This hadith is one of the most emotionally touching, heartbreaking yet simultaneously inspiring and hopeful narrations about a man who stopped coming to the gatherings of the Prophet ﷺ after the death of his little boy. It hits really deep, especially when I think of my little children like my boi Muawiyah whom I always bring to the masjid.
The hadith reminds us that life is short, is a limited gift from Allah to us to make the best of, and death can come at any moment. We need to appreciate and make best use of every moment with our loved ones while they’re still with us.
And it also provides a lot of hope, that death isn’t the absolute end. There is life hereafter, and we die in iman (faith), we will be united with those we love. And there is a special reward that Allah reserves for the parents who endured the painful experience of having their child die at a young age.
It’s a deep insight into the phrase we recite during times of calamities as taught by Allah in surah Al-Baqarah:
“قإِنَّا لِلَّهِ وَإِنَّآ إِلَيْهِ رَٰجِعُونَ”
(Verily, we Belong to Allah, and to Him, we shall all return)
HADITH:
عن أبيه عن خالد بن ميسرة عن معاوية بن قرة عن أبيه قال : كان نبي الله صلى الله عليه و سلم إذا جلس جلس إليه نفر من أصحابه و منهم رجل له ابن صغير يأتيه من خلف ظهره فيقعده بين يديه فهلك فامتنع الرجل أن يحضر الحلقة بذكر ابنه فحزن عليه ففقده النبي صلى الله عليه و سلم فقال : ما لي لا أرى فلانا ؟ فقالوا : يا رسول الله بنيه الذي رأيته هلك فلقيه النبي صلى الله عليه و سلم فسأله عن بنيه فأخبره أنه هلك فعزاه عليه ثم قال : يا فلان أيما كان أحب إليك أن تمتع به عمرك أو لا تأتي غدا إلى باب من أبواب الجنة إلا وجدته قد سبقك إليه يفتحه لك ؟ قال : يا رسول الله بل يسبقني إلى باب الجنة يفتحها لي أحب إلي قال : فذلك لك ] رواه النسائي و هذا لفظه و رواه الإمام أحمد و البيهقي و هذا لفظه [ و رواه الإمام أحمد و البيهقي و زادا : فقال رجل : يا رسول الله أله خاصة أم لكلنا ؟ قال : بل لكلكم ]
From Muawiyah bin Qurrah from his father, who narrated:
When the Prophet ﷺ would sit, a group of companions would sit with him. Among them was a man who had a young boy, whom he always brought with him to sit together in those gatherings. This boy would approach his father from behind, and the father would carry him and put him on his lap.
The Prophet ﷺ asked him, “do you love him?”
He was so happy that he said, “O Messenger of Allah ﷺ, may Allah love you as much as I love him!”
Some time later, the boy had passed away. Feeling intense sadness, the man stopped coming to the gatherings of the Prophet ﷺ, because it reminded him of his son.
The Prophet ﷺ noticed his absence and asked, “why do I not see so-and-so?”
They replied, “O Messenger of Allah ﷺ, the young boy you saw had died.”
The Prophet ﷺ therefore visited this man and asked him about his young boy. The man informed that his son was dead. The Prophet ﷺ said to him,
“O so-and-so, which would be more beloved to you:
That you enjoy him (alive) for the rest of your life, or that you would not come tomorrow to any gate of the gates of Paradise, except to find that he has preceeded you to it to open it for you?”
The man replied, “O Prophet of Allah, it is more beloved to me, that he precedes me to the gate of Paradise to open it for me.”
He ﷺ said, “and this will be for you.”
A man amongst the Ansar asked, “O Messenger of Allah - is this for him specifically, or for all of us?”
He ﷺ replied, “rather, it is for any of you (who goes through the same experience)”
(Ahmad, Al-Bayhaqi, An-Nasa’ee)
Just look at the loving fatherly way he expressed his love: “O Messenger of Allah ﷺ, may Allah love you as much as I love him!” - when we know, this man’s love for his son - as great as it is - is nothing compared to the Love of Allah on His creation, especially to Rasulullah ﷺ, His Most Beloved. In fact, it isn’t even a fraction of ONE part of Allah’s Love and Mercy, after Allah divides it into 100 parts. That one part of Allah’s mercy is for all the love for all of creation to each other!
When the child passed away, he was understandably devastated to the point where he stopped attending circles of gathering of Rasulullah ﷺ, and he noticed the man’s absence.
And an interesting side benefit, this hadith also illustrates amazing little human touch the Prophet Muhammad ﷺ had as a leader. Though he had thousands of followers, he ﷺ was consciously aware of the presence of his companions, and would notice the absence of specific individuals in his gatherings. Similar stories in other instances: in the famous hadith about the dark-skinned lady who used to voluntarily sweep the floor of the mosque, when she suddenly passed away, the companions didn’t inform him because they didn’t think it was significant news.
But to him ﷺ, it was significant. It was so significant that he immediately went to her graveyard and offered funeral prayer there.
Put yourself in the shoes of the companions: imagine how uplifting it would be to have a the top leader who knows, recognizes, and appreciates you!
In this hadith, when the Prophet ﷺ went to meet the grieving father who was devastated with the loss of his son, the Prophet ﷺ here is demonstrating a powerful coaching technique: the power of asking questions, instead of directly consoling the man or giving him advice.
In all fairness, if there was one person most deserving to give advice, it would be Prophet Muhammad, the Messenger of Allah ﷺ! He could have just said, “don’t worry, your son has preceded you in Paradise; and if you remain patient, he will open the gate of Paradise to welcome you!”
Instead, he conveyed the message indirectly through a question, to trigger his rational thinking: “Would you instead prefer to enjoy this child for the rest of your life?”
It was powerful food for thought: Your child isn’t going to be a child forever. He will grow up, and eventually both of you will die. Whether you, or him, sooner or later, death will come anyway. And if you remain patient, with the passing of your son, Allah will reward you with Paradise, and your son himself will be welcoming you there.
Our children are a gift from Allah. Appreciate that gift.
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