Dealing with your Spouse's Habits

I feel that a very important marriage tip – applicable for everyone already in the club, but especially for the newlyweds and the “soon-to-be-married”s – is the issue of dealing with your spouse’s “habits” or “traits”.
It’s not often people mention this, but it’s a life-saving tip that can really make a difference to make our marriages happier and more meaningful. Or at least save ourselves from a whole ton of drama.

Getting married will mean you will spend the most private hours of your lives together – and that usually means uncovering a skeleton or two on the true nature of your spouse’s “bad habits” or “bad character traits” – habits which you’d never would have known before tying the knot. 
And many a times, these ‘habits’ can be quite a shocker as you “never expected him/her to be like that”
Sometimes, these habits are just annoying, but sometimes they can lead to serious clashes and rifts between the spouse, as they learn to live and cope with the newfound misalignment.

So here are some quick tips which can help :

1. It’s starts with you. You’re not perfect either.
As much as you are discovering the other side of your spouse’s nature, so is your own true nature being unlocked - And you’re no angel, either. So use this as a means to take the firm resolve to change for the better, for the greater good. So don’t startup a shooting range, and if you get feedback, don’t get defensive, don’t get argumentative or antagonizing.

2. Invest in your relationship
The Prophet Muhammad (ﷺ) said,
“خَيْرُكُمْ خَيْرُكُمْ لأَهْلِهِ وَأَنَا خَيْرُكُمْ لأَهْلِي”
"The best of you is the one who is best to his family (especially to his wives), and I am the best of you to my family." (Sunan ibn Majah, graded hasan)

Make the conscious effort to be the best buddy to your spouse. As the saying goes, “you can only sell to friends” – and a “sincere well-wishing friend” is far more effective, trusted, and beloved than a “nagging spouse”.

Best buddies always accommodate each other, and their feedback will always be appreciated.
A nagging spouse… ehhh…


3. For Allah’s sake, don’t tell others*

Take those gossip temptations and chuck it out the window. Making fun of your spouse or exposing their personal faults is no joke. Likewise, concealing your spouse’s faults is a great deed.

The Prophet said,
"‏ كُلُّ أُمَّتِي مُعَافًى إِلاَّ الْمُجَاهِرِينَ
"All the sins of my followers will be forgiven except those of the Mujahirin (those who commit a sin openly or disclose their sins to the people).” (Narrated by Al-Bukhari)

"‏ لاَ يَسْتُرُ عَبْدٌ عَبْدًا فِي الدُّنْيَا إِلاَّ سَتَرَهُ اللَّهُ يَوْمَ الْقِيَامَةِ ‏"

“The servant (who conceals) the faults of others in this world, Allah would conceal his faults on the Day of Resurrection.” (Narrated by Muslim)

*exceptions may apply, e.g. getting sincere advice


4. Differentiate the habit type

Some habits are haram (e.g. cursing, smoking, revealing clothing, being ‘easy’ with others from opposite gender, pornography), but some are plain annoying or makruh (e.g. perpetually browsing through facebook, whatsapp or the all-important smart phone, not cleaning up the dishes after meals, spending hours on entertainment), and some might be undesirable/unlikeable personal traits which might lead to worse things – e.g. bad temper, procrastinating habit, impunctuality, insensitivity.

Prioritize which ones are the more serious areas of concern, and focus on those. Marriage is a long-term commitment : so work it out systematically, one step at a time, and don’t amp up the drama more than necessary.



5. Don’t be so drama: Be Patient…

They are called “habits”, after all. Change takes time, use wisdom and gentleness. Allah commanded Prophet Moses to speak to Fir’awn (Pharaoh) in a gentle and soft manner (Chapter Ta Ha 20: Verse 43-44).
So if the worst tyrant in the history of mankind should be advised with kindness and gentleness, how about your lifetime partner?
(FYI: no, your spouse is not worse than Fir’awn. Don’t be so drama.)

So speak to each other in the best of manners and with wisdom.

The Prophet ﷺ said

"‏ إِنَّ الرِّفْقَ لاَ يَكُونُ فِي شَىْءٍ إِلاَّ زَانَهُ وَلاَ يُنْزَعُ مِنْ شَىْءٍ إِلاَّ شَانَهُ ‏"

“Whenever gentleness is added to something, it beautifies it; and whenever it (gentleness) is removed from something, it makes it defective”


"‏ مَنْ يُحْرَمِ الرِّفْقَ يُحْرَمِ الْخَيْرَ ‏"‏
“He who is deprived of forebearance and gentleness is, in fact, deprived of all good” (Sahih Muslim)

"‏ إِنَّ اللَّهَ رَفِيقٌ يُحِبُّ الرِّفْقَ وَيُعْطِي عَلَيْهِ مَا لاَ يُعْطِي عَلَى الْعُنْفِ ‏"

“Allah is gentle, likes gentleness, and gives for gentleness what he does not give for harshness.” (Narrated by Abu Dawud, classified sahih by Al-Albani)


6. .. but at the same time, don’t be negligent

If your spouse (or yourself) has serious negative habits, then don’t shrug it off in the name of “keeping the relationship” – if a bad habit needs fixing, fix it. Sure, do it with wisdom, kindness, gentleness, take your time, etc – but fix it, and don’t get yourself “numb” to non-conformances.

Always remember that it is better to acknowledge our mistakes rather than find justifications to make it “okay”. At least acknowledgement will give us the drive to improve.
If you are articulate enough, you can justify anything - but it doesn't necessarily make it correct.


7. Develop together
Getting back to the first point: Work to fix YOUR own weaknesses and shortcomings first, and stay dedicated and focused towards it. It will induce – perhaps even inspire – your spouse to change for the better, and make him/her realize the need for change. And if it doesn’t – at least YOU are now a better husband/father/wife/mother – and if one major player in the management team improves, that’s already a great achievement.

Remember : “Allah will not change the state of a nation until they (first) change what is in themselves” (Chapter ar-Ra’d 13: verse 11) and, that "Whoever starts a good tradition which is followed, then for him is a reward, and the likes of their rewards of whoever follows him, there being nothing diminished from their rewards" (Narrated by At-Tirmidzi, graded sahih)


Marriage is a partnership, a tag-team, a management team that will be the centralized leadership when the little ones will come some day. It requires both parties have that same resolve to work towards righteousness. When Allah commands the nation as a whole to “وَتَعَاوَنُوا عَلَى الْبِرِّ وَالتَّقْوَىٰ ۖ”-  “Help each other towards righteousness” (Chapter Al-Maidah 5: verse 2), it starts with the building blocks of society : the parents.

And that is why, in the first place, as advised by the Prophet, the basis of our marriage compatibility, should be on the basis of our “deen” (our religion and way of life): our values – simply put, if we “answer to the same boss” or “are trying to Please the same One”, that will allow us to focus on the big picture solution and our place in this world.


Hope others will find this useful and spread the word.
May Allah make us amongst those who are best towards their spouse, amin..

An Honourable End, A Great Legacy

إنا لله وإنا إليه راجعون..

Recently, a public figure passed away

I don’t know much about the person, but I do know this : Regardless of which side of the political fence you were on, everyone who has met him or truly knew him, would respect him, if not love him – whether it was in his words, his sincere smile, or humility.

Despite his heavy tasks as leader, he would not compromise his prayers in jamaah or in teaching conducting his religious classes, and despite having the means to access of great wealth, he deliberately chose a modest, humble lifestyle throughout his leadership, and ending on a high by stepping down after the winning the elections, proving through his actions that it was never about personal glory or motives.

But as inspiring as he was in his lifetime, it was even more so touching and inspiring after his death..

The minute the news was out that he passed away, thousands of Facebook walls, WhatsApp groups, were filled with prayers for him – it went “viral” on a completely different level, so much so that this hadith suddenly became extremely popular :

The Prophet Muhammad said, “Allah will not deprive you of knowledge after he has given it to you; rather, Allah will take away (knowledge) through the death of the religious men of knowledge.

Then there will remain the people of ignorance, who, when consulted, will give verdicts according to their opinions, which they will mislead others and go astray."

(Narrated in Sahih Al-Bukhari)

There was such widespread recognition of this person’s status of a person of knowledge, and a feeling of such a great loss to the ummah, and that the people lost someone they genuinely love and respect.  

And the funeral procession certainly showed.

People would drive for hours to attend his funeral to pray for him and follow the procession. Streets were filled with waves of crowds, tens of thousands would come in an event  that can only be described as Kelantan’s streets being “flooded” yet again – not with water, but with people, for a funeral procession.

Now, you have to stop to think about this for a second : there is no worldly benefit or material gain in braving this insane traffic to attend a funeral. This wasn’t a mere act of “public show” to please others: People didn’t pray for a politician – they prayed for a person.

This was an earnest effort to attend the last rites of prayer because prayers is the “least I can do – if I truly loved and respected this man”.

His name, if translated from Arabic, meant “slave to (Allah,) the Most Honourable and the One who Grants all Honour and Glory” – and Allah certainly granted him an honourable passing.

Imam Ahmad ibn Hanbal, one of the four great imams of Islamic Jurisprudence, he used to say to the deviants/heretics : “the decisive factor between us and you is the day of funerals” – and truthful were indeed his words, when an estimated 800,000 people attended his funeral in Baghdad (!), whereas for his deviant enemies, only a handful would turn out.

His name will always be associated with the recognition of a “teacher”, and to his favor, this, along with his contributions to the ummah and the prayers of his children, will be a means of continuously earning reward of good deeds even after his departure.

The Prophet Muhammad said, “when the son of Adam dies, all his deeds are cut off, except three : (1) continuing charity, (2) knowledge which others continue to benefit from, and (3) a righteous child who prays for him” (Narrated in Sahih Muslim)

Regardless of which political side of the fence you’re on, as a human being, this was an inspiring passing and legacy, and that we pray that Allah grants us with the same, if not better. 

اللهم اغفر له وارحمه و عافه و اعفعنه..

May Allah forgive his sins, have Mercy on him, pardon him, and admit him into Paradise. And may He grant us all with a good honourable end. Amin

The Prophet said, 

 "‏ إِذَا أَحَبَّ اللَّهُ الْعَبْدَ نَادَى جِبْرِيلَ إِنَّ اللَّهَ يُحِبُّ فُلاَنًا فَأَحْبِبْهُ‏.‏ فَيُحِبُّهُ جِبْرِيلُ، فَيُنَادِي جِبْرِيلُ فِي أَهْلِ السَّمَاءِ إِنَّ اللَّهَ يُحِبُّ فُلاَنًا فَأَحِبُّوهُ‏.‏ فَيُحِبُّهُ أَهْلُ السَّمَاءِ، ثُمَّ يُوضَعُ لَهُ الْقَبُولُ فِي الأَرْضِ ‏"

"If Allah loves a person, He calls (the angel) Jibril saying, "Allah loves so and-so; O Jibril! Love him." 

Jibril would love him and make an announcement amongst the inhabitants of the Heaven. 'Allah loves so-and-so, therefore you should love him also,' 

and so all the inhabitants of the Heaven would love him, and then he is granted the Love of the people on the earth."

(Narrated in Al-Bukhari)

The Trials and Tribulations of 2015

For many of us, 2015 kicked off on a “bleak” and sour note – with the severe floods across the country with major losses, another plane tragedy, deaths and severe illnesses amongst loved ones..
It is high time for us to reflect on ourselves to ponder upon one wisdom on why Allah has Decreed such tribulations : so we return to Him in humility.

Allah says in the Qur’an:
وَلَنُذِيقَنَّهُمْ مِنَ الْعَذَابِ الْأَدْنَىٰ دُونَ الْعَذَابِ الْأَكْبَرِ لَعَلَّهُمْ يَرْجِعُونَ
“And verily, We will make them taste the near torment (i.e. the torment in the life of this world: disasters, calamities, etc.) prior to the supreme torment (in the Hereafter),
in order that they may (repent and) return (to Allah).” (Surah As-Sajdah 32:21)

وَلَقَدْ أَرْسَلْنَا إِلَىٰ أُمَمٍ مِنْ قَبْلِكَ فَأَخَذْنَاهُمْ بِالْبَأْسَاءِ وَالضَّرَّاءِ لَعَلَّهُمْ يَتَضَرَّعُونَ
“Verily, We sent (Messengers) to many nations before you (O Muhammad). And We seized them with extreme poverty (or loss in wealth) and loss in health with calamities –
so that they might believe with humility.” (Surah Al-An’am 6:42)

Hardships and trials should increase a person’s faith –
It should make us come to the realization that our existence in this world can be short lived, and that we WILL meet Allah to answer for our deeds; and if Allah Decrees our early departure, there is none that can prevent it from happening.
It should drive a person to draw a closer to Allah, making him realize that– no matter how much we have invested in this world – at the end of the day, what matters is our good deeds and our relationship with Allah.
It should make us re-evaluate ourselves and our weaknesses as individuals – for “Every son of Adam continuously commits sins, but the best of sinners are those who repent” (Hadith Narrated by ibn Majah and At-Tirmidzi)
It should make us be more proactive about extending help to others. Ponder on what will happen if these trials were to inflict us directly – who will be there for us? So now, what role have we played to support those in need: by our actions, do we demonstrate we love for others what we love for ourselves?

And that regard, we should look at these hardships as a Blessing – had Allah made us remain in our comfort and ease, perhaps our complacency and heedlessness will make us procrastinate again and drift us away from the Reminder to turn to Him and prepare for our meeting with him.

May Allah make us amongst those who turn to Him in repentance, and may He help those in need, and alleviate the suffering and hardships that they are going through.. Ameen.

فَلَوْلَا إِذْ جَاءَهُمْ بَأْسُنَا تَضَرَّعُوا وَلَٰكِنْ قَسَتْ قُلُوبُهُمْ وَزَيَّنَ لَهُمُ الشَّيْطَانُ مَا كَانُوا يَعْمَلُونَ
“When Our Torment reached them, why then did they not believe with humility? But their hearts became hardened, and Shaitan (Satan) made fair-seeming to them that which they used to do.” (Surah Al-An’am 6:43)

Busy busy busy - Not Good

The past few weeks of being “busy” at work have really taught me how damaging and dangerous a “busy” dunya life can be to our spirituality and our connection with Allah, and how Shaytan plays with your subconscious to drag you under.

You come back late and tired, and all you want to do is relax and crash, to gear yourself up for the next day. You make no provisional time for additional prayers, reciting Qur’an, seeking knowledge, doing da’wah, you compromise on a thing or two, you focus on the few “priority” tasks (family, prayers) to convince yourself that ‘at least you fulfil that’; and the ‘additional stuff’ just have to take a backseat, since “you’re too busy”.

You subconsciously get carried away, with Shaytan beautifying your deeds, and making you complacent as you justify to yourself that work is “ibadah” and hence you shake off the thoughts of guilt, fooling yourself that things will be OK “tomorrow”.

And before you know it, you’re descending a slippery slope that gets gradually harder to come back up.

SubhanAllah! May Allah save us from these pitfalls and may He grant us the iman to resist completency and ignorance, we seek refuge in Him against laziness and forging excuses, and not to be distracted from the “big picture” of our purpose in Life – to prepare the moment we will meet Him.

And may He protect us from making our investment of this dunya overlook or neglect our investment of the Hereafter, and in a meaningful existence of seeking His Pleasure.

اعْلَمُوا أَنَّمَا الْحَيَاةُ الدُّنْيَا لَعِبٌ وَلَهْوٌ وَزِينَةٌ وَتَفَاخُرٌ بَيْنَكُمْ وَتَكَاثُرٌ فِي الْأَمْوَالِ وَالْأَوْلَادِ ۖ كَمَثَلِ غَيْثٍ أَعْجَبَ الْكُفَّارَ نَبَاتُهُ ثُمَّ يَهِيجُ فَتَرَاهُ مُصْفَرًّا ثُمَّ يَكُونُ حُطَامًا ۖ وَفِي الْآخِرَةِ عَذَابٌ شَدِيدٌ وَمَغْفِرَةٌ مِنَ اللَّـهِ وَرِضْوَانٌ ۚ وَمَا الْحَيَاةُ الدُّنْيَا إِلَّا مَتَاعُ الْغُرُورِ 

“Know that the life of this world is but amusement and diversion, and adornment and boasting to one another and competition in increase of wealth and children –
like the example of a rain whose [resulting] plant growth pleases the farmers; then it (eventually) dries and you see it turned yellow; then it becomes [scattered] debris (and worthless in your eye).
And in the Hereafter is severe punishment and forgiveness from Allah and His Good Pleasure (for the believers).
And this world is nothing, except a deceiving enjoyment.

سَابِقُوا إِلَىٰ مَغْفِرَةٍ مِنْ رَبِّكُمْ وَجَنَّةٍ عَرْضُهَا كَعَرْضِ السَّمَاءِ وَالْأَرْضِ أُعِدَّتْ لِلَّذِينَ آمَنُوا بِاللَّـهِ وَرُسُلِهِ ۚ ذَٰلِكَ فَضْلُ اللَّـهِ يُؤْتِيهِ مَنْ يَشَاءُ ۚ وَاللَّـهُ ذُو الْفَضْلِ الْعَظِيمِ 

(So) Race one with another in hastening towards Forgiveness from your Lord (Allah),
and towards Paradise, the width whereof is as the width of heaven and earth,
prepared for those who believe in Allah and His Messengers.
That is the Grace of Allah which He bestows on whom He Pleases. And Allah is the Owner of Great Bounty.”
(Surah Al-Hadid 57:20-21)

Sometimes, One Deed Makes All the Difference

It’s a brutal reality that in annual performance appraisals, sometimes because of ONE DEED – one small mistake, one misstep, one failure to communicate, and immediately an entire year of hardwork goes down the drain and you failed to meet expectations.

And at the same time – albeit more seldom – there are cases where a single work achievement is so significantly impactful, adds so much value: that people acknowledge it so much to the point that a person will be given super performance ratings, and will virtually overlook all the previous deeds of mediocre performance.

Likewise, in our life, sometimes we may be do deeds – which we don’t realize its significance – but will have a huge impact in the ending in the Hereafter.

The Prophet Muhammad (صلى الله عليه وسلم) said:

‏ "‏ إِنَّ الْعَبْدَ لَيَتَكَلَّمُ بِالْكَلِمَةِ مِنْ رِضْوَانِ اللَّهِ لاَ يُلْقِي لَهَا بَالاً، يَرْفَعُ اللَّهُ بِهَا دَرَجَاتٍ، وَإِنَّ الْعَبْدَ لَيَتَكَلَّمُ بِالْكَلِمَةِ مِنْ سَخَطِ اللَّهِ لاَ يُلْقِي لَهَا بَالاً يَهْوِي بِهَا فِي جَهَنَّمَ ‏"

“A slave (of Allah) may utter a word which pleases Allah, without giving it much importance, and because of that Allah will raise him to degrees (in Paradise):

(yet also,) a slave (of Allah) may utter a word (carelessly) which displeases Allah, without thinking of its seriousness, and because of that he will be thrown into the Hell-Fire." (Narrated by Al-Bukhari)

Unlike annual performance appraisals, however, when it comes to the ‘spoiler deeds’, there is a major difference:

For annual appraisals, that’s it: what’s done is done - That black spot has left a mark in the eyes of the bosses, the bad result is cast in stone, and redemption is beyond hope.

But for the sinner in the sight of Allah, no matter how evil a state a person is in, the doors of repentance are always open – if only we take the step to sincerely turn to Him. And if we do, all bad records are wiped away clean.

And just like the case of annual performance appraisals, there are some good deeds that can propel us in the highest ranks in Paradise. Perhaps we may do ONE good deed which we consider insignificant – a small deed which may even seem trivial to some. But because of the sincerity we have, the determination, the faith – perhaps that one *small* deed may be the one that tilts the scales of deeds completely and earns us in the highest ranks in Paradise.

After all, the Prophet narrated to us a story of a man who earned the forgiveness of Allah, simply out of the sincere deed and effort of helping a dog in thirst. What matters is the quality of our deeds – not the quantity.

The Prophet Muhammad (صلى الله عليه وسلم) said:

"‏ بَيْنَا رَجُلٌ بِطَرِيقٍ، اشْتَدَّ عَلَيْهِ الْعَطَشُ فَوَجَدَ بِئْرًا فَنَزَلَ فِيهَا فَشَرِبَ، ثُمَّ خَرَجَ، فَإِذَا كَلْبٌ يَلْهَثُ يَأْكُلُ الثَّرَى مِنَ الْعَطَشِ، فَقَالَ الرَّجُلُ لَقَدْ بَلَغَ هَذَا الْكَلْبَ مِنَ الْعَطَشِ مِثْلُ الَّذِي كَانَ بَلَغَ مِنِّي، فَنَزَلَ الْبِئْرَ، فَمَلأَ خُفَّهُ مَاءً، فَسَقَى الْكَلْبَ، فَشَكَرَ اللَّهُ لَهُ، فَغَفَرَ لَهُ ‏"‏‏.‏ قَالُوا يَا رَسُولَ اللَّهِ وَإِنَّ لَنَا فِي الْبَهَائِمِ لأَجْرًا فَقَالَ ‏"‏ فِي كُلِّ ذَاتِ كَبِدٍ رَطْبَةٍ أَجْرٌ ‏"‏‏

"‏A man felt very thirsty while he was travelling, when he came across a well. He went down the well, quenched his thirst and came out.

Meanwhile he saw a dog panting and licking mud because of excessive thirst. He said to himself, "This dog is suffering from thirst as I did."

So, he went down the well again and filled his shoe with water and watered it.

Allah thanked him for that deed and forgave him (of his sins).

The people said, "O Allah's Messenger (صلى الله عليه وسلم)! Is there a reward for us in serving the animals?"

He replied: "Yes, there is a reward for serving any animate (living being)."

(Narrated by Al-Bukhari)

The Best Kind of Employees, the Best kind of Character

After years of going through performance appraisals, it becomes more and more apparent that the most valuble human resource assets, the best of people: aren’t necessarily the smartest, most intelligent or even the most experienced.

Because you do have brilliant, intelligent and experienced individuals who are arrogant, uncooperative, condescending, self-centered, refuse to teach and/or do not add value. At the same time, you have bright and young individuals who, while relatively less competent, obtain much greater achievements than others more senior or more experienced, demonstrating significant mileage to those years. Sometimes, those who excel at their jobs are the ones who got relatively lower scores in uni. And the ones with great attitude – the more their experience, the better they get.

Clearly the most important characteristic in human beings in all jobs everywhere: is attitude – those who are proactive, willing to learn, constantly challenging themselves to succeed, love teaching and coaching others, persistent and disciplined in achieving their goals, those who admit mistakes for continuous progression, etc. – they produce quality work and add value to their surroundings.

Ironically, these traits of great attitude are not taught in university or in default school syllabuses, these are not things which most parents don’t tell their children to develop, and in fact, most of the time, not the main things which are sought after during HR Recruitment either – the emphasis is on scores, exams and certificates.

Our focus in developing people – especially the youth – should be attitude, sincerity and good character.

The same holds true for adherents of religion – the best of people who create the best quality deeds, aren’t necessarily the ones with the most knowledge, or the most experienced ones. Sometimes those with knowledge and experience are guilty of arrogance and poor character.

The ones with the best of good deeds are the ones who are driven with sincerity, with the best attitude and best character: which pretty much sums the meaning of good “akhlaq”. And that is why the Prophet Muhammad (صلى الله عليه وسلم) said:

‏"‏ إِنَّ مِنْ أَحَبِّكُمْ إِلَىَّ وَأَقْرَبِكُمْ مِنِّي مَجْلِسًا يَوْمَ الْقِيَامَةِ أَحَاسِنَكُمْ أَخْلاَقًا وَإِنَّ أَبْغَضَكُمْ إِلَىَّ وَأَبْعَدَكُمْ مِنِّي مَجْلِسًا يَوْمَ الْقِيَامَةِ الثَّرْثَارُونَ وَالْمُتَشَدِّقُونَ وَالْمُتَفَيْهِقُونَ ‏"‏ ‏.‏ قَالُوا يَا رَسُولَ اللَّهِ قَدْ عَلِمْنَا الثَّرْثَارُونَ وَالْمُتَشَدِّقُونَ فَمَا الْمُتَفَيْهِقُونَ قَالَ ‏"‏ الْمُتَكَبِّرُونَ ‏"‏

"The most beloved to me and the closest to me on the Day of Resurrection will be those of you who have the best akhlaq (character/attitude).

And the most hateful to me and the furthest from me on the Day of Resurrection will be the prattlers (those who talk foolishly), boasters and the arrogant ones”

(Narrated by at-Tirmidzi, graded hasan)

And just like “work experience”, it is only those with good character who will produce quality good deeds, and it is only these kind of people of whom long life (i.e. “experience”) will be a continuous blessing for them. The Prophet (صلى الله عليه وسلم) said:

“The best of people is he whose life is long, and his deeds are good;

While the worst of people is he whose life is long and his deeds are evil” (Narrated by At-Tirmidzi, graded hasan)

It’s easy to see how the matter of good akhlaq isn’t just a matter of achieving success in this world – at our office, in our studies, etc – it is also the means of success Hereafter. Let us not forget the holistic objective that God sent Messengers to humankind; the Prophet said:

“Verily, I have only been sent to perfect good akhlaq” (Narrated in Muwata imam Malik)

So let’s put in the serious effort to improve our akhlaq, and work towards planting the seeds of good akhlaq in the future leaders – our youth.

May Allah make us amongst those with the best of Akhlaq, and those who live a long life of righteousness. Amin

Hati-hati – Skim Penipuan “Bertuah”

Baru-baru ini, saya bersama isteri dihampiri dengan skim penipuan yang agak handal, di Giant@Permyjaya (Miri). Ingin saya berkongsi agar dapat memberi amaran dan nasihat untuk para sahabat agar tidak tertipu dengan skim yang dirancang dengan sangat teliti ini, kerana skim ini susah untuk ‘ditangkap’.

Sebaik sahaja kami habis membeli belah di Giant, selepas keluar juruwang, kami didatangi oleh dua orang berbangsa Cina, memberi satu kupon kepada saya dan mengkhabarkan tahniah atas mendapat “Free Gift”, dan menyuruh kami untuk menuntut “Free Gift” tersebut di gerai mereka di perkarangan luar Giant. Berulangkali mereka mengesyorkan saya “tidak perlu beli apa-apa”.

Pemerhatian #1 - kupon “Free Gift” ini dalam keadaan renyuk, seolah-olah sudah banyak kali digunakan. Hairan – kalau free gift ni untuk saya, apahal recycle kupon-kupon free gift yang lepas?

OK, takpe, sik hal, jom kita layan cerita dia – apa dia nak kasi. Barang free, aku ok saja. Setelah sampai di gerai mereka, berulang kali mereka menerangkan “tak perlu beli apa-apa” mereka berkata mereka adalah satu syarikat yang baru ‘akan buka kedai di mall ini pada Bulan satu akan datang’, jadi mereka membuat promosi di perkarangan luar Giant buat sementara waktu.

Pemerhatian #2 – ternyata, mereka ini adalah jurujual, tetapi mereka tidak pernah menyebut nama syarikat.

Mereka terus mengeluarkan katalog jualan dan menerangkan produk-produk mereka – sistem penapis air, pencuci vakum, perkakas dapur – kesemuanya harga RM 3,000 ke atas. Sebelum mereka panjang bercerita, saya terus mencelah, “Eh, kejap. Tadi kata nak bagi free gift – mana?”

Pemerhatian #3 – semua barang mahal-mahal. Tapi sebab kita nak cepat, nak free gift, nak balik, kita pun tak sedar untuk persoalkan harga dahsyat barangan ini.


Mereka mengeluarkan dua kupon untuk saya, dan menyuruh saya koyakkan baucer tersebut untuk mengetahui ‘hadiah misteri’ dalam baucer; semua pelanggan akan dapat hadiah secara ‘rawak’. Dia menunjukkan Free Gift yang ditawarkan – jumlah 6 jenis hadiah : baucer diskaun RM50, RM100, ‘free gift’ kuali dan diskaun RM100, etc.
“Ah, koyak lah”.
Sebaik sahaja saya koyakkan baucer kedua, keluar satu baucer yang –jeng jeng jeng – TIADA dalam katalog tersebut – ada gambar pencuci vakum, set pinggan mangkuk, dan “RM100 off”: WOW - free gift yang hebat!
Jurujual berbangsa Cina ini tiba-tiba muka keliru. Dia kata, “wah, ini baucer saya tidak pernah Nampak wo”. Dia bertanya kepada rakan-rakan jurujual dia yang lain, “eh, kalau baucer ini macam, macam mana?” Kesemua jurujual muka terpinga-pinga. Hairan. Wow, bertuahnya.
Jurujual itu kata, selalunya free gift dapat setakat kuali, mangkuk, etc – tapi dapat dua free gift vakum dan set pinggan mangkuk – tak pernah dia lihat, macam ada lain macam. Dia suruh saya tunggu sekejap, dia nak telefon “boss” dia untuk sahkan adakah tawaran ni betul ke tak? Macam “too good to be true” bah.
Dia terus tanya saya “eh, you pernah dapat offer ni kah? You ada kenal saya kah?” Saya pun kata “tidak”
 
Pemerhatian #4 – Mereka buat you rasa sangat bertuah kerana dapat sesuatu yang ‘ajaib’ dan ‘tidak pernah di dengari’.

Jurujual tadi menelefon boss dia dan menerangkan “situasi ajaib” ini. Brader ni kata kepada boss dia “saya tidak tahu wo, saya tidak kenal ini orang – first time jumpa”, dia terus kata kepada saya “You takde kenal sama saya kan?”. Masih dengan muka keliru, dia menyerahkan telefon bimbit dia kepada saya, dan berkata “boss saya mau cakap dengan you”.
Saya pun ambil telefon dia, tengok nama di telefon dia adalah “Mira” – oh okay, Melayu. Cik Mira ni tanya saya macam-macam soalan untuk mengesahkan yang saya ni bukan ‘orang dalam’, dan saya tidak kenal staff dia.
Pemerhatian #5 – Kenapa skeptikal sangat? Nak buat saya rasa bersalah? Jurujual Cina berumur 40-an bekerja dengan boss Perempuan Melayu? Hmm.

Dia menyuruh saya membaca nombor siri dalam baucer “free gift” tadi. Selepas membacanya, dia terdiam sebentar, seolah-olah menyemak rekod. Kemudian dia berkata “ok, cik – cik sebenarnya dapat cabutan yang sangat bertuah – sempena ulang tahun syarikat kami, kami menawarkan lima belas (15) keping baucer di seluruh Malaysia, macam yang encik dapat tadi – dan encik adalah orang kelapan untuk mendapat baucer ini. Jadi cik berhak mendapat dua free gift – satu set pinggan mangkuk dan pencuci vakum air jenama EWAY GERMANY dan FUJISON. Boleh tolong pass telefon kepada staff saya?”

Pemerhatian #6 – kakitangan tidak diberitahu tentang promosi besar ulang tahun syarikat? Boss pula suara suara seakan-akan hairan? Kenapa hairan kalau ada lima belas?
Pemerhatian #7 – teruskan lagi buat you rasa best, masih tidak menyebut nama syarikat. Dalam baucer, dalam kupon, dalam katalog – kesemuanya tidak nyatakan nama syarikat.
Staff tersebut bercakap-cakap atas telefon bimbitnya, masih dalam nada terkejut, dia berkata kepada boss dia, “wah betul ah? Saya bagi dia ah, nanti jangan potong gaji saya ah”.

Kemudian dia berkata kepada saya, “OK boss, ini macam, jadi maksud baucer ini, encik dapat dua free gift ni – vakum cleaner air bernilai RM 3,000, dan set cookware ini bernilai RM3,000, serta potongan RM100 untuk salah satu produk barangan kami”.
Pendek cerita, rupa-rupanya, kena beli barangan dia, dapat “diskaun RM100” baru dapat barangan-barangan percuma ini.
Ternyata, barang-barang dalam katalog mereka kesemuanya berharga RM 3,000 ke atas. Dia cuba meyakinkan saya, dengan membeli barangan ini dengan harta RM 3,000++, saya akan dapat dua barangan percuma bernilai lebih daripada RM 6,000.
Pemerhatian #8 – lihat mainan psikologi di sini : barangkali kita terlalu dibutakan dengan free gift tadi, sehingga kita tidak perasan harga mahal – RM3,000 untuk microwave, RM 3,000 untuk penapis air? RM3,000 untuk vakum cleaner?
Sebelum dapat berfikir panjang, mereka terus mengeluarkan ‘free gift’ yang dijanjikan tadi – depan mata kita. Sedia untuk diangkut ke dalam kereta.

Pemerhatian #9 – itulah satu-satunya stok yang ada di gerai tersebut – jenama E-WAY GERMANY dan FUJISON seperti yang dinyatakan. Mungkin boleh terlintas di fikiran - “bertuah saya”. Tapi ternyata, kotak yang mengandungi barang tersebut kelihatan agak lama, bukan seperti produk baru. 

Mereka kata tawaran free gift hanya sah kalau urusniaga diselesaikan sekarang juga; tak boleh datang kemudian… ‘memaksa’ kita untuk membuat keputusan pada waktu tersebut.
Pemerhatian #10 – tak bagi kita masa berfikir. “Take the free gift offer or leave it”, mungkin di fikiran kita.
Dia menyuruh saya memberikan butiran peribadi, termasuk alamat rumah, agar mereka dapat “menghantar technician untuk datang kalau-kalau perlu baiki peralatan jika rosak – ada warranty 3 tahun”.
Pemerhatian #10 – wah, sungguh-sungguh nak repair barang rosak. “Terasa Best”. 

Pada ketika ini, ternyata ada dua kemungkinan –

1) saya SANGAT bertuah

2) ini adalah satu skim penipuan yang dilakonkan dengan hebat : mereka sebenarnya menjual barang-barang murah, tetapi menipu nilai barangan mereka – skim yang sangat-sangat teliti dirancang, dan dilaksanakan dengan sangat pintar, siap dengan baucer-baucer palsu yang lengkap dengan nombor siri, siap dengan kakitangan siap sedia atas talian.


Saya menolak tawaran mereka dan pulang untuk selidik dengan lebih teliti tentang isu ini.


Ternyata, selepas selidik online, apabila search di google “eway Germany fujison”, eureka! Pelbagai blog peribadi yang menceritakan kes penipuan yang sama!
Memang ramai orang sudah tertipu dengan skim ini, menggunakan modus operandi yang sama: skrip yang sama (e.g. “wah, saya tidak pernah tahu ada baucer sebegini”, “ada tawaran istimewa”), lakonan yang sama hebat, promosi yang hebat: semua pelanggan bertuah belaka.

Mangsa-mangsa yang ditipu dan membeli produk mereka kesemuanya memberi aduan tentang produk kualiti rendah dan cepat rosak, dan langsung tidak seperti yang dikhabarkan.

Con artist ini, mereka sentiasa menukar-nukar nama syarikat dan beroperasi di tempat lain-lain bawah nama syarikat lain. Sebab itu tidak dipromosikan nama syarikat : mereka akan guna kupon/skim sama, berubah-ubah nama di tempat lain-lain.


The Art of Elaborate Deception

Apa yang membuat skim ini lebih bahaya daripada skim penipuan yang lain :

1. Dari segi undang-undang, mereka berani untuk berniaga secara terang-terangan di kompleks membeli belah, kerana mereka tidak melakukan ‘jenayah’ di sisi undang-undang – mereka hanya membuat sedikit lakonan dan meletakkan harga mahal pada barangan murah, dan membuat kita terasa seolah—olah membayar dengan sedikit untuk dapatkan barangan-barangan mahal.
Kalau kita terbeli, maka itu adalah persetujuan harga antara penjual dan pembeli – urusniaga yang sah di sisi undang-undang. Kalau dilaporkan kepada Polis, tidak ada bukti yang boleh menunjukkan mereka menipu. (Atau ada…? Mohon komen/cadangan bagaimana dapat kita basmikan masalah ini!)

2. Hebat teknik-teknik psikologi mereka untuk menjerat pelanggan – konsisten memberikan gambaran pelanggan sangat bertuah dan membuat mereka rasa bertuah; sedangkan sebenarnya ia adalah lakonan semata-mata dari saat pertama.

3. Mereka meminta alamat rumah untuk servis barangan mereka – sebenarnya mereka ingin rekod di mana tempat tinggal kita – kalau tak bayar, mcm mana? Along?

4. Bila ditawarkan dengan barangan percuma (e.g. pencuci vakum “Eway Germany”, set Cookware “Fujison”), kita selalu cuai dan tidak peduli untuk memeriksa sppesifikasi produk tersebut percuma kan, ambik saja lah? Sedangkan barangan tersebut mungkin nilai sangat murah /tidak berkualiti, dan harga RM3,000++ yang akan kita bayar tu jauh lebih mahal daripada harga pasaran sebenar.

Mohon disebarkan kepada sahabat-sahabat dan keluarga, agar kita dilindungi daripada segala bentuk penipuan sebegini.

Kalau ada bertemu dengan orang Islam yang terlibat dalam skim ini yang tergamak menipu orang yang lain, walaupun anda seorang non-Muslim, silalah sound dan nasihat mereka – bertaqwa lah kepada Allah. Jangan guna 'loophole' undang-undang untuk menzalimi harta orang lain, janganlah sia-siakan pahala sendiri, rosak keputusan di Akhirat.

Tiada barakah dalam rezeki yang diambil daripada penipuan. Semoga Allah membalas dengan setimpal, dan membantu mereka yang terjerat dalam skim ini, dan melindungi kita daripada segala bentul penipuan.
Amin.

Causes which most people enter Paradise, and causes which most people enter Hellfire

The Prophet Muhammad (صلى الله عليه و سلم)  was asked, what are the deeds are the greatest cause for people to enter Paradise. He said,
“تَقْوَى اللَّهِ وَحُسْنُ الْخُلُقِ”
“Taqwa (consciousness/fear/love) of Allah and good character”

He was then asked, which deeds are the greatest cause for people to enter into Hellfire. He answered,
“الْفَمُ وَالْفَرْجُ”
“The mouth and the private parts”
(Narrated by At-Tirmidzi, graded sahih)

A beautiful narration to emphasize the importance of good character. Sometimes we get so caught up in the rituals that we forget “the big picture” - that the whole objective of the ritual deeds are in fact to perfect good character.
The true product of Taqwa (righteousness, from consciousness/fear/love of Allah) is made visible through good character.

And if you contrast this to the greatest cause of people to enter Hell – their mouths – through their foul speech, backbiting, gossiping, swearing, making fun of, insulting and scorning upon others – it’s easy to just have a ‘slip of the tongue’ and absorb ourselves in these conversations - in our water cooler talks, in our political discussions, in our whatsapp conversations... la hawla wala quwata illa billah.

The Messenger mentioned “private parts”; this doesn’t just cover the act of zina (adultery/fornication) itself, it covers all the deeds people do as a result of their desires. People do the ugliest and the worst of things when they act upon their desires – what they see, what they download, what they search, what they say to others of the opposite gender, what elaborate schemes they have : sometimes destroying families and consuming their morality.
Allah created all human beings with desire, and it is from our taqwa and the strength of character that we suppress it and only channel to the ways in which is Halal and Pleasing to Allah.

May Allah make us amongst those with taqwa and of good character, and may He protect us from the evil we commit from our tongue, and from our desires. Amin.