Admitting Mistakes

Today, a boss made a serious mistake by accidentally tearing up our signed approval document during his "spring cleaning operation".
But what was remarkable was the way he approached the situation after the incident.

Any other typical boss, could have easily covered up this mistake behind the scenes.. One could "make up" some comments, instruct us to "make the amendments, resubmit, re-obtain approval", then bring it to him.

Not this guy.
This man, he looked me in the face, and said "Ok macam ni lah.. actually, I tore it up by mistake. I didn't realise this during my spring cleaning - I thought it was expired stuff. I'm so sorry la brother - need you to do a favor to get it signed again".

As if that wasn't enough, he called my boss on loudspeaker in front of me, openly admitted and apologised. "I admit it's my fault".

Amazing response!

Sometimes our pride and ego tells us that admitting our mistakes would make others lose respect of us, or that we will "lose credibility" , but in reality, it is much more respectable to have the guts and transparency to admit our faults, move on and improve.

To justify our errors, that's nothing - even Satan does that. But to swallow our ego, openly admit our faults, and take the firm resolve to improve - now that requires true strength of character.
The first step to fixing our faults is to first acknowledge that we have them in the first place - and this is the true essence of repentance (tawbah).

The Prophet (sallallahu alayhi wasallam) said:
كُلُّ بَنِي آدَمَ خَطَّاءٌ وَخَيْرُ الْخَطَّائِينَ التَّوَّابُونَ
“Every son of Adam commits sins,
and the best of those who commit sins, are those who are repentant.’”
(Narrated by at-Tirmidhi and ibn Majah, authentic)

May Allah make us amongst those who have the strength to swallow our pride, admit our mistakes, and have the firm resolve to rectify and make amends, especially in our duties to Him.

إِنَّ اللَّـهَ يُحِبُّ التَّوَّابِينَ وَيُحِبُّ الْمُتَطَهِّرِينَ ﴿٢٢٢﴾

“Indeed, Allah loves those who are constantly repentant and loves those who purify themselves." (Surah Al-Baqarah 2:222)

Responding to Invitations

I can't help but notice that, whenever invitations are sent to group mailing lists /WhatsApp group lists, usually, the only people who respond are those who cannot attend due to a "valid" excuse/strong justification.

In some rare cases, we receive positive response from those who are really determined to come. These are the awesome people... Props to them.

But most of the time, the vast majority who CAN come, will just remain silent and won't respond because
1) they are actually coming, but they take for granted the importance of communicating with the host / organiser - "no worries, I'll just come, doesn't matter if he knows or not, no big deal".
2) they are unsure, "need to check schedule first" - but "forget" to update organiser.
3) they actually don't want to come / not interested.
But they don't want to offend/ make organiser feel bad.
Or, they don't want to bother listening the organizers trying to convince them to come.

Lack of communication on our presence/absence will cause major inconveniences and difficulties to the organizers/hosts. 
Consequently, we have shortage/wastage in resources (especially extra wasted food), ineffective/unfulfilling sessions, or negative morale effect/disappointment to the group, especially to the hosts.

A reminder to myself and to you, let's make an effort to communicate our attendance and availability - be honest and transparent in our dealings.
But more importantly, remember the rights of our brothers and sisters - to fulfill and respond to their invitations.
There are consequences to our actions, so let's have the empathy to understand them.

The Prophet Muhammad (sallallahu alayhi wasallam) said :
"You do not have (complete) faith until you love for others what you love for yourselves" (Narrated in Sahih al-Bukhari)

"Six are the rights of a Muslim over another Muslim:
(1) When you meet him, offer him greetings (of salam)
(2) when he invites you (e.g to a feast, gathering) ACCEPT it.
(3) when he seeks your advice, advise him,
(4) and when he sneezes and says:" All praise is due to Allah," you say Yarhamuk Allah (may Allah show mercy to you) ;
(5) and when he fails ill, (go to) visit him; and
(6) when he dies follow his bier (the funeral procession)"
(narrated in Sahih Muslim)

MH370 - the Muslim's Response

Since the disappearance of MH 370, we have witnessed a tidal wave emergence of relentless critics towards the government, unempathetic journalists, rapid fire rumours and false reports, numerous chain emails and WhatsApp messages, overnight pseudo-aviation experts, public humiliation on a national scale (that involves a certain pair of bamboo sticks and coconuts), and at the same time, some positive responses in the form of encouragement and prayers.

Whatever our response may be – we should be clear what our intentions are – are we genuinely adding value, or are we just riding the storm and jumping the bandwagon to gain some popularity or ‘likes’?

By a single plane, Allah decreed this one event to Expose some of our society’s characteristics in dealing with these situations.

Here are some concise principles from the sunnah of the Prophet Muhammad (sallAllahu alayhiwasallam) on how best Muslims should deal with situations such as these.

1)

وَمَنْ كَانَ يُؤْمِنُ بِاللهِ وَاليَومِ الآخِرِ ، فَلْيَقُلْ خَيْراً أَوْ لِيَصْمُتْ

“.. and he who believes in Allah and the Last Day, must speak (only that which is) good, or just remain silent” (Narrated by Al-Bukhari and Muslim)

2)

"مِنْ حُسْنِ إسْلَامِ الْمَرْءِ تَرْكُهُ مَا لَا يَعْنِيهِ"

“Part of the perfection of one’s Islam is to abandon everything that does not benefit him” (Narrated by Tirdmizi, graded hasan)

3)

"‏كفى بالمرء كذبًا أن يحدث بكل ما سمع‏"‏‏

"It is enough for a man to prove himself (to be) a liar when he goes on narrating everything he hears." (Narrated by Muslim).

4) Beware backbiting and tale-carrying

لَا يَدْخُلُ اَلْجَنَّةَ قَتَّاتٌ

“The distributor of false tales and backbiters will not enter Paradise!” (Al-Bukhari, Muslim)

‏"‏ أَتَدْرُونَ مَا الْغِيبَةُ ‏. ذِكْرُكَ أَخَاكَ بِمَا يَكْرَهُ ‏"

“Do you know what is backbiting?‏ Backbiting implies your talking about your brother in a manner which he does not like.”

It was asked to the Prophet, “(what if it’s actually true) I actually find (that fault) in my brother which I made a mention of?” The Prophet replied:

‏"‏ إِنْ كَانَ فِيهِ مَا تَقُولُ فَقَدِ اغْتَبْتَهُ وَإِنْ لَمْ يَكُنْ فِيهِ فَقَدْ بَهَتَّهُ ‏"‏

“If (that fault) is actually found (in him) what you assert, you have in fact backbited him, and if that is not in him it is a slander (which is worse)”

(Muslim)

5) Making du’aa and prayers for the safety and well-being of those in the flight and their respective families

"‏دعوة المرء المسلم لأخيه بظهر الغيب مستجابة، عند رأسه ملك موكل كلما دعا لأخيه بخير قال الملك الموكل به‏:‏ آمين، ولك بمثل‏"

“The du’aa/doa (supplication) of a Muslim for his (Muslim) brother in his absence will certainly be answered.

Everytime he makes a supplication for good for his brother, the angel appointed for this particular task says:

'Ameen! May it be for you, too'." (Narrated by Muslim)

6) Helping others in need – if you know the families of those involved.

مَنْ نَفَّسَ عَنْ مُؤْمِنٍ كُرْبَةً مِنْ كُرَبِ الدُّنْيَا نَفَّسَ اللَّهُ عَنْهُ كُرْبَةً مِنْ كُرَبِ يَوْمِ الْقِيَامَةِ وَمَنْ يَسَّرَ عَلَى مُعْسِرٍ يَسَّرَ اللَّهُ عَلَيْهِ فِي الدُّنْيَا وَالآخِرَةِ وَمَنْ سَتَرَ مُسْلِمًا سَتَرَهُ اللَّهُ فِي الدُّنْيَا وَالآخِرَةِ وَاللَّهُ فِي عَوْنِ الْعَبْدِ مَا كَانَ الْعَبْدُ فِي عَوْنِ أَخِيهِ

“He who alleviates the suffering of a brother out of the sufferings of the world, Allah would alleviate his suffering from the sufferings of the Day of Resurrection,

and he who finds relief for one who is in difficulty, Allah would make things easy for him in the Hereafter,

and he who conceals (the faults) of a (fellow) Muslim, Allah would conceal his faults in the world and in the Hereafter.

Allah is at the back of a servant so long as the servant is at the back of his brother”

(Narrated by Muslim)

7) Do not call towards religious acts which are outside the boundaries of our religion’s teachings.

‏ "‏ مَنْ عَمِلَ عَمَلاً لَيْسَ عَلَيْهِ أَمْرُنَا فَهُوَ رَدٌّ ‏"‏

“He who performans an act which is not in accordance to our command (i.e. the Qur’an or the sunnah of the Prophet), then it is rejected.” (Sahih Muslim)

May Allah alleviate the difficulties of those involved, and may He grant consolation and comfort to those under this tribulation – including the people investing genuine hard work to resolve the situation, and may He grant us the steadfastness to deal with this sutation in the manner which He is Pleased with.

Amin!

Recognizing True Quality

Whenever I need a taxi in miri, there's only this specific driver I call. If he's not available, he immediately calls/texts his friends to pick me up instead. And within minutes, he will get a replacement.
Now, technically, I can get the same service had I called the general taxi line. Same cost, same speed, virtually same service.

So why do I still call this particular driver specifically?
The very fact that he takes the extra effort to spend from his own money to contact his buddies to take the fare, even though there's no monetary benefit in it for him at all;
the very fact that, any other regular taxi driver would have just said "no" at his loss of business opportunity and left it at that.
Yet he goes the spectacular extra mile to deliver a service.

This shows that this isn't guy who's out to just make money. This is someone who wants to provide a quality service, and this is exactly the thing that builds loyalty.

Brothers and sisters, when we deliver with genuine quality in what we do, it will be reflected from our actions. You don't need to promote yourself, justify or blow the horn, you don't have to worry that people don't recognize your effort, you don't have to be stressed about it going to waste - those who recognise quality will pick it up.

And if the people don't, know for a fact, that Allah Knows, and He Recognises true quality. And at the end of the day, that's all that matters.
So let's play our part and deliver the best in all that we do, regardless of people's acknowledgement.

الَّذِي خَلَقَ الْمَوْتَ وَالْحَيَاةَ لِيَبْلُوَكُمْ أَيُّكُمْ أَحْسَنُ عَمَلًا
"(it is Allah) Who has created death and life, so that He may test you which of you is BEST in deed.. "
(Surah Al-Mulk :2)

The "Dispensable" HR Philosophy

One of the biggest sins and tragedies of Human Resource Management in Organizations, is the arrogance to consider their staff to be dispensable and replacable, and to make the staff feel completely underappreciated.

Many a times, especially the “major” companies, when people leave, they tell them “Sure, you can go, there are hundreds of people out there waiting to get YOUR job”.
Also another tendency is to find fault with the staff, and heavily penalizing them for little mistakes they did, completely overlooking the positive contributions they have made.

1) Reality: an organization is nothing without its people. Without the people, your “organization” is only assets, systems and taxes. If your people are dispensable, then so are your values, vision and ambitions – so what’s left?
Assets, systems, and taxes? Let the robots rule the world lah!

Khalifah Umar ibn Al-Khattab recognizes this - once he was sitting at the masjid, and he asked his companions – if you were to make one wish, what would it be?
And after they stated their wishes, Umar said, “as for me, I wish this masjid was full of great men – men in the likes of Abu Ubaidah al-Jarrah and Mu’adz ibn Jabal” - men who can change the world and truly make a difference.
Without great men, masjids can fall, khalifahs can be overthrown, da’wah stopped, knowledge only stored in books.

Simply put, without great individuals, organizations fail.


2) “Those who aren’t thankful to people, aren’t thankful to Allah” (authentic hadith narrated in Sunan At-Tirmidzi)

If you fail to recognize people’s true contributions, and the value they add, and if you consider them dispensable in spite of all this, then the truth is, you aren’t thankful to God.

Think about it: What kind of hypocrisy do you live with, when you expect God to forgive your sins and reward you with Paradise and to reward all your efforts, yet you yourself fail to acknowledge the good in people?

Loyalty cannot come out of lack of acknowledgement and gratitude.

3) If the good people leave, who’s left?
People who recognize that their talents can add value elsewhere, and who feel ‘dispensable’ – won’t hesitate to move on.
But people who feel a little bit insecure due to them feeling a lack of experience/skill, would choose to stay despite being dispensable - because they don’t have much of a choice.

So, theoretically, if we continue this ‘dispensable’ HR Philosophy, in the long run, the good people go, and the not-so-good ones stay.
So what does that speak for the future of the organization?


Let’s treat human beings in our organizations with the right empathy, gratitude and respect. When we do, only then can we fully unlock their potential and provide them the ripe platform to change the world.

Allah reminds the Prophet Muhammad (sallAllahu alayhi wasallam) in his wisdom in dealing with his companions:

فَبِمَا رَحْمَةٍ مِنَ اللَّـهِ لِنْتَ لَهُمْ ۖ وَلَوْ كُنْتَ فَظًّا غَلِيظَ الْقَلْبِ لَانْفَضُّوا مِنْ حَوْلِكَ ۖ فَاعْفُ عَنْهُمْ وَاسْتَغْفِرْ لَهُمْ وَشَاوِرْهُمْ فِي الْأَمْرِ ۖ فَإِذَا عَزَمْتَ فَتَوَكَّلْ عَلَى اللَّـهِ ۚ إِنَّ اللَّـهَ يُحِبُّ الْمُتَوَكِّلِينَ
“..And had you been severe and harsh-hearted (with them), they would have surely broken away from you;
so pass over (their faults), and ask (Allah's) Forgiveness for them;
and consult them in the affairs.
Then when you have taken a decision, put your trust in Allah, certainly, Allah loves those who put their trust (in Him).”
(Surah Al-Imran 3:159)

Great Husband - a 'forgotten' sunnah..?

Reading into the seerah (history) of the Prophet Muhammad (sallAllahu alayhi wasallam), we see an exemplary role model throughout all facets of life. He was a great teacher, a great leader, a beloved friend and companion, an honest and skillfull businessman, a great student, etc; but above all, what really proved his genuineness, was that above all that:

He was the best of husbands.

How unfortunate that these days, many amongst the men, when it comes to the word “sunnah” and “marriage”, the only thing they talk about is about “more than 1” – forsaking the greater sunnah : being a GREAT HUSBAND in the first place.

How much have we forgotten the following sunnah of being a husband –

- Doing the house chores and serving the family at home (Sahih Al-Bukhari Vol. 1, Book 11, Hadith 644)

- Consult and LISTEN to your wife’s advice (Al-Bukhari, Book #50, Hadith 891)

- If your wife didn’t cook, then don’t complain, just fast (Sahih Muslim, Book 6, Hadith 2574). In fact, never criticize ANY food for that matter (Al-Bukhari, Vol. 7, Book 65, Hadith 320)

- He was so loving that he would kiss his wives just before he left the house to go for prayers (Sunan At-Tirmidzi, Vol. 1, Book 1, Hadith 86, graded hasan) even while in a state of fasting (Muslim, Book 6, Hadith 2446),

- He would openly express his love for his wife, even amongst his friends (Al-Bukhari, Vol. 5, Book 57, Hadith 14)

And many more! We’re only scratching the surface of some examples on how the Prophet was an exemplary husband – this on top of him being a cheerful, loving, caring, and patient. How he was with his companions, he was even better with his own family – especially to the wife.

And he gave the criteria of those who are the best of mankind:

أكمل المؤمنين إيماناً أحسنهم خلقاً وخياركم خياركم لنسائهم

“The most perfect man in his faith among the believers is the one whose behaviour is most excellent;

and the best of you are those who are the best to their wives." (Narrated by At-Tirmidzi, Vol. 1, Book 7, Hadith 1162, graded hasan)

“خَيْرُكُمْ خَيْرُكُمْ لأَهْلِهِ وَأَنَا خَيْرُكُمْ لأَهْلِي”

"The best of you is the one who is best to his wife (family), and I am the best of you to my wives."

(Sunan ibn Majah Vol. 3, Book 9, Hadith 1977, graded hasan)

My dear brothers, the Prophet gave the benchmark of being the “best” as how well we treat our wives – because our character in private, is a true representation of who we really are.

We can fool everyone with our public appearance, but we can’t fool the wife.

On the Day (of Judgment) when people will be blaming other for their shortcomings, how well have you treated the one who knows you the most?

Because seriously, if you’re lousy with one, then don’t be lousy with two. Or three. Have mercy on our sisters.

A reminder for myself and to you – Let’s endeavour to follow the Sunnah of the Prophet holistically towards becoming the best of husbands.

Remember: The best of men was the best to his wives.

Merciful Parenting

In my recent Miri – KL flight, I sat on the same row with a Dutch family: mom, dad, a 2-year old daughter, and a 4-year old son (well ok, turning 4 ‘tomorrow’).

It was a delightful observation seeing how these parents interact with their children. Firstly, I noticed they would give full-time attention to their children – they would talk to them like adults, they would converse, ask questions. Even when their children played games on the iPad, they would interact and pretend to “learn how to play” the game from the kids.

But at no point in time, did the parents just ignore the kids and do their ‘own thing’: play the iPad, fiddle with their smartphones, read the newspaper, talk about politics, etc.. nope. Full time attention. They were all like best friends on a ride.

And they – especially the mother – would constantly smile, say positive things of encouragement to them all the time – I never heard them rebuke or scold them.

Whenever the children threw a tantrum or started to misbehave; depending on the level of seriousness, the parents will either (1) stare at the child and reason/negotiate with them, or (2) stop smiling and just ignore them. Because the kids are not used to their mommy not smiling, this will drive them nuts, and eventually they will ‘pujuk’/negotiate to restore the status back to normal.

But the parents never raised their voice, say negative things, or flare up against the kid. Sure, the tantrums would sometimes be annoying to people and it does take a while to cool down, but it eventually got the job done.

And when 4-year old Tim introduced himself to me, surprisingly, it wasn’t me who initiated the conversation.

And when I studied in Australia, I recalled many parents adopting this style.

Us Asians are so used to scolding the kids, constantly telling them “don’t do this”, negative expressions (e.g. “I don’t know what to do with you”), so used to doing our own thing and ignoring the little ones, only giving them gadgets so they just run off and leave us in peace.

And when they become teens they alienate themselves because we didn’t invest the effort to be their best friends, in their important years..?

Ajeeb.. We say “Buangkan yang keruh, ambil yang jernih” (Leave off the bad aspects, and take the good aspects of other cultures), yet how surprising it is, that we emulate ‘Mat Salleh’ in our dressing, our slangs, our entertainment, our culture and superstititions, yet we don’t emulate them in upbringing of their children.

Granted, this was only a 2-hour plane ride, but it was an enlightening experience, observing the family. It gave a little snapshot on - perhaps - what would be the sunnah of the Prophet Muhammad (sallAllahu alayhi wasallam) when it comes to parenting styles.

Take heed, ayuhal Muslimun! Raise our future leaders well!

Anas ibn Malik said, “I served the Prophet for ten years (i.e. since I was four years old until I was fourteen), and never once did said to me, "Uf" (a minor harsh word denoting impatience, raising his voice) and never did he blame me by saying, "Why did you do so or why didn't you do so?"

(Sahih Al-Bukhari, Book 73, Hadith 64)

The Prophet Muhammad said,

“Whoever is not merciful and compassionate towards the young among us, and does not recognize the honour of the elderly among us, he is not from us” (Narrated in Tirdmizi, Book 27 Hadith 2044, graded hasan)

A few desert Arabs once came to the Prophet and said: “Do you kiss your children?”

He said: “Yes.”

Thereupon they said: “By Allah but we do not kiss our children!”

Thereupon the Prophet said: “Then what can I do if Allah has deprived you (i.e. your heart) of mercy and compassion?”

(Sahih Muslim, Book 30, Hadith 5735)

In another narration, he responded

“Those who do not show compassion and mercy (to others), will not be shown compassion and mercy (by Allah)”

(Sahih Al-Bukhari, Book 73, Hadith 42)