Back in 2018 - the last time I participated under Hafazan categroy for MTAQ PETRONAS - I lost to Fauzi.
Now, 4 years later in 2022, once again, I lost to Fauzi, who scored first place.
Deja vu…?
Except, with a few significant, internal differences. Back in 2018, we had a score margin of 1. Back then Alhamdulillah Allah gave me the consistency to recite without mistakes - therefore perhaps the only differentiating factor would have probably been a minor tajwid issue or a subjectivity on voice. But this year in 2022, the gap widened. My score was lower, at 91, and his was even higher, at a near-perfect whopping 98/100.
Whoa.
In a nutshell, he got better, and I got worse. To top things off, there was another contestant who scored a hair of a point higher at 92/100, earning second place.
A few weeks ago I posted about participation in MTAQ being about the “journey, not the destination” - the focus is in the process, not in the outcomes. But there is something about the outcome that can give us a sobering realization of our current state that can have a profound impact to drive us into action and perform muhasabah to reflect on ourselves:
Why did I do worse?!
It’s the same set of surah, after all. Back then, even though I got 2nd place, I felt satisfied, because I felt I went all out, and I didn’t make any silly mistakes. This time around, I made 3 silly mistakes, and that was killing me. Could it be lack of practice? Or the impact of my sins? After all, imam ash-shafi’ee was advised by waki’ that “knowledge of Allah is Light, and the Light of Allah will not enter the heart of the sinner”.
Even though we might think we are “okay”, but it’s only when we strain ourselves under certain stresssful conditions - such as the nervousness of competition, or having to lead others as imam in taraweeh - then our REAL capacities are put to the test.
Regardless, seeing these results - especially the impossibly high score of Bro Fauzi - fully convinced & motivated me that I really need to do better. This guy has been winning the past few years and yet he still somehow improved. I haven’t quite reached there, and somehow still got worse!
And looking at the tight score of the others - with just 2 points behind in succession - shows how tight and competitive it was. Make another little slip, and you’ll probably drop a rank.
This situation reminds me of what Simon Sinek writes about in his book “Infinite Game”, regarding the concept of Worthy Rival:
“We choose them to be our Worthy Rivals because there is something about them that reveals to us OUR weaknesses and pushes US to constantly improve”
And this is indeed is heeding the call of Allah to - سَابِقُوٓا۟ إِلَىٰ مَغْفِرَةٍۢ مِّن رَّبِّكُمْ - compete with one another for the forgiveness of Allah.
My admiration for him reminds me of Umar and Abu Bakr. When the Prophet ﷺ asked for contribution for the war, Umar declared “today I will beat Abu Bakr” and he gave away half his wealth. But then, turns out Abu Bakr gave ALL of his wealth.
The interesting thing, though, is that all this competition is in Umar’s head. It was Umar’s internal benchmarks to beat. Abu Bakr probably isn’t even aware that he is being compared to.
Terbaik lah bro Fauzi and the rest. BarakAllahu fikum.
See you guys next year, in MTAQ 2023 insha Allah! Allahumma barik.
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