Great Husband - a 'forgotten' sunnah..?

Reading into the seerah (history) of the Prophet Muhammad (sallAllahu alayhi wasallam), we see an exemplary role model throughout all facets of life. He was a great teacher, a great leader, a beloved friend and companion, an honest and skillfull businessman, a great student, etc; but above all, what really proved his genuineness, was that above all that:

He was the best of husbands.

How unfortunate that these days, many amongst the men, when it comes to the word “sunnah” and “marriage”, the only thing they talk about is about “more than 1” – forsaking the greater sunnah : being a GREAT HUSBAND in the first place.

How much have we forgotten the following sunnah of being a husband –

- Doing the house chores and serving the family at home (Sahih Al-Bukhari Vol. 1, Book 11, Hadith 644)

- Consult and LISTEN to your wife’s advice (Al-Bukhari, Book #50, Hadith 891)

- If your wife didn’t cook, then don’t complain, just fast (Sahih Muslim, Book 6, Hadith 2574). In fact, never criticize ANY food for that matter (Al-Bukhari, Vol. 7, Book 65, Hadith 320)

- He was so loving that he would kiss his wives just before he left the house to go for prayers (Sunan At-Tirmidzi, Vol. 1, Book 1, Hadith 86, graded hasan) even while in a state of fasting (Muslim, Book 6, Hadith 2446),

- He would openly express his love for his wife, even amongst his friends (Al-Bukhari, Vol. 5, Book 57, Hadith 14)

And many more! We’re only scratching the surface of some examples on how the Prophet was an exemplary husband – this on top of him being a cheerful, loving, caring, and patient. How he was with his companions, he was even better with his own family – especially to the wife.

And he gave the criteria of those who are the best of mankind:

أكمل المؤمنين إيماناً أحسنهم خلقاً وخياركم خياركم لنسائهم

“The most perfect man in his faith among the believers is the one whose behaviour is most excellent;

and the best of you are those who are the best to their wives." (Narrated by At-Tirmidzi, Vol. 1, Book 7, Hadith 1162, graded hasan)

“خَيْرُكُمْ خَيْرُكُمْ لأَهْلِهِ وَأَنَا خَيْرُكُمْ لأَهْلِي”

"The best of you is the one who is best to his wife (family), and I am the best of you to my wives."

(Sunan ibn Majah Vol. 3, Book 9, Hadith 1977, graded hasan)

My dear brothers, the Prophet gave the benchmark of being the “best” as how well we treat our wives – because our character in private, is a true representation of who we really are.

We can fool everyone with our public appearance, but we can’t fool the wife.

On the Day (of Judgment) when people will be blaming other for their shortcomings, how well have you treated the one who knows you the most?

Because seriously, if you’re lousy with one, then don’t be lousy with two. Or three. Have mercy on our sisters.

A reminder for myself and to you – Let’s endeavour to follow the Sunnah of the Prophet holistically towards becoming the best of husbands.

Remember: The best of men was the best to his wives.

Merciful Parenting

In my recent Miri – KL flight, I sat on the same row with a Dutch family: mom, dad, a 2-year old daughter, and a 4-year old son (well ok, turning 4 ‘tomorrow’).

It was a delightful observation seeing how these parents interact with their children. Firstly, I noticed they would give full-time attention to their children – they would talk to them like adults, they would converse, ask questions. Even when their children played games on the iPad, they would interact and pretend to “learn how to play” the game from the kids.

But at no point in time, did the parents just ignore the kids and do their ‘own thing’: play the iPad, fiddle with their smartphones, read the newspaper, talk about politics, etc.. nope. Full time attention. They were all like best friends on a ride.

And they – especially the mother – would constantly smile, say positive things of encouragement to them all the time – I never heard them rebuke or scold them.

Whenever the children threw a tantrum or started to misbehave; depending on the level of seriousness, the parents will either (1) stare at the child and reason/negotiate with them, or (2) stop smiling and just ignore them. Because the kids are not used to their mommy not smiling, this will drive them nuts, and eventually they will ‘pujuk’/negotiate to restore the status back to normal.

But the parents never raised their voice, say negative things, or flare up against the kid. Sure, the tantrums would sometimes be annoying to people and it does take a while to cool down, but it eventually got the job done.

And when 4-year old Tim introduced himself to me, surprisingly, it wasn’t me who initiated the conversation.

And when I studied in Australia, I recalled many parents adopting this style.

Us Asians are so used to scolding the kids, constantly telling them “don’t do this”, negative expressions (e.g. “I don’t know what to do with you”), so used to doing our own thing and ignoring the little ones, only giving them gadgets so they just run off and leave us in peace.

And when they become teens they alienate themselves because we didn’t invest the effort to be their best friends, in their important years..?

Ajeeb.. We say “Buangkan yang keruh, ambil yang jernih” (Leave off the bad aspects, and take the good aspects of other cultures), yet how surprising it is, that we emulate ‘Mat Salleh’ in our dressing, our slangs, our entertainment, our culture and superstititions, yet we don’t emulate them in upbringing of their children.

Granted, this was only a 2-hour plane ride, but it was an enlightening experience, observing the family. It gave a little snapshot on - perhaps - what would be the sunnah of the Prophet Muhammad (sallAllahu alayhi wasallam) when it comes to parenting styles.

Take heed, ayuhal Muslimun! Raise our future leaders well!

Anas ibn Malik said, “I served the Prophet for ten years (i.e. since I was four years old until I was fourteen), and never once did said to me, "Uf" (a minor harsh word denoting impatience, raising his voice) and never did he blame me by saying, "Why did you do so or why didn't you do so?"

(Sahih Al-Bukhari, Book 73, Hadith 64)

The Prophet Muhammad said,

“Whoever is not merciful and compassionate towards the young among us, and does not recognize the honour of the elderly among us, he is not from us” (Narrated in Tirdmizi, Book 27 Hadith 2044, graded hasan)

A few desert Arabs once came to the Prophet and said: “Do you kiss your children?”

He said: “Yes.”

Thereupon they said: “By Allah but we do not kiss our children!”

Thereupon the Prophet said: “Then what can I do if Allah has deprived you (i.e. your heart) of mercy and compassion?”

(Sahih Muslim, Book 30, Hadith 5735)

In another narration, he responded

“Those who do not show compassion and mercy (to others), will not be shown compassion and mercy (by Allah)”

(Sahih Al-Bukhari, Book 73, Hadith 42)

Always Start with Prayer

During our 2014 work planning workshop, our boss – a Christian – said the following statement in his opening remarks:

“One of the reasons I think we failed to perform our best in 2013 was we always forget to start work by making prayers.

We work as if we think we can do it all by ourselves, but in fact we forget the most important success factor must come from God.

So this year in 2014, let’s make it a commitment to always begin by prayers and asking God for success in the things that we do.”

SubhanAllah – When you forget, Allah sends reminders to you in ways you do not expect.

Ya ma’shar al-Muslimeen – how often do YOU remember to ask Allah? How often do YOU remind others to remember Allah?

How often do we arrogantly attribute our success to our own accord, and how often do we sincerely ask of and humble ourselves before the One Who is the Ultimate Source of all Success (Al-Fattah) – the All-Generous (Al-Jawwad), All-Responsive of those who ask of Him (Al-Mujeeb)?

So let us always remember to make sincere du’aa to Allah and always ask of Him, and as a means of nearness to Him – let’s not turn du’aa into a mere ‘ritual’ that we only say “ameen” when the imam recites a script.

Let us never forget to always ask Allah to grant us success in all our matters of Dunya and Akhirah.

As the poet he says,

“the son of Adam, the more you ask of him, he gets angry,

Whereas Allah gets angry if you stop asking Him”

“And your Lord has proclaimed – ‘make Du’aa (call upon/ask of) Me, surely I will respond to You.

Verily, whoever is too arrogant to worship Me will enter Hell, humiliated!” (Surah Ghafir 40:60)

The Prophet Muhammad (sallAllahu alayhi wasallam) said:

“There is no person who asks Allah for anything, except that Allah Grants it to him, or keeps away from him a similar evil,

As long as he does not ask for something evil, or for breaking the ties of kinship”

When a person heard this, he immediately said, “In that case, we will ask for plenty (from Allah)!”

The Prophet responded “Allah (is even) more plentiful (than all you can ask)!”

(Narrated by at-Tirmidzi who graded it hasan sahih)

So Who Celebrates the Birthday of the Prophet Muhammad (sallAllahu alayhi wasallam)?

Has there ever been, anyone who celebrated the birthday throughout the seerah (lifetime) of the Prophet Muhammad (sallAllahu alayhi wasalam)?

Yes there is! One man – a relative of the Prophet.

On the day of the birth of Muhammad (sallAllahu alayhi wasalam), he was so overjoyed, that he celebrated by freeing his slave girl Thuwaybah. (Sahih Al-Bukhari, Book #62, Hadith #38)

A man so legendary that he is mentioned in the Qur'an.

But later on when Muhammad was commissioned with the task of Prophethood, he became one of the worst enemies of Islam.

His name is Abu Lahab. Verses about him go as follows:

"Perish the two hands of Abu Lahab (uncle of the Prophet), and perish he!

His wealth and his children (etc.) will not benefit him!

He will be burnt in a Fire of blazing flames"

(Surah Al-Masad 111)

So Abu Lahab celebrated it.

So what about us? What should we do?

Let’s resolve this issue by referring to the guidelines and advice of the Prophet (sallAllahu alayhi wasallam) –

“He among you who lives long enough (after I have gone), will see many differences.

So upon you, is to hold on to my sunnah, and the sunnah of the rightly guided successors (Khulafa ar-Rashideen) – Cling to them firmly with your molar teeth!

Beware of every newly-introduced matter, for every innovation (bid’ah) is misguidance”

(Narrated by Abu Daud and At-Tirmidzi, who graded is as hasan sahih)

Let’s follow the path of the companions, who loved the Prophet the most - by benefitting from his teachings : by learning it, acting upon it, conveying to others, and reviving his sunnah,

and by strengthening our knowledge so that we can defend our beloved religion in times of adversity, and not react in immature manners which tarnish the image of our beloved Deen  and cause other not-yet-Muslims to hate us.

Let’s follow the path of the companions, who didn’t sing songs or parade streets on a day which no one truly knows is the actual date of his birth. No, they did not practice it.

If we truly love someone, we don’t just show our love on his birthday.

We aren't just talking about a group of people here, we are talking about a generation of the best Muslims, who understood and practiced Islam the best, so much so that they were  given the Seal of Approval from Allah and His Messenger.

The Prophet said:

“The best of people are those of my generation (my companions)" (Sahih Al-Bukhari, Book #48, Hadith #819), 

 

“And the first forerunners [in the faith] among the Muhajireen and the Ansar and those who followed them with good conduct - Allah is pleased with them and they are pleased with Him” (Surah Taubah 9:100)

None of them practiced it.

So my brothers and sisters - let's ponder upon this heavy question: 

 

If, without celebrating the birthday of the Prophet, it was good enough for Allah to be Pleased with them,

and it was good enough for them to earn the highest levels of Jannah al-Firdaus, 

it should be good enough for us.

Let’s continuously study his seerah so we can develop a genuine love and respect for this great man whom many have venerated across the centuries, Muslims and non-Muslims alike.

The Prophet said,

“None of you will have complete Iman (Faith) until he loves me more than his father, his children and all of mankind”

(Sahih Al-Bukhari, Vol. 1, Hadith 14)

When the Young Ones become Leaders.

In the Youth Camp, amongst the participants and the committee, many a times, the team leaders who were appointed are not necessarily the oldest or most experienced person. And within those situations lie lessons in loyalty, respect, patience and wisdom

We witnessed some amazing examples amongst the team members : there’s one particular brother who was much older than everyone else within the team – in fact, senior enough to be their parents’ age - yet he actively cooperated with all his young team leader’s instructions, proactive in obtaining solutions, never complained about tasks, and steadfastly stuck to his post despite the rough challenges and lack of sleep. It was very motivating to the team, and he became a defining example of what it means to be a true team player.

But on the other hand, we also witnessed some severe cases of insubordination and lack of respect. Some individuals simply refused to listen to their leader, ignored instructions or just did according to what they saw fit, because “this young man, he doesn’t know what he’s doing.” They became a toxic influence to the team, and pulled the lazy ones with them.

Sometimes a person is given a position of leadership and responsibility, due to merit or any other reason, even though he may be among the younger and less experienced. We witness this in our workplace, the corporate world, even in charity and da’wah organizations - in fact we even have examples in the Seerah of the Prophet Muhammad (sallAllahu alayhi wasallam).

The Prophet ecognized that it was to be a potential source of conflict for many years to come. So amongst his final advice to us –
“I enjoin you to have taqwa (consciousness, fear) of Allah,
And that you LISTEN and OBEY, even if a slave is appointed as a ruler over you.
He among you who lives long enough (after I have gone), will see many differences.
So upon you, is to observe my sunnah, and the sunnah of the rightly guided successors (Khulafa ar-Rashideen) – Cling to them firmly with your molar teeth!”

(Narrated by Abu Daud and At-Tirmidzi who graded is 'hasah sahih', Hadith #28 in The compilation "40 Hadith" by Imam An-Nawawi)

The companions displayed utmost respect and loyalty to their leader, as long as orders were not in contradiction to Islam: no matter the age, the 'status in society', or level of ‘competency’ of the leader.
They understood that the most important greater good is to achieve unity. Even if they disagree with certain decisions, they would sort it out by mutual consultation and advice with their leaders and not influence the rest. They would propose solutions, but respect if they are turned down. They become active team members who actively work towards achieving common victory and not personal glory.

On the other hand, the munafiqoon (hypocrites) like Abdullah ibn Ubayy ibn Salul, would always question the leaders’ instructions, and instead of mutual advice and consultation, would much rather spread rumours and gossip amongst the group, splitting up the ranks and causing disunity – supposedly because “they know better”.

An important reminder to myself and to you - we should ask ourselves – as team players, are we acting like sahabah, or like munafiqun?


#AKYC2013 #akyc #akycyolo

Don't Let Your Guard Down, Don't be Complacent!

In the caving activity, armed with only a headlight, we were tasked navigate into a pitch-black, narrow cave, full of sharp stalagmites and stalactites, with water up to our hips (and for some, water up to their necks) – very hazardous.

The amazing thing was that no one in our groups got hurt throughout the entire caving activity, alhamduilillah.

An amazing lesson we also learnt, however, was what happened AFTER the caving activity: someone had an injury OUTSIDE the cave while on solid, flat ground. Apparently, he was waving at his friend while walking, and tripped over a tree root, fell and slightly injured his knee. 

Let's analyze the situation..
When we navigated through the cave, we were conscious of the fact that we were going to enter a danger zone, so we put super extra care to ensure our safety – we studied our environment carefully, attentively observed where our feet and hands went, we communicated with the people in front and behind us – safe.

Interestingly, this is exactly how the companion Ubayy ibn Ka’ab described “taqwa” – consciousness of God / fear of God's punishment.
Ubayy said to Umar ibn Al-Khattab, "Have you ever walked on a path that has thorns on it''
`Umar said, "Yes.''
Ubayy said, "What did you do then''
He said, "I rolled up my sleeves and struggled (carefully, to avoid the thorns).''
Ubayy said, "That is Taqwa.''

So we navigated the cave with taqwa. But the minute we exited the cave, as we walked through wide, flat and familiar ground, we felt ‘safe’, so we became lax and complacent, we let our guard down, and *wham*!

Lessons learnt:
اتَّقِ اللَّهَ حَيْثُمَا كُنْتَ
“Have taqwa (consciousness) of Allah wherever you may be”
(Hadith Narrated by at-Tirmidzi, graded hasan)

Many of us, when we are going to enter ‘dangerous’ environments or places – ones that you KNOW are full of haram and prohibited things – whether its in gatherings of idle talk, ‘parties’, ‘red light’ city areas, dodgy stuff on television, dodgy websites, shopping malls, political-slander articles, etc – we become conscious of our actions, we are more careful in resisting temptations, and fending off the bad stuff.

But when we enter ‘safer’ territory – say, with ‘good company’ of friends or other ‘practicing’ people – we tend to let our guard down, and shaytan takes us for a ride to fall into all sorts of haram. Some very common examples :

Talking about absolutely useless and non-beneficial things for the sake of ‘strengthening brotherhood’,
backbiting other individuals in the name of “safeguarding the Deen from corrupt individuals” or “saving other people from their harm”,
interaction with non-mahrams of the opposite gender “just talking about religion”, private discussions and ‘overly friendly’ (to the point of flirting) with non-mahrams under the guise of “doing da’wah together”,
gossiping with others about a person with the intention that “we actually want to help him and want to find a solution together”,
not having khusyoo’ in prayer because of thinking about your good deeds (e.g. planning your da’wah activity, how to please your mother, what good advice to share on facebook);
When staying at home with the family, there's a tendency to do more useless things and waste time because we think we are 'spending time with the family'..

– the list goes on.

These are areas where we are most vulnerable – especially Muslims who are sincere on being better individuals, but sometimes fall into error. We need to keep our guard up to ensure we don’t get tricked and fall into sin,  yet still be convinced we are doing the right thing. Remember the story of Barsisah.

Remember the advice of the Prophet - have taqwa WHEREVER you may be. Always take a step back, keep your ikhlas (sincerity) in check, be honest with yourself, be honest with Allah and ask Him to guide you, then tread carefully and don't be complacent –

.. and help others if you are seeing them slipping away. Nobody is free from error, myself included.

This is a reminder to myself and to you - Let us help each other towards taqwa and righteousness – in the same way the person(s) behind and in front of us warns us of impending hazards ahead =)





(Your Own Life Observation [YOLO] AK Youth Camp 2013)
#yolo #akyc2013 #akyc

The Morale Effect

If there’s one valuble lesson I learned in the Youth Camp, it’s one thing – the rules of Organizational Behaviour are every bit as applicable to teenagers, as they are applicable to adults in the corporate world, and to a Jemaah as a whole. 
Situations can sometimes get very rough and difficult – and whether we realize it or not, our reactions to different situations have a major impact towards affecting the morale of the team or the organization around us.
The reality is, in these situations, everyone feels tired, pressured, or stressed – the difference is, what we choose to do as a reaction.

And that difference can make or break the team.
When one person starts throwing in the towel, sighs, complains about the situation, it has an immediate effect to those around him/her. Other weaker team members will feel relieved that there is one who is on ‘the same boat’, and just surrenders to the pressure, lose their steam, eventually affecting the entire team’s morale and enthusiasm. But the stronger ones will ignore this and just keep pushing.

On the other hand, when a person, despite the stress, tiredness and pressure he feels, still maintains a positive and enthusiastic vibe, still pulling his weight, still helping to push the team to greater heights, it gives a certain amount of energizing motivation to the team. And other stronger team members can pick this up and show their support – and the team will deliver far beyond what they were originally capable of, achieving results greater than the sum of its parts.


And this is exactly what happens in an organization or company. Your whining and complaining can wear the team down; in the same way that your enthusiasm and determination can motivate the team beyond expectations.

We see exact same examples in the seerah of the Prophet Muhammad (sallAllahu alayhi wasallam).
An example of negative morale is that of the Hypocrites in the Battle of Uhud (Surah al-Imran 3:154-156).
As the impending threat of war dawned upon them, they started to fear for their own lives, and boldly started out loud to the entire 1000-strong Muslim army:  “we don’t know why should we kill ourselves!”
This immediately had an effect to the army, and ONE-THIRD of them – approximately 300 of them – withdrew and flee from the battlefield. Look how this ‘toxic influence’ really hurt the team.
Now the Muslims were left with only about 700 men to face 3000 men – imagine how much that would have affected their spirits.
But with the Grace of Allah, the remaining 700 believers remained steadfast due to their belief, principles and loyalty to the Prophet (ref Surah al-Imran 3:122).

The best example of a superior source of positive motivation is that of the Prophet Muhammad himself.
Now imagine for a second, the level of stress and pressure he felt – as the final Prophet of Allah, the one responsible to train his followers to deliver the Final Revelation of God to the whole of mankind – who had to worry about impeding invasion from the Quraysh disbelievers, the backstabbing Jews, betrayal of the Hypocrites from within their own ranks, rebellion of surrounding Arab tribes, at the same time to educate complete teachings of Islam within such a short period of time, managing a huge family (and being the best to his family members!), administration of a whole country, sometimes himself being the general of his army, and at the same time staying up almost all night, every night, to Pray.

Quite a stressful situation! Yet how did he appear before his  companions?

Jarîr b. `Abd Allah said: "Since the time I accepted Islam, the Prophet (peace be upon him) never once failed to notice me - and every time he saw me, he would smile at me."
[Sahîh al-Bukhârî (2809 & 5625) and Sahîh Muslim (4523)]

`Abd Allah b. al-Hârith said: "I have never seen anyone more in the habit of smiling than Allah's Messenger." [Sunan al-Tirmidhî (3574)]

When they were digging the trench, he was down there with them - hungrier than them. In war, he was on the front lines.
And yet he never compromised his warmth and loving nature towards his companions.

Profound lessons and food for thought for ourselves – how has our morale affected those around us?





(Your Own Life Observations [YOLO] - Alkhaadem Youth Camp 2013)
#yolo #akyc2013 #akyc