“Muawiyah, can we give away this old t-shirt? It doesn't fit you anymore” - Active Listening in Practice

 

“No! I want to keep it!”
“But it's too small now. We don't need it anymore”, Ibu explains, referring to his favorite yellow lego shirt that he wore since he was 1-year old."
“No! I still want it!”
“.. But you’re a big boy now”
“.. Nooo!”

Clearly, this back-and-forth power struggle between 4-year old Muawiyah and his mom had reached a stalemate, as an unstoppable force meets with an immovable object.

At this point, it’s just so tempting to take the easy way out by flexing our authority muscles - “You listen to me. I'm your father”. Or back down and give in. Fight or flight.

I jump into the conversation. Here we go.

“Muawiyah, you like that Lego baju do you?”
“Yeap”
“Oh Yeah, I like it too! Why don't you try to wear it? Abah wants to see”
(Keeps quiet)

“Jom la. Open your baju, and wear the Lego one. I like to see you wear it. It's nice!”
(Keeps quiet. Starts smiling)

Abah: “Eh, why don't you want to wear it? Is it too small?”
Muawiyah: “Yup”

“Oh, you can fit it anymore, ke?”
“No”

“Oh okay, so do you still want to keep it or should we give it away?”
“Give lah!”

I'll never forget Wifey’s look of disbelief as she says: “How did you DO that?!” 😮

Human beings have a need to be listened to and respected. When we appeal to that need, we are in a better position to have a rational conversation and negotiate. And it’s not enough to just say “I hear you”. You have to show it through your actions: with respect and empathy. (Especially with toddlers!).

Sure, as parents, we might know what is “best” for them. But what we want to do is to let them take ownership of the choices that are best for them, and for them to take responsibility for their choices and their consequences, not just shove our instructions down their throats. We foster collaboration and trust. And if done correctly, we can achieve this through Active Listening.

In his book, “Never Split the Difference: Negotiating as if Your Life Depended On It”, author Chris Voss writes:

“It all starts with the universally applicable premise that people want to be understood and accepted. Psychotherapy research shows that when individuals feel listened to, they tend to listen to themselves more carefully and to openly evaluate and clarify their own thoughts and feelings. In addition, they tend to become less defensive and oppositional and more willing to listen to other points of view, which gets them to the calm and logical place where they can be good “Getting to Yes” problem solvers”.

We empathize with their emotions (i like that baju too) and show appreciation for them (I like to see you wear it).

Once they feel heard and respected then we show them another layer of respect: appeal to their intellect, without “suggesting” or steering their choices by going into problem solving mode: Should we still keep it if we can’t use it? If yes, “why? What do you want to do with it? Okay, but it’s going to take up space in your wardrobe. The we can’t buy anymore cool new Lego t-shirts”

Eventually he made the choice.

Honestly, I was just as surprised as his ibu was! I didn’t expect he would be convinced so quickly. It’s amazing how much difference you can make and achieve Win-Win when you practice Active Listening.

The same principle applies when dealing with people, including our colleagues at the workplace. The need to be heard isn't just for children; it applies for all human beings.
May Allah grant us sabr (patience) and rahmah (compassion) in practicing this throughout our parenting and leadership journey.

What is the common source of Conflict in Conversations? The role of our “stories”

Whenever people say and/or do anything in conversations, there is a little gap between what we perceive (see/hear), and how we respond.

That gap, is the “story” we tell ourselves: The lens and filters we apply to interpret the events happening around us, forming our perception. It fuels the emotions we feel from that exchange (anger, happiness, sadness, disappointment, inspiration), which in turn triggers our responses - ranging from silence, to verbal violence and everything in between.

This, my friends, is the tipping point of where all the drama takes place.

The story we tell ourselves is what makes us speculate intentions, biases, and forecasted outcomes. Sometimes, those stories work in healthy ways - when we perceive that someone cares for us, is a trustworthy person, one who acts for the greater good of the team.

But sometimes, they are responsible in creating some nasty feelings. Our stories are responsible in driving us conclude that “that guy has got a personal agenda”, “she doesn't care anyway”, “the boss is questioning my capability / doesn't trust me”, or ones that culminate after years of cumulative, bottled up resentment yang terpendam, e.g. “he never respects or listens to me anyway”. Stories are also responsible for surfacing any negative stereotypes or cultural biases we have - e.g. oh yeah, people of this race, that gender, or that “group” are always like that, including any negative labels we put on others - whether that person is a deviant, jerk, rebellious teen, troublemaker, toxic coworker, and so on.

Stories are formed so instinctively and quickly in our subconscious, that we might not even realize them. Much of them stem from our subconscious, and we “compose” them in a blink of an eye, and just as quickly, feel an emotion.

But here's the good news. Because our emotions are triggered from story, all we have to do is to take control of our stories. To filter out “fact” from “story”, and fine-tune our stories that enables us to steer our emotions - and subsequently our resulting actions. We can reinterpret our stories into positive actions that are productive, optimistic and even inspired by others.

Also, we can make more proactive conscious actions to prevent negative thoughts from entering people's minds.

This was one of my favorite practical lessons from Crucial Conversations, which clarifies so much about perceptions and how they impact our etiquettes.

With this in mind, here are five Islamic guidelines which help us take control of our stories to improve our Akhlaq (conduct) with others, especially in conversations:

1. Be mindful of Dzann (ظَنّ) i.e. Suspicions and speculation - especially bad ones which create evil thoughts. Separate “fact” from “story”, so you can form better thoughts
   
وَإِنَّ الظَّنَّ لَا يُغْنِي مِنَ الْحَقِّ شَيْئًا  
“Speculations can never take place  over the truth” (Surah An-Najm 28)
   
يَا أَيُّهَا الَّذِينَ آمَنُوا اجْتَنِبُوا كَثِيرًا مِّنَ الظَّنِّ إِنَّ بَعْضَ الظَّنِّ إِثْمٌ
”O you who believe! Avoid much suspicions, indeed some suspicions are sins.” (Al-Hujarat,12)
   
Instead of instinctively responding, pause and give others the positive benefit of doubt. As the righteous predecessors used to say, “whenever you see something you don't like in your brother, try to come up with seventy excuses for him”
   
2. Don't speculate others’ intentions - only Allah knows what is in people's hearts!
   
When Usamah bin Zayd was on the battlefield, he chased down an enemy, pinned him down and on the very last second, the enemy said لَا إله إلا الله And embraced islam (thereby making it haram for him to be killed). But Usamah considered this merely a last ditch effort to save his life, so he killed him anyway. When he consulted the Prophet ﷺ and claimed that “he was not saying something that was truly in his heart”, the prophet rebuked him, emphasising that he has not been sent to “slice open people's hearts”. The Prophet repeatedly censured Usamah, making him feeling so guilty that Usamah wished “I had embraced Islam that day”! (Ref: Muslim)
   
3. Mind your words and our body language, put in the effort to say and do what is best. Shaytan has a knack for adding toxic thoughts into our stories and sow seeds of enmity and hatred with others.
   
   
وَقُل لِّعِبَادِي يَقُولُوا الَّتِي هِيَ أَحْسَنُ إِنَّ الشَّيْطَانَ يَنزَغُ بَيْنَهُمْ إِنَّ الشَّيْطَانَ كَانَ لِلْإِنسَانِ عَدُوًّا مُّبِينًا
And say to My slaves (i.e. the true believers of Islamic Monotheism) that they should (only) say those words that are the best. (Because) Shaitan (Satan) verily, sows disagreements among them. Surely, Shaitan (Satan) is to man a plain enemy. (Al-Isra, 53)
   
4. Be mindful of how our actions will be interpreted by others.
   
When the Prophet ﷺ was distributing the spoils of war, there was a person who insolently questioned the judgement of the Prophet and indirectly accused him ﷺ of being unjust - an act of open disobedience against the Messenger of Allah ﷺ.

During one incident, the hypocrite Abdullah bin Ubay had instigated a fight between the Muhajirin and the Ansar.
When a companion offered to “chop his head off”, the Prophet ﷺ, in his wisdom, knowing that Abdullah was outwardly perceived as a Muslim, he ﷺ said “no, do not do that. Or else, others will perceive that ‘Muhammad kills his companions’” (Ref: Muslim) 
   
5. Put a conscious effort to clarify any room from potential evil thoughts. Just because you have good intentions, doesn't mean everyone's stories will perceive it that way. Wait, why should I clarify, if THEY are the ones with the bad stories? Well, the focus is to work on what is in our control: ourselves.

Even the Prophet ﷺ himself - the best person in mankind - made efforts to clarify, and ward off evil thoughts. One time, he was walking at night with his wife Safiyyah. He saw a group of companions in a distance, who, when they saw the Prophet, they quickened their pace. The Prophet said to them, “Hold right there! This is my wife, Safiyyah!” Surprised, the companions responded, “Ya Rasulullah!” (implying that they would never think evil of him to be waking at night with a non-Mahram woman). To which the Prophet ﷺ responded, “Verily, Shaitan runs in the son of Adam (to feed evil thoughts), just as blood runs in his veins” (Al-Bukhari)
   
Master your stories, improve your relationships, take control of your conversations.

#crucialconversations

Crucial Conversations: 20-21 September 2022

 

Ever since becoming a manager, I was thrust into the following difficult conversation scenarios:

1. During the first few weeks into my role an internal client complained to me about my subordinate, difficult to work with and "likes to taichi". Later, I received complaint about another subordinate pula.

2. In our feedback exchange, one of my subordinates initiated giving "constructive feedback" by personally attacking my credibility and questioning my qualifications

3. At one high level meeting, our department was under fire for underperforming in one critical area, and when the chairman aggressively demanded some answers, the manager responsible had threw my team under the bus, and specifically mentioned my name in that meeting - even though our company guidelines clearly stated it was his/her responsibility

4. I was given the mandate to a defend a proposal on behalf of my team lead, and was met with heavy criticism by the high-level leaders. I had to resist the temptation to “give in”, and stick to my mission of carrying out the trust of my team, to the point I was openly blasted “listen, I am the customer and you are the client. You need to listen to ME!”

5. An SME from our centre team would always displays a very condescending and hostile attitude against me during meetings, often questioning all my suggestions and sometimes even belittling me in front of my subordinates

6. A subordinate complained about a toxic colleague who us causing conflict and sparking teamwork issues

7. I was tasked to be the bearer of bad news to our team when a company restructuring would force some of our team members to make difficult personal decisions for splitting them away from their family

8. Our operating partners from another company was "bullying" us and forcing us to do work that was draining our resources in fact brought no business value to our company

9. One subordinate tendered his resignation, in the middle of a very challenging work assignment that he is leading

10. During my first performance appraisal as a manager, I wanted to do things right and personally tell everyone their performance ratings and why they received that. I have to own up to my decisions, give them honest feedback, and resist the temptation from making the lazy response of saying “it was a management decision”.

How should we respond? What should we do in the heat of the moment in these tense situations?

All these ten scenarios are just the tip of the iceberg, happening within my first year alone in this role as a manager. Many others which I prefer not to mention to honour confidentiality and respect of our colleagues. 

How we respond in the heat of these moments, sometimes can make or break our morale, relationships, professional reputation, and/or even our organizational culture as a whole. If done well, we can turn the ship around and transform these situations into beautiful outcomes - as what I personally experienced happened in some of the scenarios above. 

Reflecting back on how I performed on all of these made me realized how unprepared I was, how I could have done better, and how much in need we are to equip ourselves with the tools to handle them in the future. 

Crucial conversations - defined as those which have strong emotions, high stakes, and opposing opinions - they are unavoidable fact of life, especially if you are holding leadership roles. 

Instead of avoiding them - as we always tend to do - we need to have the knowledge and courage to confront them and handle them well. If we continue to ignore or dodge them in the spirit of “maintaining harmony” or purely because we didn’t have the guts to confront them, then not only are we procrastinating/avoiding the solution, but we are actually making the problem worse in many ways.  

Consider all the other crucial conversations we encounter in other aspects of our personal lives - with family, wifey, friends, local communities, da’wah, social media circles, whatsapp groups!

And that’s why I decided to enrol for this 2-day leadership course, Crucial Conversations. Based on the book of the same title, the course is aimed towards upskilling ourselves with the right attitude, tools and mindsets towards "difficult" dialogue scenarios that happen every day. 

Looking forward fo Day 2!

Had any crucial conversations lately? How did you do? Which crucial conversations have you been avoiding but need to have?

The Importance of Akhlaq (Character, mannerisms & etiquettes) in Professionalism and what we perceive as “Quality” services

 

As we consult her for one final time before returning to Miri, I’d like to dedicate this post to recognize and appreciate our gynae, Dr. Idora Mohamed from Pantai Hospital. 

Before meeting her, we know that among our circle of friends, she has had a reputation of being a person who is calm, accommodating, listens to patient’s requests. 

Indeed, she lived up to that reputation. She was always calm, humble and respectful. Never once did she seem to show signs of temper. Even in moments when matters got a bit intense, she remained patient, and never collapsed under pressure and was still respectful to our requests - whilst at the same time, could professionally judge when to be assertive if the need arises. 

Most importantly, the standout characteristic is that she listens. She makes us feel heard and that our choices matter - and integrates that positive human experience into her expertise. 

Knowing that she was one of my mother’s former students in UM, also gives me great personal joy. I could imagine this is one student where the teacher would proudly say, “that’s my girl right there”. 

Overall, we had a great experience engaging her with the delivery of our 2nd child, and in fact with the entire hospital services as a whole - a stark contrast when we compare with our not-so-pleasant first delivery experience in another hospital. 

It was those experiences where we think “yeah, if there was a ‘next time’, I would like to engage her again”

Reflecting on our experience with her, this triggered me to reflect upon another important theme and takeaway point for all of us: the importance of akhlaq (character, morals, and etiquettes) and the role in our professionalism and what clients perceive as “quality” service. 

More often than not, in professional services, competency by itself isn’t necessarilywhat defines a 5-star service in people’s hearts. What matters most is the human experience: How did people “feel” after engaging with you - Did they consider it a positive experience? Was it money and time well spent? 

And the more important question: Would they want to engage you again next time? 

And this is an important takeaway message to my fellow professionals and managers, too: If your clients, subordinates, colleagues were given a choice to choose their team members, would they think that they would “love to have you on the team”, or “as my manager”? Have you earned their trust and setup a foundation for loyalty? 

This is what the leadership characteristic of “Nurture Trust” is all about. 

See, when it comes to very specialized professional services - such as medicine, law, engineering, or even finance - many times, clients and customers don’t really have the educated knowledge to really distinguish the competency or technical know-how of these professional fields. How do we differentiate them? How do we single out certain professionals or services as being “good”, “superior” or of “quality service”?

Or even services where pretty much everyone is on par. What will be the key differentiator? 

Think about the last time you took a Grab/Uber ride. What made you feel like giving certain drivers 5-stars? What made you more inclined to give tips to one waiter? Or any services you call to your home - a plumber, electrician, mechanic, cleaner, grass-cutter, etc - if they were all similarly priced, what makes you prefer one above the rest? 

Was it really their skills or capabilities that made them stand out?

Chances are, it was their attitude - in their demeanor, communication, responsiveness in your interaction - that made you FEEL it as a great experience. 

Sometimes, a particular product or service doesn’t necessarily stand out as being objectively superior, but because the customer service was “tip top” - your hearts lean towards them. 

I remember a friend of mine who stated that he only buys Dell laptops. When I asked him why, he said “customer service”. When probed further, he said it’s because when his brand new laptop was defective, they came over to him, and it only took them a few days to replace it. Interesting to note, that his laptop was defective - which would normally have prompted us not to buy it, right? How often do brand new laptops breakdown? Especially when it cause those few days of inconvenience, rendering him unable to use his laptop? But because of his personal experience with the after-sales support, he affirms his loyalty to them. 

On the other hand, bad character is sometimes all the reason to make you declare “never again” and go searching for others instead. One encounter of bad etiquettes or terrible customer service is all it takes for us to regret spending our money and think “tobat tak mau dah”

So now, let’s flip the observation the other way around: what makes a service notably WORSE than others? What makes certain businesses receive a lower Google rating than the rest? I remember looking up a clinic near our in-laws place, which had a Google rating of 2.4 stars - a ridiculously low score for a clinic. Reading up the reviews, I saw a common theme and pattern of words describing their experience: “Rude, disrespectful, arrogant”. Unprofessional behavior. Terrible attitude. Poor directions. 

None of the ratings reflect the quality of the medical service itself. 

It was all to do with the behavior. In fact, surprisingly, in this case, most negative reviews were complaining about the attitude of the RECEPTIONIST - not even the doctors! 

Customer service can make or break your business or services. 

Now, there is a flip side to this concept, however. Because the human emotional experience effects us so much, many intelligent con artists and swindlers use this to this advantage to scam others. They put on a show of good behavior as a smokescreen and distraction to mask their evil intentions, before revealing their true colours and going for the kill.

But this isn’t an excuse for us to put on bad behaviour. If anything, this is all the more reason that the honest professionals are even more in need of upping their akhlaq, compared to those imposters. All the more reason that the TRUE pros need to develop the skill of nurturing trust, instead of those liars!

The key is SINCERITY. “People skills” are merely a tool - it’s how you use it that counts the most.  “All deeds are based upon their intentions.” إنَّمَا الْأَعْمَالُ بِالنِّيَّاتِ

The big takeaway that we need from this, is to emphasize how important it is - and how much greater you can soar - if you infuse good character in our professional etiquettes, and the dire consequences if you are poor at it. 

Akhlaq is one of those matters where, if one were to excel at it, not only will it be a huge payoff for you in the hereafter and your golden ticket to Paradise, but it is also a huge source of blessings and barakah in your DUNYA pursuits, too!

Let it be the icing on your professional cake, and not the bitter aftertaste of a medicine that people only take “out of necessity”. 

“People will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but they will never forget how you made them FEEL.”

The Prophet ﷺ said, 

‏ إِنَّمَا بُعِثْتُ لِأُتَمِّمَ صَالِحَ الأَخْلاقِ

“Verily, I have only been sent to perfect good character” (Adab Al-Mufrad)

“O A'isha, verily Allah is kind and gentle, and He loves kindness, 

He Grants upon kindness which he does not give upon harshness, and does not give anything quite like He does as he does in gentleness” (Muslim)

“Whoever humbles himself for the sake of Allah, Allah raises him” (Muslim)

He ﷺ said to Ashajj: “You have two characteristics which Allah Loves: Forbearance and modesty” (Adab Al-Mufrad of Al-Bukhari)

the Messenger of Allah was asked about that for which people are admitted into Paradise the most, so he said: "Taqwa of Allah, and good character." (At-Tirmidzi)

He also said, "by his good character, a believer will attain the degree of one who prays during the night and fasts during the day." (Abu Daud)

Perhaps your Greatest Legacy is yet to come: A Reflection on Ibrahim (alayhissalam)

 

In the past, one of my biggest worries I used to have was the possibility that I would depart from this world without having left behind a positive legacy for others. To live a life of insignificance, as if my presence in this world added no value to others. Like foam in the sea. Or - if you’re in the mood for some poetic sci-fi - like tears in the rain. 

To die, without having invested in those three deeds that keep up rewarding us after we depart, as mentioned by the Prophet ﷺ in the authentic hadith: continuous charity, knowledge which is benefitted from, and a righteous child that supplicates for us, and then to come to meet Allah on the day of judgment, realizing that my good deeds were deficient, and to come shortchanged, with the shocking realization that I don’t have much of these “spare” change in the tank – desperate for these legacy deeds to help me out.

One particular figure would always be my number one source of inspiration, optimism, motivation and hope that put my fears to rest: Prophet Ibrahim, alayhissalam. 

 

IBRAHIM WAS AN UMMAH

 

Allah says, in praise of Ibrahim:

إِنَّ إِبْرَهِيمَ كَانَ أُمَّةً قَـنِتًا لِلَّهِ حَنِيفًا وَلَمْ يَكُ مِنَ الْمُشْرِكِينَ

“Verily, Ibrahim was (himself) an Ummah, obedient to Allah, a Hanif (monotheist), and he was not one of those who worship idols” (Surah An-Nahl, 16:120)

In this ayah, Allah describes Ibrahim as an Ummah. This word, “أُمَّةً” literally means a nation, a community, a group, or a period in time. Although scholars of Tafsir mention that this means "imam", there is no other person in the Qur’an whom Allah refers to with this title of "ummah". His virtue as a community-builder was so great, that he was virtually an entire nation in the Sight of Allah, the Lord of the Universe.

The significance of this title can even be seen today, in the 21st century: Considering his figure as the common patriarch of the “Abrahamic religions”, Prophet Ibrahim is the most respected and loved human being on the planet today, which includes followers of Judaism, Christianity, and Islam - covering over 55% of the world population as we speak. That’s over 4 billion people in the snapshot of today, alone.

On a more personal level, we Muslims today honor Prophet Ibrahim on a daily basis. Every single one of us would actually supplicate for Prophet Ibrahim in every single prayer, as we recite the salawat ibrahimiyyah in our tashahhud – at least five times a day, every day. 

A "Great Legacy” would seem like an understatement. 

Yet, what’s interesting to note is that this one-man nation barely had any followers throughout his lifetime!

When he was about to confront the tyrant Namrud (Nimrod), Ibrahim said to his wife Sarah,

 

يَا سَارَةُ، لَيْسَ عَلَى وَجْهِ الأَرْضِ مُؤْمِنٌ غَيْرِي وَغَيْرُكِ

“O Sarah! There are no believers on the surface of the earth except you and I.” (Narrated by Al-Bukhari)

 

Despite calling people to abandon their worship of idols since his youth, yet after all these years, the ONE and only person who followed him in belief in his years of adulthood was his wife, Sarah!

How was his legacy kept alive after all these centuries?

 

The entirety of the legacy of Ibrahim was through his two sons: Prophet Ishaq and Prophet Isma’eel. It was through Prophet Ishaq – that sired the lineage of Israel (Ya’qub) and the entirety of the Children of Israel, hence all the other Prophets sent with the exception of the final Prophet. And it was through Isma’eel, that the final and greatest messenger was sent: Prophet Muhammad, Rasulullah ﷺ. 

Most of his legacy was spread far and wide AFTER his death.

AGE IS JUST A NUMBER

 

But to really understand the wisdom of the story, let’s empathize one level deeper: WHEN in his lifetime were his sons born? Was it during the prime of his youth? When he had his whole life ahead of him? 

After years of calling his people to Tauhid, Allah sent his angels to warn Ibrahim of the incoming punishment, as the final straw, after years of rejecting the call of tauhid. When the angels arrived, they informed of this news, but also conveyed a bonus piece of information to the wife of Ibrahim’s: Glad tidings of a child. 

In astonishment, she responded:

قَالَتْ يوَيْلَتَا ءَأَلِدُ وَأَنَاْ عَجُوزٌ وَهَـذَا بَعْلِى شَيْخًا إِنَّ هَـذَا لَشَىْءٌ عَجِيبٌ - قَالُواْ أَتَعْجَبِينَ مِنْ أَمْرِ اللَّهِ رَحْمَتُ اللَّهِ وَبَرَكَـتُهُ عَلَيْكُمْ أَهْلَ الْبَيْتِ إِنَّهُ حَمِيدٌ مَّجِيدٌ

She said "Woe unto me! Shall I bear a child while I am an old woman, and here is my husband an, old man. Verily, this is a strange thing!” 

The angels responded, "Do you wonder at the decree of Allah? The mercy of Allah and His blessings be on you, O family of Ibrahim! Surely, He (Allah) is All-Praiseworthy, All-Glorious.” (Surah Hud 11:70-71)

 

In his Book of Tafsir, Ibn Kathir comments:

The Muslims and the People of the Book agree, and indeed it is stated in their Book, that Isma`il was born when Ibrahim, was 86 years old, and Ishaq was born when Ibrahim was 99 years old. (Ref: Surah As-Saffat, 37:101)

Allahu Akbar… think about it. His entire life, since his youth, Ibrahim had been living a life with the sole purpose of calling people to Allah and being rejected by his people, with barely any followers. Decades living in relative anonymity and rejection. And only when he was 86 years old – and 13 years after that for his second son – did Allah gift him with the source of his greatest legacy. 

WHAT WE CAN LEARN FROM THIS 

 

Be Patient. Focus on YOUR Efforts. Leave the Results to Allah.

Great things take time. Be patient and remain steadfast: Perhaps our greatest legacy – the barakah in our deeds – is yet to come. 

Don’t be disheartened if our sincere efforts, especially in da’wah, seem to have no apparent results. Don’t be demotivatd by the apparent lack of followers, shares or likes. In fact, don’t even be disheartened when people – including your own family members – reject you. 

Perhaps your biggest opportunities are ahead of you, and Allah is preparing you for that moment. Testing your sincerity. Allowing you to grow. No matter how old you are, NEVER consider that you have "peaked" or "past your prime". You never know when your big break - your tipping point - will be gifted with the Barakah from Allah in the days, months, or years to come.

After all, Prophet Ibrahim - the khaleel of Allah - his “big break” through his first child only happened when he was 86 years old. Yet, out of the wisdom of Allah, all of his years before that were crucial experiences in his life journey to shape who he was leading up to that tipping point. 

Sometimes, we might live our lives never fully seeing the fruits of our labor. Yet Allah could honor us after we depart.

Prophet Nuh called his people to Tauhid for 950 years (Surah Al-Ankabut 29:14). Yet how many followers did he gain in his lifetime? Ibn Kathir states that Nuh only had EIGHTY followers of believers who followed him on his ark (Ref: Tafsir Ibn Kathir, Surah Al-A’raf 7:64). 

Let that sink in: 80 followers in 950 years. That’s ONE follower in 12 years. 

Yet here we are, thousands of years later. Allah honored him in His Book as one of the most honorable human beings that has existed - among the ulul-’azm (the people of strong will) among the Messengers of Allah.

Still, all things considered, 80 followers is still somewhat substantial, in comparison to some other prophets.

The Prophet ﷺ said, “'The nations of the past were shown to me. I would see one or two prophets who had a few followers of less than 10 people. And I would also witness a prophet who would have no followers.” (Al-Bukhari)

Zero followers, yet prophets nevertheless! Still the most beloved to Allah, despite the apparent “lack of results”. 

 

And this is one major reminder that I always remind myself, and to the team at The Barakah Effect, and now to all of you out there: Don’t worry about how many followers or “likes” you get for any of your deeds. Don't get disheartened when people don't respond. 

Worry about our efforts, and leave the results to Allah. Worry about how what is WITHIN our control – our ikhlas, the ihsan in our efforts, the patience in remaining steadfast – and put our trust in Allah. 

If Allah accepts the deed, HE himself will add the Barakah, even if it is just through just ONE person! 

(And that one person might even appear AFTER you pass away!)

But we will only know for sure, after we leave. For now, it’s time to maintain ikhlas, keep our head low, put in the work, and keep moving forward: Continue seeking knowledge, improving ourselves, and keeping our eyes peeled for opportunities - and put your trust in Allah. 

Perhaps your Greatest Legacy is yet to come.  

May Allah grant us steadfastness upon iman, righteous deeds, and calling others upon truth and patience until the day we depart from this world.

Humility: Perceiving everyone else as being better than you

Such an excellent piece of life advice! 

It allows us to stay grounded, and not allow our own qualities to get to our heads or consider ourselves superior to others because we genuinely believe that they must have some quality that is better than us - perhaps we just don’t know it yet!  

Dr. Ali Albarghouthi writes, 

"Any good Muslim that we meet MUST have had least one good quality that he is better at than we are. And if we cannot find any, we should say: “Perhaps he has some good that I don’t know about”. When we meet different people and interact with them, we won’t fail to note how they could be superior to us." (Heart Therapy)

Bakr bin Abdullah said, “if you see someone who is older than you, say, “he has preceded me in iman and has more good deeds, so he is better than I am. And if you see someone younger than you, then say, “I have committed more sins and acts of disobedience, so he is better than I am.”

And if you see your brothers honoring you and respecting you, say that “they are merely praising the virtuous act that they themselves are practicing”. And if they neglect or abandon you, say “perhaps this is a consequence of a sin that I did” (Minhaj Al-Qasidin)

When we see people in this optimistic light, not only does it instill in us the need to respect others, and hence will be evident in our conduct of how we deal with them, but it also keeps our eyes peeled to seek out their positive qualities and allow ourselves to be inspired by them.

This mindset allows us to turn people around us into sources of inspiration, by choosing selective qualities from the people around us as our benchmarks, opening the doors for us to heed the call of Allah to 

فَاسْتَبِقُوا الْخَيْرَاتِ

 “Race towards all that is good!” (Al-Baqarah 2:148) 

Who, among the people around you, are your benchmarks and source of inspiration for generosity? Personal discipline? Punctuality? Likeability? Knowledge? Great parenting? Competency at work? High-EQ people skills? Writing? Da’wah?  

With this attitude, humility can turn into a lifehack for productivity & growth mindset!

Prophet Muhammad ﷺ said:

 وَمَا تَوَاضَعَ أَحَدٌ لِلَّهِ إِلاَّ رَفَعَهُ اللَّهُ

“No one humbles himself for the sake of Allah, except that Allah raises his status” (Muslim)