Being a Leader: Managerial Excellence (ME) Training Cohort #7, 25-27 July 2023 Le Meridien, Putrajaya

 

Alhamdulillah, am grateful for the opportunity to join this training, which provided a nice jolt of motivation, multiple “a-ha!” moments, sparked lots of practical ideas and a newfound ambition to play our part in becoming drivers to make our organizations a better place.

Leaving the training, here are some takeaway thoughts:

1. Walk the talk - What’s Knowledge without action? Don’t just become content hoarders. “Information becomes KNOWLEDGE - personal, embodied, verified - only when we put it to use. You gain confidence in what you know only when you know that it works. Until you do, it’s just a theory” (Tiago Forte, “Building a Second Brain”) It’s only when we implement these stuff, try them out, that it becomes genuine piece of knowledge. And it’s only when we apply them consistently, make mistakes and learn from them, that we accumulate WISDOM.

2. Make time - We get it, everyone’s busy. We’re too busy reacting with day to day challenges. How are we supposed to find the time to implement this stuff? After all, some of these As Tim Ferriss said, i*f you “don’t have time”, you don’t have “priorities”*. If these frameworks and tools are important for us, we have to prioritize and make time.

3. It’s going to be Difficult. You will need courage - This will all seem intimidating: Consistently giving and seeking for feedback; learning to entrust our team, let go of our control to let them flourish, opening up and being vulnerable; coming to terms with how our “good intentions” might have accidentally sabotaged our team’s productivity and intellectual capacity. It’s scary stuff, and our tendency is to be overthinking it, until it paralyzes it from taking action. So we “not-so-accidentally” drown ourselves in the “busy”-ness of our work to give ourselves an excuse. We need COURAGE to step up.
   
And here’s the thing about courage, as Nelson Mandela said: “I learned that courage was not the ABSENCE of fear, but the triumph over it. The brave man is not he who does not feel afraid, but he who CONQUERS that fear”.
   
4. Be the leader your organization needs - Perhaps there are some of us who haven’t had good role models of a “great leader” in the past. Maybe we’ve never had a leader who instilled a good culture of feedback, and preferred isolating himself. Perhaps we’ve always had bosses who had poor psychological safety. Perhaps it’s difficult to imagine what it’s like to have a high-performing leader who ALSO implements psychological safety, when bosses seem so micromanaging and hawking your mistakes without setting clear goals and directions. Fine. We get it. Let’s cast that aside, and now that some of us are in the driver’s seat, let’s be the leader that our organization needs. Let’s be that role model that we’ve always wanted. Let’s aspire to leave behind a legacy of an inspired workforce.

5. You will be criticized: So learn to Fail fast  - as a leader, any decision you make will have room to be misinterpreted and misunderstood. When you leave ideas open for the team to brainstorm and propose solutions, there will be some who think you are just “taichi” and not do any thinking. When you provide direction and guidance, there will be critics who will say you are micromanaging. When you challenge the team, there will always be naysayers who will say you are being unrealistically demanding.
Aristotle said something interesting: “there is only one way to avoid criticism: Do nothing, say nothing & BE nothing”
   
You can never please everyone, so don’t try. What you DO want to do is have the humility to listen and always be flexible for improvement.
To me, it boils down to this cycle:
Be clear in your intentions and goals, be transparent with the team what you are trying to achieve (don’t just keep those intentions to yourself), always practice active listening, seek feedback, pivot and re-adjust where you need to, then go back to step 1 with intentions.
   
6. Bonus: Apply them with your kids, too! - I’ve always been fascinated how parenting has so many similarities with leadership. Turns out that, all the tools, mindsets, and approaches of a successful leader at the workplace, are also the same tools, mindsets and approach of good parenting. From identifying (and capitalising) their strengths, to acting listening & providing psychological safety, to having a more mindful approach to giving and seeking feedback - so many useful tools that can also help make out the best in our little ones 😊

👀 Are you always on your phone or laptop during meetings?

I'm noticing a very troubling (and frankly, annoying) habit during physical meetings, trainings and even face to face conversations: people constantly staring into their phones, and on their laptops  checking emails and Teams. 

The problem is that there is almost a demand for this behavior. People want to be seen as someone who's responsive and always contactable. No matter the circumstances, you can count on me to respond. 

The flipside, thought is that habits like these that destroy meeting productivity and render them a "waste of time" - habits that create distrust and doubt that people are truly present, let alone actively participating.  And for face to face interactions and conversations, habitually staring into screens are just straight up disrespectful. 

Here's an interesting and refreshing excerpt I picked up from the book “15 Secrets successful People Know About Time Management” by Kevin Kruse:

“Do you check your phone for text messages or emails during business meetings? 

If you answered yes, research from the University of Southern California’s Marshall School of Business suggests you are annoying your boss and colleagues. Their study found: 

✅ 86 percent think it’s inappropriate to answer phone calls during formal meetings.

✅ 84 percent think it’s inappropriate to write texts or emails during formal meetings.

✅ 75 percent think it’s inappropriate to read texts or emails during formal meetings.

✅ 66 percent think it’s inappropriate to write texts or emails during any meetings.

✅ At least 22 percent think it’s inappropriate to use phones during any meetings.

Why do so many people—especially more successful people—find smartphone use in meetings to be inappropriate? It’s because when you access your phone, it shows: 

1. Lack of respect. You consider the information on your phone to be more important than the conversation in the meeting; you view people outside of the meeting to be more important than those sitting in front of you. 

2. Lack of attention. You are unable to stay focused on more than one item at a time; the ability to multitask is a myth. Lack of listening. You aren’t demonstrating the attention and focus that is required of truly active listening. 

3. Lack of power. You are like a modern day Pavlovian dog who responds to the beck and call of others through the buzz of your phone.

To make the most of valuable time spent in meetings, participants should mute and pocket their devices and leave them in their pockets."

(End Quote)

Be Present. In body, heart, mind and soul. Regain your respect, attention and power. Play your part to make that session flourish and make the best of it. 

Productivity Strategy - Getting used to being messy?

 

“The art of being wise is the art of knowing what to overlook.” —William James

I remember reading this surprising productivity tip from the book “The One Thing: The Surprisingly Simple Truth Behind Extraordinary Results” by Gary Keller - One of the greatest “thieves of productivity” is Fear of Chaos. A fear of being so perfectionist, & cannot cope living with messiness.

“One of the greatest thieves of productivity is the unwillingness to allow for chaos or the lack of creativity in dealing with it.

Messes are inevitable when you focus on just one thing. While you whittle away on your most important work, the world doesn’t sit and wait. It stays on fast forward and things just rack up and stack up while you bear down on a singular priority. Unfortunately, there’s no pause or stop button. You can’t run life in slow motion. Wishing you could will just make you miserable and disappointed.

The truth is, it’s a package deal. When you strive for greatness, chaos is guaranteed to show up. In fact, other areas of your life may experience chaos in direct proportion to the time you put in on your ONE Thing. It’s important for you to accept this instead of fighting it. Oscar-winning filmmaker Francis Ford Coppola warns us that “anything you build on a large scale or with intense passion invites chaos.”
In other words, get used to it and get over it."
(End quote)

In practice, what this means is that we must learn to be less of a perfectionist. Accept that we cannot 100% achieve everything. We have to train ourselves to adapt to the chaos and live with the messiness, as we try to achieve our main goals. Or else we will be constantly “firefighting”, responding to problems and constantly be unhappy with ourselves as we live with matters being unresolved.

In our interview with Ustaz Shareef El-Arbi on The Barakah Effect, we ask him about his “secret” of time management: How does he balance between between his full-time career, managing his family, regularly conducting multiple islamic classes, giving da’wah, as well as continuously seeking knowledge?

His first response: “you will always fall short in one area or another because everything has to be at the expense of something else. The more you pursue dunya, the more you will neglect the akhirah. And the most you pursue akhirah, the more you will neglect your dunya”

What an enlightening and unexpetected response! In a few words, he demonstrates, in practice what is meant by the words of the Prophet ﷺ:

مَنْ أَحَبَّ دُنْيَاهُ أَضَرَّ بِآخِرَتِهِ وَمَنْ أَحَبَّ آخِرَتَهُ أَضَرَّ بِدُنْيَاهُ فَآثِرُوا مَا يَبْقَى عَلَى مَا يَفْنَى

“Whoever loves his worldly life will harm his Hereafter, and whoever loves his Hereafter will harm his worldly life. Thus, prefer what is everlasting over what will vanish.” (Sahih Ibn Hibban #709)

It’s all about making a deliberate conscious choice of what you can strategically afford to “let go”, and what you need to focus your efforts in, where you can add the highest value and the best impact.

I noticed I have to make this “trade-off” choice in multiple different day-to-day circumstances at the workplace and at home. For example, if we’re focusing on being fully present and participative in physical meetings or trainings, then the necessary trade-off is that we aren’t “always on” our laptops to be responding to emails and virtual messages. We don’t get to be that responsive guy who’s always available. The other trade-off: we have to Brace ourselves with potential overwhelming list of unread messages, emails and surprise "urgent" requests that came in when our laptops were left unattended 😂.

Also, Office hours are limited. When you choose to spend time in one area, then the trade-off is that you have less hours in other areas. For example, in my role as a manager in the workplace, I have to juggle multiple different tasks: Setting goals, coaching and mentoring others, measuring performance, attending conferences and seminars to explore new solutions and ideas, engaging clients, exchanging feedback, reviewing and approving your team deliverables, performance reporting with our superiors, getting to know your team, hiring new staff, and your own personal competency development.
It’s the art of juggling between “where should I put more emphasis and priorities”, “what can I afford to miss?”, and “what is best for my team and I in the long term?”

It happens for parenting, too. For example, If we want to allow our children with the freedom of creativity with their toys, or to learn being independent, such as eating by themselves, then in the meantime, we have to learn to accept that the household will be in a complete mess as they try, learn, and make mistakes. And as parents, it's about knowing “when” and “how” to strategize the cleanup afterwards.

It’s okay to be messy. Let them judge. You do you.

Do you struggle with perfectionism in handling multiple responsibilities? What trade-offs do you have to make? How do you decide?

"Best Male participant" award for Hello! Top Talent Onboarding Program - 13 July 2023, PLC Bangi

Wow, that was unexpected, Masha Allah. I received award as Best participant for this course today at the beautiful campus of PETRONAS leadership center in Bangi, getting a copy of the book "Originals" by Adam Grant. I've enjoyed listening Adam Grant's podcast channels "Work Life" & "Re-thinking" and am looking forward to read his work here: "A great idea is a great start. But it's what you do next that counts - how to make change happen, champion originality and encourage others to think differently, and get new ideas to stick". 

Alhamdulillah, am also grateful for the privilege to have been nominated for this program and to connect with other identified Top Talents across the organization. 

Love the message inserted here, too. Being "top talent" isn't a brand. It's not an entitlement or a right. It's a journey we need to continue building on. We have a responsibility to drive our teams together, develop others so they can excel beyond us, and be the change the organization needs towards a sustainable future.

Looking forward for exciting challenges ahead! 

Strategizing the Human element in innovation & change

 

Upstream Energy Efficiency Management Workshop - Double Tree, KL (5-6 July 2023)

As we set higher aspirations to move our organizations towards innovation, progress, and change, especially towards ambitious goals such as Digitalization and Sustainability targets such as the Net Zero Carbon Emmissions (NZCE) by 2050, I feel that the most important - and often overlooked - strategy, is the human element.

Throughout attending various conferences, discussions, and reading up the subject matter, I started seeing some common patterns, and this is what I’ve learnt so far. Here are 9 perspectives of how we can strategies the human element towards steering change:

1. Understand and Empathize the Resistance to Change - it’s natural. People will always fear the unknown and have a tendency to stick to what’s familiar: Even if the familiar isn’t particularly good, or the alternative proposal is objectively better.

2. Key: Building Trust - Don’t just bark orders and expect an overnight revolution. Take the time to listen, understand their pain points, and let your actions demonstrate respect & care. Trust will make people go the extra mile.

3. Tailoring your Communication - Adjust your language & style to meet the audience. Technicians relate better when things are simple. Management loves facts and figures. Engineers want to understand "why" & "how". Tapping of wisdom from Ali bin Abi Talib: “Speak to people according to their understanding and level of knowledge” (Al-Bukhari).

4. Demonstrate Cohesiveness, collaboration & Collective responsibility - One excellent example we heard was when a leader gave assurance to his team by openly declaring: “If anything goes wrong, it’s on me. I will take responsibility”.

5. Embrace "failure" as a part of a learning journey, not something to penalize or demonize others!

6. Keep things simple: Progress, not perfection - It’s more important to make iterative, strategic changes than revamp everything. Something I learnt: “Standardization” isn’t necessarily a great thing if it slows everyone down, or forces other teams to ascribe to things which aren’t applicable for them!

7. Don't get too distracted by the novelties of “new” innovative frontiers. Focus on Value and Prioritize with the big picture in mind: Don't allow "nice-to-haves" override the priority of our core jobs and the need to strengthen fundamentals first!

8. Determination, perseverance - Change is difficult; we will be facing a lot of pushback and resistance. That’s life. These are times when organizations need us to step up with the courage to act & be steadfast.
Bruce Lee once said, “Do not pray for an easy life. Pray for the strength to endure a difficult one”.
   
9. Think Sustainability: Set up systems, not just individuals - People will change. How will you set up solid working systems that continue to thrive, even if core team members change?

#innovation #humanbehavior #leadership

🐝 The Believer is Like A Bee

The Prophet ﷺ said, 

وَالَّذِي نَفْسُ مُحَمَّدٍ بِيَدِهِ إِنَّ مَثَلَ الْمُؤْمِنِ لَكَمَثَلِ النَّحْلَةِ أَكَلَتْ طَيِّبًا وَوَضَعَتْ طَيِّبًا وَوَقَعَتْ فَلَمْ تُكْسَرْ وَلَمْ تَفْسُدْ

“I Swear By the One in whose hand is the soul of Muhammad, the parable of the believer is that of a bee:

It consumes and produces what is pure and good.

When it lands on a branch, it never breaks or spoils (it).”

(Narrated in Musnad Aḥmad 6872; graded Sahih li ghayrihi according to Al-Arna’ut)

Amazing Hadith! I recently heard this hadith for the first time, and there’s so much deep insights defining the Muslim identity:

1. 🌺 Consumes what is pure - 

Bees knows what they want, and are very selective to extract exactly from the flowers they stop by: nectar and pollen. They know what to filter out, and don’t take “additional souvenirs” beyond their needs. Likewise, a believer sees with insight, using their values and principles defined by the Quran & sunnah to selectively extract the goodness out of their environment: the people they meet, the places they go, the content they consume, the sights and sounds they experience - and they filter out the unnecessary, bad stuff. 

    

2. 🍯 Produces what is pure - 

From the nectar they extract from the flowers, their stomachs partially process the nectar with some enzymes, where they regurgitate it back out back at their hives as honey. It’s this processing that give honey the natural healthy remedies. Likewise, a believer takes from the environment, “processes” it through the lens of iman, and therefore through his words & deeds, produce that which is pure and beneficial for others around them - a blessed presence (mubarak)! 

Interesting fact: The European honeybee pollinates three-fourths (75%) of the fruits, veggies & nuts that we eat!

Furthermore, what’s so interesting about bees is that they have a somewhat ‘subconscious’ symbiotic relationship with the flowers: They help spread out the pollen and pollinate the flowers. They don’t do this consciously, but it’s a byproduct of them effectively being so nimble as they travel from flower to flower. Likewise, believers, through their positive conduct - adab and akhlaq - always leave a positive beneficial trail in their wake, inspiring optimism and productivity whether they realize it or not. 

    

3. 🍃 When it lands on a branch, it never breaks of spoils it -  

Unlike parasites which leech of their hosts, bees are quick and nimble and leave their hosts completely unharmed; they extract what they need and they go. In fact, through their pollination, actually bring MORE benefit their hosts in the long run, more than what they actually receive for themselves.   

As believers, we should strive to meet this standard: When we interact with others, don’t burn your bridges, sever your ties, or cause harm to others. Even if you can’t improve or enhance, then at least don’t cause harm to those around you!

Mastering Q&A - What I observed & learned from Rashdan

 

This week, I've had the pleasure of attending three separate Q&A sessions handled and answered by Rashdan, GM head of Technical Excellence OE & Skill Group Advisor. In all three sessions, I bombarded him with questions (something he remembers quote fondly), and in my view, he handled all of them really well, answering them professionally with class & cool. 

Handling open Q&A is a very difficult task, especially when leaders are confronted with an emotional crowd, a difficult situation such as a reorganisation and/or disgruntled employees. 

I've always thought of Q&A sessions as the factor that tips the scales of leadership engagement session effectiveness. If done well, it can help bridge understanding, create an atmosphere of trust, and ultimately inspire collaboration. If handled poorly, it will just create resentment and bottled-up frustration, widening the gap between leadership and the rest, or end up in frustrated people regretting to ask questions anymore. 

Observing his approach, here are some things I learned :

1. Open & transparent

This is what I appreciate most about his answers that make him standout: Transparency & generosity. He doesn't just give out dismissive "standard management answers" or "taichi" answers that just hand-off responsibility to absent parties. 

He comes prepared. He generously gives out glimpses of "what happens behind the scenes", always sharing a "sneak peak of what's to come", revealing thought processes & considerations of why certain decisions are done the way that they are. 

In doing so, it paints a much more holistic picture and provides deep, valuable insight, bridging the understanding and appreciation with leadership. 

While we may not necessarily "agree" with everything, we can ultimately appreciate & respect the well-meaning intentions, and can get behind to support. 

2. Respectful listening & psychological safety

I hope more leaders, teachers and parents develop this. Throughout his Q&A, he never gives condescending remarks or dismisses the question, rather, he listens till the end and shows appreciation for the question(s). 

Inviting, respectful and inclusive. 

3. Empathy: show, don't tell. 

Sometimes we hear people who say "I hear you, but.." - then proceed to make statements that makes us wonder if they even bothered to listen.

Not this guy, though. He recognises the frustration of the questioners, summarizes them to demonstrate his understanding, relates to them, then provides insight to directly address the concerns. 

4. Keep it cool 😎 - Develop emotional control 

This is really quite remarkable. Throughout the entire session, somehow, he consistently maintains a demeanor of calmness and cheerfulness, almost never losing that smile, or showing signs of annoyance or anger. 

So, not only does he handle Q&A like a boss, but he leaves the session coming off as just that bit more likeable, in the process. 

What sorcery is this 🤣

Overcoming the Aversion and Anxiety of “Networking”: My 2-Pronged Strategy

Do you dislike “networking”? 

I know I sure did - in the past. 

But these days, I learned to change my perception to see it differently, approach it in a more human and organic way, and kind of get better at it. 

In the recent DEAS 2023 conference, I had the opportunity to meet many new awesome people from many different backgrounds. And I had a great time doing it (never thought I’d see the day). 

So, why DO we dislike networking? We all know in our rational minds that building relationships is good for us, on many levels. Isn’t it just another form of relationship-building? 

The truth is, looking back, I actually enjoy meeting people. What I didn’t particularly enjoy about the (perceived) notion of “networking”, boils down to 3 elements: insincerity, pretentiousness, and social anxiety. 

I didn’t like the idea of it being a transactional exercise: getting to know people because you want something from them, or linking with people as a utility to serve a personal agenda, i.e. “What can I get from getting to know you?” - When people exchange business cards solely with the mindset of WIIFM: What’s in it for me?

What I disliked most about it was the discrimination that came with the WIIFM approach. To be selective of whom you interact with, on the basis of a utalitarian and materialistic mindset: ‘if you are a nobody, you aren't “worthy” of my card or my time’. In this same vein, I hated the narcissistic idea of people only initiate conversations with “famous” people just to get a selfie, post on their instagram, to use it to boost some likes. 

Plus, I didn’t like (what I perceived to be) inauthentic facade. This idea that you have to pretend to be someone else, to blend in. It felt so inauthentic and disingenuous. 

And of course, finally: the social anxiety. Growing up as an introvert, I used to get really anxious at the thought of mingling with strangers. What if I run out of things to say? What if people discover that I’m just this talentless, boring fella who they just “wasted” their business card and their time? 

It’s just so much easier stay in my social comfort zone!

The key to overcoming the aversion and anxiety of networking is answering this: How can we build relationships without being manipulative, while remaining true to our authentic selves AND get over the anxiety?

For me, there are many, but it all basically boils down to two main strategies: Mindset shift, and conversational technique. 

1. Mindset shift: Be a student. 

Be someone who is genuinely interested to learn about others - Ditch the transactional WIIFM thought. Don’t seek “what I can gain from them”. Instead, ask “what i can learn?” 

Your purpose of building connection is to learn and expand your knowledge of others. Not solely to obtain potential clients, future job potential, testimonials, or build “cables” to call in favors in the future. 

The core mindset here is to acknowledge that everyone has fascinating stories to tell. Your job is to give them a platform to share so you can uncover those gems. Take an interest to know about them - what they do, where they’re from, what brought them here, 

This reminds me of a beautiful piece of advice related by the legendary Muslim Tabi’ee scholar, Hasan Al-Basri about being humble: 

“True Humility is for you to leave your home, and believe that every single Muslim that you see is BETTER than you” (Ref: Minhaj Al-Qasidin, ibn Al-Jawzi)

This mindset of humility allows us to stay grounded, because we genuinely believe that other people must have some quality that is better than us - perhaps we just don’t know it yet!

When you approach conversations with this mindset, you naturally become a better listener. You’re not just pretending to listen, you really do want to take an interest to learn more. Their stories open up new perspectives, and eventually become your stories, too.

With this mindset, you won't be discriminating who “deserves” your attention, or pretend to be something that you’re not. 

In the occasional event that you DO establish relationships that unravel a great opportunity - such as an awesome client or your future career trajectory - then consider that a bonus, and not the main objective.

1. Conversational Strategy: Active Listening

To me, active listening is the superpower behind any interaction - especially when meeting new people. 

The key behind first-time networking conversations is to shine the spotlight on them, let them be the star of the conversation. ‘Ataa bin Abi Rabah, another Muslim scholar from the tabi’ee used to say:

“A young man came to me to inform me something (of knowledge), therefore I kept silent and listened, being fully attentive, as if I have never heard of it before, even though I have actually known about that matter before this man was even born” (Siyar A’lam An-Nubula 5/86)

Because of point #1 (your genuine interest to learn), it should be reflected by your words an actions by displaying a keen interest and a sense of wonder - “wow”, “fascinating”, “that’s so interesting”, “tell me more”. 

As they talk and reveal more stuff, pick up something you know a little bit about - or even at least have some degree of interest: a place, a subject, a hobby, children. Something you heard about, but you weren’t sure: Then hone in on that. Ask questions and allow them to correct you. Do these enough times, it eventually involves into a legit thrilling conversation and journey of discovery.

This achieves two things: Firstly, it takes of the mental pressure and anxiety for you to come up with things to say and risk sounding uninteresting. Secondly, by showing your interest, it removes THEIR anxiety, knowing they aren't just talking to themselves! This not only encourages them to share more, but generates a positive experience of your interaction. 

But… what if they dominate the conversation? What if you wind up stuck with a conversational narcissist? “When do I get to say something?”

Well, if we applied the mindset in #1 above, it shouldnt matter. We are here to learn, after all! 

What do you think? Do you still have an aversion and anxiety in networking? What are some strategies that you use?

6 Tips for Effective Discussion Facilitation - DEAS 2023

 

@Digital Energy Asia Summit (DEAS) 2023: 7-8 June, KL Convention Centre

Panel Discussion - “Process Safety and Cyber Security: Convergence towards Asset Protection” 

Alhamdulillah, I have been granted the opportunity to contribute as moderator of the plenary discussion at the DEAS 2023 conference. 

Being a moderator for a discussion in front of a live audience is always anxiety-inducing tough work, especially when we need to facilitate topics we aren’t very familiar with, such as what I had to handle in this case. 

Here are sometips and strategies I implemented to improve and enhance my role towards becoming an effective moderator: 

1. Preparation, preparation, preparation - I’m not an impromptu guy, and I never come to a panel session unprepared. Get the panelists’ bio, get help from subject matter experts to prepare the scripts and questions in advance (focusing on specific target panelists we point them to), inform the panelists before the event, spend some extra get to know the panelists so they are comfortable talking to you. Get a feel of the conference context: Come early to assess the venue and setup, listen to the other panel discussions and paper presentations, gauge the audience and presenters. And last but not least: rehearse!

2. Always have the audience in mind - “if you want to impress people, make things complicated. If you want to help people, keep it simple”. As a rule, I always keep things simple and grounded so people have actionable takeaway points. Always use practical real-world analogy which laymen can relate to, while keep a the tone of an excited, curious student. My favorite approach is, “Enlighten me: I always thought that (provide layman perspective here)”. 

Finally, minimize the use of complex terms and jargons. The mark of a true expert is the ability to keep it simple. In Einstein’s words: “if you can’t explain it simply, you don’t understand it well enough”.

3. Be ready to adjust and pivot - this is perhaps the most anxiety-inducing aspect of being a panel moderator. To me, the essence is point #1: be prepared. Once you’re very familiar with the core structure, overall message, and panelists' expertise and backgrounds, then you’ll have enough confidence and agility to shift things around as the discussion progresses.

4. Active Listening - To be a good moderator, we need to be more than just the “guy in between questions” who waits for the previous panelist to finish their points before moving to the next. A great moderator is able to relate the discussion points being raised, string the points together, make good callbacks and references, and form a cohesive message from what was discussed. And the only way we can achieve this is through Listening. Listen attentively, look out for interesting little threads that you can pick out, complement, magnify and relate, or seek clarification. 

And if you can’t find anything interesting? Just move on to the next question in the script!

5. Add levity and humor - Look at the title. Process Safety and Cyber Security: Convergence towards Asset Protection. Sounds dry, right? With very technical subjects like this, especially for a session lasting over 1 hour long, there’s always a risk of the discussion dragging on, and losing people’s interest. So, I always look for ways to interject some light-hearted banter and remarks to keep things engaging, exciting and add a degree of unpredictability, for that good ol’ dose of dopamine. 

6. Complement, don’t dominate - It’s always important to keep in mind, that the key is to make the panelists the star of the show, not the moderator. The real input should come from the experts - our primary role is to help retain audience attention by keeping the discussion alive and engaging. I’ve witnessed some forums where the moderator steals the show - and while that may sometimes look impressive, it is also a bit frustrating, when that dominance overshadows the panel of experts and sucks away their time & opportunity to share knowledge. 

Hope that helps!

What do you think? Any other ideas and strategies for effective discussion facilitation I should know of? Do share! 

When kids point out our mistakes: How do we respond? Tatkala ditegur anak2 #ParentingThoughts

 

“Abah, you forgot to put on your seatbelt!” 

“Hey, Ibu, you hurt me!”

“Abah, you didn’t wash your hands!”

“Hey Abah, you did it wrong! That’s not right”

“Abah, I heard you said (insert forbidden word here)!”

Kids just love to prove us wrong. They love hunting for our mistakes, scouting for errors, and critiquing our actions. Sometimes it can feel like they are these annoying little hunters, waiting for the opportune moment to pounce and ambush us. 

Why do they do this? Perhaps there is something inherently satisfying and empowering about being able to prove our parents wrong. Gotta admit, I used to have that attitude with my own parents too. Hey, it takes a thief to catch a thief, right? 😆 

What is our response - as parents - when they point out our mistakes? 

Typically, our immediate knee-jerk reaction in the moment, would either deny them, shoot them down, deflect blame back at them, become defensive, or get aggressive (or a mix of the above):

“yes, I know, OK!”; “I’m your father, I know better than you! What do you know?!”

“no I didn’t!”; 

“hek elehh… habis tu engkau tu?!”, “hey YOU also do that!”, 

“hey, it wasn’t my fault: YOU got in my way!”

Sound familiar? 

Is this the BEST way to handle these situations, though?

What we should remember is, every parental interaction is an opportunity to teach and educate. How we respond - when they point out our mistakes - is actually teaching THEM how THEY should respond if they receive those kind remarks from others in the outside world: at school, at university, and eventually their workplace. In fact, more directly, it teaches them how they would respond when WE point out THEIR mistakes! 

Situations like these open up opportunities for us to teach them: what is the correct attitude to receiving feedback, advice, reminders, or warnings. We teach them how to regulate our emotions, how to control our ego, and how to take these moments as learning opportunities to improve. 

And if we fail to demonstrate a good example in ourselves, how can we expect them to learn? Where else can they pick up good examples to learn from mistakes, if it’s not from us?  

Those kneejerk emo reactions aren’t very helpful besides feeding our ego just for the sake of winning arguments. Our children will get confused, as they receive mixed messages about whether something is right or wrong, especialy if our actions don’t quite match up to our words. Eventually, they will learn that “there’s no point to pointing out their mistakes. Just keep shut up, keep quiet, keep to myself to save myself the stress of my father’s backlash”. They will no longer feel motivated to give feedback or have the desire to improve others. Malas lah nak tegur, asyik kena sound. 

But beyond that, it subconsciously leaves a destructive legacy in our wake: If we become unnecessarily defensive, aggressive, egoistic, and be in denial, then that’s exactly what they will emulate when they go to school or the workplace.

So, what is the best thing to do when they point out our flaws or mistakes?

From what I’ve learnt, these are the best ways to respond:

1. Listen intently 👂🏼

2. Thank them 🤝🏼

3. Acknowledge our mistakes ✅

4. Acknowledge their efforts, and validate them if they were correct 🎁 (Few things are more enjoyable to a child than to hear the words “you’re right!” from the parent!)

5. Apologize and validate their emotions, if we need to 🙏🏼

6. Use the appropriate tone & emotions 💞 - Keep a friendly and welcoming tone when your mistakes are corrected, and sound genuinely remorseful if you accidentally hurt them or their feelings

In practice, it’s usually quite simple. Usually a 5-second phrase is all it takes:

💡 “Oh yeah, you’re right! Thanks, Muawyiah!” (while smiling in optimism)

💡 “Ohhh sorry my bag accidentally hit your face! Abah didn’t notice that” (squat down and assess the damage)

Not only does this immediately defuse the tension, but it teaches them to have a positive and receptive learning attitude. By acknowledging your mistakes and demonstrating to them that you are human, too and that you too make mistakes, you become more relatable and someone easier to emulate and immitate, rather than an imposing figure of authority who’s just barking instructions. 

Do this enough times, and it also helps them build their self-confidence and self-esteem in the long run, as we allow them to rectify our actions. Human beings have a need be heard and have our correctness validated. When their criticism is approved, they feel a sense of growth. And hopefully, inspire them too with the growth mindset - that we, too, are learning as adults. We don’t have all the answers!

Responding this way is easier said than done, of course. It can be a bit difficult in particularly stressful situations when you’re convinced that you’re right. But what I learnt was, this acknowledgement approach is practically the quickest way to de-escalate a situation, and move on. It’s a quick burst of intense sabr, followed by a very positive aftermath.

What I’ve also learnt is that this is a huge bonus in the long game of parenting: when you generously give in and let them win these little battles, they become less selfish and are more likely to give in, when you need them to: It eventually sets you up to win more battles later, as they will gladly concede their opinions!

But above all: You encourage them to keep up this attitude, because we want them to learn that it’s beneficial for others in society. 

As parents, as leaders, WE need to set the tone to shape this attitude to be a healthy, functional member of society, with long-term goals in mind. To shape them to become active members of community who steps up with the courage and ownership to encourage others to perform good (amr bil ma’ruf), and warn others from evil and crime (nahi anil munkar), in order to inculcate in them the characteristics of the best nation, as described by Allah: 

كُنتُمْ خَيْرَ أُمَّةٍ أُخْرِجَتْ لِلنَّاسِ تَأْمُرُونَ بِٱلْمَعْرُوفِ وَتَنْهَوْنَ عَنِ ٱلْمُنكَرِ وَتُؤْمِنُونَ بِٱللَّهِ 

“You are the best of nations that was brought forth for mankind, as you command towards the good, and forbid others from evil, and you have iman in Allah” (Surah Ali Imran, 3:110)

This is the essence of supplication that we are encouraged to make - to lead the righteous: 

يَقُولُونَ رَبَّنَا هَبْ لَنَا مِنْ أَزْوَٰجِنَا وَذُرِّيَّـٰتِنَا قُرَّةَ أَعْيُنٍۢ وَٱجْعَلْنَا لِلْمُتَّقِينَ إِمَامًا

“Oh our Lord, grant from our wives and offspring those who will be coolness of our eyes, and MAKE US A LEADER of the Righteous ones!” (Surah Al-Furqan 25:74)

Little things like these can go a long way. May Allah make us amongst those who humbly accept contrstructive feedback & positively Terima “teguran” anak2 😄

⚽ Nurturing the "team player” competency in our children

 

During one of our recent Raya gatherings, a cousin of mine told me he was very keen to send his son to proper football training academy. 

The interesting thing here is his intention and goals behind it: To develop the “team player” skillset. He wants his son to learn what it is to depend on each other, to complement each others’ strengths, and compensate for each others’ weaknesses, what to do when you let the team down, how to uplift each other, and to develop the patience to put up with each other’s antics, and differences in personalities, opinions, and backgrounds. More importantly, learn, through action, what it’s like to work together towards a shared goal: That it's not just about personal glory or being the “star player”. 

In essence, they learn to develop sabr in dealing with each other. Which is particularly interesting when we look at it from the perspective of a statement of Prophet Muhammad ﷺ: “the believer who mixes with people and bears their annoyance with patience, is better and will have a greater reward than the believer who does not mix with people and does not put up with their annoyance.” (Narrated by Ibn Majah / At-Tirmidzi). The more they train, the more they develop their EQ to put up with each other. 

Why football? 

He said, most of the other common sports - bowling, tennis, squash, badminton, sprinting, archery, swimming, sprinting - are largely grounded in individual (solo) performance. While tournaments and competition do try to incorporate team-based concepts by grouping and teams, the individual nature still relies on our solo performance, and the moment-to-moment activity doesn’t directly inculcate this team spirit. Though doubles for tennis/badminton might have some degree of teamwork, it isn’t quite as full-on team experience as football, or other sports such as hockey or basketball. 

I thought that was a brilliant goal: Nurture the “teamplayer” competency in our children, through team-based sports! Sports provides a platform to achieve a common goal, and have fun in the process.

Growing up, I never saw it from this perspective. Probably because I was “kaki bangku” and consistently terrible at football while growing up and never really had that “feeling” of teamwork. Because i was so lousy that people don’t pass me the ball to give me a chance to improve. Fair enough 🤣.

After 15+ years of working in the professional environment and volunteering for various different organizations, I have come to realize more and more that this spirit of collaboration and being a great team player is such an important skill to have - especially at the workplace and in volunteering. It’s one of those capabilities that can make or break your career, and even an organizations. Yet unfortunately, it’s rarely ever emphasized or taught in our formal education, and as a result, is kind of random: it totally depends on everyone’s individual upbringing and/or personalities. 

There are many people who excel as “high flyer” individual performers, but are terrible when it comes to collaborating with others in a team environment. Sometimes, because they know they are skilled, they have an arrogance about them which makes them difficult to work with. And because they haven’t developed the emotional intelligence to put up with others’ flaws, some of them become temperamental, even toxic co-workers, and have a harmful effect on the team’s morale. Yes, they may be intelligent or brilliant at what they do, but when you factor in all the other intangible damage that they cause, the costs are greater than the benefits they bring individually.

On the other hand, great team players have a tendency of uplifting the morale of the people around them, including their bosses and subordinates. They have the potential to instill trust, loyalty, and bring about a passionate enthusiasm that makes people want to go above and beyond the call of duty. They make the individuals produce more than the sum of their parts. Who wouldn't love to have a great team player onboard?

Islamically speaking, at its core, it’s ultimately about heeding the call to “help one another towards righteousness and piety” as Allah commands us in Surah Al-Maidah, ayah #2. 

I believe all of us need to play our part to place more emphasis in nurturing and developing this skill amongst our teams and our families. 

What are your thoughts on collaboration? Any other suggestions how we can develop and nurture the team spirit? What sports or activities are suitable towards developing this “team player” spirit?

This is what "Courage to Act" looks like to me

To me, our organization's cultural belief that resonates with me most – the common undercurrent that drives all of the other cultural beliefs – is the Courage to Act.

Think about it: When you need to be Customer Focused, to have the patience to endure constructive feedback, and listen patiently tough demands: You need courage.

When you aspire to embrace Innovate Now – to push boundaries, learn from your mistakes, endure the criticisms, fight off the self-doubts, learn from our past attempts, and rise stronger than ever: You need courage.

When you aspire to Be Enterprising – to pursue opportunities and embrace new norms beyond your comfort zone: You need courage

When you need to Speak Up against a clear-cut non-compliance, when you feel your reputation or your goodwill is on the line: You need courage.

 

And finally, what about leadership? You will always be tested with moments that the organization needs the leader in you to step up.

Sometimes, you cannot escape from making difficult decisions, some of which will get you disliked and unpopular. Sometimes, others depend on you in moments you have no idea what you’re doing! Sometimes, inculcating psychological safety requires us to be vulnerable, endure difficult conversations, and regulate your emotions.

All of these require courage.

Is it easy? No! But it’s necessary. Is it scary? Absolutely – in fact, at times, it’s downright terrifying!

But as Nelson Mandela said,

“I learned that courage was not the absence of fear, but the triumph over it. 

The brave man is not he who does not feel afraid, but he who conquers that fear."

Mike Tyson’s Coach, Cus D’Amato had an interesting take on courage:

“What is the difference between a hero and a coward?

They both feel the same: Fear.

They both fear dying and getting hurt. The coward refuses to face up to what he's got to face.

The hero is more disciplined, and he fights those feelings off, and he does what he has to do.”

It’s in those moments of fear, our true character is tested: do we rise to the occasion and embrace the tough challenges, or do we cower away and give excuses?

As we embrace the uncertain future, the organization needs YOU and me – all of us – with the courage to step up. Let’s be the change that we want to see! 

Muawiyah's First Hospitalization Experience - 1st to 5th May 2023

 

وَإِذَا مَرِضْتُ فَهُوَ يَشْفِينِ ٨٠

"And when I am Ill, it is He (Allah - the Lord of the Worlds) who Cures me" (Surah Ash-Shu'ara, 26:80)

Alhamdulillah, discharged today - Muawiyah is back home with his beloved tois. Thank you uncles and aunties for your du'aa and well wishes, barakAllahu fikum ❤️🤲🏼. 

Muawiyah's first ever hospitalization experience came hot on the heels of our Raya holidays after returning to Miri. Since his ibu needed to care for baby adik Rumaysa at home, and we were in Miri by ourselves, I needed to take a few days off from work to accompany and care for him. 

 

Gotta admit, initially, the thought did cross my mind.. “sayang nya” have to take leave, 2+ days gone.. but then I remind myself: Well, what’s the point of 'work', and 'time off', anyway? It can't just be for vacations and holidays: Here’s your chance to step up, be present for your son and provide the quality time and affection in times he needs the most.

Alhamdulillah, as a father, I actually feel glad that he has gone through it, confronted his phobia of doctors and fear of hospitals, and that I was able to be there for him. 

Special thanks to Uncle Syahmi, Aunty Najla, Kakak Amrah & family for sharing those gifts, especially the awesome books (his favorite is “Meet Chase, the Police-Bot”) and the thoughtful greeting cards by Yaasir, and cousins Nuh and Ibrahim - Jazakumullahu khayran! 😊

May Allah continue to grant all of us Al-Afiyah in dunya and akhirah

When The Messenger of Allah was asked, what is the best du'aa, he replied, 

سَلِ اللَّهَ الْعَفْوَ وَالْعَافِيَةَ فِي الدُّنْيَا وَالْآخِرَةِ، فَإِذَا أُعْطِيتَ الْعَافِيَةَ فِي الدُّنْيَا وَالْآخِرَةِ فَقَدْ أَفْلَحْتَ‏.‏

"Ask Allah for forgiveness and well-being in this world and the Hereafter. 

When you are given well-being in this world and the Next, then you have achieved true success."

(Narrated by Adab Al-Mufrad of Al-Bukhari, #637)

IV insertion: Reflections

 

This was the first time Muawiyah had an IV insertion to his palm. Inserting the IV catheter is a very painful experience - even for us adults - the Paediatrician Doctor forewarned that children are expected to shout, cry, and fight back. 

Brace yourself 🙈

It went as expected - and I'm glad the doctor gave this heads up. By flushing it out early, at least we can set up our  expectations and be prepared. 

Oof.. It was difficult. Even looking at his response was painful. Throughout the entire time, I could see it in his eyes that he was crying for help, yet there was nothing I could do, except be present, hold his hand and say comforting words.  

Alhamdulillah, Muawiyah has been recovering well since then; but oh boy, was it a touching experience for a parent - One made even more profound as I am immediately reminded of the following verses in surah Al-Waqi'ah #83-85, where Allah describes the experience we go through when we witness other people people in their last moments on the deathbed: 

فَلَوْلاَ إِذَا بَلَغَتِ الْحُلْقُومَ - وَأَنتُمْ حِينَئِذٍ تَنظُرُونَ - وَنَحْنُ أَقْرَبُ إِلَيْهِ مِنكُمْ وَلَـكِن لاَّ تُبْصِرُونَ 

"Then - while you are seeing in the moment - why do you not (intervene) when (the dying soal) reaches the throat? 

But We are closer to him than you, but you do not see.."

We will all go through a similar experience. In the final moments of our life in this world, when the Angel of Death comes to greet us to take our souls. Perhaps we will be surrounded by the ones we love - those who would care for us, comfort us, yet they can't do anything to ease the experience: All they can do is look at us. 

For the righteous among us, Allah will send beautiful angels, will pleasant appearance and fragrances, comforting our souls to meet a Lord who is Pleased. 

As scary as it will be, it will be a journey of hope and optimism, accompanied by beautiful friends with beautiful words, with a firm promise, that the best is yet to come. 

These angels will be telling us "don't fear, don't be sad - receive the happy news of Paradise, that has been Promised. We were your friends in this world - though you do not see - and so would we be in the Hereafter, and there in Paradise you will have all you desire, as an entertainment from the All-Forgiving, All-Merciful (Surah Fussilat 41:30-32). 

But for the sinners and disbelievers, it will be a terrifying experience, made even more terrifying by the thought that the worse is yet to come.

May Allah grant us all a good ending (husnul khatimah)

🤒 When our children fall sick #ParentingThoughts

It’s a real test to the parents when our children fall ill - They might refuse anything we give them, maybe even totally reject any of our attempts to comfort them. In their emotional state of pain, they may even yell hurtful things at us, or even get physically violent. 

It’s not easy or a pleasant experience and in times like these, I always remind myself of the following: 

1. WE need to be the rock -  In moments of pain and suffering, human beings tend to be emotionally compromised & lose capacity of rational thought, especially children who haven’t fully developed their emotional intelligence.Therefore, whatever nasty things they say or respond to us, don’t take it personally. In siuations like this, as the parent, we need to hold ourselves steady as the emotional pillar for them to lean on, in order for us to be in the best position to help. As much as it seems they don’t want or need us, they don’t really mean it: this is when they are at their most vulnerable and it’s in these times they need us the most.

2. Be firm, gentle AND kind - Of course, times like this, many kids tend to refuse treatment or seeing medical professional; these are times when we need to put our “kesian” thoughts (i.e. feelings of pity) aside and make firm decisions on what’s best for them. And at all times, maintain the approach of kindness and gentleness. The Prophet ﷺ said,

 

يَا عَائِشَةُ إِنَّ اللَّهَ رَفِيقٌ يُحِبُّ الرِّفْقَ وَيُعْطِي عَلَى الرِّفْقِ مَا لاَ يُعْطِي عَلَى الْعُنْفِ وَمَا لاَ يُعْطِي عَلَى مَا سِوَاهُ ‏"‏ ‏.‏

'O A'isha, verily Allah is kind and He loves kindness and gives upon kindness which he does not give upon harshness, and does not give anything quite like He does as he does in gentleness” (Muslim)

3. Remember: Every second of your patience will be rewarded by Allah - Even though the physical pain might be felt by them, but as parents, we too also experience some degree of psychological and emotional pain and anxiety going through the ordeal. All of these will be rewarded by Allah. The Prophet ﷺ said,

مَا يُصِيبُ الْمُسْلِمَ مِنْ نَصَبٍ وَلاَ وَصَبٍ وَلاَ هَمٍّ وَلاَ حُزْنٍ وَلاَ أَذًى وَلاَ غَمٍّ حَتَّى الشَّوْكَةِ يُشَاكُهَا، إِلاَّ كَفَّرَ اللَّهُ بِهَا مِنْ خَطَايَاهُ ‏

“No fatigue, nor disease, nor sorrow, nor sadness, nor hurt, nor distress befalls a Muslim, even if it were the prick he receives from a thorn, except that Allah forgives some of his sins for that." (Al-Bukhari, Muslim)

4. Think long term: Lastly, I always remind myself to think of the big picture  - to Lead by Example. Perhaps, when they become parents, they will subconsciously apply the same humanity and compassion to their children too. And Allah will reward you for that legacy, too.

May Allah grant us the patience to care for our little ones with compassion and mercy.