Do we need to use child locks? Is there a better way?

 

About a year ago, our 4-year old Muawiyah learnt how to open the car door by himself. When the wifey, his mother, saw this, she was surprised.. 

“oh no! He knows how to open the door on his own!”

I said, “yeah, I taught him.”

I'll never forget the shock on her face: 

“YOU taught him how to open the car door? WHY?!”

Let me explain 🤓.. 

Before we had children of our own, I observed how some families struggle with keeping their children (I.e. Boys 😂) at bay. Some are so feisty that they will open the car doors midway and the parents have no choice but to use child locks. 

Fair enough… I can see the safety concerns and considerations behind it. 

But from an observer what that also does is that it subconsciously communicates to our children that “I can’t trust you with safety”. That “as long as you have this capability, you are a risk to yourself and your family”. 

So, I often wondered: what if there's a better, more respectful way? 

What if we TAUGHT our toddler children how to open doors by themselves? What if we could educate them about safety, make them understand the consequences of opening car doors on the move, and empower them to make the right choices, without having to resort to locking mechanisms that trap them inside - and subsequently, send a clear message that we trust them? 

My logic was, if we raise them with the habit of sitting in their car seats, then they can’t really reach out for the door handles anyway. So why don’t we take the proactive approach: WE be the people who teach and trust them, before they develop that curiosity and “test” for themselves? Especially in the presence of other cheeky kids?

Now that I had a boi of my own, I could put that hypothesis to the test, myself. I taught him in detail: how to unlock, lock the doors, open the door, close it by himself. 

But most importantly, it wasn't a free rein to unleash chaos. I gave him the Uncle Ben speech: “With great power, comes great responsibility”, customized for 3-year olds. 

I would talk to him, have a conversation like an adult, on why safety is important. How it can cause accidents, harm to others, to ourselves, and I outright told him about how there are lots of bad people out there, and if we don’t protect ourselves then they might hurt us. 

Conversations would play out something like this:

Muawiyah: “If Muawiyah open the door, Muawiyah can fall outside and die?”

Abah: “That’s right, Muawiyah, you might get hurt. Remember the last time you fell from your bicycle? Did that hurt? (Yupp..). Sakit kan? If car hit you is even more painful. You might break something, and might even die. ”

“And then the ambulance will come fast? And then Abah sad?” 

“Yes Abah will be very sad. Ibu and Abah will cry”

“Oh.” (pauses in deep thought. Then creates new stories) 

“And then Abah bring Muawiyah to Van Jenazah?” 

(Depending on his mood, either he will start going into contemplation, or he will start continuing his imagination story until somehow it evolves into being about a submarine that’s “fast like Sonic” that can fly)

The result? To date, for the past year or so, he NEVER opened the door during unsafe scenarios. 

In fact, for most times, in the first few weeks, he would remind ME to lock the doors - and if I didn’t, he would lock his own. Many times, he would remind me on safety:

“Abah, be careful at the bump okay?”

“Abah, you forgot your seatbelt!”

“Abah, don’t rush to the masjid okay?”

That's so awesome! I learnt also we should condition our response: If our child rushes to correct us, we need to embrace these opportunities to lead by example to model good akhlaq, and simultaneously encourage their air ma'ruf nahi munkar, and their sincere concerns for us. 

"Oh yeah! Thank you, Muawiyah!"

I believe Little gestures like these go a long way towards shaping their character. Masha Allah, it's nice to see how, when we educate them with care, they end up showing care for us too. 

Caveat: I did, however, make an observation. Maybe this approach might only work 100% if children are accustomed to the habit of sitting in car seats. Car seats provide elevation for them, which they can see the road and pretty much everything we adults see, too. And that makes a world of difference, to keep them engaged! I noticed, that the very few times that we didn't have a car seat and Muawiyah sat on the passenger seats, he gets very bored and restless. 

And once they start getting restless... heh.

Anyhow, that's our experience, which hopefully provides some useful insight for other parents. 

Would love to hear from other fellow parents: Do you struggle with keeping your kids in the car? Do you need to use the child locks? What did you need to resort to?