Alhamdulillah - all Praises and Thanks to Allah - Who enabled for us to compete our Hajj when we were 31 years of age.
For many years I have been withholding a lot of these thoughts, as I wanted to keep them secret between us and Allah - and I feared I would fall into riyaa or arrogance (kibr).
Yet now, in hindsight, looking back 6 years later, reading up my personal journal entries and thoughts, these are things which I wish previous pilgrims (hujjaj) would have shared to inspire us. I would have loved for some personal advice and thoughts from "abang2 & kakak2" who were privileged with performing hajj early.
Here is my chance to BE that person.
In the spirit of naseehah and loving for others what I would love for myself, I decided to share these thoughts with the hopes that it can help others in the future. May Allah keep me sincere in my intentions and free from riyaa.
Without exaggeration or hesitation, our Hajj trip was the single best experience of our lives.
If there was one word I can use to describe Hajj, it would be: SATISFYING.
Satisfying in every, holistic sense of the word. And here are five thoughts that I would like to share why I chose that word:
1. Fulfilling our fifth pillar in Islam
Our Hajj journey actually started way back in 2012: when we signed up for a hajj package, but only received our Hajj visas at the last minute and hence didn’t make it to Makkah in time. In 2013 and 2014, we signed up but again didn’t get a chance. After three years of confronting disappointment and discouragement, it was only in 2015 (1436 AH) when, QaddarAllah, Allah had opened the way for us to perform our Hajj.
And I will never forget that immensely satisfying relief on the calm walk back to Makkah from Mina on the 13th of Dzulhijjah that year, as we completed the Hajj rituals:
We have just completed our fifth pillar in Islam. Life can finally START.
Rasululllah ﷺ said:
مَنْ حَجَّ لِلَّهِ فَلَمْ يَرْفُثْ وَلَمْ يَفْسُقْ رَجَعَ كَيَوْمِ وَلَدَتْهُ أُمُّهُ
“Whoever performs Hajj for Allah's pleasure and does not have sexual relations with his wife, and does not do evil or sins then he returns from Hajj as pure and free from sins as on the day on which his mother gave birth to him." (Al-Bukhari)
I remember listening to a lecture about Hajj, wherein the speaker Ismail Davids said, “that very state that you are in: wearing two humble pieces of cloth, being shaved as if it were your own Aqiqah”, you are having a firsthand experience of what it is to be a newborn baby. Masha Allah what an amazing thought!
And this was an interesting paradigm, because it contradicts how our culture typically perceives Hajj. As we discussed the recent episode of The Barakah Effect podcast, people typically associate Hajj with “old age”. That they will perform hajj when they are old, repent, and khalas: wait for death.
But when you perform hajj when you’re young, it has a different, impactful spiritual effect: Now you want to make sure you maintain steadfast so you don’t let all of that good work go to waste!
2. A worthy investment
I remember a valuable advice shared by my mother. She once shared that when she went for Hajj in 2001, she was embarrassed to admit to her colleague that she took the most expensive hajj package at the time. When she finally told him, he said,
“Zai, if you are going to save money for something, it might as well be for your hajj”.
Simple, yet profound life advice: If you’re going to save up to spend, it might as well be for the sake of Allah.
That advice stuck to me, after all these years.
For years, I resisted the urge to succumb to peer pressure to buy a house, purchase a flashy new car on loan, or even start in any financial investment. Hajj in my youth was priority number one. I remember taking out huge chunks of my monthly paycheck into my Tabung Haji account for many months. We wanted to invest in a comfortable hajj package that would enable us to have total peace of mind in our worship.
يُرِيدُ اللَّـهُ بِكُمُ الْيُسْرَ وَلَا يُرِيدُ بِكُمُ الْعُسْرَ
“Allah wants ease for you, and He does not want difficulty for you” (Al-Baqarah 2:185)
After all, let’s be honest… who were we kidding: We were city people who aren’t used to hardships.
Besides, as many people would tell you: no matter how expensive or luxurious your hajj package is, you will always have to endure some form of hardship, one way or another.
And look, we’ll be honest. It wasn't cheap. The package that we selected, combined with mandatory Tabung Haji costs, logistics, etc cost us roughly around RM80,000.
But Alhamdulillah, in hindsight, the fact that Allah kept “postponing” our Hajj trip for four years enabled me to save up more money for a considerably comfortable package, without having to borrow a single cent from anyone.
And although on one hand, it was “expensive”, when all is said and done, I felt an immense feeling of satisfaction that I could spend a huge chunk of my savings for something other than material fulfillment or my own personal pleasure. Instead, I had flushed out my savings for the sake of Allah to fulfill my fifth pillar ofIslam.
It always seems heavy before the act. But looking back, it was the best 80,000 I have ever spent.
When I returned home to Malaysia, I remember thinking to myself:
NOW I can think about buying that house.
3. Healthy young man
Although we were physically healthy* and among the youngest in our Hajj group, I have to admit, Hajj was very physically demanding.
*Okay, I used the term “healthy” very loosely as I was overweight at the time, with a BMI of 30+, and had problems with frequent gout attacks. “Somewhat healthy” lah 🤣.
There were days in which my daily step count totalled 40,000 steps. There were situations in which I experienced intense moments of physical pain, emotional drain and mental fatigue which I felt like passing out and almost getting trampled over.
Yet at the same time, I felt immensely satisfied that I got through these situations while Allah had given me the youthful strength to endure them.
The Prophet ﷺ said,
"The feet of the son of Adam shall not move from before his Lord on the Day of Judgement, until he is questioned about five things: About his life and what he did with it, about his youth and what he wore it out in, about his wealth and how he earned it, and spent it upon, and what he did with what he knew." (At-Tirmidzi)
4. The Sunnah the better
Now at this point, perhaps you might be wondering: why is this guy going through so much hardship? How do those 60-, 70-, 80-year old uncles and aunties do it? Is this Faisal fella so weak?
Fair enough.
The reason is, we made some choices throughout our hajj that made it slightly more difficult, because of our insistence in following the sunnah. And for good reason. The Prophet ﷺ said,
خذوا عني مناسككم
“Take from me, your rituals for hajj” (Al-Baihaqi)
I remember thinking, because this hajj might be the one and only shot we will ever have, we are going to go all out following the sunnah, as close as we can.
If an act was wajib, we were going to put in the extra mile to make it happen in the best way! In fact, even if an act of hajj is “just sunnah”, we are not going to skip it: we were going to find a way to get it done. What this meant, in practice, was that our hajj plan didn’t necessarily go in accordance with the rest of the pilgrims in our hajj package, which we opted to take separate paths.
And this undoubtedly made our hajj more challenging, which pushed us to our limits - and in many ways, a lot of our experience may differ with what other Malaysian jamaah typically go through.
At the time, some of these choices may have got us into a lot of difficulties which, in theory, we could have avoided to make it much easier. We walked past the same roads that, only 2-3 hours after us, would experience a brutal stampede that resulted in the death of more than 700 pilgrims.
But now, six years later in hindsight, it was the best choice we could have done, and for that, I am happy that we made those choices. I am 100% satisfied that we exhausted all of our efforts to fulfill every aspect of sunnah in hajj.
5. Better relationship with my BFF wifey
Umar ibn Al-Khattab said, you don’t truly know a person until you have travelled with them, done business with them, or experience living with them as a neighbor.
Shared hardship tends to expose the best (or worst) out of us, and indeed Hajj is one of those experiences. And as my mother shared with me, numerous indeed are stories of actual couples who got divorced after being together in hajj - subhanAllah!
But that was not the case for us, Alhamdulillah.
One of the best outcomes of the hajj was how it strengthened the relationship with the wifey. It was she who did a ton of research to help plan our Hajj route; she was the one who would fill my ears with words of encouragement and reassurance, lifting my spirits when things got challenging.
I feel that the shared hardship strengthened our relationship, and simultaneously cultivating another important aspect: trust. It was an outcome far better and meaningful than your typical honeymoon!
I remember making a conscious decision with the wifey: Let’s go to Hajj while we are still young, and don’t yet have children. Little would we have known that, in spite of being delayed 3 years from our initial intent of hajj, we still were not granted with children by 2015.
Little would we know that it would be 2018 - eight years after our marriage - when we would have our first child, Muawiyah.
And I would like optimistically think that, perhaps, it was those shared moments together in 2015 that trained us to be better parents.
CLOSING THOUGHTS: WAS OUR HAJJ ACCEPTED?
When all is said and done, this will perhaps be the greatest concern of them all: Was our hajj accepted?
On one hand, we will never know, until we meet Allah. On the other hand, this is a concern that every believer should have, regardless of their deeds. When Prophet Ibrahim was constructing the ka’bah with his son, Prophet Ismail, the du’aa they made was:
رَبَّنَا تَقَبَّلْ مِنَّا ۖ إِنَّكَ أَنْتَ السَّمِيعُ الْعَلِيمُ
“O Our Lord! Accept from us! Verily, you are the All-Hearing, All-Knowing!” (Al-Baqarah 2:127)
Even though they were doing one of the greatest acts of worship of constructing the ka’bah. And mind you, this was not just ANY house of worship, mind you: but the place of worship that millions of pilgrims would visit every year, until the day of judgment. An OBVIOUS act of righteousness. Yet they too feared that perhaps their deed would not be accepted, hence they made this du’aa.
When A’isya recited the verse from surah al-mu’minun, وَالَّذِينَ يُؤْتُونَ مَآ ءاتَواْ وَّقُلُوبُهُمْ (And those who give that which they give with their hearts full of fear), her curiosity led her to wonder: “why were they so scared?” Hence she asked the Prophet,
“Are these the ones who (commit sins such as) theft, commit Zina and drink alcohol?”
The Prophet replied, “No, O daughter of As-Siddiq, they are the ones who pray and fast and give in charity, while fearing that it will not be accepted from them: It is those who hasten in the good deeds!” (At-Tirmidzi)
The constant worry and fear that our deeds will not be accepted: that is what should keep us away from complacency, motivate us to keep moving forward and keep trying our best.
Reflecting back on our hajj: One one hand, we are grateful to Allah to have given us the capability to have fulfilled many of the physical “sunnah” acts of Hajj, but on the other hand, I know for a fact that there were so many things that I wish I could have done better or done things differently.
But that is all behind us, and we only ask that Allah accept all of our deeds and keep it purely for His Sake.
May Allah open up the doors for our ummah to perform hajj once again and grant you all a Hajj Mabrur.
No comments:
Post a Comment