Having Empathy and Concern Over Others’ Wellbeing

The unique characteristic of the Qur’an is that, because it is from Allah Who Knows what is in all our hearts, the Qur’an also describes the psychology and inner thoughts of the Prophet Muhammad ﷺ, a characteristic not available in other books or biographies and neither one that you won’t be able to observe even if you were a companion of the Prophet together with him. Here Allah describes the Prophet’s feelings over others when they turn away from his guidance, in surah Al-Kahf, verse 6 :

فَلَعَلَّكَ بَاخِعٌ نَّفْسَكَ عَلَىٰ آثَارِهِمْ إِن لَّمْ يُؤْمِنُوا بِهَٰذَا الْحَدِيثِ أَسَفًا

“Perhaps, you would kill yourself (O Muhammad ﷺ) in grief over their footsteps (when they turn away from you), because they do not have faith/belief in this narration (the Qur’an).”

This is also mirrored in surah ash-Shu’ara verse 3 and in surah Fatir verse 8 :

أَفَمَن زُيِّنَ لَهُ سُوءُ عَمَلِهِ فَرَآهُ حَسَنًا فَإِنَّ اللَّهَ يُضِلُّ مَن يَشَاءُ وَيَهْدِي مَن يَشَاءُ فَلَا تَذْهَبْ نَفْسُكَ عَلَيْهِمْ حَسَرَاتٍ إِنَّ اللَّهَ عَلِيمٌ بِمَا يَصْنَعُونَ

“Is he, the one who views his evil deeds and considers them to be good (equal to the one who is rightly guided)?

Verily, Allah sends astray whom He wills, and guides whom He wills. So do not destroy yourself in sorrow for them. Truly, Allah is the All-Knower of what they do”

Allah here is narrating to us the feelings of grief the Prophet felt when people do not have faith or perform righteousness.

This teaches us a very important sunnah as a believer, in having genuine concern over others’ wellbeing, especially with regards to their religion. Even though we will not bear the burdens and are not accountable over others’ sins and wrongdoings, we should have a genuine feeling of empathy over wanting them to be guided, wanting to save them from the Hellfire, wanting them to also be entitled for the Mercy of Allah with Paradise in the Hereafter.

Many of us today, we make some effort to give da’wah, deliver a message, share some knowledge, but when we a rejected, we give up and justify to ourselves, that “okay I’ve done my part”.

Imagine if you see person who is walking towards a pit of fire below; that person cannot see or perceive the fire, but you can see it. The believer should not only save himself, but to endeavour and try his level best to save that person; not just give up and let him walk into the fire after a few warnings.

This is essentially the way of life which drives the message of surah Al-‘Asr

“(I swear) By the Time. Verily, mankind is truly in a state of constant loss. Except : those who believe, and work righteousness, and continuously enjoin others towards truth, and enjoin others with patience and perserverence”

May Allah make us amongst those who develop concern and empathy over others to continuously enjoin others towards righteousness and good.

Reminder: recite surah Al-Kahf today.

من قرأ سورة الكهف يوم الجمعة أضاءله من النور ما بين الجمعتين

“Whomsoever recites surah Al-Kahf on the Day of Friday, will be given a light between the two Fridays (i.e. until the following Friday)”

(Narrated by Al-Hakim and Al-Bayhaqi. Graded “hasan” by ibn Hajar and “sahih” in Sahih Al-Jami’ Al-Albani)

A Little Inspiration Can Go A Long Way

Around the year 725 CE (100 After Hijrah), the great tabi’I scholar ash-Sha’bi walked by the local marketplace in Kufah, Iraq when he noticed a young merchant there in his early 20’s. Thinking this young man was one of the students of knowledge in his study circles, he asked this young man, “Whose classes are you attending?”

To which this young man replied “Nobody’s” – implying that he is a merchant and not a student of knowledge, as the Shaikh thought.

To this, Shaikh ash-Sha’bi responded, “But I see signs of intelligence in you – you should sit in the company of learned men (scholars)”.

Those words moved this young man’s heart, and made him have deep thoughts contemplating his future. Since then, he made the decision to completely undertake the pursuit of knowledge and eventually became one of the greatest scholars of Fiqh in Islamic history.

This young man was none other than Nu’man ibn Thabit – otherwise known as Imam Abu Hanifah: the scholar of whom the Hanafi Mazhab is attibuted to.

Those concise yet encouraging words of ash-Sha’bi had such a profound impact on this man that it triggered him to become the greatest in his field until this day.

In a more recent example, Shaikh Muhammad Al-Arifi, author of the book “Enjoy Your Life”, once gave a talk to a group of school children. He asked the children, did anyone know of a hadith (sayings of the Prophet Muhammad ﷺ) regarding the importance of the prayer. One of the children responded, by accurately quoting the hadith: “Between a man, and disbelief/polytheism is to abandon the prayer”.

Shaikh Al-Arifi was so impressed by his response and enthusiasm, that he instinctively gave his watch to the boy. The incident moved the boy so much that it encouraged him to study more eagerly and memorize the Qur’an as he had developed a feeling of self-worth.

Years passed by and Shaikh Al-Arifi went to a mosque, found out about a young man who was the imam of a mosque, a graduate in Shari’ah college and was working in one of the official courts. The Shaikh didn’t recognize him at first, but this young man then identified himself with the Shaikh on how the Shaikh had an impact on his life : this was the same boy who was gifted with his watch many years ago!

Notice now, that these weren’t  great lengthy speeches, sermons or a lectures – just small words and gestures of encouragement. In fact, even the smallest gestures of kindness can inspire others. The Prophet Muhammad ﷺ was a master at this – the way he treated his companions, young or  old, rich or poor, family or friend, from the slave to the noble – his choice of words would always have a positive impact and mark on others.

Which should really make us ponder, how much efforts have we done to inspire others?

As parents, husbands, wives, uncles, aunties, brothers, sisters, friends, teachers, classmates, or colleagues to others – we can all do that extra something to make a difference.

It doesn’t take a great deal of academic knowledge, just a sincere yearning and passion to encourage others around us.

The Prophet Muhammad ﷺ said:

“لاَ تَحْقِرَنَّ مِنَ الْمَعْرُوفِ شَيْئًا وَلَوْ أَنْ تَلْقَى أَخَاكَ بِوَجْهٍ طَلْقٍ”

“Do not belittle or consider insignificant any good deeds that you do, even if it is to meet your brother with a cheerful face”

(Narrated by Muslim)

Poor health amongst poor famillies

As we were doing our zakat rounds during Ramadhan last year, we noticed that many of the poverty-stricken families were inflicted with various diseases and health problems: Diabetes, High Blood pressure, stroke, gout, etc..
It was particularly surprising at first, considering that most people would consider these diseases to be common amongst the more affluent and wealthy parts of society that would afford more luxury.

As we did our rounds, though, I noticed a similar pattern amongst these families – and many of them are associated with poor bad lifestyle habits: and nothing have to do with the fact that they have shortage of wealth. These habits are
1) Lack of exercise, physical inactivity
2) Not drinking enough plain water
3) A psychologically unhealthy environment
4) Smoking

When these habits drag on for decades it’s no surprise why they would lead to such chronic health issues as they grow older. 

1) Lack of exercise.

A big number of the families live very inactive lifestyles, confined to their houses on entire weekdays and weekends.
Poor or affluent, this issue a serious concern, particularly amongst the Muslims today. I’m no exercise expert, so I’ll just say this: just do it and stick to it. Jog, cycle, take a walk, look up the thousands of simple cardio exercises on YouTube.. there are so many free options.

Enough excuses. Our bodies are a trust – an amanah – from Allah. If we don’t care of something we are entrusted with, that speaks something of our integrity. The Prophet Muhammad (ﷺ) said,
نِعْمَتَانِ مَغْبُونٌ فِيهِمَا كَثِيرٌ مِنَ النَّاسِ، الصِّحَّةُ وَالْفَرَاغُ ‏
“Two blessings which most of mankind are cheated (i.e. fail to capitalize or make full use of when they still have them) : good health and free time” (Narrated by Al-Bukhari)

Be proactive and maintain your health while you still have it. Don’t wait for the doctor to warn you of your cholestrol levels, BMI, or high blood pressure before you dust off those running shoes.

Go go go!

2) Not enough plain water
Another apparent common issue amongst our people is the habitual affinity towards sweet drinks : sirap, milo, teh tarik, ribena – but not water.

When I was a kid I used to wonder why my Chinese friends would carry these huge tumblers of plain water to school (as if our school bags weren’t heavy enough); it looked goofy and inconvenient, and what’s the big deal with water anyway?

Fast forward till today, after several gout attacks at a very young age (which is shocking news even to the doctor), attributed to the high uric acid in the blood and low water diet, it makes perfect sense now.
Again I’m no health expert but suffice to say, an important aspect of maintaining our good health is to drink lots of water every day. ~2 litres a day seems to be the prevalent recommendation.
So keep them flowin.

3) Psychologically unhealthy environment

Sress affects the body in many ways – modern health experts have linked stress with cause for diabetes, heart disease, anxiety/psychological disorders, and even cancer.
In fact it’s interesting to note, many even advise that a happy, positive and stress-free lifestyle can go so far as to cure cancer.

Many of the families we noticed seem to watch TV a lot. A lot. Now, think about what this does to you in the long run : you are aren’t that well off, you don’t go out of the home much, and here you have this machine consistently feeding you with constant advertising, dramas of attractive men and women, fictional stories of fantasy, depressing news (seriously – when is news actually ‘uplifting’, optimistic or motivating?), and ridiculous ‘reality shows’ – what do you think this will do to your overall psychology?

To top that off, many of them aren’t very motivated to alleviate their current conditions, seemingly ‘give up’ on changing their circumstances.
It was interesting to note that, perhaps due to the prevailing negative influences, rarely do we hear positive words being exchanged between their family members.

So make your home environment – in fact every environment that you’re in – a positive and happy one. We can blame the environment as much as we want, but we are part of the environment too – so what impact have we had upon it?

Another startling finding is also a serious lack of spirituality and religiousness amongst these poorer families. Some don’t even perform the obligatory 5-daily prayer (we didn’t speculate, they admitted to it). Some of them smoke during daytime in Ramadhan (fasting) month.

Poor spirituality will eventually effect our psychology. Without anything to look forward to in the Hereafter, this life will seem like a hopeless dead end.

Religion and faith should be a built-in internal mechanism to keep ourselves happy. For Muslims, keep ourselves motivated with our good deeds, and the Qur’an – knowing that we are working towards a beautiful destination – that we look forward to Meet our Lord, to reap the rewards He Promised, and to finally enter His beautiful Paradise.

4) Smoking

Of all the ikhtilaf (differences of opinion) in science, we can all safely say one thing – there is undoubted ijma’ (universal consensus) that smoking is absolutely harmful to our health, in many more ways that one.

So it actually pains us to see these families – who barely earn enough to pay rent or the electricity bill – still continue to waste their money on these health-wreckers… AND infect the little passive smokers living in their small homes, including the infants.

When one diabetic uncle - who recently had his leg amputated - was advised to quit smoking, he replied simply by saying “Smoking has been part of my lifestyle. I can’t stop!”. The year after, when we went to visit hiim again, he was not at home. He died.

Smoking is a serious concern, and the irony is despite national and international fatawa being issued on the fact that it is absolutely Haram (prohibited)- up till today, the big portion of smokers in this country are… well, it goes without saying.





Allahu a’lam… There are other issues, but these are the prevailing 4, that can really be remedied by discipline, and by simply changing our attitude, regardless of our income bracket, and applies to every single one of us.

Brothers and sisters, we need to be serious about taking care of our health. Our health, our bodies, are a trust by Allah. It is with this body that we worship Him and seek His Pleasure, and it is with this body we prove our amanah.

So let’s get out there, get some exercise, drink some water and be happy in this world and the Hereafter.

May Allah make us amongst those who take care of our health - physically, psychologically and spiritually. Ameen.

Dealing with your Spouse's Habits

I feel that a very important marriage tip – applicable for everyone already in the club, but especially for the newlyweds and the “soon-to-be-married”s – is the issue of dealing with your spouse’s “habits” or “traits”.
It’s not often people mention this, but it’s a life-saving tip that can really make a difference to make our marriages happier and more meaningful. Or at least save ourselves from a whole ton of drama.

Getting married will mean you will spend the most private hours of your lives together – and that usually means uncovering a skeleton or two on the true nature of your spouse’s “bad habits” or “bad character traits” – habits which you’d never would have known before tying the knot. 
And many a times, these ‘habits’ can be quite a shocker as you “never expected him/her to be like that”
Sometimes, these habits are just annoying, but sometimes they can lead to serious clashes and rifts between the spouse, as they learn to live and cope with the newfound misalignment.

So here are some quick tips which can help :

1. It’s starts with you. You’re not perfect either.
As much as you are discovering the other side of your spouse’s nature, so is your own true nature being unlocked - And you’re no angel, either. So use this as a means to take the firm resolve to change for the better, for the greater good. So don’t startup a shooting range, and if you get feedback, don’t get defensive, don’t get argumentative or antagonizing.

2. Invest in your relationship
The Prophet Muhammad (ﷺ) said,
“خَيْرُكُمْ خَيْرُكُمْ لأَهْلِهِ وَأَنَا خَيْرُكُمْ لأَهْلِي”
"The best of you is the one who is best to his family (especially to his wives), and I am the best of you to my family." (Sunan ibn Majah, graded hasan)

Make the conscious effort to be the best buddy to your spouse. As the saying goes, “you can only sell to friends” – and a “sincere well-wishing friend” is far more effective, trusted, and beloved than a “nagging spouse”.

Best buddies always accommodate each other, and their feedback will always be appreciated.
A nagging spouse… ehhh…


3. For Allah’s sake, don’t tell others*

Take those gossip temptations and chuck it out the window. Making fun of your spouse or exposing their personal faults is no joke. Likewise, concealing your spouse’s faults is a great deed.

The Prophet said,
"‏ كُلُّ أُمَّتِي مُعَافًى إِلاَّ الْمُجَاهِرِينَ
"All the sins of my followers will be forgiven except those of the Mujahirin (those who commit a sin openly or disclose their sins to the people).” (Narrated by Al-Bukhari)

"‏ لاَ يَسْتُرُ عَبْدٌ عَبْدًا فِي الدُّنْيَا إِلاَّ سَتَرَهُ اللَّهُ يَوْمَ الْقِيَامَةِ ‏"

“The servant (who conceals) the faults of others in this world, Allah would conceal his faults on the Day of Resurrection.” (Narrated by Muslim)

*exceptions may apply, e.g. getting sincere advice


4. Differentiate the habit type

Some habits are haram (e.g. cursing, smoking, revealing clothing, being ‘easy’ with others from opposite gender, pornography), but some are plain annoying or makruh (e.g. perpetually browsing through facebook, whatsapp or the all-important smart phone, not cleaning up the dishes after meals, spending hours on entertainment), and some might be undesirable/unlikeable personal traits which might lead to worse things – e.g. bad temper, procrastinating habit, impunctuality, insensitivity.

Prioritize which ones are the more serious areas of concern, and focus on those. Marriage is a long-term commitment : so work it out systematically, one step at a time, and don’t amp up the drama more than necessary.



5. Don’t be so drama: Be Patient…

They are called “habits”, after all. Change takes time, use wisdom and gentleness. Allah commanded Prophet Moses to speak to Fir’awn (Pharaoh) in a gentle and soft manner (Chapter Ta Ha 20: Verse 43-44).
So if the worst tyrant in the history of mankind should be advised with kindness and gentleness, how about your lifetime partner?
(FYI: no, your spouse is not worse than Fir’awn. Don’t be so drama.)

So speak to each other in the best of manners and with wisdom.

The Prophet ﷺ said

"‏ إِنَّ الرِّفْقَ لاَ يَكُونُ فِي شَىْءٍ إِلاَّ زَانَهُ وَلاَ يُنْزَعُ مِنْ شَىْءٍ إِلاَّ شَانَهُ ‏"

“Whenever gentleness is added to something, it beautifies it; and whenever it (gentleness) is removed from something, it makes it defective”


"‏ مَنْ يُحْرَمِ الرِّفْقَ يُحْرَمِ الْخَيْرَ ‏"‏
“He who is deprived of forebearance and gentleness is, in fact, deprived of all good” (Sahih Muslim)

"‏ إِنَّ اللَّهَ رَفِيقٌ يُحِبُّ الرِّفْقَ وَيُعْطِي عَلَيْهِ مَا لاَ يُعْطِي عَلَى الْعُنْفِ ‏"

“Allah is gentle, likes gentleness, and gives for gentleness what he does not give for harshness.” (Narrated by Abu Dawud, classified sahih by Al-Albani)


6. .. but at the same time, don’t be negligent

If your spouse (or yourself) has serious negative habits, then don’t shrug it off in the name of “keeping the relationship” – if a bad habit needs fixing, fix it. Sure, do it with wisdom, kindness, gentleness, take your time, etc – but fix it, and don’t get yourself “numb” to non-conformances.

Always remember that it is better to acknowledge our mistakes rather than find justifications to make it “okay”. At least acknowledgement will give us the drive to improve.
If you are articulate enough, you can justify anything - but it doesn't necessarily make it correct.


7. Develop together
Getting back to the first point: Work to fix YOUR own weaknesses and shortcomings first, and stay dedicated and focused towards it. It will induce – perhaps even inspire – your spouse to change for the better, and make him/her realize the need for change. And if it doesn’t – at least YOU are now a better husband/father/wife/mother – and if one major player in the management team improves, that’s already a great achievement.

Remember : “Allah will not change the state of a nation until they (first) change what is in themselves” (Chapter ar-Ra’d 13: verse 11) and, that "Whoever starts a good tradition which is followed, then for him is a reward, and the likes of their rewards of whoever follows him, there being nothing diminished from their rewards" (Narrated by At-Tirmidzi, graded sahih)


Marriage is a partnership, a tag-team, a management team that will be the centralized leadership when the little ones will come some day. It requires both parties have that same resolve to work towards righteousness. When Allah commands the nation as a whole to “وَتَعَاوَنُوا عَلَى الْبِرِّ وَالتَّقْوَىٰ ۖ”-  “Help each other towards righteousness” (Chapter Al-Maidah 5: verse 2), it starts with the building blocks of society : the parents.

And that is why, in the first place, as advised by the Prophet, the basis of our marriage compatibility, should be on the basis of our “deen” (our religion and way of life): our values – simply put, if we “answer to the same boss” or “are trying to Please the same One”, that will allow us to focus on the big picture solution and our place in this world.


Hope others will find this useful and spread the word.
May Allah make us amongst those who are best towards their spouse, amin..