“The Best Leaders Are Great Teachers” - A reflection on the leadership habit of Prophet Muhammad ﷺ

I came across this article published by Harvard Business Review (HBR) written by Sydney Finkelstein in 2018. 

Having studied world-class business leaders for over a decade as a management professor, Finkelstein found that many of them have one thing in common that sets them apart from typical leaders: They make a point of personally imparting memorable, personalized instructions, via intensive one-on-one tutoring of their direct reports, either in person or virtually, in the course of daily work.

What I found so fascinating is how it almost perfectly describes the leadership sunnah of Our Prophet, Muhammad ﷺ! Quoting some excerpts of the article: 

✅ Exceptional leaders I studied were teachers through and through. They routinely spent time in the trenches with employees, passing on technical skills, general tactics, business principles, and life lessons. Their teaching was informal and organic, flowing out of the tasks at hand. And it had an unmistakable impact: Their teams and organizations were some of the highest-performing in their sectors.

✅ Cognitive psychologists, teachers, and educational consultants have long recognized the value of such personalized instruction: It fosters not just competence or compliance but mastery of skills and independence of thought and action.

✅ Most of the useful lessons fall into one of three major categories - 1) Professionalism and Ethics, 2) Technical Knowledge, and 3) Life Lessons and deeper wisdoms beyond work

✅ Great leaders don’t wait for the “perfect” opening. (They) often create teaching moments outside the office environment.

✅ Best-in-class educators embrace personalization, tailoring lessons and support to match students’ individual learning profiles. And great business leaders do the same thing. They know that each subordinate should be taught in a way that suits his or her particular needs, personality, and developmental trajectory.

✅ When you embrace the role of teacher, you build loyalty, turbocharge your team’s development, and drive superior business performance.

Now, read back the bullet points above and reflect that in light of the daily habits of the Prophet ﷺ throughout his lifetime. Allahu Akbar, it fits like a glove! He ﷺ would spend time with his companions, both in and out of the masjid in informal settings, whether it is inquiring them about their dreams, having regular informal conversations and actively listening to get to know them, even with younger companions while they share a riding animal with him. 

And that’s what made him such an effective leader ﷺ. Because he knew them on a very personal level, he was able to recognize his companion’s strengths and improvement areas and therefore provide very personalized advice. When one companion asked for advice, he ﷺ would say “don’t get angry”. When another companion asked the same thing, he ﷺ said “believe in Allah, and then remain steadfast”. For another companion, he ﷺ said “Always keep your tongue moist with the remembrance of Allah”.

And if we look to the narrations, we can see that in each interaction, he would make it a point to impart beneficial advice - whether it was advice about akhlaq (i.e. professionalism/ethics), fiqh (technical knowledge), or life lessons including marriage, and personal development.

As leaders within our own circles of influence, we all have to put in an active effort to share and teach. In addition to that, it’s also about cultivating strong inter-personal relationships so we can effectively prioritize how we can help others: that’s the key to Exceptional leadership. 

By doing so, we create a better team, organization, and at the same time force self-improvement as we push ourselves to be better - because after all, “to teach is to learn twice”. Frame the perspective that “work is ibadah”: what we teach to others, what we effectively help others to be better at their ibadah, all of this can be a legacy of good deeds that can carry on well after our departure, resignation, or retirement. 

Prophet Isa (Jesus) alayhissalam said,

وَجَعَلَنِي مُبَارَكًا أَيْنَ مَا كُنْتُ

“And He (Allah) has made me blessed (mubarak) where I may go” (Surah Maryam 19:31)

Why was Prophet Isa “blesssed”? What does this mean?

In the books of tafsir, the early scholars stated that this means, "And He made me a teacher of goodness”, “A person of great benefit”, and “commanding good and forbidding evil wherever he was”

This is how we become people of barakah at our workplace: by teaching and adding value to others. 

Apparently, as this article highlights, these seemingly simple habits are the key to exceptional transformative leadership. 

Quoting the conclusion of the article: 

“Teaching is not merely an “extra” for good managers; it’s an integral responsibility. If you’re not teaching, you’re not really leading.”

After all, our knowledge isn’t our right to hoard or keep to ourselves: It’s an amanah that will be questioned by Allah.

Complement, not compete - The "Jamaah" sustainability mindset in Da'wah

 

In the course Husnul Khatimah, a sister asked Sheikh Wael Mohamed Ibrahim  a question regarding some challenges she faced with her business, handling a restaurant.
Impressed with the positive things she had implemented, he straight up promoted her restaurant, to the point where he told the students that we have a collective responsibility to support her business and make it thrive.

And then I noticed a pattern. Every chance he gets, from questions, to side remarks, to related anecdotes, Sheikh would utilize every opportunity to promote local Islamic da'wah efforts and organizations, and highly encourage the students to link up with them in order to leverage, assist, collaborate and support their current efforts.
From Al Khaadem , to The Straight Path Convention , to Qalby APP , even our podcast The Barakah Effect . He gave room for Multiracial Reverted Muslims - MRM  to promote themselves for others who would like to up skill and find opportunities for da'wah. At one point he even told me personally, with 2 other Malaysian sisters, to stand up, introducing us to the class as Aware academy-certified coaches, informing the class that "at any time you need someone to talk to to guide you, talked to these guys." (no pressure 😅)

To me, this recurring pattern points to one often neglected, but super l important aspect of high aspirations in Da'wah: Sustainability.
He recognizes that as the guest for the event, his presence is only for a short duration. After he is gone, everything - the da'wah, the ilm, the pursuit for improvement, the struggle to quit bad habits, all of this - must go on. And it's these organizations that will continue carrying the torch for the ummah: so, get onboard and strengthen each other!
What's interesting to note, too, is that he recognizes that the locals themselves might not even know about these existing establishments and efforts, and so he plays the role to link them up.

It's interesting, pondering upon the Hadith of the Prophet ﷺ:

مَنْ دَلَّ عَلَى خَيْرٍ, فَلَهُ مِثْلُ أَجْرِ فَاعِلِهِ
“He who guides (others) to an act of goodness, will have a reward similar to that of the one performing the deed” (Muslim)

To me, it's refreshing and inspiring to witness this firsthand. I always respect people and organizations that foster that Jamaah spirit of collaboration.
Unfortunately, too many times, I've witnessed negative examples of how some individuals and organizations behave as if they have a monopoly in knowledge and da'wah - from unnecessarily nasty competitive rivalry, to personally attacking or belittling others, to almost a cult-like cancel culture to force people only refer to them.

I recall a personal experience a few years back, a rude teenage boy outright yelled at me because he claimed that we "snatched" one person to attend our Islamic classes, instead of their classes.
I told him, "look, we want to help others on the path to Allah. We are on the same goal. It doesn't matter if its you or me."

Alhamdulillah ala kulli hal.. Here's hoping we take a lesson from Sheikh and adopt this collaborative mindset. May Allah make us people of high aspirations, and collaborate with each other upon al-birr and at-taqwa

Husnul Khatimah - 26th December 2022, IPPP Universiti Malaya, by Faith Events

 

Alhamdulillah, had an opportunity to attend “Husnul Khatimah” by my beloved mentor and teacher, Sheikh Wael Ibrahim. 

It was my first time physically attending islamic course since pre-COVID. I am reminded of how refreshing it is to attend islamic classes in person: The surrounding atmosphere of learning, the satisfaction of handwritten notes, the energy of the interactive atmosphere. Plus, it was a nice opportunity to meet people too, meeting and getting to know new friends, as well as meeting some face to face for the first time, including

Personally, my favorite highlights of the course are those which Sheikh Wael shared some sobering, real-life true stories surrounding death, some of which were really shocking and eye-opening. Among some of them:

✅ A drunk person wanted to enter the masjid, insisting that he wanted to pray but was initially blocked from entering. When he finally was allowed to enter, guess what happened next? He prayed in the masjid and died in his sujood. Never be too quick to judge others!
✅ During his “young days”, a good friend of Sheikh died of drug overdose - becoming a reminder that “this could have been us - yet Allah gave us a second chance”. How many second chances are we squandering?
✅ Sheikh’s own mother-in-law, who, despite them giving da’wah to her, and her rationally “agreeing” and “accepting” that Islam was the truth, but procrastinated her decision for syahadah seventeen years. Anything could happen - yet Alhamdulillah, Allah determined that she would finally say it, before her passing away… Allahu Akbar.
✅ A person whom the locals refused to handle his janazah - it turns out that he died while performing zina, and the girl just left him. Because he died in a state of disobedience to Allah, Allah made him die in that state.
✅ Sheikh’s uncles (brothers) who were disputing over an apartment but their animosity grew so great that they brainwashed their children not to mix with their uncles. For 20 years, they were responsible for splitting ties of kinship, until one of them died. Then the other said in regret, “subhanAllah, he died while he was angry at me”. This became a constant reminder to sheikh, never to procrastinate to reconcile and make amends with people. Don’t wait until tragedy to change!
✅ His grandmother-in-law who said the syahadah right before she died, repeating in Arabic and her mother tongue (Tagalog) even though she had no idea what it meant.

Other highlights:

✅ Make marriage easy! “Parents: if you don’t make marriage easy for your children, you are RESPONSIBLE for the ZINA they commit”
✅ How to die upon Husnul Khatimah? Consistently Live your lives with the habit of being in the state that you would like to die in! As the Arabic saying goes, “Whoever lives upon something, will die upon it. Whoever dies upon something, will be resurrected upon that deed”.
✅ Sheikh Wael’s aspirations: “I want to die doing DA’WAH”
✅ “In this dunya, don’t expect things to be easy - expect HARDSHIP and TOIL!”
✅ The Key to Success in Da’wah is to LISTEN
✅ Food for thought: A song can make us cry, but the Qur’an can’t?
✅ Feeling the religion is heavy? “It’s okay to feel it’s heavy. But don’t quit just because it’s heavy. Push yourself, even f you don’t like it. Once you keep pushing, it becomes who you are, and eventually you can’t live without it!”
✅ Find Accountability Partners to Help. That family member who consistently wakes up for fajr/tahajjud? Stick to that person. BEG THAT PERSON TO HELP YOU!

🤲🏽 May Allah make us live our lives with Istiqamah, living upon the Path that He is pleased with, and grant us a beautiful death in a state of consistently performing righteous deeds, and to die upon the best of our deeds.

Reflections on Du’aa for Marriage 🤲🏽

 

Alhamdulillah, ‘tis the season of weddings and walimah gatherings!

Since we say it a lot, let's ponder and reflect upon the du’aa that the Prophet ﷺ taught us* to wish to the newly weds:

بارَكَ اللّهُ لَك، وَبارَكَ عَلَـيْك، وَجَمَعَ بَيْـنَكُما في خَـيْر

“May Allah bless you, and shower His blessings upon you, and join you together in goodness.”

(Abu Dawud, Ibn Majah and At-Tirmidhi)

*Side note: taught by the Prophet ﷺ, ya. Not by Maher Zain. Just saying 😉

Why the emphasis on barakah? 

The word “barakah” has multiple angles in meaning. In its Arabic roots, it usually refers to something that is: 

✅ Lasting - one of the root words refer to “settle down”

✅ Abundant - like a reservoir, it’s a source of constant stream of goodness

When marriages have barakah in them, so much good can come out from it, especially when it is sincerely done for the sake of Allah. Companionship, support, continuous improvement to complement and build upon each other’s strengths and help each other fix our shortcomings, and great achievements together. 

Reflecting on our history and even in present times, great scholars and du’aat were able to achieve what they achieved because of the comfort and peace of mind they have with their spouses taking care of the families at home, the emotional stability their family brings 

As a team, marriages form the first organizational foundations of a society. Insha Allah, If this dynamic duo does well, so will their children (and their children, etc)! In fact, many great righteous scholars were raised - even as single parents - because of those strong foundations to begin with.  

And this is what we sincerely make du’aa for, when we wish our newly weds. 

For many people, this becomes a commitment that may very well last the lifetime - and, pardon the cliche, “till Jannah (ameen!)”. And so, we make this beautiful du’aa from day 1, so they start off on this right foot as a start of many beautiful things to come, insha Allah. 

Alhamdulillah, Congratulations to all of the newly weds out there yg dah setel, especially to our brothers Fouad Mokti and Zaim - اللهم بارك  

وَمِنْ ءَايَـٰتِهِۦٓ أَنْ خَلَقَ لَكُم مِّنْ أَنفُسِكُمْ أَزْوَٰجًۭا لِّتَسْكُنُوٓا۟ إِلَيْهَا وَجَعَلَ بَيْنَكُم مَّوَدَّةًۭ وَرَحْمَةً ۚ إِنَّ فِى ذَٰلِكَ لَـَٔايَـٰتٍۢ لِّقَوْمٍۢ يَتَفَكَّرُونَ ٢١

“And among His Signs is this, that He created for you wives from among yourselves, that you may find repose in them, and He has put between you affection and mercy. Verily, in that are indeed signs for a people who reflect.” (Surah Ar-Rum 30:21)

Hisnul Muslim: A 10-second advice that changed my life

During my early ‘20s - the time of my life when I first discovered Islam and acquired knowledge of the sunnah of Rasulullah ﷺ - an Uncle of mine advised me, 

“get this book: Hisnul Muslim. Very important, tapi ramai orang sunnah tak amalkan (Many Muslims who claim to follow the sunnah, they still fail to practice this)"

I picked up the subtext (maksud “tersirat”) behind his words: Don’t be like everybody else. Succeed where they failed. 

Words that would inspire and change my life. 

At the time, I didn't know what the book was about. When I first bought it, it turned out to be simple a pocket-sized compilation of dzikir (words of Remembrance of Allah) in our daily activities, everything from waking up, to leaving the house, to entering the toilet, after meals, when it rains and before going to bed - all compiled from the Qur’an and Sunnah. 

I recall my first impression: 

“Huh? What’s the big deal?”

Back then, I didn’t understand the importance of dzikr. But because of my determination, and out of that trusting relationship knowing that my Uncle wants what’s best for me, I took his inspiring words to heart: Since that day, I put in the effort to try to implement and memorize as much dzikir as I can. Little by little, one dzikir at a time. Looking back, it was one of the most impactful pieces of advice that has personally improved my life in ways only Allah Knows. 

Not only that, but it inspired me as the default go-to gift book I would gift to others. 

And now, 10 years later, reflecting back, every single day I implement the dzikir recitations I learnt from the book - whether it is reciting the morning or evening dzikir, words after 5-daily prayers, or the simple words I recite from leaving my home - it goes into my Uncle's book of good deeds, even if he has passed away. And every person who received the book and implemented those dzikr, for every one of those rewards, my uncle will also receive a piece of that - and perhaps, he has no idea of it!

And all of it originated from a short & concise 10-second advice. And I gotta admit, I’m kind of jealous of my Uncle! How I wish I could also have such an impact on others!

When people speak about “leaving behind a legacy”, we always think about big things - building masjids, writing great bestsellers, establishing schools, “converting” masses of people to Islam. And yes, those are great, but it feels so distant to us "laymen". But the reality is, "a great legacy" is well within our reach: even a short, sincere word of advice can have a huge impact on people's lives that could last for decades. 

.. If only we put in the effort to share. 

But if we withhold ourselves from sharing - from overthinking, procrastination, fearing how “people will judge me”,  or feeling “I’m not good enough”, - not only are we doing an injustice to the people we love, but we are depriving ourselves from what could be an investment for a great legacy to come. 

The Prophet ﷺ said,

مَنْ دَلَّ عَلَى خَيْرٍ, فَلَهُ مِثْلُ أَجْرِ فَاعِلِهِ

“He who guides (others) to an act of goodness, will have a reward similar to that of the one performing the deed” (Muslim)

“When the son of Adam dies, all of his deeds are cut off except for three: recurring charity, knowledge that is benefitted from, and a righteous child who makes du’aa for him” (Muslim)

Keep sharing knowledge. Keep giving da'wah. Keep enjoining the good and forbidding the evil. Don't concern yourselves with how many likes you get, concern yourselves with how sincere you are with Allah when you do. 

 

When a teenager treats you like trash: The Most Impactful, Difficult Experience of 2017

Alhamdulillah 2017 has come to an end. For most people, myself included, if they are asked to list out the most impactful and meaningful experiences throughout the year, it will most likely be a list of achievements, pleasant surprises, perhaps reunions with friends or family, perhaps an exciting vacation, and so on.

And wAlhamdulillah, no doubt Allah has been Gracious to us and we have indeed had our fair share of those.

But if I were to single out ONE experience that had the most IMPACT to me as a person – that experience is an unpleasant, in fact rather nasty one: when a 19-year old kid verbally abused me and humiliated me in a public masjid. 

While it might seem like a grim and rather bleak choice, in hindsight, objectively speaking, it was the one that had the most impact and effect on me as a human being – that had a deep and profound impact to my character and realization of myself as a person, shaped my perception on people, offered new perspective on other people’s perception.

This happened in June 2017, towards the end of Ramadhan – when out of nowhere, this unknown person started to attack me, hurling relentless insults at my character, accusing me of being a deviant, calling me names like Wahabi and making all sorts of derogatory remarks on my personal Facebook page, and also one of our Facebook group pages.

The surprising thing was, when I looked at his Facebook profile, I recognized him – it was a teenage boy who I frequently saw at the masjid, always together with the brothers and uncles of the Jamaah Tabligh. While I’ve never spoken to him before, I always had a respect for him and held him in high regard, as a person his age to frequently pray at the masjid when many peers at his age wouldn’t even pray.

Which was kind of a shock to me that, despite never having a conversation with me, he decides to break the ice by literally burning down the relationship bridges – and decides to do it as a keyboard warrior on social media, instead of being honest and upfront about it face-to-face like a civilized man.

As I was in a state of shock, I knew that I had to think long and hard before I posted a reply, and not just blast out an emotional defensive response. I have always held to the personal principle that social media is not a platform for debate or argument; to use it wisely and for benefit of others. Restraining your emotions is a lot more difficult than releasing them, and indeed there is great strength and virtue in restraint. Prophet Muhammad ﷺ said :

لَيْسَ الشَّدِيدُ بِالصُّرَعَةِ، إِنَّمَا الشَّدِيدُ الَّذِي يَمْلِكُ نَفْسَهُ عِنْدَ الْغَضَبِ

"The strong is not the one who overcomes the people by his strength, but the (truly) strong is the one who controls himself while in anger." 

(Narrated by Al-Bukhari and Muslim)

.. And this was when my principles were being put to the test. In spite of the clear impoliteness and insolence shown, Allah granted me strength in me to give him the benefit of doubt that “perhaps he has the wrong person”, or is in some kind of misunderstanding.

And wAlhamdulillah – in spite of the shock and burning rage – I responded professionally, giving him salams, and politely asking him can we meet up to discuss face-to-face at the Masjid after Fajr (subuh / dawn prayers) the following day, and resolve any misunderstanding – and that Facebook is only a medium of communication. He responded rudely, saying he will bring his “ustaz” to defeat me and refute MY “misunderstanding”, etc, to which I simply replied “Insha Allah =)” with a smiley emoticon

(side meta-note : thank God for emoticons, my actual face and state of mind was furious).

It bothered and disturbed me the entire night, but Alhamdulillah it gave me time to reflect back and think about the kind of potential attacks he might hurl at me, and to prepare accordingly on how I can respond in a wise manner.

I prayed Fajr at the masjid the following morning, and as I was sitting quietly to myself reciting the morning dzikir, after most of the congregation had dispersed, a small boy – around 5-6 years old – came up to me and says “so-and-so wants you to go and see him”.

Now, it is kind of insulting for a teenager to act like a CEO or king, pick a fight with someone, and send a 5-year old bold to summon a 33-year old man who is quietly minding his own business in worship at the masjid.

I simply replied to the boy, “if he wants to see me, he can come here as we promised”.

The 19-year old eventually came. I gave him salams, introduced myself – and the conversation started: he opened fire on all cylinders.

The boy was arrogant, insolent and emotional, calling me names, attacking my character, insulting my friends, hurling baseless accusations at me, accusing me for things I did not do, judging me for things that OTHER people do, etcetera.

I have never been insulted by any other grown up adult – let alone an ignorant boy – in such a manner, not even at the office. 

I will spare the details but in summary :  I swear by Allah, it was the most hostile, prejudiced, biased, and aggressive conversation I have experienced against me in my whole life.

Mind you, this was in a masjid towards the end of Ramadhan – among the most beloved and blessed places to Allah, during the most beloved and blessed times of the year.

Nevertheless I am glad that Allah Guided me to respond well, for the most part. At the end of the 90-minute ‘conversation’ (or should I call it merciless onslaught), he simply lashed out at me and rudely stormed out.

Alhamdulillah ‘ala kulli Hal, he deleted his derogatory comments on my Facebook. And a few days later, QaddarAllah, just so happen he prayed beside me for Maghrib, wherein after that he apologized to me, and since he did that, I choose to conceal his identity and keep this between me, him and Allah – and only the few close family and friends I consulted – and I am not going to question his “intentions” behind it.

Here are the reasons why this encounter was the most “Impactful” Experience of the 2017 –

1. A HUMBLING EXPERIENCE

Whenever I narrate this incident in detail to the few people close to me, most of them feel enraged at the kind of disrespect this teenage kid had towards me, and how much of a humiliating scenario it was, especially at a public place at the masjid – in one of the houses of Allah.

But when we reflect back at the life of the Prophet Muhammad ﷺ, he was treated with far worse – in fact, the worst levels of disrespect or disgrace faced by a human being. And it wasn’t a one-off incident, either – it happened on multiple occasions from many different people in different levels of society. One of the worst incidents was the incident at Ta’if – when he called the people to worship one God. The leaders not only rejected him, but they dishonored him in front of the masses, and incited the little children to throw stones at him and drive him away like a lowly animal, subhanAllah – until his feet were bleeding and blood started to gel on his sandals.

And yet, when the angel Jibril came and appeared to him, he offered to him,

“إِنَّ اللَّهَ قَدْ سَمِعَ قَوْلَ قَوْمِكَ لَكَ وَمَا رَدُّوا عَلَيْكَ، وَقَدْ بَعَثَ إِلَيْكَ مَلَكَ الْجِبَالِ لِتَأْمُرَهُ بِمَا شِئْتَ فِيهِمْ، فَنَادَانِي مَلَكُ الْجِبَالِ، فَسَلَّمَ عَلَىَّ ثُمَّ قَالَ يَا مُحَمَّدُ، فَقَالَ ذَلِكَ فِيمَا شِئْتَ، إِنْ شِئْتَ أَنْ أُطْبِقَ عَلَيْهِمِ الأَخْشَبَيْنِ”

'Allah has heard your people's saying to you, and what they have replied back to you, Allah has sent the Angel of the Mountains to you so that you may order him to do whatever you wish to these people.'

The Angel of the Mountains called and greeted me, and then said, "O Muhammad! Order what you wish. If you like, I will let Al-Akh-Shabain (i.e. two mountains) fall on them (and destroy them)."

Prophet Muhammad’s response was

 بَلْ أَرْجُو أَنْ يُخْرِجَ اللَّهُ مِنْ أَصْلاَبِهِمْ مَنْ يَعْبُدُ اللَّهَ وَحْدَهُ لاَ يُشْرِكُ بِهِ شَيْئًا 

 "No.. instead, I hope that Allah will let them have CHILDREN – the future generations – who will worship Allah Alone, and will worship None besides Him." 

(Narrated by Al-Bukhari and Muslim)

This was peak levels of mercy, optimism and patience in a person. Look at the context of this incident – here was a 60-year old man, the most honourable human being in the sight of Allah, carrying the most honourable mission to invite mankind to worship God Alone without Associating partners with Him, humiliated by little children pelting stones at him, he had all the right in the world to exact revenge without consequence.

And who am I to think that I “deserve” respect from a foolish 19-year old boy who simply acted on his emotions based on others’ slanderous prejudice?

The Prophet said,

 وَمَا تَوَاضَعَ أَحَدٌ لِلَّهِ إِلاَّ رَفَعَهُ اللَّهُ

“..and the one who shows humility, Allah raises him (in rank, in His Sights).” (Narrated by Muslim)

Taking a step back as well, it was a powerful reminder on humility as a whole, and a reminder regarding the Prophet Muhammad ﷺ as the prime example of humbleness and the undefeatable benchmark amongst mankind. Despite being the leader of Arabia, having access to all the riches in his national treasury and the armies of the land at his feet, he consistently demonstrated a deliberate decision to live a simple, unassuming life

-       Disbelievers would attack him and he would still patiently listen and endure their verbal abuse

-       Even an old woman by the street would grab him to help her to do her simple chores, and he would not refuse nor assign his subordinates instead

-       A rude bedouin man would demand to take the Prophet’s personal belongings, literally even the clothes on his back, and he would not refuse

-       He would be on the ground with his companions to do the ‘dirty work’ – to the extent of sometimes himself starving even more than the poorest of companions

-       He would sit by his gatherings and be unrecognizable from the others – he never wore special or distinct clothing from the rest.

..And countless other examples.

 لَقَدْ كَانَ لَكُمْ فِي رَسُولِ اللَّـهِ أُسْوَةٌ حَسَنَةٌ لِمَنْ كَانَ يَرْجُو اللَّـهَ وَالْيَوْمَ الْآخِرَ وَذَكَرَ اللَّـهَ كَثِيرًا

“There has certainly been for you an example in the Messenger of Allah, for those who hope in Allah and the Last Day and Remember Him much” (Qur’an surah al-Ahzab, verse 21)

2. CHARACTER DEVELOPMENT

Every argument is a learning process, that I personally use to evaluate my own character, identifying room for improvement and enhancement, and mentally preparing myself for similar incidents that may happen in the future.

Perhaps this is one wisdom behind why the Prophet Muhammad ﷺ said,

إِنَّ الْمُسْلِمَ إِذَا كَانَ مُخَالِطًا النَّاسَ وَيَصْبِرُ عَلَى أَذَاهُمْ خَيْرٌ مِنَ الْمُسْلِمِ الَّذِي لاَ يُخَالِطُ النَّاسَ وَلاَ يَصْبِرُ عَلَى أَذَاهُمْ

“Indeed when the Muslim mixes with the people and he is patient with their harm, he is better than the Muslim who does not mix with the people and is not patient with their harm.'"

(HR At-Tirmidzi, dinilai sahih oleh Al-Albani)

While I have had my fair share of heated arguments at the workplace, it is important to note that the nature of argument is completely different. In a professional environment, as high as the emotions run, the goal is often to come to an agreement to fulfill an organizational vision together. But when you’re dealing with an immature, ignorant, teenage hothead filled with hatred – it’s a different beast entirely. The person isn’t looking for answers, clarification or the truth – that person is out for blood.

When taking into perspective the following hadith, this incident was indeed my very own personal strength test – the Prophet Muhammad ﷺ said:

 لَيْسَ الشَّدِيدُ بِالصُّرَعَةِ، إِنَّمَا الشَّدِيدُ الَّذِي يَمْلِكُ نَفْسَهُ عِنْدَ الْغَضَبِ

“The strong person is not the one who overcomes others by his physical strength,

Rather, the (truly) strong person is the one who controls himself in a state of anger” (Narrated by Al-Bukhari and Muslim)

The repeated verbal abuse I endured was one that put my restraint willpower to the test. As demonstrated throughout the life of the Prophet Muhammad ﷺ who dealt with countless more insolent antagonistic disbelievers, it taught us that dealing with these kinds of people requires a different kind of skill – you can’t fight fire with fire, that will only make things worse. Instead, either keep silent, or for the one with true strength in character such as the Prophet: to respond with kindness, as Allah said in the Qur’an :

وَلَا تَسْتَوِي الْحَسَنَةُ وَلَا السَّيِّئَةُ  ۚ ادْفَعْ بِالَّتِي هِيَ أَحْسَنُ فَإِذَا الَّذِي بَيْنَكَ وَبَيْنَهُ عَدَاوَةٌ كَأَنَّهُ وَلِيٌّ حَمِيمٌ 

“The good deed is not equal to the evil deed – repel the evil deed with what is best,

And then (if you do so, you will find that) the one with whom you had harbored enmity will be as though he is your close friend!” (Qur’an, Surah Fussilat, verse 34)

And we indeed see throughout the lifetime of the Prophet he did indeed displayed this behavior – and many of his sworn enemies eventually became his closest friend – one such person is Thumamah bin Uthal Al-Hanafi, who said,

 يَا مُحَمَّدُ وَاللَّهِ مَا كَانَ عَلَى الأَرْضِ وَجْهٌ أَبْغَضَ إِلَىَّ مِنْ وَجْهِكَ فَقَدْ أَصْبَحَ وَجْهُكَ أَحَبَّ الْوُجُوهِ كُلِّهَا إِلَىَّ 

“O Muhammad! I Swear by Allah, there was no face on this Earth who was more hated to me than your face, but now your face has become the most beloved of all faces to me” (Narrated by Ibnu Majah, graded sahih)

But of course, let’s be honest: this is NOT an easy task to achieve – which is why Allah mentioned in the following verse after above,

وَمَا يُلَقَّاهَا إِلَّا الَّذِينَ صَبَرُوا وَمَا يُلَقَّاهَا إِلَّا ذُو حَظٍّ عَظِيمٍ

“And none is granted it except the one who is (truly) patient, and none is granted, except he is granted a great portion (of reward)” (Surah Fussilat, verse 35)

And alhamdulillah, since I had time to prepare, for the most part I responded calmly and well. But of course, naturally when your temper meter is constantly being challenged, it’s bound to trip over it once in a while, and unfortunately there are times when I lost my cool and I wished I responded differently.

When the verbal abuse ended and as the boy arrogantly stormed out, I spent many days contemplating back at the things that were said to me, and the things I said in response. And as the saying goes, “hindsight is 20-20” – when you look back it’s always clear what you should have done differently instead; and having dealt with this kind of character.

And to be completely fair and objective, although 99% of the accusations were baseless personal slander against me, there were one or two genuine constructive feedbacks, which I take positively to be implemented.

One very important thing to note is, sometimes (or in this case, many times), silence is the best response. When we are under attack, due to the emotional state we are in, there is a tendency that we will respond in an inappropriate manner, and might end up saying the wrong things, transgressing acceptable boundaries, and end up saying things we might regret. And then we have to go through the painstaking process of apologizing, withdrawing what we have said, or making corrections.

There is a powerful quote by Imam Ash-Shafi’ee who once said,

قل بما شئت في مسبة عرضي, فسكوتي عن اللئيم جواب

“Say what you wish in abuse of me, For my silence towards the idiot is indeed an answer.

 أنا عادم الجواب ولكن,  ما من الأسد أن تجيب الكلاب

I am not at a loss for a response, but rather,It does not befit the lion to answer the dogs”

So having gone through this experience opened up my eyes and made me more mentally prepared for future arguments, should similar situations appear again. Two hadiths which I personally always hold on to as driving principles in improving my character,

أَنَا زَعِيمٌ بِبَيْتٍ فِي رَبَضِ الْجَنَّةِ لِمَنْ تَرَكَ الْمِرَاءَ وَإِنْ كَانَ مُحِقًّا وَبِبَيْتٍ فِي وَسَطِ الْجَنَّةِ لِمَنْ تَرَكَ الْكَذِبَ وَإِنْ كَانَ مَازِحًا وَبِبَيْتٍ فِي أَعْلَى الْجَنَّةِ لِمَنْ حَسَّنَ خُلُقَهُ

“I guarantee a house in the surroundings of Paradise for a man who avoids quarrelling even if he was the right,

(I guarantee) a house in the middle of Paradise for a man who avoids lying even if he were joking,

And (I guarantee) a house in the higher part of Paradise for a man who beautifies his character”

(Narrated in Sunan Abi Daud, At-Tirmidzi and Ibnu Majah)

مَنْ كَانَ يُؤْمِنُ بِاللَّهِ وَالْيَوْمِ الآخِرِ فَلْيَقُلْ خَيْرًا أَوْ لِيَصْمُتْ

“Whomsoever believes in Allah and the Last Day,

Say what is good – or just keep quiet”

(Narrated by Al-Bukhari, Muslim and others)

3. UNDERSTANDING PEOPLE’S PERCEPTIONS

While this boy was narrating to me his accusations and insults, it was clear to me that these were not a product of his own observations and fabrication – it was collective feedback from others around him, people who were backbiting and slandering me behind my back, as he continuously quoted “they say”, and “my friend told me”.

For many days following the event, I was horrified by this sentiment, as this implied that the very people who I have been praying next to – people whom I considered brothers in faith and whom I held in high regard as Allah had guided them to be steadfast at praying at the masjid – all this time were perceiving me in such a negative light, and instead of clarifying it to me, choose to talk behind my back and slander me for things I did not go.

And it was only after this incident that I knew that apparently this isn’t an isolated ‘opinion’ – I have heard other (seemingly unconnected) people mention the same thing, accusing me of much worse, and yet none has ever sought clarification with me, instead poisoning the minds of the local community.

I have always tried my best to put on my best behaviour at the masjid and to treat others well, yet in spite of this, people chose to take the evil route of backbiting.

But the thing is, to be really objective and mature about the situation, I don’t know “WHO” were the ones backbiting against me. And I’m not about to act like a conspiracy theorist, being paranoid of others like a witch hunt, neither am I going to stereotype entire groups of people like the Jamaah Tabligh for doing that, in the same manner I hate it when people accuse “Islam” of being a bad religion and propagating bad teachings, just because they observe “Muslims” for negative behaviour.

It was a product of their own bad attitude, negative personal evils, and personal devils (Shaytan) inciting hatred in them, just as Prophet Ya’qub said to his son Yusuf, when he knew his other sons would conspire against Yusuf out of jealousy

قَالَ يَا بُنَيَّ لَا تَقْصُصْ رُؤْيَاكَ عَلَىٰ إِخْوَتِكَ فَيَكِيدُوا لَكَ كَيْدًا ۖ إِنَّ الشَّيْطَانَ لِلْإِنْسَانِ عَدُوٌّ مُبِينٌ

And Prophet Jacob (Ya’qub) said to his son Prophet Yusuf:

“O My son, do not tell relate your dream to your brothers, for they will conspire against you – verily, Shaytan is a plain enemy to man” (Qur’an surah Yusuf verse 5)

Just as the brothers of Yusuf, and in this case, the people at my local masjid, it was the Shaytan in them that would incite this hatred.

In a movie I remember watching many years ago as a kid, the main protagonis – and in a separate scene, his daughter – said,

“I trust everyone. It's the devil inside them I don't trust”. #Trivia #CanYouGuess

It was also at this point of sadness when Shaytan was playing tricks in my head, discouraging me from going to my local masjid and becoming a means to prevent me from acts of worship. And this is another danger I wanted to avoid : simply “giving up” whenever we get into negative situations. Leaving groups, not attending classes, avoiding people, stop going to a masjid, all because of our immaturity and weakness in succumbing to the temptations of shaytan to give up. I hated seeing this in another people, and I certainly did not want to be guilty of it myself.

Alas, as disappointing as it is, I continously ask Allah to grant me patience and seek His Reward in it, for indeed Allah will certainly recompense the one whom is a victim of backbiting and of slanders behind his back.

The Prophet Muhammad ﷺ defined who is the truly bankrupt person on the day of Judgment:

 إِنَّ الْمُفْلِسَ مِنْ أُمَّتِي يَأْتِي يَوْمَ الْقِيَامَةِ بِصَلاَةٍ وَصِيَامٍ وَزَكَاةٍ وَيَأْتِي قَدْ شَتَمَ هَذَا وَقَذَفَ هَذَا وَأَكَلَ مَالَ هَذَا وَسَفَكَ دَمَ هَذَا وَضَرَبَ هَذَا فَيُعْطَى هَذَا مِنْ حَسَنَاتِهِ وَهَذَا مِنْ حَسَنَاتِهِ فَإِنْ فَنِيَتْ حَسَنَاتُهُ قَبْلَ أَنْ يُقْضَى مَا عَلَيْهِ أُخِذَ مِنْ خَطَايَاهُمْ فَطُرِحَتْ عَلَيْهِ ثُمَّ طُرِحَ فِي النَّارِ

“The bankrupt of my nation would be he who would come on the Day of Resurrection with (their good deeds of) prayers, fasting and Zakat but (he would find himself bankrupt on that day as he would have exhausted his funds of virtues) since he hurled abuses upon others, brought slander against others and unlawfully consumed the wealth of others and shed the blood of others and beat others, and his good deeds would instead be given away to the account of one (who suffered at his hand).

And if his good deeds fall short to clear the account, then his sins would be entered in (his account) and he would be thrown in the Hell-Fire.” (Narrated by Muslim)

A fine illustration of this  was a story I remember in a lecture we attended many years ago; it was mentioned that Hasan Al-Basri (or in another narration, Imam Ash-Shafi’ee himself) once found out that a person was backbiting and slandering him behind his back. When he got to know of it, Hasan went over to his house and passed him a basket of fruits. The man was puzzled, and Hasan told him,

“I heard that you were backbiting against me – so here, please take these basket of fruits. I do not know how else to repay you for your good deeds”

#ResponseWin

#pwned

#GG

This story and the following verse of the Qur’an are powerful reminders to hold on to, especially in times such as these.

 وَلَا تَهِنُوا وَلَا تَحْزَنُوا وَأَنْتُمُ الْأَعْلَوْنَ إِنْ كُنْتُمْ مُؤْمِنِينَ

“So do not become weak, or grief – and you will become superior, if you are indeed (true) believers

(Qur’an, Surah Ali – Imran, verse 139)

4. TO BE CONSCIOUS AND MINDFUL OF OUR ACTIONS

Hearing from an antagonistic perspective, it was clear to me that there were certain actions which were deemed dislikeable to others, and would no doubt inadvertently shape a negative perception on us.

Although much of this perception can be ‘wrong’ or attribute to ignorance / lack of knowledge, it is better for us who DO know, to be mindful of our own actions and to take the more wiser choice of simply avoiding things which can be dislikeable to others.

Admittedly, this was not an easy thing to do – of course, I have my own stance on things and I am happy to clarify, but in understanding the nature of people around us, which do not seek clarification, this simply becomes a matter of swallowing our pride and living within the confines of tolerance and harmony to prevent discord and misunderstanding.

Having said that, of course, in the areas we cannot compromise, we still keep a firm stance and stand by our principles – but in the “optional” areas, we take the wiser the deicision to take simple liberties and blend in; and as stated by one of our teachers in the past, this is the true definition of “wisdom” (Hikmah) – knowing where, when, and how to apply knowledge. 

And also a similar important thing to note regarding perception, is that some actions are not befitting of a person of our stature – certain things we do or say may be wrongfully attributed to other parts of our life we represent – our family, organization we work for, organizations we are involved with, or perhaps our religion as a whole.

Whether we realize it or not, we are indirectly ambassadors to where we belong, and our actions might tarnish the image or reputation of any of the above, and it is upon us to take ownership to carry these representations with dignity and uphold their honor.

Now, like myself in the past, many of my Muslim brothers would argue differently, questioning: why do we have to bend by their rules and conform to their lack of knowledge?

An incident happened during the time of the Prophet Muhammad ﷺ, in which he was walking at night with his wife Safiyya bint Huyai. When two men of the Ansar saw the Prophet – in the darkness of the night, potentially not recognizing the woman walking together with the Prophet – the hurried away.

Why did they run away? Were they shy of the Prophet? DDid they want to avoid seeing the Prophet with this lady at night?

The Prophet then said to them, - عَلَى رِسْلِكُمَا إِنَّهَا صَفِيَّةُ بِنْتُ حُيَىٍّ – “Walk calmly! This is (my wife), Safiyyah bint Huyai”

The two Ansari companions were surprised and remarked, - سُبْحَانَ اللَّهِ يَا رَسُولَ اللَّهِ – “Glory be to Allah, oh Messenger of Allah!” indicating that they were shocked that the Prophet clarified, because they would never have a negative perception or harbor evil thoughts against the Prophet to be walking with a non-mahram strange woman in the middle of the night.

But listen to the response of the Prophet – he said,

إِنَّ الشَّيْطَانَ يَجْرِي مِنَ الإِنْسَانِ مَجْرَى الدَّمِ، وَإِنِّي خَشِيتُ أَنْ يَقْذِفَ فِي قُلُوبِكُمَا سُوءًا ـ أَوْ قَالَ ـ شَيْئًا ‏

“Verily, Shaytan run in the body of man like blood runs in the veins,

I was afraid that it (this sight) would instill any evil (thoughts) in your heart.”

(Narrated by Al-Bukhari, Muslim)

Now this hadith is a powerful lesson to us that even the Messenger of Allah would have to sometimes clarify his actions to ensure people don’t have a negative suspicion, and indirectly gave us a warning how – no thanks to the work of Satan – some sights may raise suspicion or evil thoughts in the eyes of others, despite it being absolutely normal action.

So this is how I learn my lesson, and to just avoid actions at the masjid and in the local community, which can potentially raise suspicion or negative perceptions.

But I emphasize again, where we cannot compromise, we don’t. This was the sunnah of the Prophet and our righteous predecessors, and this is the sunnah I choose to follow.

5. A SILVER LINING

Although I may sound now as if I didn’t take offence, as a human being naturally of course I was quite devastated after that shocking encounter – I genuinely felt sadness in my heart not only from the verbal abuse but the traumatic revelation that there are many people around me who perceive me in such negative light.

But one thing I was glad I did, was I kept it mainly to myself – I never exposed it on social media or other public groups. I only told a few family members and a few close friends to get their advice and point of view. Keeping mostly silent about certain events allows us to reflect, contemplate and derive lessons from them, as opposed to exposing it publicly, which in turn

1)     enrages our loved ones who may inadvertently fuel our anger further, perhaps even blind us from looking at the positive side of things, or

2)     could be just fishing for sympathy from others, which could in turn make us weaker; or

3)     could possibly incite speculation or hatred amongst others, and in the worst case could trigger fights between people; or,

4)     it could potentially hand over bullets to those who do hate us or have envy against us, for them to continue their attacks.

But 7 months later, I choose to share this right now with the intention that perhaps I can motivate and inspire others when they face similar difficult circumstances, and to look at the silver lining of things, and to derive the positive aspects of it all.

وَعَسَىٰ أَنْ تَكْرَهُوا شَيْئًا وَهُوَ خَيْرٌ لَكُمْ ۖ  وَعَسَىٰ أَنْ تُحِبُّوا شَيْئًا وَهُوَ شَرٌّ لَكُمْ ۗ وَاللَّـهُ يَعْلَمُ وَأَنْتُمْ لَا تَعْلَمُونَ

“Perhaps you might hate something when it is good for you,

And perhaps you might love something when in fact it is bad for you

Allah Knows but you do not know” (Qur’an Surah Al-Baqarah, verse 216)

Now having said that of course, I am in no way validating what that boy did. His actions are still no doubt sinful and an atrocious crime against a fellow Muslim brother.

But he came to me and apologized a few days later, I smiled and accepted his apology and I leave the matter between him and Allah.

It wasn’t an easy thing to do, but I always hold on to the powerful lessons of forgiveness as demonstrated in Surah Yusuf. If Prophet Yusuf – in spite of the heinous crimes of his brothers against him as a child, throwing him into the well, inadvertently forcing him into a life of slavery, eventually being accused of adultery and finally imprisoned until his adult years many years later – and later on finally, as the Minister of Egypt, now, having publicly met his brothers and having the complete upper hand and full power to exact revenge and punish them for their crimes, his response was :

قَالَ لَا تَثْرِيبَ عَلَيْكُمُ الْيَوْمَ ۖ يَغْفِرُ اللَّـهُ لَكُمْ ۖ وَهُوَ أَرْحَمُ الرَّاحِمِينَ 

“No blame will there be upon you on this day – may Allah forgive you.

And He is the Most Merciful of those who give mercy” (Surah Yusuf, verse 92)

Allahu Akbar.. what amazing level of forgiveness.

In conclusion, what is important to learn from this post is to gain wisdom in our every day events, and to find strength in turning those ever-so-sour lemons into the lemonade.

What people see on the surface is one thing – but only Allah knows what is truly underneath and how we choose to act with that we learn from the lessons in life.

May Allah forgive all our shortcomings, make us amongst those who continuously perfect our character and grant us with the highest levels of Paradise, and may Allah protect us from the evil of backbiting and dishonoring our fellow Muslims.