Who is the Qur’an for, anyway?

 

Every now and then, I hear expressions by people who feel that they that whenever they are “slacking” from their relationship with Qur’an - they stopped memorizing, reciting and/or learning the Book of Allah - they then console themselves with the thought that “oh well, at least my child is memorizing”. Bagi sedap hati. Masha Allah, alhamdulillah. 

One time, I remember discussing with a friend the importance of memorizing Qur'an and the powerful, transformative impact it can have on our lives. His response? 

"okay. I will send my son to memorize Qur'an" 

But if this is our way of consoling ourselves, and the attitude of dismissing and delegating to our children, then it reveals a fundamental problem in understanding the purpose of the Qur’an: Who is the Qur’an for, anyway? 

If we feel complacent when our household has a relationship with the Qur’an, we are approaching the Qur’an as if it’s something you can outsource or “sub-conned” to another party. That as long as “somebody in my household” is doing it, then I’m okay. That’s like an unemployed person who puts no effort, giving the excuse that “it’s okay, at least my cousin’s got a job”. Or an overweight individual who refuses to exercise, but consoles himself by saying “well, at least my wife exercises”. 

Once you console yourself this way, then you have let yourself off the hook. You have refused responsibility and taking ownership for yourself. 

The Qur’an isn’t something you just subcon like an e-hailing app. The Qur’an was sent for YOU. Your guidance, your source of inspiration, motivation, comfort and development. Your source of barakah. Your means of success in dunya and akhirah. If you abandon it, you are only cheating yourself and depriving yourself from these blessings. 

If you really have been slacking off, it would be better to just humble yourself and admit, “you know what? I am slacking. I am doing a lousy job. And I dislike this state that I am in. And I genuinely want to put in the effort to improve, and I pray and beg Allah that He Helps me in this endeavor”. 

Don't need to get defensive, or justify our inaction. Use this healthy guilt to inspire you to step up and take action. Take the baby steps to improve. Reach out. Find a teacher or friend who can help you in Qur'an. Aim for Progress, not perfection. 

AND, on top of that, enrol your children to learn Qur'an at the same time. 

Yes, no doubt, that if someone else does good because of your guidance - i.e. you send your children or spouse to good Qur’an lessons or courses - then you do get that reward. Yes, there’s that, insha Allah.

But don’t let shaitan trick you into convincing yourself to justify your inaction or non-productivity by giving yourselves reasons to be even MORE inactive and unproductive!

Let's make the best of our lives - especially this coming Ramadhan - get back on track and renew our relationships with the Book of Allah. 

يَا أَيُّهَا النَّاسُ قَدْ جَاءَتْكُمْ مَوْعِظَةٌ مِنْ رَبِّكُمْ وَشِفَاءٌ لِمَا فِي الصُّدُورِ وَهُدًى وَرَحْمَةٌ لِلْمُؤْمِنِينَ

“O Mankind! There has come to you, good advice from your Lord,

And a healing for that (diseases) in your breasts;

A Guidance and a Mercy for those who believe” (Surah Yunus, 57)

Leadership discussion and COP with Senior Engineers: Being the Change we want to see

Recently, we organized an open discussion with the senior engineers in our department to have an open leadership conversation to share our challenges, and best practices as seniors. 

Recalling my previous years, one of the struggles I faced when I was promoted to senior engineer was, "what are my roles as a senior?"

How do I delegate tasks? How do I balance between "taichi" of washing my hands off from responsibility vs. "micromanaging" by being too overbearing?

How do I deal with juniors who refuse to share information or their work, out of fears that I will hog their glory?

And how about development? Am I expected to teach them? How do I draw the line between "spoon-feeding" versus "hands off"? Can I just use the "sink of swim" philosophy and refuse to teach them, out of the excuse of letting them "develop faster"? 

I'm still learning myself - I'm not qualified to teach or to coach. But I'm "expected" to; Now what?! 

Perhaps, should I start adopting "grumpy old man" sentiments: Are these "new generation" of people so manja that they need us to hold their hands?

How do I manage my OWN deliverables, capability development and performance, on top of all this supervision burdens? 

These were not easy questions, and none of them have straightforward solutions. No one provides coaching or training - so you kind of have to figure it out, through a constant battle of trial and error. Sometimes, I had some success (or at least I'd like to think so), and sometimes, I fell flat on my face, messed up bigtime. 

I knew that if I had to go through these struggles, I'm sure there are others who are going through the same. And we can't leave it up to chance or the person's individual capacity to just "figure it out" and expect to magically have quality leaders. 

I told myself, one day, if I ever be a manager, I would put in focused effort to facilitate the guidance & development of future leaders.

Provide the soft skills guidance I never had (and I wish I did). Be the change I've always wanted to see. 

Well, that day has come. Time to walk the talk. 

Hence we organized this session to discuss and iron out these challenges. But the plot twist was to do it as a team, not just individual 1-on-1. Create a community of practice to hear and learn from each other. Admittedly, I was super nervous at the idea, not knowing how it would turn out. Would it backfire and turn into a townhall mob? Would the seniors protest out of frustration of adding up more responsibility to an already heavy workload? 

To my delight, the session went really well. Many of them shared some really good insights; some of the challenges they faced, and how they developed the courage to delegate and collaborate, without the awkwardness of competing with each other. 

Some of my favorite highlights I heard from the team:

1. Delegation mindset: "if i micromanage the calculations / simulations, i am robbing the juniors from the opportunity to learn & do"

2. "Kita semua cari makan. Tak payah nak selfish" - Early on, discuss what is the expectations towards each other. Clear roles what to do. Mutually agree, who leads what, who claims what in performance appraisals. Be proactive; don't just wait for management directions. 

3. Keep up a regular and consistent (e.g. weekly) habit of communicating with each other to build trust: To know each other better to understand their strengths, gaps, and capabilities so you can comfortably delegate.

4. Learn from our juniors too! Everyone has their own strengths

5. Allow them to opportunities to lead presentations (even our own tasks), while actively supporting them if they receive questions: this builds self-confidence AND trust with us, knowing they are supported.

A major lesson here is that Rank equals responsibility. When we chase that promotion, we cannot just think of our own selfish needs. As you rise, more people will depend on you. And it's up to you to take responsibility and step up. 

You don't automatically become better leaders by rising up in ranks. Or else you will be repeating the same mistakes, only at higher ranks. You need to make a conscious choice to improve, to change, and to make a difference - not just repeat the cycle. 

I learnt a lot from the session, and I'm glad everyone had that safe space to share these practices, to listen and learn from each other. 

I don't know how effective it will be down the road, but  I would like to think - and hope - that we have planted a small seed towards crafting a better tomorrow, insha Allah. 

The Prophet ﷺ said,

"Each of you is like a shepherd, and each of you is responsible - and will be questioned - for your flock. 

A leader is responsible for his people - and he will be questioned about them." (Al-Bukhari)

Muawiyah finds a friend at the Masjid

 

Muawiyah finds a friend at the Masjid 

Masha Allah, so nice to see Muawiyah making new friends; completely beyond our expectations of this otherwise very introverted and shy little man.

Since he was an infant (~20 months old), we decided to bring Muawiyah to the masjid every day. Of course, at this age, he doesn't actually pray, so initially, the intent was to get him used to listening to Qur'an, to get accustomed to the mosque environment so that it would be easier to transition starting prayer, to build a habit of spending quality time with Abah. And as an added bonus: to allow some "me-time" for ibu to spend at home as I take him. 

Over the years, now that he is 4, I started observing a greater benefit, of bringing him to the masjid: associating positive childhood emotions with religion. With Islam. 

To craft a childhood experience that allows him to grow up learning that prayers aren't a chore, or a burden. Instead, the masjid is an awesome place to go, and that prayers can be a pleasant, even fun daily actiivity.

Trips to the masjid becomes an exciting opportunity to play with Abah: to piggy ride, chase each other and play hide and seek. To play with some random cats. To freely run around without being scolded (Alhamdulillah for such tolerant jemaah here in Miri). And now, make friends with other bois!

These small experiences might not seem very significant in the moment. But day by day, these positive experience pile up for the child, and it is with these, they eventually create childhood memories of a place he will remember being fond of. It's kind of like that "1% better" philosophy of consistency, with childhood emotions.

These days, every time I go, I give him a choice: "Muawiyah, do you want to follow Abah to the masjid?"

95% of the time, he says yes. In fact, it's such an emphatic, strong and decisive "yes", that we can use that as an excuse to get him to take a bath or brush his teeth, as a condition to follow Abah. Masha Allah, what a blessing, Allahumma barik. 

الحمد لله الذي بنعمته تتم الصالحات 

Here is looking forward and hoping more fathers bring their little ones more frequently the houses of Allah.

May Allah make our children the coolness of our eyes, and to love Allah and His Masajid

Value of True Integrity

When Umar ibn Al-Khattab was a caliph, he had a habit of going around at night in disguise to see if anybody needed help. One night, he overheard a conversation between a young lady and her mother. The mother was telling her daughter to mix milk with water and sell it in the market. 

The daughter reminded her that Caliph ʿUmar had prohibited such practices. The mother said, “ʿUmar cannot see you.” 

To which the daughter replied, “But the Lord of ʿUmar can.” 

ʿUmar was so impressed by this reply that he asked his servant to find out who that young lady was. When he learned more about her, he approached her with an offer to marry his son ʿĀṣim. She accepted the offer, and they married. From this marriage, they were gifted with a daughter by the name of Layla, who was the mother of the great legendary caliph, Umar ibn Abdul Aziz, whom people widely regard as the fifth righteous caliph (khulafa ar-rashidun). 

It is narrated that later ʿUmar had a dream, after which he used to say, “I wish I knew the man from my descendants, with a scar on his face, who will fill the earth with justice, just as it was full of injustice and oppression.” (Ref: Siyar Al-A'lam an-Nubala, Adz-Dzahabi, vol 5, p122) 

Many Muslim historians claim that the just ruler ʿUmar saw in his dream was actually ʿUmar bin Abdul Aziz. 

There are many profound life lessons we can derive from this story:

True Integrity: From this conversation, Umar immediately proposed to marry her off to his son, Asim. Why such a big life decision, on the basis of this short interaction? What about other aspects of this woman - her character, her worship, and so on?

On the surface, it might seem as if Umar went on a limb and took a bit of a "gamble" here, right? 

But no, this isn't the random actions of a rash individual. This was a deliberate, concise decision from the wisdom of one of the wisest, most righteous and knowledgeable companions of the Prophet ﷺ. 

Let's look at the circumstances this lady was in. She was in a seemingly isolated situation, with (what she thought had) no other witnesses in sight other than her own mother - who, in this case, also kind of acted as her manager and boss. 

She could have taken the "yes-man" approach and comply with her mother under the pretext of "obedience to parents", especially with the assurance that she won't get caught. It would have been the easy and convenient thing to do, and she would have had some "solid justification" too. And by the way, how many of us do this? Commit injustice, wrong or unethical decisions on the basis of "just following orders", "menurut perintah", "arahan dari atas"?

Yet she refused. It would be an unpopular and risky personal decision, one that would surely cause more inconvenience and hardship to her family - not to mention potentially jeopardize her relationship with her mother. But she made it clear that the basis of her decision, this seemingly act of defiance, was out of knowing full well that she will be accountable for her deeds on the Day of Judgment - and even she can hide from the caliph, she will never be able to hide from Allah. 

This accountability and watchfulness - Taqwa - is the true basis of integrity. To do the right thing when no one is watching. A far cry from the modern perception today that many people have: "as long as you don't get caught"

Umar deduced that, if a person could have the integrity to make the courageous decision to stand by her principles as her guiding compass for the courage to small decision of cheating for a few extra dirhams, then she would surely have the integrity for bigger, more important decisions in life. 

Decisions she would make as a wife, as a mother: with this end in mind. No matter how difficult or comfortable things get, taqwa will always be her guide, to govern her actions, her character, her worship. 

This is someone you can trust, and therefore someone you'd want to have in your household. 

This is why Umar married her off to his son. It was a rare quality then. It still is a rare quality today. If you find these rare amazing people, seize them. Hold on to them. They will be your friends in dunya and hereafter. 

May Allah make us and our families among the people of taqwa. 

Finally, this also teaches us about the barakah of righteous parents. Sometimes, the fruits behind our decisions actions won't be observed immediately. You never know when the barakah will come in. In this case, the ripple effects of this one decision came decades after Umar's death - in the form of his righteous grandson, Umar ibn Abdul Aziz!

And one last thing; a special message to the single guys and gals out there. Did this lady refuse to cheat, out of the intention of finding a spouse, let alone getting married to the son of the caliph? No. She did it out of taqwa. But from that one decision, Allah opened the doors of barakah in ways she never imagined. 

As always, the lesson remains the same: Do the right thing, with ikhlas. Leave the rest to Allah.

Nurturing Grit and courage in our children towards challenging tasks

Scary scene? 🙈

In our beach visit yesterday, our 4-yr Muawiyah developed confidence to climb the rocks with minimal supervision. Here's what I've learnt on nurturing Grit and courage:

1. Presence - Show them support without being overbearing and supervising every move. Be there just enough to Let them feel our presence, that provides assurance they are supported and we are there for them. 

2. Guidance - what I've learnt is, best to lead with actions, less with words. In this case, it's for me to first show Muawiyah what "safe climbing" looks like. Since boys like to compete, it's important that we express the virtue of care / safety, not speed. You dont have to give instructions for the whole task, just enough for them to take the next step. Then, let them figure it out. Provide the broad strokes, let them fill in the blanks.  

3. From start to finish, make it fun. The best way to cement any learning process - from reading, speech,  Qur'an, house chores, to prayers - is by affirming it with positive emotions. Celebrate their little wins: High fives, expressions of excitement such as "Awesome, little man!", "good try!" or "I knew you could do it!" are little positive habits that can help form an encouraging and enjoyable learning environment. 

4. Give them room to make mistakes - and don't nag if they do. Nagging only causes distress, and suppresses their desire for further attempts or to challenge their limits. Instead, debrief them respectfully about why this action causes that consequence, let them learn. 

5. Beware of distractions - At one point, the sight of some nearby teenagers made him nervous & rushed, almost falling as a result. Kids get distracted easily, and can cause them to lose focus and potentially getting hurt. 

6. Trust, respect and show confidence in their learning ability. Refrain from mocking, making fun , or laughing at his attempts, (no matter how irresistibly adorable it can be😅) 

After a few successful attempts, when I saw he had the confidence to do it by himself, then I allow him to go in front to take the lead, while I secretly took his video 🤓

What is the meaning and/or significance of these writings on masjid walls?

 

As a child, whenever I walk into Masjids, I have often wondered: What is the significance of these writings on the walls? And why are they so hard to read?!

The answer people always give me is that they just tell me nonchantly, "oh that's just Qur'an". But why these ayat? What is the significance? Do they have some special meaning or blessings to be recited, that they deserve a special place on the masjid walls?

Just like most of my experience in my childhood years of studying Islam, I never really got satisfactory answers.

Until now, Alhamdulillah. After understanding a bit more of Qur'an, and also thanks to technology of search engine in Qur'an apps, I now have the answers: basically, these are just a variety of different ayaat (verses) of the Qur'an - not necessarily complete ayat, mind you - all of which are selected that contain concise, powerful short messages that serves as reminders every time we set foot in the masjid. There are no additional "spiritual" significance in a sense that they don' t provide "protective barrier" , as some Muslims might believe. 

From this masjid (Masjid Al-Syifa @ Bandar Penawar, Johor), this is what I gathered:

A. A call to Unity upon our common principles

وَاعْتَصِمُوا بِحَبْلِ اللَّهِ جَمِيعًا وَلَا تَفَرَّقُوا

And hold fast, all of you together, to the Rope of Allah (i.e. this Quran), and be not divided among yourselves (Surah Ali Imran, 4:103)

B. Establishment of prayer times

إِنَّ الصَّلَاةَ كَانَتْ عَلَى الْمُؤْمِنِينَ كِتَابًا مَّوْقُوتًا

"Verily, the prayer is enjoined on the believers at fixed times." (Surah An-Nisa, 4:103)

C. Among the most Beautiful Attributes of Allah (side note: there is a scholarly opinion that considers أَرْحَمُ الرَّاحِمِينَ as the Greatest Name of Allah)  

 فَاللَّهُ خَيْرٌ حَافِظًا وَهُوَ أَرْحَمُ الرَّاحِمِينَ

"And Allah is the Best of Guardians, and He is the Most Merciful of those who show mercy." (Surah Yusuf, 12:64)

D. Reminder for remembrance and gratitude

فَاذْكُرُونِي أَذْكُرْكُمْ وَاشْكُرُوا لِي وَلَا تَكْفُرُونِ

"Therefore, remember Me, and I will remember you, and be grateful to Me, and never be ungrateful to Me." (Surah Al-Baqarah, 2:152)

E. The blessings of Guidance

وَهُدُوا إِلَى الطَّيِّبِ مِنَ الْقَوْلِ وَهُدُوا إِلَىٰ صِرَاطِ الْحَمِيدِ

"And they are guided (in this world) unto goodly speech and they are guided to the Path of Him, Who is Worthy of all praises." (Surah Al-Hajj, 22:24)

Really powerful stuff, masha Allah! 

One childhood question remains, though: Why do they make it so difficult to read? Personally, I find it frustrating that they put so much effort to make it so decorative to the point of being unreadable, that they might have lost the plot altogether. Form over function. As a result, many of us just end up casually dismissing these pretty caligraphy as "wall art". The irony is sometimes graffiti on murals are easier to understand its subtext compared to overly decorative Quranic writings. 

If these are meant to be reminders, they should be clear to us, not force me to squint my eyes and search my Qur'an software. And alang2 tu, since Malaysians are collectively so poor in Arabic (myself included), just put up the translations so we can benefit from them. Function over form. That's my jam. 

But hey, that's just my opinion. What do you guys think? Share your thoughts!