Fifty Characteristics of Great Leadership

Throughout my 8+ years’ experience in PETRONAS, I have served under several different leaders and learnt a great deal on different leadership styles. While 8 years is certainly not a long time compared with many other veterans in the industry, it is enough to witness and learn vastly different approaches to leadership and management, and filter out the diamonds in the rough.

The following is a list of fifty (50) characteristics and traits which I feel constitute to excellent leadership. These characteristics are ones I observed throughout the years from individuals in both the corporate world, voluntary organizations, and even family members: whether it is through positive reinforcement of these traits, or recognizing lack thereof.

While this list certainly isn’t exhaustive, these are some of the more significant traits and hence, what I regard as the benchmark of Leadership Excellence, which I myself aspire to achieve and inculcate within myself, and wish to share.

1. Have a long-term vision and mission to achieve, being able to translate team's targets to fit the "bigger picture"

2. .. By setting clear expectations and goals, own subordinate's targets to drive team performance to meet this vision

3. .. But do not micromanage and meddle with all the nitty-gritty and details which are the responsibilities of the subordinate(s). Once objectives and goals are transparent to both sides, Empower subordinates enough to make decisions and learn from mistakes.

4. .. But at the same time, do not 'tai-chi' obligations, i.e. simply delegation without caring about how it is done or how competent they are. Provide solutions for them to move forward and provide adequate amount of support

5. Is not afraid and very much willing to get hands dirty to get on the field to get things done if necessary

6. When encouraging/preaching/inculcating positive traits amongst team, leads by example first, only then tells others to do it - walk then talk. Demonstrate that you are not just sitting on your ivory tower shooting down on the subjects below

7. Methodically and strategically plan out work tasks, planning and mapping out possible contingency plans in the event of unforeseen circumstances

8. Builds Strong and Meaningful Relationships - Takes extra effort to know staff/colleagues on a personal level to increase empathy, tact and wisdom in dealing with different types of personalities and behaviors. Utilizes opportunities to create informal environments and conversations to disarm people and earn/nurture trust (e.g. before meetings, during breaks) amongst colleagues and subordinates

9. Leader himself/herself is religious, and wishes of others to be religious: this indirectly demonstrates commitment to self-integrity on a personal level if one ever aspires to lead others.

10. Is Passionate in one’s goals and objectives; enthusiastic and driven to succeed and exceed expectations and does not treat tasks as “just a job” or “as long as its done”.

11. Rational thinking at all times; do not act on emotions, and do not allow subordinates to witness self during emotional outburst : especially that of anger and disappointment

12. Takes serious ownership and accountability in all tasks, including – or rather, ESPECIALLY – those which are delegated to others. Provide adequate support, and take concern on progress/challenges/milestone achievements of team, even when not physical present.

13. Does not blame or reproach others for failures, or look for scapegoats to divert the blame – takes accountability over results. Has the strength of character to let go of ego and admit mistakes and faults; then move on instead of dwelling back and forth.

14. Pays additional attention to Quality in the details – committing to delivering the Best, not “just” deliver to meet deadlines or “just as long as we can give the management”

15. Regularly engages team to reach out, communicate, obtain feedback, and to realign vision as a team

16. Firm but kind - pushes the team to outperform beyond their comfort zone, whilst at the same time empathizing and being tolerant of genuine mistakes and personal issues

17. Is approachable and easy to communicate with

18. Listens better than he/she speaks – humility and patience to listen attentively even when being educated on a subject matter which is already known.

19. Consults others for advice, including subordinates, thus demonstrates sincerity and willingness to improve

20. Courage to voice out disagreements and non-conformances for the benefit of the team/organization

21. Stands by principles and is not just willing to be a ‘yes man’ and hover in one’s comfort zone to be free from criticism

22. Emphasizes importance of communication and ensures that all levels receive required information, instruction and decisions accordingly – and ensures all right parties are well-informed, especially when cascading crucial information from upper management.

23. Comes to well prepared to meetings and discussions, review pre-reads, inquire relevant parties beforehand, make appropriate pre-meeting works beforehand

24. Keeps track of all major issues and tasks; prioritizes priorities in the right place - proactive about inquiring progress, intervening where necessary, and re-distributing work load to ensure tasks are still executed in timely manner

25. Takes pride and honors the team performance as a single entity, and not just self-glory - is keen to prefer subordinates/team to get the credit instead of oneself;

26. Once agrees with subordinate decision, stays firm with it and sticks to it; does not cop out from team's decision regardless of criticism or pressure

27. Never reproaches or humiliates own team / subordinates in front of others – especially other bosses and departments

28. Recognizes potential in others – especially younger and newer subordinates, and attempts to bring out the best out of them; does not waste opportunities to allow them to flourish. Attempts to ‘awaken’ hidden talents within team members – offer new opportunities for growth and coaching towards the goal Also pays a keen and watchful eye of their strengths and weaknesses in earnest attempts to continue developing them.

29. Considers competency development to be a priority – finds resources to ensure staff develops adequately. Is genuinely keen in developing subordinates, go extra mile and be proactive in ensuring adequate competency requirements are addressed by all available means

30. (Depending on competency levels) Himself/herself takes the trouble to teach and coach others – or at least take the effort to find the resources to ensure competency levels taught

31. Self-aware and acknowledges one's own shortcomings to improve upon – willingly accepts feedback and criticism for improvement and demonstrates sincere effort to implement feedback. Tactfully chooses the right time and place to give and seek feedback – either in groups or privately as individuals.

32. Always developing and learning new things, expanding knowledge base – lead by example in terms of ‘always learning’ and putting priority in competency development.

33. Has experience on work on the ground before and hence can empathize with the expectation to set goals which are realistic and at the same time pushing the envelope

34. Does not set ridiculous deadlines (e.g. “I want it yesterday”) – and if the need arises to get something done extra urgently, takes extra effort to assist the work on the ground to get it done

35. Gives appropriate acknowledgement and recognition where it is due; as a tool for reinforcement of positive achievements, and at the same time inspire others to achieve the same or better

36. Treat everyone with equal level of respect, even if that person is your subordinate or more junior than you : do not discriminate respect with others (i.e. "suck up" to boss, but disrespectful to young guys or the cleaners)

37. Is tactful and empathetic in conversations – be sensitive to words being used; minimize (i.e. never) use words which insinuate blame or criticizing others in a way that humiliates them; use public feedback only when there is an absolute benefit to it, without the expense of their honor (i.e. anonymously). Refrain from Negative speech and insults - Does not speak foul language, humiliate or mock/speak ill of others, including other bosses, other departments, and especially close colleagues : retains trust amongst working circles

38. Honors and respects agreements - delivering one's own side as per promise. This includes punctuality. Communicating transparently with the right stakeholders if face challenges in meeting agreement/deadlines.

39. Proactive: Does not only focus on tasks which are being assigned (“reactive”), and does not just conform to the "norm" of the "current cultures" and/or "practices" - is sharp and alert at all the areas for improvement and conscience is clear on non-conformances and what is “not supposed to be the way”.

40. Time management – punctuality, emphasizes efficiency in meetings, maps out specific tasks to be dealt with within a certain allotted time frames.

41. Prompt and quick response on approving/rejecting formal requests with regards to administrative issues (e.g. leave request and claims) Does not delay approvals/rejections. A bad answer is better than no answer.

42. Getting involved in conversations and not getting distracted in one’s own world during meetings and discussions – i.e. browsing smart phone, having side conversations, checking e-mail

43. Able to inculcate team work and integrate team members to synergize and work well together – attempts to incite participation from all team members who seem to be zoned out, attempt to get from the team more than “the sum of its parts”

44. Be articulate in speech – or at least, make deliberate attempts to improve articulation in speech. This builds respect

45. Organizes meetings in efficient manner – specifies and maps out the meeting objectives, agenda, and required quorum, specified expectations to quorum, provides additional reading material/previous MOM if required, ensures discussions are on-point and no time wasted.

46. Respects people’s professional and personal time when organizing meetings/discussions by at least informing them a reasonable amount of time in advance (e.g. one week before) unless dire cases of emergency or ad-hoc requirements – No such thing as “can you come to meeting now?”

47. Segregates professional and personal issues – examples: may have arguments in meeting and have casual friendly lunch later; does not judge in favour of one whom he/she likes as a person; does not discriminate professional viewpoints of one he/she personally dislikes.

48. Empathy - Capability to ‘put self in others shoes’ and appreciate/empathize opinions of others from their perspective and where they are coming from, even if those opinions are incorrect, less accurate, or disagreed upon.

49. Carries self with a respectable and honourable demeanour – does not do foolish things which can tarnish self-image or make one look silly (e.g. excessive joking, emotional outbursts, negative talks/badmouth others, making nonsense remarks in meetings)

50. Humility – does not consider oneself “above” or “better than” others, does not fall into the trappings of arrogance or looking down on others.

Gunalah Media Sosial Dengan Bijaksana

Alhamdulillah – media sosial sangat mudah untuk berkomunikasi kepada orang ramai dalam masa yang singkat dan cara yang mudah.

Pada masa yang sama, media sosial terhad dalam kita tidak mengenali nada suara, tonasi percakapan, emosi atau paras rupa – jadi sangat besar ruang untuk salah faham, kalau kita tidak berhati-hati.

Jadi janganlah guna media sosial untuk sindir, perli, mengutuk atau kritik lain-lain atas platform umum – sama ada atas isu agama, politik, organisasi atau peribadi. Dan tahanlah diri daripada menggunakan media sosial untuk meluahkan perasaan dalam saat-saat emosi: terutama sekali apabila marah.

Boleh jadi, disebabkan perkataan anda yang kecil, paling sedikit pun, boleh menyebabkan yang lain terasa, tersinggung, marah, sentap, “left group” – paling teruk, boleh mencetuskan pergaduhan, menimbulkan fitnah, membatu api-kan antara pihak lain.

Kalau anda ada taraf yang tinggi di khayalak masyarakat – anda seorang ustaz, seorang pemimpin, ramai follower, dan sebagainya – lebih tinggi, lebih dahsyat dan lebih besar impak dia.

Sebab itulah firman Allah kepada orang-orang beriman – janganlah buka ruangan pintu untuk shaytan menghasut :

وَقُلْ لِعِبَادِي يَقُولُوا الَّتِي هِيَ أَحْسَنُ ۚ إِنَّ الشَّيْطَانَ يَنْزَغُ بَيْنَهُمْ ۚ إِنَّ الشَّيْطَانَ كَانَ لِلْإِنْسَانِ عَدُوًّا مُبِينًا

“Katakanlah kepada hamba-hamba-Ku, untuk mengucapkan kata-kata yang terbaik; (kerana) sesungguhnya, Shaytan itu (sentiasa) menimbulkan perselisihan (membatu apikan) di antara mereka.

Sesungguhnya syaitan itu adalah musuh yang nyata bagi manusia” (Surah Al-Isra, ayat 53)

Kalau ada perkara nak tegur, buat secara peribadi dahulu. Kecualilah kalau fitnah yang berleluasa – itu pun, buatlah dengan rasional dan bijaksana, dan serahkan kepada ahlinya di mana patut – bukan tembak sebarang. Kita koboi ke mukmin?

Adapun orang-orang mukmin, metodologi mereka :

وَمَنْ كَانَ يُؤْمِنُ بِاللَّهِ وَالْيَوْمِ الآخِرِ فَلْيَقُلْ خَيْرًا أَوْ لِيَصْمُتْ

“Dan barangsiapa yang beriman kepada Allah dah Hari Akhir, maka hendaklah ia berkata baik, atau diam sahaja!” (HR Al-Bukhari dan Muslim)

Kawallah emosi kita – semua amalan kita akan disoal.

Saya ingatkan diri saya dan diri sahabat-sahabat sekalian – terutama sekali mereka yang berniat ikhlas menggunakan media sosial untuk kebaikan dan tujuan agama :

IttaqUllah! Tanyalah diri sendiri – Adakah dunia media sosial ini bertambah lebih baik atau lebih mudharat dengan kehadiran kita? Apa matlamat kita menggunakan media sosial.. adakah untuk menyebarkan kebaikan atau menyebarkan fitnah dan huru-hara?

Boleh jadi kata-kata kita yang ringkas di media sosial – walaupun sekadar tekan-tekan jari di skrin – boleh memberi inspirasi kepada orang untuk berubah kepada kebenaran, dan anda menjadi agen untuk hidayah Allah; tetapi boleh jadi juga kata-kata kita boleh menyebabkan perpecahan, dan – tahniah – anda secara tidak langsung menjadi agen untuk shaytan. Renungkan kata-kata Rasulullah ﷺ :

إِنَّ الْعَبْدَ لَيَتَكَلَّمُ بِالْكَلِمَةِ مِنْ رِضْوَانِ اللَّهِ لاَ يُلْقِي لَهَا بَالاً، يَرْفَعُ اللَّهُ بِهَا دَرَجَاتٍ

Sesungguhnya, seorang hamba itu mungkin bertutur sesuatu perkataan yang disukai Allah, tanpa dia menganggapnya sebagai sesuatu yang berat/penting, tetapi disebabkan perkataan itu, Allah menaikkannya dengan beberapa darjat (kehormatannya di sisi-Nya, atau darjat di Syurga)

وَإِنَّ الْعَبْدَ لَيَتَكَلَّمُ بِالْكَلِمَةِ مِنْ سَخَطِ اللَّهِ لاَ يُلْقِي لَهَا بَالاً يَهْوِي بِهَا فِي جَهَنَّمَ

“Dan sesungguhnya, seorang hamba itu bertutur sesuatu perkataan yang mendatangkan kemurkaan Allah, tanpa mengiranya sebagai sesuatu yang berat, tetapi akan dihumban ke dalam neraka jahannam disebabkan kata-kata tersebut” (HR Al-Bukhari dan Muslim)

Lelaki tidak suka belajar Tajwid?

Baru-baru ini, isteri saya mengajak beberapa kenalan dan ahli keluarganya turut serta dalam satu kursus Tajwid berguru intensif, yang khusus untuk perempuan sahaja.

Selepas beberapa minggu dalam kursus tersebut, beliau bertanya kepada maklumbalas mereka, bagaimana? OK tak kelas Tajwid?

Kesemuanya memberi maklumbalas yang amat positif - "Best!" - dan bila ditanya seorang demi seorang, "Kenapa?" atau "Apa yang best?" Mereka semua menjawab :  sebab ustazah banyak tegur, sangat terperinci, selalu cari kesalahan, tahulah kelemahan untuk perbaiki tajwid.  

Ajib! Mereka sangat seronok bila ditegur dan ditunjuk kesalahan - dan masha Allah, mudah-mudahan ini satu petanda tentang keikhlasan dalam menuntut ilmu, mengislahkan amal dan memperbaiki diri.

.. Tetapi malang sekali, hal ini sangat berbeza dengan ramai lelaki.

Daripada pengalaman kami, ramai lelaki yang cuba mengelak daripada tadarus/bacaan Qur'an dan diperbetulkan tajwid, terutama sekali di hadapan orang lain dalam persekitaran kelas. Bila di perbetulkan sedikit, sentap.

Malah, kadangkala jika ada majlis ilmu/halaqah/usrah yang ada padanya tadarus/bacaan Qur'an, mereka akan mengelak terus daripada hadir kerana 'malu' atau terasa bila ditegur, akhir sekali rugi terus ilmu.

Ada juga yang terus-terang beritahu saya dan sahabat lain secara peribadi, mereka memang tak nak hadir kerana adanya sesi tadarus Qur'an, tidak suka diperbetulkan depan orang ramai.

.. amat berbeza dengan para akhawat dan wanita tadi yang ‘seronok’ bila berjumpa dengan guru-guru tajwid yang sangat banyak perbetulkan bacaan mereka!

Di sini wahai kaum Adam, saudara-saudara sekalian, saya nak kongsikan sedikit nasihat dan teguran.

Ya, tidak dinafikan, pembetulan secara peribadi adalah lebih baik dan efektif, tetapi Pembetulan tajwid tetap pembetulan tajwid, tetap penambahbaikan dalam ilmu Qur'an. 

Cuma bezanya persepsi kita : bila ditegur depan orang ramai mungkin orang lelaki mudah terasa malu, ego terguris atau tercabar, atau ditakuti atau ‘fobia’ seolah-olah orang lain memandang serong terhadapnya kerana kekurangan upayanya membaca al-Qur’an. 

Wahai saudara sekalian – kuatkanlah jati diri dan azam untuk ikhlas dalam menuntut ilmu, dan membuang ego daripada usaha kita dalam Al-Qur’an. Jangan beri ruangan terhadap syaitan untuk memberi ‘alasan’ kita malas/meninggalkan Qur’an. 

Semua orang bermula buta huruf – tiada orang di dunia ini yang lahir-lahir, terus mahir.

Cuma sesetengah orang diberi didikan awal oleh ibu bapanya atau persekitaran Pendidikan awal yang kondusif, dan - Alhamdulillah – dia mudah membaca bila dewasa.

Kalau kita tidak diberi kesempatan ini semasa kecil, usahlah rasa malu, mulakan sahaja sekarang! 

Bahkan bagi seorang mukmin, perasaan malu itulah yang sepatutnya mendorong kita lebih berazam untuk mantapkan lagi tajwid. 

Tiada siapa yang akan memandang rendah atau serong terhadap anda kalau anda lakukan kesilapan – kalau ada pun, maka yang memandang rendah itu lah yang bersalah di sisi Allah – bahkan mungkin itulah sikap Takabbur yang amat dilarang oleh Nabi, sehingga seseorang yang mempunyai sifat ini walaupun sebesar satu zarah tidak akan masuk syurga. 

Wahai saudara-saudara sekalian, minima 17 kali dalam satu hari – setiap hari – kita meminta kepada Allah dalam surah al-Fatihah :

اهْدِنَا الصِّرَاطَ الْمُسْتَقِيمَ

“Tunjukkanlah kepada kami Jalan yang Lurus!”

17 kali Kita meminta-minta hidayah daripada Allah. Dan untuk mendapat petunjuk bagaimana untuk perbetulkan bacaan kitab-Nya adalah satu jenis petunjuk yang Allah berikan melalui hamba-Nya yang lain. 

Kalaulah kita sengaja mengelak daripadanya kerana ego, boleh jadi secara tidak langsung, dengan perbuatan kita, kita menolak hidayah Allah. 

Wahai sahabat-sahabat sekalian, Rasulullah ﷺ bersabda, 

 مَثَلُ الَّذِي يَقْرَأُ الْقُرْآنَ وَهْوَ حَافِظٌ لَهُ مَعَ السَّفَرَةِ الْكِرَامِ الْبَرَرَةِ

“Mereka yang mahir dalam membaca al-Qur’an – akan dihimpunkan bersama as-safaratul Kiram (pengutus mulia di sisi Allah – para malaikat);

وَمَثَلُ الَّذِي يَقْرَأُ الْقُرْآنَ وَهْوَ يَتَعَاهَدُهُ وَهْوَ عَلَيْهِ شَدِيدٌ، فَلَهُ أَجْرَانِ 

Dan yang membaca dengan susah payah itu, akan diberikan ganjaran dua kali ganda” (HR Al-Bukhari)

Di sini Nabi memberi motivasi kepada kita untuk sentiasa usaha dan tidak berputus asa.

Bayangkan, wahai saudara sekalian – jika anda berusaha dalam bersusah payah bacaan tajwid, akan diberikan ganjaran dua kali ganda.

Soalan : Wujudkah pekerjaan di dunia ni, bila kita baru nak mula, masih terkapai-kapai, slow dan banyak silap, majikan akan bayar gaji dua kali ganda - hanya atas dasar usaha gigih?!

Tidak.. Ganjaran ini semua Hanya daripada rahmat Allah الرحمن الرحيم - tapi mungkin kita yang berpaling, dan kita kurang hargai. 

Mungkin ada yang tidak bersetuju dengan saya meng-umum-kan statistik jantina sebegini, i.e. "Gender stereotyping" - kerana saya yakin, mungkin statistik saya kurang tepat, dan memang tidak dinafikan ada sahaja lelaki yang masha Allah sangat suka ditegur dan gigih berusaha dalam penambahbaikan, ataupun sebaliknya mungkin ada juga perempuan yang bersikap ego dan tidak suka ditegur. 

Tetapi saya sengaja nak lebihkan sedikit tegur penekanan kepada lelaki, kerana saya sendiri adalah lelaki dan saya rasa wajar nak tegur geng saya sendiri sebagai satu “wake up call” bila statistik dah menunjukkan trending yang kurang sihat ini. Juga kepada lelaki selaku golongan pemimpin dan ketua keluarga yang perlu sentiasa amalkan contoh terbaik. Dan mungkin juga sebab kadang-kadang kaum lelaki tertidur ketika pesanan dan nasihat penting ketika khutbah Jumaat. Yalah kan, penat.

Ala kulli hal mesej ini adalah satu peringatan kepada diri saya dan juga kepada antum semua – teruskanlah dan tingkatkanlah lagi – usaha dalam memahirkan diri, menguasai tajwid, memahami, dan menghafal al-Qur’an – dan jadilah sebaik-baik manusia seperti yang dikhabarkan Nabi ﷺ :

خَيْرُكُمْ مَنْ تَعَلَّمَ الْقُرْآنَ وَعَلَّمَهُ 

“Yang terbaik daripada kamu adalah mereka yang belajar Al-Qur’an dan mengajarkannya (kepada yang lain)” (HR Al-Bukhari dan Muslim)

The “Kunya” : a practical solution for decreasing the “Power Distance”

Malaysians typically have a culture with Very High “power distance” – studies have shown we have one of the highest Power Distance Indexes (PDIs) in the world, indicating we collectively are a society that readily conforms to hierarchy and "accept and expect that power is distributed unequally", and hence have strong tendencies of autocratic and hierarchical methods of leadership.

This is very evident from the fact that we give a lot of weight to ranks and positions in society : Dato, Tan Sri, Tun, Tuan Haji, YB, YAB, DYMM, Dr., Prof, Sir, etc. : remnants from our old civilization.

As a result, those with ‘lower’ ranks have tendency to feel inferior, and vice versa – to the extent some people get offended when you do not address them accordingly.

Sometimes we deal with unnecessary stress having a hard time figuring out how or what to address people – event MC’s, I feel your pain.

A very practical solution to resolve this, taught to us over 1400 years ago : is simply to call people by their “kunya”.

In the Sunnah of the Prophet Muhammad ﷺ, the only ‘title’ that is confirmed is the usage of “kunya” : in which people give themselves or others a name with Abu (father of) so-and-so; or Umm (mother of) so-and-so. This is also used by some cultures across the world.

Calling others by Abu, “Father of” or "Mother of" so-and-so to someone – instead of their first name – is indirectly a gesture of respect and honor, indirectly signaling seniority/custodianship/authority/leadership over others, without going overboard in giving undue credit. It is a ‘title’ that we can assign to people of all ages, with no discrimination on race, wealth, or rank in society.

If we don’t know a person’s official kunya, just assign them by the name of their son/daughter. Khalas. Easy : don’t have to think – eh, is he Dato, do I spell is it Dato’ or Datuk, has he done hajj, has he completed his PhD, is he royalty, etc.

If the person doesn’t have children, ask them what is their kunya. If they don’t have one, assign one (with their permission if you want to be extra polite) – this is a confirmed sunnah.

Typically people assign kunya by the names of the firstborn child, just as Prophet Muhammad ﷺ was called Abu Al-Qasim (Father of Al-Qasim) or as Ali ibn Abi Talib was called Abul-Hassan (Father of Hassan), but this isn’t necessarily the case.

Sometimes it is assigned by others as a ‘nickname’ to indicate how attached a person is towards something – such as Abu Bakr (whose name was actually Abdullah ibn Abi Quhafah), but was given the name Abu Bakr (owner of the active young camel) because he used to love camels and play with them. Similarly with another very famous companion – one of the main narrators of hadith – whose name is Abdur Rahman ibn Sakhr : he used to love playing cats, and it was narrated he used to hide kittens in the sleeve of his clothes. So he was given the name “Abu Hurairah” (father of the female kitten) : which he is known by until this very day.

In fact in the sunnah of the Prophet, he would even assign little chilren with a kunya as a sign of respect and motivation. Anas ibn Malik narrated about his younger brother who was newly weaned (~2 years old): who used to play with his sparrow. But one day, the sparrow died – so the Prophet would go to him and say the famous words,

“يَا أَبَا عُمَيْرٍ مَا فَعَلَ النُّغَيْرُ”

“O Abu Umair (father of Umair), what has happened to the little sparrow?” (Narrated by Al-Bukhari and Muslim)

The Prophet didn’t call him ‘little boy’, or even ‘young man’. So imagine the feeling of a young boy who is called “Father of Umair” by your Shaikh and Leader of your country.

Or if anything, you can choose any name you want. The Great scholar Nu’man ibn Thabit was called “Abu Hanifah” – not because he had a child by the name of Hanifah or was he attributed with anything to do with the literal meaning of Hanifah : he simply liked the name.

Let’s start implementing this sunnah and break the Power Distance.

What if we pray istikharah and things do not turn out the way we intended?

Recently, we made a decision which – at the time, we thought – was definitely the “right” choice, and the right thing . As the weeks went past by, circumstances occurred which made the decision increasingly difficult, and other external factors which made it seem more and more remote to ever happening – until eventually, it was impossible and was clear to us, that it was not meant to be *.

We were initially confused at the situation and even a little bit upset – as we thought it was a good decision for sure.

Until we remembered, that we made the prayer of Istikharah (seeking Counsel from Allah) regarding this decision. And then I am reminded of the words that we utter in that prayer :

وَإِنْ كُنْتَ تَعْلَمُ أَنَّ هَذَا الأَمْرَ شَرٌّ لِي فِي دِينِي وَمَعَاشِي وَعَاقِبَةِ أَمْرِي

“Oh Allah! If You know that this matter is not good to me In my religion and my life and in the Hereafter-

فَاصْرِفْهُ عَنِّي وَاصْرِفْنِي عَنْهُ، وَاقْدُرْ لِي الْخَيْرَ حَيْثُ كَانَ ثُمَّ أَرْضِنِي بِهِ

Then keep it away from me and let me be away from it. And ordain for me whatever is good for me, And make me satisfied with it).” (Narrated by Al-Bukhari)

And it was then I learnt a valuable lesson – If, after our best efforts, all has failed, then He Willed for it to happen, within His Wisdom of Knowing what is Best for us. We may not see the wisdom yet, or perhaps we will never know – but our test as believers is to gauge our faith, on how much tawakkul (trust) we have in the Wisdom and Knowledge of Allah, if we are consistent with what we ask for in the prayer of istikharah.

Often times people make statements such as "I have prayed istikharah but nothing happened" - this is an indication of our lack of understanding on what the purpose of istikharah is.

Istikharah is about inquiring from the wisdom of Allah and asking Him to Facilitate our Affairs to what is Best. Sometimes what we perceive as something “good”, may in fact – in the big picture which we do not yet see – NOT be something good for us, in ways only Known to Allah. After all,

وَعَسَىٰ أَنْ تَكْرَهُوا شَيْئًا وَهُوَ خَيْرٌ لَكُمْ ۖ وَعَسَىٰ أَنْ تُحِبُّوا شَيْئًا وَهُوَ شَرٌّ لَكُمْ ۗ وَاللَّـهُ يَعْلَمُ وَأَنْتُمْ لَا تَعْلَمُونَ

“And perhaps, you may hate something, but it is in fact good for you

And perhaps, you may love something, but it is in fact bad for you

Allah Knows but you do not know” (Surah Al-Baqarah 2:216)

We need to remind ourselves that Allah is in Control of All affairs. If He can Will for a single man who was rejected by his own people for 13 years, eventually become the ruler of Arabia and become the most influential man in history (Muhammad ﷺ); and if He can foil the plots and plans of the most powerful tyrants in the world (Firawn) within the blink of an eye – then what is our request in comparison?

If anything, these incidents is also a deep lesson that we should perform istikharah for more of our actions – even the particularly ‘small’ and/or ‘unremarkable’ ones.

Allah can Make it Happen, or He can Withhold it : what we WANT is that whatever happens is the BEST outcome for us.

So Put our Trust in Allah - the Most Powerful, Most Merciful, All-Wise!

*No, it’s not marriage. Come on guys