It's a wrap! #TSP2021 #BeSteadfast

 

Alhamdulillah 

الحمد لله الذي بنعمته تتم الصالحات
With that, we end The Straight Path Convention  2021, "Be Steadfast".
Alhamdulillah I am very grateful once again to be given the opportunity to contribute to this event once again, and to interact with these amazing people, Masha Allah.
Some say "you're always the MC", but I never take that for granted; I take every opportunity as if it were my last and give it my highest level of professional commitment to play my part to the extent of my abilities, for the event to be a success.

This year's convention - the first time ever done online - was an interesting learning experience for me, personally, too.

With Emcee-ing from home, comes the typical challenge of #WorkingFromHome - in two of the talks, my 3-year old boi was screaming "nak abah" and in one instance, I had to calm him down and slowly put him to sleep and tuck him into bed, *just in time* for Q&A. (Sounds like another typical day at the virtual office, innit? 🤣).
But Alhamdulillah for the great ni'mah of our families, and Alhamdulillah all crises were successfully averted without disruptions to the event😅.

I really enjoyed the Q&A format for this online convention - there was a lot more closeness to the shuyukh / speakers to have great personal dialogues with them. TSP forums typically have all the speakers gathered in one sitting, where we address the collected questions and randomly assigned which speaker should assign them. With this convention, the questions were a lot more focused and related to the topics, and there was a lot more human touch and connection in the one-on-one approach.

One of the things I remind myself to do as MC is to create a warm and welcoming atmosphere to the shuyukh and speakers, to make them feel like they have established a genuine connection with us. I always believed that these short interactions  plays an important role in facilitating the success of the event, when they are comfortable to impart their knowledge to us, and leaves a memorable mark on them for years to come 😊.

For those of you who tuned it, please do share your feedback and thoughts on what you thought of the event, and on my own personal performance as Emcee in the spirit of continuous improvement.

May Allah accept from the organizers and the team who made this first-time online event a success. Allahumma barik.

Exercise in the morning: A Keystone Habit routine that transformed my life

 

In his book “The Power of Habit”, Charles Duhigg talks about how certain types of habits – especially good ones – are so important that they can trigger and open up opportunities for other subsequent other habits to go along with it, akin to a snowball effect that eventually builds up to be an avalanche of other things to come. These are called “Keystone habits”: they start a process that, in the author's words, "over time, transforms everything":

“Keystone habits explain how Michael Phelps became Olympic champion and why some college students outperform their peers. They describe why some people, after years of trying, suddenly lose forty pounds while becoming more productive at work and still getting home in time for dinner with their kids” (End Quote).

Of all keystone habits, the author writes, “for many people, exercise is a keystone habit that triggers widespread change”.

And that’s exactly what happened to me.

For the past 5 years, exercise has been a part of my daily morning routine after Subuh prayers, almost every day of the week. Whether on business trip, offshore, vacation (even while on umrah trip), during MCO lockdown or throughout Ramadhan – I make it a priority commitment to remain consistent at it.

Little did I know, that this little routine has been a keystone habit that transformed my life in many ways. This is how:

1. Kickstart the day with a positive outlook & feeling of awesomeness – Exercising and working out often involves “challenging your personal limits”; and there is something infinitely satisfying about confronting those limits head-on: to beat your personal best times, break through your max reps, increase more weights, and/or higher distance. You start your day knowing that you’re just *that bit* better than yesterday, and you subconsciously convince yourself with just that bit more empowerment: if I can defeat my own procrastination, physical limitations, and excuses, I can handle anything easier than that!

And this kind of self-confidence makes me more motivated, focused and productive at work, and at the same time, a much more effective father and husband at home.

2. One achievement ticked off the box – Even if my day ahead turns out to be one of those sluggish, unproductive or stressful days, at the end, I still have this one “win” to celebrate with respect to my personal development. In the long run, these accumulated daily achievements (especially when we witness the results later) does wonders for improving our mental and emotional health.

Looking back, there's an empowering sense of development, almost like there is a video game RPG-like sense of "level up" progression. From "not even able to do 2 pushups" to be able to whip out a full set of one-handed pushups. From not being able to do a single Pull-up (a task I considered "impossible") to be doing full sets of them, there is a genuine sense of personal growth.

3. Improved hydration – Many of us underestimate the importance of hydration. In his book “Superlife”, author Darin Olien says, “A lack of water causes histamine production to increase, suppressing immune activity in the bone marrow, which is where we produce the white blood cells that digest and destroy cancer cells. Water deficit is the primary cause of many other disease symptoms too. Chronic pain, digestive distress, migraines, depression—all may be attributed at least partly to a lack of cellular hydration. The same is true for all the degenerative diseases.” (End Quote)

For me, exercise facilitates a much-improved hydration in my day-to-day life, especially during a busy work schedule when we “forget” to drink water. A typical intensive workout can easily get me to drinking over 2 litres of water by the end; a good chunk of our daily recommended intake, ticked off first thing in the morning!

4. Learning – every time I exercise, I make it a point to listen to a good podcast or lecture, which gives me a boost of inspiration and knowledge to kickstart the day. Admittedly, it isn’t the easiest or most conducive method of learning during intensive workouts, but I am still able to pick up a thing or two, or at least discover a trail that leads me down a deeper learning trail for later. Starting your day off with enlightenment always brings an empowering sense of purpose throughout the rest of the day.

It is also worth noting that in the long run, exercise apparently INCREASES your brain’s capacity for learning. In his book “Spark: How exercise will improve the performance of your brain”, author Dr. John Ratey writes:
“Exercise improves learning on three levels: first, it optimizes your mindset to improve alertness, attention, and motivation; second, it prepares and encourages nerve cells to bind to one another, which is the cellular basis for logging in new information; and third, it spurs the development of new nerve cells from stem cells in the hippocampus”. (End Quote)

5. Eat better – as the saying goes, “You can’t out-exercise a bad diet”. As I’ve learnt in my years of obesity, without good eating habits, exercise alone – lots and lots of running – becomes virtually useless. With that newfound knowledge, exercise now kind of pushes me to be disciplined at eating better, knowing that bad eating habits can completely derail our exercise efforts.

6. Enjoy our food – interestingly, it works the other way around too: Exercise also enables me to enjoy food better. First of all, less feeling of “guilt” when that odd Oreo finds its way in. Just seeing that “calorie counter” (albeit an arguably inaccurate one) on our heart-rate monitor watches at the end of our workout, it brings a sense of satisfaction, knowing that you have some “buffer” to handle those sneaky little snacks. Also, after doing an intensive resistance training at the gym or a bodyweight workout, there’s a feeling of “hope” that your body will put those calories and protein to good use.

7. Improved sleep – last but not least, good exercise allows for a better quality sleep.

There are lots of other amazing benefits, I’m sure, but these alone are so amazing it’s changed my life, as an obese guy who struggled to fit into XL clothing.

If I can do it, so can you.

“If exercise could be packaged in a pill, it would be the single most widely prescribed and beneficial medicine in the nation!” (Dr. Robert Butler, former director, National Institute of Aging)

Let’s take care of this amanah – the only place we will ever call home – to be the best that it can be.
Our Prophet Muhammad ﷺ said: “Your body has a right over you” (Muslim)

And what better time than the mornings? These are the times of barakah, as our Prophet used to supplicate:

اللَّهُمَّ بَارِكْ لأُمَّتِي فِي بُكُورِهَا
“Oh Allah, bless my ummah (i.e. grant them barakah) in their mornings” (Abu Daud)

#TheBarakahEffect #KeystoneHabits #Exercise #morningroutine

Do people value your abilities, your rank, or you as a human being? - An existential perspective of self-worth

"Leadership is not about a title or a designation. It's about impact, influence and inspiration. Impact involves getting results, influence is about spreading the passion you have for your work, and you have to inspire team-mates and customers" (Robin Sharma)

You can judge a lot about a person by what people say about him when he departs. Or when one's rank, status, and authority are gone. 

In recent conversations with both my parents, they shared with us their observations that many high-ranking retired officials and “clients” tend to live with an entitlement mindset to expect people to respect them after retirement, and unfortunately how many of them still carry over their tendencies of arrogance and pride. Because they were some Dato or Tan Sri, they expect people to appoint them as some board director, chairman at the masjid, or community leader. 

Unfortunately, because they have been so mean with others throughout their career - especially those who have been serving as “clients” or “officials” who gave people a hard time - now nobody wants them around. All those people they stabbed and bridges they burnt to meet their KPI, get their promotion, win their projects, or to “look good in front of the VIPs”: now, the consequences are now catching up with them. 

So, when they retired from their rank, they retired from being relevant. 

I contrast that with the inspiring example of my grandfather, Mohamed Ali who passed away in 2013. It’s funny that I recall that back when we were little kids, well into his retirement years in his 70s, I remember accompanying him in the streets of Kota Bharu, Kelantan, and as kids, it used to annoy us that virtually every few minutes, some random person will meet him with genuine excitement and initiate conversations with him. 

One time, when he left his hometown to come to KL to spend time with us for some time, the people grew concerned of his absence at praying at the local masjid, to the extent that the Sultan of Kelantan (who was also his ex-student) out of concern one day asked the people after Subuh jemaah prayers, “mana cikgu saya?” (Where is my teacher?)

Now, I look back in amazement at the genuine love people had for him, despite being retired long ago! They weren’t paying respects to a teacher; they were greeting a man they loved and admired! Even after he passed away, many people would randomly approach my mother and proudly tell her that he/she was his ex-student. Amazing.

In the book "Enjoy your life", author Dr. Muhammad Al-Arifi narrates his personal observations of a police officer who was once greatly loved and respected while he was in office, but was completely abandoned by his friends and colleagues after retirement:

"I thought about comparing his situation while the man was working, (and now) that he had retired. What was it about him that had attracted the people then? I realised that the man did not win people over by his manners, kindness and good treatment of others. Rather, he had only attracted them by means of his status, position and the fact that he was well-connected. 

When he lost his position, he also lost the love people had for him.

Therefore, learn a lesson from this man. Deal with the people so skilfully that they love you for who you are and what you say, and for your smile, gentleness and generosity. They will love the fact that you overlook their faults and stand by them at times of hardship. Do not allow their hearts to be attached merely to your status and your purse!" (End Quote)

Do not place your self-worth on your job. Like all things in life, your job can come and go - an indeed, the recent economic turbulence due to COVID-19 proved it. 

The more important existential question is to ask yourself: what is your value to others as a human being? 

If we strip away all the superficial things about us:

- Our job title/position/authority

- Our money, bank account, clothings, houses and assets

- Our fame, following, social media accounts

- Our race and family lineage

- Our physical appearance

What is my value as a person? What is my worth in the sight of others? Do I still matter?

What efforts have I consciously done – or am I doing right now – to invest in others for their trust, respect, or love?

Think about how you are living your life today, and ask yourself: What will people - especially the good, righteous ones - say about me when I go?

A funeral procession passed in front of Prophet Muhammad (ﷺ) and the people praised the deceased man and spoke highly of him. The Prophet (ﷺ) said, "وَجَبَتْ" - "confirmed".

Then another funeral procession passed by and the people condemned this deceased man and spoke ill of him. The Prophet (ﷺ) said, وَجَبَتْ "confirmed"

The people asked Prophet Muhammad ﷺ , "O Allah's Messenger (ﷺ)! You said it has been affirmed for both?" 

The Prophet (ﷺ) said,

 

شَهَادَةُ الْقَوْمِ، الْمُؤْمِنُونَ شُهَدَاءُ اللَّهِ فِي الأَرْضِ

"The testimony of the people (is accepted), for the believers are the witnesses of Allah on Earth." (Al-Bukhari)

An Arab poet said,

“O son of Adam, when you came into this world, you were crying and people around you were smiling in happiness.

Live your live such that, when you leave this world, you are smiling in happiness, and people around you are crying”

#YourLegacy #TheBarakahEffect 

Effective Teamwork in the Family: Communicate what is important to you and your expectations, especially where you need help, support, and understanding.

 

This is one tip I highly recommend, especially fellow parents handling multiple responsibilities at home, and/or those living with their parents: Have transparent, clarifying conversations to tell them what you consider important.

In her book "Mindset", Psychologist Dr. Carol Dweck writes about practicing a Growth Mindset in our relationships: 

"Part of the low-effort belief is the idea that couples should be able to read each other's minds: We are like one. My partner should know what I think, feel, and need and I should know what y partner thinks, feels, and needs. 

But this is impossible. Mind reading instead of communicating inevitably backfires" 

And I think this is just so spot, especially in our oh-so-Malay culture of "faham faham lah" (and giving them the cold shoulder when they don't support us). Don’t just “assume” that “by right they should know how important it is to me” and to have that entitlement mindset that "they should support me" and just keep it bottled up. 

This is especially true for “extra” activities which are not your day job. Some of them include: 

- Seeking Knowledge / attending an online webinar or online course

- Exercise & Self-care

- Read a book, recite or memorize Qur'an

- Doing volunteering /charity work

- Time to relax, take an essential power nap to recharge

For me, that includes the weekly time I need to prepare for our weekly podcast at The Barakah Effect. I seek my wifey's support as I need the time to research, verify, script, rehearse (yes, we less-talented introverts need to do this), and time for the podcast itself. 

That also includes times of the year when my work tasks start piling up and require some understanding why I am less "functional" at home. 

Many of the tasks above can be considered as "high priority, low urgency", hence people in our household may not realize how important they are to you. They think it’s just an extra thing you do. So, tell them and be frank about it. 

When you have these conversations, there will be a few possible outcomes. Either they will:

1. Understand, give you space, and even wholeheartedly SUPPORT you. In the long run, this is in fact, a win-win for both ends, especially for righteous deeds, as the Prophet ﷺ said, "The one who prepares the fighter, has indeed (received the same reward as the one who) fought (on the battlefield)!" (Al-Bukhari); or

2. Negotiate a trade-off so you also provide space and/or support to what is important to them. Tit for tat. Great! Now you understand the "permit requirements"; or

3. Refuse to support, get upset, or just begrudgingly accept. Maybe they might even start giving sarcastic remarks, or complain about how you always spend time there, not enough time at home. 

Don’t despair; instead look at it from a Growth Mindset Perspective: This is good feedback! At least now you can have a conversation and more understanding of the relationship so that you can improve and have better negotiation leverage, moving forward. You know how your family members feel about it, and now they know how important these things are to you. 

Be patient. Remember, raising our family is a team effort and a long-term relationship #tiljannah. Besides, "No" doesn't mean "Never". It just means "Not yet" or "No as of today", due to current circumstances.

And of course, this works both ways, so be the change you wish to see: you also support your family members for what's important to them! 

Aim to play the long game: to collaborate and work together to help each other fulfill each other’s life goals, as a team! 😁

#TheBarakahEffect #CoolnessOfOurEyes #FamilyMan #Parenting #WorkFromHome

Time-Blocking your "Special Time" with your family members #CoolnessOfOurEyes #FamilyMan #Parenting #WorkFromHome #WifeyTime

 

One of the most common productivity tips that modern authors write about is "Time blocking". The idea behind it is to time-block the priority tasks in your life, and GUARD IT WITH YOUR DEAR LIFE: Commit to fulfilling it in the same way that you would if you have an important appointment with a VIP, or you would to catch a non-refundable overseas flight!

In the book, "The ONE Thing", author Gary Keller writes:

"Most people think there's never enough time to be successful, but there is when you block it. Time blocking is a very results-oriented way of viewing and using time. It is a way of making sure that what has to be done GETS done. 

Alexander Graham Bell said, “Concentrate all your thoughts upon the work at hand. The sun's rays do not burn until brought to a focus”. 

Time blocking harnesses your energy and centers it on your most important work. It is productivity's greatest power tool" (End Quote)

Awesome! Now, use this technique for the people most important to us: spending time with our FAMILY! 😍 

Especially under this working-from-home climate, when it becomes increasingly difficult to clearly distinguish the boundaries between work and everyday life. Now, more than ever, it’s important to make dedicated time-blocking to spend quality time with our loved ones, so we grow together and enjoy each other’s company, instead of dreading the constant struggle of finding “balance” and having to fight the guilty feelings of pushing them aside when we are at our work desk. 

This is one of the best, most assuring techniques I learnt from the book "Positive Discipline": Ten minutes of special time, especially with young children. Author Jane Nelson writes:  

"Between the ages of two and six, children need at least ten minutes a day of special time that they can count on. Even more time is better, but you'll be surprised how magical it can be, even if ten minutes is all you can manage in your busy schedule." (End Quote)

And WAllahi, she is right! Just by taking a few minutes of focused, undivided time (WITHOUT being DISTRACTED by your mobile phone) and being truly present with your child, it has an amazing uplifting effect. And what I learnt in implementing this with my 3-year old son was that, sometimes it doesn't even take 10 minutes; just five minutes of storytelling or play can immediately elevate his mood just enough to boost his morale and encourage him to play by himself. 

I also loved the author's explanations behind the reasons that behind why special time is so encouraging: 

1. To give them a sense of belonging and significance when they can count on special time, to feel important to you. 

2. A reminder to you why you had children in the first place: to enjoy them!

3. Practically speaking, it is easier for them to accept how busy you are, when you say something like, "Sayang, Abah want to play with you too! But Abah's got work now, but i'm really looking forward to play with you after Abah is finished, k!"

I also learnt that, "later" is a very vague and ambiguous term which children have difficulty to grasp. Even if you were to tell them the special time at "6 o'clock", toddlers may find it difficult to comprehend without a clear perception of time. So what I do is, I map out the schedule: 

"Okay sayang, now Abah has got work, but after this during lunch time, abah have lunch with Muawiyah, then Muawiyah solat Zuhur together with Abah, then Abah got some work, then we solat Asar together, then abah got *a bit more* work, then Abah play with Muawiyah, OK?"

His response? 99% of the time, he says, "OKAY!" with a satisfied genuine smile on his face. 😁

When we treat our children with a feeling of respect and specialness, they reciprocate that. 

In fact, quite hilariously, our 3-year old Little Man has become a bit of a project planner himself. Now, if he wants to procrastinate things which he dislikes, such as taking a bath or brushing his teeth, he will map out his own sequence of events to procrastinate and prolong the inevitable: “Muawiyah nak play toys, and then nak makan, and then Abah Mandi, and then ibu mandi, and then Muawiyah mandi!” 😂

The more special time you invest in them, the more they will grow to respect our priority tasks, and hence more negotiation leverage you will have in the long run, and the more ownership you will have of others’ responsibilities to help each other. 

Though the book emphasizes special time with children, this is also applicable to other family members too: especially the wifey/hubby. Find ways to make Special Time for each other, even if it is a bit unconventional (e.g. going for a slow drive in circles just to have a conversation)!

May Allah make our families a coolness of our eyes, and may He make us a coolness of the eyes to our families too!

رَبَّنَا هَبْ لَنَا مِنْ أَزْوَاجِنَا وَذُرِّيَّاتِنَا قُرَّةَ أَعْيُنٍ وَاجْعَلْنَا لِلْمُتَّقِينَ إِمَامًا

“Our Lord! Bestow on us from our wives and our offspring who will be the comfort of our eyes, and make us leaders to the people of taqwa (righteousness and consciousness in Allah” (Al-Furqan 25:74)

Who You Truly Are: How you treat the people closest to you

Prophet Muhammad ﷺ said, 

“The best of you is the best to his family; and I am the best of you” (At-Tirmidzi)

It’s one thing to have a good character at the masjid, or at the workplace. Because people only interact with you for a limited duration or a limited window. 

But how you spend your time in your private moments - in the comfort of your own homes - now this reveals who you TRULY are. 

There is a very famous story about Umar bin Al-Khattab who wanted to appoint someone as a governor, and was asking, who can vouch for him?

A man stood up and said, “I will vouch for him, O' Ameer al-Mu 'mineen!” 

Umar asked, "Are you his neighbor?" He said, "No." He than" asked, 

"Did you mix with him for a day and come to know his character?" He said, "No." He asked next: 

"Did you travel with him, for traveling and being away from home reveal a man's true character?" He said, "No." 

Umar said: “So have you had (monetary) dealings with him involving dirhams and deenars, which will indicate his piety?”

The man said: ‘No.’

'Umar said, "Perhaps you just saw him in the-mosque, standing, sitting and praying?" He said, "Yes." 

Umar said: “Then you do not know him. Go away.”

Then he said to the man (who bore witness): “Bring me someone who knows you.” (Reported by Al-Bayhaqi)

Umar shows a very deep wisdom here. Don’t judge a man by what you see at the masjid. In fact, even a person you meet at the workplace is a limited interaction and a small snapshot of a person’s true character. It’s only when you travelled with someone, had business transactions with him, you live beside him as a neighbor, you really mix with him throughout the day, when you go through hardships and observe them in their private moments and how they spend their time, only then you can see aspects of their true character. 

But your role as a FAMILY MAN, especially in marriage – wherein we spend our most private lives and in fact the majority of our lives “behind closed doors” – has an even greater effect to expose your true self.

The true litmus test of any truly good person is when that person’s private persona is far better than what perceive on the surface in public.

With this in mind, there are two major hadith that really reinforce this for me: 

1. Hadith of Anas – Ten years serving the prophet, as a child.

2. Hadith by Ummu Salamah: the death of Abu Salamah

#1: Hadith of Anas

Anas ibn Malik narrated: I served the Prophet (ﷺ) in Madinah for ten years. I was a little boy. Every task assigned to me in which I did not fulfill accordingly, NEVER ONCE did he say to me any harsh words, nor did question me: “Why did you do this? or Why did you not do this?” (Abu Daud)

 

When I first came across this hadith, I always wondered to myself:

“Wow. Is this humanly achievable? Anas was only four years old – a toddler – when he first served the Prophet ﷺ fulltime. Observing my 3-year old son, and knowing how naughty I was as a boy, and I just couldn’t brain the idea: How on Earth can we raise children with discipline and compassion  – especially from the chaotic toddler age – without scolding them or spoiling them?”

But this really shows us the character of the Prophet. He was the BUSIEST person on the planet. You think your life is stressed, and you’re using that as an excuse to lash out at your children, well then how stressful do you think the Prophet’s life is? Dealing with hypocrites who are causing divisions amongst his followers, with the Quraysh invading him, with the Jews who could betray him at any time, all of this on top of his responsibility of leading an entire nation, to educate them about the final revelation as the last prophet of mankind. 

You think your job is tough, it’s NOTHING compared the Prophet. 

And yet Anas never got scolded by him. For TEN YEARS. How long can YOU GO without scolding your children? 1 week? 1 month? 

This really shows a compassionate and patient side of the Prophet; a side of him that us parents should

#2: Hadith by Ummu Salamah – the death of Abu Salamah

When she received news of the death of Abu Salamah, her husband, Ummu Salamah was instructed by the Prophet Muhammad ﷺ to say :

إِنَّا لِلَّهِ وَإِنَّا إِلَيْهِ رَاجِعُونَ اللَّهُمَّ أْجُرْنِي فِي مُصِيبَتِي وَأَخْلِفْ لِي خَيْرًا مِنْهَا

“Verily, to Allah we belong, and to Allah (Alone) we shall return –

Oh Allah, reward me for (being patient) in my calamity, and compensate/replace me with something better than it (what I have lost)”

 

Upon hearing this reaction, Ummu Salamah started to question: “and who is there amongst the Muslims who is better than Abu Salamah – whose household is amongst the first to emigrate to the Messenger of Allah ﷺ?

So (upon making the du’aa), Allah had replaced him with Rasulullah – the Prophet Muhammad ﷺ himself – as my husband. So Allah gave me better in exchange than him (Abu Salamah)” (Muslim)

 

I want to bring to our attention the Legendary response of Ummu Salamah : “And who is better than Abu Salamah?!”

She was convinced that her husband was the best husband ever – and despite being taught the du’aa by the Prophet himself, she started questioning in her mind: is there any way that someone can be better than Abu Salamah?

This person – Abu Salamah (radhiAllahu anhu) – is a true legend. 

My dear brothers, fellow husbands: If we were to die, would your wife perhaps think the same? Or perhaps they would think “FINALLY!”, “freedom!” or that “anyone is better than that guy!”?

The Prophet ﷺ said,

أَكْمَلُ الْمُؤْمِنِينَ إِيمَانًا أَحْسَنُهُمْ خُلُقًا وَخِيَارُكُمْ خِيَارُكُمْ لِنِسَائِهِمْ خُلُقًا

“The most perfect of believers are those who are best in their character – and the best of you are those who are best in character to their wives” (At-Tirmizi, ibn Majah)

Your wives represent those who are closest to you: who know you most intimately in your most private moments; in comparison to your colleagues, friends or even other family members who mostly know you in very limited contexts and environments. They have witnessed and thus know your true colors in situations of stress, anger, deprivation, exhaustion, and so much more. 

For a wife to be convinced that, in spite of knowing the true sides of that person, she still thinks highly of her husband, tells you something really substantial about that person – that there are sides to that person which are better than what you see on the surface, and that is the mark of a genuinely good person. A true man. Legend. The Man.

Remember: how you treat the people closest to you, is the true showcase of who you truly are as a person. The best of you are best towards his family.

“Who do you Love the most?” – A Leadership Lesson of Authenticity, compassion, and professionalism

What an awesome hadith! It kept me thinking: How many men today will openly admit and declare that they love their wife the most?

Abu Uthman narrated: 

The Messenger of Allah ﷺ assigned ‘Amr bin Al-Aas as the commander of the troops on the military expedition of Dzatus-Salasil. Amr bin Al-Aas said, “(On my return), I approached the Prophet ﷺ and asked, “Of all people, who do you love the most?”

The Prophet ﷺ responded, “Aisyah”. 

Amr then said, “(I mean) among the men”

The Prophet ﷺ said, “her father” (i.e. Abu Bakr As-Siddiq)

Amr asked, “and then whom?” 

The Prophet ﷺ responded, “Umar”

Amr said, “(As I continued inquiring), the Prophet continued mentioning the names of a number of men, and I decided to keep quiet out of fear that I might be the LEAST beloved amongst them!” (Narrated by Al-Bukhari). 

عَنْ أَبِي عُثْمَانَ، أَنَّ رَسُولَ اللَّهِ صلى الله عليه وسلم بَعَثَ عَمْرَو بْنَ الْعَاصِ عَلَى جَيْشِ ذَاتِ السَّلاَسِلِ قَالَ فَأَتَيْتُهُ فَقُلْتُ أَىُّ النَّاسِ أَحَبُّ إِلَيْكَ قَالَ ‏"‏ عَائِشَةُ ‏"‏‏.‏ قُلْتُ مِنَ الرِّجَالِ قَالَ ‏"‏ أَبُوهَا ‏"‏‏.‏ قُلْتُ ثُمَّ مَنْ قَالَ ‏"‏ عُمَرُ ‏"‏‏.‏ فَعَدَّ رِجَالاً فَسَكَتُّ مَخَافَةَ أَنْ يَجْعَلَنِي فِي آخِرِهِمْ‏

BACKGROUND: AMR BIN AL-AS (radhiAllahu anhu)

Amr bin Al-Aas was amongst the companions who embraced Islam towards the end of the life of the Prophet ﷺ, specifically during the time of the conquest of Makkah, embracing Islam together with Khalid ibn Al-Walid. He was a well-known Qurayshi nobleman who was very knowledgeable and skilled in leadership. 

Almost immediately after him embracing Islam, the Prophet appointed him as the military commander for the expedition of Dzatus-Salasil, leading three hundred from amongst the Muhajirin and Ansar. This gave the impression to Amr that the Prophet ﷺ had granted him a special favor as someone beloved to him ﷺ, as he observed that he was given command over some of the much senior companions of the Prophet ﷺ, and this made him very happy. 

When he returned from the military expedition, he happily approached the Prophet ﷺ, confident that he was clearly amongst the Prophet’s “favorite” people, thus triggering him to ask - as per thie hadith - “Who do you love the most?”, with the expectation that he was amongst the chosen few. 

Here are five interesting lessons we can obtain from this narration: 

1️⃣ Declaring you Love your wifey: A perspective in "Masculinity"

Upon being asked, the Prophet ﷺ responded without hestitation – in the presence of other men – that of all the people in the world, he loved his wife, A’isyah, the most. This is an interesting observation. Many married men today would hesitate to confess that they love their wives, fearing criticism, or looking “less macho” (“hek elehhh.. sayang bini…”). When here, the one who was described as the bravest of men, the one who would lead battles courageously by fighting on the front lines, would openly admit that he loves his wife.

 

What is also interesting was that when he was asked whom amongst the men, he didn’t even say the name Abu Bakr As-Siddiq, or even the obvious personal relationship they had even before Prophethood (i.e. my best friend): rather, he described Abu Bakr as “her father”: tying it back to A’isyah. 

2️⃣ Loving others for the sake of Allah #Bromance

The Prophet ﷺ affirmed his love for Abu Bakr and Umar. These days, it will be considered awkward or weird for men to admit that they love another person. Yet in Islam, if you really do Love another person for the sake of Allah, we SHOULD tell that person! The Prophet said, “إِذَا أَحَبَّ الرَّجُلُ أَخَاهُ فَلْيُخْبِرْهُ أَنَّهُ يُحِبُّهُ”  - “When a man loves his brother, let him inform his brother that he loves him” (Abu Daud, At-Tirmidzi).

Loving others for the sake of Allah is a MAJOR component of brotherhood in Islam, to which unfortunately many have neglected or forgotten. Among some of the virtues from the authentic hadith of the Prophet ﷺ, some of the virtues of loving others for the sake of Allah is: you will receive the shade of Allah on the Day of Judgment; this was called “the best of deeds” and to attain the sweetness of iman, by which he attains “perfect” faith; to be gathered with those whom we love on the Day of Judgment; and finally, the Prophet ﷺ describes that for those who love each other for the sake of Allah, that on that Day, they will have glowing faces, sitting on pulpits of light: who will be envied by even the prophets and the martyrs!

3️⃣ Emotional Intelligence: Treating others to make them feel special

The Prophet ﷺ used to treat his companions in such a way that everyone thought they were special to him ﷺ, to the  point that Amr bin Al-Aas – who wasn’t even the Prophet’s “top beloved companions”, would confidently feel that the Prophet ﷺ loved him the most! 

How many leaders today can GENUINELY treat everyone across the organizations – from the executives, leaders, security, gardeners and cleaners – to the point that they personally feel they are special?

4️⃣ The Quality of Leadership

This also shows that the Prophet ﷺ did not appoint Amr out of a special sense of favoritism. He ﷺ selected Amr out of recognizing Amr’s strong capability of leadership, despite only recently embracing Islam, to lead over many senior companions, some of whom were amongst the earliest to embrace Islam, 20 years prior to that! 

This is an important lesson in appointing leaders: Appointment of authority and leadership isn’t about personal preference, nor is it about seniority: it is based upon merits and capabilities to lead others. And although it can be honed and developed, Leadership is a rare ability that very few possess. 

Interestingly on this point, at the same time this doesn’t necessarily mean that those with leadership capabilities are DEFINITELY more superior to those without that capability in the sight of Allah. 

Here is an example: Abu Dzarr Al-Ghifari. He was a righteous companion and amongst the earliest to embrace Islam, yet when he requested the Prophet ﷺ to appoint him in a position of leadership, the Prophet ﷺ turned him down, honestly telling him, 

“O Abu Dzarr, you are weak (i.e. incapable and it is a position of public trust. Verily, on the Day of Resurrection it will only result in regret, except for one who takes it by right and fulfills its duties.” (Muslim). 

Yet at the same time, the Prophet ﷺ also said, “مَا أَقَلَّتِ الْغَبْرَاءُ وَلاَ أَظَلَّتِ الْخَضْرَاءُ مِنْ رَجُلٍ أَصْدَقَ لَهْجَةً مِنْ أَبِي ذَرٍّ” – “There is no one on earth, or under the sky, who is more truthful than Abu Dzarr.'" (Narrated by Ibn Majah and At-Tirmidzi). 

5️⃣ Recognizing specific talents, strengths and weaknesses

These points also alludes to another depth of the superb leadership of the Prophet ﷺ: he knew his companions very well, and therefore recognized the specific talents and gifts that they possessed, and hence was capable to handpick them for specific roles for them to capitalize on those strengths to thrive. 

How well do we know those within our teams/families/organization? How much effort do we put in to recognizing their talents and to provide a conducive environment to nurture their capabilities to become the best that they could be and fully actualize the potential within? 

And Allah Knows Best. 

#TheBarakahEffect

My first experience as an MC @ Mufti Menk Live in Kuala Lumpur (MMKL) 2012

 

Has it really been 9 years? 😱 #zamangemok

This photo brings back fond memories of my youth, as a major milestone in conquering my fears and stepping outside of my comfort zone.

I’m not going to bluff you with a heroic origin story of how it all happened. The real reason I stepped into the role MC was because there were no other tasks left 😂.

Back in the volunteering committee, everyone pretty much snatched up all the other duties - registration, security, ticketing, marketing, etc - and the only remaining vacancy was the task that people run away from: MC.

Back then, I remember thinking: “This happens at almost all events! We always struggle to find MC at the last minute. We always ‘taichee’ this tasks to interns and fresh grads. Come on gais, when can we have more young talent step up and be the MC we need?!”

Then it hit me: Okay Faisal, enough talk. Put your money where your mouth is. Stop whining, get up and be the change that you want to see. “Allah will not change the state of a people until they first change what is in themselves” (Qur’an, Surah Ar-Ra’d 13:11).

In the volunteers meeting one week before the event, I told the committee, “erm, I can try to be MC if you want”. At that moment, I immediately felt that everyone let out a huge sigh of relief and joy.
If the meeting was captured on DVD, I can imagine the subtitles saying “Hooray! Someone’s picking up the slack!” 😂

It was a terrifying step up for me. I never had any experience in public speaking or MC-ing as a student, save for a few volunteering events here and there among friends. Experts claim that up to 77% of the population has a fear and anxiety of public speaking, and that includes me!

It was such a simple job: Welcome the audience, introducing the organizers, a brief background about the speaker, a short teaser about the topic, introduce speaker, and that’s it, you’re done! After he speaks, there’s nothing much to say because people want to go home anyway.

Easy right? 5 minutes, at most. Just fake it till you make it. After these 5 minutes, walk off the stage in the most pretentiously calm way you can possibly imagine, and then go backstage, vomit and faint. No worries. You got this, mate.
But in my mind, I took the ownership to take this responsibility seriously. I felt, there was more at stake here: The MC serves as the ambassador for the event. This was Mufti Menk’s first time in Malaysia. I need to give a positive first impression of our country and to make him feel welcome as our guest. And because this was the first time Dakwah Corner Bookstore would invite an international speaker; I would also technically represent their brand. For some strange reason at the time, I also felt a responsibility to give a lasting first impression on behalf of the bearded Malay boys.

Needless to say, I felt like my neck was on the line here. If I botch this up, I don’t think I’ll ever go onstage again.

But I knew the good news: At least I could prepare for it. This is my chance to implement “ihsan” in my actions. And boy, did I prepare. I spent at least 5-6 hours preparing for it: scripting it, rehearsing a 5-minute script again and again. Memorizing the script to the point so well to the point that I could make it “sound” as if I’m being impromptu. Fake it in a way that doesn’t seem fake.

And then the moment came, I went onstage to deliver the longest, most nerve-wracking 5 minutes of my life.

The next year when Mufti Menk came again, they invited me again as MC. And the year after that. And the years after that too. Perhaps I didn’t mess it up too badly after all (either that, or they’re still out alternative options).
Now, 9 years later in hindsight, it was one of the best decisions I’ve made, one that would set me up on a journey of personal growth that would boost my personal AND professional life; it instilled a self-confidence that I didn’t know I was capable of and opened up more opportunities such as The Straight Path convention.

At times, just when we think we are uncapable of something, all we need is that extra “push” to jolt us out of our comfort zone for us to break out of our stubborn shell.

“I learned that courage was not the absence of fear, but the triumph over it. The brave man is not he who does not feel afraid, but he who conquers that fear.” (Nelson Mandela)

#FearofPublicSpeaking #TriumphOverFear #TheBarakahEffect