Positive Discipline Tools: Summary

1. Win children over, instead of using your power to win over children.

2. Provide opportunities for children to develop and practice the Significant Seven perceptions and skills to increase their sense of self-worth:

a. Strong perceptions of personal capabilities: “I am capable”.

b. Strong perceptions of significance in primary relationships: “I contribute in meaningful ways and I am genuinely needed”.

c. Strong perceptions of personal power or influence over life: “I can influence what happens to me”.

d. Strong intrapersonal skills: ability to understand personal emotions and use that understanding to develop self-discipline and self-control.

e. Strong interpersonal skills: ability to work with others and develop friendships through communicating, cooperating, negotiating, sharing, empathizing and listening.

f. Strong systemic skills: ability to respond to the limits and consequences of everyday life with responsibility, adaptability, flexibility and integrity.

g. Strong judgmental skills: ability to use wisdom and to evaluate situations according to appropriate values.

3. Stop “telling” and start “asking” in ways that invite children to participate in problem solving.

4. Use the Four Steps for Winning Cooperation: Express understanding for child’s feelings; show empathy without condoning; share your feelings and perceptions; invite the child to focus on a solution.

5. Remember that the FEELING behind what you do or say is more important than what you do or say.

6. Involve children in brainstorming the chores that need to be done and a plan for doing them.

7. Avoid pampering so children can develop a belief in their own capabilities.

8. Teach and practice that mistakes are wonderful opportunities to learn.

9. Teach and practice the three R’s of Recovery from Mistakes: Recognize, Reconcile, Resolve.

10. Make sure the message of love gets through.

رَبَّنَا هَبْ لَنَا مِنْ أَزْوَاجِنَا وَذُرِّيَّاتِنَا قُرَّةَ أَعْيُنٍ وَاجْعَلْنَا لِلْمُتَّقِينَ إِمَامًا

“Our Lord! Bestow on us from our wives and our offspring who will be the comfort of our eyes, and make us leaders to the people of taqwa”

(Al-Furqan 25:74)