Professionalism in Criticism & Feedback: Focus on the action not the person & don't exaggerate

 

As we head into year end performance review cycle and get into the oh-so-uncomfortable task of exchanging feedback, it’s a timely reminder to ground ourselves on the excellent, concise advice of Imam Ash-Shafi’ee on criticism and/or giving feedback to others:

💖1. Purify your intentions and Dress your words well.
Put in a deliberate effort to craft your words tactfully and empathetically. Don’t think of this as an opportunity to exact your revenge or unleash your resentful vengeance. Our intention here is naseehah: to enhance and improve - and the words we choose to convey can have a profound difference on the impact it creates. Don’t create an opening for shaitan to sow seeds of hatred and dissent!

وَقُلْ لِعِبَادِي يَقُولُوا الَّتِي هِيَ أَحْسَنُ ۚ إِنَّ الشَّيْطَانَ يَنْزَغُ بَيْنَهُمْ ۚ إِنَّ الشَّيْطَانَ كَانَ لِلْإِنْسَانِ عَدُوًّا مُبِينًا
"And say to My slaves that they should (only) say those words that are the best. (Because) Shaitan (Satan) verily, sows disagreements among them. Surely, Shaitan (Satan) is to man a plain enemy." (Surah Al-Isra 17:53)

🎯 2. Focus on the action, not the person

This one is important: when we provide criticism and feedback, separate “the work” from “the person”: avoid attacking the person’s character; instead, focus on the task at hand on what he/she did. 

Imam Ash-Shafi’ee emphasized not to call the person a compulsive liar (كَذَّابٌ), but rather, just focus on his output & work deliverables - that the person’s narrations “aren’t usable”

✅ Instead of calling a person “lazy”, address the person’s low productivity output which did not met expectations
✅ Rather than label others as a “toxic co-worker”, focus on the specific behaviors - which that person may or may not realize - which resulted in negative consequences to the people around him/her, such as creating a psychologically unsafe environment, or resulting in other team members avoiding him/her, hampering collaborative work.

📜 3. Don’t exaggerate. Stick to the facts.

When we talk about one’s character, there is always a tendency to exaggerate the “story” based on our perception and blow it out of proportion.

Instead of using “compulsive liar” or labelling a person’s credibility or considering one to be “having no integrity”, stick to the facts: Highlight the behaviors which are perceived as dishonest, or historical evidences of being caught lying.

Extending to this principle, avoid hyperbolic words that can lead to exaggeration such as “always” or “never”. This has the same effect subsequently labelling the person and veering off into "unprofessional" territory.

May Allah make us amongst those who give and receive feedback in the best manner, and make our feedback as a means of naseehah and continuous improvement for success in dunya and akhirah

🤗 The Joy of Meeting our family when they return home 😍

 

الْحَمْدُ لِلَّهِ الَّذِي بِنِعْمَتِهِ تَتِمُّ الصَّالِحَاتُ

One of the things that brings me the most joy is seeing my 4-year old Muawiyah’s excited expression of sheer happiness when I return home from work - especially from a business trip.

Immediately as I enter the home, he is so excited that he just starts talking about what he did, and proudly shows off the toys he built and the achievements that he’s accomplished while I am gone. What surprised me, is that even though I told him I have presents for him, he gets so excited to meet and talk to Abah, that he almost forgot about his presents.

Masha Allah, what a great ni’mah from Allah, Allahumma barik. This reminds me of three beautiful narrations from the Qur’an and Sunnah:

😘 1. The mannerisms of how the Prophet ﷺ would receive his daughter, Fatimah - and vice versa

Aisya narrated,

وَكَانَتْ إِذَا دَخَلَتْ عَلَى النَّبِيِّ صلى الله عليه وسلم قَامَ إِلَيْهَا فَقَبَّلَهَا وَأَجْلَسَهَا فِي مَجْلِسِهِ وَكَانَ النَّبِيُّ صلى الله عليه وسلم إِذَا دَخَلَ عَلَيْهَا قَامَتْ مِنْ مَجْلِسِهَا فَقَبَّلَتْهُ وَأَجْلَسَتْهُ فِي مَجْلِسِهَا

"Whenever she would enter upon the Prophet (ﷺ), he would stand to her and kiss her, and he would sit her in his sitting place.

Whenever the Prophet (ﷺ) entered upon her she would stand from her seat, and kiss him and sit him in her sitting place.” (Narrated by At-Tirmidzi and Al-Bukhari in Adab Al-Mufrad)

It’s so heartwarming to observe how much love, compassion and respect the Prophet used to receive his daughter. It is worth noting that at this point of time, Fatimah wasn’t a small child or a toddler. This narration is from Aisya based on her first hand observations. Which means that, at this point of time, the Prophet was well into his 60’s, and Fatimah was a well grown-up woman well into her 20s. Many of us, as we grow older we tend to be less enthusiastic or passionate in greeting our family members. Not our beloved Prophet ﷺ!

What is interesting here about Aisya’s observation here is that they used to do that to each other. The lesson? Lead by example. If we want our children to receive us joyfully, then we do that first!

👨‍👩‍👧‍👧 2. Imagine the feeling of joy when we unite with our believing families in Paradise!

وَالَّذِينَ آمَنُوا وَاتَّبَعَتْهُمْ ذُرِّيَّتُهُمْ بِإِيمَانٍ أَلْحَقْنَا بِهِمْ ذُرِّيَّتَهُمْ وَمَا أَلَتْنَاهُمْ مِنْ عَمَلِهِمْ مِنْ شَيْءٍ ۚ

“And those who believe and whose children & offspring follow them in Faith, to them shall We unite their children with them, and We shall not decrease the reward of their deeds in anything.” (Surah At-Tur 52:26)

In Surah Al-Inshiqaq, Allah describes the feeling of the believers on the Day of Judgment:

فَأَمَّا مَنْ أُوتِيَ كِتَابَهُ بِيَمِينِهِ ﴿٧﴾ فَسَوْفَ يُحَاسَبُ حِسَابًا يَسِيرًا ﴿٨﴾ وَيَنْقَلِبُ إِلَىٰ أَهْلِهِ مَسْرُورًا ﴿٩﴾

Then, as for him who will be given his Record in his right hand, he surely will receive an easy reckoning, and will return to his family in joy!” (84:7-9)

Imagine the happiness of reuniting with our families in Paradise - where we can finally enjoy each other’s company without worry, fear, sadness, or deadlines. In the comfort of Allah’s Paradise!

🕌 3. Allah’s feeling of joy when WE go to the masjid

Finally, a takeaway point for us to act upon every day, right now. The Prophet ﷺ said,

مَا تَوَطَّنَ رَجُلٌ مُسْلِمٌ الْمَسَاجِدَ لِلصَّلاَةِ وَالذِّكْرِ إِلاَّ تَبَشْبَشَ اللَّهُ لَهُ كَمَا يَتَبَشْبَشُ أَهْلُ الْغَائِبِ بِغَائِبِهِمْ إِذَا قَدِمَ عَلَيْهِمْ

“No Muslim regularly attends the mosques to perform prayers and dzikir of Allah, except that Allah feels happy with him, just as the family members of one who is absent feels happy when he returns to them.” (ibn Majah)

I find this hadith very uplifting to motivate us to go to the masjid! The Prophet here describes that, this feeling of joy that our family members feel, that’s how joyful Allah is when we go to the masjid every time. وَلِلَّـهِ الْمَثَلُ الْأَعْلَىٰ

And Who wouldn’t want a Lord who is Pleased with him?!

This feeling of happiness isn’t just a once-off. It happens every time we go to the masjid. For Subuh, Dzuhur, Asr, Maghrib ^ Isha. So we all have a chance to Please Our Rabb FIVE times every day!

May Allah make us amongst those whom He is pleased with, and May Allah grant us the ni’mah of meeting our family full of joy in His Paradise!