Convincing this little man to take a bath isn’t easy 😅. It has been a daily challenge of negotiation, battle of wits through a lot of cheeky excuses as procrastination tactics (which admittedly, I used to do when I was small too!), and at times, requiring us to endure through some screaming, kicking, and everything in between.
But the minute you got him there to show up in the tub/shower/mini-pool (whatever we agreed to settled for in our win-win negotiation agreement) it’s an awesome feeling. Then we have fun.
And at this point, I say, “Alhamdulillah, this is nice”. Another achievement in my books.
This was a little positive mental health technique I learnt: appreciate and celebrate the little wins in our lives. Quoting Kurt Vonnegut: “I Urge you to please notice when you are happy, and exclaim or murmur or think at some point: “if this isn’t nice, I don’t know what is”.
But instead of using this phrase verbatim, what I do instead is to swap that phrase with “Alhamdulillah". The Prophet (ﷺ) said:
مَا أَنْعَمَ اللَّهُ عَلَى عَبْدٍ نِعْمَةً فَقَالَ الْحَمْدُ لِلَّهِ إِلَّا كَانَ الَّذِي أَعْطَاهُ أَفْضَلَ مِمَّا أَخَذَ
“Whenever Allah bestows a blessing upon a slave, and he says: 'Al-hamdu Lillah (all praise is to Allah),'
He gives what is better than what he received (the blessing)." (Ibnu Majah)
The key here is to lower the entry bar as low as possible: Build appreciation for the smallest things we encounter in our daily lives which we sometimes take for granted.
Make your bed? Alhamdulillah, that was awesome!
Had a good coffee this morning? Alhamdulillah that was lovely!
Woke up to the sound of your crying infant? Alhamdulillah, so blessed to have her around!
Had a productive meeting? Alhamdulillah that felt great!
The possibilities are endless.
If you are grateful for the small things, it is infinitely easier to be grateful for the big things.
But being grateful for positive things alone is only half of the equation, though. If we want to build a strong gratitude attitude in all aspects of life, we need to somehow hack our minds and convince ourselves to embrace the tough challenges, and we can do this by reframing challenges into achievements.
If we know we are to face challenges – no matter how big or small they are – instead of hating it, we should keep our eyes on the prize: look forward to the victorious feeling of accomplishment that you get when you’re done. That gratifying “Alhamdulillah” that waits for us on the other side.
When we do tough workouts, it’s not the tough painful exercises that excite us (looking at you, burpees and deadlifts). What excites us is that awesome feeling of achievement when we get at the end, when we are done. The sweat-drenched soreness that reminds us that we have defeated our previous limitations, destroyed our excuses, persevered through the pain, and have gone one step forward to becoming “a better me”.
In that same way, whenever I know I am about to go through the tough negotiation to convince Muawiyah to take a shower, instead of approaching it with a sense of dread or frustration, I remember the end result: look forward to that awesome sense of achievement when he's in the shower.
Sometimes, the only difference between a problem and an achievement is your perception.
It takes some training to get into the hang of it – but if you keep at it, you can turn unexpected "trials" into little wins. Trust in the process, insha Allah. The Prophet ﷺ said,
وَمَنْ يَتَصَبَّرْ يُصَبِّرْهُ اللَّهُ
"Whomever tries to be patient, Allah will make him patient" (Al-Bukhari)
What challenges can you reframe into mini-achievements?
#TheBarakahEffect #parenting #HowToDad
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