What is your intention of being a manager? - Leadership Reflections

 

“Leadership is not a license to do less. Leadership is a responsibility to do more” (Simon Sinek)

This month, May 2022, marks one full year since my formal appointment as manager.
Reflecting back, it has been one of the most challenging tasks that has really pushed and challenged me beyond my comfort zone, all while questioning myself if I’m doing the right thing while I confront this massive impostor syndrome in taking up these heavy responsibilities.

Quoting these two books perfectly sums it up:

Being a boss for the first time in your life is not as glamorous as everyone thinks. At times, it’s thankless.
It’s awkward and uncomfortable at times. You get angry. You sometimes feel alone and lost. Doubt starts to creep in. You start second-guessing yourself. There are times you don’t feel very bright—maybe even feel like you’re on the verge of total failure. You feel no one really “gets” you and your situation.
(William Gentry, "Be The Boss Everyone Wants to Work For")

I remember my three primary emotions navigating the choppy waters of my new role: fear, doubt, and am I crazy for feeling this way? Everyone else around me seemed to be doing just fine. Everyone else made it look easy. I never thought managing was easy. I still don’t.
(Julie Zhuo, "The Making of a Manager")

Having said that though, on the other hand, being a manager is also the most fulfilling, satisfying, engaging learning & development experiences of my professional experience.

Of all the things I learnt, if I feel there was ONE important lesson I want to share to all the future managers and my fellow managers out there, it boils down to this one thing: Intention.

WHY do you want to be a manager? What are you trying to achieve with this role (that you can’t already accomplish in your current state)?

Our Prophet Muhammad ﷺ said,

‎إنَّمَا الْأَعْمَالُ بِالنِّيَّاتِ، وَإِنَّمَا لِكُلِّ امْرِئٍ مَا نَوَى
"All deeds have their intentions, so each person will attain what he intended” (Al-Bukhari & Muslim)

As Jim McCormick writes:
In many ways, transitioning from the role of an individual contributor to a manager is similar to the diference between being a technician and being an artist. The manager is an artist because management is often nuanced and subjective. It involves a different mindset. (“The First-Time Manager”)

If you are going to navigate through these turbulent, stormy path ahead, you need a strong drive and motivation to keep you going. And a clear conscience of your purpose.

Out of curiosity, I ask this same question to other people: WHY do you want to be a manager?

Honestly, many of the answers aren’t very encouraging.

Many people say they want to be manager "because I don't want to be TP". To avoid being a technical specialist or SME (a position our organization designates as "Technical Professional", or TP)

While it seems relatively harmless on the surface, the real issue starts to surface when you dig one level deeper: ‘why don't you want to be a TP?’

And these are the top 3 frustrating answers I've got:
1. Courage: "Because I don't dare make tough technical decisions. I am afraid I make mistakes as a TP""
2. Convenience: "Being a manager is easier than a TP. Less work. Besides, I don't have to study anymore."
3. Competency "I don't want to be TP because I have poor decision-making skills."

Could these answers be a reflection of what kind of leader they will be?

If the 3 thoughts above crossed your mind, what I’d like us to do is to take a step back and ask ourselves these questions:

🤔 Would you want to work for a manager whose intention to be a leader because he lacks courage or avoids responsibility?
🤔 Are you saying that you are deliberately avoiding difficult decisions? And would rather make mistakes and unleash your ‘poor decision making’ with people’s careers and livelihood, and the trust upon you to drive the organization?

Make no mistake, managing people requires a LOT of courage and very difficult subjective decisions. How do you set performance KPI’s to objectively evaluate staff performance and remove any semblance of bias, while simultaneously challenging them and moving the needle? How do you set direction for matters you have no precedent to follow from? How do you handle underperformers? Demotivated team members? Toxic individuals dragging others? Giving honest, tough feedback? Being questioned about your credibility in front of others – including your superior, your colleagues, and yes, your own subordinates?

The above are just some of the challenges I faced, often alone. Yet we cannot afford to break down. Too much is at stake. In fact, if anything, these are the moments that the courage to act is most needed.
The silver lining, though, is that these moments can become turning points towards many great things, if we have the drive to persevere and handle them well.

Taking up the role of manager has much bigger consequences that simply “climbing the corporate ladder”.

Here’s a reality check, especially for us Muslims: being a manager – taking up a role of leadership – is more than just “career progression” and a bigger paycheck. It is RESPONSIBILITY.

Prophet Muhammad ﷺ said,
“Each of you is a shepherd and each of you will be questioned regarding his flock” (Al-Bukhari, Muslim)

The main lesson in this hadith: Everybody has responsibilities. The higher your rank, the heavier your burden of responsibilities, the more you will be answerable for. Not just to your annual performance appraisals. But more importantly, to Allah on the Day of Judgment.

Which is why the Prophet ﷺ discouraged the companions from taking up leadership roles. Abu Dzar Al-Ghifari, one of the companions once asked the Prophet: “O Messenger of Allah, will you not appoint me in a position of authority and leadership?”
The Prophet stroked Abu Dzar’s shoulder with his hand, and said,

يَا أَبَا ذَرٍّ إِنَّكَ ضَعِيفٌ وَإِنَّهَا أَمَانَةٌ وَإِنَّهَا يَوْمَ الْقِيَامَةِ خِزْىٌ وَنَدَامَةٌ إِلاَّ مَنْ أَخَذَهَا بِحَقِّهَا وَأَدَّى الَّذِي عَلَيْهِ فِيهَا
“O Abu Dzar, you are weak (i.e. you are not competent for this role).
Authority is a trust; and on the Day of judgment it is a cause of humiliation and regret, except for the one who takes it up with a full sense of responsibility and fulfills what is entrusted to him (discharges its obligations efficiently)." (Muslim)

In another narration, the Prophet further clarified to Abu Dzar,

يَا أَبَا ذَرٍّ إِنِّي أَرَاكَ ضَعِيفًا وَإِنِّي أُحِبُّ لَكَ مَا أُحِبُّ لِنَفْسِي لاَ تَأَمَّرَنَّ عَلَى اثْنَيْنِ وَلاَ تَوَلَّيَنَّ مَالَ يَتِيمٍ
“O Abu Dzar, verily, I love for you what I love for myself. Do not accept the responsibility of commanding even two people, and do not manage the property of an orphan.” (Muslim)

It is worth noting that Abu Dzar wasn’t a sinner or an oppressive person. Quite the opposite: he was a very righteous individual; however, his capability and personality – perhaps in people management – were simply not suited for leadership. When it comes to other companions whom the Prophet witnessed were genuinely capable of leadership, the Prophet wasted no time in appointing them as leaders, such as Amr ibn Al-Aas, who was appointed general of an army as soon as he embraced Islam.

Don’t become a manager because you are lacking courage or seeking what’s convenient. Don’t become a manager without knowing the responsibilities that lay ahead, and taking the conscious decision to own up to it.
And, it goes without saying: don't become a manager to abuse authority for personal gain.
In fact, I would go out on a limb and say: if your heart – your intentions – aren’t in the right place, then do the organization a favor, and don’t step into the role.

On the other hand, if you do well as a leader, you have the potential to be the driving force of positive change and making the team - and subsequently, the organization, and a part of the world - just that bit a better place.

So, if you have that sincere intention of being a manager because you want to enhance the organization as a whole, removing inefficiencies, maximizing value; to be the change that you’ve always wanted to see; to take collective responsibility of the struggles and shortcomings the team faces by embracing the challenges that lay ahead, with the hopes to turn the ship around and turn adversity into success; to passionately bring out the best in the organization’s talent by driving competency and personal development; to face those uncomfortable “people issues” and be the leader that the people need, to create that great place to work that fosters collaboration, healthy competitiveness, transparency, synergizing talents, and leaving behind a positive legacy for others to pick up the torch and advance it further..

.. Now if all of those are your intentions, then ahlan wa sahlan, please do step forward. We need more leaders like you to step up, as did Prophet Yusuf said to the King of Egypt:

قَالَ اجْعَلْنِى عَلَى خَزَآئِنِ الاٌّرْضِ إِنِّى حَفِيظٌ عَلِيمٌ
“Appoint me over the storehouses of the land; verily I am a competent, trustworthy guardian” (12:55)

May Allah purify our intentions, grant us the Guidance, Ability, and Perseverance to carry out our responsibilities with Justice and Excellence (adl and ihsaan).

Doa untuk tuan rumah: Sunnah yang (hampir) dilupakan?

 

Selepas 2 tahun tak beraya dan bersalam-salaman dengan orang, Alhamdulillah kita dibanjiri semula dengan jemputan-jemputan sepanjang Shawwal ini. Tapi subhanAllah, lepas 2 tahun tak pergi open house, hampir lupa pula untuk amalkan sunnah ini yang mungkin dah lama kita tinggalkan: Mendoakan tuan rumah-tuan rumah kita yang murah hati:

اللَّهُمَّ بَارِكْ لَهُمْ فِي مَا رَزَقْتَهُمْ وَاغْفِرْ لَهُمْ وَارْحَمْهُمْ

“Ya Allah, berkatilah segala yang Kau telah Rezekikan kepada mereka; ampunilah mereka, rahmatilah mereka” 

Doa ini tidak semestinya disebut di hadapan tuan rumah sendiri; bahkan boleh dibaca ketika kita bersendirian. Malah, doa tersembunyi untuk saudara kita yang lain lebih baik kerana lebih ikhlas, dan lebih-lebih lagi juga kerana sebenarnya ianya memanfaatkan kita sendiri juga secara tidak langsung, kerana Rasulullah ﷺ bersabda: 

مَنْ دَعَا لأَخِيهِ بِظَهْرِ الْغَيْبِ قَالَ الْمَلَكُ الْمُوَكَّلُ بِهِ آمِينَ وَلَكَ بِمِثْلٍ

" Barangsiapa yang mendoakan untuk saudaranya secara sembunyi (tanpa pengetahuannya), akan ada malaikat yang ditugaskan untuk mendoakan: 

"Amin, dan Semoga dikurniakan yang sama bagi kamu juga" (HR Muslim) 

Dalam menjelaskan hadith ini, Imam An-Nawawi berkata:

و كان بعض السلف إذا أراد أن يدعو لنفسه يدعوا لأخيه المسلم بتلك الدعوة لأنها تستجاب ويخسل له مثلها 

“Sebahagian daripada para salaf (orang soleh terdahulu), apabila mereka menginginkan sesuatu untuk diri mereka sendiri, mereka akan mendoakannya untuk saudara muslim dengan apa yang diinginkannya itu, kerana ianya mustajab dan akan dikurniakan yang sama bagi dirinya juga.”

Berita baik: Sepertimana doa-doa lain, doa ini tiada tarikh luput: no expiry date! Boleh je kita doakan untuk tuan rumah yang sebelum ini semenjak hari pertama shawwal baru-baru ni. Pintu keberkatan, rahmat dan keampunan Allah sentiasa terbuka.

Cadangan: Ingat balik dan senaraikan semula, semua open house yg kita dah pergi sepanjang tahun ni, dan bacakan doa ini khusus diniatkan bagi mereka. 

Mudah-mudahan juga menjadi berita gembira kepada tuan rumah di antara kita.

Refleksi & Renungan peristiwa Muawiyah panjat Abah di Masjid #1: Mengaku salah, memohon maaf, dan memaafkan orang lain

 

Saya amat kagum dan respect kebaikan saudara ini yang mengakui kesalahannya, mengaku beliau terlanjur kerana emosi, dan akhirnya memohon maaf. 

Sewaktu saya hantar mesej saya dalam group tersebut, saya tak tahu apa nak expect. Niat saya hanya untuk bertanggungjawab atas tindakan saya membawa Muawiyah jika dia menyebabkan gangguan, bersihkan nama ahli keluarga saya, mendamaikan antara jemaah. Tidaklah berharap sangat dia akan reply.

Tapi masha Allah, perhatikan respons beliau. Beliau bukan sekadar “buat tak tahu” dan berpura-pura tak perasan mesej (maklumlah group wasap banyak mesej org dok forward… tak sedar la gitu), beliau tidak pula berkeras kepala dan sombong (e.g. “hek elehhh orang muda bajet bagus”); sebaliknya, beliau bersuara dan mohon maaf dalam group. Bukan sekadar “PM tepi” msg peribadi, tapi membuat pengumuman di dalam group WhatsApp sama yang beliau meluakan kemarahannya.

Bukan mudah nak menelan ego selepas dah meletup di kalangan ahil Jemaah, especially lepas petik nama orang dan melampaui batas dalam adab menegur.

Much respect, Allahumma barik. Semoga Allah ampuni kesalahannya, dan sebagai balasan taubatnya, menjadikan semua kebaikan yang timbul sebagai amal soleh baginya pada Hari Kiamat.

Perkataan “sorry” ni antara perkataan yang paling berat. Ego memang susah nak diatasi. Bukanlah selalu terlintas di hati: “Apsal pulak aku yang kena minta maaf?” “Habis tu dia tu bagus sangat ke?”

Renungkan: bila kita terjumpa kesilapan seseorang, yang mana lebih baik: agar mereka mengaku, menerima, bertanggungjawab atas kesalahan mereka dan berusaha untuk perbaiki (i.e. memohon maaf), atau mereka terus ego, berdegil dan berkeras kepala?

Hakikatnya, bila kita mohon maaf dengan ikhlas, ianya melembutkan hati orang lain untuk menerima. Dan biasanya, bila adanya pihak yang ada keberanian untuk “break the cycle” dan memohon maaf, banyak masalah akan selesai dan mudah kita terus maju ke depan.  Malah, ini juga apa yang saya belajar dan amalkan dalam pengelaman saya, hatta di dalam dunia profesional dan bidang pekerjaan.

Sebab itu juga Nabi ﷺ berpesan,

“Aku beri jaminan satu rumah di penghujung Syurga, bagi sesiapa yang meninggalkan pergaduhan, walaupun merekalah yang betul..” (HR Abu Daud)

Cuma kena ingat, cara minta maaf pun ada cara dan adab dia. Ayat sarkastik seperti "yelah aku minta maaf, ko je la yang betul"... ini tidak menggambarkan keikhlasan.

Kerana demikian, bila saya mesej dalam grup tersebut memohon maaf, saya sangat berhati-hati untuk mengelakkan sebarang unsur perli, sindiran atau sarkasme, terutama sekali kata-kata yang boleh menyinggung perasaannya.  – sebab ianya pasti akan menjejaskan kejujuran pemohonan kemaafan kita. Kerana nila setitik, rosak susu sebelanga. 

Kedua: Di sini juga saya nak tekankan pentingnya kita bukan sahaja meminta maaf, tetapi cepat untuk MEMAAFKAN orang lain.

Saya lihat di ruangan komen, ada beberapa individu yang meluahkan perasaan marah dan tidak puas hati kepada pakcik tersebut dan bagi macam2 nama tak baik. Tetapi sini saya nak tekankan, beliau dah minta maaf, dan saya pun dah maafkan. Dah setel dah. Kalau kita kutuk atau mengumpat dia lagi, kita yang zalim.

Kawal emosi kita, dan ampunkan mereka. Inilah antara ciri-ciri orang bertakwa yang kita perlu pupuk:

 وَٱلْكَـٰظِمِينَ ٱلْغَيْظَ وَٱلْعَافِينَ عَنِ ٱلنَّاسِ ۗ وَٱللَّهُ يُحِبُّ ٱلْمُحْسِنِينَ

“.. dan orang-orang yang menahan kemarahannya dan memaafkan (kesalahan) orang. Allah mengasihi orang-orang yang berbuat kebajikan." (Surah Ali Imran 133-134)

Kalau kita nak wujudkan masyarakat yang memohon maaf, maka kita pun perlu lah mainkan peranan kita untuk lembutkan hati memaafkan mereka. Kalau kita asyik berdendam dan masih menyerang mereka, bukankah ini hanya akan menggalakkan orang berkeras kepala? 

Dan WAllahi, perkara ni bukan mudah. Easier said than done. Secara jujur saya katakan, pada awalnya selepas baca mesej pertama beliau, emosi saya sebagai bapa memang amat terganggu. Marah, kecewa, sedih. NGL rasa “malas aku nak datang masjid ni lagi” pun ada terlintas. Tetapi Allah ingatkan kita:

وَلْيَعْفُوا۟ وَلْيَصْفَحُوٓا۟ ۗ أَلَا تُحِبُّونَ أَن يَغْفِرَ ٱللَّهُ لَكُمْ ۗ وَٱللَّهُ غَفُورٌۭ رَّحِيمٌ 

“.. Hendaklah mereka memaafkan serta melupakan kesalahan orang-orang itu. 

Tidakkah kamu suka agar Allah mengampunkan dosa kamu (juga)? 

Dan (ingatlah) Allah Maha Pengampun lagi Maha Mengasihani.” (Surah Nur, 24:22)

Nak melatih dan memupuk sifat pemaaf ni, bermula dengan ahli keluarga kita, atau mereka yang paling dekat dengan kita. Terutama sekali, kepada anak-anak kita sendiri. Lead by example.

Pertama sekali, contohi perbuatan mohon maaf. Kalau tersilap dengan mereka, just say sorry. 

Kedua, kalau mereka buat hal? Jadilah contoh teladan penyabar dan pemaaf. Latih anak-anak kita untuk minta maaf, dan yang lagi penting: kita pula kena cepat untuk memaafkan mereka, di samping terus-menerus mendidik mereka dan membentuk akhlaq mereka menjadi lebih baik. 

Tak nafikan, anak-anak kita memang akan buat hal. Mungkin mengamuk dengan kita, atau melakukan / mengatakan sesuatu yang mengguris hati kita, atau mungkin juga berlaku biadap dengan kita. 

Antara pengajaran daripada kisah para Nabi adalah mereka juga ada hadapi banyak masalah kekeluargaan. Seperti yang diriwayatkan dalam Surah Yusuf: bahawa Nabi Ya’qub dengan anak-anaknya yang berkomplot mencampakkan adiknya Yusuf ke dalam perigi di tengah padang pasir. 

Pengajarannya? Ikutilah sunnah Nabi Yusuf dan Nabi Ya’qub: Bila mereka menunjukkan penyesalan, dan mohon maaf, maka maafkan. Lupakan kisah lama. Go one step further: mohon Allah agar mengampuni dosa mereka. (Ruj: Surah Yusuf, ayat 92 & 98)

Maafkan mereka, didik mereka. Biar anak-anak dibesarkan dalam suasana kasih sayang, mengenali bahawa ibu dan bapa mereka bersabar atas karenah mereka. Biar mereka “rasa” kasih sayang dan tanamkan kepercayaan terhadap kita, dan pelajari contoh teladan sikap pemaaf dan penyabar. Biar mereka dibesarkan dengan contoh teladan yang rendah diri, mengakui kesalahan diri dan sentiasa cuba memperbaiki akhlak dan adab mereka.

Inilah intipati daripada doa dalam surah Al-Furqan, ayat 74: "وَٱجْعَلْنَا لِلْمُتَّقِينَ إِمَامًا" - Jadikanlah kami imam (ikutan) bagi orang-orang beriman. 

Makin mereka berusia, mudah-mudahan, makinlah mereka akan hargai dan bersyukur. 

Dan bila tiba giliran mereka, mudah-mudahan ibu bapa yang lebih baik, ter-inspirasi mengikuti jejak langkah kita. 

Change takes time. And a lot of patience.

It won't be easy. But it's worth it! 

Semoga Allah jadikan kita semua golongan pemaaf, ikhlas dalam memohon keampunan Allah serta semua manusia lain yang telah kita zalimi. 

Firman Allah:

خُذِ الْعَفْوَ وَأْمُرْ بِالْعُرْفِ وَاَعْرِضْ عَنِ الْجَاهِلِيْنَ

 “Jadilah engkau pemaaf dan arahkanlah orang kepada ma’ruf (kebaikan), serta berpalinglah dari pada orang-orang yang jahil.” (QS Al-A’raf: 199)

Kanak-kanak melayan masjid seperti “sarkas”? Bapak tak ajar adab? – Pengajaran dalam akhlaq komuniti Jemaah masjid.

 

Semasa balik kampung sepanjang-panjang cuti raya, seperti biasa, saya membawa Muawiyah ke masjid setiap hari untuk solat fardhu. Dan seperti biasa, dia akan buat perangai biasa dia; berlari-lari, panjat belakang Abah dia, melompat-lompat, dan sebagainya. 4-year old boys will be 4-year old boys. 

Satu hari, saya sedar ada seorang abang/Pakcik yang solat sebelah saya, kelihatan kurang senang dengan tingkah laku Muawiyah. Pandang “slack” ke arah kami. Tapi sebelum saya dapat bersalaman atau berbual dengannya, dia terus beredar pulang. 

Tiba-tiba, malam tersebut dia menghantar mesej dalam grup watsapp Jemaah masjid dengan penuh kemarahan. “Bapak si kanak kecil tidak mengajar adab”, “little brat thinks masjid is a circus arena”, “syaitan dah terlepas”, dan menjadikannya isu peribadi dengan melabel Muawiyah sebagai “cucu si fulan” dengan menyebut nama. 

Plot twist: saya tiada pun dalam group WhatsApp tersebut. 

Ternyata, mesej seperti ini mendatangkan perasaan yang dukacita, kemarahan dan kesedihan di kalangan keluarga kami. 

Seperti yang dijangkakan, Tiada sesiapa yang reply, sama ada menyokong atau membetulkannya. 

Andaikata anda dalam situasi tersebut, apa yang anda lakukan?

Ada yang cadangkan kepada saya, "buat tak tahu je orang macam ni". Ada pula terlintas untuk mesej secara peribadi. Tapi, saya ambil keputusan untuk masuk group ini dan memberikan penjelasan terus kepada saudara ini serta semua ahli group. 

Berikut adalah niat dan tujuan saya Lakukan sedemikian: 

1. Beliau terang-terangan mengecam saya dan ahli keluarga saya (yang tiada kena-mengena) melampaui batas secara terbuka dalam group whatsapp. Maka kezaliman ini perlu diperbetulkan secara terbuka juga. 

2. Kalau kita "buat tak tahu je" - seperti yang dilakukan oleh ahli lain - maka dengan tindakan kita, kita benarkan tabiat ini berterusan. Dan konsekuensi dia memberi kesan kepada orang lain juga. Secara tidak langsung, ianya menimbulkan perasaan tidak senang kepada jemaah lain yang berniat untuk membawa kanak-kanak kecil ke masjid.

"Jangan lah bawak anak pegi masjid. Nanti banyak masalah pula." "Nanti diorg besar pandai lah diorg pergi sendiri" 

Maka bagaimanakah masa hadapan umat kita? 

3. Secara peribadi, saya amat benci tabiat keyboard warrior yang berleluasa pada zaman media sosial ni: kencang menembak belakang tabir, tapi bila depan2, tak nak tegur pula. 

Kalau kita ada teguran, be a man and step up as your authentic self kalaulah benar kita ikhlas nak nasihat, dan bukan sekadar nak tunjuk hero di khalayak ramai. 

Saya ready je nak terima teguran dan memperbaiki pendekatan saya. Tapi kalau dah buat macam ni – menjatuhkan maruah, melibatkan ahli keluarga lain yang tidak bersalah, menghina anak orang, mempersoalkan kredibiliti individu lain sebagai seorang bapa – rasanya, orang Terima ke? Adakah ini pendekatan islam?  

Sedangkan Fir'aun pun, Nabi Musa di arahkan untuk berdakwah secara lemah lembut (ruj: Surah Ta-Ha, ayat 44). Adakah saya lagi buruk dari Fir'aun? 

Imam Asy-Syafi’ee berkata, "siapa yang menasihatimu secara sembunyi-sembunyi, maka ia benar-benar menasihatimu. Siapa yang menasehatimu di khalayak ramai, dia sebenarnya menghinamu". 

Bila kita teruskan “buat tak tahu je”, kita secara tidak langsung membiarkan sahaja berleluasa perangai keyboard warrior yang mengutuk-ngutuk dan buruk sangka (su’u dzon) terhadap orang lain dalam group whatsapp bila kita tidak puas hati. 

Ini bukan tabiat Jemaah yang sihat – sama sekali bukan “nilai2 murni Islam” yang diungkapkan oleh saudara ini.

4. Peristiwa ini secara tidak langsung boleh menimbulkan pergaduhan dan perpecahan sesama jemaah. Saya dapat tahu offline bahawa Mesej beliau ini telah membuat orang lain "tidak puas hati" dengannya walaupun mereka tidak suarakan dalam group. 

Maka kalau berterusan, mungkin akan terus membuat mereka membenci atau berpuak-puak. Elok didamaikan sebelum lebih parah.

5. Saya akui, saya juga buat kesilapan sendiri. Sorry bro, first time father.

Saya “biarkan” Muawiyah bermain dan panjat-panjat diri saya, atas niat mengikut sunnah Nabi, selepas belajar cara Nabi ﷺ melayan kanak-kanak di masjid, terutamanya cucunya Hasan dan Husain. 

Pernah terjadi ketika mengimami solat isha satu hari, Rasulullah ﷺ memanjangkan sujud beliau dengan sangat lama, sehinggakan sahabat bertanya, adakah sesuatu yang buruk telah berlaku, atau beliau sedang menerima wahyu dalam sujud? Rasulullah kemudian menjelaskan:

"‏ كُلُّ ذَلِكَ لَمْ يَكُنْ وَلَكِنَّ ابْنِي ارْتَحَلَنِي فَكَرِهْتُ أَنْ أُعَجِّلَهُ حَتَّى يَقْضِيَ حَاجَتَهُ ‏"‏

“Tidaklah demikian. Cucu aku telah memanjat belakangku, dan aku tidak ingin mencepatkannya, (lalu kubiarkannya bermain) sehinggalah dia puas” (HR An-Nasa’ee)

Lagipun, Muawiyah tak buat bising atau kacau Jemaah lain pun. Dia hanya panjat dan bully Abah je – itu pun lepas dah salam. Masa solat dia baik je, main sorang-sorang kat belakang. Kadang2 ikut solat. Bila takde mood, dia cabut ke belakang.

 

Cuma, kesilapan saya adalah tidak sensitif terhadap perasaan Jemaah lain yang masih masbuq solat. Atau perasaan jemaah senior yang lain. Saya anggap semua orang “okay je” dengan budak-budak selagi mereka tidak bising atau menjerit-jerit. Saya ingat, mereka rasa seronok tengok anak-anak kecil datang ke masjid. 

Ternyata, manusia ni berbeza-beza. Tahap ilmu dan toleransi yang berlainan. 

Ala kulli hal, bagi saya, solusi dia mudah je. Just nasihat baik-baik dengan Muawiyah. He listens. 

Dan kalau dia terlanjur – maklumlah, budak-budak – maka minta maaf sahaja dengan pakcik atau abang2 lain. Life goes on. 

6. Apakah definisi "nilai2 murni dalam islam"? 

Definisi & kayu ukur "nilai murni" adalah melalui Qur'an dan sunnah Nabi.  

Soalan yang wajar ditanya adalah: bagaimana Nabi sendiri melayan anak-anak kecil seperi cucu-cucunya yang bermain-main, dan berpanjat-panjat di masjid? 

Kesudahannya, Adakah beliau melabel perbuatan mereka sebagai "sarkas", atau sebagai syaitan? 

Sebaliknya, salah satu daripada kanak2 kecil yang panjat-panjat beliau ini - Hasan - membesar menjadi salah satu pemimpin yang hebat di kalangan umat Islam dan memainkan peranan besar mendamaikan puak Islam yang berperang! 

Bahkan pendekatan teguran saudara itu sendiri dah bercanggah dengan Al-Qur’an. Merujuk Al-Hujarat, ayat 11-12, Allah mengajar kita jangan berprasangka buruk, su'u dzon atau mengata-ngata saudara se-islam kita dengan nama yang buruk, atau mengumpat mereka dengan menganggap bapak dia tak ajar adab, melabel anak kecil sebagai ‘little brat’ atau melambangkan "syaitan yang terlepas".

Even kita letak tepi lah dalil Qur’an dan Hadith, as a human being, I ask: Would you like others to insult you or your 4-year-old child like this?

Rasulullah ﷺ bersabda, “kamu tidak akan beriman, sehingga kamu mencintai untuk saudaramu apa yang kamu cintai untuk diri sendiri” (Al-Bukhari, Muslim)

7. Memandang dari sudut positif, ini satu peluang Allah kurniakan kepada saya untuk islah dan nasihat. Gunakan peluang ini untuk mendamaikan persahabatan sesama Jemaah melalui berakhlaq dengan sunnah nabi ﷺ: Nasihat secara hikmah, tanpa memalukan sesiapa. Control your anger and emotions. Don’t retaliate unprofessional behavior, and instead take the high road. Be the change you want to see. 

Manalah tahu, seperti firman Allah, boleh jadi saudara ini boleh jadi kawan baik saya satu hari nanti?

“Dan tidaklah sama kebaikan dan kejahatan. Tolaklah (kejahatan itu) dengan cara yang lebih baik, maka tiba-tiba orang yang antaramu dan antara dia ada permusuhan seolah-olah telah menjadi teman yang sangat setia!” (Surah Fussilat, ayat 34)

Merenungkan semua poin di atas, saya pun mohon ahli group untuk dimasukkan ke dalam group, memperkenalkan diri saya secara nama – no secrets, no agendas, no revenge – dan menghantar respon saya.

Keputusannya? Alhamdulillah, saudara tersebut memohon maaf, dan tiada isu lagi.

Isu ini sama sekali tidak membuatkan saya rasa serik atau putus asa untuk bawa Muawiyah ke masjid. Pengalaman saya membawanya ke masjid adalah pengalaman dan saat2 terindah sebagai seorang bapa. 

Cuma pengajarannya adalah agar saya lebih sensitif dan berhikmah dalam pendekatan, dan tidak perlu berdegil dengan pakcik lain yang mungkin tidak senang dengan pergerakan2 rawak kanak-kanak.

Harapan saya adalah agar bapa-bapa kita akan terus membawa anak-anak mereka ke masjid, dan gunakan peluang ini untuk “bonding” bersama mereka dan mentarbiyah mereka, agar mereka mencintai Islam, mencintai rumah Allah, suka meluangkan masa bersama abah sebagai Langkah untuk mendidik mereka mendirikan solat, pada masa yang sama, dengan sabar, bertoleransi dengan tabiat mereka, serta sedikit demi sedikit mendidik mereka akhlak dalam bermasyarakat dan menghormati keselesaan jemaah di masjid.

It's not easy. Tapi kalau bukan kita - Wahai bapa-bapa sekalian - siapa lagi? 

Semoga Allah kurniakan istiqamah kepada kita semua untuk mentarbiyahkan pemimpin2 yang terbaik untuk masa depan, dan semoga Allah satukan hati kita atas pegangan kitab-Nya dan Sunnah Nabi-Nya ﷺ. 

Rasulullah ﷺ bersabda:

 لَيْسَ مِنَّا مَنْ لَمْ يَرْحَمْ صَغِيرَنَا وَيُوَقِّرْ كَبِيرَنَا

“ Bukanlah dari kalangan kami sesiapa yang tidak mengasihi anak-anak kecil kami dan tidak memuliakan golongan yang tua dari kalangan kami.” 

(HR al-Bukhari di dalam Al-Adab al-Mufrad (358))

Where does flushed toilet from the airplane go? 💩💦 #RandomThoughts

As a child, I used to think that when we flush the toilets in the airplane they would flush out the “stuff” outside to the skies below.

Because it was so loud, and the liquids get sucked out so quickly, it gave the impression it was going “outside”.

Don't all of us used to assume this? 🤣

Turns out that no, that stuff isn’t going outside, Alhamdulillah. It gets sucked by a powerful vacuum suction, into sealed storage tanks.

I can appreciate the simplicity and effectiveness of the engineering, which airplanes been using the same base technology as it was introduced back in the 1970’s: The vacuum suction works by pressure difference. Since the waste tank is kept at a lower pressure than the cabin (it is not pressurized like the cabin is), once the valve in the toilet bowl is opened, the pressure difference causes air from the toilet bowl to be rapidly sucked out. In case the differential isn’t sufficient, there is also a vacuum pump in the system: which explains how the toilets still work on the ground.

So no, crap from the planes don’t get dumped into the clouds.

There goes my outdated theories about Acid Rain.

And no, you shouldn't expect random "blessings from the skies" 💩 if you live especially close to the airport. 

Alhamdulillah, it’s great to back in Miri. Beach time.. let’s GOoOoO, Muawiyah 😎

The Power of Storytelling & the wisdom of stories in the Qur'an

 

As human beings, we are hardwired to have an attacment to stories. Stories can deliver messages to us in away that resonates directly in a way that instructions or theoretical explanations will simply fail to convey. And that is why it is also one of the most effective tools for teaching and communication, in addition to the obvious appeal of entertainment and recreation. 

Some stories are used to entertain, some to promote products, some to convince management on this great proposal you have – and some stories are used to inspire and drive us into action. Stories can be so powerful that they can redefine the course of our lives to become better people

That is why the Qur’an is full of stories – from the prophets, the best of mankind, to examples of the worst of disbelievers, including Iblis, and Firaun, and so on – to illustrate to us the best examples, the worst examples and in fact everything in between!

وَكُلًّا نَقُصُّ عَلَيْكَ مِنْ أَنْبَاءِ الرُّسُلِ مَا نُثَبِّتُ بِهِ فُؤَادَكَ ۚ وَجَاءَكَ فِي هَٰذِهِ الْحَقُّ وَمَوْعِظَةٌ وَذِكْرَىٰ لِلْمُؤْمِنِينَ

And each [story] We relate to you from the news of the messengers is that by which We make firm your heart. And there has come to you, in this, the truth and an instruction and a reminder for the believers.

(Hud 120)

Allah tells us that the stories of the previous prophets are there to strengthen the heart of Prophet Muhammad ﷺ himself! So if it strengthened him, how much more of an effect should that have for you and me?

With that in mind, what are YOUR personal favorite stories from the Qur’an?

In no particular order, these are my favorite stories which I find most inspiring and can learn many practical lessons from

1. Adam and Iblis (Surah Al-Baqarah, Al-A'raf, etc) 

2. David & Goliath @ Daud, Jalut & Talut (Surah Al-Baqarah 246-251)

3. The man of 2 Gardens (Surah al-Kahf 32-43)

4. Upbringing of Musa and his eventual epic confrontation with Fir'aun (Surah Ta-Ha, al-Qasas) 

5. The people of the cave (Surah al-Kahf, 9-26)

6. The lifetime of Prophet Yusuf (the whole story in Surah Yusuf!)

Share your thoughts: what are your favorites?

Who is the Qur’an for, anyway?

 

Every now and then, I hear expressions by people who feel that they that whenever they are “slacking” from their relationship with Qur’an - they stopped memorizing, reciting and/or learning the Book of Allah - they then console themselves with the thought that “oh well, at least my child is memorizing”. Bagi sedap hati. Masha Allah, alhamdulillah. 

One time, I remember discussing with a friend the importance of memorizing Qur'an and the powerful, transformative impact it can have on our lives. His response? 

"okay. I will send my son to memorize Qur'an" 

But if this is our way of consoling ourselves, and the attitude of dismissing and delegating to our children, then it reveals a fundamental problem in understanding the purpose of the Qur’an: Who is the Qur’an for, anyway? 

If we feel complacent when our household has a relationship with the Qur’an, we are approaching the Qur’an as if it’s something you can outsource or “sub-conned” to another party. That as long as “somebody in my household” is doing it, then I’m okay. That’s like an unemployed person who puts no effort, giving the excuse that “it’s okay, at least my cousin’s got a job”. Or an overweight individual who refuses to exercise, but consoles himself by saying “well, at least my wife exercises”. 

Once you console yourself this way, then you have let yourself off the hook. You have refused responsibility and taking ownership for yourself. 

The Qur’an isn’t something you just subcon like an e-hailing app. The Qur’an was sent for YOU. Your guidance, your source of inspiration, motivation, comfort and development. Your source of barakah. Your means of success in dunya and akhirah. If you abandon it, you are only cheating yourself and depriving yourself from these blessings. 

If you really have been slacking off, it would be better to just humble yourself and admit, “you know what? I am slacking. I am doing a lousy job. And I dislike this state that I am in. And I genuinely want to put in the effort to improve, and I pray and beg Allah that He Helps me in this endeavor”. 

Don't need to get defensive, or justify our inaction. Use this healthy guilt to inspire you to step up and take action. Take the baby steps to improve. Reach out. Find a teacher or friend who can help you in Qur'an. Aim for Progress, not perfection. 

AND, on top of that, enrol your children to learn Qur'an at the same time. 

Yes, no doubt, that if someone else does good because of your guidance - i.e. you send your children or spouse to good Qur’an lessons or courses - then you do get that reward. Yes, there’s that, insha Allah.

But don’t let shaitan trick you into convincing yourself to justify your inaction or non-productivity by giving yourselves reasons to be even MORE inactive and unproductive!

Let's make the best of our lives - especially this coming Ramadhan - get back on track and renew our relationships with the Book of Allah. 

يَا أَيُّهَا النَّاسُ قَدْ جَاءَتْكُمْ مَوْعِظَةٌ مِنْ رَبِّكُمْ وَشِفَاءٌ لِمَا فِي الصُّدُورِ وَهُدًى وَرَحْمَةٌ لِلْمُؤْمِنِينَ

“O Mankind! There has come to you, good advice from your Lord,

And a healing for that (diseases) in your breasts;

A Guidance and a Mercy for those who believe” (Surah Yunus, 57)

Leadership discussion and COP with Senior Engineers: Being the Change we want to see

Recently, we organized an open discussion with the senior engineers in our department to have an open leadership conversation to share our challenges, and best practices as seniors. 

Recalling my previous years, one of the struggles I faced when I was promoted to senior engineer was, "what are my roles as a senior?"

How do I delegate tasks? How do I balance between "taichi" of washing my hands off from responsibility vs. "micromanaging" by being too overbearing?

How do I deal with juniors who refuse to share information or their work, out of fears that I will hog their glory?

And how about development? Am I expected to teach them? How do I draw the line between "spoon-feeding" versus "hands off"? Can I just use the "sink of swim" philosophy and refuse to teach them, out of the excuse of letting them "develop faster"? 

I'm still learning myself - I'm not qualified to teach or to coach. But I'm "expected" to; Now what?! 

Perhaps, should I start adopting "grumpy old man" sentiments: Are these "new generation" of people so manja that they need us to hold their hands?

How do I manage my OWN deliverables, capability development and performance, on top of all this supervision burdens? 

These were not easy questions, and none of them have straightforward solutions. No one provides coaching or training - so you kind of have to figure it out, through a constant battle of trial and error. Sometimes, I had some success (or at least I'd like to think so), and sometimes, I fell flat on my face, messed up bigtime. 

I knew that if I had to go through these struggles, I'm sure there are others who are going through the same. And we can't leave it up to chance or the person's individual capacity to just "figure it out" and expect to magically have quality leaders. 

I told myself, one day, if I ever be a manager, I would put in focused effort to facilitate the guidance & development of future leaders.

Provide the soft skills guidance I never had (and I wish I did). Be the change I've always wanted to see. 

Well, that day has come. Time to walk the talk. 

Hence we organized this session to discuss and iron out these challenges. But the plot twist was to do it as a team, not just individual 1-on-1. Create a community of practice to hear and learn from each other. Admittedly, I was super nervous at the idea, not knowing how it would turn out. Would it backfire and turn into a townhall mob? Would the seniors protest out of frustration of adding up more responsibility to an already heavy workload? 

To my delight, the session went really well. Many of them shared some really good insights; some of the challenges they faced, and how they developed the courage to delegate and collaborate, without the awkwardness of competing with each other. 

Some of my favorite highlights I heard from the team:

1. Delegation mindset: "if i micromanage the calculations / simulations, i am robbing the juniors from the opportunity to learn & do"

2. "Kita semua cari makan. Tak payah nak selfish" - Early on, discuss what is the expectations towards each other. Clear roles what to do. Mutually agree, who leads what, who claims what in performance appraisals. Be proactive; don't just wait for management directions. 

3. Keep up a regular and consistent (e.g. weekly) habit of communicating with each other to build trust: To know each other better to understand their strengths, gaps, and capabilities so you can comfortably delegate.

4. Learn from our juniors too! Everyone has their own strengths

5. Allow them to opportunities to lead presentations (even our own tasks), while actively supporting them if they receive questions: this builds self-confidence AND trust with us, knowing they are supported.

A major lesson here is that Rank equals responsibility. When we chase that promotion, we cannot just think of our own selfish needs. As you rise, more people will depend on you. And it's up to you to take responsibility and step up. 

You don't automatically become better leaders by rising up in ranks. Or else you will be repeating the same mistakes, only at higher ranks. You need to make a conscious choice to improve, to change, and to make a difference - not just repeat the cycle. 

I learnt a lot from the session, and I'm glad everyone had that safe space to share these practices, to listen and learn from each other. 

I don't know how effective it will be down the road, but  I would like to think - and hope - that we have planted a small seed towards crafting a better tomorrow, insha Allah. 

The Prophet ﷺ said,

"Each of you is like a shepherd, and each of you is responsible - and will be questioned - for your flock. 

A leader is responsible for his people - and he will be questioned about them." (Al-Bukhari)

Muawiyah finds a friend at the Masjid

 

Muawiyah finds a friend at the Masjid 

Masha Allah, so nice to see Muawiyah making new friends; completely beyond our expectations of this otherwise very introverted and shy little man.

Since he was an infant (~20 months old), we decided to bring Muawiyah to the masjid every day. Of course, at this age, he doesn't actually pray, so initially, the intent was to get him used to listening to Qur'an, to get accustomed to the mosque environment so that it would be easier to transition starting prayer, to build a habit of spending quality time with Abah. And as an added bonus: to allow some "me-time" for ibu to spend at home as I take him. 

Over the years, now that he is 4, I started observing a greater benefit, of bringing him to the masjid: associating positive childhood emotions with religion. With Islam. 

To craft a childhood experience that allows him to grow up learning that prayers aren't a chore, or a burden. Instead, the masjid is an awesome place to go, and that prayers can be a pleasant, even fun daily actiivity.

Trips to the masjid becomes an exciting opportunity to play with Abah: to piggy ride, chase each other and play hide and seek. To play with some random cats. To freely run around without being scolded (Alhamdulillah for such tolerant jemaah here in Miri). And now, make friends with other bois!

These small experiences might not seem very significant in the moment. But day by day, these positive experience pile up for the child, and it is with these, they eventually create childhood memories of a place he will remember being fond of. It's kind of like that "1% better" philosophy of consistency, with childhood emotions.

These days, every time I go, I give him a choice: "Muawiyah, do you want to follow Abah to the masjid?"

95% of the time, he says yes. In fact, it's such an emphatic, strong and decisive "yes", that we can use that as an excuse to get him to take a bath or brush his teeth, as a condition to follow Abah. Masha Allah, what a blessing, Allahumma barik. 

الحمد لله الذي بنعمته تتم الصالحات 

Here is looking forward and hoping more fathers bring their little ones more frequently the houses of Allah.

May Allah make our children the coolness of our eyes, and to love Allah and His Masajid

Value of True Integrity

When Umar ibn Al-Khattab was a caliph, he had a habit of going around at night in disguise to see if anybody needed help. One night, he overheard a conversation between a young lady and her mother. The mother was telling her daughter to mix milk with water and sell it in the market. 

The daughter reminded her that Caliph ʿUmar had prohibited such practices. The mother said, “ʿUmar cannot see you.” 

To which the daughter replied, “But the Lord of ʿUmar can.” 

ʿUmar was so impressed by this reply that he asked his servant to find out who that young lady was. When he learned more about her, he approached her with an offer to marry his son ʿĀṣim. She accepted the offer, and they married. From this marriage, they were gifted with a daughter by the name of Layla, who was the mother of the great legendary caliph, Umar ibn Abdul Aziz, whom people widely regard as the fifth righteous caliph (khulafa ar-rashidun). 

It is narrated that later ʿUmar had a dream, after which he used to say, “I wish I knew the man from my descendants, with a scar on his face, who will fill the earth with justice, just as it was full of injustice and oppression.” (Ref: Siyar Al-A'lam an-Nubala, Adz-Dzahabi, vol 5, p122) 

Many Muslim historians claim that the just ruler ʿUmar saw in his dream was actually ʿUmar bin Abdul Aziz. 

There are many profound life lessons we can derive from this story:

True Integrity: From this conversation, Umar immediately proposed to marry her off to his son, Asim. Why such a big life decision, on the basis of this short interaction? What about other aspects of this woman - her character, her worship, and so on?

On the surface, it might seem as if Umar went on a limb and took a bit of a "gamble" here, right? 

But no, this isn't the random actions of a rash individual. This was a deliberate, concise decision from the wisdom of one of the wisest, most righteous and knowledgeable companions of the Prophet ﷺ. 

Let's look at the circumstances this lady was in. She was in a seemingly isolated situation, with (what she thought had) no other witnesses in sight other than her own mother - who, in this case, also kind of acted as her manager and boss. 

She could have taken the "yes-man" approach and comply with her mother under the pretext of "obedience to parents", especially with the assurance that she won't get caught. It would have been the easy and convenient thing to do, and she would have had some "solid justification" too. And by the way, how many of us do this? Commit injustice, wrong or unethical decisions on the basis of "just following orders", "menurut perintah", "arahan dari atas"?

Yet she refused. It would be an unpopular and risky personal decision, one that would surely cause more inconvenience and hardship to her family - not to mention potentially jeopardize her relationship with her mother. But she made it clear that the basis of her decision, this seemingly act of defiance, was out of knowing full well that she will be accountable for her deeds on the Day of Judgment - and even she can hide from the caliph, she will never be able to hide from Allah. 

This accountability and watchfulness - Taqwa - is the true basis of integrity. To do the right thing when no one is watching. A far cry from the modern perception today that many people have: "as long as you don't get caught"

Umar deduced that, if a person could have the integrity to make the courageous decision to stand by her principles as her guiding compass for the courage to small decision of cheating for a few extra dirhams, then she would surely have the integrity for bigger, more important decisions in life. 

Decisions she would make as a wife, as a mother: with this end in mind. No matter how difficult or comfortable things get, taqwa will always be her guide, to govern her actions, her character, her worship. 

This is someone you can trust, and therefore someone you'd want to have in your household. 

This is why Umar married her off to his son. It was a rare quality then. It still is a rare quality today. If you find these rare amazing people, seize them. Hold on to them. They will be your friends in dunya and hereafter. 

May Allah make us and our families among the people of taqwa. 

Finally, this also teaches us about the barakah of righteous parents. Sometimes, the fruits behind our decisions actions won't be observed immediately. You never know when the barakah will come in. In this case, the ripple effects of this one decision came decades after Umar's death - in the form of his righteous grandson, Umar ibn Abdul Aziz!

And one last thing; a special message to the single guys and gals out there. Did this lady refuse to cheat, out of the intention of finding a spouse, let alone getting married to the son of the caliph? No. She did it out of taqwa. But from that one decision, Allah opened the doors of barakah in ways she never imagined. 

As always, the lesson remains the same: Do the right thing, with ikhlas. Leave the rest to Allah.

Nurturing Grit and courage in our children towards challenging tasks

Scary scene? 🙈

In our beach visit yesterday, our 4-yr Muawiyah developed confidence to climb the rocks with minimal supervision. Here's what I've learnt on nurturing Grit and courage:

1. Presence - Show them support without being overbearing and supervising every move. Be there just enough to Let them feel our presence, that provides assurance they are supported and we are there for them. 

2. Guidance - what I've learnt is, best to lead with actions, less with words. In this case, it's for me to first show Muawiyah what "safe climbing" looks like. Since boys like to compete, it's important that we express the virtue of care / safety, not speed. You dont have to give instructions for the whole task, just enough for them to take the next step. Then, let them figure it out. Provide the broad strokes, let them fill in the blanks.  

3. From start to finish, make it fun. The best way to cement any learning process - from reading, speech,  Qur'an, house chores, to prayers - is by affirming it with positive emotions. Celebrate their little wins: High fives, expressions of excitement such as "Awesome, little man!", "good try!" or "I knew you could do it!" are little positive habits that can help form an encouraging and enjoyable learning environment. 

4. Give them room to make mistakes - and don't nag if they do. Nagging only causes distress, and suppresses their desire for further attempts or to challenge their limits. Instead, debrief them respectfully about why this action causes that consequence, let them learn. 

5. Beware of distractions - At one point, the sight of some nearby teenagers made him nervous & rushed, almost falling as a result. Kids get distracted easily, and can cause them to lose focus and potentially getting hurt. 

6. Trust, respect and show confidence in their learning ability. Refrain from mocking, making fun , or laughing at his attempts, (no matter how irresistibly adorable it can be😅) 

After a few successful attempts, when I saw he had the confidence to do it by himself, then I allow him to go in front to take the lead, while I secretly took his video 🤓

What is the meaning and/or significance of these writings on masjid walls?

 

As a child, whenever I walk into Masjids, I have often wondered: What is the significance of these writings on the walls? And why are they so hard to read?!

The answer people always give me is that they just tell me nonchantly, "oh that's just Qur'an". But why these ayat? What is the significance? Do they have some special meaning or blessings to be recited, that they deserve a special place on the masjid walls?

Just like most of my experience in my childhood years of studying Islam, I never really got satisfactory answers.

Until now, Alhamdulillah. After understanding a bit more of Qur'an, and also thanks to technology of search engine in Qur'an apps, I now have the answers: basically, these are just a variety of different ayaat (verses) of the Qur'an - not necessarily complete ayat, mind you - all of which are selected that contain concise, powerful short messages that serves as reminders every time we set foot in the masjid. There are no additional "spiritual" significance in a sense that they don' t provide "protective barrier" , as some Muslims might believe. 

From this masjid (Masjid Al-Syifa @ Bandar Penawar, Johor), this is what I gathered:

A. A call to Unity upon our common principles

وَاعْتَصِمُوا بِحَبْلِ اللَّهِ جَمِيعًا وَلَا تَفَرَّقُوا

And hold fast, all of you together, to the Rope of Allah (i.e. this Quran), and be not divided among yourselves (Surah Ali Imran, 4:103)

B. Establishment of prayer times

إِنَّ الصَّلَاةَ كَانَتْ عَلَى الْمُؤْمِنِينَ كِتَابًا مَّوْقُوتًا

"Verily, the prayer is enjoined on the believers at fixed times." (Surah An-Nisa, 4:103)

C. Among the most Beautiful Attributes of Allah (side note: there is a scholarly opinion that considers أَرْحَمُ الرَّاحِمِينَ as the Greatest Name of Allah)  

 فَاللَّهُ خَيْرٌ حَافِظًا وَهُوَ أَرْحَمُ الرَّاحِمِينَ

"And Allah is the Best of Guardians, and He is the Most Merciful of those who show mercy." (Surah Yusuf, 12:64)

D. Reminder for remembrance and gratitude

فَاذْكُرُونِي أَذْكُرْكُمْ وَاشْكُرُوا لِي وَلَا تَكْفُرُونِ

"Therefore, remember Me, and I will remember you, and be grateful to Me, and never be ungrateful to Me." (Surah Al-Baqarah, 2:152)

E. The blessings of Guidance

وَهُدُوا إِلَى الطَّيِّبِ مِنَ الْقَوْلِ وَهُدُوا إِلَىٰ صِرَاطِ الْحَمِيدِ

"And they are guided (in this world) unto goodly speech and they are guided to the Path of Him, Who is Worthy of all praises." (Surah Al-Hajj, 22:24)

Really powerful stuff, masha Allah! 

One childhood question remains, though: Why do they make it so difficult to read? Personally, I find it frustrating that they put so much effort to make it so decorative to the point of being unreadable, that they might have lost the plot altogether. Form over function. As a result, many of us just end up casually dismissing these pretty caligraphy as "wall art". The irony is sometimes graffiti on murals are easier to understand its subtext compared to overly decorative Quranic writings. 

If these are meant to be reminders, they should be clear to us, not force me to squint my eyes and search my Qur'an software. And alang2 tu, since Malaysians are collectively so poor in Arabic (myself included), just put up the translations so we can benefit from them. Function over form. That's my jam. 

But hey, that's just my opinion. What do you guys think? Share your thoughts! 

Developing Professional Resilience Tip #10: Empathy.

 

Another important tip to help us develop resilience in handling harsh criticism is a little thing called empathy: to detach yourself from the situation and put yourself in the shoes of the critics. To experience and understand the criticism from their perspective and circumstances and context, devoid of judgment: Not agreeing or disagreeing, just understanding. 

Essentially, it all comes down to what Stephen Covey defines this as the fifth habit in his book, "7 Habits of Highly Effective People": Seek first to understand, then to be understood. 

There could be underlying personal and/or professional reasons behind why they behave the way that they do. Maybe they are struggling with other challenges. Maybe their own competency is falling short. Maybe they themselves are terrible at empathy or anger management. 

It doesn't necessarily justify unprofessional or disrespectful behaviour, but at least when you are able to see it from their perspective, you can objectively understand where they are coming from and acknowledge how difficult it must be for them, and for us too, if we were in their shoes. This gets us into collaborative problem-solving mode, and in fact even allow us to learn the other side of the experience: what NOT to do, if you faced that same situation on the other side one day! 

Of course, this is easier said than done.  Why would I empathize with my supposed tormentor, right? 

What I've learnt is that, if you practice this well, you are a lot more effective to achieve a higher objective in the big picture, beyond ego or personal gratification. 

Back in my junior days, I remember making a technical presentation to a subject matter expert who was very disrespectful and arrogant. Interrupting at every point, antagonizing the meeting participants, and refusing to listen to what we had to say. Even though, ironically, our proposal was actually supporting him and his team - it's just that he was too stubborn to listen! 

It turns out that prior to our meeting, he had been through series of meetings wherein other people refused to listen to him. Objectively speaking, I could see why: he wasn't an easy person to work with, and was notorious in his not-so-pleasant work ethic. In fact, when I shared with my colleague that I will be presenting to this SME, my colleague advised "Faisal, it's Ramadhan, make sure you exercise patience". 

I didn't understand at the time, but after experiencing the meeting, I saw why. With a demeanor like that, naturally people wouldn't want to listen to you, let alone work with you. Which fueled his frustration and arrogance even more! 

Then we realized, the solution is to just let him talk. Even though it was OUR presentation. When he was done and I realised that we were actually in alignment, all I had to do is to re-package the entire presentation to his perspective and how it will fulfill his needs. And voila! He concurred and even supported our proposal offline. 

In the recent workshop which I got bashed, I managed to get some private 1-on1 time to talk to the main person who gave me a hard time. Turns out, at this point of time, he was new to the role, and was struggling with challenges related to our team counterparts. When I could see it from his viewpoint, it changed the way I received his tough feedback. Of course, it still hurts, but at least my rational mind can understand and can bring myself to see the merit of his criticism, and we could eventually find common ground to an agreeable solution. 

Empathy isn't just some lovey dovey concept that HR tosses around to make people feel good. When implemented well, it allows us to gain perspective to our surroundings, give us an insight to make better objective judgment. 

Finally, a Question: What if, after practicing empathy, we find that a person is disrespectful for no other reason that he/she is simply an arrogant jerk? 

Go back to tip #5: that's their problem, not yours!  

9 tips to Develop Professional Resilience to Handle Tough Criticism and Feedback (~5 min read)

 

Earlier this week I attended a meeting which I faced some pretty intense criticism. 

It was tough, but it was a valuable learning experience that really got me to realize:

One of the most important life skills and aspects of professionalism we have to train ourselves is to develop the patience and resilience to handle professional criticism, tough judgment from the mob of netizens, and good 'Ol fashioned "bashing by the chairman"

The professional and business environment can be harsh, and even more so in social media. Therefore, if we don't learn the right mindsets and attitudes to confront these uncomfortable situations, it can be paralyzing when we take criticism too personally and dwell on it.

But how can we develop it? Especially us sensitive Malaysians? 

Based on my learning and experience, here is sharing some personal guidelines, 9 tips and mindsets I try training myself on how to handle harsh criticisms and develop professional resilience:

1. Keep calm and "Procrastinate" your emotional response - If you feel emotionally compromised, due to anger, shame or hopelessness in the moment that can derail your rational mind from being objective, then just refrain yourself from saying anything. Don't allow your emotional self to act or blurt out things that you will regret, feel embarrassed or obliged to apologize later on. Just pretend to be patient and hold yourself together long enough, until you find the private space, to proceed to #2. 

The Prophet said, "Whoever tries to be patient, Allah will make him patient" (Al-Bukhari) 

"Do not say anything for which you will have to apologize for " (ibn Majah) 

2. Embrace and process those hard emotions (it helps to have compassionate and supportive company by your side), take your time, but don't dwell on it too long. Then close that book, and move on for good. 

Whatever undesirable outcome that happened, consider it as a closed chapter in your book that we learn and take lessons from, so don't carry grudges or emotional baggage. That situation was to educate us, so use it to be wiser, not bitter. 

3. Nothing personal: Separate "me" from "my work" - This is important. Always Reframe the criticism to think of it as a critique against your work, and not you as a person. The criticism does not degrade the value your personal self worth. Neither is it a personal declaration of war or hostility against you. 

This was, in fact, a reminder that even Allah consoled His Prophet, Muhammad ﷺ as he endured being mocked by his own tribesfolk throughout his lifetime:

قَدْ نَعْلَمُ إِنَّهُ لَيَحْزُنُكَ الَّذِي يَقُولُونَ فَإِنَّهُمْ لَا يُكَذِّبُونَكَ وَلَٰكِنَّ الظَّالِمِينَ بِآيَاتِ اللَّهِ يَجْحَدُونَ

We know indeed the grief which their words cause you (O Muhammad ﷺ ):

it is not YOU that they deny, rather, it is the Verses (the Quran) of Allah that the oppressors deny. 

(Surah Al-An'aam 6:33) 

After all, it's just judgment against your work, nothing more. Even the best world-class artists, performers, leaders, and scholars, even they were not spared from criticism, either. 

4. Growth mindset - As you keep improving yourself, always consider yourself to be a "work in progress". Any criticism laid against you is only your current "phase". 5 years down the road, you're probably going to look back and consider this moment as a time when "I was young and less experienced" or "in my younger, foolish days" 

5. If others showed you disrespect, arrogance, or hurled personal attacks against you, it's their loss, not yours. Don't retaliate or retort. 

Don't give bullies the satisfaction of getting to your head or getting you upset. 

As long as you don't fight back or react emotionally, the honor is yours (and people will see it, too) 

Imam Ash-Shafi’ee once said,  “Say what you wish in abuse of me, for my silence towards an ignorant foolish person, is indeed an answer. I am not at a loss for a response but rather, it does not befit the lion to answer dogs.” 

خُذِ الْعَفْوَ وَأْمُرْ بِالْعُرْفِ وَأَعْرِضْ عَنِ الْجَاهِلِينَ

"Show forgiveness, enjoin what is good, and turn away from the foolish" (Surah Al-A'raf, 7: 199) 

وَعِبَادُ الرَّحْمَٰنِ الَّذِينَ يَمْشُونَ عَلَى الْأَرْضِ هَوْنًا وَإِذَا خَاطَبَهُمُ الْجَاهِلُونَ قَالُوا سَلَامًا

"And the slaves of Ar-Rahman (The Most Merciful) are those who walk on the earth in humility and sedateness, and when the foolish address them (with bad words) they reply back with mild words of gentleness." (Surah Al-Furqan 25:63) 

Keeping the end (akhirah) in mind, any form of disrespect also means them donating their righteous deeds to you on Day of Judgment! 

6. Hold the Fort, and keep the big picture in mind - when you receive harsh criticism, or ridiculous demands (e.g." I want this yesterday"), sometimes the convenient thing to do is to give in and just say "yes". 

But remember, it's not about you. If you have a clear intention, stand your ground and don't just cave in under pressure. 

The submissive "yes" might resolve the discomfort in the moment, but could result in a lot of problems down the road and compromise the bigger picture: your team, your project, or your goals. 

And when things go sour later because we didn't put our foot down, ego starts to creep in: we will be tempted to play victim, blame others, throw others under the bus, or give some lame excuses

If you are unable to make the call, then clearly state it, and own up to the consequences. 

7. Focus on SELF improvement - Drive yourself with the desire to be better, not to beat others. Bury the desire to "prove them wrong" - it has the dangerous risk of turning things personal and escalate into an unhealthy cycle of revenge. 

The Prophet ﷺ said, "glad tidings to the person who busies himself in rectifying his own faults, instead of busying himself hunting the faults of others!" (al-Hakim) 

8. Use humor - Here's what I recently try to adopt: Don't take yourself too seriously! Whenever you can remain composed and confident, strategically use humor wherever you can. But be mindful to use it in a sincere & humble self-deprecating kind of way, not the sarcastic, cynical "what-a-stupid-opinion" way. 

From time to time, I try to slip in the casual "I know, right?", "oof, you got me there" or raise my hands and say "guilty as charged, your honor" 

Not only does this defuse the situation and elevates the atmosphere, but subconsciously communicates a confidence that you are unphased, receptive and welcoming for others to speak up and share their thoughts. 

This isn't easy, of course. I could never do this in my younger days. It requires training to get rid of ego, learn self-awareness and gaining empathy of our surroundings, and of course, trial and error. In fact, if you aren't totally calm and composed, or unsure of how they will react, best not to risk it, or else you may have it backfire completely if you sound pretentious or condescending. 

9. Be nice - Wherever you can, show kindness and generosity to your critic. When the professional setting is finished and the boxing gloves are off, you can immediately have a coffee together and hit it off as friends. Demonstrate, by your actions, that you acknowledge that the criticism is nothing personal, and they got nothing to feel bad about. It's just work. And I'm a big boy. 

So that's it! Ultimately, when we combine these elements, the end product and tip of the iceberg is to develop mental toughness, of which the Prophet ﷺ described:

"True strength isn't to overcome others through wrestling them with your physical strength. Rather, the truly strong person is the one who controls himself when he is in a state of anger" (Al-Bukhari) 

Any others? Share your thoughts!