وَعِظْهُمْ وَقُلْ لَهُمْ فِي أَنْفُسِهِمْ قَوْلًا بَلِيغًا
“Admonish them and speak to them an effective word to reach their inner selves” (Surah An-Nisa 4: verse 63)
1. Give the people what they need in the way that they want (Mufti Menk)
As speakers, you want to get a certain message across – sometimes that message is particularly difficult to accept, or painful for some individuals to receive. It’s just human nature, sometimes people find it difficult to accept direct feedback. But you still need to give it.
So what you need to do, is to repackage the essential message in a way that can be digestible for the person. It’s like, when I want to feed a person with onions when I know he hates it. If I serve him onions, he won’t like it. So what I do, is I make a beef pie, something he likes, I put the onions in between the meat. Then I serve him the meat pie. I still got him to eat onions, but served through that he likes.
Likewise, when you present your advice/speech to others, when you know there are things which may appear as “sensitive” to them – like advising regarding the wrongdoings that they do or the obligations they did not perform – try and ‘re-package’ it in such a way that it won’t hit them in the face directly and hence send them in a state of shock which will probably end up in bad blood between you and that person.
Maybe tell a story about a person you know, create a parable or metaphor, consult the person for advice on dealing with a certain somebody (when in fact it is about that person), package it with good old-fashioned humour. Be strategic and thoughtful about your approach.
2. Use jokes as a tool to get the message across – but not the objective of the talk altogether (Mufti Menk)
Humour is a useful tool to lighten things up so people will be more receptive to the messages to come; plus it’s a good energizer between messages to get people’s thinking capacity powered up back again.
But at the same time, balance it out and make sure it’s only a tool and a means, NOT the goal. Sometimes some speakers get too caught up in ‘winning the audience’, that at times it may seem like the jokes are promoting the speaker and not the content/subject itself, which is a mistake. Sometimes overdone humour can also downplay the seriousness of a subject matter, which in the case of religious speech, advice or lectures, can lead to the subject being mocked or not taken seriously; and makes one wonder what added value the speaker is trying to do.
So use humour as a tool to get the MESSAGE across, and nothing more.
3. Practice by Relating with Children : the toughest critics (Abdul Raheem Green)
Relate to little children. Tell them stories, stories of the Prophets, stories of the companions, whatever.
Children are the most brutally honest critics ever – if they get bored, you’ll immediately be able to tell from their faces. If they like you, they won’t take their eyes and ears off you. If you ask them how well you did, unlike most sensitive adults, children will be able to tell you a straight up answer. And if you caught their attention, you know you’ve achieved something.
Leading Halaqaat and lessons are good and all, but you are addressing a mature, adult audience, who want the knowledge. They will probably focus on the content more than the actual delivery style, and will listen to you even if you’re bad or boring. So they’ll never give you the feedback you need to improve as a speaker.
4. Make du’aa (sincere prayers) to Allah to make it easy for you
When Musa was about to confront Fir’awn – history’s worst tyrant – he made a powerful du’aa to Allah to help ease his burden and lighten his tongue for speech.
As a human being, he also would feel nervous at this heavy affair of confronting this world-class tyrant in public; he too, still made Du’aa to Allah. If this was the case of a Messenger of Allah – in fact amongst the best of them, knowing for a fact that he will be helped by Allah for supporting His Cause – then what does this speak of us, regarding the necessity for du’aa?
قَالَ رَبِّ اشْرَحْ لِي صَدْرِي ﴿٢٥﴾ وَيَسِّرْ لِي أَمْرِي ﴿٢٦﴾ وَاحْلُلْ عُقْدَةً مِنْ لِسَانِي ﴿٢٧﴾ يَفْقَهُوا قَوْلِي ﴿٢٨
“(Musa) said: “My Lord, expand for me my breast,
And ease for me my task,
And untie the knot from my tongue,
(so that) they may understand my speech” (Surah Ta-Ha 20:25-29)
5. Believe in your speech and be affected by it (Al-Bugha and Mistu)
In this way, he can transform that feeling to his listeners and convince them of what he is saying; his expression will bear his conviction in his words. This was the case with the Prophet Muhammad, whose face and overall demeanor would change when giving a speech. When delivering a speech/khutbah/sermon, he would be like a person earnestly warning people about an invading army.
6. Clear your heart of disease and filth (Al-Bugha and Mistu)
Speech that is coming from a pure and sincere heart will flow over to the listeners. Many times, believers can pick up the falseness of a person’s heart when he speaks - if he is a sinner himself or is guilty of diseases of the heart (e.g. arrogance, envy, greed, obsession of dunya, riyaa).
The tabi’ee al-Hasan al-Basri once heard a speaker in the mosque whose speech had no effect on al-Hasan. Afterwards, he went to the speaker and told him,
“There is either a disease in your heart or in my heart”
7. Follow up your speech by action (Al-Bugha and Mistu)
In general, the people who listen to his speech will watch his deeds. If his deeds do not correspond to his words, it is a sign that he does not believe in his own words of he was just trying to fool the audience.
May Allah bless all our efforts and make us amongst those who are effective at speaking and at conveying sincere advice to others. Amin
#theStraightPath
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