The Impact of Subconscious Habits in Parenting

 

I've always thought that the primary guideline of parenting is to "Lead by Example". But I also learnt that there is more nuance to this. 

From the readings of non-fiction books related to parenting & habits, and my own personal observations of raising our 3-year old Muawiyah so far, I came to realize more and more, that as parents, we need to place emphasis on being mindful of our subconscious habits. The more time we spend with them, the more prominent these habits shape our children's behavior and mindsets as they grow up. 

Essentially, our subconscious habits "lead" the example for our child's upbringing!

Here are some seemingly mundane day-to-day scenarios at home that expose our subconscious behavior, reveal & shape our Akhlaq (character & mannerisms):

👋🏽How we respond when we greet him - do we say "hi", give salams, or ignore their presence?

😠How we behave when we get emotional (excited or angry)

📲Our smart phone habits in their presence & in the presence of other family members

💬How we treat him when he is excited to share his stories and experience, or make us laugh 

❗What we say or do when he tries to make unreasonable demands, burst at us or deliberately try to annoy us 

🔊How we respond when he tries to get our attention while we are busy or working from home

😩How we spend time when we are bored

🗯️How we speak to our wife (i.e. His mother) and other family members

🙏🏽How we respond when others do favors for us, or when we make a genuine mistake - whether we choose to demonstrate gratitude or apology

✌🏼How we greet and interact with others around us whom we meet, such as neighbors, friends, and even security guards! 

Imagine how many times these events happen in a day! 

Our children will eventually be a product of the observations they emulate in (or get repulsed by) their day-to-day interactions with us. 

So, as parents, we have to:

1. Be MINDFUL of what we say & do in these moments, and their impact to our child's behavior ;

2. Decide what outcome we want our actions to have on them; 

3. Shape our habits towards course correction

These are aspects of being "best to your family" 😊