“How are you?” – The unseen, important impact of “small talk”

During 1-on-1 discussions of feedback exchange with the team for year-end performance review, one of the most surprising appreciative feedback I received from my team members is that he likes that I “start off conversations by taking time to ask ‘how are you?’ in meetings”

It was pleasantly surprising feedback, coming from one of the seniors in the team.

Curious, I asked him, “oh… that’s unexpected. Why is that even a thing, eh?”

He described that it helps mellow people down in very tense moments. Prior to technical meetings or potentially heated discussions, asking ‘how are you’ and initiating a casual conversation (especially in smaller, less intimidating meetings), helps flush out some of the tension, allowing meeting attendees to think clearly, which in turn paves the way for a “very effective” discussion ahead. Because he considered it so effective, he also began implementing it with his team members for their internal discussions. 

This was, in fact, a habit which I copied from my ex-boss, who implemented this very consistently in every meeting with his team members. 

Before the meat of the discussion takes place – before the boxing gloves come on – we connect as human beings. We establish a connection that subconsciously communicates and builds upon our trust and respect we have for one another, making it clear that any disagreements we may have throughout this discussion: is strictly professional and nothing personal. The key, of course, is to be thoughtfully present, and show genuine interest as a person.

It’s a small gesture, which, if implemented repeatedly as a habit over time, really builds genuine connection. As time passed by working with my ex-boss witnessing him implemented it, I observed that he began recalling and following up on specific things about my personal life which I shared in previous meetings. Things such as “has your dad completed his PhD?”, or “how is your studies going?”

There’s something profound about these little questions when someone has that touch of empathy to remember these little things. To have that feeling that he recognizes me as a person. Someone actually cares. My boss cares. That’s nice.  

It was a feeling that I hope to try to emulate, to the capacity I am able to. Sometimes, I do question myself, “should I ask this ‘how are you’ thing? Is it really necessary? It feels so awkward and sometimes feel like a distraction”. But I kept at it anyway. And this year-end feedback reminds me that yes, it was worth it. An unexpected appreciation of the things I didn’t realize had much impact at all.

And really, it’s not that difficult to do, at all. At most, this takes up 3-4 minutes of small talk. In a 1-hour meeting, that’s about 8% of the meeting time. Sounds like a waste of time? Here’s the way I see it: this is eight percent, which can make the remaining 92% more effective. If anything, that’s barakah (blessings): Small acts of kindness, done consistently. 

Prophet Muhammad ﷺ said:

لاَ تَحْقِرَنَّ مِنَ الْمَعْرُوفِ شَيْئًا وَلَوْ أَنْ تَلْقَى أَخَاكَ بِوَجْهٍ طَلْقٍ

“Do not belittle, or consider any of your good deeds as insignificant, even if it is that you meet your brother with a cheerful face.” (Muslim)

وَأَنَّ أَحَبَّ الأَعْمَالِ أَدْوَمُهَا إِلَى اللَّهِ، وَإِنْ قَلَّ 

"The most beloved deeds to Allah are the ones done consistently, even if they are small" (Al-Bukhari)

Mengapa begitu "Susah" untuk Hafal Al-Qur'an?

 

Waktu zaman kami buat group hafazan mingguan dulu, seorang sahabat kami pernah mengadu dan komplen, nak hafal Qur'an ni, "susah". Dan nak maintain hafalan yang sedia ada tu, LAGI susah, katanya.

Bila kawan ni sebut, terus terlintas di fikiran saya: Mengapa pula, begitu "mudah" untuk kita hafal lirik lagu kegemaran kita? 🎶

Kalaulah nak "maintain hafalan" itu susah, kenapa saya masih boleh ingat lagi lirik lagu-lagu yang saya hafal masa zaman budak-budak dulu. Bila masuk shopping complex, terdengar lagu zaman 90-an, lagu rock kapak ke, pergh, boleh ingat terus lirik.. Padahal dah bertahun dah tobat tak dengar.
Apsal eh?

Teringat satu ayat di dalam Surah Al-Qamar, yang diulang-ulang sebanyak 4 kali dalam surah tersebut:

وَلَقَدْ يَسَّرْنَا الْقُرْآنَ لِلذِّكْرِ فَهَلْ مِن مُّدَّكِرٍ
"Dan demi sesungguhnya, Kami telah MUDAHKAN Al-Qur'an untuk diingati/dihafal dan diambil pengajaran,
maka adakah orang yang mengambil pengajaran?"

Mengapa kita berasa susah untuk hafal Qur'an, sedangkan Allah dah firman bahawa ianya telah dimudahkan?
Mengapa pula, begitu mudah untuk kita hafal dan maintain hafalan lirik lagu-lagu, sedangkan ianya tiada manfaat pun untuk kita?

Sebab utama lirik lagu begitu mudah diingat adalah sebab perasaan cinta kita pada lagu-lagu tersebut. Bila dah habis layan lagu, lagu tu sampai tahap "can't get this song out of my head", kita pun dok nyanyi masa tengah main, tengah mandi, tengah lepak dengan kawan-kawan. Takde pun rasa "penat" atau "boring" walaupun dah berulang beratus kali.

Sebab utama kita rasa Al-Qur'an tu susah adalah sebab kita tiada perasaan cinta yang sama terhadap Al-Qur'an, kalam suci Allah. Kita tidak memberikan kasih sayang dan perhatian yang sama macam kita berikan kepada lagu-lagu kegemaran kita. Kita anggap Qur'an sebagai amalan "berat", yang mungkin kita hanya buat pada bulan Ramadan, kemudian kita tinggalkan. Bila kita luangkan masa, atau cuba mengulangi bacaan kita untuk hafalan, cepat sahaja rasa 'boring' atau 'penat'.

Jadi masalah Al-Qur'an itu "susah" untuk dihafal bukanlah masalah Al-Qur'an. Masalahnya adalah kelemahan diri kita sendiri: tiada rasa cinta atau semangat dalam Qur'an. Tu yang jadi susah. Penat. Givap.

Kita perlulah mengubah perspektif dan sikap kita terhadap Qur'an, untuk kita pupukkan cinta dan semangat, sampai tahap Qur'an tu selalu "bermain" dalam minda dan hati kita, dan kita pun rindu untuk membaca, menghafal, dan nak kongsi kepada orang lain (yakni, dakwah), sebagaimana kita semangat nak cerita psal lagu feveret kita kepada rakan-rakan. 

"Adakah harapan untuk aku?" 😞
Mungkin akan terlintas perasaan bahawa ianya satu yang berat, yang mungkin kita rasakan yang tahap cinta Qur'an ini "mustahil" untuk kita capai. Sebagai peringatan kepada diri saya dan sahabat-sahabat sekalian, tiada siapa yang 'lahir' terus cinta Al-Qur'an. Mereka yang paling mencintai Al-Qur'an pun, start dari zero juga. Malah, kalau dilihatkan, para sahabat Rasulullah (radhiAllahu anhum), pada zaman jahiliyah sebelum kemasukan islam, mereka asalnya ada yang penyembah berhala, kaki mabuk, berzina, dan sebagainya. Tapi mereka belajar. Mereka berusaha - berjihad dengan nafsu mereka, untuk buang tabiat dosa lama mereka, dan terapkan tabiat amal soleh. Bukan perkara mudah, tetapi mereka tetap tekun. Maka Allah buka Pintu Keberkatan-Nya sehinggakan mereka mencintai Al-Qur'an.

Bagi saya, Allah jadikan contoh ini kepada kita sebagai pedoman dan motivasi. Kalau mereka boleh capai tahap sedemikian, insha Allah kita pun mampu. Cinta sejati perlu dipupuk, bukan dinanti-nantikan sahaja, seolah-olah satu hari, ada Nur dari langit yang automatik buat kita cinta Qur'an.

Sahabat pun kena usaha. Maka, kalau kita tidak buat pilihan untuk disiplinkan diri dan menanamkan cinta kepada Al-Qur'an, mungkin kita tidak akan mampu menghafalnya walaupun hidup 1000 tahun. Bahkan mungkin kita tak tergerak hati nak cuba pun.

5 langkah yang perlu kita ambil untuk pupukkan cinta ini:

1. Doa: Mohon kepada Allah agar dikurniakan kecintaan kepada kalam-Nya. Hati kita, dan Al-Qur'an itu adalah milik-Nya dan hanya Dialah yang dapat melembutkan hati kita terhadapnya.

2. Ilmu: tak kenal, maka tak cinta. Mungkin sebab kita kurang minat Qur'an itu sendiri adalah kerana kurang nya ilmu.
Sentiasa "upgrade" ilmu dalam Al-Qur'an, terutama sekali dalam ilmu tafsir dan pemahaman. Ilmu Al-Qur'an adalah kumulatif, dan saling menguatkan ilmu yang sedia ada.

3. Amalkannya: lagi banyak kita mengamalkan ilmu daripada Al-Qur'an, lagi kehidupan kita bertambah baik daripada aplikasi Al-Qur'an, maka lagi kuatlah pegangan dan hubungan kita dengannya.

4. Sampaikan: bersemangat untuk kongsi kepada orang lain pengajaran yang kita peroleh - sama macam orang semangat nak cerita kepada orang tentang retis atau lagu feveret mereka - tanpa peduli sama ada orang "like" atau tidak, atau kalau ada yang mengutuk kita ni kononnya "poyo ustaz" atau "berlagak macam ustazah".

5. Buang "distraction" yang mengganggu: Hati kita ini ibarat bekas yang terhad muatannya. Kalau kita dah isi bekas tersebut dengan cinta kepada muzik dan perkara-perkara haram, atau hiburan lagha yang tidak bermanfaat, maka tiada lagi ruang untuk cinta kepada Al-Qur'an.

Secara ringkas, amalkan sabda Rasulullah:

خَيْرُكُمْ مَنْ تَعَلَّمَ الْقُرْآنَ وَعَلَّمَهُ
"Manusia terbaik di kalanganmu adalah mereka yang mempelajari Al-Qur'an, dan mengajarkannya" (Al-Bukhari, Muslim)

Kelima-lima langkah ini memerlukan proses yang berterusan Sepanjang hidup kita. Sedikit demi sedikit: yang penting konsisten. Doa, belajar, amal, share, taubat. Ulang sampai mati, literally. Lama kelamaan, insha Allah kita akan rasa kemanisannya.
Mungkin satu hari, kita akan jatuh cinta dengan Al-Qur'an, sampai tahap "I can't get this surah out of my head!"

Tidak mustahil. Yang penting kita cuba.

Semoga Allah jadikan kita semua insan yang benar-benar mencintai Al-Qur'an, dan meneruskan usaha gigih kita untuk menghafal kalam-Nya.

When you hear that your friend “backstabbed” you or spoke ill of you behind your back - the Advice of Imam Ash-Shafi’ee

 

Haven’t we been in such situations where we hear about others speaking ill of us? Especially when we hear heartbreaking news that our friends or acquaintances – people we trust – spread harsh, painful words about us that not only hurt, but could seriously harm our reputation, and perhaps even result in outright character assassination? 

Even more hurtful knowing that those individuals don’t even have the decency to tell us in person.. 😞

It happens in circles of friends, different groups, family members, and ESPECIALLY at the workplace, and usually the heart of what leads to office politics. 

I have been a victim and target of such situations at many points in my personal and professional life, and they resulted in a lot of stress and  heartbreaking fallouts which are difficult to rectify once other people get involved and add fuel to the fire.

How do we handle ourselves, should similar scenarios happen to us again in the future? 

Recently I came across this golden advice by our beloved Imam, Muhammad ibn Idris Ash-Shafi’ee. A life changing advice on the actions, attitudes and paradigm that we should have when we hear about our friends speaking ill of us, beautifully summing up the wisdom and akhlaq (character) of a Muslim. 

It starts by getting closure: To have the courage to confront and clarify. 

Imam Ash-Shafi’ee advised his student, Yunus ibn Abdul A’la:

"O Yunus, if you hear something about your friend that you hate, don't rush to become an enemy and sever your trust with him, just because of hear-say. If you do so, you will be like a person who had demolished certainty with doubt.

Instead, go up to confront him and say, "I was told such-and-such", and be careful NOT to inform who was the informant. If he denies it, tell him, "you are more truthful and more righteous", and stop right there, do nothing further.

If he admits to it, and you can see a reasonable excuse for him, then pardon him, and if you do not find and excuse, ask, "what did you intend with those words?"

If he gives a reasonable excuse, then accept it from him. And if you do not consider that a reasonable excuse for that and you are out of options and have proven to him that indeed, it is a misconduct, then you have a choice:

If you want, you can retaliate and avenge yourself, tit-for-tat, without adding more than that.

But if you want, you may forgive him. And forgiveness is closer to righteous, more generous in generosity, because Allah says: 

وَجَزَاءُ سَيِّئَةٍ سَيِّئَةٌ مِثْلُهَا فَمَنْ عَفَا وَأَصْلَحَ فَأَجْرُهُ عَلَى اللَّهِ

"And the recompense of an evil is with evil, but whoever pardons and makes amends, his reward is with Allah". (Ash-Shura 42:40)

If your soul (i.e. ego) desires for a revenge, then mention the goodness about that person, and do not underestimate the rest of his previous goodness because of this few evil deeds; if you were to do so, then you are guilty of the same evil that he committed.

The righteous man used to say: 'May Allah have mercy on him who rewarded me for my sins (I.e. By backbiting about me and giving away his good deeds) without adding to my sins, and without diminishing my rights' 

O Yunus, if you have a friend, HOLD ON TO HIM – tighten your grip with him! 

Because finding a true friend is DIFFICULT and breaking up that friendship is easy.

The ease with which a person abandons a friend, is the likeness to a boy who throws a big stone into the well, and it is easy for him to throw it. Yet it is so difficult for someone to throw it out from that well.

This is my advice and peace be upon you."

(End quote. Reference: Sifat as-Safwah)

What brilliant, comprehensive advice ما شاء الله ! 

In addition to the above, I would add to that:  this approach can also be a means towards Self-development. 

Many times have I discovered that what people spoke about me behind my back, had some truth behind it and turned out to be valuable input to improve. 

Perhaps, upon seeking clarification with those who spoke ill of us, we might learn something about ourself that we didn't realize all this while. Maybe some subconscious  behaviors which people dislike, maybe even self-inflicted reputation killers we didn't notice all this while, and just the humbling wake up call we needed to hear to snap out of our heedlessness.

With the right attitude and mindset, once we get past the superficial harshness, putting aside ego and personal stakes, we might find gems of constructive criticism that can help improve us in the long run. 

It doesn't validate what they did. Backbiting is still backbiting, and they are still sinful for their deeds - but this perspective  allows us to take the high road and see the silver lining behind the ordeal. 

May Allah make us amongst those who have the courage to speak honestly and give sincere advice to one another, and may He protect us from the ill-effects of negative thoughts, backbiting, and envy.

Toddlers & Kittens: Teaching Restraint & Gentleness

 

“Kenapa cat tak suka Muawiyah? Why cat go to Abah?” Cries a frustrated Muawiyah, as his favorite orange cat, Mustafa keeps running away from him at all his attempts to play.

“Cat ni macam dunia, Muawiyah. Lagi kita kejar, lagi dia lari. Lagi kita rilek je, buat cool… nanti diorg datang”

This cat is like dunya: the more we chase it, the more it runs away. The more we keep cool, we relax, the cats will come to us. 

Oh man, that was so cringe and cliché. I would have laughed at my own silliness, but at the time I said it, I refrained. Laughing would have compromised or diluted the message. I needed to nail the lesson. Stick the landing. I needed to use this opportunity to teach him an important life lesson: as much as we love something or someone, sometimes the best thing to do is to restrain ourselves, and win them over with our gentleness.

It’s no secret that our 3-year old Muawiyah loves cats, and that’s something we discovered since he was an infant. He used to love his old cats Talhah and Mishmish, hugging and jumping on them while they willingly submit without retaliation. 

However, in our recent experience of adopting 2 kittens – Mustafa and Jubayr – for the past two months, we learnt something: it’s one thing for infants to be rough with grown up cats bigger than them. But when the grown toddler, now stronger and more able, when he handles kittens – creatures much smaller, fragile, sensitive and so irresistibly cute – it’s another whole challenge entirely.

I noticed very early on that it was very difficult for him to suppress his “geram” feelings at these adorable, playful fellas. He just couldn’t control himself from handling them roughly, sometimes to the point of hurting them, as he jumps on them, scares them, throws objects at them, and even throws the kittens themselves, much to our horror. Being clueless kittens, they would defend themselves once in a while (Muawiyah’s got the battle scars to prove them), which would annoy him even more and sometimes make him even more aggressive. 

As parents, this brought us an entirely new challenge and important life lesson: how do we train him to restrain himself amidst other helpless, weaker creatures than us? How can we teach him to be gentle? 

I have a friend who was really good at all sorts of martial arts. Tae-kwon do, Silat, Karate, Jiu Jitsu, Capoeira, even Wushu. Put him in any arena, and just watch the beast go... This guy was a fighting machine.

Plot twist: He has never been in an actual fight. All his fights are only in training circles. He told me, there was one incident where others who provoked him to fight back, bullying him, intimidating him with insults of cowardice and weaknesses, even using physical aggression, all trying to illicit a response. He knew full well that he was fully capable of crushing them like a bug – instead, he chose to leave, peacefully.

He explained, true strength lies in making the choice to suppress our strength. 

Kindness. Kindness isn’t a weakness. Kindness is a strength.

Growing up in my youth, this is what has always compelled me about fictional comic book superheroes. What made them heroes weren’t that they had superpowers. It was that, in spite of their so-called superhuman powers, abilities, or their billionaire heritage, they made a choice – not only to suppress themselves from abusing those abilities for personal gains, but step up even further: to use those abilities for the greater good, to help people. It does certainly seem idealistic: most people today couldn’t even suppress themselves with a little bit of money and authority. 

But in its subtext, lies an important message: Kindness isn’t a weakness. The CHOICE of kindness – despite possessing great power – that, is true strength of character.

But I digress: How do we teach this to our children? Especially in handling weak and defenseless creatures like kittens? How do we shape their character and prevent them from being bullies when they are outside of our supervision, i.e. when they start going to school?

This is an area we are still struggling with, but here is what we have learnt so far: 

We need to teach them: demonstrate what is gentleness. What is considered “too rough” and what is considered gentle.

The best is through leading by example, to play with the kittens in his presence, emphasizing hands-on gentleness. I stroke them gently, tickling them and waiting for their response. Mustafa likes me so much that he has a habit of licking my fingers, which annoys Muawiyah because he can’t seem to figure out how to get Mustafa to like him. 

And that is my cue: “See, Muawiyah? Mustafa likes Abah because Abah is gentle with him. Cool kan?” Of course, he immediately begins reaching his finger out to test his likeability. And much to his disappointment, Mustafa doesn’t lick. 

“Why Mustafa doesn’t like Muawiyah?” he asks in frustration.

“Maybe Muawiyah has been too rough. Why don’t you try to treat him gently, like Abah.” 

And we can see breakthroughs: Now, Mustafa licks Muawiyah’s finger, too. Sometimes. 

I also teach him, to just watch them play. I have always adored watching kittens fight with each other, and so I teach Muawiyah, and instead of grabbing them or holding them, let’s just step back, sit down, and have some snacks while we watch them play as I release amused chuckles at how adorable kittens are – which in turn, gets him to chuckle too.. We have a good laugh, as I keep on cementing the lesson: “So nice to see them play, kan?”

This requires a lot of patience. Children like to test their limits, and this also means that as a parent, we have to train ourselves with wisdom: gauge when we give out the no’s and “don’ts” when we spend time with them. In addition to the restrictions, learn to laugh with them, and have a good time, in addition to setting those limits, allowing them to explore within boundaries, suppressing the urge to keep correcting them and getting them frustrated. Let our children see through our actions that we are gentle with them, just as we are with the kittens. 

These days, sometimes Muawiyah will proudly say, “look Abah, Muawiyah gentle” as he demonstrates him gracefully stroking his little friends. “Alright, good job little man!” – we high five on it to acknowledge the achievement, in hopes of reinforcing the good action.

Of all the character traits we should be instilling our children, the characteristic of ‘gentleness’ and kindness is one that gets overlooked often, and, in practice, is one of the more difficult ones to teach at home. Which is a nice little lesson for us as parents: Since Muawiyah doesn’t have any younger siblings yet, taking care of kittens just might be our tarbiyah mechanism to instill this trait of manliness. Better to test, develop and train them under our watchful supervision, instead of leaving it up to chance when they enter the school environment with other kids. 

Gentleness and kindness is the key to barakah in all our relationships. Our Prophet Muhammad ﷺ told his wife, A’isya:

يَا عَائِشَةُ إِنَّ اللَّهَ رَفِيقٌ يُحِبُّ الرِّفْقَ وَيُعْطِي عَلَى الرِّفْقِ مَا لاَ يُعْطِي عَلَى الْعُنْفِ وَمَا لاَ يُعْطِي عَلَى مَا سِوَاهُ ‏"‏ ‏.‏

“'A'isha, verily Allah is kind and gentle, He loves gentleness and Gives through gentleness which he does not give upon harshness. And He does not give anything quite like He does as He does in gentleness” (Muslim)

In another hadith, he ﷺ said: 

مَنْ أُعْطِيَ حَظَّهُ مِنَ الرِّفْقِ فَقَدْ أُعْطِيَ حَظَّهُ مِنَ الْخَيْرِ وَمَنْ حُرِمَ حَظَّهُ مِنَ الرِّفْقِ فَقَدْ حُرِمَ حَظَّهُ مِنَ الْخَيْرِ ‏

"Whoever was given his share of gentleness, then he has been given a share of good. And whoever has been deprived from his share of gentleness, then he has been deprived from his share of good." (At-Tirmidzi)

May Allah make us amongst those who are gentle, kind, but at the same time, be steadfast and firm on our principles, towards those around us.

So this is what we have learnt so far. What do you think? Have kittens at home? Any other useful tips we can do towards developing gentleness in our little ones?

Can we develop “professional sharpness”?

 

Ever since I started working as an engineer, I would always be impressed by those bosses, managers and technical professionals who are always so sharp at detecting things during presentations or discussions. They would learn about a certain problem statement, idea, proposal, right there and then on the spot, and can immediately ask really good questions, give brilliant suggestions, and, like an eye of an eagle, effortlessly spot out mistakes beyond the trivial comments such as typo or “font too small”. 

They would make some out-of-the-box statement completely out of left field, making me wonder, “how on Earth did he think of THAT?!”

These individuals seemed to be the exceptional few, and for the longest time, I used to just assume that this was simply talent. Some people just have it, while the rest of us, me included, we’re just not “gifted” with it. That’s life, right?

But out of my curiosity, I used to always observe these sharp people during meetings, engagements, and presentations, and see what I can learn from them. 

I noticed one simple, consistent characteristic they all have in common: a habit of mindfulness and curiosity. 

When people speak, they listen, they pay attention, fully present with the genuine desire to understand. They aren’t distracted with browsing their mobile phones or checking their email, waiting for their name to be called out before they say, “I’m sorry, what was the question?”. 

They ask questions to learn and understand, putting aside their ego that prevents them from asking “stupid questions”. Sometimes, when they spot mistakes, it’s not because they are ‘hunting for faults’, but rather, because something came in the way of their understanding. 

They behave in this manner enough times, until it eventually becomes a habit. When it becomes a habit long enough, they eventually get exposed to so many different presentations, that they start to draw patterns, and from there, they can make intelligent suggestions from other sessions. Over time, the more mindful they are, the sharper they get. The better their questions. The cooler they become.

It’s interesting to note, that those out-of-the-box statements don’t happen all the time. But because those moments feel so subconsciously impactful, they leave a lasting impression. "They must be some kind of genius"

If anything, though, this observation gives me hope: Perhaps, being ‘sharp’ isn’t about having the ‘gift’ of being sharp. It’s about cultivating a habit of making a choice to be present, and a choice to ignore distractions. 

The other way around, also holds true: When we make the choice to ‘zone out’ or drift away from meetings, being distracted by our mobile phones, or doing other stuff while our virtual meeting plays off in the background, over time, that too also becomes a habit that makes us less and less effective in meetings. A habit that, if not kept in check, can also make us a useless presence altogether. 

And if this “drifter” habit is practiced by multiple people in the same meeting, this is often what results in meetings becoming a “waste of time” because everybody is only present by name only: but not in mind. And haven’t you been in those meetings? So many people, yet so little input and participation. 

Nobody is perfect, of course. Even the sharp guys will get distracted every once in a while, and you can tell that when they are, that’s when they don’t contribute much. But when they are back in the zone, you can tell: they’re back in the zone. And the more they keep it up, the sharper they get. 

What do you think? Can sharpness be developed? Any other ideas how we can develop this cool trait? 

"I love my team"

 

“I love my team, and I know everyone in any organization in any team will say this (as long as they're still in that team) but I genuinely mean it”

This was the response by one of our engineering team members, when we recently conducted an anonymous survey reflecting back on our overall working experience in 2021. It was one of the most unexpected and touching responses, and a pleasant surprise to kickoff 2022. (Interesting Fact: this was from a guy). 

Borrowing a page of Simon Sinek’s book “The Infinite Game”, one of the priority tasks we wanted to work on throughout 2021 was to Build Trusting Teams. 

The following are were two simple habits our team worked on towards this goal

1. Weekly team Huddle – we initiated the practice of having a 1-2 hour meeting every week, where each of us share what we’ve done for the week, how our current workloads are, and what we anticipate the coming week. It was a platform to share their current challenges, reach out to others who are experiencing (or who have, in the past, experienced) the same, and an opportunity to practice generosity, and share any insights or lessons learnt they gained. The most important thing was consistency: we committed to it with ferocious discipline and barely missed a week. It started out rather stiff at first as team members mainly focused their own respective updates, but as time went by and we knew each other’s’ work better, huddles started becoming more and more exciting, as more people are willing to share, speak up and connect with each other. Only drawback was that it started spilling over to 3 hours at times!

2. Sembang Petang – In a move to care for our mental health and working relationship working from home, our section head triggered this brilliant initiative to meet up every Friday afternoon, where we have an informal 1-hour session rotating hosts to facilitate all participants to talk about anything except work – cycling topics on personal sharing such as favorite hobbies, fresh graduate experiences, biggest achievements, memorable university experiences, teka teki quizzes, favorite YouTube channels, etc. This really brought the team together, as we got to know each other on a much more personal level and really helped enhanced our working relationship, despite working from home. Which was really helpful for me, as the new guy – considering I still haven’t met most of my team members face to face! The key here was also consistency, as the team – including the managers – kept it up every week no matter how busy things got, which lent a serious atmosphere of commitment for togetherness.

Perhaps you can consider implementing these at your respective teams.

I am very grateful to the team for playing their part and actively contributing to enhance our working environment. Here’s hoping we keep up the team spirit as we continue building trusting teams in this Infinite Game! 

Difference between amateurs and pros: Showing Up

 As we embark on our newly defined goals, targets, plans and personal resolutions, it’s a timely reminder to take responsibility and behave like a pro: show up, and show up consistently. 

Look, we’re all human right. 

There are days in which I really don’t feel like exercise. I mean, it’s not like I have major health issues or anything.. Take it easy, mate. 

There are days I really don’t feel like playing with my son, with those same mundane toys, and reading that same “favorite book” that we have read together 29 times. 

There are exhausting days in which I just don’t feel like waking up at 5:00am for Fajr, let alone go to the mosque. I might as well just pray at home, two quick rakaah, up down touch the ground, done. After all, I fulfilled my obligation, right?

In fact, NGL there are weeks which I really don’t feel like doing another episode of The Barakah Effect podcast. Not only is it very tiring & time consuming to research, coordinate, talk, edit, upload, but we have to fork out money to get it produced. I feel like informing the team to take the week off with a justifiable excuse of “spending quality time with the family”. Who would know?

.. Yet we get up, we show up, and we do it anyway. 

"Self-discipline is the ability to make yourself do what you should do when you should do it, whether you feel like it or not.” (Brian Tracy)

We tend to only do something when we “feel” like doing it, or when we receive inspiration from the heavens. But as long as we operate with this fragile mindset of relying on our fickle feelings & succumbing to them, we will never accomplish anything terribly significant, by our own merit: Instead, we will be in constant firefighting mode, only waiting for external circumstances to force ourselves to get things done.

 

The tabi’ee Thabit al-Bunani said, “I struggled against myself for twenty years to perform the prayers. Then, for the next twenty years, I enjoyed it” (Ref: Sifat as-Safwah)

Think about that: struggled for 20 years! Many of us try a few times, and we give up, convinced that we are hopeless. He had the grit to show up, stick to it, and eventually he loved it. What drives him to fight this discomfort? 

We cannot rely on inspiration or motivation. What we need is PURPOSE. We need a higher goal that transcends our own personal conveniences: one that always reminds us us keep our eyes on the prize. A drive to have a sense of urgency to keep moving, and not give in to that temptation of complacency and comfort, that tells us that “good enough” is good enough. An ambition that shapes our identity to be more than our present selves.

To show up. To do the right thing, even when you don’t feel like it. 

And that, my friends, is the quality that distinguishes the amateurs: between the dreamers and the doers. 

Keys to Delivering Powerful, Effective and Impactful Speech

Ever wondered how some people's speech are so effective and Impactful, that they can move people's hearts and inspire them to change? 

Whereas there are some who speak for hours and it just feels like it enters one ear and exits the other? 

How DO we effectively give speeches that can attain the latter? 

Interestingly, it has less to do with public speaking techniques, than it does with attitude and mindset. 

In hadith #28 of Imam An-Nawawi's 40 Hadith, the companion Irbadh bin Sariyah narrated, 

The Messenger of Allah ﷺ delivered to us a sermon by which our hearts were filled with fear and tears came to our eyes. 

So we said, “O Messenger of Allah! It is as though this is a farewell sermon, so counsel us.” (Abu Daud, At-Tirmidzi)

"This shows that what they were taught effected them. Teaching is not simply a matter of conveying "dry" laws and regulations. Beyond that, what is needed is what affects the heart and what is related to their lives. It should go to the very soul of the listener"

(J. Zarabozo, "Commentary on the 40 Hadith")

From this Hadith, in the book "Al-Wafi: Commentary on 40 Hadith of An-Nawawi", Al-Bugha & Mistu outlined some tips, how a person's speech will have the desired effect on the listeners, from the practice of the Prophet ﷺ:

1. BELIEF: The person must believe in his speech and be affected by it. In this way, he can transform that feeling to his listeners and convince them of what he is saying. When doing this, his expression will bear his conviction of his words. 

This was the case with the Prophet ﷺ whose face and demeanor would change when he was giving a speech. When delivering a sermon, he would be like a person earnestly warning his people about a coming army.

2. SINCERITY: The speaker's heart must be free of disease and filth. The speech that is coming from a pure and sincere heart will flow over to the listeners. 

Many times, believers can pick up the falseness of a person's heart when he speaks. Al-Hasan Al-Basri once heard a speaker in the mosque whose speech had no effect on Al-Hasan. Afterwards, he went to the speaker and told him, "there is either a disease in your heart or in my heart"

3. WALK THE TALK: The person's speech must be followed up by action. In general, the people who listen to his speech will watch his deeds. If his deeds do not correspond to his words, it is a sign that he does not believe in his own words or he was just trying to fool the audience.

(end quote)

Once we have the above, then any efforts of improving our speaking and presentation techniques will only amplify the effectiveness even further! 

May Allah grant us iman, sincerity, and the steadfastness to walk the talk. 

What is the Purpose of Knowledge? Alarming trends in the digital age

 

Many of us were raised with the mindset that we need to study “to get a job”. 

The reason people continue studies – an MBA or PhD – it’s usually with the intention of career progression.

Even when I got my PMP, chartered and professional engineer certifications, people questioned me, “why bother? It’s not like you get a pay raise anyway!”

This all boils down to a hollow, problematic mindset of today’s society: Knowledge is merely a tool to get money.

Which brings about a concerning, underlying subtext:

So, if we can have money without knowledge or qualifications, why bother learning? 

Which perhaps explains why so many people, when they land a good job, they stop active learning - Unless it's a mandatory requirement, or for promotion. Again, money. 

I recall recently having a conversation with an entrepreneurial-minded teenager who started his own business. When I started talking to him about school, he sounded dismissive, and said, 

“To me, school isn’t really that important. In today’s world, we can succeed without education.”

This response concerns me. Especially when we look at today’s trends. Today, it’s very possible to be a wealthy “teen sensation” social media superstar at TikTok or YouTube. And alarmingly, many youths today genuinely consider these viral sensations as role models. 

All of these are further strengthened by the narrative that some of the wealthiest, most ‘successful’ modern-day entrepreneurs are university dropouts: Bill Gates, Steve Jobs, Mark Zuckerberg. 

While we don’t doubt that these individuals have some degree of financial success, when we conveniently take these facts out of context, it subconsciously sends a dangerous, convenient message that Pink Floyd declared in '70s: “We don’t need no education” 

Fundamentally, we need to change our attitude and have a serious paradigm shift: the purpose of knowledge isn’t just a tool to get rich.

Rather, I have another proposition: 

The purpose of knowledge is to improve quality of life. 

The pursuit of knowledge helps us challenges our skills, broadens our horizons. It adds meaning, purpose, and enrichment to our lives. Knowledge can guide us to become a better parent, a better child, a better leader, a better Muslim, a better human being. Ultimately, a better quality of life. 

.. and wealth is just a means to that purpose. Just like qualifications and certificates. 

As parents and educators, we also need to have a more holistic, mature view on the purpose of educational institutions such as school and university. These places aren’t only a factory to produce paper qualifications. They are wholesome training grounds for us to cultivate healthy learning habits, disciplined work schedules and regimented deadlines, groom presentation and communication skills, bring ideas together, challenge our abilities and develop self-confidence, conduct independent research within a guided framework, first-hand learning of manners, values, principles, and good character, as well as develop social interaction, collaboration, learning to cope with different personalities, and healthy competition as we would in the real world. 

In other words, educational institutions are a closed control environment to teach life skills that prime us up to handle the real world. 

Is it perfect? No, it isn’t. But it does provide a package of life skills that, if we are mindful of extracting the valuable gems, might just teach some useful elements to be successful in life. 

Therefore, when we send our children to school, have these at the back of our minds, and what we want them to gain from that experience. And when we choose NOT to send them there and give them the freedom to choose otherwise, take ownership of what we are depriving them from. 

Let’s all play our roles to rekindle the love for knowledge for the betterment of our lives and those around us.

And put an end to this mindset that knowledge is a mere tool to get rich. 

Ikhlas in Giving Advice

 “I have told him so many times, but he just won’t listen!”

“There’s no point highlighting this to them, it’s not like they will take action”

How many times have we heard - or ourselves are guilty of expressing - these defeatist cries of frustration? 

Many of us are quick to throw in the towel when we perceive as if our advice has "no effect".

As Muslims, sometimes we forget that the purpose that we give advice, isn’t for the person to change. Our purpose of giving advice is to convey: because it pleases Allah. 

And if - we are truly sincere - and Allah is pleased with it AND wants good for the person, HE will add in the Barakah and inspire the change. That's HIS job - not yours!

Allah commanded the Prophet ﷺ: “So, remind them (O Muhammad), you are only a one who reminds. You are NOT a dictator over them.” (Al-Ghashiyah 21-22)

Even the Prophet ﷺ, the noblest, most righteous and most beloved creation of Allah, could not have the ability to guide Abu Talib, the father figure whom he loved so dearly. 

“Indeed, [O Muhammad], you do not guide whom you like, but Allah guides whom He wills. And He is most knowing of the [rightly] guided” (Al-Qasas, 56)

Change takes time. We cannot see the full outcome, only try our best in the moment and put our trust in Allah.

But if we lack in the endurance and easily give up because there is no visible change, we might never see that change at all.

As Thomas Edison once said, “many of life’s failures are people who did not realize HOW CLOSE they were to success when they gave up”

May Allah make us amongst those who are truly sincere. 

#ikhlas #sincerity

My (very subjective) #top10books2021 - by Faisal Abu Muawiyah

 

It's the end of the year again! And for geeky enthusiasts such as myself, it's the time where we recap our favorite "best of the year" list. Where in the old days (the pre-beard years), my lists used to be movies or video games, this time I talk about my newfound passion (in due part, thanks to the pandemic): Books!

One of the things I am very grateful to Allah is that I am still able to keep up a reading habit with a slight increase from 2020, having finished 27 books this year, and these are my personal favorite top 10, in no particular order. These books aren't necessarily those which are objectively "the best"; rather they are those I like the most, especially if they have a personal impact in improving my life, or challenging/shaping my perspective in . Also, they don't necessarily have to be published in 2021, only that I read them this year. 

2021 Year in Review: A Reader's Journey

1. "How do you find time to read?" 

That's a question I get asked quite a bit, so thought I'll share it here

Firstly: I don't "find time". I "make time". After coming back from the masjid  morning (subuh /Fajr) prayers, I will spend time reading before I go for exercise. This is 100% uninterrupted me-time of morning barakah (blessings) before the family wakes up. Seize it! 

Secondly: honestly, I really don't spend that much time reading as one might think. On an average day, I spend about 10-15 minutes. 

BUT: The key here is consistency. I never skip a day (according to the Kindle App, my current reading streak is at 495 days in a row). If you do the math, 15 mins a day every day adds up to 90 hours per year. 

For a slow reader like me, an average best seller would take a solid 3 hours to finish, therefore 15 minutes a day comes to about 30 books per year. 

2. Preferred Reading method: Kindle App on Phone

Am I still using my Kindle device? Surprise! No I am not. My Kindle device died me. But I am using the Kindle app on my phone (which syncs the e-book purchases from the device), which I find a lot more practical and beneficial: the phone allows for copying texts, which is immensely helpful for note-taking and sharing as I can immediately share to social media, note-taking app, or my own personal whatsapp/telegram space. It gives a sense of satisfaction to allow me new ways to retain knowledge and share with others.

For hardcopy books, since re-typing the highlights is painful and sluggish, it kind of hampers the reading experience.

The phone app also allows 4 different colors of highlights, of which I used to my advantage to segregate the "hierarchy" of important points (i.e. red highlights indicate super important knowledge > blue > yellow), as opposed to the "black and white" monochrome of the kindle. With hardcopy books, I almost get an OCD-level frustration when I can't find my highlighter.

Also, we bring the phone everywhere anyway, right? There were many situations I was out and "wished I had brought a book" - and when we don't, we go back into default mode: whatsapp and social media. Having the Kindle app allowed for a healthy distraction

In principle, I still prefer e-books compared to physical hard copy books, due to many logisitcal reasons above. Also, being the clumsy fella I am, there was one incident in which some water spilled on my book, ruining it completely, annoying me to the point of depriving the motivation to continue reading that book (what to do... I am human). 

The only downside is to reading on the phone are those pesky distractions called notifications, and the added level of challenge to fight the temptation of opening YouTube / social media. 

3. Reading is "expensive"? - A worthy investment

Let's acknowledge the elephant in the room: Purchasing Books aren't cheap. The average cost of a best-selling book (which isn't on sale), is equivalent to 1 month's subscription of Netflix. And if one were to make an apple-to-apple comparison on the surface, it doesn't "make sense" to be buying e-books. With Netflix, I get full immersive video and audio experience, with big budget special effects and top notch production values. With e-books, I am paying for text (and possibly, a few pictures, flowcharts and graphs).

But, take it from me, an ex-addict of movies, video games and TV series: Books are way more satisfying. Sure, movies can provide more short term "thrills" (arguably more so than books), but they will never have the impact that books will: reading has opened up my perspective, enhance my life, teach me new things and allowed my thoughts to mature in a way that movies ever could.

So this was a massive paradigm shift: When I pay money for books, I don't pay for popcorn thrills - I invest in myself. I pay for a better me.

4. Range of topics

Continuing the trend of my reading habit in 2020, my reading list was kept practical: To satisfy my curiosity to focus reading only the content that I feel would have a beneficial impact on improving my life, in some way. There were some books I started but deliberately decided not to finish because I didn't feel it was useful or beneficial for me. 

To better prepare me for my new role as manager in my workplace, I read a lot more management/leadership titles, especially those focused on 'new leaders', and I got some really good insights.

To my surprise, I did not read any fiction books, although admittedly I really wanted to. 

One thing though, in hindsight, perhaps I should have read up more on Parenting - that was one genre that took a backseat in this year's reference.

5. Book Club

Inspired by the monthly book club gathering from the previous division i was working in, I have always wanted to initiate a Book Club in some way, shape or form. But to date, I still haven't quite been able to get that idea off the ground. Still figuring out how best to do it, so watch this space! 

Any ideas?

Hope you find this sharing useful!

Personal Favorite - "This is Love" by Dr. Ali Albarghouthi

In his follow up to 2019's "Heart Therapy: Forty Hadiths in Tazkiyah and Soul Purification" comes the latest book by Dr. Ali Albarghouthi on Forty Hadith about Love in Islam, covering the perspectives of Love of Allah, Love for the Prophet, and Love for Creation - covering everything from family, friends, and even material objects. 

I really benefitted a lot from "Heart Therapy", and so was having high expectations on this one. And I'm happy to say, "This is Love" met them - and then some. This is one of those Islamic books that, when you really put your mind to it, can really engage you on a spiritual, mental and emotional level. Admittedly, some of the content are so emotionally powerful that I teared up at some points. 

And boy, this book needs to exist! Especially in the 21st century. "Love" is a topic that men rarely talk about, and sometimes the "how" aspect of applying the concept of Love feels like a mystery, especially when it comes to how do we Love Allah and Love the Prophet. 

The book has a very strong central message, which is that everything is centered on the Love of Allah - whether in our actions, His actions, the creation of the universe, even the legislation of shari'ah, and even our obsession of dunya. All of those concepts - whether we realize it or not - are somehow tied to the Love of Allah. There are lots of reflections, deep insights, and actionable points, and just like Heart Therapy, what I love most are the multitude of quotations and amazing wisdoms from the righteous predecessors (salafus soleh).

On the flipside though, it is worth noting that because the book has such a strong emphasis on its central theme on Love of Allah, it may sometimes feel repetitive and a bi heavy to read a large quantity in one seating. Just like Heart Therapy, seems that this book is best read in across a period of time, reading in short bursts, implementing and reflecting in between. 

One of my favorite things about Dakwah Corner's publications is how they always put in the exact reference and original Arabic texts, which is extremely useful and beneficial for Arabic noobs like me. 

It’s one of those timeless references where you’d want to go back to again and again

"Dare to Lead" by Brene Brown

"I want to live in a world with braver, bolder leaders, and I want to be able to pass that kind of world on to my children."

Shame and vulnerability are topics that are rarely talked about, especially in the Asian culture. Even more so amongst much of the Malay culture amongst the men - where kindness, openness and "lack of knowledge" are often made fun of or ridiculed.

In "Dare to Lead", author Brene Brown not only tackle these issues head-on, but propose real world solutions to restore true courage in our organizations, especially among the leaders - through connection, authenticity, empathy, embracing fear of the unknown, acknowledging our faults and constantly moving forward.

What i found particularly enlightening about the book too is that it addresses a lot of the things we dislike about "corporate culture": backstabbing, lack of transparency, superficial relationships, and lack of empathy masked in "performance focus" clothing, and she does that by bringing to light an interesting perspective: the problem isn't the corporation. The problem is the PEOPLE in the corporation. 

At the end of the day, whether you are the receptionist, manager, CEO, or the janitor, everyone is human. Everyone has emotions, needs, wants, strengths and weaknesses. 

And therein also lies hope: because we are human beings, we can change. We have what it takes to make a change in this mess of the corporate world we are in, beginning with ourselves. It isn't going to be easy, but it is possible.

 

After all, as Brene Brown highlights, courage IS contagious.

"The INFINITE GAME" by Simok Sinek

I read two books by Simon Sinek this year, and was contemplating whether "Start with WHY" was better that "The Infinite Game". 

Start with WHY has a stronger central theme, had powerful examples that resonated on many levels, and was delivered with strong, inspiring emotional impact.

But Infinite Game covered a larger spectrum, and brought more breadth to a topic which I found a lot more practical: how can we inculcate a culture of sustainable organizations, that think beyond "the long game"? 

From ideas and concepts such as Just Cause, Building Trusting Teams, Worthy Rivals, Existential Flexilibity, and the Courage to Lead The themes here are very powerful and I could apply them directly in my day to day life, including #thebarakaheffect podcast, the process engineering team I am leading, as well as even in my family role.

As usual, Simon Sinek brings 100% of his passion into his writing, and it's evident in his words (you can just imagine him SAYING these words in a ted talk). The only gripe I have is that some of the content has a tendency to feel a bit anecdotal, and not quite as grounded in research as other books in this genre.

What I found so fascinating about this book is to read it from an Islamic perspective, especially seerah (the lifetime of the Prophet). A lot of the ideas here resonate well with what the Prophet did in his establishment of the state and his companions.

But beyond that, looking at this idea from the lens of Islamic knowledge also raises an interesting existential question that opens up a huge door to explore even further: what exactly does Simon Sinek mean by "infinite"? And what would motivate anyone want to play the infinite game? You don't just go infinite for the sake of infinite.

It seems like such an abstract concept, and Islam has the clear answer: the infinite is the Akhirah (Hereafter). It is the pursuit of the hereafter - for eternal bliss in paradise - that is the ultimate "infinite game". 

And that's the big takeaway from this book, and why I feel it's *slightly* better than Start with WHY: Infinite Game opens a huge world of possibility to explore the theme even further from a Muslim perspective. 

“Be The Boss Everyone Wants to Work For" - William Gentry

To prepare myself for my newly assigned, oh-so-challenging role of a manager, I read a bunch of leadership/management books this year, all of which gave a lot of great stuff. Of all of these, this book brought a lot of unique tips, especially coming from the perspective of newly promoted managers, answering a very real challenge we face:

"Congratulations, you are now a new leader. Now what?"

The book's central theme is for us to "Flip the script". Here's quoting some of my favorite reality checks from the book:

Being a boss for the first time in your life is not as glamorous as everyone thinks. At times, it’s thankless.

You sometimes feel alone and lost. Doubt starts to creep in. You start second-guessing yourself. There are times you don’t feel very bright—maybe even feel like you’re on the verge of total failure. You feel no one really “gets” you and your situation.

But I do. I’ve felt all those things. But there’s the flip side as well. As a new leader, you can make a difference in the lives of others and your organization. You help people set, meet, and even exceed their goals and expectations. You can inspire others to greatness. That sense of a “win” when your team helps others, develops the next big innovative product, or lands that whale of a client is exhilarating. I know how valuable you can be to the people you lead and serve.

To be the boss everyone wants to work for, flip it: “It’s not about me anymore.” Flip your script from “me” to “we.” Flip from a “me mentality” to putting attention on “we” and “us.”

Make others—your staff, your team, the people you lead and serve—successful and help them fulfill their potential.

(End Quote)

I found these words highly inspiring and were certainly very helpful to get me through the difficult, thankless circumstances. One of my favorite tips in the book is to be "politically savvy" - to be aware of office politics, but never to take sides or fuel the fire, and always act authentically, honestly and in good will. I found this very in line with my values and principles, and I really appreciated the honesty of the approach 

Personal Favorite: “ATOMIC HABITS” by James Clear

This book is so ridiculously popular, that virtually anyone I know that has any interest in reading or self-development has either read the book or wants to read it. And the few that do, virtually all of them - even the most cynical - will testify that it's a good book.

Usually, when a book is so hyped, the skeptic in me, or the underground-inclined rebel within would just turn away from this "mainstream" stuff, determined to find a lesser-known better alternative.

But the hype is so crazy that I can't ignore it. With a ridiculously high rating on Amazon at 4.8 from 58 reviews, and consistently being on the Amazon's Non-Fiction Best Seller list for over 150 weeks.

Okay, you got my attention. (Click 'purchase').

(After reading). Fair enough. 

Of all the books I've read about the subject, this is the best one, hands down. It's a no-nonsense, no-filler guide about habits, and some really spot-on ideas about themes of productivity. Author James Clear does it in a way that is relatable, easy to understand, simple to implement and to teach others, all while illustrating real-life examples.

While Charles Duhigg's "Power of Habit" brought some interesting insights and revelations from research, Atomic Habits breaks it down to practicable themes, with some unique concepts that I think are really awesome, and explain so much about human behavior:

- What does the compounding effect of "1% a day" look like

- The Plateau of Latent Potential and the Valley of Disappointment

- Forget goals! Focus on SYSTEMS

- how habits shape identity (and vice versa): identity >> process >> outcomes. Emphasizing on identity-based habits, to let your values, principles and identity drive the feedback loop rather than the results 

- the practical ideas on the Laws of how to build good habits (make it obvious / attractive / easy /satisfying) and the opposite: the Laws of how to break habits (make it invisible / unattractive / difficult /unsatisfying) are so elegantly simple and practical, it almost gives you that "i know Kung Fu" confidence: you feel like you can immediately implement them and teach others.

The ideas here are so powerful that I took some of the concepts, packaged them, and shared it in a health talk in my organization this year titled "RESET Your Fitness Mindset & Habits" - and some of the tactics were also shared in The Barakah Effect podcast episode of "Breaking Bad Habits"

What is interesting here too, is that there is some room to enhance the ideas even further. Author James Clear emphasize that these habit tactics are designed "in a way that does not require heroic willpower and self-control". 

But in Islam, we do have the concept of Mujahadah (striving for the sake of Allah) and Sabr - all of which "willpower" are grounded in. So now, if these tips - even without willpower - can be so effective, imagine the potential we can achieve if we put willpower in the equation!

The book is a very easy read; no complicated technical jargon, with a nice, smooth flow to it, building on previous points without ever sounding repetitive, preachy, or redundant. 

Believe the hype. Go get this book. 

My ‘Paradigm shift’ award – “GRIT: The Power of Passion and Perseverance” by Angela Duckworth 

"Our potential is one thing. What we do with it is another"

I love any book that can constructively change or shape my paradigm of thinking, and Grit does just that. In 2020, the book "Mindset" by Carol Dweck sparked in me the concept of the growth mindset, taking into various applications in different fields. Grit seems like a natural progression of the concept, breaking it down further to more actionable steps to understand the components on how we can get onboard or stay on the trajectory of growth: Persistence and resilience.

I remember a quote from a Rocky movie years ago:

"It ain't about how hard you hit, it's about how you can get hit and keep moving forward"

I often wondered, how do we develop this? "Grit" sheds some light on that.

It starts off by challenging - and in fact deconstructing - the notion that the ingredients of success are built upon Talent, the age-old belief and bias in society. Instead, author Angela Duckworth, drawing from her research as an academician in Behavioral Science, real-world examples, as well as her own hands-on experience in her personal life on why, the number 1 ingredient of success isn't talent at all - it is effort. A sustained, stubborn perseverance and resilient to keep pushing amidst the failures, disappointments, frustrations, boredom, and mundanity along the way. 

"Passion for your work is a little bit of discovery, followed up by a lot of development, and then a lifetime of deepening "

And I resonate with this personally on so many levels. Never really being the A-tier student or been a prefect, I have always grown up to believe that I was destined to be "average": not "talented" in many things compared to my peers - sports, public speaking, or even in engineering, convinced that I just "don't have what it takes". 

Over the years, Alhamdulillah by the Grace of Allah, I have managed to overcome a lot of these self-limiting beliefs, but I never really understood the mechanics of "why" or "how". This book breaks it down and analyzes the components and makes it easily understandable, even shedding some light on some often-overlooked factors of why we so lazy and unmotivated, and why we lack grit in the things that we do.

The book even addresses a modern-day dilemma for parents today: how do we inculcate grit in our children, in this digital age of instant gratification? How can we train them to have resilience, without throwing them into the deep end or raising them on a farm or desert?

The author also has a very endearing, curiosity-centric writing style, as if she were a fellow student taking you across a journey of discovery everytime she encounters something odd, questioning past assumptions, including her own. It keeps the writing feel humanly grounded, humble and relatable, without getting into the geeky technicalities of her complex research.

There are portions where it feels a bit heavy and draggy in the middle, but for the most part, the book is full of wonderful insights and actionable ideas. 

”WRITE YOUR BOOK ON THE SIDE” by Hassan Osman

Sadly, in spite of the many great things about 2021, it also marks yet another year where I have not yet fulfilled my ambition of writing a book. 

This book is exactly what the title says it is: how to write a non-fiction book while you're working a full-time job. Which is exactly what I want.

It's one thing to inspire people to write a book, but it's another thing entirely to make them believe that they can write one. This book does the latter. It gave me a lot of hope that I can fulfill that ambition, if I really put my mind into it - and that is sufficient reason to be putting it on this list.

By breaking down practical steps on how to write a book - the author makes it seem so easy and do-able; not in a "make you feel bad for not writing a book" kind of way, but instead, he does it in a way that feels empowering and motivating, in a "just do it and don't overthink it" kind of way.

The author's context itself is inspiring: Hassan Osman is a full-time employee himself, working at CISCO and a fellow certified PMP like myself, plus on top of that, he is a family man with kids. And he talks about it, too: how he "finds time" to write amidst his busy-ness.

One thing I love is the book's length. At a concise 80 pages, you can easily read it in a couple of days (in fact, that's one of the advice that he also gives, keeping it short and sweet) - and all the chapters are straight to the point, no-nonsense hard practical tips that you can implement immediately, including how to title your book, how to easily publish them.

Don’t-judge-a-book-by-its-cover Award: “Overcoming your Childhood” – The School of Life

Don't be turned off by the awkward-looking, out-of-place title, completely i-dont-understand-what-this-is-trying-to-say cover picture, with no clear "author" in sight: This book was a mindblowing revelation to me.

This book talks about how our childhood has a major impact to who we are, especially by the people who raised us and spent time with us. 

And as the book itself addresses, it's a hard topic to talk about; we seldom "question" our own parents' parenting approach. We find it taboo to objectively "judge" how they raised their children, because they are the very people we should love and respect. Therefore "finding faults" in the way they raised us simply feels criminal. Also, we will find it difficult to accept that we are "broken" or "defective". We want to believe we are normal, 

While reflecting on my past and upbringing, reading this book made me understand myself better. It allowed me to selectively forgive and heal the uncomfortable aspects of my childhood, and most importantly, to be mindful of my own actions as a father, and how it can impact my child's upbringing. 

Most of all, it paints a mature, holistic picture of what it is to be human: many positive qualities with lots of flaws. It applies to us, as it does to everyone else: including our parents. 

The goal never was to be perfect; but to understand, forgive, try to rectify, or in some cases, even embrace those imperfections that make us human. Our childhood isn't a liability; it's simply a piece of our human character. 

The book is surprisingly very concise too, at only 95 pages in length, you dive head on into the subject without fillers. 

One thing though, I do feel that the book's occassionally complex language can be simplified further; the wordings do sometimes feel a bit difficult to grasp, and, being compiled by a pool of writers (School of Life) instead of a single authors, there are times where the impersonal, passive nature of the writing style feels a bit disconnected. 

Do check it out! I am sure everyone will make their own surprising discovery upon reading this book, and perhaps help you to heal and mature as a person. 

Biggest Unexpected Surprise: “TALK TO ALLAH – Finding Comfort by Making Du’a to Him” by Ayesha Syahira

Looking at the book's cover, one might think that this book looks very girly.

And after reading it, I can say that yes, it is very girly.

But it is also very, very good.

The one book that totally caught me by surprise in the best ways, in Talk to Allah, author Ayesha Syahira breaks down the concept of Du'aa (supplications to Allah) in such a simple, relatable, practical way, that convinces you that it is so easy to make du'aa, by TTA (talking to Allah)!

If there was one major thing the book excelled in, it made me feel that I should make more du'aa. In fact, the author was so convincingly passionate about it, that it made me feel the FOMO (fear of missing out) and made me feel guilty and kind of left out why am I not doing more TTA!

Interestingly, what makes the book so uniquely appealing and likeable - even to me - is its seemingly "girlish" style, which makes it so endearing. She writes with such a raw honesty about her relationship with Allah from a du'aa perspective, including her private thoughts, that it almost makes me feel guilty as if I'm reading someone's personal journal about the love of her life, or I am sleazily eavesdropping a conversation between lovebirds, like how parents used to switch on the speakerphone on the other side of the line. 

But strangely enough, therein lies the beauty of it - the One she loves is the One Whom we ALL should be Loving: Allah!

And so with her honest writing, this book goes one step further and does something unthinkable: it made me - in a good way - feel jealous that she loves Allah so much! 

I admit, that is such a strange feeling and oh-so-awkward to admit. But at the same time, it's inspiring because her writings inspire the reader feel hope that we too can achieve that.

She blends in the subjects of du'aa, tauhid, tawakkul, qadr in a way that is very easily practically understood for the average Muslim, in a way that I wish were taught to Muslim youth today, especially in schools, and especially so in a cultural tradition where we seemed to have overcomplicated this very noble act of worship in conversing with our Creator and Lord.

Beyond that, the author also takes extra care to verify the authenticity of her content, in fact at multiple times passionately inviting readers to seek authentic knowledge. 

There are parts that might seem repetitive at times, and though the content authenticity is excellent and well-grounded in Quran and Sunnah (to the best of my knowledge), some daleel (evidences) and references are skipped, perhaps in favor of simplification and keeping the narrative easier to follow, though I also can appreciate the conversational-style tone that lends it a very strong sense of accesssibility to the average layman Muslim, instead of a technical academic discourse about du'aa. 

This book made it to MPH's #1 best-seller list, and it's easy to see why. 

When I first started reading this book, I was expecting to say, "I can see why young girls would like this book."

But to my delight, I can confidently say, "I really like it too!". 

Check it out !

“TINY HABITS” by BJ FOGG

I read three books about habits this year - what can I say, I love the subject - and just when I thought I learnt everything there was to know about it, this book pops out of nowhere and just knocks you off your feet. 

I heard about BJ Fogg in a podcast interview, 

Being a behavioral scientist from Stanford, author BJ Fogg brings some really mindblowing insights and very practical ideas, drawing from real life experiences using very relatable and grounded examples. 

One of the best aspects of the book are the Fogg behavioral model (B = MAP), explaining the basics of motivation vs. ability, and how it factors in towards building or breaking habits. With this model, we can even go back to books like "Atomic Habits" or "Power of Habit" to reconcile where the tactics fit in this spectrum.

The author emphasizes a lot about the role of emotions – something Atomic Habits alluded to briefly, but here in Tiny Habits, it’s drilled in with so much emphasis, that I can see now why some school kids feel so inspired or demotivated just because of a teacher’s etiquettes, and why some children grow up emotionally mature with healthy self-esteem, purely because of their parents’ approach. Pretty big insights and revolutionary discoveries to me.

My only gripe about the book is that it tends to feel a bit repetitive. BJ Fogg writes in a style similar to a professional self-development course, building on previous chapters, re-emphasizing key points to ensure he drives the point home. But because he includes so many exercises, it makes it easy for the reader to even re-teach the subject or try it out, especially for coaches or mentors – in fact he makes it clear that he WANTS us to teach these concepts.

This lends a feeling of authenticity to the content, on how passionate he is about it and how much he believes in it.