As Muslims, the most important lesson that we need to be educating our children is the concept of tawhid (Oneness of Allah). But I often wondered: Where and when do we start? Do we wait until they reach a certain age before we start educating them on the concepts? Do we need to start with the 3 categories of tawheed?
I gave a lot of thought into how we can educate our son, Muawiyah: at 3 years old, a formative age when they are just beginning to develop their abilities of speech and reasoning.
Based on my readings and research, I found that at this age, through our actions, we can educate them Tawhid Ar-Rububiyyah (the Oneness of Allah in His Lordship) by two major acts in our day to day lives: values and gratitude.
1. Values
In speaking to our children every day, try to always tie it back to our values of “What Allah loves” or “What Allah does not like”. For example:
"Allah loves it when you..
- drink with your right hand
- make ibu happy
- say "thank you" to others
- keep yourself clean with a good shower
"Allah does NOT like it when you..
- hit other people
- say mean things to grandpa
This creates a sense of consciousness – which we will eventually shape into Taqwa – to be mindful about what we say or do, and to always ground it back to our principles as a Muslim, in Tawhid Rububiyyah – that Allah has the Absolute Rights to tell us what is right and wrong.
As a parent, what I also like about this technique is that it “forces” us to have integrity and be truthful in the values we try to impart to them to ensure that we ourselves are consistent with these values. We cannot simply say “Allah loves...” and fabricate some random act just to manipulate them to do something for our own selfish needs!
To really enhance the impact your words can influence them, try to add emotional impact by tying this back to your feelings as a parent. “Allah loves __(insert deed)___ and that makes Abah so happy”.
This is the technique taught by the parenting book, “Raising Good Humans” by Hunter Clarke-Fields, called “i-messages” – where the parent expresses his/her emotions regarding the child’s actions, as opposed to traditional punishment or threats of “Jahannam”:
“I-messages are great because they help us meet our needs without putting the child on the defensive. They also help us take ownership of our own feelings rather than implying that they are caused by our children. We can use I-messages to express our own needs, expectations, problems, feelings, or concerns to our children in a respectful way without attacking them. We can even use I-messages to express praise and appreciation more skillfully.
When you express with honesty and kindness what’s going on for you, your child will have little to argue with. Your statement now invites empathy rather than resistance, helping your child to cooperate because she wants to, not because she is forced to.” (End Quote)
There is a powerful underlying emotional depth to this approach: when we nurture them with love and care, we influence genuine cooperation without the use of force or authority. And when we couple that genuine cooperation with our Islamic Values of Tawhid – it gradually nurtures them with the conscience to consider, “what is Allah pleased with?”
2. Gratitude
Another core aspect of tawhid rububiyah, always remind and reinforce in our children’s hearts, that all the great things in life are from Allah.
“And whatever of blessings and good things you have, it is from Allah.” (Surah An-Nahl 16:53)
But to do this effectively, don’t refer to abstract things that they cannot relate to such as “who created Jannah?” or the angels, or even “who caused the rain to fall” or even “your eyesight”, because these blessings are too vague for toddlers to appreciate or empathize.
Instead, try to use language which is relatable to them to the things that THEY love and appreciated: Who created these toys? This food is yummy right – Who made the food? Who created this pretty beach / wonderful park? Who gave you Ibu & Abah / Mom & Dad?
This one takes a bit more additional conscious effort, because honestly, even we adults fall short of reminding ourselves of the blessings of Allah! So with this “end goal” in mind of educating our children, it helps us too!
This is, in practice the du’aa that we recite often:
رَبَّنَا هَبْ لَنَا مِنْ أَزْوَاجِنَا وَذُرِّيَّاتِنَا قُرَّةَ أَعْيُنٍ وَاجْعَلْنَا لِلْمُتَّقِينَ إِمَامًا
“Our Lord! Bestow on us from our wives and our offspring who will be the comfort of our eyes, and make us leaders (imams) to the people of taqwa (righteousness and consciousness in Allah” (Al-Furqan 25:74)
To paraphrase Ibn Al-Qayyim’s commentary on this du’aa: “To be the imam of the people of taqwa, we need to have taqwa first!”
These two actions may seem relatively minor, but when we do them in their day to day lives consistently throughout their childhood, it gradually shapes their character and paradigm to live with Tawhid - and as they grow older, we can gradually scale up that depth of knowledge as they mature in their cognitive abilities.
Have that clear sincere intention as a parent, and put your trust in Allah, that He will never allow any of your efforts to go to waste (18:30).
The Prophet ﷺ said, “the most beloved deeds to Allah are those that are done CONSISTENTLY, even if they are small” (Al-Bukhari).
Would love to hear from other fellow parents too.
Tried implementing the two techniques above? Any other tips in nurturing tawhid in our little ones?
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