🏆 Best Participant #AKYC23: Fatih 🧒🏻 - Five observations, what makes him a champ 🏅

This was the best participant among the brothers for Al Khaadem Youth Camp 2023: 16-year old Muhammad Al-Fatih. Among one of my students in the 16 Leads classroom. My man! 💪🏽

These are five of my personal observations of him throughout the camp, and why I fully support him as the Best Participant: 

1. Embodying Valor: Confronting his fears. Very early on in the first module session, I set the tone for the camp on what it is to have Courage and "Valor" (the theme of the camp): Courage isn’t absence of fear, but triumph over it. To confront our fears (through seeking help and putting our Trust in Allah), instead of being defeated or paralyzed by fears. 

Since he was homeschooled all his life, and admittedly a shy introvert, he doesn’t know how to socialize, and was terrified to speak in public. During the group presentations towards the end, I told the 16 Leads - since you’re all leaders, I give you guys total freedom to sort out among yourselves, what topics you want to talk about and who are your speakers, given the presentation time. 

Guess who stepped up? 

    

Five people stepped up - and they weren’t even the loudest people in the class. And among them, one of them was this dude: my man, Fatih, who wanted to step up to challenge himself, and confront those fears head on. 

He later told me that the experience was terrifying - yet satisfying all the same. Now that you’ve confronted that fear once, the next time isn’t going to be so scary. You’ve pushed your boundaries just that bit further. 

    

And that’s what courage looks like to me.  

    

2. Implemented the lessons - In addition to socializing and public speaking, Fatih also confronted another fear: Darkness. 

During one of the most intense activities of the camp, where participants went hiking at 2:00am with only one headlight in the team (given to the team leader in front), Fatih’s group was the one furthest behind among the boys. And of all people, he was assigned as the sweeper of the team - walking at the back, just in front of the sisters. As time passed by, the gap with the sisters grew bigger and bigger - and eventually they were lost on his trail. And that was it. There was no person in sight behind him. Total, pitch black darkness, with no one behind you. For a hike that lasted 2 hours, this was terrifying. 

What he do? 

He implemented the lessons he learnt in our module session, "you are not alone": Keep on reciting surah al-falaq & surah an-nas. As terrified as he was, remember what he learnt and put our trust in Allah. He made it through the activity with zero incidents, a wiser man

3. Responsibility: Stepping up as a leader - Officially, he isn’t the group leader of his team. But his group leader suffered a medical condition that always made him unavailable to be with the team. Without whining, second-guessing, blaming the “unfair circumstances”, or just giving excuses, Fatih voluntarily stepped up to take up the role as group leader. Remember the context: this was someone who was terrified of socializing and speaking up. Stepping up to be a leader was kind of a big deal. When I asked him “why did you step up?” - he said, “seemed like the reasonable thing to do. Who else would do it?” 

    

To him, being responsible - taking accountability - was embedded in his DNA. It is often said that masculinity is taking responsibility. If that were true, you the man, bro.

    

4. Great student - He was consistently attentive from start to finish. Throughout all 4 module sessions we had together as the 16 Leads, never did I see him doze off or fall asleep, despite the tiredness and late-night timings. Even in the supplementary modules of leadership that ended at 1:00am, Fatih was attentive to the last minute.

5. Took care of the young guy in his group - Early on in the camp, I briefed my 16 Leads: you guys are my abangs (big brothers) of the camp. How you treat your younger brothers in your respective teams, they will remember it. If you treat them with kindness, generosity, respect, and show them encouragement and support, this might be the one event that inspires them and change the course of their lives, because of you. Fatih shared with me that throughout the camp, he really put in the effort took care of the younger group members. And towards the end of the camp, before they all went their separate ways, the younger boy secretly passed a letter to Fatih which read: “I love you”. 

    

Wow. Until that moment, I never knew that 9 or 10-year olds were capable of bromance. 

    

Again, notice a consistent pattern of his behavior: He takes the knowledge to heart, puts it to action, by immediately implementing what he learns. 

    

And that, my friends, is what “best participant” looks like. Well deserved, my brother 🏅

Saturday morning hike @ Taman Tugu Trail with Tok Mum , Aunty Izyan and Ihsaan - 30 Dec 2023

 

Nice hiking trail at Taman Tugu, KL. Nice variety of landscape, really well made trails with so many branching options, you can take trails lasting anywhere between 30 mins to 3 hours.

The trail we took was about 5.71km taking us 2 hours. Very kid-friendly and pleasant hiking trail nothing to steep or overly adventurous - our 5yo Muawiyah could blaze through it with ease 🏃💨 - as long as masih ada battery 🔋😂. Highly recommended weekend activity with the families! 

AKYC Bonus Modules: Leadership 101 - What does Effective Leadership look like?

 

Throughout the Youth Camp, I made some interesting observations on the leadership and teamwork dynamics for the teams, and I thought this would be an interesting opportunity to coach these children - especially the more senior participants. 

For my class of 16 Leads, since some of them a group leaders in their teams, I decided to offer them a short 1-hour Leadership class, hearing from their perspectives, and drawing some insights from leadership knowledge and experience I’ve gained throughout my experience from work, formal trainings, books, and family interactions. The kind of leadership insights I wish I got when I was younger.

Here are 5 of the topics we brought up together

1. Followership: Good leadership begins with being a great follower to begin with

    

I begin the sharing by asking: If you were a leader, what kind of follower would you like? What are the characteristics of an “ideal follower” in your mind? 

You might list down things like: Listening to instructions, cooperate, be a team player, encourage and uplift others, to be the team to support & realize the vision of the leader, etc.

    

Food for your thought: are YOU that kind of follower to YOUR leaders? 

    

Is it fair to expect your followers to be like that, but you yourself fail to uphold to those standards? 

    

Message to leaders: If we want great followers, we need to talk the talk first. 

    

The fourth caliph in Islam, Ali bin Abi Talib was once criticized by one of his citizens - he said, “ya Ali, why is it during your rulership, the land is full of chaos and turmoil, but in the time of Umar (the 2nd caliph), things were great?!”

    

Ali said, “because in the time of Umar, he had followers like me. 

    

And during my rule, I had followers like you.”

    

Boom. 

    

Sometimes, having a great follower tends to have a greater impact to the team and the organization, instead of a leader. During the time of the Prophet ﷺ, he had great people like Abu Bakr, Umar would be such great followers, they would inspire and rally up the others around him. When you’re a leader, these are the ideal followers you’d want on your team. 

    

People always talk about leadership, but you almost never hear about the importance of being a good follower. Let’s call this “followership”. The reality is, no matter what role of leadership or responsibility we will be assigned to, we will always be answerable to another person - our bosses will also have their bosses, you gorup leaders are answerable to the camp commander, and so on. In other words: Sometimes, you DO need great leadership - but ALL the time, you will always need great followership.  

    

2. Building relationship with your team members - Great leaders put in extra effort to get to know their team members what their strengths are, knowing how best to unleash their potential. Everyone is unique. As a leader, don’t just wait for them to come to us: it’s up to us to find these hidden gems - provide a platform to bring it out from them, and support them. This was the habit of our Prophet ﷺ: he had a consistent habit of spending quality time with his companions on all circumstances, and that’s what made him such an excellent leader - he knew how to leverage the strengths of his companions, and he would empathize with their flaws and shortcomings, and knew how to give specific guidance and advice. 

3. Build Trust by showing generosity and kindness - The Prophet ﷺ said, “the best of leaders are those of you whom you love, and they too love you. Whom you supplicate for, and they too supplicate for you” (Muslim) 

    

Contrary to popular belief among youngsters, leadership isn’t about exerting your dominance over others or barking orders. 

    

One of the biggest challenges about being leaders at a youth camp or voluntary organizations: You don’t have formal authority, and unlike a boss at the workplace, you and your followers aren’t being paid. They aren’t obliged to listen to you, and there are no tangible consequences for disobedience. Barking orders just ain’t gonna cut the mustard.

    

The most important natural way to nurture genuine leadership is by building influence & loyalty: and the most organic, human way to do so it to build trust: you do so by getting to know them, active listening, showing encouragement, generosity and kindness, working together getting your hands dirty together with them, facilitating healthy interaction between them so we can build stronger bonds. These were all subtle things that the Prophet ﷺ would do with his companions - and it’s these small things that add up that increased in their loyalty and love for their leaders. This is the power of EQ: emotional intelligence. 

    

4. Toxic Team members - One group leader in our class mentioned that he was struggling with having an uncooperative team member, who just wanders off and refuses to cooperate. I said, yes - this is the reality of life. In pretty much all circumstances, we cannot choose who we work with - group mates in our university, our colleagues, our bosses, our board members, government authorities, etc. And in these circles, there is bound to be difficult or downright toxic people. Even our Prophet Muhammad ﷺ had to confront toxic followers.

    

Who were they? 

    

The hypocrites (Munafiqun): groups of people who were imitating to be companions, but showed open rebellion, refused to cooperate, poisoned other followers. 

    

And the more we learn the sirah and leadership etiquettes of Rasulullah ﷺ, the more we learn how Allah teaches us to handle toxic followers. We can’t change people; what we can do educate, guide, manage, inspire - leave the rest to Allah.

    

5. Focus on efforts, not results: Learning to Handle and Accepting failure. When I asked the class, “what is leadership?” some of them said “driving the team to win”. But in reality, true leadership in Islam is about results: it’s about the effort.

    

Consider the case of Prophet Nuh. He was the first messenger sent to mankind - he called them to worship Allah Alone for 950 years (29:14), and scholars of tafsir mentioned he had less than 100 followers. That boils down to probably less follower every ten years. 

    

Let that sink in: If you open a random YouTube or instagram account, you’ll probably gain more followers, way faster than that. 

    

Yet, Nuh was among the most beloved people to Allah - among the top 5 ulul azmi of His Messengers!

    

On top of that, the Prophet ﷺ also said, there are prophets who have only a handful of less than 10 followers. And there are prophets with zero followers. (Al-Bukhari) 

Are they failures? No - in fact, they are the most successful and beloved people to Allah!

In this camp, focus on the journey, not just the destination & end goal of "winning". It’s about the journey of helping and guide others, and creating the best experience along the way. If we fail, we fail together - we take it in stride and keep moving forward. We keep each other’s head up high, support each other, keep striving for the best. 

    

And if we win? Alhamdulillah!

    

We finished at about 1:00am - but Alhamdulillah these kids were still very attentive and wide awake. Alhamdulillah am glad we could share some insights to our teenagers, and we hope that with these small nuggets of wisdom, we can plant the seeds to nurture future leaders

What Do You Fear? What Valor and True Courage really means

 

“The hero and the coward both feel the same thing, but the hero uses his fear, projects it onto his opponent, while the coward runs. It's the same thing, fear, but it's what you do with it that matters." - Cus D'Amato

For the first module session for our 16 Leads classroom, I wanted to set the tone for the classroom, in line with the theme of the youth camp: Valor. The Courage to step up in the face of battle. 

What is valor? What does it mean to have courage? Who is the brave one?

Is courage to be fearless? Is the brave person a person that has absolutely zero fears?

Nelson Mandela said, “I learned that courage was not the absence of fear, but the triumph over it. The brave man is not he who does not feel afraid, but he who conquers that fear.”

The Qur’an relates several examples to illustrate this point. 

1. Both Prophet Musa and his brother Prophet Harun felt intense fear when they were about to confront Fir’aun (20:45-46). During the confrontation itself, when the magicians cast their magic to make the items move like snakes, Musa felt intense fear and Allah reminded him to not be afraid (20:66-68). Yet in spite of the fear that Prophet Musa felt - he made du’aa, and asked Allah for help (in his brother Harun), and proceeded to obey the commandments of Allah.

1. In the Battle of Al-Ahzab, when 3000 Muslims defending Madinah were invaded by a huge army of 10,000 - Allah described that the enemies came swarming from above, and under, and the believers were disoriented, with their hearts to their throats due to intense fear, and severely tested (33:10-11). Yet the believers stepped up, confident in the help and promise of Allah (33:22) - this is true courage. Valor. On the other hand, the hypocrites gave excuses to back down and chicken out (33:12-13) - defeated, overcome by fear. Cowardice. 

Notice how, in the case of Al-Ahzab, both believers and hypocrites had fear. But it’s how they dealt with it, that defined them. 

Among the hidden roles of the was-was (whispers) of shaytan (satan) is to turn is into cowards. By whispering doubts and negative thoughts, to the point that we become overwhelmed, paranoid, and get obsessed with overthinking, and eventually become paralyzed from taking action. 

“That is only Satan who frightens [you] of his supporters. So fear them not, but fear Me, if you are [indeed] believers.” (3:175)

The Brave person is the one who, in spite of the fear, and the uncertainty outside of one’s comfort zone, he steps up to take action. And in some fears that are spiritually related (fear of Allah, fear of Allah’s punishment, the day of judgment), use that fear the motivate and DRIVE us to protect ourselves through righteous deeds, as well as refraining and repenting from sins - not just sit idle in despair.

There is a saying in Arabic:

في الحركة بركة

“In movement - in taking action - There is blessings (barakah).” 

Once we take action - we take the means, we get assistance, we assess the situation, we consult people of knowledge - that progress takes us one step closer. And with every step - especially for a noble cause to seek the pleasure of Allah - Allah will add the barakah for that. 

So, once we’ve set the tone for the relationship of fear and courage, our class exercise was for our students to share: what do you fear? 

What is immediately apparent is that the fears that these boys shared are actually very relatable. 

The reality is, we fear a lot of things. We might fear public speaking. We might fear “do I have what it takes to find a good job, or be successful in life?” We might fear our family future - what kind of wife will I marry? What kind of a father will I be? We fear the consequences of da’wah, putting an appearance or dressing that is in accordance with the shari’ah and what Allah loves - like wearing the hijab, or keeping the beard. We fear socializing in an unfamiliar environment.

But what differentiates us - is whether we have the courage to take action, to use that fear to drive us, or do we just chicken out, stay passive, give excuses and blame others (e.g. the government) like the hypocrites did. 

So, what do YOU fear? And what are you doing about it?

🧊 Ice Breaking Challenge - the #AKYC23 Kobayashi Maru test of leadership in confronting insurmountable odds

 

This was an interesting challenge in Al Khaadem Youth Camp 2023: the ice breaking challenge. Within a certain duration of time, participants are required to break open this huge block of ice to search for items (verses of short chapters in Quran). But they can only use chopsticks (one each), and they are not allowed to drop-smash the block of ice.

Sounds simple, but there are important lessons and wisdoms behind it.

By the end of the exercise, we saw a huge variety of results. Many groups smashed their blocks. (i.e. they cheated) - therefore they got the task done quickly. Some groups continued to persist valiantly, with great diligence, but with little to no progress or effect to their blocks. Some groups managed to make some sizable, substantial cracks. Some groups made it halfway: one major incision and got parts of the items.

There was ONE group who solved their task and claimed they did it purely with their chopsticks. Kinda sus. Facis aren’t convinced.

Plot twist: this task is un-winnable, by design.

Why subject them to this torture?

In an episode of Star Trek, space cadets were tested with a simulation called the Kobayashi Maru. The simulation was designed in such a way that no matter what they do, they will lose - the crew will be outnumbered, and everyone will be killed. Captain Kirk was the only one who passed the test: by cheating his way through. He cannot stand failure.

So at the end, cadets who failed, they questioned: WHY design such impossible odds? What's the point of testing our leadership if its doomed to fail anyway?

In the mission debrief, this was the lesson:

“A no-win situation is a possibility every commander may face.
How we deal with death is at least as important as how we deal with life.
A captain cannot cheat death.The purpose is to experience fear - to accept that fear, and maintain control of oneself and one’s crew. This is a quality expected in every Starfleet captain”

Later during the module class session with my 16 Leads, we engaged them about the challenge - did you know that the ice-breaking game was practically un-winnable?

As I got puzzled, confused looks on their faces, I explained: The purpose here is to test - what is your attitude when you face insurmountable odds? Do you elevate the people around you to keep trying, and persevering to keep pressing forward? Or do you whine and complain and drag down the morale of others?

It was also a lesson in integrity. Here you are, hacking away at the ice, scratching rapidly, barely making milimeters of a dent. Yet, you look at the groups next to you, and you see some of them them secretly cheating by drop smashing the ice when the facis aren’t watching. No one would know, right? (side note: we will know. It will be super obvious to us)

As you're hacking away at the ice with those measly chopsticks, you're left wondering and questioning yourself, why do I have to play by the rules, and these other guys get to violate them?

Can’t we just smash it, win and move on?

If they gave in to those temptations, they might “solve” the task - but they will fail to see the lesson behind it.

You will face this in life. You will see people around you who break the rules to get it done. And on paper, on the surface, you’d think they have done an excellent job. They manage to dodge the auditors, bypass the QCs, and become top performers, high flyers.

You might end up in situations, an environment or working culture that everyone else is playing naughty - copying test results, taking bribes, forging documents, falsely claiming the work of others - and you’re left being the only fool who’s refusing to “play the game”, sticking “stubbornly” to your principles and losing out in the race.

When the choice of integrity honesty - not only does it become futile - it might even seem foolish. And the naughty path is so much easier, convenient, and gets immediate "results".

What will you do?

Coach Faisal's #AKYC23 Classroom: the “16 Leads” - Start off on the Right Footing: Get their Buy-in

 

When I volunteered as a speaker for Al-Khaadem Youth Camp, they committee assigned me to handle 16 years olds - the second oldest group of students in the camp, after Ustaz Adli’s class of 17-20 year olds.

Oh dear.

Having almost zero experience handling a group of teenagers, I was very nervous, with many negative expectations going in. I braced myself, setting the lowest possible expectations I could in handling older children. I was thinking to myself: “These 16 year olds are going to be difficult, rebellious, uncooperative. These older guys are gonna think they’re the cool kids of the bunch, and I’ll be waging war against my own temper just to handle these guys.”

But perhaps, they might turn out to be responsible, awesome big brothers?

So, my first strategy: Get their buy-in. I needed them to WANT to step up their game, not just be told what to do. These are smart kids. They can figure it out.

Right?

Here we go. First, I asked them - how many of you have younger siblings also attending the camp? How many of you are group leaders in their respective teams?
Majority raised their hands.

“This class - you guys - you are among the older participants of this camp. The Abangs of the group. The big brothers. You guys are seen as leaders. Whether you like it or not, your younger brothers, sisters, and team members will observe you and take you as role models. How you behave, they will copy you, emulate you - consciously or subconsciously.

If you choose to be the big rebellious kids who think they are too cool to participate, listen to orders, cooperate, or tolerate the young ones, then that’s what you will teach the other kids. “This is who I want to be when I become a senior youth camp participant in the future”.

On the other hand, if you choose to be the nice, awesome and cool big brothers, who are participative, enthusiastic, optimistic, encouraging, you generously help and guide the little ones around you, you build a relationship with them - you can inspire them. You have the chance to make this the best experience of their lives.

So, what experience do you CHOOSE to create for those around you?

When these kids go back home and tell their parents about AKYC, they will be talking about the camp. So this is my challenge to you: To be such a great big brother to these kids, that they will go home telling their mums, that they met this awesome big brother.

You think you can do that?”

“YES!”

Oh, wow. That defied my expectations. These guy are pretty awesome, after all.

This awesome class chose call themselves the "16 Leads". To remind themselves of their aspiration of being future leaders.
We came up with a manly battle cry - "16 Leads... HOO-AH!"

Okay, next: I need all of you to write down your Mission Statement covering these two:

1. WHY are you here in AKYC23? What is your intention of attending this Youth Camp?
2. What IMPACT do you want to have on yourself and those around you?

This is between you and Allah. Do you choose to be the rebellious kids - or the ones that leave an impact to them?

The Prophet ﷺ said, ““There are people who fast and get nothing from their fast except hunger, and there are those who pray and get nothing from their prayer but a sleepless night.”  (Ibn Majah)

Likewise - there are those who attend this youth camp, and get nothing except for tiredness, lack of sleep, sores on your body, difficult living conditions, and you will go home the same person.

But for some of you - this camp will grow you out of your comfort zone, inspire you to be better, and perhaps, even steer and change the course of your lives forever. So what do you want to achieve?

The Prophet ﷺ said, “إنَّمَا الْأَعْمَالُ بِالنِّيَّاتِ” - Every action has intention. What is yours?

Once you write that mission statement, keep it. Go through it all the time. Remind yourself: That’s why I’m here.

By the end of the first lesson, before I dismissed them, I asked them: Who’s responsibility is it to make this camp a good experience?

Surprisingly, many of them said, “we are”. I asked again. Even louder, they said, “WE ARE”.

I challenged them: “You guys? Not just the facis? Sheikh Hussain & the speakers? The coaches? The committee?”

They shook their heads.

“All of you are responsible for creating a good experience for everyone? For real?”

They nodded with a resounding, confident YES. To my amazement. Dude. These guys are absolute champs.

“Yes. You’re absolutely right. All of us are responsible.

Guys, I want to share something with you. I’m on a mission to create the best experience of this camp for everyone. I want this to be a life-changing experience. But I can’t do this alone. I need your help to make this happen with me.

You guys, you big brothers, you are my abangs. When we leave this class and you disperse into your groups for the activities, you will be my eyes and ears on the ground. I need you to pull your weight.

Can I count on you? Can we make this camp awesome together?

They all nodded.

And that, my friends - was the most satisfying classroom session I’ve ever had in my life.

AKYC23 Alkhaadem Youth Camp 2023 - VALOR: The Battle Begins, 19-24 December, Perlis - Day 1

Alhamdulillah this year marks the first time volunteering for @alkhaadem youth camp since 2014 (”Homecoming” at Trolak, Perak) - this time, in a different capacity: As a speaker & coach. 

Participants for this year’s Youth Camp reached an all-time high, with over 360+ participants ranging mostly from 9-17 year olds hailing from 18 different countries, and this year we have a special appearance, kickstarting our event beautifully with a warm welcoming from our hosts and tuan rumah, Raja Muda Perlis. The event ended on a high with the Night of Fire 🔥  - that saw epic bonfires lit up in dramatic archery fashion 🏹🎯, with a powerful reminder from Sheikh Hussain Yee on saving ourselves from the greater Fire of jahannam.

The theme chosen this year was Valor: The Battle Begins, creating awareness with our young participants on enemies - internal and external - who are all conspiring against us to sabotage our noble aspirations and ambitions. In this camp, our goals are for participants know their enemy, equip them with the basic (and at the same time, most important) tools to fight these enemies, for them to gain their footing and gain their valor in courage throughout their battles in life. 

Am grateful for the privilege to take off time from work to give back to our community, to contribute in helping to educate and inspire our future leaders - to give them the important life advice we wish we had, to steer them towards instilling high aspirations and reach for the stars and be the change that our communities need.

May Allah bless all our our efforts in sowing the seeds of a better tomorrow.

-Faisal a.k.a. “Sheikh wakeywakey”

🤲🏼🧒🏻 Tatkala Anak Nakal: Doakannya

Ibu kepada As-Sudais menanamkan satu tabiat yang menarik: bila anaknya nakal, dia akan sound: “semoga engkau menjadi imam Masjidil Haram!”

Sebagai ibu bapa, kita kena sedari, doa kita terhadap anak2 kita adalah mustajab. 

Rasulullah ﷺ bersabda:

ثَلَاثُ دَعَوَاتٍ يُسْتَجَابُ لَهُنَّ، لَا شَكَّ فِيهِنَّ: دَعْوَةُ الْمَظْلُومِ، وَدَعْوَةُ الْمُسَافِرِ، وَدَعْوَةُ الْوَالِدِ لِوَلَدِهِ

Maksudnya: “Tiga doa yang mustajab dengan tidak syak lagi padanya: 

1. Doa seorang yang dizalimi, 

2. Doa seorang yang bemusafir dan 

3. Doa ibu bapa kepada anaknya.” 

(Riwayat Ibn Majah (3862) - Syeikh Syu’aib al-Arna’outh menilai hadith ini sebagai hasan li ghairihi) 

Anak2 memang akan ada perangai mereka. Itu naluri & fitrah yang Allah Ciptakan dalam mereka. Nak ubah mereka, tak senang. Sebaliknya, apa yang lebih doable: Ubah sikap KITA sebagai parent. Edjas sikit, respons kita kepada anak bila mereka nakal.

Buanglah kata-kata yang buruk seperti “anak derhaka”, “budak tak guna” daripada kamus kita. Sebaliknya, latihlah diri kita untuk reverse psychology, dan doakan agar anak kita menjadi seorang yang hebat bila diorg buat hal.

Bila kacau adik, rosakkan barang rumah, buat bising, kita training diri kita untuk sound anak kita dengan ungkapan seperti “haihh hafiz Quran ni”, “ulamak betul la kau ni”, “abang imam, abang imam”, atau “aduh… mufti, mufti”

Cakap ulang2… barangkali dalam ulangan kita tu, terlintas niat ikhlas mendoakan mereka. Dan dalam berkali-kail mereka nakal itu, banyaklah doa kita.. lama-lama, who knows apa jadi? Who knows, bagaimana Allah kabulkan doa kita, wahai ibu dan ayah sekalian? Entah2 mereka jadi manusia hebat dalam masyarakat, di sisi Allah… disebabkan tabiat doa kita ni. 

Bayangkan perspektif ibu kepada As-Sudais ni.. melihat anak nakalnya yang bernama Abdul-Rahman… berulang-kali sound dia agar menjadi imam. Siapalah yang menjangka, dia betul2 akan jadi imam besar? Bukan sekadar imam, tetapi imam Masjidil Haram!

Demikianlah hebatnya doa ibu dan ayah. 

Jangan lupa sentiasa doakan untuk anak anda k!

Important Conversational skill: Sit on those “buts”

 

Back in our high school days, I remember reading this chain email that said, 

‘The sweetest three words one could hear is “I love you”. The most hurtful words are “I love you, but…”.’

In our recent Managerial Excellence training course, the training material emphasized that when we deliver feedback, we should actively avoid using the word “but”. 

Why? What’s the big deal with saying “but”?

“But” has a tendency to cancel out everything before it. 

The minute you say “but”, everything before that feels irrelevant. The same thing in Bahasa Malaysia. We tend to use the word “tapi”, or “cuma” -

And it can be incredibly frustrating when we are on the receiving end of these buts. We all know how it feels!

“I think this is a great initiative, but…”

“That’s a valid point, but..”

“Aku setuju, cuma..”

“Kerja kau bagus, tapi…”

Ugh. 

What’s so interesting is that I remember reading the exact same communication pointers in a parenting book, “How to Talk so Little Kids Will Listen” by Joanna Faber and Julie King. When our kids “misbehave”, the first step is to acknowledge their emotions (not necessarily their actions) - and the key to making this work is to avoid saying “but”. 

The author writes:

It is so very tempting to follow up a perfectly lovely statement accepting a feeling with the word BUT. We worry that our kids will think we approve of their negative behavior when we acknowledge a negative feeling. So, we sabotage our good intentions by saying:

“I understand you are furious, BUT you cannot hit your sister!”

”I know you want to stay and play, BUT it’s time to pick up your brother”

“I know you’re in the mood for cookies, BUT we don’t have any at home!”

“But” takes away the gift you’ve just given (of acknowledging their feelings). It’s like saying, “I hear how you feel and now I am going to explain to you why that feeling is wrong”. Imagine someone say, “I am so sorry your mother passed away. But hey, she’s dead, you’re alive, tears won’t change it; let’s move on!” (End Quote)

When we objectively place all of these together, it becomes clear - this isn’t an issue about lovebirds, corporate feedback, or little children. It’s a HUMAN thing. Not only does “but” negate everything that came before it; it can also be used — and perceived — as a way to diminish or undercut the object of the sentence or the person being spoken to.

Having the emotional intelligence to recognize how the small nuances in the choice of our words can completely derail our good intentions, and moving forward: How to choose our words wisely so to deliver more effective constructive feedback.

The strategy here is to BUILD instead of negate. Use your EQ agility to pick words to express “AND”, instead of “but”. 

Rather than using “but”, “tapi” or “cuma” to kill the momentum cancel out everything before it, use wordings that are constructive to build on that momentum. 

Adding, rather than contradicting, helps people feel more open. It also makes them more receptive to feedback or requests, and more likely to respond positively.

Here are two practical methods to avoid the “but” trap in our conversations:  

1. www.ebi

The ME training taught us with the www.ebi technique. No, it’s not a website; it’s a feedback framework that combined appreciative and constructive feedback in a forward momentum. Basically it goes like this - “what went well” (appreciative feedback), followed by “even better if”. 

So instead of saying “but”, we say “even better if”, framing it as the icing on the cake. “That study report was great work. Even better if you could….”

We can use slight variations to this: “I like that idea. What we ALSO need to consider..”

“That presentation was solid stuff! 

2. “The problem is”

What if something totally contradicts what you want? Like your child refusing to brush his teeth, or wanting to watch TV after bedtime? 

Author Joanna Faber suggests: “if you feel a but bubbling up, you can replace it with this handy sentence starter: the problem is…”

“It can be irritating to have to deal with a baby when you’re trying to build a spaceship! The problem is, babies don’t understand about Legos.” 

“How disappointing to find an empty box when you’re in the mood for cookies! The problem is, it’s too late to go shopping.”

“The problem is” suggests that there is a problem that can be solved without sweeping away the feelings. (End Quote)

We can use this at the workplace too. “I can understand why you mentioned ‘this isn’t important’ to the management committee. The problem is, in their perspective,…”

Or, you can frame it into a “how” question to shift the conversation to being constructive. 

“That idea does have its merits. How will we convince the partner’s concerns about…” 

Not only does this avoid the trap of negating their feelings, but if used well & with the right tone of voice, it has the power to turn us into PARTNERS and COLLABORATORS, instead of critics.

Do you use “buts” very often? How do you feel & respond when people “but” your every idea? Any other alternatives?

🏹 Miri Traditional Archery Challenge (MTAC) - 9 Disember 2023, Masjid Darul Ehsan Miri

 

Alhamdulillah dapat peluang untuk kali pertama saya turut serta dalam Game archery hari ini. 

Walaupun saya baru start main traditional archery ni dlm 2-3 bulan, atas dorongan coach, saya cuba je lah join untuk dapatkan “feel” masuk game. Memang cuak ler.. selama ni main 10+ meter je. Baru 2 kali main 40m, dah masuk competition. Dah la format 40, 30, 20m. Confem GG lah kan 😂. Sikpa lah, try jak..

Alhamdulillah pengalaman yang sangat best. Ada rasa syok lain macam bila menembak jauh2 ramai2.. Feel bila arrow landing.. Pressure bila kita slow & semua orang tengok kita 😅. 

Part favorite saya bila retrieve arrow. Susah nak describe. Ada feeling “thrill”, seronok bila berjalan ramai2 secara berjemaah menghala tujuan yang sama.

Antara aspek yang memperkayakan lagi pengalaman bila join game macam ni, adalah bab networking: Dapat kenal lagi pemanah lain dari Miri, Bintulu, Brunei. 

Semenjak terjebak dalam traditional archery dalam 2-3 bulan ni, saya rasa macam dah masuk satu komuniti dan jemaah baru. Hampir semua saya x kenal.. tapi tak pernah rasa terasing atau awkward. Ada satu semangat "Professional inclusivity". Orang sangat welcoming, banyak bagi dorongan dan bantuan, kongsi tips dan barang2. And semangat diorang ni lain macam. Antara ungkapan yang saya kerap dengar daripada para pemanah adalah “menang kalah, tak kira.. yang penting kita semangat hidupkan sunnah memanah”. 

Rasa achievement besar bila cabar diri sendiri di luar comfort zone, dalam masuk game, dan juga berhadapan dengan “social awkwardness” masuk crowd yg saya x kenal.

Terima kasih, jazakumUllahu khayran dan syabas kepada pihak penganjur, serta semua geng2 pemanah. Semoga terus istiqamah dan kuat lagi semangat memanah dan jemaah uhuwah kita

Yg mana belum berkesempatan atau ada peluang lagi.. Jom try main. Best 😊👍🏼

📚Family book picnic day with Tadika Astana @tadikaastanamiri @ Esplanade Luak Beach, Miri

Today Abah did a storytelling for Muawiyah and his J2 class friends, reading from the lovely book, The Rainbow Fish 🌈🐠. 

Admittedly I was feeling very nervous, having done this the first time with other kids. I wonder how it felt like for them, seeing this huge bearded uncle tell a story about a beautiful lonely fish who wanted friends 😅. 

Alhamdulillah am happy to have had a chance to interact with Muawiyah and his friends. There's nothing quite like that warm fuzzy feeling of satisfaction in bringing happiness to kids 😊😍. (Well, at least I hope I did 😂)

Storytelling to kids: that was in fact one of my action plans to improve my public speaking skills. 

I remember when I was emceeing for the first Straight Path TSP Convention in 2015, Sheikh Abdul Rahim Green told me backstage:

"You should be a speaker. Here's a tip you can practice to further improve your public speaking: conduct storytelling with children."

Oh? Why children, Sheikh?

"You see, conducting a halaqah is easy. Adults have the discipline, attention span and maturity, especially if they want to learn. 

Children have low attention span, and give immediate, honest feedback (zoning out when they're bored)!" 

So, if can excel at keeping children engaged and sustain their attention, and keep yourself motivated when they zone out, then you know youre doing something right 😄

Hope I did okay for my first time, and here's hoping for more opportunities in the future. Allahumma barik 🤲🏼

👣 What Legacy do you want to leave behind? My Knowledge Sharing Aspirations 💡

 

Back when we were starting out as fresh graduate process engineers, we were struggling to understand the basics how to do our work. We didn’t have senior engineers or TP’s, overwhelmed by standards and guidelines with no idea how to use them, and our competency development was a slog.

Thankfully, somewhere along the way, we managed to get our hands on something known as “Haji Nik’s slides”.

Haji Nik, a process manager from another region, had prepared a collection of simplified process engineering notes, organized by subjects and easy to understand. These slides were immensely useful and became our favorite references! Whenever assessment time would come (ahh ACD, those were the days…) we would whoop out the Haji Nik slides, going thru them together to prepare.

Haji Nik has already retired, and although I only met him a few times and never had the privilege to attend any of his sharing / classroom sessions, I always viewed Haji Nik as a Legend. An inspiration, motivating me for years to come, charting my personal aspiration of the legacy I want to leave behind: If I ever get promoted to manager, I want to be a leader that has left the workplace a better place. Leave behind content and knowledge that’s useful and beneficial for others young engineers to develop, while simultaneously inspire them to also share with others, in the hopes that they, too can carry the torch and inspire others, making the workplace better for others, long after we are gone.

I took it to heart. Throughout the years, Alhamdulillah I’ve conducted dozens of knowledge sharing sessions, ranging from technical engineering content (separator adequacy, life cycle cost analysis, HAZOP best practices), islamic knowledge (e.g. Life and Leadership Lessons from Surah Yusuf), productivity (personal knowledge management / building your competency Time Capsule), communication (how to deliver Bulletproof Presentations), career development (TMTP personal journey / how to obtain Chartered Engineer certification), and yes, even fitness 😂.

All of these sessions were voluntary, not done out of compulsory “development gaps” or meeting KPI.

Why bother?

Once, our boss asked us, in what seemed like sarcastic undertones: “you guys have so much time on your hands to do these sharing, kah?”
i.e. “so free, meh?” 😏

Immediately, I just straight up said, “we MAKE time.”

So, here’s the thing. The truth is, sharing knowledge demands a lot of effort. A 1-hour session can take up to 5 hours of research, compilation, slide preparation, editing, scripting and rehearsing (yes, I still need to do those).
My recent knowledge sharing on Phase Behavior (which lasted 2.5 hrs) took at least 10-20 hours of prep. My philosophy is, If people are going to spend time and valuable manhours to listen to you, put in the effort to make it worth it.

Preparing for these sessions requires me to spend hours at night, over weekends, during break times.

So to me, it isn’t about “finding free time”. It’s about making time, of putting in the deliberate effort to invest in a higher purpose, a cause greater than yourself.

Tying it back to the big picture: Our Purpose in Life.

Prophet Muhammad ﷺ said: “When a person dies, all of his deeds are cut off, except for three: a recurring charity, knowledge which is continued to be benefitted from, and a righteous child who continues praying and supplicating for a parent” (Muslim)

For Muslims, we consider working - earning halal income to provide for ourselves and our family - a form of worship (ibadah). And to create content that HELPS others to improve their work is a form of facilitating this act of worship.

I'd like to hope that somewhere along the way, I could leave my own trail of "Haji Nik slides" to help others, with content that  continues benefitting them even after I go.

If you want to strive for a higher purpose, you can’t "find time". You MAKE time.

Those hours on weekends, burning the midnight oil: Totally worth it ❤️

If you’re serious about sharing knowledge, start now in ANY capacity that you are available. Utilize whatever platforms that you have, even if it’s just a personal interactions. Don’t wait until you become a manager. It’s not like when you get promotion, all of a sudden you magically flip a switch and become inspired to share. Kita ni bukan Neo in the Matrix - “I know Kung Fu”.

If you don’t start sharing knowledge now, what makes you think you will do it later, when you are more busy, have more responsibilities on your hands? You have even more legitimate excuse.

When you get into the habit, then the leadership responsibilities only amplify your reach even more.

These are two thoughts I always audit myself:

Knowledge is a trust. An Amanah. A privilege that Allah grants you. What will you do with that trust? You will be questioned for your knowledge, as you will be for your wealth - what answers do you have?

After all, professionals come and go. Achievements will be rejoiced, then forgotten. At the end of the day, what legacy will YOU leave behind, after you go?

TP Sharing Session - Understanding Hydrocarbon Phase Envelopes & How they affect Upstream Process & Operations (28 Nov 2023, MTeams): Be the Change.

 

Alhamdulillah, today I was granted the opportunity to conduct a Knowledge sharing session, on Phase Behavior.

The topic of hydrocarbon phase envelopes are one of the most important underlying concepts that are the bread and butter of upstream process engineering. Once I understood this concept, a lot of operational problems started to make more sense, seeing them through a new lens. Wet gas, crude stabilization, sampling problems, CV flashing, PVT fluid characterization - suddenly, they began to click!

But throughout the years, I realized that although there were lots of training materials, classroom sessions and textbooks on the subject, I've never really found many resources that fleshed out the topic from the perspective of practical application in day-to-day operational challenges. For many of us, we learnt the concept through trial and error (mostly error), and we didn't really understand the "big picture" of how they were related. I've always thought, wouldn't it be nice if we had training material that linked these concepts together in our daily work? 

Then it dawned on me: Create our own content lah, bro!

 

Now that I'm in a position of experience, have some knowledge and a platform to share, might as well seize the opportunity: Stop whining, step up & be the change we want to see. To carve out the kind of content that we wished we learnt back in our early years and boost the development of those around us. 

I challenged myself to go one step further: Simplify the concepts and make it easy enough so that even non-engineers (like HR or Finance) could also understand and appreciate. Just as Albert Einstein used to say, "you do not really understand something, unless you can explain it to your grandmother"

The session went a bit over time, at 2.5 hours, but Alhamdulillah we got an overwhelmingly positive participation, with over 150 participants joining the session.

Hope the participants found it beneficial. May Allah make it a source of barakah and benefit for others.

🛡️ Family: The Fortified Shield - Weekend Seminar by The Straight Path (TSP) #thestraightpathconvention 25-26 November 2023, The Club, Bukit Utama

💎INSPIRING GEMS & HIGHLIGHTS

Course Goals : to ignite communities that benefit humanity

🔭 Building the Righteous Family the Ideal Way. Where do we begin? What’s the first step to building a house? 

Most people would say the first thing is to lay the foundations. Some might talk about raising the pillars. But the first step starts before that: we need a blueprint. What kind of house do you want to build? 

Likewise: You need a VISION that inspires you!

Starting a family begins with having a picture in your head of the world you wish to see, on the day you are on your deathbed.

💖 Marriage is barakah - but it needs a society that raises mature boys and girls

🎯 5 Core Objectives of Raising a Righteous Family 

1. Follow Allah’s command (an ibadah)

2. Following the sunnah of the Prophet ﷺ

3. Having Children - as a sadaqatul jariah (continuous charity) to benefit the ummah and humanity in the long term

4. To help us stay away from Haram: Marriage is the means to protect our honor and chastity

5. Assisting One Another: work together and one another upon goodness and righteousness. 

🛠️ It all boils down to one simple objective: Building Jannah, TOGETHER. Always keep this Goal in mind!

🏫 The first educational institution a human being will go through is their PARENTS. Listen up, young people: your parents aren’t old school, they are ORIGINAL school 

👂🏼Practice more LISTENING in the household: Acknowledge each other’s feelings, and provide that psychological safety.

A tightly knit family is one that enjoys emotional security inside, to one another. 

🎁 Appreciation and Gratitude - put in the effort to express gestures of genuine gratitude to one another. You may not recognize this but it has a HUGE impact.

🔥 Resolving conflicts - Some pointers:

1. YOU need to take the first step. Put ego aside! Remember your purpose in life: You are reconciling for the Sake of Pleasing Allah - not for the sake of that person. 

2. Conflict demands patience, wisdom and emotional maturity - Be methodical, be systematic. Use that prefrontal cortex, don’t allow your emotions to compromise your good judgment

3. Focus on the core of the problem, not just attacking the symptoms

4. Don’t forget the role that SHAITAN plays, behind the scenes: planting seeds of hatred and enmity, and induces waswas - overthinking, exaggeration, to paralyze you from taking action

🪜 Raising a righteous family might seem like a steep hill to climb. Focus on PROGRESS, not perfection. Allah wants to see you taking those baby steps. When you put in a little bit of effort, Allah will open doors of barakah (blessings) for you!

SKG16.3 Community of Practice (COP) Final Gathering 2023

 

It was our turn as Sarawak (Gas) Assets region as tuan rumah, to host the final gathering of the year for our Community of Practice for Process Technology fraternity.

I have always supported the idea of COP gatherings in professional circles: By practitioners, for practitioners.
It's a platform to share our lessons learnt, best practices, successes, challenging each other and sparking ideas within the fraternity to try out new approaches, rethink our existing practices, and explore new methods and ideas. It's particularly inspiring when the community makes the time and shows courage to step up and actualize this - as we witnessed in this gathering.

We received excellent participation by all regions and center from IVA and OE, with process technical paper sharing from all regions PMA, SBA, and SKA covering wide range of interesting and practical topics from Dynamic simulation for process safety assurance, and meeting customer demand pipeline survival time during TA, Condensate Recovery system technology selection, Cooling System challenges, and Gas Turbine Generator (GTG) Optimization philosophy.

As the host and organizers, our team did a few little tweaks to enhance the overall experience for presenters and attendees alike to increase the engagement and enthusiasm throughout the learning experience:
 
1. Feedback forms for every presenter - we opened up feedback channels by making customized feedback forms for every presenter, to share their ratings and appreciative/constructive feedback. This allows audiences to play an active role to share their thoughts, for participants to gauge their performance for continuous improvement, and add a dash of competitiveness between presenters.

2. Awards - We introduced three categories of awards: Best paper presentation (by judges), the People's Choice Award (for the highest rated paper, as rated by the attendees in the feedback forms), and Best Participant (for active participants asking questions and contributing to others)

3. Managers as Emcee - To demonstrate our passionate commitment to the event and go the extra mile as hosts, the two process managers from Sarawak (myself & Ee) became the Emcees throughout the event.

4. Special tokens ☕ - As long-term memoirs, we provided custom-made mugs for presenters, game winners, and judges. (Man, wish I had one of those 🤤)

Really proud of the team for the successful event. Although we are only a small fraternity of 30-plus - among the smallest in the organization - the community is so active that we achieved among the top performing COP's in the whole PETRONAS.
With communities like these, it builds a solid foundation for us to collectively build sustainable competency development platform: to help each other grow, constantly grooming new experts without having to depend on specific individuals.

Keep up the awesome work! ❤️

👞 Inside the mind of a righteous man with a big heart: The story of imam An-Nawawi's stolen slippers

One time, Imam An-Nawawi finally saved up enough money to buy new slippers and wore them to the masjid. Upon leaving after prayers, he couldn't find his them. 

He kept searching and searching... Until he saw another man walking off with his slippers. 

He walked up to man. Noticing imam An-Nawawi going after him, the man picked up the pace and walked away faster. Imam An-Nawawi began walking faster to catch up with him. The man began running.

Imam An-Nawawi said out loud, "قل قبلت" - Say, "I accept!"

The man ran even faster, and imam An-Nawawi ran as fast as he could, until he could no longer catch up.. And finally, the man got away with the slippers. 

The next day, Imam An-Nawawi looked visibly upset and sad. When his students saw his condition, they consoled him, telling him "Ya Shaykh, it's okay we will get you new slippers."

He said, "I am not sad because of the slippers.

I am upset because I intended to give it to him as a gift, and all I wanted was for him to say "I accept". 

So that on the day of judgment, it's counted as a gift between me and him, in the sight of Allah."

(Note: it was the Fiqh view of Imam An-Nawawi in hadiah (gift) - that it's only counted as a gift if they declared they received it from you.)

So why was he upset? 

"Now I'm really sad, because Allah will question him on the day of judgment (because of stealing my slippers), and I don't want to be a means of difficulty for my brother on that Day."

SubhanAllah. Amazing. Truly, a righteous man with a big heart.

Tabletop Emergency Tier 3 Exercise, “Ex- Kidurong 2” Magherita Plaza Bintulu, from 14-15 Nov 2023, joint organized by PETRONAS and Majlis Keselamatan Negara (MKN)

 

Alhamdulillah, had the privilege of representing PETRONAS, role-playing as Incident Commander (IC) for our Emergency Management Team (EMT) on duty throughout this Table Top exercise roleplaying for the exercise. The event participated by all major government agencies in Bintulu/ Sarawak who are equally responsible for emergency response & preparedness, simulating a crisis Situation under Arahan MKN No. 18 (PENGURUSAN DAN PENGENDALIAN KRISIS KEGANASAN, @ Act Terrorism).

When the word "Table Top Exercise" was mentioned, I immediately got the impression that it was like the Dungeons and Dragons (D&D) table-top Role Playing Game, where a Dungeon Master played the role of churning out scenarios and storylines and triggering the players, what will they do in the situation. Turns out, that's exactly what it is 😂. 

Tuan Alif from MKN was our Dungeon Master, trigger "what to do" when different situations arise. And wow, this guy is good. He really put us under PRESSURE, man!

It was an awesome learning experience for me, for our organization, for all stakeholders on the effectiveness of our response coordination, revealing a lot of learning opportunities and rooms for improvement. 

Here are three of my big lessons learnt from the exercise: 

1. Tactical Communication

During a crisis situation, EVERYONE wants updates: leadership team at the center, next of kin, mainstream media, and pretty much anyone who wants a shot at "going viral" on social media. Who should you respond to? HOW should you respond? 

It's important to know WHO are your primary recipients of information. By extension: Everyone else is irrelevant. Learn to filter the noise, know how to respond respectfully, and stay focused.

Also, turns out that what you DON'T say is sometimes just as important as what you DO say. 

Keep communications simple, and stick to the facts, without adding opinions, speculation or story. And, as much as it is important to convey as much information as possible, it's important to keep only facts which are relevant to the stakeholders around you, so that they know exactly how to respond. 

2. Have your go-to SOP References ready - and a great team to back you up

Having comprehensive SOPs really gave us the confidence to make decisions as a coordinated team. Yes, real life situations almost always call for improvisations - but we always have foundational fall-back plans, and correct ourselves as we go.

3. Remain Calm

Finally and most importantly: Remain calm. All the above can be completely thrown out of the window if we are emotionally compromised. 

This was "just" a table top exercise, but boy, was that stressful! Being put on the spotlight: "okay, IC - now the situation has escalated to so-and-so. What will you do? How will you respond? Who will you contact?"

The key to making sure we make rational, good decisions, is to keep our emotions in check so we can think straight. Be firm, bue decisive, but keep it steady. When you're playing the role of a leader, as IC, this emotional stability is important to inspire OTHERS around us to also keep steady. 

But of course, it's easier said than done. I'm grateful for those who gave positive feedback of how well I did and how calm I was. Though, truth be told, i was absolutely exploding with panic deep inside LoL. 

Truthful indeed are the words of our Prophet ﷺ who said, "true strength isn't in overcoming others by physical strength. True strength is controlling ourselves when we are in a state of anger" (Al-Bukhari)