And wAlhamdulillah, no doubt Allah has been Gracious to us and we have indeed had our fair share of those.
But if I were to single out ONE experience that had the most IMPACT to me as a person – that experience is an unpleasant, in fact rather nasty one: when a 19-year old kid verbally abused me and humiliated me in a public masjid.
While it might seem like a grim and rather bleak choice, in hindsight, objectively speaking, it was the one that had the most impact and effect on me as a human being – that had a deep and profound impact to my character and realization of myself as a person, shaped my perception on people, offered new perspective on other people’s perception.
This happened in June 2017, towards the end of Ramadhan – when out of nowhere, this unknown person started to attack me, hurling relentless insults at my character, accusing me of being a deviant, calling me names like Wahabi and making all sorts of derogatory remarks on my personal Facebook page, and also one of our Facebook group pages.
The surprising thing was, when I looked at his Facebook profile, I recognized him – it was a teenage boy who I frequently saw at the masjid, always together with the brothers and uncles of the Jamaah Tabligh. While I’ve never spoken to him before, I always had a respect for him and held him in high regard, as a person his age to frequently pray at the masjid when many peers at his age wouldn’t even pray.
Which was kind of a shock to me that, despite never having a conversation with me, he decides to break the ice by literally burning down the relationship bridges – and decides to do it as a keyboard warrior on social media, instead of being honest and upfront about it face-to-face like a civilized man.
As I was in a state of shock, I knew that I had to think long and hard before I posted a reply, and not just blast out an emotional defensive response. I have always held to the personal principle that social media is not a platform for debate or argument; to use it wisely and for benefit of others. Restraining your emotions is a lot more difficult than releasing them, and indeed there is great strength and virtue in restraint. Prophet Muhammad ﷺ said :
لَيْسَ الشَّدِيدُ بِالصُّرَعَةِ، إِنَّمَا الشَّدِيدُ الَّذِي يَمْلِكُ نَفْسَهُ عِنْدَ الْغَضَبِ
"The strong is not the one who overcomes the people by his strength, but the (truly) strong is the one who controls himself while in anger." (HR Al-Bukhari and Muslim)
.. And this was when my principles were being put to the test. In spite of the clear impoliteness and insolence shown, Allah granted me strength in me to give him the benefit of doubt that “perhaps he has the wrong person”, or is in some kind of misunderstanding.
And wAlhamdulillah – in spite of the shock and burning rage – I responded professionally, giving him salams, and politely asking him can we meet up to discuss face-to-face at the Masjid after Fajr (subuh / dawn prayers) the following day, and resolve any misunderstanding – and that Facebook is only a medium of communication. He responded rudely, saying he will bring his “ustaz” to defeat me and refute MY “misunderstanding”, etc, to which I simply replied “Insha Allah =)” with a smiley emoticon
(side meta-note : thank God for emoticons, my actual face and state of mind was furious).
Screenshot of FB comments
It bothered and disturbed me the entire night, but Alhamdulillah it gave me time to reflect back and think about the kind of potential attacks he might hurl at me, and to prepare accordingly on how I can respond in a wise manner.
I prayed Fajr at the masjid the following morning, and as I was sitting quietly to myself reciting the morning dzikir, after most of the congregation had dispersed, a small boy – around 5-6 years old – came up to me and says “so-and-so wants you to go and see him”.
Now, it is kind of insulting for a teenager to act like a CEO or king, pick a fight with someone, and send a 5-year old bold to summon a 33-year old man who is quietly minding his own business in worship at the masjid.
I simply replied to the boy, “if he wants to see me, he can come here as we promised”.
The 19-year old eventually came. I gave him salams, introduced myself – and the conversation started: he opened fire on all cylinders.
The boy was arrogant, insolent and emotional, calling me names, attacking my character, insulting my friends, hurling baseless accusations at me, accusing me for things I did not do, judging me for things that OTHER people do, etcetera.
I have never been insulted by any other grown up adult – let alone an ignorant boy – in such a manner, not even at the office.
I will spare the details but in summary : I swear by Allah, it was the most hostile, prejudiced, biased, and aggressive conversation I have experienced against me in my whole life.
Mind you, this was in a masjid towards the end of Ramadhan – among the most beloved and blessed places to Allah, during the most beloved and blessed times of the year.
Nevertheless I am glad that Allah Guided me to respond well, for the most part. At the end of the 90-minute ‘conversation’ (or should I call it merciless onslaught), he simply lashed out at me and rudely stormed out.
Alhamdulillah ‘ala kulli Hal, he deleted his derogatory comments on my Facebook. And a few days later, QaddarAllah, just so happen he prayed beside me for Maghrib, wherein after that he apologized to me, and since he did that, I choose to conceal his identity and keep this between me, him and Allah – and only the few close family and friends I consulted – and I am not going to question his “intentions” behind it.
Here are the reasons why this encounter was the most “Impactful” Experience of the 2017 –
1. A HUMBLING EXPERIENCE
Whenever I narrate this incident in detail to the few people close to me, most of them feel enraged at the kind of disrespect this teenage kid had towards me, and how much of a humiliating scenario it was, especially at a public place at the masjid – in one of the houses of Allah.
But when we reflect back at the life of the Prophet Muhammad ﷺ, he was treated with far worse – in fact, the worst levels of disrespect or disgrace faced by a human being. And it wasn’t a one-off incident, either – it happened on multiple occasions from many different people in different levels of society. One of the worst incidents was the incident at Ta’if – when he called the people to worship one God. The leaders not only rejected him, but they dishonored him in front of the masses, and incited the little children to throw stones at him and drive him away like a lowly animal, subhanAllah – until his feet were bleeding and blood started to gel on his sandals.
And yet, when the angel Jibril came and appeared to him, he offered to him,
“إِنَّ اللَّهَ قَدْ سَمِعَ قَوْلَ قَوْمِكَ لَكَ وَمَا رَدُّوا عَلَيْكَ، وَقَدْ بَعَثَ إِلَيْكَ مَلَكَ الْجِبَالِ لِتَأْمُرَهُ بِمَا شِئْتَ فِيهِمْ، فَنَادَانِي مَلَكُ الْجِبَالِ، فَسَلَّمَ عَلَىَّ ثُمَّ قَالَ يَا مُحَمَّدُ، فَقَالَ ذَلِكَ فِيمَا شِئْتَ، إِنْ شِئْتَ أَنْ أُطْبِقَ عَلَيْهِمِ الأَخْشَبَيْنِ”
'Allah has heard your people's saying to you, and what they have replied back to you, Allah has sent the Angel of the Mountains to you so that you may order him to do whatever you wish to these people.'
The Angel of the Mountains called and greeted me, and then said, "O Muhammad! Order what you wish. If you like, I will let Al-Akh-Shabain (i.e. two mountains) fall on them (and destroy them)."
The Prophet Muhammad’s response was
بَلْ أَرْجُو أَنْ يُخْرِجَ اللَّهُ مِنْ أَصْلاَبِهِمْ مَنْ يَعْبُدُ اللَّهَ وَحْدَهُ لاَ يُشْرِكُ بِهِ شَيْئًا
"No.. instead, I hope that Allah will let them have CHILDREN – the future generations – who will worship Allah Alone, and will worship None besides Him."
(Narrated by Al-Bukhari and Muslim)
This was peak levels of mercy, optimism and patience achievable by a human being. Look at the context of this incident – here was a 50-year old man, the most honourable human being in the sight of Allah, carrying the most honourable mission to invite mankind to worship God Alone without Associating partners with Him, humiliated by little children pelting stones at him, he had all the right in the world to exact revenge without consequence.
And who am I to think that I “deserve” respect from a foolish 19-year old boy who simply acted on his emotions based on others’ slanderous prejudice?
The Prophet said,
وَمَا تَوَاضَعَ أَحَدٌ لِلَّهِ إِلاَّ رَفَعَهُ اللَّهُ
“..and the one who shows humility, Allah raises him (in rank, in His Sights).” (Narrated by Muslim)
Taking a step back as well, it was a powerful reminder on humility as a whole, and a reminder regarding the Prophet Muhammad ﷺ as the prime example of humbleness and the undefeatable benchmark amongst mankind. Despite being the leader of Arabia, having access to all the riches in his national treasury and the armies of the land at his feet, he consistently demonstrated a deliberate decision to live a simple, unassuming life
- Disbelievers would attack him and he would still patiently listen and endure their verbal abuse
- Even an old woman by the street would grab him to help her to do her simple chores, and he would not refuse nor assign his subordinates instead
- A rude bedouin man would demand to take the Prophet’s personal belongings, literally even the clothes on his back, and he would not refuse
- He would be on the ground with his companions to do the ‘dirty work’ – to the extent of sometimes himself starving even more than the poorest of companions
- He would sit by his gatherings and be unrecognizable from the others – he never wore special or distinct clothing from the rest.
..And countless other examples. Who are WE to consider ourselves superior?
لَقَدْ كَانَ لَكُمْ فِي رَسُولِ اللَّـهِ أُسْوَةٌ حَسَنَةٌ لِمَنْ كَانَ يَرْجُو اللَّـهَ وَالْيَوْمَ الْآخِرَ وَذَكَرَ اللَّـهَ كَثِيرًا
“There has certainly been for you an example in the Messenger of Allah, for those who hope in Allah and the Last Day and Remember Him much” (Qur’an surah al-Ahzab, verse 21)
2. CHARACTER DEVELOPMENT
Every argument is a learning process, that I personally use to evaluate my own character, identifying room for improvement and enhancement, and mentally preparing myself for similar incidents that may happen in the future.
Perhaps this is one wisdom behind why the Prophet Muhammad ﷺ said,
إِنَّ الْمُسْلِمَ إِذَا كَانَ مُخَالِطًا النَّاسَ وَيَصْبِرُ عَلَى أَذَاهُمْ خَيْرٌ مِنَ الْمُسْلِمِ الَّذِي لاَ يُخَالِطُ النَّاسَ وَلاَ يَصْبِرُ عَلَى أَذَاهُمْ
“Indeed when the Muslim mixes with the people and he is patient with their harm, he is better than the Muslim who does not mix with the people and is not patient with their harm.'"
(HR At-Tirmidzi, dinilai sahih oleh Al-Albani)
While I have had my fair share of heated arguments at the workplace, it is important to note that the nature of argument is completely different. In a professional environment, as high as the emotions run, the goal is often to come to an agreement to fulfill an organizational vision together. But when you’re dealing with an immature, ignorant, teenage hothead filled with hatred – it’s a different beast entirely. The person isn’t looking for answers, clarification or the truth – that person is out for blood.
When taking into perspective the following hadith, this incident was indeed my very own personal strength test – the Prophet Muhammad ﷺ said:
لَيْسَ الشَّدِيدُ بِالصُّرَعَةِ، إِنَّمَا الشَّدِيدُ الَّذِي يَمْلِكُ نَفْسَهُ عِنْدَ الْغَضَبِ
“The strong person is not the one who overcomes others by his physical strength,
Rather, the (truly) strong person is the one who controls himself in a state of anger” (Narrated by Al-Bukhari and Muslim)
The repeated verbal abuse I endured was one that put my restraint willpower to the test. As demonstrated throughout the life of the Prophet Muhammad ﷺ who dealt with countless more insolent antagonistic disbelievers, it taught us that dealing with these kinds of people requires a different kind of skill – you can’t fight fire with fire, that will only make things worse. Instead, either keep silent, or for the one with true strength in character such as the Prophet: to respond with kindness, as Allah said in the Qur’an :
وَلَا تَسْتَوِي الْحَسَنَةُ وَلَا السَّيِّئَةُ ۚ ادْفَعْ بِالَّتِي هِيَ أَحْسَنُ فَإِذَا الَّذِي بَيْنَكَ وَبَيْنَهُ عَدَاوَةٌ كَأَنَّهُ وَلِيٌّ حَمِيمٌ
“The good deed is not equal to the evil deed – repel the evil deed with what is best,
And then (if you do so, you will find that) the one with whom you had harbored enmity will be as though he is your close friend!” (Qur’an, Surah Fussilat, verse 34)
And we indeed see throughout the lifetime of the Prophet he did indeed displayed this behavior – and many of his sworn enemies eventually became his closest friend – one such person is Thumamah bin Uthal Al-Hanafi, who said,
يَا مُحَمَّدُ وَاللَّهِ مَا كَانَ عَلَى الأَرْضِ وَجْهٌ أَبْغَضَ إِلَىَّ مِنْ وَجْهِكَ فَقَدْ أَصْبَحَ وَجْهُكَ أَحَبَّ الْوُجُوهِ كُلِّهَا إِلَىَّ
“O Muhammad! I Swear by Allah, there was no face on this Earth who was more hated to me than your face, but now your face has become the most beloved of all faces to me” (Narrated by Ibnu Majah, graded sahih)
But of course, let’s be honest: to fight evil with kindness, this is certainly NOT an easy task to achieve – which is why Allah mentioned in the following verse after above,
وَمَا يُلَقَّاهَا إِلَّا الَّذِينَ صَبَرُوا وَمَا يُلَقَّاهَا إِلَّا ذُو حَظٍّ عَظِيمٍ
“And none is granted it except the one who is (truly) patient, and none is granted, except he is granted a great portion (of reward)” (Surah Fussilat, verse 35)
And alhamdulillah, since I had time to prepare, for the most part I responded calmly and well. But of course, naturally when your temper meter is constantly being challenged, it’s bound to trip over it once in a while, and unfortunately there are times when I lost my cool and I wished I responded differently.
When the verbal abuse ended and as the boy arrogantly stormed out, I spent many days contemplating back at the things that were said to me, and the things I said in response. And as the saying goes, “hindsight is 20-20” – when you look back it’s always clear what you should have done differently instead; and having dealt with this kind of character.
And to be completely fair and objective, although 99% of the accusations were baseless personal slander against me, there were one or two genuine constructive feedbacks, which I take positively to be implemented.
One very important thing to note is, sometimes (or in this case, many times), silence is the best response. When we are under attack, due to the emotional state we are in, there is a tendency that we will respond in an inappropriate manner, and might end up saying the wrong things, transgressing acceptable boundaries, and end up saying things we might regret. And then we have to go through the painstaking process of apologizing, withdrawing what we have said, or making corrections.
There is a powerful quote by Imam Ash-Shafi’ee who once said,
قل بما شئت في مسبة عرضي, فسكوتي عن اللئيم جواب
“Say what you wish in abuse of me, For my silence towards the idiot is indeed an answer.
أنا عادم الجواب ولكن, ما من الأسد أن تجيب الكلاب
I am not at a loss for a response, but rather,It does not befit the lion to answer the dogs”
So having gone through this experience opened up my eyes and made me more mentally prepared for future arguments, should similar situations appear again. Two hadiths which I personally always hold on to as driving principles in improving my character,
أَنَا زَعِيمٌ بِبَيْتٍ فِي رَبَضِ الْجَنَّةِ لِمَنْ تَرَكَ الْمِرَاءَ وَإِنْ كَانَ مُحِقًّا وَبِبَيْتٍ فِي وَسَطِ الْجَنَّةِ لِمَنْ تَرَكَ الْكَذِبَ وَإِنْ كَانَ مَازِحًا وَبِبَيْتٍ فِي أَعْلَى الْجَنَّةِ لِمَنْ حَسَّنَ خُلُقَهُ
“I guarantee a house in the surroundings of Paradise for a man who avoids quarrelling even if he was the right,
(I guarantee) a house in the middle of Paradise for a man who avoids lying even if he were joking,
And (I guarantee) a house in the higher part of Paradise for a man who beautifies his character”
(Narrated in Sunan Abi Daud, At-Tirmidzi and Ibnu Majah)
مَنْ كَانَ يُؤْمِنُ بِاللَّهِ وَالْيَوْمِ الآخِرِ فَلْيَقُلْ خَيْرًا أَوْ لِيَصْمُتْ
“Whomsoever believes in Allah and the Last Day,
Say what is good – or just keep quiet”
(Narrated by Al-Bukhari, Muslim and others)
3. UNDERSTANDING PEOPLE’S PERCEPTIONS
While this boy was narrating to me his accusations and insults, it was clear to me that these were not a product of his own observations and fabrication – it was collective feedback from others around him, people who were backbiting and slandering me behind my back, as he continuously quoted “they say”, and “my friend told me”.
For many days following the event, I was horrified and perplexed by this sentiment. I have always tried my best to put on my best behaviour at the masjid and to treat others well, yet in spite of it all, this implied that the very people who I have been praying next to – people whom I considered brothers in faith – all this time were perceiving me in such a negative light, and instead of clarifying it to me, choose to talk behind my back and slander me for things I did not go.
And it was only after this incident that I knew that apparently this isn’t an isolated ‘opinion’ – I have heard other (seemingly unconnected) people mention the same thing, accusing me of much worse, and yet no one has ever sought clarification or had a healthy discussion with me, instead choosing to poison the minds of the local community.
But the thing is, to be really objective and mature about the situation, I don’t know “WHO” were the ones backbiting against me. And I’m not about to act like a conspiracy theorist, being paranoid of others like a witch hunt, neither am I going to stereotype entire groups of people like the Jamaah Tabligh for doing that, in the same manner I hate it when people accuse “Islam” of being a bad religion and propagating bad teachings, just because they observe “Muslims” for negative behaviour.
It was a product of their own bad attitude, negative personal evils, and personal devils (Shaytan) inciting hatred in them, just as Prophet Ya’qub said to his son Yusuf, when he knew his other sons would conspire against Yusuf out of jealousy
قَالَ يَا بُنَيَّ لَا تَقْصُصْ رُؤْيَاكَ عَلَىٰ إِخْوَتِكَ فَيَكِيدُوا لَكَ كَيْدًا ۖ إِنَّ الشَّيْطَانَ لِلْإِنْسَانِ عَدُوٌّ مُبِينٌ
And Prophet Jacob (Ya’qub) said to his son Prophet Yusuf:
“O My son, do not tell relate your dream to your brothers, for they will conspire against you – verily, Shaytan is a plain enemy to man” (Qur’an surah Yusuf verse 5)
Just as the brothers of Yusuf, and in this case, the people at my local masjid, it was the Shaytan in them that would incite this hatred.
In a movie I remember watching many years ago as a kid, the main protagonis – and in a separate scene, his daughter – said,
“I trust everyone. It's the devil inside them I don't trust”. #Trivia #CanYouGuess
It was also at this point of sadness when Shaytan was playing tricks in my head, discouraging me from going to my local masjid and becoming a means to prevent me from acts of worship. And this is another danger I wanted to avoid : simply “giving up” whenever we get into negative situations. Leaving groups, not attending classes, avoiding people, stop going to a masjid, all because of our immaturity and weakness in succumbing to the temptations of shaytan to give up. I hated seeing this in another people, and I certainly did not want to be guilty of it myself.
Alas, as disappointing as it is, I continously ask Allah to grant me patience and seek His Reward in it, for indeed Allah will certainly recompense the one whom is a victim of backbiting and of slanders behind his back.
The Prophet Muhammad ﷺ defined who is the truly bankrupt person on the day of Judgment:
إِنَّ الْمُفْلِسَ مِنْ أُمَّتِي يَأْتِي يَوْمَ الْقِيَامَةِ بِصَلاَةٍ وَصِيَامٍ وَزَكَاةٍ وَيَأْتِي قَدْ شَتَمَ هَذَا وَقَذَفَ هَذَا وَأَكَلَ مَالَ هَذَا وَسَفَكَ دَمَ هَذَا وَضَرَبَ هَذَا فَيُعْطَى هَذَا مِنْ حَسَنَاتِهِ وَهَذَا مِنْ حَسَنَاتِهِ فَإِنْ فَنِيَتْ حَسَنَاتُهُ قَبْلَ أَنْ يُقْضَى مَا عَلَيْهِ أُخِذَ مِنْ خَطَايَاهُمْ فَطُرِحَتْ عَلَيْهِ ثُمَّ طُرِحَ فِي النَّارِ
“The bankrupt of my nation would be he who would come on the Day of Resurrection with (their good deeds of) prayers, fasting and Zakat but since he hurled abuses upon others, brought slander against others and unlawfully consumed the wealth of others and shed the blood of others and beat others, and his good deeds would instead be given away to the account of one (who suffered at his hand).
And if his good deeds fall short to clear the account, then his sins would be entered in (his account) and he would be thrown in the Hell-Fire.” (Narrated by Muslim)
A fine illustration of this was a story I remember in a lecture we attended many years ago; it was mentioned that Hasan Al-Basri (or in another narration, Imam Ash-Shafi’ee himself) once found out that a person was backbiting and slandering him behind his back. When he got to know of it, Hasan went over to his house and passed him a basket of fruits. The man was puzzled, and Hasan told him,
“I heard that you were backbiting against me – so here, please take these basket of fruits. I do not know how else to repay you for your good deeds”
#ResponseWin #pwned #GG
This story and the following verse of the Qur’an are powerful reminders to hold on to, especially in times such as these.
وَلَا تَهِنُوا وَلَا تَحْزَنُوا وَأَنْتُمُ الْأَعْلَوْنَ إِنْ كُنْتُمْ مُؤْمِنِينَ
“So do not become weak, or grief – and you will become superior, if you are indeed (true) believers
(Qur’an, Surah Ali – Imran, verse 139)
4. TO BE CONSCIOUS AND MINDFUL OF OUR ACTIONS
Hearing from an antagonistic perspective, it was clear to me that there were certain actions which were deemed unlikable (or sometimes downright despicable) to others, and would no doubt inadvertently shape a negative perception on us.
Although much of this perception can be ‘wrong’ or attribute to ignorance / lack of knowledge, it is better for us who DO know, to be mindful of our own actions and to take the more wiser choice of simply avoiding things which can be disliked by others.
Admittedly, this was not an easy thing to do – of course, I have my own stance on things and I am happy to clarify; in fact I am always looking forward to have a healthy discussion regarding religion - but in understanding the nature of people around us, which do not seek clarification, this simply becomes a matter of swallowing our pride and living within the confines of tolerance and harmony to prevent discord and misunderstanding.
Having said that, of course, in the areas we cannot compromise, we still keep a firm stance and stand by our principles – but in the “optional” areas, we take the wiser the deicision to take simple liberties and blend in.
And as stated by one of our teachers in the past, this is the true definition of “wisdom” (Hikmah) – knowing where, when, and how to apply knowledge.
And also a similar important thing to note regarding perception, is that some actions are not befitting of a person of our stature – certain things we do or say may be wrongfully attributed to other parts of our life we represent – our family, organization we work for, organizations we are involved with, or perhaps our religion as a whole.
Whether we realize it or not, we are indirectly ambassadors to where we belong, and our actions might tarnish the image or reputation of any of the above, and it is upon us to take ownership to carry these representations with dignity and uphold their honor.
Now, like myself in the past, many of my Muslim brothers would argue differently, questioning: why do we have to bend by their rules and conform to their lack of knowledge?
An incident happened during the time of the Prophet Muhammad ﷺ, in which he was walking at night with his wife Safiyya bint Huyai. When two men of the Ansar saw the Prophet – in the darkness of the night, potentially not recognizing the woman walking together with the Prophet – the hurried away.
Why did they run away? Were they shy of the Prophet? DDid they want to avoid seeing the Prophet with this lady at night?
The Prophet then said to them, - عَلَى رِسْلِكُمَا إِنَّهَا صَفِيَّةُ بِنْتُ حُيَىٍّ – “Walk calmly! This is (my wife), Safiyyah bint Huyai”
The two Ansari companions were surprised and remarked, - سُبْحَانَ اللَّهِ يَا رَسُولَ اللَّهِ – “Glory be to Allah, oh Messenger of Allah!” indicating that they were shocked that the Prophet clarified, because they would never have a negative perception or harbor evil thoughts against the Prophet to be walking with a non-mahram strange woman in the middle of the night.
But listen to the response of the Prophet – he said,
إِنَّ الشَّيْطَانَ يَجْرِي مِنَ الإِنْسَانِ مَجْرَى الدَّمِ، وَإِنِّي خَشِيتُ أَنْ يَقْذِفَ فِي قُلُوبِكُمَا سُوءًا ـ أَوْ قَالَ ـ شَيْئًا
“Verily, Shaytan run in the body of man like blood runs in the veins,
I was afraid that it (this sight) would instill any evil (thoughts) in your heart.”
(Narrated by Al-Bukhari, Muslim)
Now this hadith is a powerful lesson to us that even the Messenger of Allah would have to sometimes clarify his actions to ensure people don’t have a negative suspicion, and indirectly gave us a warning how – no thanks to the work of Satan – some sights may raise suspicion or evil thoughts in the eyes of others, despite it being absolutely normal action.
So this is how I learn my lesson, and to just avoid actions at the masjid and in the local community, which can potentially raise suspicion or negative perceptions.
But I emphasize again, where we cannot compromise, we don’t. This was the sunnah of the Prophet and our righteous predecessors, and this is the sunnah I choose to follow.
5. A SILVER LINING
Although I may sound now as if I didn’t take offence, as a human being naturally of course I was quite devastated after that shocking encounter – I genuinely felt sadness in my heart not only from the verbal abuse but the traumatic revelation that there are many people around me who perceive me in such negative light.
But one thing I was glad I did, was I kept it mainly to myself – I never exposed it on social media or other public groups. I only told a few family members and a few close friends to get their advice and point of view. Keeping mostly silent about certain events allows us to reflect, contemplate and derive lessons from them, as opposed to exposing it publicly, which in turn
1) enrages our loved ones who may inadvertently fuel our anger further, perhaps even blind us from looking at the positive side of things, or
2) could be just fishing for sympathy from others, which could in turn make us weaker; or
3) could possibly incite speculation or hatred amongst others, and in the worst case could trigger fights between people; or,
4) it could potentially hand over bullets to those who do hate us or have envy against us, for them to continue their attacks.
But 7 months later, I choose to share this right now with the intention that perhaps I can motivate and inspire others when they face similar difficult circumstances, and to look at the silver lining of things, and to derive the positive aspects of it all.
وَعَسَىٰ أَنْ تَكْرَهُوا شَيْئًا وَهُوَ خَيْرٌ لَكُمْ ۖ وَعَسَىٰ أَنْ تُحِبُّوا شَيْئًا وَهُوَ شَرٌّ لَكُمْ ۗ وَاللَّـهُ يَعْلَمُ وَأَنْتُمْ لَا تَعْلَمُونَ
“Perhaps you might hate something when it is good for you,
And perhaps you might love something when in fact it is bad for you
Allah Knows but you do not know” (Qur’an Surah Al-Baqarah, verse 216)
Now having said that of course, I am in no way validating what that boy did. His actions are still no doubt sinful and an atrocious crime against a fellow Muslim brother.
But he came to me and apologized a few days later, I smiled and accepted his apology and I leave the matter between him and Allah.
It wasn’t an easy thing to do, but I always hold on to the powerful lessons of forgiveness as demonstrated in Surah Yusuf. If Prophet Yusuf – in spite of the heinous crimes of his brothers against him as a child, throwing him into the well, inadvertently forcing him into a life of slavery, eventually being accused of adultery and finally imprisoned until his adult years many years later – and later on finally, as the Minister of Egypt, now, having publicly met his brothers and having the complete upper hand and full power to exact revenge and punish them for their crimes, his response was :
قَالَ لَا تَثْرِيبَ عَلَيْكُمُ الْيَوْمَ ۖ يَغْفِرُ اللَّـهُ لَكُمْ ۖ وَهُوَ أَرْحَمُ الرَّاحِمِينَ
“No blame will there be upon you on this day – may Allah forgive you.
And He is the Most Merciful of those who give mercy” (Surah Yusuf, verse 92)
Allahu Akbar.. what amazing level of forgiveness.
Yusuf alayhissalam could forgive his brother, so why can't I forgive this ignorant young boy who was simply poisoned by the people around him?
In conclusion, what is important to learn from this post is to gain wisdom in our every day events, and to find strength in turning those ever-so-sour lemons into the lemonade.
What people see on the surface is one thing – but only Allah knows what is truly underneath and how we choose to act with that we learn from the lessons in life.
May Allah forgive all our shortcomings, make us amongst those who continuously perfect our character and grant us with the highest levels of Paradise, and may Allah protect us from the evil of backbiting and dishonoring our fellow Muslims.
