Among one of the conscious decisions we made as a parent was to allow and encourage our baby Muawiyah to grow up playing with pets: and our pets of choice was cats.
The reasons I deliberately chose this are twofold: personal reason and parenting reasons.
Personal: Not gonna lie, I have always loved cats. But at the same time, my childhood was kind of deprived of it because we grew up living an apartment most of my childhood and regulations prohibiting to keep cats. But I really enjoyed playing with cats at my cousins’ place when we would visit them growing up, and when my wife and I finally had the opportunity to rent landed property in Miri, we finally had the chance in 2015 when a cute little stray kitten suddenly arrived at our doorstep. We’ve been keeping a few cats since then and our lives have been so much more fun with them around.
Initially we had a lot of concerns on hygiene and health of cats’ interaction with babies, and therefore just before baby Muawiyah was born, our first course of action was to move our kittens to live outside of the house (with a heavy heart 😥).
After doing some research, we started gradually allowing more interaction, starting with short and quick play times when he was about 8 months old and strict handwashing rules post-playtime. By the time he was 1 year old, he and our 2-year old cat Talhah had become best friends. Well, sort of.
Parenting goals: In extracting practical life lessons from the sirah of the Prophet Muhammad ﷺ, the intent behind enabling opportunities to take care of pets is to develop his EQ (emotional quotient) – in the aspects of Mercy and Kindness, as well as developing restraint.
The Prophet ﷺ said,
عَنْ أَبِي هُرَيْرَةَ ـ رضى الله عنه ـ عَنِ النَّبِيِّ صلى الله عليه وسلم قَالَ " مَا بَعَثَ اللَّهُ نَبِيًّا إِلاَّ رَعَى الْغَنَمَ ". فَقَالَ أَصْحَابُهُ وَأَنْتَ فَقَالَ " نَعَمْ كُنْتُ أَرْعَاهَا عَلَى قَرَارِيطَ لأَهْلِ مَكَّةَ ".
"Allah did not send any prophet, except that they had become shepherds of sheep." His companions asked him, "Did you do the same?"
The Prophet (ﷺ) replied, "Yes, I used to shepherd the sheep of the people of Mecca for some Qirats (as payment)"
(Narrated by Al-Bukhari)
Why shepherd of sheep? Every single prophet: What is the significance?
I remember attending a course and listening to several lectures regarding this specific topics, and there were many wisdoms behind why Allah chose this specific career choice for his Prophets, and how this contributed into shaping and developing his competency and personality into the role that Allah had destined for them: and in the context of Prophet Muhammad: a leader, teacher, mentor, mufti, parent, and friend.
There were at least 15 major lessons – some specific to sheep instead of shepherding other animals – but in the context of today’s modern city life, several of those points of benefits can also be obtained by simply training your children with taking care of pets (and in our context, cats). But here we wanted to focus on two:
1. To Develop a Sense of Mercy and Responsibility.
Sheep are actually very fragile and soft creatures. They aren’t argumentative, comparatively may not be as intelligent as other animals such as camels or horses, and because of their shorter stature being unable to see long distances, they are not very effective in defending themselves from harm. Also, the job of the shepherd – taking the “amanah” (trust) of caring for sheep which do not belong to them – indirectly instills a sense of responsibility to get the job done effectively: if a sheep dies on the shepherd’s watch, the shepherd can’t simply blame the sheep’s stubbornness or shortage of intelligence.
These characteristics indirectly “shape” the personality of the shepherd to be caring and loving towards these furry fellas, in contrast to camel herders who tend to be rougher in nature to keep up with the more typically arrogant personality of the camel.
Cats also harbor similar characteristics in this regard. Despite being domesticated with human civilizations for centuries, cats also require a lot of tender love and care, especially being prone to diseases, imminent harm and high mortality rates in urban environments. So this is where we found a potential opportunity (though perhaps to a lesser extent) to inculcate these characteristics.
Having “Love” isn’t just an absolute quotient, i.e. “either you have it or don’t have it”. If one thinks of EQ like IQ (intelligence quotient) – something that can be developed – then in the same way, you can definitely develop mercy.
Prophet Muhammad (ﷺ) said:
الرَّاحِمُونَ يَرْحَمُهُمُ الرَّحْمَنُ ارْحَمُوا أَهْلَ الأَرْضِ يَرْحَمْكُمْ مَنْ فِي السَّمَاءِ
"Those who are Merciful and Compassionate: Ar-Rahman (The Most Compassionate One) will have mercy on them.
Show mercy to the inhabitants of the earth, He Who is in the heaven will show mercy to you."
(Narrated by Abu Daud, graded Sahih by Al-Albani)
One of the big parenting concerns about raising children in this gadget age of 21st century, is how can we actively play a role to develop their EQ to be effective communicators, leaders, or functional contributing members of society when they grow up. At the core of every good, empathetic, and kind heart is sincerity, and the driver being is love/mercy.
When we teach our children to take care of pets, we can teach him/her to learn that these creatures can be helpless without us, and therefore instill a sense of responsibility, a benefit which you do not get with gadgets and video games. And look, I'm not picking on gamers or gadget heads here, in fact I speak from my own personal experience: I myself was an avid video gamer growing up.
Now, unlike video games – where you can recklessly trial and error or even inflict virtual harm without any real consequences – in the case of handling living creatures, if you fail to take care of them or you treat them badly and reach "Game Over", there will be tangible harmful consequences than a mere title screen and "restart at latest checkpoint".
But if you do well, and they live happily, you can take pride knowing that you played a part towards improving the life of other creatures of Allah. How about that 😁.
Perhaps, as Muawiyah grows older and if we still have the opportunity to have cats around the house, we may start to increase our child’s responsibilities of feeding, disposing their litter, and maybe even giving them a shower every once in a while.
2. Developing Restraint and Gentleness
As children (especially boys) grow up, they begin discovering their physical abilities, and so the lessons we wanted to teach him was to restrain himself: that just because you can physically overcome, defeat and bully them, doesn’t mean you “have to” do it. It is better to be kind and friendly towards them and be their “big bro companion”.
And we can see that as Muawiyah grew up playing with our cat Talhah and gradually developed his physical strengths and abilities, he started becoming more dominant towards the cat and sometimes found thrill in bullying him. Alhamdulillah Talhah doesn’t normally retaliate, but we did feel sorry for the poor fella as he gets bullied. But this is where we keep educating Muawiyah to “be gentle” and “be nice” with him, stroking him gently and tickling him softly to keep him happy.
But as they say, boys will be boys – and Muawiyah continued bullying his best friend. So we keep telling the same thing to Muawiyah, again and again. And again.
And this was a reminder to us too, that just as we wish to instill gentleness in him, we ourselves too need to be gentle and patient in educating him (as long as there is no imminent harm that can result from his behavior), bearing in mind at all times that parenting is all about "the long game", not quick gains.
Prophet Muhammad ﷺ said,
إِنَّ اللَّهَ رَفِيقٌ يُحِبُّ الرِّفْقَ وَيُعْطِي عَلَيْهِ مَا لاَ يُعْطِي عَلَى الْعُنْفِ
"Allah is gentle, He Loves gentleness,
and Gives for gentleness what he does not give for harshness."
(Narrated by Ibnu Majah and Abu Daud, graded Sahih by Al-Albani)
مَنْ أُعْطِيَ حَظَّهُ مِنَ الرِّفْقِ فَقَدْ أُعْطِيَ حَظَّهُ مِنَ الْخَيْرِ وَمَنْ حُرِمَ حَظَّهُ مِنَ الرِّفْقِ فَقَدْ حُرِمَ حَظَّهُ مِنَ الْخَيْرِ
"Whoever was given his share of gentleness, then he has been given a share of good. And whoever has been prevented from his share of gentleness, then he has been prevented from his share of good."
(Narrated by At-Tirmidhi)
In another Hadith, the Prophet ﷺ said to his wife A'isyah,
يَا عَائِشَةُ ارْفُقِي فَإِنَّ الرِّفْقَ لَمْ يَكُنْ فِي شَىْءٍ قَطُّ إِلاَّ زَانَهُ وَلاَ نُزِعَ مِنْ شَىْءٍ قَطُّ إِلاَّ شَانَهُ
"O Aisha.. Be gentle!
For if gentleness is found in anything, it beautifies it,
and when it is removed from anything it damages it."
(Narrated by Abu Daud, graded Sahih by Al-Albani)
Coming back to the point of communication, our words to a 1-year old boy may not seem to have much of an effect.
At first. As the months passed by, Muawiyah’s love for playing with cats started to be further ingrained into his personality, as he gets excited seeing any random cat at any masjid, restaurant, or public place we encounter (much to the discomfort of the mother). What we discovered was that interestingly, he is always gentle and careful in dealing with cats he is not familiar with, and he only shows his tough love to the cats that he knows at home.
Turns out, those repeated messages of gentleness did indeed get to him. He only bullies Talhah because he knows Talhah is his “friend” – in the same way that he bullies me and his mom – for fun. That was really his acknowledgement of being in his safe zone, that he can be comfortable enough to show his more active play side.
3. No small matter
It is worth noting that Islam places some serious emphasis towards the kind treatment of other creations of Allah, including animals.
In fact, to put it simply, treatment of animals can mean the difference between Heaven and Hell. Consider the following two authentic Hadith:
Prophet Muhammad ﷺ said:
بَيْنَمَا رَجُلٌ يَمْشِي بِطَرِيقٍ اشْتَدَّ عَلَيْهِ الْعَطَشُ، فَوَجَدَ بِئْرًا فَنَزَلَ فِيهَا فَشَرِبَ ثُمَّ خَرَجَ، فَإِذَا كَلْبٌ يَلْهَثُ يَأْكُلُ الثَّرَى مِنَ الْعَطَشِ فَقَالَ الرَّجُلُ لَقَدْ بَلَغَ هَذَا الْكَلْبَ مِنَ الْعَطَشِ مِثْلُ الَّذِي كَانَ بَلَغَ بِي، فَنَزَلَ الْبِئْرَ فَمَلأَ خُفَّهُ، ثُمَّ أَمْسَكَهُ بِفِيهِ، فَسَقَى الْكَلْبَ، فَشَكَرَ اللَّهُ لَهُ فَغَفَرَ لَهُ ". قَالُوا يَا رَسُولَ اللَّهِ وَإِنَّ لَنَا فِي الْبَهَائِمِ أَجْرًا. فَقَالَ " فِي كُلِّ ذَاتِ كَبِدٍ رَطْبَةٍ أَجْرٌ
"While a man was walking on a road. he became very thirsty. Then he came across a well, got down into it, drank (of its water) and then came out. Meanwhile he saw a dog panting and licking mud because of excessive thirst. The man said to himself "This dog is suffering from the same state of thirst as I did." So he went down the well (again) and filled his shoe (with water) and held it in his mouth and watered the dog. Allah thanked him for that deed and forgave him." The people asked, "O Allah's Messenger (ﷺ)! Is there a reward for us in serving the animals?" He said, "(Yes) There is a reward for serving any animate (living being) ."
(Narrated by Al-Bukhari and Muslim)
In another narration also narrated by Imam Al-Bukhari and Muslim, a prostitute from Bani Israel also did the same - and Allah appreciated her efforts so much that she was forgiven for that deed. Imagine here, that even a person of *that* profession, can be forgiven out of mercy and kindness to a dog.
And in another narration, he stated the opposite example. He ﷺ said:
دَخَلَتِ امْرَأَةٌ النَّارَ مِنْ جَرَّاءِ هِرَّةٍ لَهَا - أَوْ هِرٍّ - رَبَطَتْهَا فَلاَ هِيَ أَطْعَمَتْهَا وَلاَ هِيَ أَرْسَلَتْهَا تُرَمِّمُ مِنْ خَشَاشِ الأَرْضِ حَتَّى مَاتَتْ هَزْلاً
"A woman was thrown into Hell-Fire because of a cat whom she had tied (oppressively in captivity), and thus it could not eat, and she did not let it free so that it could devour the vermin of the earth, until (the cat) died."
(Narrated by Al-Bukhari and Muslim)
And so if we have a means to train and nurture these traits in the household, why not?
Plus, I get to satisfy the cat lover boi in me too, so why not?
Closing thoughts..
It’s too early to tell the results so far, but his personality has certainly developed a strong affinity and liking towards cats. At 2 years old, restraint isn’t an easy thing to teach, and so we are still on the learning curve towards this path. But we enjoy seeing him play with these little guys and we look forward to seeing how this will pan out in years to come, insha Allah..
May Allah grant continue to nurture mercy, gentleness, and maturity in Muawiyah, our youth and to the rest of the ummah.
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