Out of all my job responsibilities as a manager, one stands out. A task that is so frustratingly difficult, un-sexy, yet totally necessary, which people rarely ever speak about. And ironically, a task that I’m finding myself having the responsibility to shoulder again, and again:
Conveying bad news.
Whether it’s informing someone of a career request that was rejected, conveying performance ratings that did not meet expectations, relaying “tough feedback” from a client or colleague, informing higher management of our failure to meet deadlines or comply with targets, or cascade a “center directive” that will make everyone’s life difficult… I continuously find myself in situations of conveying unpleasant, frustration-inducing announcements and feedback.
I can see why people would tend to deliberately shy away or back down this responsibility. We fear the potential backlash and anger they will lash out at us or blame us. Our minds believe in the concept of “don’t kill the messenger”, but our hearts always fear that people will anyway!
On a human level, we hate to be the one conveying something that will break people’s hearts. We hate being the centre of disappointment and we fear the risk of ruining our relationship.
It’s much easier to shutdown or cower in silence (and pretend you are ‘too busy’), claim ignorance, sugarcoat, add false hopes, or kill of the conversation by justifying with an ambiguous pseudo-excuse by blaming a non-specific third party (”it was ‘their’ decision / management direction)
But that would be dishonest. And, create many other worse problems down the road. And in the end, we end up having to clean the mess, or continue piling it up.
This is an often forgotten aspect of integrity: to be honest with ourselves and have the courage to own up to our responsibilities, especially if those responsibilities aren’t obvious or apparent to others.
Do you often find yourself in these situations?
Some tend to go for the impersonal "touch and go" approach: just forward the proverbial Memo, choose not to talk about it, and just let the issue die down. Or, convey through another third party and let that Messenger endure all the bullets.
But as for me, I like to convey it personally and have a conversation.
Learning from experience and reading, here are some mindsets I learned to develop that, insha Allah, can help us carry out this difficult task as the Bearer of Bad News:
1. Courage to Act - As mentioned in his excellent book “Good to Great”, author Jim Collins highlights that one of the important characteristics of Good-to-Great companies is that they instil the habit of confronting the brutal facts.
“Yes, leadership is about vision. But leadership is equally about creating a climate where the truth is heard and the brutal facts confronted, creating a culture wherein people had a tremendous opportunity to be heard and ultimately, for the truth to be heard.”
As leaders, we have the responsibility of walking the talk first. If we don’t have the courage to confront the brutal facts, how can we expect others to do the same?
2. “At least they hear it from me” - Clear is kind. Unclear is unkind. Don’t leave room for speculation (su’u dzon) or space for shaitan to whisper negative thoughts - or allow space for water cooler for gossip to flourish. Pull the trigger, and move on.
3. A chance to add the Human Touch - I like to flip the script and tell myself, that if I have to be the one conveying this nasty stuff, then at least I can do it with ihsan (striving for excellence). In the hands of others, if poorly done, could be a PR disaster; but with me, I have an opportunity to add a touch of empathy, with the most humane, kind approach I am able to.
4. An opportunity to enhance psychological safety - When I know I have to bear potential backlash or heartbreak, at least I can prepare myself mentally and emotionally if it does happen. And if I handle it well, the people around me can feel heard, and a chance to emphasize: I'm here for you.
Together, we can flip the script, nurture trust and build relationships from this difficult ordeal.
5. Improvement - when we add the human touch and psychological safety, we also subconsciously provide positive encouragement towards continuous improvement. What’s done is done. Let’s learn from it together, improve, seek solutions, and move on - and share with others so we can help them.
This is a powerful reminder of our role in inviting and calling people towards righteousness: we have to be balanced and holistic. As much as we shy away from conveying “the hard stuff”, at times, it is a necessary component that cannot be neglected in our message - just as "fear" is to "hope". After all, the role of Prophets and Messengers - act BOTH as a bearer of glad tidings and one who conveys warnings from the Almighty:
وَمَآ أَرْسَلْنَـٰكَ إِلَّا مُبَشِّرًۭا وَنَذِيرًۭا ٥٦
And We have sent you (O Muhammad ﷺ) only as a bearer of glad tidings and a warner.
قُلْ مَآ أَسْـَٔلُكُمْ عَلَيْهِ مِنْ أَجْرٍ إِلَّا مَن شَآءَ أَن يَتَّخِذَ إِلَىٰ رَبِّهِۦ سَبِيلًۭا ٥٧
Say, “I do not ask you for any reward for this ˹message˺, but whoever wishes, let them pursue the Way to their Lord.” (Surah Al-Furqan, 56-57)
May Allah grant us the strength to uphold our amanah (responsibility) as the bearer of bad news, to convey them with ihsan and empathy, and to provide psychological safety to build relationships for the greater good.
Do you often find yourself in situations to convey bad news? How did you act?
Share your tips and solutions!
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