Collaboration for the sake of Allah

 

Let us join & support our friends over at @QalbyApp for their live event today!

Alhamdulillah on behalf of the @thebarakaheffect team, we are very grateful and honored to be part of their affiliates, and they have played such a huge role in providing a platform to us to reach out to hundreds - perhaps even thousands - of listeners and subscribers to date; offering plenty of opportunities for us to share whatever we can too (in turn assisting and facilitating us to develop ourselves!)

And it all started because the QalbyApp team were the first ones to reach out to us in the first place to sign an agreement to collaborate with them. The partners they picked up along the way is a sign of their continuous commitment to build communities (Jamaah) to collaborate in da'wah and calling the people towards khayr.

Which complements exactly in line with our goals of #TheBarakahEffect - 

 

PURPOSE: Inspiring communities of high achievers striving for continuous growth and excellence in Dunia and Hereafter.

VISION: A world where high aspiring Muslims strive for greatness through barakah as one Ummah.

Our efforts of da'wah should be a collaborative effort. It should not be done in isolation. We should be building on each others' strengths to complement each others' shortcomings and weaknesses. Not tearing each other up, giving up when we face challenges, or become a maverick to "leave group" and do everything by ourselves, splintering our friends and/or 'followers' in the process. 

And on that note, we also commend the team for their internal collaboration, briging in and synergizing so many great specialized talents to deliver as a team. Every time we collaborate with them, there always seems to be an impression that they are very well organized, structured. As a certified PMP, I give my personal seal of approval (for whatever THAT'S worth 🤣)

We pray that Allah keeps them steadfast and continues to provide their great work for the ummah, and that Allah bestows Barakah on all their efforts to attain success in dunya and akhirah.

Let's support them today at 11:00am insha Allah.

All the best, team! 

Our true, Authentic selves 🤔🔍

 

While we were recording the latest podcast episode of #theBarakahEffect podcast, I noticed the stark contrast of the camera view versus reality of what's happening in the room 😂..

I took a step back at my "studio" and realized: Our social media pages, YouTube videos are only a snapshot of what we CHOOSE to  reveal to others - not necessarily who we really are.
We can even extend that conduct at the workplace, behavior at the masjids, or mannerisms in the classroom. These are merely snippets of our persona - the tip of the tip of the iceberg - not necessarily our true, authentic selves.

This got me thinking:

1. Dangers of hypocrisy - Who are our TRUE selves, under the surface?
I remember watching this YouTube video about "the fake instagram life", demonstrating the dangers of false social media depictions of the rosy "highlight reels" of our lives, in contrast to the real, dirty secrets happening behind the scenes.

As Muslims, what we should strive to be is to be BETTER in secret than we are in public. Which is why the Prophet ﷺ emphasized that "the best of you is best towards his family": those who are closest to you and spend time with you, who see you in your lowest moments.

The Prophet ﷺ encouraged us to keep our good deeds a secret. This is why the righteous predecessors such as the companions used to hide their righteous deeds even from their own wives! Sometimes their wives wouldn't even know they snuck out of their beds to pray qiyamullayl (night prayer) in the middle of the night!

The mindset was: As long as Allah loves and recognizes my deeds, nothing else matters.

2. Everybody has flaws
I am reminded, time and time again, that every righteous individual - scholars, shuyookh, ustadz, and even prophets of Allah - they are all human beings. We shouldn't put them on a pedestal expecting perfection; rather, we need to empathize that just like us, they too have their low points and moments of vulnerability. They too are susceptible to committing mistakes.

But the righteous quality they possessed was that they took the difficult path to own up to those mistakes, rectify them, and keep moving forward. They didn't allow those flaws to force them into shame of self-blame that paralyzed them from taking action.

And more importantly, if we see our brother or sister slip, then if we had the true mindset of naseehah, we should take have the earnest desire to HELP THEM get back on track: not join in the mob of netizens to demonize them further and assist the agenda of shaitan!
(and if you can't help them, at least don't fuel the flames and just keep quiet!)

3. Be mindful of your choices
Because your social media persona is merely a product of what you choose to project, you have to consciously ask yourself: what role are you playing in this space?
What legacy - or trail - are you leaving behind?

4. Efforts versus Results. Often times, the product - what people "see" - is a product of a lot of hardwork that goes unnoticed behind the scenes.

"Champions do not become champions when they win the event, but in the hours, weeks, months, and years they spend preparing for it. The victorious performance itself is merely the demonstration of their championship character" (T. Alan Armstrong)

Always remember that when it comes to sincere effort for the sake of Allah, He Rewards every second of your efforts: Even if it doesn't yield tangible results!
"Verily those who have iman and work righteousness, we will never allow their deeds, done in the best way, to every be wasted!" (Al-Kahf 18:30)

Alright, time to clean up.. 🤣

How do we teach Tawhid to our Toddlers and young children?

As Muslims, the most important lesson that we need to be educating our children is the concept of tawhid (Oneness of Allah). But I often wondered: Where and when do we start? Do we wait until they reach a certain age before we start educating them on the concepts? Do we need to start with the 3 categories of tawheed?

I gave a lot of thought into how we can educate our son, Muawiyah: at 3 years old, a formative age when they are just beginning to develop their abilities of speech and reasoning.

Based on my readings and research, I found that at this age, through our actions, we can educate them Tawhid Ar-Rububiyyah (the Oneness of Allah in His Lordship) by two major acts in our day to day lives: values and gratitude.

1. Values

In speaking to our children every day, try to always tie it back to our values of “What Allah loves” or “What Allah does not like”. For example:

"Allah loves it when you..

- drink with your right hand

- make ibu happy

- say "thank you" to others

- keep yourself clean with a good shower

"Allah does NOT like it when you.. 

- hit other people

- say mean things to grandpa

This creates a sense of consciousness – which we will eventually shape into Taqwa – to be mindful about what we say or do, and to always ground it back to our principles as a Muslim, in Tawhid Rububiyyah – that Allah has the Absolute Rights to tell us what is right and wrong.

As a parent, what I also like about this technique is that it “forces” us to have integrity and be truthful in the values we try to impart to them to ensure that we ourselves are consistent with these values. We cannot simply say “Allah loves...” and fabricate some random act just to manipulate them to do something for our own selfish needs!

To really enhance the impact your words can influence them, try to add emotional impact by tying this back to your feelings as a parent. “Allah loves __(insert deed)___ and that makes Abah so happy”. 

This is the technique taught by the parenting book, “Raising Good Humans” by Hunter Clarke-Fields, called “i-messages” – where the parent expresses his/her emotions regarding the child’s actions, as opposed to traditional punishment or threats of “Jahannam”:

“I-messages are great because they help us meet our needs without putting the child on the defensive. They also help us take ownership of our own feelings rather than implying that they are caused by our children. We can use I-messages to express our own needs, expectations, problems, feelings, or concerns to our children in a respectful way without attacking them. We can even use I-messages to express praise and appreciation more skillfully.

When you express with honesty and kindness what’s going on for you, your child will have little to argue with. Your statement now invites empathy rather than resistance, helping your child to cooperate because she wants to, not because she is forced to.” (End Quote)

There is a powerful underlying emotional depth to this approach: when we nurture them with love and care, we influence genuine cooperation without the use of force or authority. And when we couple that genuine cooperation with our Islamic Values of Tawhid – it gradually nurtures them with the conscience to consider, “what is Allah pleased with?”

2. Gratitude 

Another core aspect of tawhid rububiyah, always remind and reinforce in our children’s hearts, that all the great things in life are from Allah. 

“And whatever of blessings and good things you have, it is from Allah.” (Surah An-Nahl 16:53)

But to do this effectively, don’t refer to abstract things that they cannot relate to such as “who created Jannah?” or the angels, or even “who caused the rain to fall” or even “your eyesight”, because these blessings are too vague for toddlers to appreciate or empathize.

Instead, try to use language which is relatable to them to the things that THEY love and appreciated: Who created these toys? This food is yummy right – Who made the food? Who created this pretty beach / wonderful park? Who gave you Ibu & Abah / Mom & Dad? 

This one takes a bit more additional conscious effort, because honestly, even we adults fall short of reminding ourselves of the blessings of Allah! So with this “end goal” in mind of educating our children, it helps us too!

This is, in practice the du’aa that we recite often:

رَبَّنَا هَبْ لَنَا مِنْ أَزْوَاجِنَا وَذُرِّيَّاتِنَا قُرَّةَ أَعْيُنٍ وَاجْعَلْنَا لِلْمُتَّقِينَ إِمَامًا

“Our Lord! Bestow on us from our wives and our offspring who will be the comfort of our eyes, and make us leaders (imams) to the people of taqwa (righteousness and consciousness in Allah” (Al-Furqan 25:74)

To paraphrase Ibn Al-Qayyim’s commentary on this du’aa: “To be the imam of the people of taqwa, we need to have taqwa first!”

These two actions may seem relatively minor, but when we do them in their day to day lives consistently throughout their childhood, it gradually shapes their character and paradigm to live with Tawhid - and as they grow older, we can gradually scale up that depth of knowledge as they mature in their cognitive abilities.

Have that clear sincere intention as a parent, and put your trust in Allah, that He will never allow any of your efforts to go to waste (18:30).

The Prophet ﷺ said, “the most beloved deeds to Allah are those that are done CONSISTENTLY, even if they are small” (Al-Bukhari).

Would love to hear from other fellow parents too.

Tried implementing the two techniques above? Any other tips in nurturing tawhid in our little ones? 

"It's just a sunnah"

Dr. Bilal Philips was once questioned, 

"Our Muslim brothers and sisters are suffering in Palestine, and here you are talking about eating and drinking with the right hand?!" 

He replied (something to the effect of):

"The point is: if you can't implement a #sunnah as simple as drinking with your right hand, then how can you expect to do something more difficult, let alone resolve the issues in Palestine?" 

It makes perfect sense, when you scale up the stakes:

How can we expect big changes to happen in society or our "leaders" to be rectified, if we ourselves refuse to make the small changes within our control? When we ourselves go fatwa shopping, give excuses, or belittle our Prophet's ﷺ guidance as "just a sunnah"? 

The Prophet ﷺ said:

إِذَا أَكَلَ أَحَدُكُمْ فَلْيَأْكُلْ بِيَمِينِهِ وَإِذَا شَرِبَ فَلْيَشْرَبْ بِيَمِينِهِ فَإِنَّ الشَّيْطَانَ يَأْكُلُ بِشِمَالِهِ وَيَشْرَبُ بِشِمَالِهِ

"When any one of you intends to eat (meal), he should eat with his right hand. and when he (intends) to drink he should drink with his right hand, for shaitan eats with his left hand and drinks with his left hand." (Muslim) 

Eating and drinking are habits that we do many times every day. Imagine the impact that they have on us in the long run, if we keep on feeding Shaitan and allow his influence to grow. Perhaps this could be one underlying reason why we are so lazy to perform ibadah, and so susceptible to his tricks (e.g. Fatwa shopping & excuses) 

On the other hand, look at the amazing effects of implementing the simple sunnah of saying "Alhamdulillah" every time after we eat or drink something. Imagine the impact on us if Allah is Pleased with us EVERY SINGLE time: 

The Prophet ﷺ said:

إِنَّ اللَّهَ لَيَرْضَى عَنِ الْعَبْدِ أَنْ يَأْكُلَ الأَكْلَةَ فَيَحْمَدَهُ عَلَيْهَا أَوْ يَشْرَبَ الشَّرْبَةَ فَيَحْمَدَهُ عَلَيْهَا

"Indeed Allah is pleased with the slave who, upon eating his food or drinking his drink, he praises Him for it." (Muslim) 

It is such a huge mercy from Allah that He made it so easy to earn His Pleasure.

(And just imagine the impact this would have on our children in the long run, if we instill this simple habit!)

Missing the Prophet ﷺ? Seven Habits that can Unite us with Prophet Muhammad ﷺ in Jannatul Firdaus #LoveRasulullah #CintaRasul

Food for thought: How much do WE yearn to be with the Prophet ﷺ? How much do we miss him?

I am reminded of this very touching hadith about the Crying Tree that yearned for the presence of the Messenger of Allah ﷺ. Jabir bin Abdillah narrated: The Prophet (ﷺ) used to lean by a date-palm tree on Fridays (while delivering his khutbah / Friday sermon). One day, an Ansari woman or man offered, "O Allah's Messenger (ﷺ)! Shall we make a pulpit (mimbar) for you?"
He replied, "If you wish."

So they made a pulpit for him and when it was Friday, he therefore proceeded towards the pulpit (for delivering the sermon).
The date palm cried like a child – (to the extent that everyone in the masjid could hear the tree crying – ibn Majah)
The Prophet (ﷺ) descended (the pulpit) and embraced it while it continued weeping like a child being comforted until it is quiet.

قَالَ ‏"‏ كَانَتْ تَبْكِي عَلَى مَا كَانَتْ تَسْمَعُ مِنَ الذِّكْرِ عِنْدَهَا ‏"
The Prophet (ﷺ) said, "It was crying for (missing) what it used to listen to the dzikr (Remembrance of Allah, which I delivered) near to it."
(Narrated by Al-Bukhari)

فَقَالَ ‏ "‏ لَوْ لَمْ أَحْتَضِنْهُ لَحَنَّ إِلَى يَوْمِ الْقِيَامَةِ ‏"‏ ‏.‏
The Prophet said, “If I had not embraced it, it would have continued to grieve until the Day of Resurrection.” (Ibn Majah)

Can we just take a moment to gush over the Prophet’s ﷺ Emotional Intelligence, so much so that he had deep empathy for the feelings of a tree: an inanimate object?
How much MORE empathy and compassion would he have had for his nation, his followers, his companions, his own family members? Especially when one considers the hadith, that “the best of you is best towards his family, and I am the best towards MY family”!

But here is the more important lesson for us: A tree crying because it "missed" the presence of Rasulullah ﷺ pronouncing the Dzikr of Allah. And it cried so loudly like a child (and in other authentic narrations, cried like a pregnant camel), a feeling of loss that was so great that the Prophet ﷺ had to COMFORT the tree, or else it would continue to grieve until the end of time! That tree would have still be crying today, 1400 years later, had it not been for the Prophet ﷺ.

How many of us miss – and yearn to be with – the Prophet ﷺ like this tree?
Or are our hearts so dead that even an inanimate object has more "life" than our souls?

Well, I got news for you: if you believe in him and his message, HE ﷺ certainly would love to meet you.
He once said, “I wish I could meet my brothers.”
The Prophet’s companions said, “Are we not your brothers?”
The Prophet said, “You are my companions, but my brothers are those who have faith in me although they never saw me.” (Ahmad)

How much love did he have for YOU that he considers YOU as his brother – or sister – and that he would love to meet you.

Here’s the great news: From the Mercy of Allah, Allah has taught us, through his noble Messenger ﷺ some specific acts and ways in which we can earn his companionship in paradise and on the Day of Judgment.
Just like we would go to great lengths to the people we love, likewise, we love him we should do acts which increases our chances to be with him.
Here are seven Acts that Allah has opened the path to companionship with the Prophet ﷺ:

1. Obeying Him
2. Nurturing true love for him
3. Taking care of orphans
4. Increasing our Nawafil (sunnah) prayers
5. Sending more Salawat Upon him
6. Inculcating good akhlaq (character and manners)
7. Making Du’aa for his companionship

It is worth highlighting as well, that to yearn to be with the Prophet ﷺ is much greater than yearning to be in his physical presence. As we all know, the Prophet ﷺ will be in Jannatul Firdaus: the highest level of Paradise.

In practice, with respect to our belief as Muslims, to be together with him ﷺ means we yearn to be at the highest level of Paradise – Jannatul Firdaus – the greatest level that any human being can ever achieve, and therefore immediately implies that we are setting our highest aspirations to get the best rewards from Allah. And this is something which the Prophet ﷺ wanted all of us to instil in us. He ﷺ said:

"Paradise has one-hundred grades which Allah has reserved for the Mujahidin who fight in His Cause, and the distance between each of two grades is like the distance between the Heaven and the Earth. So, when you ask Allah (for something), ask for Al-firdaus which is the best and highest part of Paradise."

The sub-narrator added, "I think the Prophet also said, 'Above it (i.e. Al-Firdaus) is the Throne of Beneficent (i.e. Allah), and from it originate the rivers of Paradise." (Al-Bukhari)

And here is great news for all of us: He left us with some specific instructions on HOW we can earn his companionship!

A major important point to note here is to read the following hadith with a renewed intention and optimistic hopes in our hearts: Every time we perform these deeds – or at least, strive our level best to perform them – we are consciously putting the effort, that “with this, I hope I can be united with the one I Love ﷺ”

And every time you yearn to be with him, perform one of the following deeds, or find a means to establish them as a routine habit in your daily life.

1. Obeying Him.
One of the companions confessed his deep concerns to the Prophet ﷺ:

“O Messenger of Allah! Verily, you are more beloved to me than myself, and I love you more than my own family, and I love you more than my own children!
And verily, when I return to my home, I remember you, and I cannot wait to come back and see you again. But when I think about my death, and your death, I know for sure that when you enter paradise, you will be raised amongst the company of the Prophets – and I fear that, if I enter Paradise, I will not see you (or be with you)!”

He remained silent.

Until the angel Jibril revealed the verse in surah An-Nisa, 69:
﴿وَمَن يُطِعِ اللَّهَ وَالرَّسُولَ فَأُوْلَـئِكَ مَعَ الَّذِينَ أَنْعَمَ اللَّهُ عَلَيْهِم مِّنَ النَّبِيِّينَ وَالصِّدِّيقِينَ وَالشُّهَدَآءِ وَالصَّـلِحِينَ وَحَسُنَ أُولَـئِكَ رَفِيقاً ﴾
“And whoever obeys Allah and the Messenger, then they will be in the company of those on whom Allah has bestowed His grace, of the Prophets, the true believers, the martyrs, and the righteous. And how excellent these companions are!” (Narrated by Ahmad Shakir, graded Sahih lighayrihi)

Here Allah is reassuring us, that if you obey Allah and the Messenger – regardless of the time period you live in – you will be with the Prophet Muhammad ﷺ, and in fact amongst the company of the other Prophets too!

2. Nurturing True Love for Him.
Abu Dzar said, “O Messenger of Allah! A man loves another people; however he is not able to perform deeds just like those people do”.
The Prophet ﷺ said, “O Abu Dzar, you will be with those whom you Love”
Abu Dzar said, “Well then if that is the case, verily, I love Allah and His Messenger”
The Prophet ﷺ said, “Well then if that is the case, you will be with those whom you Love”
Abu Dzar then repeated what he said, and Messenger of Allah also repeated what he said ﷺ” (Abu Daud)

“You will be with those you love?”
SubhanAllah – does that apply for ME, too?!

In another hadith, Anas bin Malik narrated: A man asked the Prophet (ﷺ) about the Hour (i.e. Day of Judgment) saying, "When will the Hour be?" The Prophet (ﷺ) said, "What have you prepared for it?" The man said, "Nothing, except that I love Allah and His Apostle."
The Prophet (ﷺ) said, "You will be with those whom you love."

But Here’s the best part – after hearing this hadith, Anas bin Malik said:
We had never been so glad as we were on hearing that saying of the Prophet (i.e., "You will be with those whom you love.").
Therefore, I love the Prophet, Abu Bakr and `Umar, and I hope that I will be with them because of my love for them though my deeds are not similar to them. (Al-Bukhari, Muslim)

3. Taking Care of Orphans.
The Prophet ﷺ said, “"I and the one who looks after an orphan will be like this in Paradise," showing his middle and index fingers and separating them. (Al-Bukhari, Muslim)

4. Increasing our Nawafil (Sunnah) prayers.
Rabi'a b. Ka'b said: I was with Allah's Messenger (ﷺ) one night. and I brought him water and what he required. He said to me: Ask (anything you like). I said: I ask your company in Paradise.
He ﷺ said: Anything Else?
I said: That is all (what I require).
He said: “Then help me to achieve this for you by increasing in your prostrations (sujod)”. (Muslim)

5. Sending More Salawat Upon Him
He ﷺ said, “ “The person closest to me on the Day of Judgement is the one who sent the most Salat upon me” (At-Tirmidzi, hasan)

6. Having Good Akhlaq
He ﷺ said, “Indeed the most beloved among you to me, and the nearest to sit with me on the Day of Judgment is the best of you in character.” (At-Tirmidzi)

7. Making Du’aa for His Companionship.
One of the best ways to obtain companionship with Rasulullah ﷺ is to simply ASK Allah in du’aa (supplication) to be united with him

Although there aren’t necessarily any specific du’aa that are recommended, perhaps one du’aa that we can recite was that made by Abdullah ibn Mas’ud

One day in the Masjid of the Prophet ﷺ ibn Mas’ood (radi Allahu anhu) was praying while the Prophet ﷺ was sitting with Abu Bakr and Umar.

He said referring to ibn Mas’ood, “Ask, and you will be given!”
The next day, Abu Bakr  met ibn Mas’ood to give him the glad tidings of what the Prophet ﷺ said of him. They asked him what du’aa he made and he replied:

اللَّهُمَّ إنِّي أسأَلُكَ إيمانًا لا يرتَدُّ، ونَعيمًا لا ينفَدُ، ومُرافقةَ النَّبيِّ صلَّى اللهُ عليه وسلَّمَ، في أَعلى غُرَفِ الجنَّةِ، جنَّةِ الخُلدِ

"O Allah, I ask you for firm faith that does not revert, and bliss that never ends, and then companionship of Muhammad at the highest (level) of eternal Paradise."
(Ahmad)

Generally speaking, we can also make du’aa for Allah to grant us Jannatul Firdaus – as this will automatically imply we obtain companionship with the Prophet ﷺ there.

May Allah grant us steadfastness to perform these acts, and may He unite us and our family members in the company of our beloved Prophet Muhammad ﷺ in the highest levels of Paradise 🤲🏽

"Muawiyah nak wash hand sendiri" - handling accidents after the fall

Since he was 3, Muawiyah always insisted to independently wash his hands by himself. He would casually walk up to the sink, adjust the plastic stool, climb up, turn the tap on, wash, come down and wipe his hands. 

But yesterday, something was different. The floor was wet 💦

While he excitedly hurried to the sink, he tripped the slippery marble floor, experienced a pretty nasty fall on his head 🤕, and cried in pain 😭. 

As parents, our response in the aftermath these moments play a huge role in educating them about confronting adversities. 

🙄Ignore them, and you might leave them feeling isolated and abandoned. 

😱Show an overbearing concern, and they might imprint this moment as a traumatic incident, possibly even suffering PTSD associated with that action or location. 

🛡️Become too overprotective - lecture them, shielding them from further attempts, or insisting to help them - and you might subconsciously teach them that "I am not capable" by robbing them from grit and self-learning. 

What do you do? 

The key is to always make them feel supported and cared for. While at the same time, assisting them overcome their fears so they can have the confidence to stand up on their two feet.

After calming him down with a hug and confirming there were no persisting injuries, I immediately went with him to the "incident site", investigated and debriefed what happened. 

"Oh, Muawiyah, the floor was wet! That's why it was slippery, and then you fell down!" 

He looked with curiosity, as I wiped the floor in front of him to provide reassurance. "okay Muawiyah, it's not slippery anymore! You want to wash your hands now?"

"Yup" 

He climbed up the plastic stool, washed his hands, and jumped down like a boss 😎. 

Alhamdulillah PTSD averted 😅 

Tarbiyah: Conditioning our Habit Triggers

 

As Muawiyah and I were playing by the beach, a sound of a motorbike could be heard coming from a distance, and then the ringing of a bell 🏍️🔔

For us Malaysians, this only meant one thing: ICE CREAM! 🍦😋

Immediately, the sound of that bell triggered fond memories of my childhood, eating ice cream in a hot dog bun. 🌭

In that moment, I immediately looked at Muawiyah to observe his reaction: in my head, already planning in advance a respectful negotiation script to convince him that I don’t want to buy ice cream for him.

Hearing the sounds of the bell, Muawiyah looked towards the motorbike, took a good glance of the uncle with the bike.

Then, it happened:

He looked away, completely uninterested. And resumed playing by the beach.

Anticlimax?

🤣

From that split second, I learnt: Muawiyah’s mind was not conditioned to know that this bell indicates “ice-cream.” 

For many of us Malaysian kids, this trigger-reward was seared into our emotions and subconscious: While enjoying ourselves with the family by the beach, at the soothing background sound of rolling waves, and that bell on a motorcycle meant one thing: an uncle who would sell satisfying sweet ice cream, under burning hot sun at a price so cheap that our parents and uncles wouldn't refuse!

That bell was a significant trigger: it would signal that, “you’re having fun now, but BOY, things are going to get even more awesome!”

In the book “Power of Habit”, psychologists have discovered that when our minds are conditioned to certain cues, knowing they are associated with rewards (i.e. bell >> ice cream). And sometimes, our minds are so well-conditioned to it, that our brain releases pleasure chemicals even at the mere cue / trigger itself, because it EXPECTS to be rewarded (even if we don’t actually receive the reward!)

But what if we never trained ourselves to associate that cue with a reward? 

The cue becomes just another sound in the background.

Because we never indulged in ice-cream-uncle-by-the-beach in the presence of Muawiyah, he didn’t learn to associate the bell with ice cream (even though he loves ice cream!) To him, it was a bell on just another motorbike with a container, no different than a Grab or Foodpanda motorbike.

What I learnt from this about parenting: How are we conditioning our children to respond to – or ignore –  ‘triggers’ and cues in things occuring in everyday life? 

As Muslims, how are we training them to perform acts and dzikr from the Sunnah in every day activities and events? When they eat, when they sleep, wake up, when they enter/leave the house, and so on? 

Courage through Companionship

Our recent vacation was the first trip to the beach in over 6 months. When we first arrived, Muawiyah was hesitant to touch the water and was avoiding it, preferring to play in the sand. Perhaps he wasn’t sure what to expect of the waves, the undercurrent, the sharp broken seashells on the beach surface, or simply intimidated by the rolling sound of the waves.

Every time we encouraged him to go in, he would prefer backing off and refuse dipping in.

Until we stood by his side, step by step. First stepping in the shallow water without dipping in. Then burying our feet in the sand as we felt the sensation of the waves and their undercurrent pulling our feet. Then jumping above the waves, feeling the exciting splashes amidst the crashing waves. Then occasionally falling and getting wet, remembering the sensation of seawater entering our eyes.

It was almost as if he needed someone to help unpeel the layers of fear that he had. To gradually prove to him that “it’s okay”

Before long, he was having a blast almost all by himself. And by the time this photo was taken, he didn’t want to leave the water!

Life Lesson:

Fear has a tendency of paralyzing us from acting and progressing beyond our comfort zone, even if we are capable to do so in the first place! As human beings, sometimes we need companions by our side to help us face our fears. A third party to provide the psychological safety and emotional comfort, knowing someone’s got our back. Or simply another person to brave those same uncertainties to convince us that “it can be done” or that “it’s not so bad”.

The same was true, even for the Prophets of God. When Prophet Musa was instructed to confront the Pharaoh, he was terrified! He requested Allah for assistance: “And appoint for me a minister from my family - Harun, my brother.  Increase my strength through him and let him share my task” (Surah Ta-Ha, 20:25-32)

Question: What did prophet Harun actually DO during the confrontation with fir’aun? (Look it up!)

His mere PRESENCE brought strength of courage for Musa. 

In fact, even after assigning Harun, Allah instructed them to confront fir’aun, they openly admitted they still feared him – and then Allah reassured them, 

“Don’t be afraid, both of you! Verily I am with you, listening and watching” (Ta-Ha, 20:45-46)

When they saw fir’aun’s magicians cast their spell, Musa felt intense fear once again – and AGAIN, Allah reassured him: “Do not be afraid – you have the upper hand!” (Ta-Ha, 20:66-68)

In addition to granting him his wish of assigning his brother Harun to help him, time and time again, Allah reassured Musa not to be afraid, that He was with him, supporting him.

When Prophet Muhammad ﷺ first received revelation, he was absolutely terrified, too! It was his beloved wife, our mother Khadijah, who would console him with kind words of reassurance, and provided him with the support to seek professional help: by consulting a learned man, her cousin Waraqah. 

If this was the case with prophets, how about you and I? 

Our close family – our wives, our parents, our best friends behind the scenes – play an absolutely crucial role to fuel us with the courage to help us thrive and become the best people we are capable of becoming. 

Find that source of courage. And more importantly, BE that source of courage to your loved ones.

Teach your children to Memorize the Opening of Surah Al-Kahf: while grocery shopping too

 

Always a great time going grocery shopping with Little Man 🛒😍

Long queues today! Let's do some Hifz together, Muawiyah 📖

Rasulullah ﷺ said,
مَنْ حَفِظَ عَشْرَ آيَاتٍ مِنْ أَوَّلِ سُورَةِ الْكَهْفِ عُصِمَ مِنَ الدَّجَّالِ
"Whomsoever memorizes the first ten ayaat of Surah al-Kahf, he will be protected from the Dajjal." (Muslim)

Let's all proactively play our part in maximizing every opportunity we have to protect our families from the calamities of the End of Times 😍😍😍

The Impact of Subconscious Habits in Parenting

 

I've always thought that the primary guideline of parenting is to "Lead by Example". But I also learnt that there is more nuance to this. 

From the readings of non-fiction books related to parenting & habits, and my own personal observations of raising our 3-year old Muawiyah so far, I came to realize more and more, that as parents, we need to place emphasis on being mindful of our subconscious habits. The more time we spend with them, the more prominent these habits shape our children's behavior and mindsets as they grow up. 

Essentially, our subconscious habits "lead" the example for our child's upbringing!

Here are some seemingly mundane day-to-day scenarios at home that expose our subconscious behavior, reveal & shape our Akhlaq (character & mannerisms):

👋🏽How we respond when we greet him - do we say "hi", give salams, or ignore their presence?

😠How we behave when we get emotional (excited or angry)

📲Our smart phone habits in their presence & in the presence of other family members

💬How we treat him when he is excited to share his stories and experience, or make us laugh 

❗What we say or do when he tries to make unreasonable demands, burst at us or deliberately try to annoy us 

🔊How we respond when he tries to get our attention while we are busy or working from home

😩How we spend time when we are bored

🗯️How we speak to our wife (i.e. His mother) and other family members

🙏🏽How we respond when others do favors for us, or when we make a genuine mistake - whether we choose to demonstrate gratitude or apology

✌🏼How we greet and interact with others around us whom we meet, such as neighbors, friends, and even security guards! 

Imagine how many times these events happen in a day! 

Our children will eventually be a product of the observations they emulate in (or get repulsed by) their day-to-day interactions with us. 

So, as parents, we have to:

1. Be MINDFUL of what we say & do in these moments, and their impact to our child's behavior ;

2. Decide what outcome we want our actions to have on them; 

3. Shape our habits towards course correction

These are aspects of being "best to your family" 😊

First Clubhouse Conversation: “How to be Productive in society?”

 

Alhamdulillah today I had my very first Clubhouse conversation with brothers Faraz, Amir and Harun. 

Here are some key takeaways:

1. Being productive in society starts with being PROACTIVE:

This is essentially what is described by the Prophet ﷺ as the strong believer: 

“Hasten and rush to seize that which will benefit you, seek the help of Allah, and do not be incapacitated or helpless!” (Muslim)

When a proactive individual recognizes something is good, you have determination to know it has a value and benefit, even if the people at large, the community, doesn’t quite see it in that way. They are able to see it for the substance, and seize the opportunity immediately. You don’t “wait and see”, get incapacitated by fear and insecurity, overthinking “what will the people say?”, or wait until symptoms of something terrible (or symptoms of problems) before you start taking action

2. Having High Aspirations

"Champions aren't made in the gyms. Champions are made from something they have deep inside them - a desire, a dream, a vision" (Muhammad Ali)

For you to be proactive, you need to know what to be proactive about in the first place. Or else, opportunities will pass you by without you even knowing they are valuable chances for you to seize them in the first place! And this can only be made possible if you have a clear sense of identity and purpose, aspirations of what you want to achieve. THEN the symptom of this high aspiration would be your proactiveness.

For me, personally, my biggest source of inspiration is the hadith wherein the Prophet said, when the son of Adam dies, all his deeds are cut off except 3: “Ongoing charity, knowledge that is benefitted from, and righteous children who supplicate for him” (Muslim)

Every day I ask myself, “what have I done today to invest in these 3?”

And that’s usually enough to get me off my backside and DO SOMETHING. 

3. Focus on Efforts, Not results

You just focus on the efforts. Allah will bring the results. If Allah deems that your deed is worth sharing, HE will add the barakah.

I would always remind the team at @thebarakaheffect: “don’t bother with how many people view, like, or subscribe to our channel. Worry about how sincere we are and how much effort we put in to deliver the BEST quality we are capable of, with ihsan. If Allah deems it worthy, HE will add the Barakah”

4. Sabr – Be methodical, don’t act based on emotion

Although we want to be proactive, we should always tamper that with sabr. Too many times today, our da’wah efforts are driven by emotion – as a result, a lot of initiatives, organizations, and charity drives are only “flash of the pan”, that we are only reacting to issues when they appear or start going viral. 

Being proactive and productive in society requires us to take our time, to plan things out and do our work systematically, to collaborate with the right team that makes up more than the sum of it parts. In that manner, insha Allah we can aim towards istiqamah (steadfastness): Deliver a sustainable, continuous value to society, not just one hit wonders.