⚽ Nurturing the "team player” competency in our children

 

During one of our recent Raya gatherings, a cousin of mine told me he was very keen to send his son to proper football training academy. 

The interesting thing here is his intention and goals behind it: To develop the “team player” skillset. He wants his son to learn what it is to depend on each other, to complement each others’ strengths, and compensate for each others’ weaknesses, what to do when you let the team down, how to uplift each other, and to develop the patience to put up with each other’s antics, and differences in personalities, opinions, and backgrounds. More importantly, learn, through action, what it’s like to work together towards a shared goal: That it's not just about personal glory or being the “star player”. 

In essence, they learn to develop sabr in dealing with each other. Which is particularly interesting when we look at it from the perspective of a statement of Prophet Muhammad ﷺ: “the believer who mixes with people and bears their annoyance with patience, is better and will have a greater reward than the believer who does not mix with people and does not put up with their annoyance.” (Narrated by Ibn Majah / At-Tirmidzi). The more they train, the more they develop their EQ to put up with each other. 

Why football? 

He said, most of the other common sports - bowling, tennis, squash, badminton, sprinting, archery, swimming, sprinting - are largely grounded in individual (solo) performance. While tournaments and competition do try to incorporate team-based concepts by grouping and teams, the individual nature still relies on our solo performance, and the moment-to-moment activity doesn’t directly inculcate this team spirit. Though doubles for tennis/badminton might have some degree of teamwork, it isn’t quite as full-on team experience as football, or other sports such as hockey or basketball. 

I thought that was a brilliant goal: Nurture the “teamplayer” competency in our children, through team-based sports! Sports provides a platform to achieve a common goal, and have fun in the process.

Growing up, I never saw it from this perspective. Probably because I was “kaki bangku” and consistently terrible at football while growing up and never really had that “feeling” of teamwork. Because i was so lousy that people don’t pass me the ball to give me a chance to improve. Fair enough 🤣.

After 15+ years of working in the professional environment and volunteering for various different organizations, I have come to realize more and more that this spirit of collaboration and being a great team player is such an important skill to have - especially at the workplace and in volunteering. It’s one of those capabilities that can make or break your career, and even an organizations. Yet unfortunately, it’s rarely ever emphasized or taught in our formal education, and as a result, is kind of random: it totally depends on everyone’s individual upbringing and/or personalities. 

There are many people who excel as “high flyer” individual performers, but are terrible when it comes to collaborating with others in a team environment. Sometimes, because they know they are skilled, they have an arrogance about them which makes them difficult to work with. And because they haven’t developed the emotional intelligence to put up with others’ flaws, some of them become temperamental, even toxic co-workers, and have a harmful effect on the team’s morale. Yes, they may be intelligent or brilliant at what they do, but when you factor in all the other intangible damage that they cause, the costs are greater than the benefits they bring individually.

On the other hand, great team players have a tendency of uplifting the morale of the people around them, including their bosses and subordinates. They have the potential to instill trust, loyalty, and bring about a passionate enthusiasm that makes people want to go above and beyond the call of duty. They make the individuals produce more than the sum of their parts. Who wouldn't love to have a great team player onboard?

Islamically speaking, at its core, it’s ultimately about heeding the call to “help one another towards righteousness and piety” as Allah commands us in Surah Al-Maidah, ayah #2. 

I believe all of us need to play our part to place more emphasis in nurturing and developing this skill amongst our teams and our families. 

What are your thoughts on collaboration? Any other suggestions how we can develop and nurture the team spirit? What sports or activities are suitable towards developing this “team player” spirit?

This is what "Courage to Act" looks like to me

To me, our organization's cultural belief that resonates with me most – the common undercurrent that drives all of the other cultural beliefs – is the Courage to Act.

Think about it: When you need to be Customer Focused, to have the patience to endure constructive feedback, and listen patiently tough demands: You need courage.

When you aspire to embrace Innovate Now – to push boundaries, learn from your mistakes, endure the criticisms, fight off the self-doubts, learn from our past attempts, and rise stronger than ever: You need courage.

When you aspire to Be Enterprising – to pursue opportunities and embrace new norms beyond your comfort zone: You need courage

When you need to Speak Up against a clear-cut non-compliance, when you feel your reputation or your goodwill is on the line: You need courage.

 

And finally, what about leadership? You will always be tested with moments that the organization needs the leader in you to step up.

Sometimes, you cannot escape from making difficult decisions, some of which will get you disliked and unpopular. Sometimes, others depend on you in moments you have no idea what you’re doing! Sometimes, inculcating psychological safety requires us to be vulnerable, endure difficult conversations, and regulate your emotions.

All of these require courage.

Is it easy? No! But it’s necessary. Is it scary? Absolutely – in fact, at times, it’s downright terrifying!

But as Nelson Mandela said,

“I learned that courage was not the absence of fear, but the triumph over it. 

The brave man is not he who does not feel afraid, but he who conquers that fear."

Mike Tyson’s Coach, Cus D’Amato had an interesting take on courage:

“What is the difference between a hero and a coward?

They both feel the same: Fear.

They both fear dying and getting hurt. The coward refuses to face up to what he's got to face.

The hero is more disciplined, and he fights those feelings off, and he does what he has to do.”

It’s in those moments of fear, our true character is tested: do we rise to the occasion and embrace the tough challenges, or do we cower away and give excuses?

As we embrace the uncertain future, the organization needs YOU and me – all of us – with the courage to step up. Let’s be the change that we want to see! 

Muawiyah's First Hospitalization Experience - 1st to 5th May 2023

 

وَإِذَا مَرِضْتُ فَهُوَ يَشْفِينِ ٨٠

"And when I am Ill, it is He (Allah - the Lord of the Worlds) who Cures me" (Surah Ash-Shu'ara, 26:80)

Alhamdulillah, discharged today - Muawiyah is back home with his beloved tois. Thank you uncles and aunties for your du'aa and well wishes, barakAllahu fikum ❤️🤲🏼. 

Muawiyah's first ever hospitalization experience came hot on the heels of our Raya holidays after returning to Miri. Since his ibu needed to care for baby adik Rumaysa at home, and we were in Miri by ourselves, I needed to take a few days off from work to accompany and care for him. 

 

Gotta admit, initially, the thought did cross my mind.. “sayang nya” have to take leave, 2+ days gone.. but then I remind myself: Well, what’s the point of 'work', and 'time off', anyway? It can't just be for vacations and holidays: Here’s your chance to step up, be present for your son and provide the quality time and affection in times he needs the most.

Alhamdulillah, as a father, I actually feel glad that he has gone through it, confronted his phobia of doctors and fear of hospitals, and that I was able to be there for him. 

Special thanks to Uncle Syahmi, Aunty Najla, Kakak Amrah & family for sharing those gifts, especially the awesome books (his favorite is “Meet Chase, the Police-Bot”) and the thoughtful greeting cards by Yaasir, and cousins Nuh and Ibrahim - Jazakumullahu khayran! 😊

May Allah continue to grant all of us Al-Afiyah in dunya and akhirah

When The Messenger of Allah was asked, what is the best du'aa, he replied, 

سَلِ اللَّهَ الْعَفْوَ وَالْعَافِيَةَ فِي الدُّنْيَا وَالْآخِرَةِ، فَإِذَا أُعْطِيتَ الْعَافِيَةَ فِي الدُّنْيَا وَالْآخِرَةِ فَقَدْ أَفْلَحْتَ‏.‏

"Ask Allah for forgiveness and well-being in this world and the Hereafter. 

When you are given well-being in this world and the Next, then you have achieved true success."

(Narrated by Adab Al-Mufrad of Al-Bukhari, #637)

IV insertion: Reflections

 

This was the first time Muawiyah had an IV insertion to his palm. Inserting the IV catheter is a very painful experience - even for us adults - the Paediatrician Doctor forewarned that children are expected to shout, cry, and fight back. 

Brace yourself 🙈

It went as expected - and I'm glad the doctor gave this heads up. By flushing it out early, at least we can set up our  expectations and be prepared. 

Oof.. It was difficult. Even looking at his response was painful. Throughout the entire time, I could see it in his eyes that he was crying for help, yet there was nothing I could do, except be present, hold his hand and say comforting words.  

Alhamdulillah, Muawiyah has been recovering well since then; but oh boy, was it a touching experience for a parent - One made even more profound as I am immediately reminded of the following verses in surah Al-Waqi'ah #83-85, where Allah describes the experience we go through when we witness other people people in their last moments on the deathbed: 

فَلَوْلاَ إِذَا بَلَغَتِ الْحُلْقُومَ - وَأَنتُمْ حِينَئِذٍ تَنظُرُونَ - وَنَحْنُ أَقْرَبُ إِلَيْهِ مِنكُمْ وَلَـكِن لاَّ تُبْصِرُونَ 

"Then - while you are seeing in the moment - why do you not (intervene) when (the dying soal) reaches the throat? 

But We are closer to him than you, but you do not see.."

We will all go through a similar experience. In the final moments of our life in this world, when the Angel of Death comes to greet us to take our souls. Perhaps we will be surrounded by the ones we love - those who would care for us, comfort us, yet they can't do anything to ease the experience: All they can do is look at us. 

For the righteous among us, Allah will send beautiful angels, will pleasant appearance and fragrances, comforting our souls to meet a Lord who is Pleased. 

As scary as it will be, it will be a journey of hope and optimism, accompanied by beautiful friends with beautiful words, with a firm promise, that the best is yet to come. 

These angels will be telling us "don't fear, don't be sad - receive the happy news of Paradise, that has been Promised. We were your friends in this world - though you do not see - and so would we be in the Hereafter, and there in Paradise you will have all you desire, as an entertainment from the All-Forgiving, All-Merciful (Surah Fussilat 41:30-32). 

But for the sinners and disbelievers, it will be a terrifying experience, made even more terrifying by the thought that the worse is yet to come.

May Allah grant us all a good ending (husnul khatimah)

🤒 When our children fall sick #ParentingThoughts

It’s a real test to the parents when our children fall ill - They might refuse anything we give them, maybe even totally reject any of our attempts to comfort them. In their emotional state of pain, they may even yell hurtful things at us, or even get physically violent. 

It’s not easy or a pleasant experience and in times like these, I always remind myself of the following: 

1. WE need to be the rock -  In moments of pain and suffering, human beings tend to be emotionally compromised & lose capacity of rational thought, especially children who haven’t fully developed their emotional intelligence.Therefore, whatever nasty things they say or respond to us, don’t take it personally. In siuations like this, as the parent, we need to hold ourselves steady as the emotional pillar for them to lean on, in order for us to be in the best position to help. As much as it seems they don’t want or need us, they don’t really mean it: this is when they are at their most vulnerable and it’s in these times they need us the most.

2. Be firm, gentle AND kind - Of course, times like this, many kids tend to refuse treatment or seeing medical professional; these are times when we need to put our “kesian” thoughts (i.e. feelings of pity) aside and make firm decisions on what’s best for them. And at all times, maintain the approach of kindness and gentleness. The Prophet ﷺ said,

 

يَا عَائِشَةُ إِنَّ اللَّهَ رَفِيقٌ يُحِبُّ الرِّفْقَ وَيُعْطِي عَلَى الرِّفْقِ مَا لاَ يُعْطِي عَلَى الْعُنْفِ وَمَا لاَ يُعْطِي عَلَى مَا سِوَاهُ ‏"‏ ‏.‏

'O A'isha, verily Allah is kind and He loves kindness and gives upon kindness which he does not give upon harshness, and does not give anything quite like He does as he does in gentleness” (Muslim)

3. Remember: Every second of your patience will be rewarded by Allah - Even though the physical pain might be felt by them, but as parents, we too also experience some degree of psychological and emotional pain and anxiety going through the ordeal. All of these will be rewarded by Allah. The Prophet ﷺ said,

مَا يُصِيبُ الْمُسْلِمَ مِنْ نَصَبٍ وَلاَ وَصَبٍ وَلاَ هَمٍّ وَلاَ حُزْنٍ وَلاَ أَذًى وَلاَ غَمٍّ حَتَّى الشَّوْكَةِ يُشَاكُهَا، إِلاَّ كَفَّرَ اللَّهُ بِهَا مِنْ خَطَايَاهُ ‏

“No fatigue, nor disease, nor sorrow, nor sadness, nor hurt, nor distress befalls a Muslim, even if it were the prick he receives from a thorn, except that Allah forgives some of his sins for that." (Al-Bukhari, Muslim)

4. Think long term: Lastly, I always remind myself to think of the big picture  - to Lead by Example. Perhaps, when they become parents, they will subconsciously apply the same humanity and compassion to their children too. And Allah will reward you for that legacy, too.

May Allah grant us the patience to care for our little ones with compassion and mercy.