As my father was growing up, his grandmother used to teach him and the family to recite “Bismillah, Masha Allah” seven times every day.
However, in recent years, as he went to hadith class, he learnt that this practice was based on a baril (i.e. fabricated / false) hadith, and it had no authentic basis in the shari’ah.
His response?
“Well, that was what she knew at the time. In those days, knowledge was limited. Malays didn’t know Arabic. Most of us don’t even know what hadith is. Whatever books that we had, that was it. Buku Kuning (’the yellow book’) - that was everything to us.
Now, as we grow older, with more people studying abroad and with the accessibility of the internet, more authentic knowledge is made available… we learn, we improve lah.”
Masha Allah, what a wonderful mindset!
Instead of getting defensive about his Opah’s teachings, my dad had a perfectly objective explanation, whilst at the same time one that showed her love and respect, while focusing on improvement.
It’s a common challenge we all face, not only in religion, but also at the workplace: When we attain knowledge of something, we finally know what is the “right” thing to do (i.e. what the “standards”, regulations and guidelines say, what the Qur’an and authentic hadith instruct), or that we learn that certain practices that we have been doing might not be correct, when we try to convey that to others, we face a lot of backlash and pushback. Sometimes even hate.
The common perception is that when we try to share constructive feedback to correct certain practices, it is often seen as a form of disrespect.
“Are you saying that all this time, I am wrong? Are you saying your predecessors and forefathers are wrong? Who do you think you are?”
Naturally, when faced with this kind of defensive backlash, our knee-jerk reaction tendency is to fight back. Counter defensiveness with more defensiveness. Fight fire with fire.
… But when has that ever solved anything? We’re only perpetuating the cycle of hate and widening the gap, instead of getting them to listen and bridge our understanding to improve.
Learning from my father’s approach, I learn this important rule: If we want to bring about change, what we should try to convey are words that empathy and wisdom. Be firm, but kind. Above all, exercise patience.
Dear uncle, dear aunty, dear management team: We aren’t disrespecting the decisions that you made, neither are we saying that our predecessors are “wrong”.
Whatever our predecessors and forefathers knew, implemented, and taught back then - that was all the knowledge that was available to them. Perhaps, back then, back then, resources were limited. They did it to the best of their ability. And just like us today, they might also make mistakes in their day. And if they were sincere, they would want their successors - their future generations like you and I - to build upon the foundations that they have built and improve them further. Let’s honour their work by enhancing it.
It’s okay to be wrong. Just correct ourselves and move on.
Besides, eventually, I will also be a predecessor to the generations after me. I know for a fact that I make mistakes - and I don’t just want them to copy-paste my mistakes. Lessons never learnt?
At the workplace, this is the negotiation strategy we try to inculcate when we bring ideas that seem a little out of the box that might expose certain practices and get challenged. And from what I’ve observed so far, when we explain it in this way, people are very accepting and receptive.
And if they reject us?
Well, our job is only to convey. So let's convey it in the best way possible: with ihsan. Leave the rest to Allah.
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