the BLAMING culture - put an end to it!

Muhammad (peace & blessings of God be upon him), said:

“If somebody finds fault, blames you, and makes you feel ashamed of any of your defects,

do not (retaliate &) make him feel ashamed of any of his defects (in return).”

(Abu Dawud)

Usually, when somebody points out one of our shortcomings, whether in meetings, e-mails, workshops, challenge sessions, or even in domestic arguments at home – when they mention our flaws & defects, our ‘normal defense mechanism’ instinctively kicks in - we go on the defensive and start finding faults with them in return!

But – Allah tells us – the worst thing we could do is to take that insult, wrap it up, and throw it in a fireball to someone else! And yet this is something very prevalent amongst us today!

Allah tells us the effects of practicing the blaming and ‘pointing finger’ culture:

"And whoever earns a fault or a sin and then throws it on to someone innocent, he has indeed burdened himself with falsehood and manifest evil”(An-Nisa 4:112)

As if this is not given enough warning & emphasis in the Qur’an, Prophet Muhammad also said "A believer is not a fault-finder and is not abusive, obscene, or course."(Al-Bukhari, book of manners #313)

Are we having this attribute of being a BELIEVER, o Muslims?

Yes, sometimes you are wrongly at fault, stabbed in the back, and it’s VERY TEMPTING to get back at the fella – especially if you think you’re better than him/her

But you know what, O believers? Think twice before you lash out your tongue – he/she might be BETTER than you after all:

“O you who believe!

Let not some men among you laugh (& look down upon) others; it may be that they are better than them (the ones laughing);

nor let some women laugh (& look down upon) at others: it may be that that they are better (than the ones laughing)

do not defame another, or insult one another by bad nicknames

how evil is it, to insult one’s brother after having Faith

And whosoever does not repent, then such indeed are the Zalimun (the oppressors)”

(Al-Hujarat 49:11)

So the advice of our beloved Prophet in the hadith above - i.e. "do not retaliate humiliation against others" (abu dawud) - is that we should listen quietly and evaluate what we are being told:

- If this criticism is true, and there is something we can improve about ourselves, it is only to our own advantage to listen to it & heed – Alhamdulillah!

- If the criticism is unjustified, then we are rewarded for our patience and good behaviour in not retaliating. The angels (mala’ikah) will take care of defending our honour.

Yes, when he/she insults you– your ego get challenged, your honour takes a minor blow – patience will feel very painful. But you know what? Be certain, that Allah KNOWS what you’ve gone through – and He will reward you for that patience!

Prophet Muhammad (pbuh) said, “Never a believer is stricken with a discomfort, an illness, an anxiety, a grief or mental worry or even the pricking of a thorn, except that Allah will (of a surety) forgive (some of) his sins on account of his patience” (Al-Bukhari, Muslim)

.. and Allah will NEVER allow a single moment of your patience to go unrewarded & unwritten!

“And each person willl be paid in full of what he did; and He (Allah) is Best Aware of what they do.” (Az-Zumar 39:70)

A Muslim takes every available opportunity to benefit from everything – no matter what the circumstances are!

And this invincible mindset is perfectly described by the Prophet (peace be upon him):

“Amazing are the ways of a believer – there is good in every affair of his, and this is not the case with anyone else except for a believer. For if something good happens to him, he is thankful (to Allah), and thus there is good for him in it, and if a trial or difficulty befalls him, he is patient (in enduring the trial), and in that too, there is good for him” (Sahih Muslim)

Do we have what it takes to have these traits of a Believer, O brothers and sisters?

Let us all play our part to learn from & implement the ways of the Prophet as taught in the Qur’an and the Sunnah of the Prophet – and by Allah, if we do - of a surety, there will be a positive change in the society today

Allah knows best - may He make us steadfast upon patience and gratitude

- Why Islam? Why not!