Gratitude Towards Others

“We must find the time to stop and thank the people who made a difference in our lives” (John F Kennedy)

Here’s the truth: None of our achievements or successes are of our own individual efforts alone. 

None of them. From your academic intelligence, to your job, your life achievements, parenting, personal capabilities, etiquettes and mannerisms, religious inclinations and everything in between. All of these are the sum of many underlying factors, circumstances and people who directly and indirectly played a role to shape who we are and what we achieve: from our parents, our teachers, our spouses, friends, colleagues, bosses. Even our rivals and adversaries. 

The choice we have to consciously make is, are we ready to acknowledge, recognize, and show some gratitude for them. And if we choose not to be grateful out of our ego or fear of looking “weak”, it is in fact an expression ingratitude against our Creator, Who destined these great individuals to play their role in our lives. This is why Prophet Muhammad ﷺ said, 

مَنْ لاَ يَشْكُرِ النَّاسَ لاَ يَشْكُرِ اللَّهَ

"Whoever is not grateful to other people, he is not grateful to Allah." 

(Narrated by Abu Daud and At-Tirmidzi who graded it hasan sahih)

In another narration, the Prophet emphasizes further that to be ungrateful to others in a leading cause to enter Hellfire:

أُرِيتُ النَّارَ فَإِذَا أَكْثَرُ أَهْلِهَا النِّسَاءُ يَكْفُرْنَ ‏"‏‏.‏ قِيلَ أَيَكْفُرْنَ بِاللَّهِ قَالَ ‏"‏ يَكْفُرْنَ الْعَشِيرَ، وَيَكْفُرْنَ الإِحْسَانَ، لَوْ أَحْسَنْتَ إِلَى إِحْدَاهُنَّ الدَّهْرَ ثُمَّ رَأَتْ مِنْكَ شَيْئًا قَالَتْ مَا رَأَيْتُ مِنْكَ خَيْرًا قَطُّ ‏"

"I was shown the Hell-fire and that the majority of its dwellers were women who were ungrateful." 

It was asked, "Are they ungrateful to Allah?” 

He replied, "They are ungrateful to their husbands and are ungrateful for the favors and the good (charitable deeds) done to them. If you have always been good (benevolent) towards them, but when he sees something in you (that upsets or angers her), she says, “I have never received any good from you!” (Narrated by Al-Bukhari)

Two simple means of expressing gratitude for others:

1. Acknowledge and recognize them. Just pick up the phone and express your thanks. This is so simple, yet so few people actually do. Sure, people of sincerity never expect your gratitude, but when you take the initiative to reach out and express this earnest gesture, it leaves behind an immensely positive impact to strengthen your relationship, and act as a positive reinforcement for the person to keep up the great work. 

The best of this is to say the phrase “JazakAllahu khayran” as taught by our Prophet  ﷺ:

مَنْ صُنِعَ إِلَيْهِ مَعْرُوفٌ فَقَالَ لِفَاعِلِهِ جَزَاكَ اللَّهُ خَيْرًا فَقَدْ أَبْلَغَ فِي الثَّنَاءِ

"Whoever some good was done to him, and he says: JazakAllahu khayran, 'May Allah reward you in goodness', then he has done the most that he can of praise." (At-Tirmidzi)

There is a subtle power behind this simple phrase. It is an acknowledgement that, “no matter how much I thank you, my words can never do justice to the kindness that you have done for me, nor can my personal weakness and limitation of understanding the impact of your contributions. Therefore instead, I ask Allah – the All-Knowing, Most-Powerful, All-Seeing, All-Knowing, All-Rich and Lord of the Universe – to repay it.” 

2. Supplicate (make du’aa) for them in their absence. The Prophet ﷺ said, 

وَمَنْ صَنَعَ إِلَيْكُمْ مَعْرُوفًا فَكَافِئُوهُ فَإِنْ لَمْ تَجِدُوا مَا تُكَافِئُونَهُ فَادْعُوا لَهُ حَتَّى تَرَوْا أَنَّكُمْ قَدْ كَافَأْتُمُوهُ‏

“If anyone does an act of kindness for you, repay him; but if you have not the means to do so, pray (make du'aa) for him until you feel that you have compensated him. (Narrated by Abu Daud, graded sahih by Al-Albani)

دَعْوَةُ الْمَرْءِ الْمُسْلِمِ لأَخِيهِ بِظَهْرِ الْغَيْبِ مُسْتَجَابَةٌ، عِنْدَ رَأْسِهِ مَلَكٌ مُوَكَّلٌ كُلَّمَا دَعَا لأَخِيهِ بِخَيْرٍ، قَالَ الْمَلَكُ الْمُوَكَّلُ بِهِ: آمِينَ وَلَكَ بِمِثْلٍ

“The du’aa (supplication) of a Muslim for his brother at his back (in his absence) is mustajab (responded to);

As long as He is making a du’aa of goodness for his brother, an angel commissioned (by Allah) will be by his side, and (will also make du’aa) and say:

“Ameen, and May it be granted for you too!” 

(Narrated by Muslim)

Some examples of how our righteous predecessors of the past used to practice this aspect of gratitude:

- Umm Dardaa said: “Abu Dardaa had three hundred and sixty close friends (beloved) for the sake of Allaah, he would supplicate for them in the prayer.” 

- Imaam Abu Haneefah (rahimahullaah) said: “There has not been a single prayer I have prayed since the death of (my shaykh) Hammad, except that in every prayer, I seek forgiveness for him along with my parents, and indeed I seek forgiveness for whoever I learnt knowledge from – or for whom I taught knowledge to.” 

- Ishaaq bin Raahawaih (rahimahullaah) said: “Seldom will a night pass except that in it I supplicate for whoever wrote (knowledge) from us and for whoever we wrote from.” 

- Al-Khateeb al-Baghdadi mentioned: Abu Hamdoon used to have a page on which was written (the names of) three hundred of his friends, and he used to supplicate for them every night. 

- Abu Dardaa (radhiyallaahu ‘anhu) said: “Indeed I seek forgiveness for seventy of my brothers in my prostration, I name them by the names of their fathers.”