Request Nicely, Don't Snatch

(old draft writeup in 2020 - reposted in 2024)

“Muawiyah, can you give Abah those Car Keys?”
“Thank you, Little Man!”

Extending the topic of “respect”, this is a little parenting tip which I’ve never heard or read anywhere else, so I thought I’d put it out there. When your little one starts grabbing or picking up things they are not supposed to (e.g. mobile phone, glass, spoonful of food, or in this case, car keys), don’t panic, don’t snatch, don’t scold, just keep composed ask them nicely to return it to us.

As parents we tend resort to the knee-jerk reaction of grabbing/snatching back the item from the baby, out of fear of danger or damage. But after giving it a lot of thought, I felt that if we do this repeatedly all the time, it starts subconsciously planting the idea that the child is prevented from feeding his/her curiosity and learning, perhaps even inadvertently grow up with the thoughts that their parents do not trust them to handle things with care, therefore damaging their self-esteem and sense of worth in the long run.

Rather, what we trained ourselves to do instead is to ask him back for it nicely. A typical script would be “Muawiyah, can you give that to Abah, please?” 

And once he gives it, we say a generous and cheerful “Thank you – you’re such a good boy!”.

Interestingly, in hindsight now that he is 2, we found that throughout his infant age we applied this practice, 95% of the time he gives it away without protest or second thoughts. The other 5% usually applies to things he has a serious curiosity or playful attachment to (which, most of the time, are harmless items such as his own toys).

This approach was a particularly “Eureka!” discovery for us, because aside from the momentary public interactions we have with other fellow parents, we have never really this method put into practice to infants this age. When Muawiyah could start physically gripping things about the age of 4 months old and when I first thought of this idea back then, I had no idea how effective it would be and how far it would work, given the baby’s underdeveloped communication skills at this age. I wondered, even if it did work, would it be a fluke? So we tried to practice this on a consistent basis.

Now, this takes a lot of repeated training and patience – sometimes it’s easier to snatch it away and remove the hazard altogether, immediately and just save ourselves the potential heart attack. And indeed, in the beginning it was met with mixed results, prompting us to think that perhaps it “might not work”. But here is where I need to remind myself: don't chicken out. Let’s double down on this and be patient. Parenting is about the “Long Game” here. Not quick wins and easy solutions.

Always consider restraining ourselves and taking the short term risk: sure, there may be times when some items might be damaged, but there is greater benefit in shaping their personality by reinforcing their self-esteem and showing, by our actions, our trust in them to do the right thing.

Are there exceptions to the rule? Definitely! Indeed, in situations where it involves clear imminent harm or serious hygiene issues, then a hard “no” is unavoidable: you can’t just sit and watch if the child starts swinging a knife. In public places or other people's homes, a potential broken glass would definitely prompt more seriousness! So this is where another consideration is to be very mindful not to allow dangerous/harmful objects to be within reach of the infant in the first place, so you don’t end up having exposed yourself to the dilemma. As a default, let the ‘snatching intervention’ be the exception, not the rule, and make a clear distinction in our reaction with the intention of educating them where you “draw the line” on what is non-negotiable or unacceptable. At the age of 1+ year, they won’t be able to discern right and wrong, or even “why” should one do the right thing in the first place. Rather, what they can pick up is our emotions and our reactions towards them.

Speaking of emotions, the cheerful “Thank you” at the end is one of the key components of this approach to “seal the deal”, as a means of positive reinforcement, PLUS also to inculcate the spirit of sharing and giving to others. One particularly interesting observation of our Muawiyah was that even at the young age of 6 months, saying “Thank you” will induce a big smile on his face (unfortunately, the smile reaction gradually went away as he grew up). This eventually developed into the habit of wanting to feed and share with us his food, which we entertain too.

Allahumma barik.

#frominfanttolittleman  #raisingMuawiyah
#parentingreflections #sunnah #respect

bgfc

Professionalism: Matt Damon's mindset and attitude when working in “bad movies” or roles that might suck

 

Oscar Nominee Matt Damon has starred in lots of excellent movie projects - Good Will Hunting, Saving Private Ryan, the Bourne franchise, the Martian, to name a few. 

He’s also starred in some pretty bad ones. 

What’s interesting is to learn his perspective about how he thought about starring in movies that he knows are going to be terrible. He once described a time he “fell into a depression” while filming a particularly regrettable movie project.

“Without naming any particular movies... sometimes you find yourself in a movie that you know, perhaps, might not be what you had hoped it would be, and you’re still making it,” he said.

“And I remember halfway through production and you’ve still got months to go, you’ve taken your family somewhere, you know, and you’ve inconvenienced them, and I remember falling into a depression and questioned: What have I done?” 

My wife pulled me up, she just said, ‘We’re here now’,” 

It was then, it reminded him: 

“You know, I do pride myself, in a large part because of her, at being a professional actor. 

And what being a professional actor means is you go and you do the 15-hour day and give it absolutely everything: even in what you know is going to be a losing effort.

“And if you can do that with the best possible attitude, then you’re a pro, and she really helped me with that.”

This is what professionalism looks like.

Sir Christopher Lee, the actor who played Count Dooku in Star Wars prequel trilogy, and Saruman in the Lord of the Rings franchise, once said, 

“Every actor has to make terrible films from time to time, but the trick is never to be terrible in them”

Like Matt Damon, we, too, might get bad “jobs”. The key: Never turn in a bad performance, working on them.

Ever got assigned roles which seem unremarkable or unappreciated? Maybe it’s writing the MOM, organizing the department team building, tedious contracting work, emceeing for yet another staff engagement session, or part of a “boring” task force.

Or sometimes your company or boss might assign you with cookie-cutter tasks or roles which aren’t particularly “sexy” or “glamorous”. They don’t necessarily rake in the profits, boost production, or seem worthy to appear on newsletters or intranet portals. 

Perhaps they’re the kind of assignments that make people go “meh” and question “so what?” Or tasks which you don’t like, disagree with, feel that it’s a “waste of time”, or perhaps, you’re just not excited or passionate about that work anymore. It just feels like spinning the wheels. The same mundane thing. SSDD - same stuff, different day.

Our tendency is, we become jaded, excessively cynical and just phone it in with minimal effort, just to tick off the box and get it over and done with. It becomes a venting topic at the water cooler, and we might even go on social media to whine about it and vent out our frustrations. 

Hallmarks of poor professionalism. 

In the words of Matt Damon’s wife: “you’re here now”. 

Put aside your ego and personal emotions, and instead, give it all you’ve got and commit to it with excellence & ihsan. Do it best, and move on. 

There’s a quote by Maya Angelou that says, 

“People will forget what you said, people will forget what you did. But they will never forget how you made them feel”

Your attitude is a “live” CV, and firsthand demonstration of professionalism. People might not remember the magnitude or the contribution of the task. But people will remember the impression that your attitude left behind: How much integrity, workmanship, enthusiasm, and passion you put in, even though the task didn’t really seem all that fancy. 

Leaders with a keen eye can see that hidden potential: imagine if I actually gave this guy a flagship project. 

Team members who had the pleasure of working with you, would love to capture that same thunder again and would vouch for you, when the time comes: transfer proposals, vacancies, maybe even more? 

And that’s why, “bad movies” didn’t even cause a dent in Matt Damon’s career. He continues getting groundbreaking roles such as the 2024 Best Picture Oscar-winner Oppenheimer. 

Because he always gives it 100%, and gets back up like a boss.

And so should you.

QTG Leaders Conversation: “Courage to Lead” - 5th March 2024, SKA Auditorium

 

For our recent department Staff Engagement Session (SES) Leaders engagement, I decided to try out something new: Instead of just having an open mic session squaring off between the leaders and audience, let’s put more structure to it. Have Leadership conversations that are more relatable, more engaging and inspiring to the grassroots and team on the ground - set the tone, and have open mic Q&As in between.

The Conversation was split into two parts:

Panel #1: A conversation with new leaders - Hear some behind-the-scenes thoughts from our newly appointed managers. What are the struggles they went through (and still going through!), how they adapted from the drastic change from their previous roles, how these roles pushed them beyond their comfort zone, the culture shock they had to confront, and what are they aspire to do differently now that they are in the driver’s seat.

Panel #2: we bring our senior leaders and Head department to shed light and thoughts on the previous conversation on developing leaders; where we also relay the “tough” questions submitted online and through our cultural survey.

My role as the moderator is to shine the spotlight on our leaders, especially the young managers: Let’s break down barriers between “bosses and the rakyat” - use this platform to allow our colleagues to hear this side of the story, get to know our leaders on a more personal, human level. My hopes is that we can bring the team one step closer to build bridges, form connections and close gaps between our colleagues and our LT, and inspires trust and loyalty in the team while at the same time, trigger some takeaway, actionable points that they can develop in themselves and instil leadership in whatever role they are playing.

After all, as Simon (Sinek) says, “Leadership is not a rank or a position. It is a CHOICE: A choice to look after the person to the left of us & the person to the right of us”.

Highlights & Takeaway points:

✅ Always find good mentors and teachers. Mentors don’t necessarily have to be more senior - they might even be your own subordinates. Use this learning curve as an opportunity to build bridges, instil trust and respect amongst one another

✅ Never be ashamed to Ask for help - reach out to others, always find a way to improve. If you reach a dead end (no precedence, no “experts”), just create avenues to learn: Create your own study circles, form your own Community of Practice.

✅ Journalling - write down the things that you’ve learnt. Even the soft skills. On top of your technical skills, put more mindfulness on leadership aspects of your professional growth: Communication, listening, strategy, stakeholder interaction, difficult conversations. Learn and write the things you “should” do, and also, write down what you should NOT do. As you learn and grow, learn to be better at filtering knowledge: Ambil yang jernih, buang yang keruh (take the good, filter out the bad)

✅ Stay away from toxic influences who will demoralize you and make you “lose hope” of progress. Life’s too short to be surrounded by these energy drainers. Find positive role models who can inspire you to keep progressing forward

✅ The key to effective communication is SINCERITY.

✅ If you feel like you’ve reached a “dead end” in your career, doing the same thing again and again, realign your intentions of working, re-discover that passion from within. Perhaps this might be a triggering point for you to challenge yourself to do something different: reignite that spark!

✅ Leaders, just like all human beings, are a “work in progress”. We are never a “finished product”. We make mistakes, we try to learn from them and improve - and, we will make mistakes again!

✅ No matter how great they are, leaders are human, too. We have flaws, emotions and weaknesses. If we find gaps and flaws to be improved, let’s work together, help and collaborate to bring improvement. Sama sama!

✅ When the organization undergoes re-organization, especially when it seemingly “reverts back to its former structure”, look at it hollisticallly: the organization is growing and learning, too. Don’t be quick to judge that the leaders are “flip flopping” or just to satisfy "an agenda".

✅ Some may feel that people don’t listen to our feedback, but that’s our personal perception. The reality is, feedback is being processed and listened to, and while we improve certain aspects, other aspects might not be seen. Sometimes your feedback may contradict feedback given by others. Sometimes some aspects require a major change. Change takes time.

✅ When we try to improve and bring a solution to the team, sometimes that opens up door for new, unexpected challenges (i.e. from “insufficient people” to “overwhelmingly huge team”) - we must learn to be agile, resilient and adaptable

✅ Leaders are willing to listen - but are YOU willing to talk and open up?

“Perhaps I can give it a try?” - the Journey of a thousand miles begins with one step.

 “Perhaps I can give it a try?”

That was the first step triggered my entire experience volunteering as an MC. 

The year is 2012. Mufti Ismail Menk comes to Malaysia for the first time, in the event titled Mufti Menk Live in KL, MMKL2012.

A few days before the event. Logistics for the speaker, venue, ticketing, registrations, promotions. Ready. All good to go.

Only one problem. 

“Hey ermm… who's the Emcee?”

Silence. Followed by panic. We didn't have anyone. 

I considered: Perhaps I could give it a try?

Then, reality check: Whoa, why me? I’ve never done public speaking or debates back in school. I’m clearly not fit for the job.

But wait. We have time to prepare. Just come up with a script, memorize, read it well, and keep rehearsing. Leave a good impression for the organizers, that’s enough. Step up! 

I spoke up.

“Err.. perhaps I can try?”

A huge sound of relief can be heard in the meeting room, to fill up this much avoided task. 

Now, the task was simple enough: just introduce the speaker, introduce the event, welcome the audience, give a background of the organizers. 5 minutes, max. 

But for an introvert who isn’t a natural speaker, who wasn’t “born with the talent”, that was not easy! The prep time for those few minutes.. i spent more than 5 hours to prepare. Scripting, practicing, rehearsing, repeat. 

Fast forward, the next year in 2013: Mufti Menk comes back to KL. “Bro Faisal, can you become the MC again?”

One more time? For real? Hmm.. okay then. Perhaps, we can try to do even better. Improve a little bit more.

2014, repeat.

2015: The event gets upgraded to a full-blown convention: The Straight Path (TSP). Adding speakers such as Dr. Muhammad Salah, Sheih Saeed Rageah, Abdul Rahim Green. Wow, big event. 

“Bro Faisal - can you be our emcee?”

Gulp. No way. One talk, sure. But a convention? That’s totally different level!

Okay. Another opportunity to challenge ourselves. Let’s give it a try. 

Alhamdulillah, I get invited to the next TSP. And the next. And since then, I’ve become the emcee every year. Every event, an opportunity to improve, and opening more doors, as stepping stones to something greater in meeting new people, experiencing new events. 

Now, 12 years later, in 2024, I was invited to become emcee for the very first Perlis International Sunnah Convention (PISC), masha Allah.

The reason I’m writing this isn’t to tell you how “great” I am. Quite the opposite. I really just a normal guy who doesn’t have any “talent” in public speaking. Over the years, I slowly learn, slowly develop. But it all starts with the courage to take that first step.

The reason I’m writing this is a rally call for my friends out there to step up. Be the change you want to see. Seize the opportunities as they come, because they may never come again. Step out of your comfort zone, to try new things and tackle new challenges. Dare to fail, keep improving. 

The journey of a thousand miles begins with one step.

“Cuba je.. mana la tahu” - menjadi Emcee PISC2024

 

Demikianlah titik permulaan saya dalam pengalaman sebagai emcee sukarelawan. 

Tahun 2012. Mufti Ismail Menk datang ke Malaysia pada kali pertama: Mufti Menk Live in KL, MMKL2012.

Beberapa hari sebelum event: Semua dah bersedia. Logistik utk speaker, selesai. Venue, settle. Tiket, sistem pendaftaran, promosi.. good to go. 

Satu je masalah.

“Chup.. korang takde emcee ke?”

“Eh.. yelah…!”

Habis semua panic. Korang kenal tak, siapa2 brothers yg boleh jadi MC? 

Silence. Loud sigh: Payah betul cari emcee melayu lelaki yang berbahasa inggeris. Rare species. 

Aduh.. Jam. Macam mana ni? 

Kemudian, saya terfikir: Sampai bila kita nak mengeluh “susah nak cari emcee melayu yg cakap English”?

Mungkin saya boleh try..?

Eh, sat sat… takkan aku kot.. aku tak pernah ada pengalaman emcee. Tak pernah public speaking atau berdebat waktu zaman sekolah. Bagi la orang lain. Don't make a fool out of yourself, bro. 

Tapi, terfikir: Ada masa nak prepare. Just buat skrip, hafal, baca dengan baik.. peluang untuk leave a good impression.. cukup ah. Try la. Cabar diri sikit, luar comfort zone. Mudahkan penganjur.. Jadi spare tire. At least ada la bidan terjun ready untuk islamic. Lepas ni takde la pening kepala sangat cari Emcee. Apa kata kita buat something crazy: step up and be the change we want to see? 

Faisal: “err.. I boleh cuba?”

Kedengaran suasana lega dalam bilik mesyuarat. Happy. Akhirnya ada orang step up buat kerja yang orang tak mau.

Waktu tu, tugas saya sempoi je. Setakat introduce speaker, introduce to event, background tentang penganjur.. saya kira, 5 minit je max. Tapi cuak weh.. saya ambik masa lebih daripada 5 jam untuk prepare. Tulis skrip, praktis, rehearse, ulang, praktis, ulang.

Fast forward tahun seterusnya, 2013: Mufti Menk datang lagi. “Bro Faisal, boleh jadi Emcee lagi?”

Oh, jemput saya one more time? Biar benar. Masha Allah. Okay, ni peluang saya buat lagi bagus. Cuba improve sikit lagi. 

2014, Mufti datang. Jemput saya lagi. Okay, cuba improve lagi. Prep time reduce dari 5 jam ke 3 jam. 

2015: Acara dinaiktaraf kepada tahap konvensyen: The Straight Path (TSP). Menambah penceramah lain seperti Dr. Muhammad Salah, Sheikh Rageah, Abdul Rahim Green. Wow. Big event. “Bro Faisal, boleh jadi Emcee?”

Gulp.. bair benar. Konvensyen? That's a totally different level. Okay2. Bro cuba.

Alhamdulillah, dijemput lagi TSP seterusnya. Semenjak TSP yang pertama tersebut, setiap tahun saya jadi emcee. Setiap acara, saya improve, dan setiap acara, laksana batu loncatan, satu per satu membuka pintu baru, kenalan baru, dijemput emcee event lain. 

Sehingga lah kini.. 12 tahun kemudian, tahun 2024. Dikurniakan peluang, dijemput menjadi emcee untuk Perlis International Sunnah Convention (PISC) yang pertama, 2024. masha Allah. 

Tujuan saya menulis ni bukanlah nak cakap saya hebat. Quite the opposite. Saya ni tak pandai pun. Over the years, slowly belajar. Tapi segalanya bermula dengan memberanikan diri mengambil langkah pertama.

Tujuan penulisan ini adalah sebagai pengajaran bagi sahabat2 lain untuk step up. Be the change you want to see. Seize opportunities. Step out of your comfort zone to try new things and tackle new challenges. Dare to fail, keep improving.

The journey of a thousand miles begins with one step.

🎤 Exposed: My Experience Working with Amin Idris

Alhamdulillah, Perlis International Sunnah Convention 2024 (PISC2024) last weekend opened up an opportunity to be working and collaborating with brother Amin Idris for the first time, sharing the stage as co-MC’s. 

I've always wondered: how is it like to be co-Emceeing with an actual professional?

So, in this post, I am going to expose: How it's really like to work with the one and only Amin Idris.

In short: He’s a consummate professional, both on and off-stage, and an absolute joy to work with. 

Masha Allah, Allahumma barik.

Here is what I’ve learnt:

1. Dedication - the day before the event, he was shooting for a program in KL that ended 11pm before driving from KL to Perlis, spending the whole night road tripping (by himself!) arriving at 7am on the day of the event, and immediately started. 

But you can't tell. He shows up hitting the ground running, giving 100% like any other day.

Throughout the event, he's always alert, keen to receive instructions, being flexible for changes, and unlike some MC's I've worked with in the past, he doesn't abandon his post; always there, even during my slots.

Every time I express my amazement at his work ethic, he'll brush it off with some phrase like "kerja bro" or some dismissive excuse like "takut dengan Mufti” 🤣 .

In other words: That's the job.

2. Collaboration as MC. 

This event is the first time I've had a partnering Co-Emcee for an Islamic convention - let alone with a well-known public figure and professional speaker - and being the underdog volunteer, admittedly I was very nervous going in. Am I going to look foolish up there against this certified pro?

Should I just render myself irrelevant, take a step back and just let Amin dominate the stage?

Surprisingly, it wasn't like that at all. Working with him has been a very pleasant collaborative experience. I immediately felt we clicked with chemistry on the get go: We would exchange ideas & suggestions, seek and fully support each other's ideas. Onstage, he would always encourage me & open up space to speak, keep the momentum going, and help trigger my talking points when it appears I might have forgotten or shut down 😅

3. Handle Criticism like a Champ - 

As he just learned for the first time (and I've personally experienced), having Sheikh Assim as a panelist is very scary, if you're the Moderator. Be prepared to take a jab or two at your questions! But Amin handled it well, laughing it off with constructive remarks, even inviting Sheikh to "tease him some more" (by which Sheikh Assim happily responded, "no problem").

Amin shared that in the past, when he gave one of the speakers the indication of Times Up, the speaker called him a "dajjal" for "stopping the da'wah". Ouch!

But just as he does with the netizens commenting on his pages, he takes it like a champ and moves on. And this is something we should all learn from. 

Being able to stay cool while handling criticisms requires professionalism, humility and self-confidence. 

4. Akhlaq - I think this is my favorite aspect working with him. He's always got this aura of likeability: very welcoming, friendly, humble, accommodating and inclusive. Having conversations with him can make you feel like old buddies even though we just knew each other. The more I hang out with him, the more I’m inspired - from his origins of writing books at a young age, to his journey achieving 100k subscribers on YouTube, to him never missing his daughter’s sports events until this event (”sebab takut Mufti”)

Beyond that, he doesn’t discriminate his akhlaq, where it's a shaykh, or some random strangers requesting a selfie. 

I honestly feel that this is his underlying drivers of success: his offline akhlaq, coupled with his professional ethic and commitment, that always leaves people with a good impression. Because they enjoy working with him, people call him back to collaborate, therefore continuously creating opportunities and allowing him to always push his limits towards improving.

This reminds me of one of the previous PETRONAS Cultural Beliefs: Nurture Trust. 

Come for the professional services & work ethic, stay because of the akhlaq.

Sorry Amin, terlebih puji sikit. Best kerja ngan hang. It's been an honor & pleasure, my bro.

Semoga dpt peluang bekerjasama lagi (PISC2025 let's GO?)

Office politics: A Refreshing View

 

"You have to learn how to play the game."

When it comes to office politics, this is the common "advice" people give. But I found it very vague, impractical, and always made me feel uncomfortable. What does that even mean to "play the game"?

In the book “Be the Boss Everyone Wants to Work For - A Guide for New Leaders”, author William Gentry offers a refreshing and enlightening perspective, some of the best guidelines and advice to approaching office politics in a mature, professional way: Being political savvy. 

Thankfully, it’s not a game of thrones matter of either-you-win-or-you-die. 

Quite the contrary. In a nutshell, political savvy is about being sincere and authentic in all that you say and do, and leave people with a good impression.

This, I like. 

Quoting from the book:

“For many, politics is a necessary evil or a game to play. Favoritism, bullying, power struggles, and self-interest abound. These individuals see people making others feel small, stealing credit, or passing off the work of others as their own to get attention, glory, power, or resources. And bending or blatantly breaking rules and manipulating the system or people to get what they personally want.

Those who flip their perspective see politics differently.  They understand that politics aren't negative or positive. It's simply their air we breathe in organizations. This is not to say that they are naïve. They understand there are competing interests, scarce resources, ambiguity, unclear rules and regulations, and a lack of information.

The difference? They don’t let those perceptions get in the way of their goal to bring transparency and clarity to their teams, their coworkers, or stakeholders they work with. 

Goals of being Political Savvy: remove uncertainty and bring transparency, clarity, and a shared meaning to those you work with, so everyone knows what to expect, through the following:

1. Understand yourself and the environment around you - Having social astuteness: to objectively scan, observe, and gather information about yourself and the people and environment around you, so you thoroughly understand the thoughts, behaviors, and needs of coworkers and stakeholders you interact with. It’s also about impulse control (managing your temper) and remaining calm in the storm that is around you. It’s thinking before you speak and act.

2. Use that knowledge to be flexible and versatile enough to obtain goals that benefit you and others - Find common ground and do what needs to be done, so everyone wins something and feels good about the final result. 

3. Act in a sincere and authentic way - Leave people with a good impression: as a relationship builder who is seen as “flexible” and “adaptable”. If you do it in an inauthentic way, you’ll probably be labelled as “cunning”, “sly” or “obsessed with power”. 

If you have political savvy, you appear not to have it. Everything you do—your behaviors, your actions, the words you say—are all genuine, transparent, and authentic

That doesn’t sound bad, does it? Being politically savvy does not mean someone else must lose for you to win. It’s not about selfishness, having a façade, being a chameleon, or inauthenticity. Instead, it involves the sincere use of your skills, behaviors, and qualities to remove uncertainty and obtain goals that benefit you and others at the same time.

Over the years, we continuously find that managers with political savvy are seen as better leaders, more promotable, and less likely to derail in their careers according to their boss, peers, and direct reports. So don’t think of political savvy as being a brownnoser, a backstabber, a backroom dealer, a schmoozer, a shark, or a snake. It’s not embarrassing, patronizing, or inauthentic." (End Quote)

I like this point of view - it's straightforward, practical, and most importantly: Sincere. What do you think?

Presentations: Are they important, or just a nuisance?

 

Back when we first started working as fresh graduate engineers, we tend to disregard the importance of presentations, and kind of considered them a nuisance or an unnecessary inconvenience. It’s just a presentation, right? It’s the technical content that counts - Not all those aesthetic bells & whistles!

Some of us would meet immense frustrations, purely because of a 20-minute presentation that was rejected by a tough chairman, committee or leadership team - and just like that, all of those months - even years - of hard work, all in vain.

Sometimes, it would baffle us how people used to take long distance flights just to make a 20 minute presentation. We used to think “What a waste of money!”

Over the years, however, I’ve learnt to see things differently & appreciate the importance of Effective presentations. 

If you think about it, it’s these 20 minutes - that limited window which you have an audience with the key decision makers - that can make or break your hard work. All those months of effort culminates in that single, defining, moment. 

These precious few minutes aren’t a nuisance - they are the tip of your spear! These moments may be the single most important portion of the project / assignment: and that's why, it demands your full dedication & effort for you to stick the landing!

I’ve learnt to see the importance of presentations like that of being a 100m sprinter an the Olympics. Athletes train for years - decades - of their lives to make this event. And once they ACTUALLY make it to the grand event of the Olympics, they’ve only got a couple of rounds (i.e. “heat” rounds) to reach the quarter final.

How long does each heat last? An olympic level sprinter would take around 10-15 seconds. 2 heats to determine if they make it to the finals. 

All that training, all condensed into those precious 20-30 seconds. Years of hard work, and less than half a minute of actual performance to prove themselves. 

And if they lose? 

Bye bye Olympics. 

To me, that’s how important presentations are to our projects or proposals. 

So, make it count!

That’s why I’m personally very passionate about improving the quality of our presentations, and conducted a knowledge sharing on “Bulletproof Presentations: Tips How to Effectively Deliver Technical & Management Proposals”. I’ll always put in extra effort and go the extra mile to polish and even rehearse my content. 

How effectively we condense, re-frame, and concisely convey to our leaders, our mannerisms and etiquettes in communication, the way we answer questions - all of those MATTER. 

Rather than blame the bosses for understanding, we should take up the onus to focus on what’s in our control: How can I make the content more digestible to position our chairman, the leaders and the committee to make a clearer, more informed decision? How can I improve and incorporate that extra dash of excellence / ihsan to my presentation?

👣 What Legacy do you want to leave behind? My Knowledge Sharing Aspirations 💡

 

Back when we were starting out as fresh graduate process engineers, we were struggling to understand the basics how to do our work. We didn’t have senior engineers or TP’s, overwhelmed by standards and guidelines with no idea how to use them, and our competency development was a slog.

Thankfully, somewhere along the way, we managed to get our hands on something known as “Haji Nik’s slides”.

Haji Nik, a process manager from another region, had prepared a collection of simplified process engineering notes, organized by subjects and easy to understand. These slides were immensely useful and became our favorite references! Whenever assessment time would come (ahh ACD, those were the days…) we would whoop out the Haji Nik slides, going thru them together to prepare.

Haji Nik has already retired, and although I only met him a few times and never had the privilege to attend any of his sharing / classroom sessions, I always viewed Haji Nik as a Legend. An inspiration, motivating me for years to come, charting my personal aspiration of the legacy I want to leave behind: If I ever get promoted to manager, I want to be a leader that has left the workplace a better place. Leave behind content and knowledge that’s useful and beneficial for others young engineers to develop, while simultaneously inspire them to also share with others, in the hopes that they, too can carry the torch and inspire others, making the workplace better for others, long after we are gone.

I took it to heart. Throughout the years, Alhamdulillah I’ve conducted dozens of knowledge sharing sessions, ranging from technical engineering content (separator adequacy, life cycle cost analysis, HAZOP best practices), islamic knowledge (e.g. Life and Leadership Lessons from Surah Yusuf), productivity (personal knowledge management / building your competency Time Capsule), communication (how to deliver Bulletproof Presentations), career development (TMTP personal journey / how to obtain Chartered Engineer certification), and yes, even fitness 😂.

All of these sessions were voluntary, not done out of compulsory “development gaps” or meeting KPI.

Why bother?

Once, our boss asked us, in what seemed like sarcastic undertones: “you guys have so much time on your hands to do these sharing, kah?”
i.e. “so free, meh?” 😏

Immediately, I just straight up said, “we MAKE time.”

So, here’s the thing. The truth is, sharing knowledge demands a lot of effort. A 1-hour session can take up to 5 hours of research, compilation, slide preparation, editing, scripting and rehearsing (yes, I still need to do those).
My recent knowledge sharing on Phase Behavior (which lasted 2.5 hrs) took at least 10-20 hours of prep. My philosophy is, If people are going to spend time and valuable manhours to listen to you, put in the effort to make it worth it.

Preparing for these sessions requires me to spend hours at night, over weekends, during break times.

So to me, it isn’t about “finding free time”. It’s about making time, of putting in the deliberate effort to invest in a higher purpose, a cause greater than yourself.

Tying it back to the big picture: Our Purpose in Life.

Prophet Muhammad ﷺ said: “When a person dies, all of his deeds are cut off, except for three: a recurring charity, knowledge which is continued to be benefitted from, and a righteous child who continues praying and supplicating for a parent” (Muslim)

For Muslims, we consider working - earning halal income to provide for ourselves and our family - a form of worship (ibadah). And to create content that HELPS others to improve their work is a form of facilitating this act of worship.

I'd like to hope that somewhere along the way, I could leave my own trail of "Haji Nik slides" to help others, with content that  continues benefitting them even after I go.

If you want to strive for a higher purpose, you can’t "find time". You MAKE time.

Those hours on weekends, burning the midnight oil: Totally worth it ❤️

If you’re serious about sharing knowledge, start now in ANY capacity that you are available. Utilize whatever platforms that you have, even if it’s just a personal interactions. Don’t wait until you become a manager. It’s not like when you get promotion, all of a sudden you magically flip a switch and become inspired to share. Kita ni bukan Neo in the Matrix - “I know Kung Fu”.

If you don’t start sharing knowledge now, what makes you think you will do it later, when you are more busy, have more responsibilities on your hands? You have even more legitimate excuse.

When you get into the habit, then the leadership responsibilities only amplify your reach even more.

These are two thoughts I always audit myself:

Knowledge is a trust. An Amanah. A privilege that Allah grants you. What will you do with that trust? You will be questioned for your knowledge, as you will be for your wealth - what answers do you have?

After all, professionals come and go. Achievements will be rejoiced, then forgotten. At the end of the day, what legacy will YOU leave behind, after you go?

TP Sharing Session - Understanding Hydrocarbon Phase Envelopes & How they affect Upstream Process & Operations (28 Nov 2023, MTeams): Be the Change.

 

Alhamdulillah, today I was granted the opportunity to conduct a Knowledge sharing session, on Phase Behavior.

The topic of hydrocarbon phase envelopes are one of the most important underlying concepts that are the bread and butter of upstream process engineering. Once I understood this concept, a lot of operational problems started to make more sense, seeing them through a new lens. Wet gas, crude stabilization, sampling problems, CV flashing, PVT fluid characterization - suddenly, they began to click!

But throughout the years, I realized that although there were lots of training materials, classroom sessions and textbooks on the subject, I've never really found many resources that fleshed out the topic from the perspective of practical application in day-to-day operational challenges. For many of us, we learnt the concept through trial and error (mostly error), and we didn't really understand the "big picture" of how they were related. I've always thought, wouldn't it be nice if we had training material that linked these concepts together in our daily work? 

Then it dawned on me: Create our own content lah, bro!

 

Now that I'm in a position of experience, have some knowledge and a platform to share, might as well seize the opportunity: Stop whining, step up & be the change we want to see. To carve out the kind of content that we wished we learnt back in our early years and boost the development of those around us. 

I challenged myself to go one step further: Simplify the concepts and make it easy enough so that even non-engineers (like HR or Finance) could also understand and appreciate. Just as Albert Einstein used to say, "you do not really understand something, unless you can explain it to your grandmother"

The session went a bit over time, at 2.5 hours, but Alhamdulillah we got an overwhelmingly positive participation, with over 150 participants joining the session.

Hope the participants found it beneficial. May Allah make it a source of barakah and benefit for others.

SKG16.3 Community of Practice (COP) Final Gathering 2023

 

It was our turn as Sarawak (Gas) Assets region as tuan rumah, to host the final gathering of the year for our Community of Practice for Process Technology fraternity.

I have always supported the idea of COP gatherings in professional circles: By practitioners, for practitioners.
It's a platform to share our lessons learnt, best practices, successes, challenging each other and sparking ideas within the fraternity to try out new approaches, rethink our existing practices, and explore new methods and ideas. It's particularly inspiring when the community makes the time and shows courage to step up and actualize this - as we witnessed in this gathering.

We received excellent participation by all regions and center from IVA and OE, with process technical paper sharing from all regions PMA, SBA, and SKA covering wide range of interesting and practical topics from Dynamic simulation for process safety assurance, and meeting customer demand pipeline survival time during TA, Condensate Recovery system technology selection, Cooling System challenges, and Gas Turbine Generator (GTG) Optimization philosophy.

As the host and organizers, our team did a few little tweaks to enhance the overall experience for presenters and attendees alike to increase the engagement and enthusiasm throughout the learning experience:
 
1. Feedback forms for every presenter - we opened up feedback channels by making customized feedback forms for every presenter, to share their ratings and appreciative/constructive feedback. This allows audiences to play an active role to share their thoughts, for participants to gauge their performance for continuous improvement, and add a dash of competitiveness between presenters.

2. Awards - We introduced three categories of awards: Best paper presentation (by judges), the People's Choice Award (for the highest rated paper, as rated by the attendees in the feedback forms), and Best Participant (for active participants asking questions and contributing to others)

3. Managers as Emcee - To demonstrate our passionate commitment to the event and go the extra mile as hosts, the two process managers from Sarawak (myself & Ee) became the Emcees throughout the event.

4. Special tokens ☕ - As long-term memoirs, we provided custom-made mugs for presenters, game winners, and judges. (Man, wish I had one of those 🤤)

Really proud of the team for the successful event. Although we are only a small fraternity of 30-plus - among the smallest in the organization - the community is so active that we achieved among the top performing COP's in the whole PETRONAS.
With communities like these, it builds a solid foundation for us to collectively build sustainable competency development platform: to help each other grow, constantly grooming new experts without having to depend on specific individuals.

Keep up the awesome work! ❤️

"Worst leaders" vs. "Best Leaders" - A personal reflection

In politics, this hadith is often quoted as a bullet to weaponize against leaders and to provoke other people into hating certain leadership figures. But if all we do is use this hadith expose others’ faults without taking any real responsibility to reflect and implement this in our own lives, we have lost the plot, and miss the point of the teachings of sunnah altogether. 

The point of the hadith - in fact, any teaching of the Prophet ﷺ is for us to implement and put into action in our own lives. Not as a tool to blame others or expose their faults. If we have a healthy heart, then reading this hadith from the paradigm of a mu’min (believer) should trigger us to ask the question: “How can I be the best of leaders? How can I ensure that I prevent myself from becoming the worst of leaders?”

Therefore, the REAL questions we should be asking ourselves should first revolve around what is WITHIN our control: Do I love those under my responsibilities? Do I make du’aa for them? Or am I behaving like an entitled leader who’s just sitting around playing victim because THEY don’t love me or supplicate for me? 

On the other hand, am I just complaining and cursing them for their incompetence, lack of respect? Then I have fulfilled “my side” of the “worst leaders” character. And perhaps only a matter of time that they will reciprocate

This hadith talks about a leadership quality which is rarely ever talked about, especially in the world of corporate leadership: Love. People often talk about “loving their leader”, but few ever emphasize the importance of the leader first leading through example by loving their subjects first. 

In practice, what does it mean for leaders to love their subjects? For one, leaders don’t merely view their subordinates or subjects as tools or lifeless pawns to be used to advance their goals, whether corporate or personal agendas. 

Love implies that leaders genuinely respect and care about the well-being, development, welfare, and growth. And they demonstrates that care through their actions. 

Love implies that they behave with empathy and compassion, and in their ambition to advance their organizational cause, they consciously make careful, deliberate decisions with those considerations at heart, with a commitment to endure hardship and inconveniences, including making the occasional unpopular decision that would benefit their people in the long run. 

“Oh, but this sounds so fluffy duffy stuff. How are we supposed to get stuff DONE, if all we’re concerned about being lovey dovey? As leaders, once in a while we need to be tough also”.

Consider the perspective of of the love that we parents have for our children. There are moments where we need to be firm and strict - sometimes against their wishes, convenience and comfort. But for the sincere parent, the foundational intention remains: we don’t act out of revenge or personal glory. We do so out of love. A desire for what’s ultimately best for them and the family. Beyond the convenience that they see right now.  

In an Article published by Forbes, writer Tamiko Cuellar lists down eight ways to show Love to your Staff: 

1. Show Appreciation

2. Offer encouragement

3. Be understanding and flexible when possible, but have firm boundaries

4. Have a listening ear

5. Keep the lines of communication open.

6. Train rather than criticize.

7. Offer support in times of overwhelm.

8. Ask how they are doing, and really mean it

(End quote)

How would you feel about your leader if he or she behaved in this manner? Wouldn’t this, too, inspire love towards their leader? 

On top of love, a true righteous leader goes one step further as a demonstration of that Love: supplicating and making du’aa for their well-being. Wow. How about that.

In reality, of course, it’s not as easy in practice. Just because a leader shows love, doesn’t necessarily mean the love will be reciprocated or appreciated, especially in a capitalistic, self-centred environment or work culture. You might be ignored or criticized, even by others. Perhaps by your own subordinates.

And it’s within these moments that test the sincerity of our leadership: What is MY response if I am tested with their stubbornness or refusal to listen to me? What if my children fail to appreciate my love and care for them?

How would we feel if our subordinates or family members accuse us of being “a terrible father”? Or a “lousy boss”? 

Will we STILL love them and supplicate for them? Or will we slip into victim mode and curse them, and therefore strip ourselves away from the characteristics of the “best of leaders” - and inch closer towards being the worst? Will we put aside our personal emotions, endure the pain, and stick to our values?

It is in these moments that your leadership sincerity is tested, my friend. 

To Love in leadership is easier said than done. But that is the standard we must aspire to achieve. 

“The best of your rulers are those whom you love, and those who love you; they pray for Allah’s blessings upon you and you pray for His blessings for them.

And the worst of your rulers are those whom you hate, and those who hate you, those whom you curse and who curse you.” (Muslim)

May Allah grant us the strength and patience to make us among the best of leaders, and grant us leaders who love us, whom we love too.

Leadership discussion and COP with Senior Engineers: Being the Change we want to see

Recently, we organized an open discussion with the senior engineers in our department to have an open leadership conversation to share our challenges, and best practices as seniors. 

Recalling my previous years, one of the struggles I faced when I was promoted to senior engineer was, "what are my roles as a senior?"

How do I delegate tasks? How do I balance between "taichi" of washing my hands off from responsibility vs. "micromanaging" by being too overbearing?

How do I deal with juniors who refuse to share information or their work, out of fears that I will hog their glory?

And how about development? Am I expected to teach them? How do I draw the line between "spoon-feeding" versus "hands off"? Can I just use the "sink of swim" philosophy and refuse to teach them, out of the excuse of letting them "develop faster"? 

I'm still learning myself - I'm not qualified to teach or to coach. But I'm "expected" to; Now what?! 

Perhaps, should I start adopting "grumpy old man" sentiments: Are these "new generation" of people so manja that they need us to hold their hands?

How do I manage my OWN deliverables, capability development and performance, on top of all this supervision burdens? 

These were not easy questions, and none of them have straightforward solutions. No one provides coaching or training - so you kind of have to figure it out, through a constant battle of trial and error. Sometimes, I had some success (or at least I'd like to think so), and sometimes, I fell flat on my face, messed up bigtime. 

I knew that if I had to go through these struggles, I'm sure there are others who are going through the same. And we can't leave it up to chance or the person's individual capacity to just "figure it out" and expect to magically have quality leaders. 

I told myself, one day, if I ever be a manager, I would put in focused effort to facilitate the guidance & development of future leaders.

Provide the soft skills guidance I never had (and I wish I did). Be the change I've always wanted to see. 

Well, that day has come. Time to walk the talk. 

Hence we organized this session to discuss and iron out these challenges. But the plot twist was to do it as a team, not just individual 1-on-1. Create a community of practice to hear and learn from each other. Admittedly, I was super nervous at the idea, not knowing how it would turn out. Would it backfire and turn into a townhall mob? Would the seniors protest out of frustration of adding up more responsibility to an already heavy workload? 

To my delight, the session went really well. Many of them shared some really good insights; some of the challenges they faced, and how they developed the courage to delegate and collaborate, without the awkwardness of competing with each other. 

Some of my favorite highlights I heard from the team:

1. Delegation mindset: "if i micromanage the calculations / simulations, i am robbing the juniors from the opportunity to learn & do"

2. "Kita semua cari makan. Tak payah nak selfish" - Early on, discuss what is the expectations towards each other. Clear roles what to do. Mutually agree, who leads what, who claims what in performance appraisals. Be proactive; don't just wait for management directions. 

3. Keep up a regular and consistent (e.g. weekly) habit of communicating with each other to build trust: To know each other better to understand their strengths, gaps, and capabilities so you can comfortably delegate.

4. Learn from our juniors too! Everyone has their own strengths

5. Allow them to opportunities to lead presentations (even our own tasks), while actively supporting them if they receive questions: this builds self-confidence AND trust with us, knowing they are supported.

A major lesson here is that Rank equals responsibility. When we chase that promotion, we cannot just think of our own selfish needs. As you rise, more people will depend on you. And it's up to you to take responsibility and step up. 

You don't automatically become better leaders by rising up in ranks. Or else you will be repeating the same mistakes, only at higher ranks. You need to make a conscious choice to improve, to change, and to make a difference - not just repeat the cycle. 

I learnt a lot from the session, and I'm glad everyone had that safe space to share these practices, to listen and learn from each other. 

I don't know how effective it will be down the road, but  I would like to think - and hope - that we have planted a small seed towards crafting a better tomorrow, insha Allah. 

The Prophet ﷺ said,

"Each of you is like a shepherd, and each of you is responsible - and will be questioned - for your flock. 

A leader is responsible for his people - and he will be questioned about them." (Al-Bukhari)

9 tips to Develop Professional Resilience to Handle Tough Criticism and Feedback (~5 min read)

 

Earlier this week I attended a meeting which I faced some pretty intense criticism. 

It was tough, but it was a valuable learning experience that really got me to realize:

One of the most important life skills and aspects of professionalism we have to train ourselves is to develop the patience and resilience to handle professional criticism, tough judgment from the mob of netizens, and good 'Ol fashioned "bashing by the chairman"

The professional and business environment can be harsh, and even more so in social media. Therefore, if we don't learn the right mindsets and attitudes to confront these uncomfortable situations, it can be paralyzing when we take criticism too personally and dwell on it.

But how can we develop it? Especially us sensitive Malaysians? 

Based on my learning and experience, here is sharing some personal guidelines, 9 tips and mindsets I try training myself on how to handle harsh criticisms and develop professional resilience:

1. Keep calm and "Procrastinate" your emotional response - If you feel emotionally compromised, due to anger, shame or hopelessness in the moment that can derail your rational mind from being objective, then just refrain yourself from saying anything. Don't allow your emotional self to act or blurt out things that you will regret, feel embarrassed or obliged to apologize later on. Just pretend to be patient and hold yourself together long enough, until you find the private space, to proceed to #2. 

The Prophet said, "Whoever tries to be patient, Allah will make him patient" (Al-Bukhari) 

"Do not say anything for which you will have to apologize for " (ibn Majah) 

2. Embrace and process those hard emotions (it helps to have compassionate and supportive company by your side), take your time, but don't dwell on it too long. Then close that book, and move on for good. 

Whatever undesirable outcome that happened, consider it as a closed chapter in your book that we learn and take lessons from, so don't carry grudges or emotional baggage. That situation was to educate us, so use it to be wiser, not bitter. 

3. Nothing personal: Separate "me" from "my work" - This is important. Always Reframe the criticism to think of it as a critique against your work, and not you as a person. The criticism does not degrade the value your personal self worth. Neither is it a personal declaration of war or hostility against you. 

This was, in fact, a reminder that even Allah consoled His Prophet, Muhammad ﷺ as he endured being mocked by his own tribesfolk throughout his lifetime:

قَدْ نَعْلَمُ إِنَّهُ لَيَحْزُنُكَ الَّذِي يَقُولُونَ فَإِنَّهُمْ لَا يُكَذِّبُونَكَ وَلَٰكِنَّ الظَّالِمِينَ بِآيَاتِ اللَّهِ يَجْحَدُونَ

We know indeed the grief which their words cause you (O Muhammad ﷺ ):

it is not YOU that they deny, rather, it is the Verses (the Quran) of Allah that the oppressors deny. 

(Surah Al-An'aam 6:33) 

After all, it's just judgment against your work, nothing more. Even the best world-class artists, performers, leaders, and scholars, even they were not spared from criticism, either. 

4. Growth mindset - As you keep improving yourself, always consider yourself to be a "work in progress". Any criticism laid against you is only your current "phase". 5 years down the road, you're probably going to look back and consider this moment as a time when "I was young and less experienced" or "in my younger, foolish days" 

5. If others showed you disrespect, arrogance, or hurled personal attacks against you, it's their loss, not yours. Don't retaliate or retort. 

Don't give bullies the satisfaction of getting to your head or getting you upset. 

As long as you don't fight back or react emotionally, the honor is yours (and people will see it, too) 

Imam Ash-Shafi’ee once said,  “Say what you wish in abuse of me, for my silence towards an ignorant foolish person, is indeed an answer. I am not at a loss for a response but rather, it does not befit the lion to answer dogs.” 

خُذِ الْعَفْوَ وَأْمُرْ بِالْعُرْفِ وَأَعْرِضْ عَنِ الْجَاهِلِينَ

"Show forgiveness, enjoin what is good, and turn away from the foolish" (Surah Al-A'raf, 7: 199) 

وَعِبَادُ الرَّحْمَٰنِ الَّذِينَ يَمْشُونَ عَلَى الْأَرْضِ هَوْنًا وَإِذَا خَاطَبَهُمُ الْجَاهِلُونَ قَالُوا سَلَامًا

"And the slaves of Ar-Rahman (The Most Merciful) are those who walk on the earth in humility and sedateness, and when the foolish address them (with bad words) they reply back with mild words of gentleness." (Surah Al-Furqan 25:63) 

Keeping the end (akhirah) in mind, any form of disrespect also means them donating their righteous deeds to you on Day of Judgment! 

6. Hold the Fort, and keep the big picture in mind - when you receive harsh criticism, or ridiculous demands (e.g." I want this yesterday"), sometimes the convenient thing to do is to give in and just say "yes". 

But remember, it's not about you. If you have a clear intention, stand your ground and don't just cave in under pressure. 

The submissive "yes" might resolve the discomfort in the moment, but could result in a lot of problems down the road and compromise the bigger picture: your team, your project, or your goals. 

And when things go sour later because we didn't put our foot down, ego starts to creep in: we will be tempted to play victim, blame others, throw others under the bus, or give some lame excuses

If you are unable to make the call, then clearly state it, and own up to the consequences. 

7. Focus on SELF improvement - Drive yourself with the desire to be better, not to beat others. Bury the desire to "prove them wrong" - it has the dangerous risk of turning things personal and escalate into an unhealthy cycle of revenge. 

The Prophet ﷺ said, "glad tidings to the person who busies himself in rectifying his own faults, instead of busying himself hunting the faults of others!" (al-Hakim) 

8. Use humor - Here's what I recently try to adopt: Don't take yourself too seriously! Whenever you can remain composed and confident, strategically use humor wherever you can. But be mindful to use it in a sincere & humble self-deprecating kind of way, not the sarcastic, cynical "what-a-stupid-opinion" way. 

From time to time, I try to slip in the casual "I know, right?", "oof, you got me there" or raise my hands and say "guilty as charged, your honor" 

Not only does this defuse the situation and elevates the atmosphere, but subconsciously communicates a confidence that you are unphased, receptive and welcoming for others to speak up and share their thoughts. 

This isn't easy, of course. I could never do this in my younger days. It requires training to get rid of ego, learn self-awareness and gaining empathy of our surroundings, and of course, trial and error. In fact, if you aren't totally calm and composed, or unsure of how they will react, best not to risk it, or else you may have it backfire completely if you sound pretentious or condescending. 

9. Be nice - Wherever you can, show kindness and generosity to your critic. When the professional setting is finished and the boxing gloves are off, you can immediately have a coffee together and hit it off as friends. Demonstrate, by your actions, that you acknowledge that the criticism is nothing personal, and they got nothing to feel bad about. It's just work. And I'm a big boy. 

So that's it! Ultimately, when we combine these elements, the end product and tip of the iceberg is to develop mental toughness, of which the Prophet ﷺ described:

"True strength isn't to overcome others through wrestling them with your physical strength. Rather, the truly strong person is the one who controls himself when he is in a state of anger" (Al-Bukhari) 

Any others? Share your thoughts!