Do we need to use child locks? Is there a better way?

 

About a year ago, our 4-year old Muawiyah learnt how to open the car door by himself. When the wifey, his mother, saw this, she was surprised.. 

“oh no! He knows how to open the door on his own!”

I said, “yeah, I taught him.”

I'll never forget the shock on her face: 

“YOU taught him how to open the car door? WHY?!”

Let me explain 🤓.. 

Before we had children of our own, I observed how some families struggle with keeping their children (I.e. Boys 😂) at bay. Some are so feisty that they will open the car doors midway and the parents have no choice but to use child locks. 

Fair enough… I can see the safety concerns and considerations behind it. 

But from an observer what that also does is that it subconsciously communicates to our children that “I can’t trust you with safety”. That “as long as you have this capability, you are a risk to yourself and your family”. 

So, I often wondered: what if there's a better, more respectful way? 

What if we TAUGHT our toddler children how to open doors by themselves? What if we could educate them about safety, make them understand the consequences of opening car doors on the move, and empower them to make the right choices, without having to resort to locking mechanisms that trap them inside - and subsequently, send a clear message that we trust them? 

My logic was, if we raise them with the habit of sitting in their car seats, then they can’t really reach out for the door handles anyway. So why don’t we take the proactive approach: WE be the people who teach and trust them, before they develop that curiosity and “test” for themselves? Especially in the presence of other cheeky kids?

Now that I had a boi of my own, I could put that hypothesis to the test, myself. I taught him in detail: how to unlock, lock the doors, open the door, close it by himself. 

But most importantly, it wasn't a free rein to unleash chaos. I gave him the Uncle Ben speech: “With great power, comes great responsibility”, customized for 3-year olds. 

I would talk to him, have a conversation like an adult, on why safety is important. How it can cause accidents, harm to others, to ourselves, and I outright told him about how there are lots of bad people out there, and if we don’t protect ourselves then they might hurt us. 

Conversations would play out something like this:

Muawiyah: “If Muawiyah open the door, Muawiyah can fall outside and die?”

Abah: “That’s right, Muawiyah, you might get hurt. Remember the last time you fell from your bicycle? Did that hurt? (Yupp..). Sakit kan? If car hit you is even more painful. You might break something, and might even die. ”

“And then the ambulance will come fast? And then Abah sad?” 

“Yes Abah will be very sad. Ibu and Abah will cry”

“Oh.” (pauses in deep thought. Then creates new stories) 

“And then Abah bring Muawiyah to Van Jenazah?” 

(Depending on his mood, either he will start going into contemplation, or he will start continuing his imagination story until somehow it evolves into being about a submarine that’s “fast like Sonic” that can fly)

The result? To date, for the past year or so, he NEVER opened the door during unsafe scenarios. 

In fact, for most times, in the first few weeks, he would remind ME to lock the doors - and if I didn’t, he would lock his own. Many times, he would remind me on safety:

“Abah, be careful at the bump okay?”

“Abah, you forgot your seatbelt!”

“Abah, don’t rush to the masjid okay?”

That's so awesome! I learnt also we should condition our response: If our child rushes to correct us, we need to embrace these opportunities to lead by example to model good akhlaq, and simultaneously encourage their air ma'ruf nahi munkar, and their sincere concerns for us. 

"Oh yeah! Thank you, Muawiyah!"

I believe Little gestures like these go a long way towards shaping their character. Masha Allah, it's nice to see how, when we educate them with care, they end up showing care for us too. 

Caveat: I did, however, make an observation. Maybe this approach might only work 100% if children are accustomed to the habit of sitting in car seats. Car seats provide elevation for them, which they can see the road and pretty much everything we adults see, too. And that makes a world of difference, to keep them engaged! I noticed, that the very few times that we didn't have a car seat and Muawiyah sat on the passenger seats, he gets very bored and restless. 

And once they start getting restless... heh.

Anyhow, that's our experience, which hopefully provides some useful insight for other parents. 

Would love to hear from other fellow parents: Do you struggle with keeping your kids in the car? Do you need to use the child locks? What did you need to resort to?

“Go ask your mum” – Dodgy parenting techniques

Any of you guilty of doing this? 

Child: “Abah, nak (insert unfavorable request here)?”

Dad: “Go ask Ibu”

It’s a sneaky little trick that many of us are guilty of. Resorting to this evasive “taichi” maneuver to when our children ask for something that we are reluctant to give: toys, ice cream, chocolate, smartphone, screen time, etcetera. (Dads do this a lot 😅) 

Why do we do this dodgy taichi stunt?

Parents typically resort to taichi to avoid the responsibility and consequences of making decisions, such as potentially face the wrath of our unhappy child when his request gets rejected. 

And see right there, that’s the fundamental problem: the intention is not in the child’s best interest, or to resolve the child’s problem. We do it to resolve OUR problem – of convenience. “Malas nak layan dia bising”. 

Crisis avoidance. But by doing so, we create more problems on the back end. 

When we deflect the decision-making responsibility to our spouse, who will probably say no, you are subconsciously planting a bias in your children’s minds. You see, the child might not recognize the dad (or the mum) is dodging responsibility; he simply thinks that the other parent IS the approving authority, and because of that, when that one parent keeps rejecting the requests, it subconsciously builds resentment against that parent who keeps rejecting. 

“Oh, mom is no fun”. “Abah is so restrictive”. 

And sometimes out of our guilt, in an attempt to “improve” the child’s opinion of us,  we overcompensate in ways which are unhealthy.

But it doesn’t stop there. Never underestimate your children’s intelligence. In fact, as parents we need to respect them for that, and incorporate that into our approach as part of our parenting wisdom. 

Haven’t you observed their persistence in learning how to walk? Sure, they fall down, they get annoyed, they will even burst out in frustration in a while – but they will keep trying. 

Children are smart and they will figure out loopholes. Even though they may be at an age where they can’t quite grasp the religious, moral, or health reasonings behind the prohibitions, they are intelligent enough to learn to overcome obstacles. Discover social “cheat codes” and hacks.. Bypass Red tapes to get what they want. 

Eventually, they start drawing patterns and figuring out which authority WILL easily grant his “unlikeable” requests instead – e.g. the grandparents, the other parent, or aunties. 

We indirectly train them to be lobbyists – politicking to get their way around. Not a good start.

The solution? Work as a team. 

As a family raising our children, especially as parents, we need to have a conscious, solid consistency in our approach working as a single unit. Whatever you decide that should be avoided or reduced, agree upon them and work together. 

If you are staying with your parents or extended families, have clearing conversations with them and get their cooperation and support to understand and empathize your conscious parenting choices, and why you decided them. Sure, they may disagree, but at least you understand and can take ownership of the risks and take the appropriate mitigation action. 

Finally: If the child comes up with an uneasy request, have the courage to own up to saying no. Teach your child the discipline to acknowledge non-negotiable boundaries, and to be firm and decisive upon what you have set. 

What are we teaching our children if we keep dodging responsibility? How will stick up to oppression and tyrants if we can’t even say “no” to our child? How will our children learn to stick up for themselves if their own parents don’t?

If you encounter genuinely difficult requests, just tell the child you need to discuss this further with mum; but as much as possible, try to make it an exception, not the rule, so you don’t indirectly teach your children to be indecisive all the time. Instead, what you want to teach them is that, firstly, you are deciding together as a team. 

Secondly, humility: as much as you are their parent, guardian, teacher and mentor, there are situations that you don’t have all the answers all the time. And there is no shame in that!

Abu Darda, the righteous companion of Prophet Muhammad ﷺ, he used to say, “to admit that that ‘I do not know’ is half of knowledge.” [Jaami’ Bayaanil ‘Ilm Wa Fadhlih, 1/54]

Got any experience with dodgy taichi maneuvers? How did you overcome them? 

p/s My sincere apologies to taichi enthusiasts out there; I mean this term figuratively as a symbolic gesture of “passing the watermelon”, you know? Seriously, I got nothing against the taichi physical activity. In fact, I think it’s pretty awesome, to be honest. Another topic for another day. 

#CoolnessOfOurEyes

#theBarakahEffect

Mercy For The Little Ones: How The Prophet Muhammad ﷺ Treated Children 🤗🥰👨‍👧‍👧

🤗🥰👨‍👧‍👧 MERCY FOR THE LITTLE ONES: How The Prophet Muhammad ﷺ Treated Children 🤗🥰👨‍👧‍👧

The Prophet ﷺ said:
لَيْسَ مِنَّا مَنْ لَمْ يَرْحَمْ صَغِيرَنَا وَيُوَقِّرْ كَبِيرَنَا
"He is not one of us: the one who does not have mercy towards our young ones,
and does not respect our elders"
(Narrated by At-Tirmidzi and Abu Daud, graded Sahih by Al-Albani)

Reading these Hadith describing how our Prophet ﷺ treated children, I was genuinely moved, inspired and at his conduct towards them. It's a tender fatherly side of him showcasing his amazing level of emotional intelligence (EQ) that, unfortunately, is rarely ever spoken about or distributed in mainstream media in our modern times.

Here are a short collection of ahadith beautifully describing them:

1. The manner which he greets his children: Whenever his daughter Fatimah visited and entered his presence, he would stand up for her, kiss her, take her by the hand to bring her to sit by him in his place. 

A'isyah narrated:
وَكَانَ النَّبِيُّ صلى الله عليه وسلم إِذَا رَآهَا قَدْ أَقْبَلَتْ رَحَّبَ بِهَا، ثُمَّ قَامَ إِلَيْهَا فَقَبَّلَهَا، ثُمَّ أَخَذَ بِيَدِهَا فَجَاءَ بِهَا حَتَّى يُجْلِسَهَا فِي مَكَانِهِ
When the Prophet ﷺ saw that Fatimah had come, he would greet her and then he stood up for her, kissed her, took her hand and brought her forward and made her sit in his place
(Narrated in Adab Al-Mufrad of Al-Bukhari, graded Sahih by Al-Albani)

2. He openly kissed his children in front of others - including rough bedouin men.

عَنْ أَبِي هُرَيْرَةَ، أَنَّ الأَقْرَعَ بْنَ حَابِسٍ، أَبْصَرَ النَّبِيَّ صلى الله عليه وسلم يُقَبِّلُ الْحَسَنَ فَقَالَ إِنَّ لِي عَشَرَةً مِنَ الْوَلَدِ مَا قَبَّلْتُ وَاحِدًا مِنْهُمْ فَقَالَ رَسُولُ اللَّهِ صلى الله عليه وسلم ‏ "‏ إِنَّهُ مَنْ لاَ يَرْحَمْ لاَ يُرْحَمْ ‏"‏
Abu Huraira reported that al-Aqra' b. Habis saw the Messenger of Allah (ﷺ) kissing (his grandchild) Hasan. He said:
I have ten children, but I have never kissed any one of them, whereupon Allah's Messenger (ﷺ) said:
"He who does not show mercy, no mercy would be shown to him."
(Al-Bukhari, Muslim)

3. In fact, the Prophet described a person who did not kiss his children as someone who has been deprived from Allah's mercy

عَنْ عَائِشَةَ، قَالَتْ قَدِمَ نَاسٌ مِنَ الأَعْرَابِ عَلَى رَسُولِ اللَّهِ صلى الله عليه وسلم فَقَالُوا أَتُقَبِّلُونَ صِبْيَانَكُمْ فَقَالُوا نَعَمْ ‏.‏ فَقَالُوا لَكِنَّا وَاللَّهِ مَا نُقَبِّلُ ‏.‏ فَقَالَ رَسُولُ اللَّهِ صلى الله عليه وسلم ‏"‏ وَأَمْلِكُ إِنْ كَانَ اللَّهُ نَزَعَ مِنْكُمُ الرَّحْمَةَ ‏"‏ ‏.‏ وَقَالَ ابْنُ نُمَيْرٍ ‏"‏ مِنْ قَلْبِكَ الرَّحْمَةَ ‏"
A'isha reported that a few desert Arabs came to Allah's Messenger (ﷺ) and said:
Do you kiss your children?
He said: Yes.
Thereupon they said: By Allah but we do not kiss our children.
Thereupon Allah's Messenger (ﷺ) said:
"Then what can I do if Allah has deprived you of Mercy?"
(Al-Bukhari, Muslim)

4. His boy-servant served him for 10 years since the toddler age of 4: yet despite always failing to fulfill his duties, never once was the boy ever rebuked, scolded, or reprimanded

عَنْ أَنَسٍ، قَالَ خَدَمْتُ النَّبِيَّ صلى الله عليه وسلم عَشْرَ سِنِينَ بِالْمَدِينَةِ وَأَنَا غُلاَمٌ لَيْسَ كُلُّ أَمْرِي كَمَا يَشْتَهِي صَاحِبِي أَنْ أَكُونَ عَلَيْهِ مَا قَالَ لِي فِيهَا أُفٍّ قَطُّ وَمَا قَالَ لِي لِمَ فَعَلْتَ هَذَا أَوْ أَلاَ فَعَلْتَ هَذَا
Anas ibn Malik narrated:
I served the Prophet (ﷺ) in Medina for ten years. I was a boy. Every work that I did was not according to the desire of my master, but he never said to me: "Fie" (an exclamation) , nor did he say to me: Why did you do this? or Why did you not do this?
(Narrated by Abu Daud, graded Sahih by Al-Albani)

5. He took opportunities to praise and elevate his children in front of others

عَنِ ابْنِ عَبَّاسٍ، قَالَ كَانَ رَسُولُ اللَّهِ صلى الله عليه وسلم حَامِلَ الْحَسَنِ بْنِ عَلِيٍّ عَلَى عَاتِقِهِ فَقَالَ رَجُلٌ نِعْمَ الْمَرْكَبُ رَكِبْتَ يَا غُلاَمُ ‏.‏ فَقَالَ النَّبِيُّ صلى الله عليه وسلم ‏ "‏ وَنِعْمَ الرَّاكِبُ هُوَ ‏"‏ ‏.‏ قَالَ هَذَا حَدِيثٌ حَسَنٌ غَرِيبٌ
The Messenger of Allah (ﷺ) was carrying Al-Hasan bin 'Ali upon his shoulder, so a man said:
"What an excellent mount you are riding, O child!" 

So the Prophet (ﷺ) said:
"And what an excellent rider he is!"
(Narrated by At-Tirmidzi, who graded it Hasan gharib)

6. He would entertain and play with his grandchild on the street, embracing and professing his love for them in public  - and even inspired others to love his grandson too!

عَنْ أَبِي هُرَيْرَةَ ـ رضى الله عنه ـ قَالَ كُنْتُ مَعَ رَسُولِ اللَّهِ صلى الله عليه وسلم فِي سُوقٍ مِنْ أَسْوَاقِ الْمَدِينَةِ فَانْصَرَفَ فَانْصَرَفْتُ فَقَالَ ‏"‏ أَيْنَ لُكَعُ ـ ثَلاَثًا ـ ادْعُ الْحَسَنَ بْنَ عَلِيٍّ ‏"‏‏.‏ فَقَامَ الْحَسَنُ بْنُ عَلِيٍّ يَمْشِي وَفِي عُنُقِهِ السِّخَابُ، فَقَالَ النَّبِيُّ صلى الله عليه وسلم بِيَدِهِ هَكَذَا، فَقَالَ الْحَسَنُ بِيَدِهِ، هَكَذَا فَالْتَزَمَهُ
Narrated Abu Hurairah: I was with Allah's Messenger (ﷺ) in one of the Markets of Medina. He left (the market) and so did I. Then he asked thrice, "Where is the little one?"
Then he said, "Call Al-Hasan bin `Ali."
So Al-Hasan bin `Ali got up and started walking with a necklace (of beads) around his neck.
The Prophet (ﷺ) stretched his hand out like this, and Al-Hasan did the same. The Prophet (ﷺ) embraced him and then said,

فَقَالَ ‏"‏ اللَّهُمَّ إِنِّي أُحِبُّهُ، فَأَحِبَّهُ، وَأَحِبَّ مَنْ يُحِبُّهُ ‏"‏‏.‏ قَالَ أَبُو هُرَيْرَةَ فَمَا كَانَ أَحَدٌ أَحَبَّ إِلَىَّ مِنَ الْحَسَنِ بْنِ عَلِيٍّ بَعْدَ مَا قَالَ رَسُولُ اللَّهِ صلى الله عليه وسلم مَا قَالَ
"Oh Allah! l love him, so please love him and love those who love him."
Since Allah's Messenger (ﷺ) said that, nothing has been more beloved to me (Abu Hurairah) than Al-Hasan.
(Narrated by Al-Bukhari)

عَنْ يَعْلَى بْنِ مُرَّةَ أَنَّهُ قَالَ‏:‏ خَرَجْنَا مَعَ النَّبِيِّ صلى الله عليه وسلم، وَدُعِينَا إِلَى طَعَامٍ فَإِذَا حُسَيْنٌ يَلْعَبُ فِي الطَّرِيقِ، فَأَسْرَعَ النَّبِيُّ صلى الله عليه وسلم أَمَامَ الْقَوْمِ، ثُمَّ بَسَطَ يَدَيْهِ، فَجَعَلَ يَمُرُّ مَرَّةً هَا هُنَا وَمَرَّةً هَا هُنَا، يُضَاحِكُهُ حَتَّى أَخَذَهُ، فَجَعَلَ إِحْدَى يَدَيْهِ فِي ذَقْنِهِ وَالأُخْرَى فِي رَأْسِهِ، ثُمَّ اعْتَنَقَهُ فَقَبَّلَهُ، ثُمَّ قَالَ النَّبِيُّ صلى الله عليه وسلم‏:‏ حُسَيْنٌ مِنِّي وَأَنَا مِنْهُ،, أَحَبَّ اللَّهُ مَنْ أَحَبَّ الْحَسَنَ وَالْحُسَيْنَ، سَبِطَانِ مِنَ الأَسْبَاطِ‏
Ya'la ibn Murra said, "We went out with the Prophet ﷺ, and we were invited to eat. Husayn was playing in the road and the Prophet, may Allah bless him and grant him peace, raced the people and then spread out his arms.
The boy began to run this way and that and the Prophet made him laugh until he caught hold of him. He put one of his hands under his chin and the other on his head and then embraced him. 

Then the Prophet ﷺ said,
"Husayn is from me and I am from Husayn. May Allah Love anyone who loves al-Hasan and al-Husayn. They are two of my distinguished descendants.'"
(Narrated by Ibnu Majah and Al-Bukhari in Adab al-Mufrad, graded Hasan by Al-Albani)

It is interesting to note here that these two narrations involve two different companions on two separate occasions, and two different grandsons of the Prophet (the first Hasan, and the second Husayn) - implying that this playful loving attitude is a habitual practice of the Prophet.

7. He would jokingly blow out water at a child's face

عَنْ مَحْمُودِ بْنِ الرَّبِيعِ، قَالَ عَقَلْتُ مِنَ النَّبِيِّ صلى الله عليه وسلم مَجَّةً مَجَّهَا فِي وَجْهِي وَأَنَا ابْنُ خَمْسِ سِنِينَ مِنْ دَلْوٍ
Narrated Mahmud bin Rabi`a: When I was a boy of five years of age, I remember, the Prophet (ﷺ) took water from a bucket (used for getting water out of a well) with his mouth and blew it towards my face.
(Narrated by Al-Bukhari)

8. While delivering his khutbah (sermon), he got so distracted by the sight of his playful grandchildren, he went down, picked them up and placed him on his lap

عَنِ ابْنِ بُرَيْدَةَ، عَنْ أَبِيهِ، قَالَ بَيْنَا رَسُولُ اللَّهِ صلى الله عليه وسلم عَلَى الْمِنْبَرِ يَخْطُبُ إِذْ أَقْبَلَ الْحَسَنُ وَالْحُسَيْنُ عَلَيْهِمَا السَّلاَمُ عَلَيْهِمَا قَمِيصَانِ أَحْمَرَانِ يَمْشِيَانِ وَيَعْثُرَانِ فَنَزَلَ وَحَمَلَهُمَا فَقَالَ ‏"‏ صَدَقَ اللَّهُ ‏{‏ إِنَّمَا أَمْوَالُكُمْ وَأَوْلاَدُكُمْ فِتْنَةٌ ‏}‏ رَأَيْتُ هَذَيْنِ يَمْشِيَانِ وَيَعْثُرَانِ فِي قَمِيصَيْهِمَا فَلَمْ أَصْبِرْ حَتَّى نَزَلْتُ فَحَمَلْتُهُمَا ‏"‏ ‏.‏
I saw the Messenger of Allah (ﷺ) delivering a sermon, and (his grandchildren) Hasan and Husain came forward, wearing red shirts, stumbling and getting up again. The Prophet (ﷺ) stepped down, picked them up and put them in his lap. Then he said: 

“Allah and His Messenger have spoken the truth. ‘Your wealth and your children are only a trial.’ [64:15] 

I saw these two and I could not be patient." Then he resumed his sermon.”
(Narrated by Ibnu Majah, an-Nasa'ee, Abu Daud. Graded Sahih by Al-Albani)

9. He prolonged his sujud (prostration) in prayer: to allow his grandson to continue playing riding his back

عَنْ عَبْدِ اللَّهِ بْنِ شَدَّادٍ، عَنْ أَبِيهِ، قَالَ خَرَجَ عَلَيْنَا رَسُولُ اللَّهِ صلى الله عليه وسلم فِي إِحْدَى صَلاَتَىِ الْعِشَاءِ وَهُوَ حَامِلٌ حَسَنًا أَوْ حُسَيْنًا فَتَقَدَّمَ رَسُولُ اللَّهِ صلى الله عليه وسلم فَوَضَعَهُ
ثُمَّ كَبَّرَ لِلصَّلاَةِ فَصَلَّى فَسَجَدَ بَيْنَ ظَهْرَانَىْ صَلاَتِهِ سَجْدَةً أَطَالَهَا ‏.‏ قَالَ أَبِي فَرَفَعْتُ رَأْسِي وَإِذَا الصَّبِيُّ عَلَى ظَهْرِ رَسُولِ اللَّهِ صلى الله عليه وسلم وَهُوَ سَاجِدٌ فَرَجَعْتُ إِلَى سُجُودِي فَلَمَّا قَضَى رَسُولُ اللَّهِ صلى الله عليه وسلم الصَّلاَةَ قَالَ النَّاسُ يَا رَسُولَ اللَّهِ إِنَّكَ سَجَدْتَ بَيْنَ ظَهْرَانَىْ صَلاَتِكَ سَجْدَةً أَطَلْتَهَا حَتَّى ظَنَنَّا أَنَّهُ قَدْ حَدَثَ أَمْرٌ أَوْ أَنَّهُ يُوحَى إِلَيْكَ ‏.‏ قَالَ ‏ "‏ كُلُّ ذَلِكَ لَمْ يَكُنْ وَلَكِنَّ ابْنِي ارْتَحَلَنِي فَكَرِهْتُ أَنْ أُعَجِّلَهُ حَتَّى يَقْضِيَ حَاجَتَهُ ‏"‏ ‏
It was narrated from 'Abdullah bin Shaddad, this his father said:
"The Messenger of Allah (ﷺ) came out to us for one of the nighttime (isha) prayers, and he was carrying Hasan or Husain. The Messenger of Allah (ﷺ) came forward and put him down, then he said the Takbir and started to pray. He prostrated during his prayer, and made the prostration lengthy." My father said: "I raised my head and saw the child on the back of the Messenger of Allah (ﷺ) while he was prostrating so I went back to my prostration. 

When the Messenger of Allah (ﷺ) finished praying, the people said: "O Messenger of Allah (ﷺ), you prostrated during the prayer for so long that we thought that something had happened or that you were receiving a revelation.'
He said: 'No such thing happened. But my (grand) son was riding on my back and I did not like to disturb him until he had enough.'"
(Narrated by an-Nasa'ee)

10. He would give greetings towards children whilst they were playing

قَالَ أَنَسٌ أَتَى رَسُولُ اللَّهِ صلى الله عليه وسلم عَلَى غِلْمَانٍ يَلْعَبُونَ فَسَلَّمَ عَلَيْهِمْ
Narrated Anas ibn Malik: The Messenger of Allah (ﷺ) came to some children who were playing: He saluted them with salams
(Narrated by Abu Daud)

Imagine the context of a world leader of a nation today: you wouldn't expect the person to greet any random stranger, let alone random children playing on the street.. Perhaps the vast majority of us today would dismiss them as "oh, they are just kids. Ignore them".
But not this great man ﷺ.

11. Other children would be riding together with him on his riding animal, and he would treat them with respect and educate them with important advice, even when it comes to "heavy topics" such as creed, monotheism (Tauhid) and predestination (qadr)

عَنِ ابْنِ عَبَّاسٍ، قَالَ كُنْتُ خَلْفَ رَسُولِ اللَّهِ صلى الله عليه وسلم يَوْمًا فَقَالَ ‏
Ibn 'Abbas narrated:
"I was riding behind the Prophet ﷺ one day when he said:

"‏ يَا غُلاَمُ إِنِّي أُعَلِّمُكَ كَلِمَاتٍ احْفَظِ اللَّهَ يَحْفَظْكَ احْفَظِ اللَّهَ تَجِدْهُ تُجَاهَكَ إِذَا سَأَلْتَ فَاسْأَلِ اللَّهَ وَإِذَا اسْتَعَنْتَ فَاسْتَعِنْ بِاللَّهِ..."
"Oh, young boy! I will teach you a statement:
Be mindful of Allah and He will protect you. Be mindful of Allah and you will find Him before you. When you ask, ask Allah, and when you seek aid, seek Allah's aid."
(Portion of Hadith narrated by At-Tirmidhi who graded it Hasan Sahih)

It is also worth noting that as the leader of his nation, he could afford his own mount, a carriage or even a "driver" - yet in this case he himself was the driver and his passenger was ibn Abbas, who was only 13 years old by the time the Prophet had passed away.

12. He would hasten the prayer when he heard a child crying, out of fear it would make the child's parent feel anxious

إِنِّي لأَقُومُ فِي الصَّلاَةِ أُرِيدُ أَنْ أُطَوِّلَ فِيهَا، فَأَسْمَعُ بُكَاءَ الصَّبِيِّ، فَأَتَجَوَّزُ فِي صَلاَتِي كَرَاهِيَةَ أَنْ أَشُقَّ عَلَى أُمِّهِ
"When I stood for prayer, I (initially) intended to prolong it, but on hearing the cries of a child, I cut it short, as I dislike to trouble the child's mother."
(Narrated by Al-Bukhari and Muslim)

Notice here that the Prophet never considered a crying baby to be a "nuisance" - he in fact willingly adjusted his prayer in empathetic consideration of the mother. Observe here also, his priority was a personalized empathethic consideration towards the mother of child.
He did NOT say that he disliked to trouble the "jemaah" (congregation) as a whole implying that the crying baby was "disturbing others".

This is a complete opposite of the grumpy uncles that we encounter at the masjid today, who become enraged when they hear children's voices - often times to the extent that the parent becomes discouraged from attending the prayer altogether out of feelings of inferiority that he is inflicting inconvenience towards others. In one of our local masjid here in Miri, the Imam is famously known to get so annoyed when he hears children's voices during prayer, that after the prayer he will outwardly scold the congregation (using the mic), imposing that what these "ignorant parents" are doing, bringing the children and disturbing the Jamaah is "Haram". 

Dear Uncle tuan Haji Imam, may Allah have mercy on you, I understand that you are annoyed, but with all due respect, your behavior is not in line with the sunnah of the Prophet. Be patient with them and their parents who show up to the masjid, and actually make an effort to take their little ones. Give them some time, be patient and have mercy on them.

🤔 Contemplation

While reading these ahadith, it is interesting to also bear in mind the context of who the  Prophet ﷺ was, as a person. 

Firstly, he was the leader of an entire nation - in addition to being their mufti, Imam, the head of a large family - plus he himself led and participated in all the major battles (maghazi) during his lifetime. No other person in the world today bore even half of those responsibilities. 

If he chose to ignore children on the pretext of being "too busy", he would be very well justified. But no, he took his time to treat them with such mercy. 

Which is a stark contrast to many of us today who claim to be "too busy", "too stressed", or had too much of a "bad day at work" to be kind to others, especially towards children. More often than not, we hear the dismissive "oh they're just kids. They'll understand sooner of later".

Secondly is his age. Since these actions were mainly recorded during his time in Madinah, the Prophet was between 53-63 years of age - so imagine the age of roughly a retiree uncle: The Prophet behaved in this manner not as a "young" man, so to speak.

When we examine these few narrations in totality, it is clear that the Prophet Muhammad would treat children with a deliberate approach of compassion, gentleness and respect. He (ﷺ) said:

الرَّاحِمُونَ يَرْحَمُهُمُ الرَّحْمَنُ ارْحَمُوا أَهْلَ الأَرْضِ يَرْحَمْكُمْ مَنْ فِي السَّمَاءِ
"Those who are Merciful and Compassionate: Ar-Rahman (The Most Compassionate One) will have mercy on them.
Show mercy to the inhabitants of the earth, He Who is in the heaven will show mercy to you."
(Narrated by Abu Daud, graded Sahih by Al-Albani)

It is through this kindness and compassion that we establish a trusting relationship to shape and nurture positive values into them as they grow.

Consider this perspective: In a very famous Hadith narrated in the Sahihayn of Imam Al-Bukhari and Muslim, a prostitute from the Children of Israel was granted Paradise, purely because of her kind treatment to provide water to a dog dying with thirst. If this was the reward of treating animals with mercy, imagine the reward of treating other human beings: who will one day grow up to be you and I, or perhaps visionaries who will change the world some day.

This display of the Prophet Prophet ﷺ also repeatedly showcased his emphasis on gentleness. He said:

إِنَّ اللَّهَ رَفِيقٌ يُحِبُّ الرِّفْقَ وَيُعْطِي عَلَيْهِ مَا لاَ يُعْطِي عَلَى الْعُنْفِ
"Allah is gentle, He Loves gentleness,
and Gives for gentleness what he does not give for harshness."
(Narrated by Ibnu Majah and Abu Daud, graded Sahih by Al-Albani)

مَنْ أُعْطِيَ حَظَّهُ مِنَ الرِّفْقِ فَقَدْ أُعْطِيَ حَظَّهُ مِنَ الْخَيْرِ وَمَنْ حُرِمَ حَظَّهُ مِنَ الرِّفْقِ فَقَدْ حُرِمَ حَظَّهُ مِنَ الْخَيْرِ
"Whoever was given his share of gentleness, then he has been given a share of good. And whoever has been prevented from his share of gentleness, then he has been prevented from his share of good."
(Narrated by At-Tirmidhi)

In another Hadith, the Prophet ﷺ said to his wife A'isyah,

يَا عَائِشَةُ ارْفُقِي فَإِنَّ الرِّفْقَ لَمْ يَكُنْ فِي شَىْءٍ قَطُّ إِلاَّ زَانَهُ وَلاَ نُزِعَ مِنْ شَىْءٍ قَطُّ إِلاَّ شَانَهُ
"O A'isyah.. Be gentle!
For if gentleness is found in anything, it beautifies it,
and when it is removed from anything it makes it deficient."
(Narrated by Abu Daud, graded Sahih by Al-Albani)

This wonderful demeanor of the Prophet would indeed fit the testimony of Allah regarding his conduct towards others, which is a major factor why his companions had strong attachment to him.. And all of that is a form of Mercy from Allah:

فَبِمَا رَحْمَةٍ مِّنَ اللَّهِ لِنتَ لَهُمْ وَلَوْ كُنتَ فَظًّا غَلِيظَ الْقَلْبِ لَانفَضُّوا مِنْ حَوْلِكَ
"And by the Mercy of Allah, you dealt with them gently. And had you been severe and harsh-hearted, they would have broken away from about you.."
(Surah Aal-e-Imran, 159)

Having said that, it's very important to highlight that kindness does not mean "weakness". When it comes to serious matters or those which there is no compromise, then there is a time and place to be firm and strict - for example, when it came to commanding and instilling the habit of the 5-daily solat (prayers).

Unfortunately when it comes to highlighting "the sunnah" people have a tendency to only emphasize the "strict" portion, while neglecting these overwhelming evidences of compassion and kindness in the Prophet's day to day conduct towards them.  This is an injustice to the magnanimous character that was Prophet Muhammad ﷺ, and perhaps also reflects a deficiency in the way we raise our youth today, devoid of his Prophetic guidance in our day to day conduct in parenting and coaching.

In fact, I can flip the argument around: it actually takes a great deal of strength to be kind and gentle towards others. When kids get your nerves (and boy, do they!), it's easy to just act on impulse, give into our feelings of discomfort and lash out at them. They can't retaliate anyway. Problem solved. Khalas, right?

But consider the alternative: what if we compose ourselves in spite of the annoyance and anger, choose to restrain ourselves and in take the high road of kindness towards them. With the "long term" intent of nurturing and educating them. 

Now that's strength! 💪🏼

May Allah grant us the strength to follow in the footsteps of our Prophet and to raise our youth with compassion, gentleness, kindness, firmness and respect.