👂🏽Being a Better Listener

Public speaking gets a lot of hype. Sure, but How many of us emphasize good listening? 

In many ways, being a great listener is an even more important life skill: for learning & development, building better relationships, strengthening rapport, resolving conflicts, influence, even negotiation. 

In his book, "Never Split the Difference", EX-FBI hostage negotiator writes about the role and importance of Listening in every negotiation (and yes, including the infamous task of "negotiating with terrorists"):

"Emotions and emotional intelligence (are) central to effective negotiation, not things to be overcome. 

It all starts with the universally applicable premise that people want to be understood and accepted. Listening is the cheapest, yet most effective concession we can make to get there. By listening intensely, a negotiator demonstrates empathy and shows a sincere desire to better understand what the other side is experiencing.

Psychotherapy research shows that when individuals feel listened to, they tend to listen to themselves more carefully and to openly evaluate and clarify their own thoughts and feelings. In addition, they tend to become less defensive and oppositional and more willing to listen to other points of view, which gets them to the calm and logical place where they can be good Getting to Yes problem solvers.

Contrary to popular opinion, listening is not a passive activity. It is the most active thing you can do." (End Quote) 

Likewise, Scholars of the past would constantly emphasize the importance and etiquette of effective listening: 

Ibrāhīm ibn al-Junayd advised his child:

"Learn the art of good listening just as you learn the art of good speech. Among the traits of good listening are: giving the speaker time until they finish, maintaining focus without darting your eyes away, facing them directly with your demeanor, and refraining from interrupting." (Kitāb al-Ṣamt - Book of Silence).

 

​Aṭāʾ ibn Abī Rabāḥ (عطاء بن أبي رباح) — the famous Tābiʿī, scholar, and Muftī of Makkah (d. 114 AH / 732 CE) said, 

​"A young man will share a narration (piece of knowledge) with me, and I listen to him as though I have never heard it before, even though I had already learned it before he was born." (Al-Adab al-Mufrad) 

The great tabi'ee, ​Al-Ḥasan al-Baṣrī, advised his students on conversation etiquette:

"When you sit in the company of scholars, be more eager to listen than you are to speak. Learn how to listen well just as you learn how to speak well, and never cut off anyone's speech." (Jāmiʿ Bayān al-ʿIlm wa-Faḍlih)

Sufyān ibn ʿUyaynah, teacher of imam Ash-Shafiee said, 

"The beginning of knowledge is listening, then understanding, then memorizing, then acting upon it, then disseminating it."

Let's make Listening Great again!