on the surface. What makes the aspect of empathy so special about the Prophet ﷺ, is that Allah Himself – the Knower of the Unseen – Reveals the inner feelings and emotions of his beloved Prophet ﷺ.
When he was criticized by the Quraysh, Allah reveals these comforting words: “We know indeed the grief which their words cause you – it is not you they deny, but it is the verses of Allah that the Dzalimun deny” (Al-An’am 6:33)
He had so much compassion and eagerness for people to receive guidance of the truth, to be saved from the Hellfire, that this emotional pain would have caused him to die out of grief: “Perhaps you will destroy yourself out of grief following after them because they did not believe in this speech (i.e. this Qur’an)” (Al-Kahf 18:6)
He would describe that “if you know that which I know, you would be crying a lot and laugh very little." (Al-Bukhari)
YET, in spite of these intense feelings and the constant hardship, the companions would describe that they have never seen anyone smile more than the Prophet ﷺ! Whenever they would see him, he would smile at them: he ﷺ was a walking beacon of optimism to them!
“If this person, in spite of these difficulties, can remain calm AND continue inspiring and motivating others, who am I to complain?”
It was this recognition – empathy – of his life challenges that was a constant inspiration of loyalty among the companions.
It also brings us a profound lesson to us today: If even a Prophet of Allah could feel hurt by others’ words, and feel so disturbed at his concern for others, then how about us today? How about our leaders? Our bosses? Our Parents?
Aren’t they all in need of a bit of empathy, too?
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