When a teenager treats you like trash: The Most Impactful, Difficult Experience of 2017

Alhamdulillah 2017 has come to an end. For most people, myself included, if they are asked to list out the most impactful and meaningful experiences throughout the year, it will most likely be a list of achievements, pleasant surprises, perhaps reunions with friends or family, perhaps an exciting vacation, and so on.

And wAlhamdulillah, no doubt Allah has been Gracious to us and we have indeed had our fair share of those.

But if I were to single out ONE experience that had the most IMPACT to me as a person – that experience is an unpleasant, in fact rather nasty one: when a 19-year old kid verbally abused me and humiliated me in a public masjid. 

While it might seem like a grim and rather bleak choice, in hindsight, objectively speaking, it was the one that had the most impact and effect on me as a human being – that had a deep and profound impact to my character and realization of myself as a person, shaped my perception on people, offered new perspective on other people’s perception.

This happened in June 2017, towards the end of Ramadhan – when out of nowhere, this unknown person started to attack me, hurling relentless insults at my character, accusing me of being a deviant, calling me names like Wahabi and making all sorts of derogatory remarks on my personal Facebook page, and also one of our Facebook group pages.

The surprising thing was, when I looked at his Facebook profile, I recognized him – it was a teenage boy who I frequently saw at the masjid, always together with the brothers and uncles of the Jamaah Tabligh. While I’ve never spoken to him before, I always had a respect for him and held him in high regard, as a person his age to frequently pray at the masjid when many peers at his age wouldn’t even pray.

Which was kind of a shock to me that, despite never having a conversation with me, he decides to break the ice by literally burning down the relationship bridges – and decides to do it as a keyboard warrior on social media, instead of being honest and upfront about it face-to-face like a civilized man.

As I was in a state of shock, I knew that I had to think long and hard before I posted a reply, and not just blast out an emotional defensive response. I have always held to the personal principle that social media is not a platform for debate or argument; to use it wisely and for benefit of others. Restraining your emotions is a lot more difficult than releasing them, and indeed there is great strength and virtue in restraint. Prophet Muhammad ﷺ said :

لَيْسَ الشَّدِيدُ بِالصُّرَعَةِ، إِنَّمَا الشَّدِيدُ الَّذِي يَمْلِكُ نَفْسَهُ عِنْدَ الْغَضَبِ

"The strong is not the one who overcomes the people by his strength, but the (truly) strong is the one who controls himself while in anger." 

(Narrated by Al-Bukhari and Muslim)

.. And this was when my principles were being put to the test. In spite of the clear impoliteness and insolence shown, Allah granted me strength in me to give him the benefit of doubt that “perhaps he has the wrong person”, or is in some kind of misunderstanding.

And wAlhamdulillah – in spite of the shock and burning rage – I responded professionally, giving him salams, and politely asking him can we meet up to discuss face-to-face at the Masjid after Fajr (subuh / dawn prayers) the following day, and resolve any misunderstanding – and that Facebook is only a medium of communication. He responded rudely, saying he will bring his “ustaz” to defeat me and refute MY “misunderstanding”, etc, to which I simply replied “Insha Allah =)” with a smiley emoticon

(side meta-note : thank God for emoticons, my actual face and state of mind was furious).

It bothered and disturbed me the entire night, but Alhamdulillah it gave me time to reflect back and think about the kind of potential attacks he might hurl at me, and to prepare accordingly on how I can respond in a wise manner.

I prayed Fajr at the masjid the following morning, and as I was sitting quietly to myself reciting the morning dzikir, after most of the congregation had dispersed, a small boy – around 5-6 years old – came up to me and says “so-and-so wants you to go and see him”.

Now, it is kind of insulting for a teenager to act like a CEO or king, pick a fight with someone, and send a 5-year old bold to summon a 33-year old man who is quietly minding his own business in worship at the masjid.

I simply replied to the boy, “if he wants to see me, he can come here as we promised”.

The 19-year old eventually came. I gave him salams, introduced myself – and the conversation started: he opened fire on all cylinders.

The boy was arrogant, insolent and emotional, calling me names, attacking my character, insulting my friends, hurling baseless accusations at me, accusing me for things I did not do, judging me for things that OTHER people do, etcetera.

I have never been insulted by any other grown up adult – let alone an ignorant boy – in such a manner, not even at the office. 

I will spare the details but in summary :  I swear by Allah, it was the most hostile, prejudiced, biased, and aggressive conversation I have experienced against me in my whole life.

Mind you, this was in a masjid towards the end of Ramadhan – among the most beloved and blessed places to Allah, during the most beloved and blessed times of the year.

Nevertheless I am glad that Allah Guided me to respond well, for the most part. At the end of the 90-minute ‘conversation’ (or should I call it merciless onslaught), he simply lashed out at me and rudely stormed out.

Alhamdulillah ‘ala kulli Hal, he deleted his derogatory comments on my Facebook. And a few days later, QaddarAllah, just so happen he prayed beside me for Maghrib, wherein after that he apologized to me, and since he did that, I choose to conceal his identity and keep this between me, him and Allah – and only the few close family and friends I consulted – and I am not going to question his “intentions” behind it.

Here are the reasons why this encounter was the most “Impactful” Experience of the 2017 –

1. A HUMBLING EXPERIENCE

Whenever I narrate this incident in detail to the few people close to me, most of them feel enraged at the kind of disrespect this teenage kid had towards me, and how much of a humiliating scenario it was, especially at a public place at the masjid – in one of the houses of Allah.

But when we reflect back at the life of the Prophet Muhammad ﷺ, he was treated with far worse – in fact, the worst levels of disrespect or disgrace faced by a human being. And it wasn’t a one-off incident, either – it happened on multiple occasions from many different people in different levels of society. One of the worst incidents was the incident at Ta’if – when he called the people to worship one God. The leaders not only rejected him, but they dishonored him in front of the masses, and incited the little children to throw stones at him and drive him away like a lowly animal, subhanAllah – until his feet were bleeding and blood started to gel on his sandals.

And yet, when the angel Jibril came and appeared to him, he offered to him,

“إِنَّ اللَّهَ قَدْ سَمِعَ قَوْلَ قَوْمِكَ لَكَ وَمَا رَدُّوا عَلَيْكَ، وَقَدْ بَعَثَ إِلَيْكَ مَلَكَ الْجِبَالِ لِتَأْمُرَهُ بِمَا شِئْتَ فِيهِمْ، فَنَادَانِي مَلَكُ الْجِبَالِ، فَسَلَّمَ عَلَىَّ ثُمَّ قَالَ يَا مُحَمَّدُ، فَقَالَ ذَلِكَ فِيمَا شِئْتَ، إِنْ شِئْتَ أَنْ أُطْبِقَ عَلَيْهِمِ الأَخْشَبَيْنِ”

'Allah has heard your people's saying to you, and what they have replied back to you, Allah has sent the Angel of the Mountains to you so that you may order him to do whatever you wish to these people.'

The Angel of the Mountains called and greeted me, and then said, "O Muhammad! Order what you wish. If you like, I will let Al-Akh-Shabain (i.e. two mountains) fall on them (and destroy them)."

Prophet Muhammad’s response was

 بَلْ أَرْجُو أَنْ يُخْرِجَ اللَّهُ مِنْ أَصْلاَبِهِمْ مَنْ يَعْبُدُ اللَّهَ وَحْدَهُ لاَ يُشْرِكُ بِهِ شَيْئًا 

 "No.. instead, I hope that Allah will let them have CHILDREN – the future generations – who will worship Allah Alone, and will worship None besides Him." 

(Narrated by Al-Bukhari and Muslim)

This was peak levels of mercy, optimism and patience in a person. Look at the context of this incident – here was a 60-year old man, the most honourable human being in the sight of Allah, carrying the most honourable mission to invite mankind to worship God Alone without Associating partners with Him, humiliated by little children pelting stones at him, he had all the right in the world to exact revenge without consequence.

And who am I to think that I “deserve” respect from a foolish 19-year old boy who simply acted on his emotions based on others’ slanderous prejudice?

The Prophet said,

 وَمَا تَوَاضَعَ أَحَدٌ لِلَّهِ إِلاَّ رَفَعَهُ اللَّهُ

“..and the one who shows humility, Allah raises him (in rank, in His Sights).” (Narrated by Muslim)

Taking a step back as well, it was a powerful reminder on humility as a whole, and a reminder regarding the Prophet Muhammad ﷺ as the prime example of humbleness and the undefeatable benchmark amongst mankind. Despite being the leader of Arabia, having access to all the riches in his national treasury and the armies of the land at his feet, he consistently demonstrated a deliberate decision to live a simple, unassuming life

-       Disbelievers would attack him and he would still patiently listen and endure their verbal abuse

-       Even an old woman by the street would grab him to help her to do her simple chores, and he would not refuse nor assign his subordinates instead

-       A rude bedouin man would demand to take the Prophet’s personal belongings, literally even the clothes on his back, and he would not refuse

-       He would be on the ground with his companions to do the ‘dirty work’ – to the extent of sometimes himself starving even more than the poorest of companions

-       He would sit by his gatherings and be unrecognizable from the others – he never wore special or distinct clothing from the rest.

..And countless other examples.

 لَقَدْ كَانَ لَكُمْ فِي رَسُولِ اللَّـهِ أُسْوَةٌ حَسَنَةٌ لِمَنْ كَانَ يَرْجُو اللَّـهَ وَالْيَوْمَ الْآخِرَ وَذَكَرَ اللَّـهَ كَثِيرًا

“There has certainly been for you an example in the Messenger of Allah, for those who hope in Allah and the Last Day and Remember Him much” (Qur’an surah al-Ahzab, verse 21)

2. CHARACTER DEVELOPMENT

Every argument is a learning process, that I personally use to evaluate my own character, identifying room for improvement and enhancement, and mentally preparing myself for similar incidents that may happen in the future.

Perhaps this is one wisdom behind why the Prophet Muhammad ﷺ said,

إِنَّ الْمُسْلِمَ إِذَا كَانَ مُخَالِطًا النَّاسَ وَيَصْبِرُ عَلَى أَذَاهُمْ خَيْرٌ مِنَ الْمُسْلِمِ الَّذِي لاَ يُخَالِطُ النَّاسَ وَلاَ يَصْبِرُ عَلَى أَذَاهُمْ

“Indeed when the Muslim mixes with the people and he is patient with their harm, he is better than the Muslim who does not mix with the people and is not patient with their harm.'"

(HR At-Tirmidzi, dinilai sahih oleh Al-Albani)

While I have had my fair share of heated arguments at the workplace, it is important to note that the nature of argument is completely different. In a professional environment, as high as the emotions run, the goal is often to come to an agreement to fulfill an organizational vision together. But when you’re dealing with an immature, ignorant, teenage hothead filled with hatred – it’s a different beast entirely. The person isn’t looking for answers, clarification or the truth – that person is out for blood.

When taking into perspective the following hadith, this incident was indeed my very own personal strength test – the Prophet Muhammad ﷺ said:

 لَيْسَ الشَّدِيدُ بِالصُّرَعَةِ، إِنَّمَا الشَّدِيدُ الَّذِي يَمْلِكُ نَفْسَهُ عِنْدَ الْغَضَبِ

“The strong person is not the one who overcomes others by his physical strength,

Rather, the (truly) strong person is the one who controls himself in a state of anger” (Narrated by Al-Bukhari and Muslim)

The repeated verbal abuse I endured was one that put my restraint willpower to the test. As demonstrated throughout the life of the Prophet Muhammad ﷺ who dealt with countless more insolent antagonistic disbelievers, it taught us that dealing with these kinds of people requires a different kind of skill – you can’t fight fire with fire, that will only make things worse. Instead, either keep silent, or for the one with true strength in character such as the Prophet: to respond with kindness, as Allah said in the Qur’an :

وَلَا تَسْتَوِي الْحَسَنَةُ وَلَا السَّيِّئَةُ  ۚ ادْفَعْ بِالَّتِي هِيَ أَحْسَنُ فَإِذَا الَّذِي بَيْنَكَ وَبَيْنَهُ عَدَاوَةٌ كَأَنَّهُ وَلِيٌّ حَمِيمٌ 

“The good deed is not equal to the evil deed – repel the evil deed with what is best,

And then (if you do so, you will find that) the one with whom you had harbored enmity will be as though he is your close friend!” (Qur’an, Surah Fussilat, verse 34)

And we indeed see throughout the lifetime of the Prophet he did indeed displayed this behavior – and many of his sworn enemies eventually became his closest friend – one such person is Thumamah bin Uthal Al-Hanafi, who said,

 يَا مُحَمَّدُ وَاللَّهِ مَا كَانَ عَلَى الأَرْضِ وَجْهٌ أَبْغَضَ إِلَىَّ مِنْ وَجْهِكَ فَقَدْ أَصْبَحَ وَجْهُكَ أَحَبَّ الْوُجُوهِ كُلِّهَا إِلَىَّ 

“O Muhammad! I Swear by Allah, there was no face on this Earth who was more hated to me than your face, but now your face has become the most beloved of all faces to me” (Narrated by Ibnu Majah, graded sahih)

But of course, let’s be honest: this is NOT an easy task to achieve – which is why Allah mentioned in the following verse after above,

وَمَا يُلَقَّاهَا إِلَّا الَّذِينَ صَبَرُوا وَمَا يُلَقَّاهَا إِلَّا ذُو حَظٍّ عَظِيمٍ

“And none is granted it except the one who is (truly) patient, and none is granted, except he is granted a great portion (of reward)” (Surah Fussilat, verse 35)

And alhamdulillah, since I had time to prepare, for the most part I responded calmly and well. But of course, naturally when your temper meter is constantly being challenged, it’s bound to trip over it once in a while, and unfortunately there are times when I lost my cool and I wished I responded differently.

When the verbal abuse ended and as the boy arrogantly stormed out, I spent many days contemplating back at the things that were said to me, and the things I said in response. And as the saying goes, “hindsight is 20-20” – when you look back it’s always clear what you should have done differently instead; and having dealt with this kind of character.

And to be completely fair and objective, although 99% of the accusations were baseless personal slander against me, there were one or two genuine constructive feedbacks, which I take positively to be implemented.

One very important thing to note is, sometimes (or in this case, many times), silence is the best response. When we are under attack, due to the emotional state we are in, there is a tendency that we will respond in an inappropriate manner, and might end up saying the wrong things, transgressing acceptable boundaries, and end up saying things we might regret. And then we have to go through the painstaking process of apologizing, withdrawing what we have said, or making corrections.

There is a powerful quote by Imam Ash-Shafi’ee who once said,

قل بما شئت في مسبة عرضي, فسكوتي عن اللئيم جواب

“Say what you wish in abuse of me, For my silence towards the idiot is indeed an answer.

 أنا عادم الجواب ولكن,  ما من الأسد أن تجيب الكلاب

I am not at a loss for a response, but rather,It does not befit the lion to answer the dogs”

So having gone through this experience opened up my eyes and made me more mentally prepared for future arguments, should similar situations appear again. Two hadiths which I personally always hold on to as driving principles in improving my character,

أَنَا زَعِيمٌ بِبَيْتٍ فِي رَبَضِ الْجَنَّةِ لِمَنْ تَرَكَ الْمِرَاءَ وَإِنْ كَانَ مُحِقًّا وَبِبَيْتٍ فِي وَسَطِ الْجَنَّةِ لِمَنْ تَرَكَ الْكَذِبَ وَإِنْ كَانَ مَازِحًا وَبِبَيْتٍ فِي أَعْلَى الْجَنَّةِ لِمَنْ حَسَّنَ خُلُقَهُ

“I guarantee a house in the surroundings of Paradise for a man who avoids quarrelling even if he was the right,

(I guarantee) a house in the middle of Paradise for a man who avoids lying even if he were joking,

And (I guarantee) a house in the higher part of Paradise for a man who beautifies his character”

(Narrated in Sunan Abi Daud, At-Tirmidzi and Ibnu Majah)

مَنْ كَانَ يُؤْمِنُ بِاللَّهِ وَالْيَوْمِ الآخِرِ فَلْيَقُلْ خَيْرًا أَوْ لِيَصْمُتْ

“Whomsoever believes in Allah and the Last Day,

Say what is good – or just keep quiet”

(Narrated by Al-Bukhari, Muslim and others)

3. UNDERSTANDING PEOPLE’S PERCEPTIONS

While this boy was narrating to me his accusations and insults, it was clear to me that these were not a product of his own observations and fabrication – it was collective feedback from others around him, people who were backbiting and slandering me behind my back, as he continuously quoted “they say”, and “my friend told me”.

For many days following the event, I was horrified by this sentiment, as this implied that the very people who I have been praying next to – people whom I considered brothers in faith and whom I held in high regard as Allah had guided them to be steadfast at praying at the masjid – all this time were perceiving me in such a negative light, and instead of clarifying it to me, choose to talk behind my back and slander me for things I did not go.

And it was only after this incident that I knew that apparently this isn’t an isolated ‘opinion’ – I have heard other (seemingly unconnected) people mention the same thing, accusing me of much worse, and yet none has ever sought clarification with me, instead poisoning the minds of the local community.

I have always tried my best to put on my best behaviour at the masjid and to treat others well, yet in spite of this, people chose to take the evil route of backbiting.

But the thing is, to be really objective and mature about the situation, I don’t know “WHO” were the ones backbiting against me. And I’m not about to act like a conspiracy theorist, being paranoid of others like a witch hunt, neither am I going to stereotype entire groups of people like the Jamaah Tabligh for doing that, in the same manner I hate it when people accuse “Islam” of being a bad religion and propagating bad teachings, just because they observe “Muslims” for negative behaviour.

It was a product of their own bad attitude, negative personal evils, and personal devils (Shaytan) inciting hatred in them, just as Prophet Ya’qub said to his son Yusuf, when he knew his other sons would conspire against Yusuf out of jealousy

قَالَ يَا بُنَيَّ لَا تَقْصُصْ رُؤْيَاكَ عَلَىٰ إِخْوَتِكَ فَيَكِيدُوا لَكَ كَيْدًا ۖ إِنَّ الشَّيْطَانَ لِلْإِنْسَانِ عَدُوٌّ مُبِينٌ

And Prophet Jacob (Ya’qub) said to his son Prophet Yusuf:

“O My son, do not tell relate your dream to your brothers, for they will conspire against you – verily, Shaytan is a plain enemy to man” (Qur’an surah Yusuf verse 5)

Just as the brothers of Yusuf, and in this case, the people at my local masjid, it was the Shaytan in them that would incite this hatred.

In a movie I remember watching many years ago as a kid, the main protagonis – and in a separate scene, his daughter – said,

“I trust everyone. It's the devil inside them I don't trust”. #Trivia #CanYouGuess

It was also at this point of sadness when Shaytan was playing tricks in my head, discouraging me from going to my local masjid and becoming a means to prevent me from acts of worship. And this is another danger I wanted to avoid : simply “giving up” whenever we get into negative situations. Leaving groups, not attending classes, avoiding people, stop going to a masjid, all because of our immaturity and weakness in succumbing to the temptations of shaytan to give up. I hated seeing this in another people, and I certainly did not want to be guilty of it myself.

Alas, as disappointing as it is, I continously ask Allah to grant me patience and seek His Reward in it, for indeed Allah will certainly recompense the one whom is a victim of backbiting and of slanders behind his back.

The Prophet Muhammad ﷺ defined who is the truly bankrupt person on the day of Judgment:

 إِنَّ الْمُفْلِسَ مِنْ أُمَّتِي يَأْتِي يَوْمَ الْقِيَامَةِ بِصَلاَةٍ وَصِيَامٍ وَزَكَاةٍ وَيَأْتِي قَدْ شَتَمَ هَذَا وَقَذَفَ هَذَا وَأَكَلَ مَالَ هَذَا وَسَفَكَ دَمَ هَذَا وَضَرَبَ هَذَا فَيُعْطَى هَذَا مِنْ حَسَنَاتِهِ وَهَذَا مِنْ حَسَنَاتِهِ فَإِنْ فَنِيَتْ حَسَنَاتُهُ قَبْلَ أَنْ يُقْضَى مَا عَلَيْهِ أُخِذَ مِنْ خَطَايَاهُمْ فَطُرِحَتْ عَلَيْهِ ثُمَّ طُرِحَ فِي النَّارِ

“The bankrupt of my nation would be he who would come on the Day of Resurrection with (their good deeds of) prayers, fasting and Zakat but (he would find himself bankrupt on that day as he would have exhausted his funds of virtues) since he hurled abuses upon others, brought slander against others and unlawfully consumed the wealth of others and shed the blood of others and beat others, and his good deeds would instead be given away to the account of one (who suffered at his hand).

And if his good deeds fall short to clear the account, then his sins would be entered in (his account) and he would be thrown in the Hell-Fire.” (Narrated by Muslim)

A fine illustration of this  was a story I remember in a lecture we attended many years ago; it was mentioned that Hasan Al-Basri (or in another narration, Imam Ash-Shafi’ee himself) once found out that a person was backbiting and slandering him behind his back. When he got to know of it, Hasan went over to his house and passed him a basket of fruits. The man was puzzled, and Hasan told him,

“I heard that you were backbiting against me – so here, please take these basket of fruits. I do not know how else to repay you for your good deeds”

#ResponseWin

#pwned

#GG

This story and the following verse of the Qur’an are powerful reminders to hold on to, especially in times such as these.

 وَلَا تَهِنُوا وَلَا تَحْزَنُوا وَأَنْتُمُ الْأَعْلَوْنَ إِنْ كُنْتُمْ مُؤْمِنِينَ

“So do not become weak, or grief – and you will become superior, if you are indeed (true) believers

(Qur’an, Surah Ali – Imran, verse 139)

4. TO BE CONSCIOUS AND MINDFUL OF OUR ACTIONS

Hearing from an antagonistic perspective, it was clear to me that there were certain actions which were deemed dislikeable to others, and would no doubt inadvertently shape a negative perception on us.

Although much of this perception can be ‘wrong’ or attribute to ignorance / lack of knowledge, it is better for us who DO know, to be mindful of our own actions and to take the more wiser choice of simply avoiding things which can be dislikeable to others.

Admittedly, this was not an easy thing to do – of course, I have my own stance on things and I am happy to clarify, but in understanding the nature of people around us, which do not seek clarification, this simply becomes a matter of swallowing our pride and living within the confines of tolerance and harmony to prevent discord and misunderstanding.

Having said that, of course, in the areas we cannot compromise, we still keep a firm stance and stand by our principles – but in the “optional” areas, we take the wiser the deicision to take simple liberties and blend in; and as stated by one of our teachers in the past, this is the true definition of “wisdom” (Hikmah) – knowing where, when, and how to apply knowledge. 

And also a similar important thing to note regarding perception, is that some actions are not befitting of a person of our stature – certain things we do or say may be wrongfully attributed to other parts of our life we represent – our family, organization we work for, organizations we are involved with, or perhaps our religion as a whole.

Whether we realize it or not, we are indirectly ambassadors to where we belong, and our actions might tarnish the image or reputation of any of the above, and it is upon us to take ownership to carry these representations with dignity and uphold their honor.

Now, like myself in the past, many of my Muslim brothers would argue differently, questioning: why do we have to bend by their rules and conform to their lack of knowledge?

An incident happened during the time of the Prophet Muhammad ﷺ, in which he was walking at night with his wife Safiyya bint Huyai. When two men of the Ansar saw the Prophet – in the darkness of the night, potentially not recognizing the woman walking together with the Prophet – the hurried away.

Why did they run away? Were they shy of the Prophet? DDid they want to avoid seeing the Prophet with this lady at night?

The Prophet then said to them, - عَلَى رِسْلِكُمَا إِنَّهَا صَفِيَّةُ بِنْتُ حُيَىٍّ – “Walk calmly! This is (my wife), Safiyyah bint Huyai”

The two Ansari companions were surprised and remarked, - سُبْحَانَ اللَّهِ يَا رَسُولَ اللَّهِ – “Glory be to Allah, oh Messenger of Allah!” indicating that they were shocked that the Prophet clarified, because they would never have a negative perception or harbor evil thoughts against the Prophet to be walking with a non-mahram strange woman in the middle of the night.

But listen to the response of the Prophet – he said,

إِنَّ الشَّيْطَانَ يَجْرِي مِنَ الإِنْسَانِ مَجْرَى الدَّمِ، وَإِنِّي خَشِيتُ أَنْ يَقْذِفَ فِي قُلُوبِكُمَا سُوءًا ـ أَوْ قَالَ ـ شَيْئًا ‏

“Verily, Shaytan run in the body of man like blood runs in the veins,

I was afraid that it (this sight) would instill any evil (thoughts) in your heart.”

(Narrated by Al-Bukhari, Muslim)

Now this hadith is a powerful lesson to us that even the Messenger of Allah would have to sometimes clarify his actions to ensure people don’t have a negative suspicion, and indirectly gave us a warning how – no thanks to the work of Satan – some sights may raise suspicion or evil thoughts in the eyes of others, despite it being absolutely normal action.

So this is how I learn my lesson, and to just avoid actions at the masjid and in the local community, which can potentially raise suspicion or negative perceptions.

But I emphasize again, where we cannot compromise, we don’t. This was the sunnah of the Prophet and our righteous predecessors, and this is the sunnah I choose to follow.

5. A SILVER LINING

Although I may sound now as if I didn’t take offence, as a human being naturally of course I was quite devastated after that shocking encounter – I genuinely felt sadness in my heart not only from the verbal abuse but the traumatic revelation that there are many people around me who perceive me in such negative light.

But one thing I was glad I did, was I kept it mainly to myself – I never exposed it on social media or other public groups. I only told a few family members and a few close friends to get their advice and point of view. Keeping mostly silent about certain events allows us to reflect, contemplate and derive lessons from them, as opposed to exposing it publicly, which in turn

1)     enrages our loved ones who may inadvertently fuel our anger further, perhaps even blind us from looking at the positive side of things, or

2)     could be just fishing for sympathy from others, which could in turn make us weaker; or

3)     could possibly incite speculation or hatred amongst others, and in the worst case could trigger fights between people; or,

4)     it could potentially hand over bullets to those who do hate us or have envy against us, for them to continue their attacks.

But 7 months later, I choose to share this right now with the intention that perhaps I can motivate and inspire others when they face similar difficult circumstances, and to look at the silver lining of things, and to derive the positive aspects of it all.

وَعَسَىٰ أَنْ تَكْرَهُوا شَيْئًا وَهُوَ خَيْرٌ لَكُمْ ۖ  وَعَسَىٰ أَنْ تُحِبُّوا شَيْئًا وَهُوَ شَرٌّ لَكُمْ ۗ وَاللَّـهُ يَعْلَمُ وَأَنْتُمْ لَا تَعْلَمُونَ

“Perhaps you might hate something when it is good for you,

And perhaps you might love something when in fact it is bad for you

Allah Knows but you do not know” (Qur’an Surah Al-Baqarah, verse 216)

Now having said that of course, I am in no way validating what that boy did. His actions are still no doubt sinful and an atrocious crime against a fellow Muslim brother.

But he came to me and apologized a few days later, I smiled and accepted his apology and I leave the matter between him and Allah.

It wasn’t an easy thing to do, but I always hold on to the powerful lessons of forgiveness as demonstrated in Surah Yusuf. If Prophet Yusuf – in spite of the heinous crimes of his brothers against him as a child, throwing him into the well, inadvertently forcing him into a life of slavery, eventually being accused of adultery and finally imprisoned until his adult years many years later – and later on finally, as the Minister of Egypt, now, having publicly met his brothers and having the complete upper hand and full power to exact revenge and punish them for their crimes, his response was :

قَالَ لَا تَثْرِيبَ عَلَيْكُمُ الْيَوْمَ ۖ يَغْفِرُ اللَّـهُ لَكُمْ ۖ وَهُوَ أَرْحَمُ الرَّاحِمِينَ 

“No blame will there be upon you on this day – may Allah forgive you.

And He is the Most Merciful of those who give mercy” (Surah Yusuf, verse 92)

Allahu Akbar.. what amazing level of forgiveness.

In conclusion, what is important to learn from this post is to gain wisdom in our every day events, and to find strength in turning those ever-so-sour lemons into the lemonade.

What people see on the surface is one thing – but only Allah knows what is truly underneath and how we choose to act with that we learn from the lessons in life.

May Allah forgive all our shortcomings, make us amongst those who continuously perfect our character and grant us with the highest levels of Paradise, and may Allah protect us from the evil of backbiting and dishonoring our fellow Muslims.

Being the Bearer of Bad News: Courage to Act

 

Out of all my job responsibilities as a manager, one stands out. A task that is so frustratingly difficult, un-sexy, yet totally necessary, which people rarely ever speak about. And ironically, a task that I’m finding myself having the responsibility to shoulder again, and again:

Conveying bad news.  

Whether it’s informing someone of a career request that was rejected, conveying performance ratings that did not meet expectations, relaying “tough feedback” from a client or colleague, informing higher management of our failure to meet deadlines or comply with targets, or cascade a “center directive” that will make everyone’s life difficult… I continuously find myself in situations of conveying unpleasant, frustration-inducing announcements and feedback.

I can see why people would tend to deliberately shy away or back down this responsibility. We fear the potential backlash and anger they will lash out at us or blame us. Our minds believe in the concept of “don’t kill the messenger”, but our hearts always fear that people will anyway!

On a human level, we hate to be the one conveying something that will break people’s hearts. We hate being the centre of disappointment and we fear the risk of ruining our relationship. 

It’s much easier to shutdown or cower in silence (and pretend you are ‘too busy’), claim ignorance, sugarcoat, add false hopes, or kill of the conversation by justifying with an ambiguous pseudo-excuse by blaming a non-specific third party (”it was ‘their’ decision / management direction)

But that would be dishonest. And, create many other worse problems down the road. And in the end, we end up having to clean the mess, or continue piling it up. 

This is an often forgotten aspect of integrity: to be honest with ourselves and have the courage to own up to our responsibilities, especially if those responsibilities aren’t obvious or apparent to others. 

Do you often find yourself in these situations? 

Some tend to go for the impersonal "touch and go" approach: just forward the proverbial Memo, choose not to talk about it, and just let the issue die down. Or, convey through another third party and let that Messenger endure all the bullets. 

But as for me, I like to convey it personally and have a conversation. 

Learning from experience and reading, here are some mindsets I learned to develop that, insha Allah, can help us carry out this difficult task as the Bearer of Bad News: 

1. Courage to Act - As mentioned in his excellent book “Good to Great”, author Jim Collins highlights that one of the important characteristics of Good-to-Great companies is that they instil the habit of confronting the brutal facts. 

“Yes, leadership is about vision. But leadership is equally about creating a climate where the truth is heard and the brutal facts confronted, creating a culture wherein people had a tremendous opportunity to be heard and ultimately, for the truth to be heard.”

As leaders, we have the responsibility of walking the talk first. If we don’t have the courage to confront the brutal facts, how can we expect others to do the same? 

    

2. “At least they hear it from me” - Clear is kind. Unclear is unkind. Don’t leave room for speculation (su’u dzon) or space for shaitan to whisper negative thoughts - or allow space for water cooler for gossip to flourish. Pull the trigger, and move on. 

3. A chance to add the Human Touch - I like to flip the script and tell myself, that if I have to be the one conveying this nasty stuff, then at least I can do it with ihsan (striving for excellence). In the hands of others, if poorly done, could be a PR disaster; but with me, I have an opportunity to add a touch of empathy, with the most humane, kind approach I am able to. 

4. An opportunity to enhance psychological safety - When I know I have to bear potential backlash or heartbreak, at least I can prepare myself mentally and emotionally if it does happen. And if I handle it well, the people around me can feel heard, and a chance to emphasize: I'm here for you. 

Together, we can flip the script, nurture trust and build relationships from this difficult ordeal. 

5. Improvement - when we add the human touch and psychological safety, we also subconsciously provide positive encouragement towards continuous improvement. What’s done is done. Let’s learn from it together, improve, seek solutions, and move on - and share with others so we can help them. 

This is a powerful reminder of our role in inviting and calling people towards righteousness: we have to be balanced and holistic. As much as we shy away from conveying “the hard stuff”, at times, it is a necessary component that cannot be neglected in our message - just as "fear" is to "hope". After all, the role of Prophets and Messengers - act BOTH as a bearer of glad tidings and one who conveys warnings from the Almighty:

وَمَآ أَرْسَلْنَـٰكَ إِلَّا مُبَشِّرًۭا وَنَذِيرًۭا ٥٦

And We have sent you (O Muhammad ﷺ) only as a bearer of glad tidings and a warner.

قُلْ مَآ أَسْـَٔلُكُمْ عَلَيْهِ مِنْ أَجْرٍ إِلَّا مَن شَآءَ أَن يَتَّخِذَ إِلَىٰ رَبِّهِۦ سَبِيلًۭا ٥٧

Say, “I do not ask you for any reward for this ˹message˺, but whoever wishes, let them pursue the Way to their Lord.” (Surah Al-Furqan, 56-57)

May Allah grant us the strength to uphold our amanah (responsibility) as the bearer of bad news, to convey them with ihsan and empathy, and to provide psychological safety to build relationships for the greater good.

Do you often find yourself in situations to convey bad news? How did you act? 

Share your tips and solutions!

📱IC on duty, signing off

 

Phew, glad that was over.

After the handover today, this marks the end of my first-time experience as Incident Commander (IC) for our operational region’s Emergency Management Team (EMT).

The first day I received this duty phone, I said to the wifey: “this phone is scary man”.

Not realizing that was the third time I said it, she replied, “are you going to say this all week?” #savage 🤣

Boy, the anxiety. As a noob first-timer who isn’t familiar with the entire incident response procedures, it brings back flashback memories of being a fresh graduate: Am I doing this right? What should I be doing, that people aren’t pointing out? Did i word that incident report correctly? Is it potentially going to lead to misinformation?

Every notification, every ringtone, makes your heart skip a beat.  It almost feels like carrying a baby in your pocket. Except with a baby, you can “hope” that she settles down by herself, and learn to develop "selective ignorance" - this one, you MUST attend, regardless.
Here’s what I learnt, though:

1. Curiosity (with a great team) is your best friend - when in doubt, always ask questions. Everyone tells me: “No worries, you have a great team" And yes, it’s true! Every time I ask questions, I immediately get answers. It’s like being a fresh grad, but with all the SME’s around you ready to guide you.

2. Learn the history - since we can review the chat history, we can read how past IC’s & team members used to respond/act (and if they committed any msitakes), and we can learn from them

3. Complete References - because the EMT duty roster rotates every week, the team have developed a complete set of references to guide us A-to-Z. Everything is there: from procedures, contact numbers, contingency plans. It reinforces the importance of establishing solid working systems if you want to ensure sustainability of leadership succession planning.

Having to be vigilant 24-7, reminds me of the hadith about the virtues of Ribaat: Guarding the borders. The Prophet ﷺ said:

“رِبَاطُ يَوْمٍ فِي سَبِيلِ اللَّهِ خَيْرٌ مِنَ الدُّنْيَا وَمَا عَلَيْهَا”

“Guarding the borders from its enemies for one day in the cause of Allah, is better than the entire world and everything in it.” (Al-Bukhari, Muslim)

In another narration:

رِبَاطُ يَوْمٍ فِي سَبِيلِ اللَّهِ أَفْضَلُ مِنْ أَلْفِ يَوْمٍ فِيمَا سِوَاهُ فَلْيُرَابِطْ امْرُؤٌ كَيْفَ شَاءَ
“Standing guard on the border for one day for the sake of Allah is better than one thousand ordinary days, so let a man stand on guard at the border as much as he wants.” (Musnad Ahmad)

It’s not an easy job, and 7-days of IC duty gave a little taste of that. To be fair, the IC duty is way easier, too: you just have to be alert and vigilant of the phone ring/vibration. You can work, eat, study, play, exercise, sleep - as long as you attend to the notifications and respond. But with guarding borders.. man.

Alhamdulillah, it was a good learning experience. But it's OK, I'll have my weekend now. I shall gladly pass the torch to the next IC, thank you very much 😇

Emcee @ TSP Convention 2022: Al-Wahn - Desiring Dunya, Belittling Hereafter

 

Long overdue post, I know, but if its important to be said, better late than never 🤣

Alhamdulillah, I am grateful to be able to contribute once again as MC and panel moderator for The Straight Path (TSP) Convention, 2022, “Al-Wahn: Desiring Dunia, Belittling Hereafter” 

I was actually very nervous going into TSP2022, as it was the first live MC-ing since TSP2019 - so I actually put a lot of hours into scripting and practicing.  

A lot of effort goes into making sure we conduct this amanah with the excellence and ihsan. 

For me, as MC, my approach is to try and balance out between being professional, respectful, substantial, engaging, thought provoking, and injecting the right dose of halal humor, without dominating or distracting from the main talks - instead, to complement them to the best of my ability.

But beyond that, as the MC, I always take extra care to make sure we are projecting the right brand. When I'm up there onstage, I see myself more than just a person introducing the speaker or announcing the next talk. When scripting and talking, I try to always ground myself in three different angles: 

1. Representing the Brand - In the audience’s eyes, the MC tends to subconsciously become a representation of the event, and hence the organizers as a whole and so it’s always important to be mindful of the impression we create. If we are disorganised, having a perceived lack of confidence, or even worse, alienate or drive the audiences away, then it leaves a mark on the organizers. It's also worth noting that, to my surprise, for at least 40% of the attendees, it is their first time ever attending a TSP conference. Impressions last, and so it’s important that we generate a positive, lasting one. This could be the event that triggers and inspires a big change of trajectory in their lives! Or, if not done well, could leave a bad taste in their 

    

    Which is why, when I personally organize events, I tend to be particular about the Emcees & their approach 

    

2. As a host - to me, I also take the subconscious ownership to play the role of the host, and in that sense, it's to make a welcoming and comfortable environment that they enjoy learning. What this also means is that we create psychological safety and stay far, far away from alienating, condescending jokes, sarcasm, and touchy/sensitive subjects such as politics (and polygamy).

    

    All of these basically come down to one of the applications and wisdoms of the saying of the Prophet ﷺ :

    

     خَيْرُ الْمَجَالِسِ أَوْسَعُهَا

    “The best of gatherings are those which make room for the most people.” (Abu Daud) 

    

3. As an enthusiastic student - this is something I developed over the years, to deliver with a more energy: Attend conferences with a white belt mentality. As a student, passionate and eager to learn. So when you summarized some key learnings, say it with excitement like its the most awesome thing ever. If you approach it with this mindset, the enthusiasm is more genuine and not just faked or simply regurgitating facts. 

This year was particularly special also, because we’ve recruited a new MC for the event - my fellow Barakah Effect mate, Reeza. It was his first-time ever doing live-Emceeing, and Alhamdulillah I congratulate his courage for stepping up and challenging himself outside of his comfort zone! My man. 

During one of the breaks, a Yemeni sister walked up to me enthusiastically and said, “BROTHER! You are so masha Allah. You MUST do a training program on public speaking! Please, brother!”

Sure, I would love to! In fact, that is one of my long-term goals. 

I’m hoping that with this collective experience, one day we can systemize the techniques to carve out a niche to create training courses to produce, nurture, and train world-class MC’s, speakers and interviewers in the ummah. Help people break down the barriers and overcome their fears of public speaking, sharpen it and excel. 

Finally, i’d like to say thank you once again to the team at TSP, jazakumUllahu khayran, for entrusting me to be part of this great event. I feel humbled that Allah has allowed me to participate in it and contribute to whatever capacity He has granted me with.

May Allah accept from all of us and grant us barakah towards attaining success in dunya and hereafter.

Moderator for Panel discussion: Engineer of the Future - Synergizing towards MFT. Upstream SKG16 forum, 6th December 2022 @ KL convention Center

 

(photo credit: Nurul Syuhada) 

Moderator, Panel discussion: Engineer of the Future - Synergizing towards MFT. Upstream SKG16 forum, 5th December 2022 @ KL convention Center 

Alhamdulillah, am very grateful to have been granted the opportunity to be Moderator for the Panel Discussion of our Upstream SKG16 forum this year. 

It was an exciting new first-time experience for me to facilitate such group discussion, doing this live in a corporate setting. It was a real thrill ride for me, personally: extremely nervous, but extremely satisfying at the same time. 

To help out others out there who may be organizing similar events and forums, here is sharing some personal notes, thoughts and "design thinking" behind the scenes, as the Moderator:

1. Remember: Human beings, human beings - Don't feel intimidated or insecure by high ranking leaders. 

At first glance lineup of panelists might seem intimidating with the: We have two senior GM's, a Leadership Team member of projects division, and two TP Custodian engineers. 

And then, you have this guy 🙋🏽‍♂️🤣. 

It's natural to feel a sense of an impostor syndrome, that you don't belong there, and that you might tend to feel intimidated by these distinguished panelists. But that intimidation might end up making us falter in our confidence, babble nonsense, shutdown in silence out of fear - all of which will harm the overall delivery. 

What I always remind myself is a Hadith where a man met the Prophet ﷺ. Imagine how it would feel like, for the first time meeting a world leader, who happens to also the final messenger of God? 

One man felt this intimidation. When he met the Prophet ﷺ for the first time, he trembled in awe - probably started shivering and stuttering - in his presence. Immediately, the Prophet ﷺ calmed him down and said, 

هَوِّنْ عَلَيْكَ فَإِنِّي لَسْتُ بِمَلِكٍ إِنَّمَا أَنَا ابْنُ امْرَأَةٍ تَأْكُلُ الْقَدِيدَ

"Be calm, for I am not a king. Verily, I am only the son of a woman who ate dried meat.” (ibn Majah) 

He emphasized that he ate dried meat, to indicate that he would survive eating low-cost food, just like any layman or commoner. 

This Hadith reminds me, that people, matter how high-ranking they are, they are human beings, with roots and origins no different to us. It reminds us not to feel needlessly intimidated. Just as they love to be treated with respect, they also love to have a good conversation and enjoy an occasional good laugh. 

Having said that, recognizing they are human beings, it is also important we understand their personality traits so we don't go overboard. Some people (and Shaykhs) want straightforward questions, are more sensitive, or can't be bothered for back-and-forth banter, whereas some are cool to just play along. Some want questions to be precise, whereas some are very happy to improvise on the fly. 

Which leads us to the importance of #2.. 

2. Pre-discussion "Meet & Greet" engagement

What people don't see is that we engage each of the panelists individually, about 1 week before the event, brief them about the forum and "heads up" the questions we plan to ask them, a practice that we also do in our Barakah Effect podcast. 

 

What I've learnt is that this is a must. Not a nice-to-have. I would go so far as to say that the pre-discussion meeting is arguably MORE important than the actual discussion. 

Here's why:

✅ Informal chitchat to get to know us personally, and most importantly, feel comfortable talking to us 

✅ Go through the planned question with them, so they can acknowledge the questions firsthand and so they have ample time to prepare for mindblowing answers, without having the anxiety of being caught off-guard with an off-the-cuff question. 

✅ Out of courtesy and respect to their knowledge and experience, ask them if they would want to add or highlight anything else in the context of the topic, so that perhaps we can reverse-engineer the questions for them to bring it out. 

✅ To keep the discussion engaging, I usually like to inject a bit of humor and sometimes like to play devil's advocate and spice up the questions or provide some provocative side-remarks. By giving them a heads up of these potentially controversial remarks, at least they know it's done in good faith and won't feel offended or defensive, as they acknowledge it as part of the act to keep the discussion engaging and exciting from the audience perspective. 

3. Have a great team behind the scenes

Although I was Moderator, the truth is, just like any late night talk show host, there are a team of equally important people behind the scenes that make it happen. 

In this forum, I was privileged to have a team of about 9 other people helping out - arranging the meet & Greet, producing the questions, printing out the handouts, conducting background research of the panelists' biographies, lining up the on-stage cues, preparing the montage, etc. Thanks to the panel team behind the scenes - Ola, Ada, Tim, Eda, Sukma, Hidayah, Sofi, Imran and others. You guys deserve the credit! I ni tukang cakap je. 

4. Keep it lively, energetic and enthusiastic - 

as much as possible, I always try to inject an extra dose of liveliness to the proceedings, while strategically toning down in the quieter moments that require. 

 And once in a while.. 

5. Throw in some Unexpected humor - as a guy with a big beard (well, at least the biggest in the ballroom at the time anyway), people who don't know me personally might feel intimidated by my appearance, and would expect somewhat of a serious discussion. Which is why, I like to catch people off guard by making unexpected quips, banter and/or silly self-commentary. 

My favorite secret weapon is reading out Pantun (Malay poetry) in between key segments of the discussion, just to keep the energy up and avoid the discussion from sounding too dry. A Pantun so unexpected in a formal corporate event, especially in a relatively serious-themed topic like this, that it almost always gets people excited. In some events, people might forget everything, but they will remember the Pantun. Though, I think I can't use them too much I future events.. Takut basi.. 🤓. Might have to come up with a different gimmick next time. 

Thanks to Nadia for helping compose all 4 Pantun - it was a hit! 

6.  Be present 

This was the "extra edge" I wanted to sharpen myself in - which isnt easy to do! The idea is to try as much as possible to make callbacks and cross-references within the discussion, so as to not sound too scripted. I always try to look out for key words or interesting highlights that pop up which I can use to emphasize or even throw in a quick joke. It lends a sense of cohesiveness and synergy towards. 

The only way this can be done is to be fully present in the moment, take notes, and not get distracted. 

7. Customer focused: putting yourself in the listeners' shoes 

Just as our podcast, we need to remind ourselves that the reason we are doing this forum isn't just for self-gratification or syok sendiri. The important takeaway is to place the emphasis on the people listening and attending, they get the best out of this 90-minute discourse. 

What this means also is that as the Moderator, I always try to ask questions in a way that reflects the common concerns and remarks from the "water cooler talk" of the average person on the ground. 

What do people want to know? What are their concerns? Why should they care?

And when we learn something new, respond with a sense of curiosity and wonder that the others may also feel. 

8. Over-prepare: Rehearse, Rehearse, Rehearse 

Sometimes I hear people tell me "you're a natural". But the truth is, I'm not. In fact, I'm actually extremely nervous from start to finish. 

The trick is to come very prepared, so that it LOOKS natural. 

Facts: I never have the self-confidence to rely on improvisation & being impromptu. For 90% of my content, I script everything down to a T, and rehearse it to death. The night before the event I stayed up till 2, in preparation. The idea is, when you are very familiar on your content, then you can work on your presentation confidence, tone of voice to make it seem "natural". 

What I've learnt from MC-ing and forum moderating for the past few years, be prepared to "let go" of some content, too, in the interests of the event. Most of the time, you won't be able to touch 100% of the content that you've prepared due to time constraints. But in the occasional event that you have to "stall for time" or the organizers pull off a plot twist to extend the session, you've got stuff in your pockets, ready to fire at will. And so when unexpected happenings do happen,  you can keep your composure

So there you have it! Hope you found these notes useful 😊 

Emcee cemerlang - Majlis Penutupan MTAQ'22. What makes a good MC?

 

What makes a good MC? 

Ever since I started volunteering as Emcee, I've developed this habit of keenly observing other MC's to learn how I can keep improving my craft. Since I've never had any formal training, what I like to do is learn from the best MC's: see what they do differently, and extract some inspirations and ideas of how I can adapt some of those techniques to improve - in the spirit of embracing the "Worthy Rival" concept from Simon Sinek's book Infinite Game. 

So, whenever I attend formal events, I keep my eyes peeled for any particular MC's that stand out or excel. 

To my pleasant surprise, this was one of them - Azmal from PCFK, emcee for the closing ceremony for Majlis Tilawah Al-Qur'an (MTAQ) PETRONAS on 1st December 2022.   

Breaking it down, here are five aspects & traits of what I observed of why he stands out:

 

1. Cool Demeanor 😎 

he has a very subtle, soft-spoken and calm manner of speech, but never monotonous or boring. What's interesting to note here is that he doesn't have the loud, bombastic tone of a TV personality or talk show host (which is what we typically think of when we think about "good Emcee"), but in spite of his subtle demeanor he speaks with an underlying confidence and still bringing a commanding presence. 

For new MCs, If you really need to prioritize, this alone is good enough. Don't need to insert corny jokes or cheesy dialogue for mediocre fillers - Just say your lines well with passion and confidence. Sometimes it's better to be "average but effective" rather than having lame jokes backfire and people remembering you for all the wrong reasons.

So, he nails the basics. But of course, there's more.. 

2. Courage to intervene 💪🏼

This was the first thing that caught my attention. When one of the speakers - Fakhrul from UNIC - made a mistake in his speech (bacaan mad "2 rakaat"), the MC immediately intervened saying "2 harkat, ustaz", then the speaker - and everyone else - broke into laughter. 

I looked at my wife and be like, "whoa.. Selambe je MC tegur penceramah" 😂. 

It was a rare sight.. Most of us feel shy to speak up and correct others, and sometimes we feel inferior or disrespectful.. But actually when we do so tactfully, it elevates the whole gathering and gives it a sense of engagement and interactivity. 

3. Humor done right 🤣 

Uplifting others + self-deprecating humor

When little 8-year old Ainul Mardhiah won first place in her children's hafazan category, the MC said, "Masha Allah.. Hebat adik ni. Anak saya besar ni, nak hafal lagu Omar dan Hana pun tak lepas". 

When announcing the winners for Quiz, he shared, "Masha Allah, hebat depa ni. Buat pengetahuan tuan2 dan puan2, saya ni pun pernah satu ketika jadi peserta kuiz. (pauses) Tapi saya kalah lah." (pause for the anticlimax plot twist to sink in, for comedic effect, then proceeds announce winners) 

But the one that caught me off-guard the most, was when he announced prizes for hafazan dewasa category (my category). When he announced my name as the winner for 3rd place, just as I was about to receive my prize, he said something like, "satu-satunya peserta yang janggutnya lagi besar daripada janggut saya" 🧔🏻🤣.. I burst out laughing at the moment. Brilliant comedic timing, as if he was timing it just right for the photo. 

I made an observation of what he was doing here: good old-fashioned self-depracating humor, while uplifting others. It's a technique that gets the audiences to laugh WITH you, while simultaneously making you more likeable AND interestingly enough, appear more confident, as you clearly don't mind poking fun at yourself. 

🚫 Speaking about humor, what is worth observing is what he DOESN'T do. 

One of the things I appreciate is that unlike other MCs, he doesn't make corny condescending jokes, sarcasm, self-promotion, pretentious pseudo-Praises, or too many pop-culture references that isolate audiences. This is a dangerous trap MCs need to avoid falling into lest we risk isolating or offending audiences. 

The philosophy of humor should be: complement, don't compete. Focus on Enhancing the event, not impressing others. 

4. Be present, Stay sharp👂🏼

I observed that  a lot of his witty humor was said in context or callbacks to what was said by others in the same ceremony

E.g. "Beza markah dengan naib Johan hanya satu mata.. Silap sikit je. Barangkali kesilapannya tadi macam yang disebut oleh saudara fakhrul tadi, dia silap baca mad 2 rakaat, bukan 2 harkat". 

It lended an vibe of cohesiveness, and almost felt like a reward to the participants who were paying attention. 

This kind of sharp improvisational wit can only be obtained if you are fully present and listening throughout. A lot of people, what they tend to do is only focus on their part and wait for their cues, whereas the rest of the time they're off drifting away and browsing their phones. 

If we want to be sharp and develop quick and nimble conversational ability to be making witty banters, we need to develop the habit of active listening by being fully present. 

5. The sniper / "ninja" approach 👤

Overall, despite his effective humor, he actually uses it quite sparingly. For the most part, over 90% of the time, he plays the role of a solid MC. But when you least expect it - BAM - the sniper comes in with a bullseye, catching us totally off-guard like a ninja. That's what I think he does well. Despite his sharp wit and humor, as the MC, he never dominates or becomes a distraction to the ceremony or steal the show. 

But when the punchline comes in, he delivers! 💥

At the end of the day, this is the fundamental role of the emcee: to effectively carry the event from.

enhance the ceremony, elevate it, bring out more from what would otherwise could have been pretty mundane proceedings.

MTAQ’22 Tempat Ketiga: Bro Fauzi does it again

 

Back in 2018 - the last time I participated under Hafazan categroy for MTAQ PETRONAS - I lost to Fauzi. 

Now, 4 years later in 2022, once again, I lost to Fauzi, who scored first place. 

Deja vu…?

Except, with a few significant, internal differences. Back in 2018, we had a score margin of 1. Back then Alhamdulillah Allah gave me the consistency to recite without mistakes - therefore perhaps the only differentiating factor would have probably been a minor tajwid issue or a subjectivity on voice. But this year in 2022, the gap widened. My score was lower, at 91, and his was even higher, at a near-perfect whopping 98/100. 

Whoa. 

In a nutshell, he got better, and I got worse. To top things off, there was another contestant who scored a hair of a point higher at 92/100, earning second place.

A few weeks ago I posted about participation in MTAQ being about the “journey, not the destination” - the focus is in the process, not in the outcomes. But there is something about the outcome that can give us a sobering realization of our current state that can have a profound impact to drive us into action and perform muhasabah to reflect on ourselves: 

Why did I do worse?! 

It’s the same set of surah, after all. Back then, even though I got 2nd place, I felt satisfied, because I felt I went all out, and I didn’t make any silly mistakes. This time around, I made 3 silly mistakes, and that was killing me. Could it be lack of practice? Or the impact of my sins? After all, imam ash-shafi’ee was advised by waki’ that “knowledge of Allah is Light, and the Light of Allah will not enter the heart of the sinner”. 

Even though we might think we are “okay”, but it’s only when we strain ourselves under certain stresssful conditions - such as the nervousness of competition, or having to lead others as imam in taraweeh - then our REAL capacities are put to the test. 

Regardless, seeing these results - especially the impossibly high score of Bro Fauzi - fully convinced & motivated me that I really need to do better. This guy has been winning the past few years and yet he still somehow improved. I haven’t quite reached there,  and somehow still got worse!

And looking at the tight score of the others - with just 2 points behind in succession - shows how tight and competitive it was. Make another little slip, and you’ll probably drop a rank. 

This situation reminds me of what Simon Sinek writes about in his book “Infinite Game”, regarding the concept of Worthy Rival: 

“We choose them to be our Worthy Rivals because there is something about them that reveals to us OUR weaknesses and pushes US to constantly improve”

And this is indeed is heeding the call of Allah to  - سَابِقُوٓا۟ إِلَىٰ مَغْفِرَةٍۢ مِّن رَّبِّكُمْ - compete with one another for the forgiveness of Allah. 

My admiration for him reminds me of Umar and Abu Bakr. When the Prophet ﷺ asked for contribution for the war, Umar declared “today I will beat Abu Bakr” and he gave away half his wealth. But then, turns out Abu Bakr gave ALL of his wealth.

The interesting thing, though, is that all this competition is in Umar’s head. It was Umar’s internal benchmarks to beat. Abu Bakr probably isn’t even aware that he is being compared to. 

Terbaik lah bro Fauzi and the rest. BarakAllahu fikum. 

See you guys next year, in MTAQ 2023 insha Allah! Allahumma barik.

Thoughts on joining hifz competitions: MTAQ PETRONAS Ke-21

 

Here we go! 

Competitions like this encourage us to push ourselves into action.

When we register for competitions - as we did for hafazan (memorization) category - we push ourselves into a corner as it becomes an external accountability device that creates a sense of urgency and forces us to memorize, revise, and practice. 

How is it an accountability device? 

1. Precision - memorization is very competitive! I recall back in 2018, I got 2nd place because of one differentiating point out of a hundred. If I recall correctly, I scored 94, whereas the brother who won scored 95. 

Hafazan forces us to know our memorization word for word - and for that, there is no other solution than continuous and constant repetition. Let it repeat itself so much that it becomes seared into our brains. This by virtue of itself is heeding the encouragement of the Prophet ﷺ :

وَاسْتَذْكِرُوا الْقُرْآنَ فَإِنَّهُ أَشَدُّ تَفَصِّيًا مِنْ صُدُورِ الرِّجَالِ مِنَ النَّعَمِ

"keep on revising the Qur'an, because it escapes from the hearts of men faster than camel do!"

He (ﷺ) also said 

إِنَّمَا مَثَلُ صَاحِبِ الْقُرْآنِ كَمَثَلِ صَاحِبِ الإِبِلِ الْمُعَقَّلَةِ إِنْ عَاهَدَ عَلَيْهَا أَمْسَكَهَا وَإِنْ أَطْلَقَهَا ذَهَبَتْ

"The example of the person who knows the Qur'an by heart is like the owner of tied camels. If he keeps them tied, he will control them, but if he releases them, they will run away." 

(Narrated by Al-Bukhari) 

Throughout preparation, you feel more motivated to revise in solah, and especially so if you join together with family members. Plus, with each repetition, each letter earns you ten rewards, Masha Allah. 

2. Time-bound deadlines - why do we always fail our New Year resolutions? Typically, because resolutions don't have specific commitment deadlines, therefore we tend to procrastinate and keep dragging for unspecified durations. By contrast, competitions have fixed dates which force us to be ready by then. Imposing objective deadlines create a sense of urgency open up a practical mechanism for us to breakdown our goals (I.e. "Revise surah X for Y number of times by Z date") 

3. Sense of Ownership - Knowing that the organization has invested a lot, to encourage their staff to build a relationship with the book of Allah, feeling a sense ownership to realize the goal behind investing valuable resources to materialise the event, as well as the personal drive to put ourselves on the spot. 

4. Save face - The subconscious fear that we don't want to fumble and make a fool out of ourselves in front of others, especially if we have to go onstage 😜

To me, why the simple act of registering and showing up - that in at of itself - is one that requires courage, and I commend those who take the leap.

Of course, the prizes are really nice too. But to me, all of that feels secondary, compared to the benefits of #1 alone. 

Now. If one were to play devil's advocate, one might ask: Do we necessarily NEED a competition?

By right, you can do this without enrolling yourself for any competition or needing external motivation. Between you and Allah, that's all that matters right? Your taqwa should drive you to constantly revise by yourself, right? 

Well, that's true. But what to do, miskeen ya Shaykh... 😭 Those of us with weak iman, need some push from time to time 😓. So we embrace these opportunities for betterment, with purify our intentions for His Sake.

Personally, here's hoping more organizations facilitate similar events to encourage more participation for brothers and sisters to enhance their relationship with the Qur'an.

Historically, its been proven to have a positive long lasting impact to the people. I recall that one of the reasons that the Shafiee madzhab was so prominent in certain major regions is because there was one ruler who was so passionate about the knowledge, that he offered a reward for those who can memorize the entire book of Shafi'ee Fiqh. As a result, thousands of laymen memorized it and the knowledge became strongly engrained in the people. 

May Allah make us among those who are steadfast in improving our relationship with the Qur'an 🤲🏽

Doakan kami! 🤓 

“Stepping down Gracefully” for the Greater Good - Sirah Reflections

In recent post- #GE15 events, we see numerous urges for a certain high-level figure to "resign honourably" or "step down gracefully". This reminds me of an interesting event in the Sirah of the Khulafah Ar-Rashidun (Rightly Guided Caliphs):

After the fourth khalifah Ali bin Abi Talib, was assassinated by the khawarij, the Muslims pledged allegiance to his son, Hasan, to be the fifth khalifah. After 6 months of being the Khalifah, Hasan bin Ali, grandson of the Prophet ﷺ, stepped down his position, and handed it over to Muawiyah bin Abi Sufyan: the perceived “rival” to his father, after years of civil war including tragic battles such as the Battle of Siffeen and the Battle of the Camel.

So, what happened after Hasan stepped down ? 

Plot twist: The Muslims stopped fighting completely. They united under the leadership of Muawiyah bin Abi Sufyan, who continued ruling as Khalifah for the next 20 years, without any civil wars or political instability. The nation thrived and flourished once again in a period of history which most people tend to conveniently “forget”. 

But let’s do some role-play here and play devil’s advocate: What would have been some inner struggle and thoughts that could have occupied the mind of Al-Hassan in the moment he was confronted with this tough decision? What would the materialistic-minded people would have incited and tried impose on him to burn his ego? 

“Ya Hasan, Ya Khalifah. Come on.. you are the GRANDSON of the Prophet ﷺ.. son of the fourth khalifah ar-rashidun, son of Fatimah, best of women! 

If there ever was ONE fella who deserved leading the ummah, it’s YOU, Hasan! Didn’t the Prophet himself call you a Sayyid - a LEADER?!

Dude, YOU should be the one in charge and calling the shots here - not this Muawiyah guy! 

What will the people say? That you lack courage for the responsibility of leadership? Your father was such a BEAST in battle and now you chicken out?!

Hold your ground. In fact, it's through YOUR Leadership that will reconcile the ummah together!"

But Alhamduilillah, Hasan didn't let these thoughts get the best of him. He took the high road and handed the reins to Muawiyah. In hindsight, his decision became a unifying act that resulted in stability within the nation for decades to come, fulfilling the prophecy of the Prophet ﷺ:

 ابْنِي هَذَا سَيِّدٌ وَلَعَلَّ اللَّهَ أَنْ يُصْلِحَ بِهِ بَيْنَ فِئَتَيْنِ مِنَ الْمُسْلِمِينَ

"This son of mine is a leader, and (one day), Allah may make peace and reconcile between two groups of Muslims through him.” (Al-Bukhari)

There is a deep lesson for us here. The fact that the Prophet ﷺ here specifically praised him for being a leader, even though he was only leading for 6 months, it signifies an important lesson we can all learn from: Sometimes, our greatest impact can result from ONE decision - and that positive impact can only be seen much later. No, Hasan didn't garner the glory or glamour of leadership. Rather, he made a magnanimous decision that characterized a decision putting aside personal ego, seeing a big picture vision for the greater good of the nation. 

In fact, after Hasan stepped down, he continued to be an upright citizen under Muawiyah’s leadership, even participating in battles organized by Muawiyah’s caliphate. 

Finally, as the Prophet ﷺ himself testifies, it is THROUGH Hasan that the ummah is united and reconciled. And so with peace and stability, the nation prospers. So if you think about it, ALL the good that came from the Muslim ummah under the 20-year leadership of Muawiyah from that moment onwards, can be attributed to the ripple effect - nay, the Barakah Effect - of Hasan’s actions. 

A nice little side point as well about parenting, with respect to inspiring words of encouragement. Hasan was only 7 years old when the Prophet ﷺ passed away. When the Prophet openly told the people that "this son of mine is a leader", he was probably only a little toddler. Imagine what those words would have done to this young boy, who heard this directly from his grandfather who was the leader of Arabia, and Final Messenger from God. 

Now, not all situations call to step down. Part of the heavy responsibility of leadership is wisdom in decision-making: how, what, and when to do certain acts, carefully weighing out the consequences before decisively taking action. Sometimes, as we all have probably witnessed, stepping down can open the floodgates of worse disasters down the road. Which is why the 3rd caliph Uthman didn't step down, even though the rebels were right at his doorstep and eventually entered his house and assassinate him.

But to me, one takeaway lesson from this story is: 

As leaders, we will face difficult situations where our sincerity will be put to the test. Sometimes, we have to make a decision for a cause far greater than ourselves. There are times where we just have to swallow our ego, put aside personal preferences, and bite the bullet for the greater good in the long run. 

Easier said than done, for sure. 

But such is integrity. Who said leadership is easy?

Allah knows best.

Register Hajj for your children, ASAP!

 

Alhamdulilllah today we registered Hajj for our 3-month old Rumaysa with Tabung Haji. According to the “default” sequence, her turn will be in year 2163. That’s only 141 years from now. Insha Allah 😄

I am inspired by my friends who go to Hajj because their parents registered from them when they were little. A good friend of mine, he went for Hajj in his early ‘30s. Why? Because his wife’s parents registered for her when she was a child, and so when her turn was up, the husband automatically got to accompany her.  

Masha Allah, what an amazing legacy for parents to leave behind: to have sent their children to complete their fifth pillar Islam, Hajj - and perhaps along with their familiies, too. Making small efforts to plant the seeds today will yield huge barakah, decades down the line. 

And it’s so EASY to register for hajj these days under Tabung Haji - all we have to do is spend a few minutes to show up. For adults, we can just use the app.. Do everything online, khalas. Lagi senang dari mengundi. Nak tak nak je. 

As for the sequence (i.e. 141 years later)? 

Put that aside for now. What’s important is we focus what’s within our control: Registration. 

What’s beyond our control - the waiting sequence, etc - Leave that to Allah, and put our trust in Him. That sequence what it is today, based on annual hajj allocation for Malaysians and how many have registered. The numbers are always subject for revision, insha Allah. 

And if it doesn’t happen? Well, at least you have some solid evidence with Allah when you meet Him - “ya Allah, I tried!”